FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Long haired guys
Long haired guys
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Nicki x | |||
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"Hubbies hair is way past his shoulders. I think he looks sexy as hell dressed in his leather, but I’m contractually obligated to think that. The Viking beard cane off a few weeks ago which I was less impressed with, but it can grow back I guess" I feel your grief as a fellow beard lover x | |||
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"Some men, with long hair, make me go all girly "Exactly how I feel with hubby. Long hair, leather, beard (till recently) ...it’s all that subtle bubbling-under-the-surface quiet dominance/confidence that makes me putty in his hands.. | |||
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Mrs D | |||
"Where’s all the long haired guys????? I must just be missing them ..... need something to wrap my fingers in.
Nicki x"Mine is more big than long, white guy afro going on, although today realised it is shoulder length if i straightened it! | |||
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down past the shoulders | |||
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"Mines the longest it’s ever been at the minute down past the shoulders"And very nice it is too | |||
"Mines the longest it’s ever been at the minute down past the shoulders
And very nice it is too "Why thank you | |||
"Mines the longest it’s ever been at the minute down past the shoulders
And very nice it is too
Why thank you " | |||
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"Where’s all the long haired guys????? I must just be missing them ..... need something to wrap my fingers in.
Nicki x"Mine's almost down to my knees. Mind you, it only starts at the groin... | |||
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"Dose the long hair have to been on the head lol" Don’t think braided nuts dredds would quite count no | |||
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"My husband has long, thick, curly hair just below his nipples when dry "Where does it reach if his nipples are wet? | |||
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"Still love long hair. My hubbys is down his back and I think it is sooo sexy x" My husband has amazing long hair too xxx | |||
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"My partner has shoulder length, thick, dark, curly hair and I swear he moults more than the cat! " Yes. Straight haired people usually comb their hair and lose 100 hairs a day, us curlies lose the 100 hairs but they stay matted in the curls until they fall out over eveeywhere. | |||
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"This has been a major bone of contention throughout my 24 years thus far of swinging, playing, SM and kink. I started off on the SM scene in the mid 90s, which in those days was very linked to the goth, industrial and rave scenes. Thus, long hair (dyed in my case) and piercings were commonplace, and many people found me attractive because of such things. Not that it was always that long- sometimes it was way past my shoulders, sometimes it was 'indie', other times it was more 'Stones & Faces', if you catch my drift. But it always looked good. However, as I varied and expanded my club attendances to include the swingers' scene (actually, most London clubs in the late 90s were combined swing AND BDSM anyway, the 'great divide' hadn't happened yet) I began to notice a marked difference. Namely that whereas kinksters were by nature unconventional, most swinger women were quite 'normal', often accompanied by an archetypally heteronormative 'geezerbloke' husband or boyfriend-and rather than being attracted to my image, they found my hair and looks a turn-off by comparison. In fact, many looked directly down their noses at me, and said some very spiteful things. Then one day much later in 2012, whilst living in Aylesbury (about the blokiest town I'd ever dwelt in) I finally decided to take the plunge, and shave it off down to a grade 2. What had I got to lose? I was older and slightly fatter by then, listening to far less metal and a lot more punk and Mod, and had realised I looked good in smart black suits - so it didn't hurt me to adopt the Suedehead/skinhead look. As long as I had a short, neat beard to offset it, otherwise I looked a little like a boiled potato. And, lo and behold, it worked. All of a sudden, women that wouldn't have looked twice at me as a 'hippie' or a 'goth' thought I was attractive, and my rate of successful play increased. All was fine, and I found myself enjoying what I termed a 'rebirth'- particularly at clubs like Abfabs and South London Swingers. However, it couldn't last forever- and sure enough, come 2017, financial circumstances forced me out of the South and once more back into the West Midlands. Which is where things once again began to go wrong. Put simply, as an older bloke (43 by then) I now felt the cold more: we'd also had some considerable climae change