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Vanilla dating vs swingers dating
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So, i’ve recently ended a Nilla relationship.
I found it all too consuming, the need to be together (from his side) but not actually do anything.
I didn’t feel like me, I felt as if I was half of him.
Don’t get me wrong, the guys a good guy and we’ve remained friends so far but there was no fun stuff, no excitement, no kink lol
Now it may be that I met the wrong guy but it’s not the first time i’ve dated in the Nilla world and it not been how I wanted it to be.
What I ideally would like is a swinger, that wants a special one person to be theirs but is also very happy to indulge in couple swinging, solo swinging and generally exploring together.
I often think this is too much to ask, almost like I want everything!
I don’t want to get married again and i’m very happy living on my own although having having a special person stay over regularly would be great.
Am I just a greedy sod... or is this possible?? |
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You know what you want all you have to do is find someone who wants the same. I only have the forum to go by but most of the guys who want a relationship don't seem to want a swinging one. Fab is a stop gap for them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No it’s not greedy. You’re very clear of what you want. It’s just a waiting game now.
It’s 2019 OP. Best of luck. Hope you’ll find what you’re looking for. Great pictures. "
Thanks Doc.... doffs tiara  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Lol my friend on here is the opposite, never dates, but said fab guys are incredibly boring lol it's as if sex is their only hobbie  "
Not a bad hobby though to be fair  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did you speak to him about this? Seems like a dream scenario "
I did and he was very negative about it all.
I feels there’s still ignorance and taboo about swinging in that it’s the old jets in a bowl thing.
I even offered to show him my profile and the forums etc.
I think he’s the type that feels his girlfriend belongs to him and no-one else.
I can understand that and for me, I believe that you can still belong to one person and swing with others?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope not greedy at all.
In honesty that's alot of guys dream relationship from what I hear.
Bet they all live in wales though eh  "
Lol well yeah some do. You know what that means don't ya!?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"2goods observation..
The more niche your requirements ..the longer you'll search.
 "
Surely no-one settles for less than what they want?
It’s why I threw my ex-hubby out.
It’s also why i’ve only had 2 serious long term relationships.
I’d rather wait to find the decent one  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nope not greedy at all.
In honesty that's alot of guys dream relationship from what I hear.
Bet they all live in wales though eh
Lol well yeah some do. You know what that means don't ya!? "
I’m not moving again!
Only been here 3 months lol |
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By *bzcoupleCouple
over a year ago
Aberdeenshire |
"Did you speak to him about this? Seems like a dream scenario
I did and he was very negative about it all.
I feels there’s still ignorance and taboo about swinging in that it’s the old jets in a bowl thing.
I even offered to show him my profile and the forums etc.
I think he’s the type that feels his girlfriend belongs to him and no-one else.
I can understand that and for me, I believe that you can still belong to one person and swing with others?! "
Yes for sure it is understandable.
All joking aside, it probably is a fantasy for a lot of guys, a lady he is with telling him she wants to swing. The reality is though, they probably couldn’t handle the fantasy becoming reality.
On one hand he gets to play with others which is probably in most cases the fantasy. On the other, she gets to play with others which will be the hard bit!
In our case, we joined to meet ladies. Nothing else. That’s all that we both wanted. But we decided meeting a couple for drinks (on a female only profile) would be ok to chat. Watching Mrs Abz suck him while she sucked me was not in the plan and had it not have happened and turned us both on, it would still be a no. There’s no way I’d have agreed to that up front because I thought I would hate that.
My point is, I can understand why he would have not liked the idea! |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I've had something similar, on here and on dating sites.
One guy I met here made me believe he could only come round for a few hours(after a social meet of course) which suited me, he ended up being here for nearer to 12 hours  and when I suggested I needed to get ready for work the next day that is when he made any sexual move, needless to say if wasn't all that great.
Then last year after a long long time (years) I tried a dating site, the first guy I met? First of all he was 37, then he eventually admitted to being 42, then when we met? He was 47!
The very next day he wanted to meet again, so we met at the beach for a coffee/wine and grew really heavy on me, wanted me to rely on him for alsorts, totally not what I am looking for which he just didn't understand!
All I really want is a partime lover, I don't want to live together, I just want a mutual understanding of friends who care, go out and then have fun, it sounds ideal to me, but impossible in real life! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've had something similar, on here and on dating sites.
