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DOMINATION /BDSM
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I'm not sure domination in itself can be taught - it's more something that comes naturally to some - the various aspects and physical elements of it however such as bandage and rope play and safe ways to use equipment etc can be - try looking for fetish nights at clubs or attending local munches (socials for the kink world) and talking to more experienced people.
You could also do a lot worse than finding sites that cater more to the BDSM/fetish lifestyle and reading as much as you can - or try either SM101 and Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns both of which are excellent books on the subject that will help educate and get your mind around the lifestyle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you want to learn about it, drop me a message, I’ll see how I can help out, as the above poster mentioned though, it possibly may not be able to be taught to you, it depends what you are expecting from some teaching of it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure domination in itself can be taught - it's more something that comes naturally to some - the various aspects and physical elements of it however such as bandage and rope play and safe ways to use equipment etc can be - try looking for fetish nights at clubs or attending local munches (socials for the kink world) and talking to more experienced people.
You could also do a lot worse than finding sites that cater more to the BDSM/fetish lifestyle and reading as much as you can - or try either SM101 and Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns both of which are excellent books on the subject that will help educate and get your mind around the lifestyle."
Thank you! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Read as much non fiction on the subject as possible. Do you have a partner who will be joining you on your foray into BDSM?"
. I don't... Why are you offering  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Domination and bdsm is a very very wide net covering so many different areas. Reading and research is always a good place to start. There are better sites then fab for the life style if you want to get into it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your best bet is to go to some kink events and chat to people.
Everyones ideas are different on here and you could end up doing slot of damage if your not careful.
Find your local munch. Join a well known website the fetish version of facebook.
Watch and speak to many people who ate part of that lifestyle.
Take your time and you will learn |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Your best bet is to go to some kink events and chat to people.
Everyones ideas are different on here and you could end up doing slot of damage if your not careful.
Find your local munch. Join a well known website the fetish version of facebook.
Watch and speak to many people who ate part of that lifestyle.
Take your time and you will learn "
I've messaged you |
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By *agenta400Woman
over a year ago
All over the shop |
"Anyone know of anyone or anywhere.... Preferably in Essex who can teach domination / bdsm fetish...
Any ideas or offers are welcome   "
Look on fet......life. Can’t type web address as this site goes not. Remove the dots.
Look up Aemelia Hawk for flogging workshops. I’ve yet to go but she’s brilliant.
The individual activities you can learn, but the art of domination which is psychological, sensual and is a responsibility is done best by talking to other Dom’s/Dommes. I’m a learner too and I have two fwb’s that are switches and I learn through them, they’re feedback when domming them and reading their reactions during our sessions. I have a book on domination, somewhere.
I’m happy to chat with any queries.
Xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone know of anyone or anywhere.... Preferably in Essex who can teach domination / bdsm fetish...
Any ideas or offers are welcome
Look on fet......life. Can’t type web address as this site goes not. Remove the dots.
Look up Aemelia Hawk for flogging workshops. I’ve yet to go but she’s brilliant.
The individual activities you can learn, but the art of domination which is psychological, sensual and is a responsibility is done best by talking to other Dom’s/Dommes. I’m a learner too and I have two fwb’s that are switches and I learn through them, they’re feedback when domming them and reading their reactions during our sessions. I have a book on domination, somewhere.
I’m happy to chat with any queries.
Xxxx"
Thank you x
I will sign up |
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Go have a look at the web site previously mentioned and get yourself along to some of your local social Munches, of fetish fairs if your near London like LAM the London Alternative Market, go and talk to people. Us Fet and BDSM people are normally open to talk and share knowledge as long as you are sensible. |
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"Depends on if your wanting to be a sub or a Dom
Most Dom’s start out as subs tho and that’s how they learn how to be come the dominant
Mrscxxx "
I started as a Domme. I met my current parter. Who dusn't know he was a Dom. I brought that side out in him. He's amazing self taught. I will now only sub to him. I can't Domme him, I'm not a switch. All my subs have never been Dom/ Dommes. |
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I would recommend the O and I kink events at Eureakas as a good place to start by watching and talking.
Be honest about your interests and abilities. Be prepared to be open about what your kink motivations are, sex is not a good one to choose in my experience. Ask why something was done as well as how. If you go to LAM there are regular presentations there about kink psychology that may help you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone know of anyone or anywhere.... Preferably in Essex who can teach domination / bdsm fetish...
Any ideas or offers are welcome "
Sydney University is apparently running courses. |
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"I'm not sure domination in itself can be taught - it's more something that comes naturally to some - the various aspects and physical elements of it however such as bandage and rope play and safe ways to use equipment etc can be - try looking for fetish nights at clubs or attending local munches (socials for the kink world) and talking to more experienced people.
You could also do a lot worse than finding sites that cater more to the BDSM/fetish lifestyle and reading as much as you can - or try either SM101 and Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns both of which are excellent books on the subject that will help educate and get your mind around the lifestyle."