since my 20s, and when I relocated to Dudley in the September of that year, the first thing I noticed was that it was FUCKING FREEZING. Nonetheless, I braved it- and started to attend Xtasia, generally having fun with wide varieties of accommodating people. Unfortunately, I could only stand the Midlands climate with no protective hair for so long- and so in late 2018, I started to grow it back. And yep, you guessed it- almost IMMEDIATELY within a month of it getting to what I would call 'Stone Roses length' (ie a bob) nobody wanted to know again. Women I'd played with less than two months ago now turned me away: one bloke, who had allowed me to swing with his wife the last time we'd met. called me a freak and told me to sod off. Thankfully, a few alternative couples still came in, so I played with them. But generally, I found that the longer the hair, the lesser the result and the lower the opinion. Moreover, it's still true today. The same thing happened in Jan 2019 when I revisited an old Manchester haunt with my hair by now growing back to Beatle length: utter rejection. And it's happened in several other places since, including on this site. OK, hardly anyone's met anyone this year anyway (or so they say) so the circumstances are different. But for the most part, I find that being long haired (which I now once more am, albeit more in a layered 'Robin's Nest' style) while a good look in my vanilla life, is a definite no-no these days in the swinging world. And even more annoyingly, the inverse is equally true: vanilla women tend to find that WITHOUT it, I just look like a slightly overweight big-jawed Jewish bloke. So I can't win! But WHY though? Why the disdain from most women against long haired men? And it isn't just as cisgender thing either: a trans woman once told me she could only fuck shaven haired macho types because she knew they would be capable of giving her a damn good seeing to. Long haired men, she said, were too gentle and considerate-looking: they 'wouldn't know what to do' with her, or how to satisfy her. Not that I particularly wanted to, it was just a general conversation we were having. But even so, shocking prejudice from someone who themselves was part of a minority group. Conversely, a quite 'Sharony' (for want of a better word) woman I once met at Our Place 4 Fun told me that she liked "a geezah to be a geezah, and a bird to look like a bird" In other words, for the gender roles to remain rigid- particularly among women who maybe also have a taste for macho black guys on the side. In general, women who aren't into "alternative" culture have always been known to describe long-haired men as 'smelly' 'scruffy' and 'poofy' (although conversely, goth, rock and indie girls tend to not care so much anymore about the length of a man's hair since grunge and Britpop, and most would happily disrobe for Benedict Cumberbatch or Tom Hardy on general principle) so in one way, I can't say I'm surprised. But on the other hand, kink and swinging are supposed to be about breaking taboos, aren't they? Or have I got that wrong as well? The upshot of all this is, IF (and obviously this is a big if) clubs ever reopen for proper play, I, as a long-haired man, once more stand the very large possibility of meeting NOBODY whatsoever, except maybe in broadminded Blackpool (which is geographically a bit of a jaunt) Especially as nowadays, the more BDSM-oriented clubs, which DID used to wlecome long hair, have now become (a) 'woke', and (b) largely non-swinging. Yet again, I am a square peg preparing to lower itself (every pun intended) into a round hole. Or perhaps not!! Of course, this could maybe be telling me more about a certain type of swinger than it does about me - ie, the sort that effectively is quite a dull person anyway, and takes to the scene not because they're looking for hedonism and sexual enlightenment, but because after 20 years or so of being married to the same person, they're absolutely bored shitless of their predictable lives and are looking for some way- ANY way- to spice it up. Those people do exist. On the other hand, it might just be because I'm pug ugly. Anybody else had similar experiences? " My partner has hair past his shoulders and he attends more swinging events than I do so I wouldn't say it holds him back in the swinging world. It's me who sticks more to BDSM events. Maybe because I'm 'woke'  . | |||
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"the more BDSM-oriented clubs, which DID used to wlecome long hair, have now become (a) 'woke'" Please explain why "wokeness" leads to long hair being unwelcome. | |||
