FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Those who don't play
Those who don't play
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just want people's opinions on this...
I know there are lots of people on Fab who don't meet for whatever reason. I 100% get this.
If you are a club goer who enjoys the social aspect of going to a club but rarely or never plays, do you feel you need to make this clear to people, either beforehand if chatting on here, or actually at the event?
What are people's opinions of those who attend clubs but just like to socialise?
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There should never be any pressure to play in a club. We always go along for the social side and if we play that is a bonus. Some nights it is nice just to be social. When arranging to meet someone in a club I always say where I will be and if they are there and see me come and say hello. That way there is no pressure on either side. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There should never be any pressure to play in a club. We always go along for the social side and if we play that is a bonus. Some nights it is nice just to be social. When arranging to meet someone in a club I always say where I will be and if they are there and see me come and say hello. That way there is no pressure on either side."
Thank you for your reply.
Do you never feel obliged if you get into conversation with someone there?
What do you say if you are getting on well, and they initiate or hint at play but you don't want to? |
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"There should never be any pressure to play in a club. We always go along for the social side and if we play that is a bonus. Some nights it is nice just to be social. When arranging to meet someone in a club I always say where I will be and if they are there and see me come and say hello. That way there is no pressure on either side.
Thank you for your reply.
Do you never feel obliged if you get into conversation with someone there?
What do you say if you are getting on well, and they initiate or hint at play but you don't want to?"
I don't play at club too OP.
Usually when they approach me, I will talk to them and tell them.
If we like each other, exchange numbers and probably arrange for a private meet. |
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We have both only just started going to clubs and the first night we went we only wanted to socialise and play together, we got chatting to a great couple and spent most of the night talking, towards the end they asked us if we wanted to play, we just said no thank you, I did feel a bit mean because they chatted to us all night but it did come in convo earlier on what we were looking for beforehand, still felt awks though. They were really lovely though and just accepted the no.
Tara xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if everyone at a club was there just to socialise it would be a very weird night.
I don't see the issue in just saying 'not playing' when they ask. It's not guaranteed, and it doesn't make a difference if they had no intention of playing with anyone at all, or they just don't fancy that person. It's still a "no".  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I sometimes take a partner to a club...She doesn't want to go with couples (occasionally a single guy)...people approach us so we alwas say early on that we are n00bs and only there for the vibe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just want people's opinions on this...
I know there are lots of people on Fab who don't meet for whatever reason. I 100% get this.
If you are a club goer who enjoys the social aspect of going to a club but rarely or never plays, do you feel you need to make this clear to people, either beforehand if chatting on here, or actually at the event?
What are people's opinions of those who attend clubs but just like to socialise?
"
Socialise is all id do at a club tbf... or play with the gf if she was upfor it. Wouldnt play with others  |
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If we were chatting to someone on here and then arranging to meet them at a club I would make it clear it was for a social only not that it should ever be implied you would play but if I was 100% adamant it wasn’t on the cards I think it’s only fair to make it clear ASAP
In fact I often have occasions when I (MrsB) can’t play and I always put it as our profile header as it’s what a lot of people are here for so it saves then wasting their time messaging me if that’s what they are looking for |
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"
What are people's opinions of those who attend clubs but just like to socialise?
"
Opinion? In what way?
Are you suggesting that attending a club, means you are obliged to have sex with someone other than your partner whilst there?
I assume not, so am unsure why you have an issue with people who only socialise,for whatever reason. I'm happy for them to do so.
Nita |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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when me and hubs go to a club its to play thats if there is anyone who catches our eyes never go to a club to sit around but everyone goes for different reasons and that should be respected clubs are just a venue no pressure sit chat do as you please. |
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By *coxy69Man
over a year ago
Stone |
"Just want people's opinions on this...
I know there are lots of people on Fab who don't meet for whatever reason. I 100% get this.
If you are a club goer who enjoys the social aspect of going to a club but rarely or never plays, do you feel you need to make this clear to people, either beforehand if chatting on here, or actually at the event?
What are people's opinions of those who attend clubs but just like to socialise?
"
I’m new ish to the forum so correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t they called Lurkers?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There should never be any pressure to play in a club. We always go along for the social side and if we play that is a bonus. Some nights it is nice just to be social. When arranging to meet someone in a club I always say where I will be and if they are there and see me come and say hello. That way there is no pressure on either side.
Thank you for your reply.
Do you never feel obliged if you get into conversation with someone there?
What do you say if you are getting on well, and they initiate or hint at play but you don't want to?
I don't play at club too OP.
Usually when they approach me, I will talk to them and tell them.
If we like each other, exchange numbers and probably arrange for a private meet."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We have both only just started going to clubs and the first night we went we only wanted to socialise and play together, we got chatting to a great couple and spent most of the night talking, towards the end they asked us if we wanted to play, we just said no thank you, I did feel a bit mean because they chatted to us all night but it did come in convo earlier on what we were looking for beforehand, still felt awks though. They were really lovely though and just accepted the no.
Tara xx"
This is how I feel  I never know at what point in the conversation I should mention it. I wouldn't want someone to think they had wasted their whole night there chatting to me. |
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"We have both only just started going to clubs and the first night we went we only wanted to socialise and play together, we got chatting to a great couple and spent most of the night talking, towards the end they asked us if we wanted to play, we just said no thank you, I did feel a bit mean because they chatted to us all night but it did come in convo earlier on what we were looking for beforehand, still felt awks though. They were really lovely though and just accepted the no.
Tara xx
This is how I feel I never know at what point in the conversation I should mention it. I wouldn't want someone to think they had wasted their whole night there chatting to me."
