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Can you 'love' or be 'in love' with more than one person at a time
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By *laphe1Man
over a year ago
Huddersfield |
"Just wondered what peoples views were on having feelings for more than one person at once?
Can you love someone....and fall in love with another?  "
I believe you can but I suppose its down to the individual.
I was once in love with a woman at work as well as my ex girlfriend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you can..
after all look at it like this..
You have a child... then along comes child number two.. you dont stop loving child number one because you now have another, but you love all of your children in different ways.. or I do at least.. as they are all different.
I think with relationships its no different.
I for one love one of my friends to bits... but kinda like I would a brother... but I couldnt love another how I do my Master.. But I could love.
Does that make sense..
( rambling of a mad woman trying to organise a house move lol)
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"yes theres alot of ways you can love . x
I love your big bristols"
Hahahah Thanks....
I mean love a partner...(not be in love with them) more like friends...but then get feelings for someone with butterflies, thinking of them all the time etc.....I know the difference between love and lust...
This is purely an interesting topic....nothing to do with me personally of course  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you can..
after all look at it like this..
You have a child... then along comes child number two.. you dont stop loving child number one because you now have another, but you love all of your children in different ways.. or I do at least.. as they are all different.
I think with relationships its no different.
I for one love one of my friends to bits... but kinda like I would a brother... but I couldnt love another how I do my Master.. But I could love.
Does that make sense..
( rambling of a mad woman trying to organise a house move lol)
Cali "
Makes sense Cali....Thanks xxxxxx Good luck on the move xxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"yes but its weather you act on it that counts  "
Act on it? Please tell me what you mean...? Show the love or leave the friendly love for the all comsuming, gut wrenching, head spinning love...lol? |
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you can love many people, and things, on different levels.
but i think you can only actually be propery and fully IN love with only 1 person at a time.
and has been said, lust is a whole new kettle of haggis. |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"Just wondered what peoples views were on having feelings for more than one person at once?
Can you love someone....and fall in love with another? "
Yes but think it depends on the type of love we are talking about.
For example the love I have for Mr B is different to how I love our daughter and my family.
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
" you can love many people, and things, on different levels.
but i think you can only actually be propery and fully IN love with only 1 person at a time.
and has been said, lust is a whole new kettle of haggis."
This post sums up what I was trying to say above  |
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Yes, I think you can. I believe that there are many kinds of love, which are different from person to person and all of which can change and evolve over time depending on what happens in your life etc. and what your mindset is at that point in your life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In a case where unconditional love defines the essence of a romantic relationship, I don’t believe you can hold unconditional love for more than one person at any given time.
 |
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"Just wondered what peoples views were on having feelings for more than one person at once?
Can you love someone....and fall in love with another? "
Yes..i can at least. i tend to compare it to having more than one child. You do not have a finite amount of love, but it increases with each child born.
Of course English is limited by the fact we only have one word for love |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great question and a difficult one to answer if you are talking about husband / wife or boyfriend / girlfriend etc.......
If what you have with your partner is truly love then it would be impossible to love another as this would suggest the current partner doesn't fulfil all requirements to be in love in the first place .
Perhaps this is a little old fashioned but surely the true feeling of love is all consuming and there couldn't be room for feelings of love for anyone else if what you have really is love ?
This opinion is based on my personal feelings which are now definitely different to how I may have felt a couple of years ago before meeting my fiancee who I believe has shown me what true love really is so I am maybe biased |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its what I would describe as trying to have your cake and eat it.I don't believe you can honestly love more than one person at a time. How can you be truelly in love if you have strong feelings for another. I maybe rather cynical to many of you. |
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By *abe1200Couple
over a year ago
belfast |
"Just wondered what peoples views were on having feelings for more than one person at once?
Can you love someone....and fall in love with another?
I believe you can but I suppose its down to the individual.
I was once in love with a woman at work as well as my ex girlfriend."
I bet ure single as you speak now. |
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In my personal experience, yes you can. But it does come down entirely to the individual.
I know it would be frowned upon by a lot of people on here, but I was in a long term relationship with a woman I was very much in love with, as far as I was concerned everything was perfect. However I became friends with a female colleague and over a very long period of time I realised that I was falling in love with her as well, eventually that friendship became physical and I knew that I was definitely in love with her.