"This has been a major bone of contention throughout my 24 years thus far of swinging, playing, SM and kink. I started off on the SM scene in the mid 90s, which in those days was very linked to the goth, industrial and rave scenes. Thus, long hair (dyed in my case) and piercings were commonplace, and many people found me attractive because of such things. Not that it was always that long- sometimes it was way past my shoulders, sometimes it was 'indie', other times it was more 'Stones & Faces', if you catch my drift. But it always looked good. However, as I varied and expanded my club attendances to include the swingers' scene (actually, most London clubs in the late 90s were combined swing AND BDSM anyway, the 'great divide' hadn't happened yet) I began to notice a marked difference. Namely that whereas kinksters were by nature unconventional, most swinger women were quite 'normal', often accompanied by an archetypally heteronormative 'geezerbloke' husband or boyfriend-and rather than being attracted to my image, they found my hair and looks a turn-off by comparison. In fact, many looked directly down their noses at me, and said some very spiteful things. Then one day much later in 2012, whilst living in Aylesbury (about the blokiest town I'd ever dwelt in) I finally decided to take the plunge, and shave it off down to a grade 2. What had I got to lose? I was older and slightly fatter by then, listening to far less metal and a lot more punk and Mod, and had realised I looked good in smart black suits - so it didn't hurt me to adopt the Suedehead/skinhead look. As long as I had a short, neat beard to offset it, otherwise I looked a little like a boiled potato. And, lo and behold, it worked. All of a sudden, women that wouldn't have looked twice at me as a 'hippie' or a 'goth' thought I was attractive, and my rate of successful play increased. All was fine, and I found myself enjoying what I termed a 'rebirth'- particularly at clubs like Abfabs and South London Swingers. However, it couldn't last forever- and sure enough, come 2017, financial circumstances forced me out of the South and once more back into the West Midlands. Which is where things once again began to go wrong. Put simply, as an older bloke (43 by then) I now felt the cold more: we'd also had some considerable climae change since my 20s, and when I relocated to Dudley in the September of that year, the first thing I noticed was that it was FUCKING FREEZING. Nonetheless, I braved it- and started to attend Xtasia, generally having fun with wide varieties of accommodating people. Unfortunately, I could only stand the Midlands climate with no protective hair for so long- and so in late 2018, I started to grow it back. And yep, you guessed it- almost IMMEDIATELY within a month of it getting to what I would call 'Stone Roses length' (ie a bob) nobody wanted to know again. Women I'd played with less than two months ago now turned me away: one bloke, who had allowed me to swing with his wife the last time we'd met. called me a freak and told me to sod off. Thankfully, a few alternative couples still came in, so I played with them. But generally, I found that the longer the hair, the lesser the result and the lower the opinion. Moreover, it's still true today. The same thing happened in Jan 2019 when I revisited an old Manchester haunt with my hair by now growing back to Beatle length: utter rejection. And it's happened in several other places since, including on this site. OK, hardly anyone's met anyone this year anyway (or so they say) so the circumstances are different. But for the most part, I find that being long haired (which I now once more am, albeit more in a layered 'Robin's Nest' style) while a good look in my vanilla life, is a definite no-no these days in the swinging world. And even more annoyingly, the inverse is equally true: vanilla women tend to find that WITHOUT it, I just look like a slightly overweight big-jawed Jewish bloke. So I can't win! But WHY though? Why the disdain from most women against long haired men? And it isn't just as cisgender thing either: a trans woman once told me she could only fuck shaven haired macho types because she knew they would be capable of giving her a damn good seeing to. Long haired men, she said, were too gentle and considerate-looking: they 'wouldn't know what to do' with her, or how to satisfy her. Not that I particularly wanted to, it was just a general conversation we were having. But even so, shocking prejudice from someone who themselves was part of a minority group. Conversely, a quite 'Sharony' (for want of a better word) woman I once met at Our Place 4 Fun told me that she liked "a geezah to be a geezah, and a bird to look like a bird" In other words, for the gender roles to remain rigid- particularly among women who maybe also have a taste for macho black guys on the side. In general, women who aren't into "alternative" culture have always been known to describe long-haired men as 'smelly' 'scruffy' and 'poofy' (although conversely, goth, rock and indie girls tend to not care so much anymore about the length of a man's hair since grunge and Britpop, and most would happily disrobe for Benedict Cumberbatch or Tom Hardy on general principle) so in one way, I can't say I'm surprised. But on the other hand, kink and swinging are supposed to be about breaking taboos, aren't they? Or have I got that wrong as well? The upshot of all this is, IF (and obviously this is a big if) clubs ever reopen for