Couldn't have said it better  |
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By *omvampmMan
over a year ago
gillingham |
As others say read as much as you can and talk to people to especially when you find a sub or partner you wish to explore further with communication understanding between you and your sub is of upmost importance
Don't rush into it ether one lil step at a time find what you both enjoy and learn and develop the experience together respect limits to and have safe words agreed or signals.
You can learn techniques from others but you can only find out what suits you and your sub from eachother hence communication a good dom is far more than someone who ties a good knot and wields a paddle hard
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I have to say my views tend to fluctuate and although I fully endorse everything said by Gemini man, as a sensual sadist I have slightly different take from those who espouse the warm and fuzzy kink is all in the mind view.
Impact and rope are physical skills and I feel those who are not coordinated or not interested in acquiring those skills, do down those who have those skills. Much like the intellectual new romantic bands put down heavy metal bands and those skilful with their instruments.
I think there is a confusion about the role of the mental aspect and the physical aspect. I was heartened to read a thread by two women on FL headed "Where have all the real sadists gone" remembering not to confuse sadists with bullies, psychopaths or sociopaths.
So people will talk about the importance of the mental element. However, for many delivery is a separate and equally important aspect. Simply put, if on Fab you connect with someone but the sex is unsatisfying. Some will feel that is fine others will feel that was a wasted meet. So different people will put difference levels of importance on the mental and physical aspects.
So my first suggested view is that there is no right or wrong way to do dominance except it should be consensual and not abusive.
The second suggested view is that bdsm and dominance is a very broad church with many styles.
Thirdly there may be wrong behaviours but there are no wrong styles provided you are clear to a submissive what your style involves. As two examples you can have the modern style as set out by many in this column or you can my word is law dom and my pleasure is hanging you up and thrashing you. Both acceptable styles.
So I agree with many who say do your research.
However it is a question of finding who you are on the sub/dom spectrum. Also don't be put off if where you land is not popular or recognised. Contrary to those who say it is is all about the sub, it is all about you, but doing your kink in a way that is not being dick.
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By *omvampmMan
over a year ago
gillingham |
"I have to say my views tend to fluctuate and although I fully endorse everything said by Gemini man, as a sensual sadist I have slightly different take from those who espouse the warm and fuzzy kink is all in the mind view.
Impact and rope are physical skills and I feel those who are not coordinated or not interested in acquiring those skills, do down those who have those skills. Much like the intellectual new romantic bands put down heavy metal bands and those skilful with their instruments.
I think there is a confusion about the role of the mental aspect and the physical aspect. I was heartened to read a thread by two women on FL headed "Where have all the real sadists gone" remembering not to confuse sadists with bullies, psychopaths or sociopaths.
So people will talk about the importance of the mental element. However, for many delivery is a separate and equally important aspect. Simply put, if on Fab you connect with someone but the sex is unsatisfying. Some will feel that is fine others will feel that was a wasted meet. So different people will put difference levels of importance on the mental and physical aspects.
So my first suggested view is that there is no right or wrong way to do dominance except it should be consensual and not abusive.
The second suggested view is that bdsm and dominance is a very broad church with many styles.
Thirdly there may be wrong behaviours but there are no wrong styles provided you are clear to a submissive what your style involves. As two examples you can have the modern style as set out by many in this column or you can my word is law dom and my pleasure is hanging you up and thrashing you. Both acceptable styles.
So I agree with many who say do your research.
However it is a question of finding who you are on the sub/dom spectrum. Also don't be put off if where you land is not popular or recognised. Contrary to those who say it is is all about the sub, it is all about you, but doing your kink in a way that is not being dick.
"
Well put |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Go to events. Not just play events but munches too. Network. Be honest about what you want to learn and your inexperience.
All my skills have been taught to me by others on the scene |
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London Alternative market and London Fetish Fair, haven't been for a little while, so don't know if they are both still running.
However, both have workshops that you can attend, great for networking etc.
There is also a monthly kink get together at Lakeside. You'll find info on the other site that has been mentioned. |
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By *DFL6828Man
over a year ago
Leicester |
As some one who is new exploring the BDSM world, do all of the above, I have a couple of Doms and subs that I chat to in clubs if I have any questions. I'm also not just building knowlage but also getting to events and getting my face known, and it's all about the connection you have with someone..I don't have a sub yet, but it's the same as everything it takes time. As what has chosen me is ropes. I've only ever used them once so far but as I build my knowlage and confidence things will happen. Good luck with what ever path you decide to follow |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
The London Fetish fair is no more, just LAM. Apparantly it is really difficult to get into the LAM workshops as they over subscribedj.
Aemelia Hawke has a good DVD on flogging, plus good clips on YouTube. She makes great floggers, dragon tails and jewellery. Bondatrix also holds flogging workshops and workshops on wider bdsm matters. She has a great one on BDSM and the senses. She sells a wide range of kink related kit. DVS held workshops but it is now in the wilderness.
Other books recommended on the scene are 'The Loving Dominant"
"The New Topping Book".
My favourite book is" The Heart of Dominance". These bookd are on the modern style of Dominance. For a broader look at the scene and a blend of modern and old school Midori's "Wild Side" is fun. |
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