During all of this period (Nearly 2 years) my feelings for my long term partner had not changed or diminished in any way, I was just as attracted to her, still was excited to spend time with her, still got butterflies when I was with her and she still made me smile every time I was with her, however these feelings were also exactly there in the same way whenever I was with my work colleague.
They were completely different women in every respect, looks, personality, outlook on life.
Ultimately I should not have allowed it to become physical with my colleague as my long term partner was devastated when I told her which broke my heart as well as hers but I was very much in love with both women and my emotions/feelings led to me making decisions that were not rational. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Can you love someone....and fall in love with another? "
to love someone and to be inlove with someone isnt the same thing
i love many people, im in love with noone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Course you can.
Look how many people love this or that.
The problem will be who do you love the most, i.e. who would you save if you could only save one person |
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"
Can you love someone....and fall in love with another?
to love someone and to be inlove with someone isnt the same thing
i love many people, im in love with noone "
Very true, although I was definitely "in love" with both people. I did not have those same feelings again for many years for anyone. |
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"Suppose you can yes,but i seriously wouldnt want too though.I have a partner,but id rather be single than hurt him.  "
Looking back on it with the wisdom of hindsight I wish that I hadn't met/become friends with the work colleague, it was not an enjoyable time as I was torn between the two of them constantly and worried about hurting my long term partner before I told her. It also led to me losing her as things were never quite the same afterwards.
As she said at the time, if it had been a casual fling she would have been able to get passed it, but knowing that I loved someone else as well as her was too much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you define love "
Love between a man and a woman is a random program written within genes. It's only purpose is to ensure the procreation of more genes as this is the only way they can travel through time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Great question and a difficult one to answer if you are talking about husband / wife or boyfriend / girlfriend etc.......
If what you have with your partner is truly love then it would be impossible to love another as this would suggest the current partner doesn't fulfil all requirements to be in love in the first place .
Perhaps this is a little old fashioned but surely the true feeling of love is all consuming and there couldn't be room for feelings of love for anyone else if what you have really is love ?
This opinion is based on my personal feelings which are now definitely different to how I may have felt a couple of years ago before meeting my fiancee who I believe has shown me what true love really is so I am maybe biased "
Yes I suppose thats what I mean....love for a husband/partner but not feel 'in love'......and then get the in love feeling with someone else.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Course you can.
Look how many people love this or that.
The problem will be who do you love the most, i.e. who would you save if you could only save one person "
Fuck thats deep and what a question....Ouch xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you can be in love and fall in love with someone. It is easy to be friends and grow closer,as feelings develop whether or not you cross the line and get intimate is your choice!
Love however in my opinion is quite fickle or is that just me lol??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks so much for your answers....really great to read and helped me think....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "
Was gonna reply privately but can't... interesting thread x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I think what I'm saying is.....if you love your partner/hubby/wife etc.. like a friend and are not 'in love' with them anymore...can you fall in love with someone else?
X x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love or feelings of love come to me in various levels of intensity and can many different things. So to me, it seems completely feasible that you can love more than one person at a time, especially given your described and present situation and feelings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" you can love many people, and things, on different levels.
but i think you can only actually be propery and fully IN love with only 1 person at a time.
and has been said, lust is a whole new kettle of haggis.
This post sums up what I was trying to say above "
sorry but that sounds like bull shit to me....!!
there is no reason why a person cant be "in love" with multiple persons at a time...lust has nothing to do with it  (the trick is..being totally honest with your partner if you have one and knowing when it's over and being able to let go, even when you dont want to!) (her) |
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"I think what I'm saying is.....if you love your partner/hubby/wife etc.. like a friend and are not 'in love' with them anymore...can you fall in love with someone else?
X x x "
in that case...yes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Had a wonderful email from a lady who found this thread personally helpful to her....
Thanks people for your insight and opinions and advice....XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think its what I would describe as trying to have your cake and eat it.I don't believe you can honestly love more than one person at a time. How can you be truelly in love if you have strong feelings for another. I maybe rather cynical to many of you. "
I share your views. Sounds more like hedging your bets than loving someone but that's just me!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Plenty of people in poly relationships love more than one person...
I Do believe you can love.. however I could never see myself loving another how I do my master... It's totally different... Can't tell you how or why, it just is... It's all consuming. I'm encouraged that if I like someone its okay to develope it as a relationship but as yet they have all put me off by trying to come between my master and I...