proper play, I, as a long-haired man, once more stand the very large possibility of meeting NOBODY whatsoever, except maybe in broadminded Blackpool (which is geographically a bit of a jaunt) Especially as nowadays, the more BDSM-oriented clubs, which DID used to wlecome long hair, have now become (a) 'woke', and (b) largely non-swinging. Yet again, I am a square peg preparing to lower itself (every pun intended) into a round hole. Or perhaps not!! Of course, this could maybe be telling me more about a certain type of swinger than it does about me - ie, the sort that effectively is quite a dull person anyway, and takes to the scene not because they're looking for hedonism and sexual enlightenment, but because after 20 years or so of being married to the same person, they're absolutely bored shitless of their predictable lives and are looking for some way- ANY way- to spice it up. Those people do exist. On the other hand, it might just be because I'm pug ugly. Anybody else had similar experiences? " In my experience I disagree about rock women, I've always been into metal, but having really curly hair I never let it grow long or dress particularly metal, but rock women always gravitated the long hair look like they're in a band types that me looking more like Benedict cummerbatch | |||
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"the more BDSM-oriented clubs, which DID used to wlecome long hair, have now become (a) 'woke' Please explain why "wokeness" leads to long hair being unwelcome. " It doesn't. It just means that as a single non-woke male, I feel intimidated and unwelcome in the club, so I would think twice before attending. The hair is incidental: as it happens, they would probably still largely welcome my "barnet", for want of a better term. However, they would probably be less inclined to like the person it was attached to, ie me. So unless it's a club where I know people and feel comfortable, I tend to stay away nowadays. Excepting this year, of course, when EVERYONE has stayed away for quite different reasons. | |||
"I love long hair on a man "Maybe we should have a conversation at some point. | |||
"as a single non-woke male, I feel intimidated and unwelcome in the club, so I would think twice before attending." "Woke" means "alert to injustice in society, especially racism". If you are *not* alert to the injustices in society, especially racism, are you surprised that you're unwelcome? | |||
especially when tall and got big muscles mmm | |||
"as a single non-woke male, I feel intimidated and unwelcome in the club, so I would think twice before attending. "Woke" means "alert to injustice in society, especially racism". If you are *not* alert to the injustices in society, especially racism, are you surprised that you're unwelcome? " Actually, to clarify - it means a lot more than that, and also a lot less. 'Humanitarian'(which I have been for as long as I can remember) means alert to all social injustices, especially racism. 'Woke', on the other hand, is just a modern-day hipster buzzword for people who attempt to exert some form of social superiority over others who don't parrot their groupthink- and it is a DANGEROUS agenda. It has, ultimately, very little to do with fighting social injustice- something I was out and about doing before half these people even knew they were born- and EVERYTHING to do with self-aggrandisement, one-upmanship, and attempting to score social approval points by virtue signalling. I, like the majority of my friends, am against prejudice in all its forms, always ready to both champion and fight openly for the underdog and the disenfranchised (which I myself am, as a man with seven different disabilities) and liberal-to-centre-left-leaning in attitude. None of us are right-wing. Tory, Brexiteer (well, OK, there might be one of those) racist, homophobic (I'm bi, for fucks sakes) or in any way slanted in favour of the uncaring establishment. But we also ALL despise wokesters. This is because, rather than adhering to ANY form of strict social diktat, we practice free thought. And we don't need to be told how to be alert, or what to be alert of, by middle-class milquetoasts "slumming it" in the formerly working-class areas in which I was raised, pushing the house prices up and charging £9 for a slice of 'artisan pie' Not thatI would discuss this IN a swingers or fetish club anyway: it's not a sexy subject. Pretensions aside, people go to such places to play. That's what they're there for. The heavy philosophical deconstructions, therefore, can wait until after we leave. However, if we ARE discussing that subject, then I should like to call to attention an interesting irony about that particular social group that certain others may not have noticed. Namely, that for all their bleating about how they oppose prejudice, especially racism, I notice how none of them would have dared set FOOT in Dalston back in the 90s when I lived there. Back then, such areas were regarded as the 'badlands': the trains were shit, the buses (apart from the 38) were shit, and the prevailing attitude was very much "Camden is the centre f the universe, Tarquin" - The majority of the peple I knew were TERRIFIED to visit me in E8/N16 because those postcodes were 'rough' (for which read: a little too racially diverse for their middle-class sensibilities) Then, the minute they realise they couldn't afford NW1, N7 or N5 anymore, they all started heading East- and in doing so, effectively priced the working classes, including large groups of people of colour, out of the market and away from the area. Of course, they love it round there now, coincidentally- and think E8 is the epicentre of everything. How strange. Or, alternatively, maybe not... | |||