One guy I met here made me believe he could only come round for a few hours(after a social meet of course) which suited me, he ended up being here for nearer to 12 hours and when I suggested I needed to get ready for work the next day that is when he made any sexual move, needless to say if wasn't all that great.
Then last year after a long long time (years) I tried a dating site, the first guy I met? First of all he was 37, then he eventually admitted to being 42, then when we met? He was 47!
The very next day he wanted to meet again, so we met at the beach for a coffee/wine and grew really heavy on me, wanted me to rely on him for alsorts, totally not what I am looking for which he just didn't understand!
All I really want is a partime lover, I don't want to live together, I just want a mutual understanding of friends who care, go out and then have fun, it sounds ideal to me, but impossible in real life! "
Pretty much this!
I want my own person but I also want him to play with others.
As long as he tells me the how/why/what’s it’s not a problem... (massive plus to my voyeur side though).
I have my own life and it gets stupid busy sometimes and I don’t want to have to think about upsetting someone if I just say bog off for one night.
I need more cats  |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I've had something similar, on here and on dating sites.
One guy I met here made me believe he could only come round for a few hours(after a social meet of course) which suited me, he ended up being here for nearer to 12 hours and when I suggested I needed to get ready for work the next day that is when he made any sexual move, needless to say if wasn't all that great.
Then last year after a long long time (years) I tried a dating site, the first guy I met? First of all he was 37, then he eventually admitted to being 42, then when we met? He was 47!
The very next day he wanted to meet again, so we met at the beach for a coffee/wine and grew really heavy on me, wanted me to rely on him for alsorts, totally not what I am looking for which he just didn't understand!
All I really want is a partime lover, I don't want to live together, I just want a mutual understanding of friends who care, go out and then have fun, it sounds ideal to me, but impossible in real life!
Pretty much this!
I want my own person but I also want him to play with others.
As long as he tells me the how/why/what’s it’s not a problem... (massive plus to my voyeur side though).
I have my own life and it gets stupid busy sometimes and I don’t want to have to think about upsetting someone if I just say bog off for one night.
I need more cats "
One is enough for me  |
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By *razoMan
over a year ago
Kent |
Relationship is hard work...specially if you have an alternative look on life...Sex at dawn by Christopher Ryan and his wife has some really good insights. We are all so different and probably that’s why we are here on Fab. I am just coming out of a long relationship and I don't want to get burned. I am sure in the future I will be in the same position as you. Only hope I will move carefully next time. I don't think you are asking for much...just don’t settle for anything less than that. |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
"2goods observation..
The more niche your requirements ..the longer you'll search.
Surely no-one settles for less than what they want?
It’s why I threw my ex-hubby out.
It’s also why i’ve only had 2 serious long term relationships.
I’d rather wait to find the decent one "
Who said settle ?.. you know what you want, your requirements the more requirements you have the longer you'll search. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey OP yes I think I'm looking for what you're looking for too... but I think the truth is that most ***guys*** are looking for a very exclusive relationship and definitely do see swinging or fab as a bit of a stopgap until they meet "the one" whereas women (like us) are a lot more open minded.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lol my friend on here is the opposite, never dates, but said fab guys are incredibly boring lol it's as if sex is their only hobbie
Not a bad hobby though to be fair "
Oh for her it's an addition to an amazing life, often on here it is their only excitement |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Its your choice your life you live it as you choose to so pointless asking others as in reality its non of their concern. "
I was actually actively looking for opinions...
Scary on here I know lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure why you think dating a swinger means everything else would be exciting tbh"
I don’t.
I want a relationship yet I want to swing.
Best of both worlds. |
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"Hey OP yes I think I'm looking for what you're looking for too... but I think the truth is that most ***guys*** are looking for a very exclusive relationship and definitely do see swinging or fab as a bit of a stopgap until they meet "the one" whereas women (like us) are a lot more open minded....
"
Yes, I think you are right. A remote friend, looking for someone local, but still wanting to meet with me on an infrequent basis really struggled.
Even with the guys here on FAB, not quite as open to alternative as one might think. |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
"I'm not sure why you think dating a swinger means everything else would be exciting tbh
I don’t.
I want a relationship yet I want to swing.
Best of both worlds."
It's early days for me and my fella. But I met him on here and we have the exact relationship you are describing. Spending time together, but living separately. Continue to go to club's and swing together and seperately.
It's a very loving and honest relationship. But it happened by chance. Neither of us were searching for a partner.
So stay positive. That kind of relationship does exist. |
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