I am totally in love with my master.. only my children come before him in my life but we are open to me having someone that I can love if it should happen.. as is my master...
Cali |
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"I think its what I would describe as trying to have your cake and eat it.I don't believe you can honestly love more than one person at a time. How can you be truelly in love if you have strong feelings for another. I maybe rather cynical to many of you.
I share your views. Sounds more like hedging your bets than loving someone but that's just me! "
Again i go back to my children,,,no one says you cannot love more than one...its not hedging your bets just accepting love is infinite and comes in many different forms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think its what I would describe as trying to have your cake and eat it.I don't believe you can honestly love more than one person at a time. How can you be truelly in love if you have strong feelings for another. I maybe rather cynical to many of you.
I share your views. Sounds more like hedging your bets than loving someone but that's just me!
Again i go back to my children,,,no one says you cannot love more than one...its not hedging your bets just accepting love is infinite and comes in many different forms"
I wasn't talking about children. I don't even have kids but I know that if I did, I couldn't love one child more than the other.
I'm talking about a man and a woman. It's a different type of love and the one that I think this thread is directed towards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just wondered what peoples views were on having feelings for more than one person at once?
Can you love someone....and fall in love with another? "
Yes, very often a man in a long term relationship will love his partner but will miss that "falling in love" experience.
If he can experience that elsewhere there could be two types of love going on  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think that one person can fulfill your needs and wants but if you accept that and don't be jealous and possesive about it all then allowing yourself/your partner to exlore outside of the relationship, and yes that includes loving another, then for sure you can love more than one person.
If people accept that life is much happier and more fulfilled.
Gets complicated though!
I do think that this love (for me at least) is conditional love that can die or be broken. The love I feel for my children is unconditional, no matter what they do, I will always love them because they are my children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having been part of a Polyamorous relationship, I am finding this thread REALLY interesting!!!
I DO believe that a person can love more than one person at any given time. But there are different types and intensities of love. As long as all parties are EQUAL in a relationship, then it CAN work. But I will tell you from experience, it is HARD WORK. There is jealousy in it's rawest form to deal with. And all parties must be very open and communicative at all times. I have only ever loved one person at a time in the way that I want to love a Romantic partner. My now Ex partner loved 2 and I accepted that fully because I know that sometimes someone needs something in their life that a single partner cannot provide. None of the partners are loved any less, but they can be loved in different ways. It is difficult to understand even for me, even now and I've been there, but honestly, yes, despite the ending of my relationship, I do believe it is possible to love more than one person at any given time.
Hippo x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having been part of a Polyamorous relationship, I am finding this thread REALLY interesting!!!
I DO believe that a person can love more than one person at any given time. But there are different types and intensities of love. As long as all parties are EQUAL in a relationship, then it CAN work. But I will tell you from experience, it is HARD WORK. There is jealousy in it's rawest form to deal with. And all parties must be very open and communicative at all times. I have only ever loved one person at a time in the way that I want to love a Romantic partner. My now Ex partner loved 2 and I accepted that fully because I know that sometimes someone needs something in their life that a single partner cannot provide. None of the partners are loved any less, but they can be loved in different ways. It is difficult to understand even for me, even now and I've been there, but honestly, yes, despite the ending of my relationship, I do believe it is possible to love more than one person at any given time.
Hippo x "
Thanks for sharing.
I'm glad you brought up the jealousy aspect and the fact that such relationships are hard. Especially as some find it so hard to make a normal relationship work. I think in the long term, intimacy issues will be problem and it allows for too much doubt, which is not healthy in any relationship. |
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"I think its what I would describe as trying to have your cake and eat it.I don't believe you can honestly love more than one person at a time. How can you be truelly in love if you have strong feelings for another. I maybe rather cynical to many of you.
I share your views. Sounds more like hedging your bets than loving someone but that's just me!
Again i go back to my children,,,no one says you cannot love more than one...its not hedging your bets just accepting love is infinite and comes in many different forms
I wasn't talking about children. I don't even have kids but I know that if I did, I couldn't love one child more than the other.
I'm talking about a man and a woman. It's a different type of love and the one that I think this thread is directed towards."
There are many types of love...my point is why say you couldnt more than one person if you accept that you wouldn't love one child exclusively.
Your idea of in love is an exclusive one, mine is inclusive...although i tend to think in love bears more to teenagers and pop songs than the reality of love between two adults.
Adult love is so much deeper and accepting. |
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