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""Woke" means "alert to injustice in society, especially racism"." "'Humanitarian'(which I have been for as long as I can remember) means alert to all social injustices, especially racism." Ah, so you *are* "woke" then. Got you. | |||
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"a deep-set, seething hatred of trendspeak, jargonese, fake values, social engineering, "cancel culture", virtue signalling" This is the funniest sentence I've read today. | |||
"a deep-set, seething hatred of trendspeak, jargonese, fake values, social engineering, "cancel culture", virtue signalling This is the funniest sentence I've read today. " Only because it's pithily accurate. | |||
"as a single non-woke male, I feel intimidated and unwelcome in the club, so I would think twice before attending. "Woke" means "alert to injustice in society, especially racism". If you are *not* alert to the injustices in society, especially racism, are you surprised that you're unwelcome? Actually, to clarify - it means a lot more than that, and also a lot less. 'Humanitarian'(which I have been for as long as I can remember) means alert to all social injustices, especially racism. 'Woke', on the other hand, is just a modern-day hipster buzzword for people who attempt to exert some form of social superiority over others who don't parrot their groupthink- and it is a DANGEROUS agenda. It has, ultimately, very little to do with fighting social injustice- something I was out and about doing before half these people even knew they were born- and EVERYTHING to do with self-aggrandisement, one-upmanship, and attempting to score social approval points by virtue signalling. I, like the majority of my friends, am against prejudice in all its forms, always ready to both champion and fight openly for the underdog and the disenfranchised (which I myself am, as a man with seven different disabilities) and liberal-to-centre-left-leaning in attitude. None of us are right-wing. Tory, Brexiteer (well, OK, there might be one of those) racist, homophobic (I'm bi, for fucks sakes) or in any way slanted in favour of the uncaring establishment. But we also ALL despise wokesters. This is because, rather than adhering to ANY form of strict social diktat, we practice free thought. And we don't need to be told how to be alert, or what to be alert of, by middle-class milquetoasts "slumming it" in the formerly working-class areas in which I was raised, pushing the house prices up and charging £9 for a slice of 'artisan pie' Not thatI would discuss this IN a swingers or fetish club anyway: it's not a sexy subject. Pretensions aside, people go to such places to play. That's what they're there for. The heavy philosophical deconstructions, therefore, can wait until after we leave. However, if we ARE discussing that subject, then I should like to call to attention an interesting irony about that particular social group that certain others may not have noticed. Namely, that for all their bleating about how they oppose prejudice, especially racism, I notice how none of them would have dared set FOOT in Dalston back in the 90s when I lived there. Back then, such areas were regarded as the 'badlands': the trains were shit, the buses (apart from the 38) were shit, and the prevailing attitude was very much "Camden is the centre f the universe, Tarquin" - The majority of the peple I knew were TERRIFIED to visit me in E8/N16 because those postcodes were 'rough' (for which read: a little too racially diverse for their middle-class sensibilities) Then, the minute they realise they couldn't afford NW1, N7 or N5 anymore, they all started heading East- and in doing so, effectively priced the working classes, including large groups of people of colour, out of the market and away from the area. Of course, they love it round there now, coincidentally- and think E8 is the epicentre of everything. How strange. Or, alternatively, maybe not..." Right, so you were "woke before it was cool" gotcha. | |||
"to the point where if you're a cisgendered single male, you're almost afraid to have a polite conversation with anyone lest you be ridiculed at best and described as 'predatory and inappropriate' at worst."  | |||
I'm getting pissed off with my hair so am thinking about getting the chop. I had quite fancied going full jesus with it.
