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Sex/porn/fantasy addiction. Serious help wanted
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi, first can I say I'm not looking for judgement, jokes, clever remarks or guesses.
It's dawned on me lately that I have a serious problem. I am very much addicted to sex, more precisely porn.
I can see that this is having a massive impact on my life, to be fair id'd say that if I can't get to grips with this it's going to wreck my life. That has already started.
I've had the problem for well over a decade and it seems to have gotten a lot worse recently.
I looked into help a few months ago and came across something like sex addicts anonymous. That didn't seem up to much. Seemed more like a religious cult and I joined in (listened) to a group session by telephone. They seemed a bit up their own arse, using words I didn't even understand. Felt really out of place and didn't speak.
I'm a nice bloke. I'm permanently frustrated. My partner knows about this but she can't really help. Does anyone have any genuine, sensible advice or sources of help. If I don't deal with this it's not going to end well.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'll be honest the idea of going to the GP is a bit scary. Feels like i've lost the battle then but I know the next place from here is depression if not. |
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"I'll be honest the idea of going to the GP is a bit scary. Feels like i've lost the battle then but I know the next place from here is depression if not."
The first step is admitting you have a problem. You've done that.
It is scary, but nothing about this is going to be easy, I'm afraid. |
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If you want to do it properly then look up Look up Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and physically go to a meeting. Talk to people there and your GP.
If you have private healthcare then get a referral to an addiction therapy hospital such as those run by the Priory Group. If you don’t have cover have your GP refer you on the NHS.
Wish you luck. |
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What is the most difficult thing for you?
Is it understanding the difference between porn and real life?
There's a MASSIVE issue with the younger generation assuming that everyone fucks like they do in porn.
Girls being forced by peer and porn pressure to have anal sex.
Porn has desensitised people so regular sex isn't a turn on anymore.
Perhaps get a hobby that takes you away from the ability to look at porn so often.
Spin class or gym, karate, archery I could go on...
You have taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem.
Maybe you see porn as a way of avoiding intimacy with someone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll be honest the idea of going to the GP is a bit scary. Feels like i've lost the battle then but I know the next place from here is depression if not."
GP’s have seen & heard it all before . If you genuinely want help you’ll find the strength to do it |
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"If you want to do it properly then look up Look up Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and physically go to a meeting. Talk to people there and your GP.
If you have private healthcare then get a referral to an addiction therapy hospital such as those run by the Priory Group. If you don’t have cover have your GP refer you on the NHS.
Wish you luck. "
There are many paths. The "anonymous" route won't work for everyone. |
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Meditation and yoga...
Breaking addictions and bad habits is about losing those bad habits and gaining better habits..
I find when i get stressed or spending too much time on here or other not helpful habits - meditation allows one to free ones mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like others have said, getting another hobby is a good thing, maybe take up running, join a local club, do something else in the evenings. I always used to turn to porn when bored or stressed. I presume you masturbate a lot as well? This can cause problems with your other half as you can’t orgasm through normal sex and often have to finish the job yourself. I used to run a lot and felt blooming great. I’ve let that drop over the last 2 years for the worse and will now take it back up again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'll try to describe it the best way that I can apologies for the appalling punctuation but I'm driving and using Google dictate
Several years ago I had a problem which resulted in me becoming clinically depressed. I went to the GP over that and I got through it coming out the other side a lot stronger. It was due to something that was done to me me by others. I had no control over what they were doing and it impacted my life in quite a major way. the loss of control is what it's all about!
What i'm now realising spending hours every single day on this site and others is that gain I'm not in control! This time though I'm I'm doing it to myself and I can't understand why!
Only someone who has been depressed knows what depression is, it's having no control feeling stunned, shocked, sad, annoyed, not knowing what to do do and if you did, not being able to make yourself do it. You swing from extremes, one moment OK and the next hugely sad for no obvious reason. A single thought can trigger it off, whenever you let your mind wander, so you try to keep busy to prevent it wandering and that becomes tiring. Frequently you find yourself with a single thought, revolving around how stupid or sad you are, or how bad something (maybe even trival) is and then your brain in an instanty magnifies it a thousand times taking you somewhere that even tiny things seem like huge problems. You're just not able to control things, you just wait for the current "wave" of horribleness to pass. You're sure it will but picking yourself up each time you feel stupid and know that you're "broken" in a way that people can't see, mainly because you hide it and don't want them to see it! So the cycle never gets stopped.
I guess if you can imagine your family being stabbed to death in front of you and feeling so overwhelmed that you can't do anything but cry, it's kind of like that.
So anyway I'm guess that sitting in Tesco's car park not my usual bubbly self writing this to a complete bunch of strangers is a pretty good indication do I need to do something.
I know I'm not as bad as many, there are plenty of good things worth living for and all that but this bit of my life that needs fixing needs a professional. Sad to think that you can be mentally broken but hey, if I was perfect that might be too boring!
I usually only ever come on this site to try getting my leg over but today day I'm on it thinking why isn't there an area of it dedicated to helping people spend a little less time on here? They're doing it with gambling maybe porn needs to follow suit?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I get that but the issue is the fixation I have with needing to look at so much porn. I used to joke "can I have another internet please...I've finished this one!".
What is this thing doing to the world! It's no surprise that mental health issues are on the up, we're all piling massive pressure on ourselves. Everything, available to everyone, anytime is a great recipe for over consumption. |
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"I get that but the issue is the fixation I have with needing to look at so much porn. I used to joke "can I have another internet please...I've finished this one!".
What is this thing doing to the world! It's no surprise that mental health issues are on the up, we're all piling massive pressure on ourselves. Everything, available to everyone, anytime is a great recipe for over consumption."
I agree. But the only person who can help you is you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's all a bit serious for a Friday! Normal me is very chatty, funny and sees the silver lining in most situations but this porn thing has to be dealt with. I can't be alone in this. Maybe deserves a social with others who are fed up with it all now? |
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