I might wait until the cold is over next year as it's quite a handy free hat at the moment. | |||
"Well this thread is going well.
I'm getting pissed off with my hair so am thinking about getting the chop. I had quite fancied going full jesus with it.
I might wait until the cold is over next year as it's quite a handy free hat at the moment."Feed me the body of christ my Lord. | |||
"as a single non-woke male, I feel intimidated and unwelcome in the club, so I would think twice before attending. "Woke" means "alert to injustice in society, especially racism". If you are *not* alert to the injustices in society, especially racism, are you surprised that you're unwelcome? Actually, to clarify - it means a lot more than that, and also a lot less. 'Humanitarian'(which I have been for as long as I can remember) means alert to all social injustices, especially racism. 'Woke', on the other hand, is just a modern-day hipster buzzword for people who attempt to exert some form of social superiority over others who don't parrot their groupthink- and it is a DANGEROUS agenda. It has, ultimately, very little to do with fighting social injustice- something I was out and about doing before half these people even knew they were born- and EVERYTHING to do with self-aggrandisement, one-upmanship, and attempting to score social approval points by virtue signalling. I, like the majority of my friends, am against prejudice in all its forms, always ready to both champion and fight openly for the underdog and the disenfranchised (which I myself am, as a man with seven different disabilities) and liberal-to-centre-left-leaning in attitude. None of us are right-wing. Tory, Brexiteer (well, OK, there might be one of those) racist, homophobic (I'm bi, for fucks sakes) or in any way slanted in favour of the uncaring establishment. But we also ALL despise wokesters. This is because, rather than adhering to ANY form of strict social diktat, we practice free thought. And we don't need to be told how to be alert, or what to be alert of, by middle-class milquetoasts "slumming it" in the formerly working-class areas in which I was raised, pushing the house prices up and charging £9 for a slice of 'artisan pie' Not thatI would discuss this IN a swingers or fetish club anyway: it's not a sexy subject. Pretensions aside, people go to such places to play. That's what they're there for. The heavy philosophical deconstructions, therefore, can wait until after we leave. However, if we ARE discussing that subject, then I should like to call to attention an interesting irony about that particular social group that certain others may not have noticed. Namely, that for all their bleating about how they oppose prejudice, especially racism, I notice how none of them would have dared set FOOT in Dalston back in the 90s when I lived there. Back then, such areas were regarded as the 'badlands': the trains were shit, the buses (apart from the 38) were shit, and the prevailing attitude was very much "Camden is the centre f the universe, Tarquin" - The majority of the peple I knew were TERRIFIED to visit me in E8/N16 because those postcodes were 'rough' (for which read: a little too racially diverse for their middle-class sensibilities) Then, the minute they realise they couldn't afford NW1, N7 or N5 anymore, they all started heading East- and in doing so, effectively priced the working classes, including large groups of people of colour, out of the market and away from the area. Of course, they love it round there now, coincidentally- and think E8 is the epicentre of everything. How strange. Or, alternatively, maybe not... Right, so you were "woke before it was cool" gotcha. " No, I was just a humanitarian before it got co-opted into a trend with a stupid name... | |||
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