This was us though, we had said on several occasions though that we were only there to play together that night but they asked anyway. They were really understanding but I still felt bad x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
What are people's opinions of those who attend clubs but just like to socialise?
Opinion? In what way?
Are you suggesting that attending a club, means you are obliged to have sex with someone other than your partner whilst there?
I assume not, so am unsure why you have an issue with people who only socialise,for whatever reason. I'm happy for them to do so.
Nita "
I don't have an issue Nita, I am one of those people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have both only just started going to clubs and the first night we went we only wanted to socialise and play together, we got chatting to a great couple and spent most of the night talking, towards the end they asked us if we wanted to play, we just said no thank you, I did feel a bit mean because they chatted to us all night but it did come in convo earlier on what we were looking for beforehand, still felt awks though. They were really lovely though and just accepted the no.
Tara xx
This is how I feel I never know at what point in the conversation I should mention it. I wouldn't want someone to think they had wasted their whole night there chatting to me.
This was us though, we had said on several occasions though that we were only there to play together that night but they asked anyway. They were really understanding but I still felt bad x"
If you'd already told them you were only playing with each other, that's really rude and disrespectful of them to ask you! Don't feel bad. X |
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"We have both only just started going to clubs and the first night we went we only wanted to socialise and play together, we got chatting to a great couple and spent most of the night talking, towards the end they asked us if we wanted to play, we just said no thank you, I did feel a bit mean because they chatted to us all night but it did come in convo earlier on what we were looking for beforehand, still felt awks though. They were really lovely though and just accepted the no.
Tara xx
This is how I feel I never know at what point in the conversation I should mention it. I wouldn't want someone to think they had wasted their whole night there chatting to me.
This was us though, we had said on several occasions though that we were only there to play together that night but they asked anyway. They were really understanding but I still felt bad x
If you'd already told them you were only playing with each other, that's really rude and disrespectful of them to ask you! Don't feel bad. X"
They were really nice people though and helped us feel so much more at ease through our first night, on the plus side we had our first experience of saying no thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never any pressure. We don't take one for the team or play if we don't want to. When I'm solo, I would never play if I didn't want to. Having said that, I don't really go to clubs just to socialise. I'd meet friends in the pub or out for a meal in that case. Each to their own though. It's what swinging is all about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is far less play in clubs nowadays as swinging clubs have moved more mainstream, tbh we wish people who didn’t play didn’t go or made it clear from the start that they don’t play, be far easier for those of us who want to play and not wasting our time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have both only just started going to clubs and the first night we went we only wanted to socialise and play together, we got chatting to a great couple and spent most of the night talking, towards the end they asked us if we wanted to play, we just said no thank you, I did feel a bit mean because they chatted to us all night but it did come in convo earlier on what we were looking for beforehand, still felt awks though. They were really lovely though and just accepted the no.
Tara xx
This is how I feel I never know at what point in the conversation I should mention it. I wouldn't want someone to think they had wasted their whole night there chatting to me.
This was us though, we had said on several occasions though that we were only there to play together that night but they asked anyway. They were really understanding but I still felt bad x
If you'd already told them you were only playing with each other, that's really rude and disrespectful of them to ask you! Don't feel bad. X
They were really nice people though and helped us feel so much more at ease through our first night, on the plus side we had our first experience of saying no thank you xx"
I like that you got a positive from it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i attend clubs. i just socialise
i dont play and kinda drop it into conversation early on
Do you then find the conversation ends abruptly?"
not at all. the club i go to has lots of regulars, its good for just the social side
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"There should never be any pressure to play in a club. We always go along for the social side and if we play that is a bonus. Some nights it is nice just to be social. When arranging to meet someone in a club I always say where I will be and if they are there and see me come and say hello. That way there is no pressure on either side.
Thank you for your reply.
Do you never feel obliged if you get into conversation with someone there?
What do you say if you are getting on well, and they initiate or hint at play but you don't want to?"
Sorry just seen your reply.
No I never feel obliged I never make any promise of play so never feel awkward in not playing x |
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"Just want people's opinions on this...
I know there are lots of people on Fab who don't meet for whatever reason. I 100% get this.
If you are a club goer who enjoys the social aspect of going to a club but rarely or never plays, do you feel you need to make this clear to people, either beforehand if chatting on here, or actually at the event?
What are people's opinions of those who attend clubs but just like to socialise?
"
I love the social side of a club and never go there with any intent to play
Both myself and my other half would stay at a hotel so if any connections were made it would be after
Getting dressed up and having a flirt / giggle is what makes the night
Its a great place to meet people for future shenanigans |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont like clubs too dangerous a place
Also i only will meet one woman who matches my awesomeness
Dangerous ?"
very dangerous iv still got a dent and ptsd from the rogue penis clubbing me in the forehead as i was busy happily having sex with a girl
And crosseyes from all the fellas wanking 2 feet from me  |
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"I dont like clubs too dangerous a place
Also i only will meet one woman who matches my awesomeness
Dangerous ?very dangerous iv still got a dent and ptsd from the rogue penis clubbing me in the forehead as i was busy happily having sex with a girl
And crosseyes from all the fellas wanking 2 feet from me "
Not sure what clubs you go to but have you not heard of private rooms in clubs ?
Much more dangerous meeting away from a club - you could be walking into anything ! |
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By *egin551Couple
over a year ago
south west ! |
"There is far less play in clubs nowadays as swinging clubs have moved more mainstream, tbh we wish people who didn’t play didn’t go or made it clear from the start that they don’t play, be far easier for those of us who want to play and not wasting our time.
It’s upto the person who wants to play and not to feel pressured into playing, as a suggestion maybe anyone/couple that only plays, say so the outset of a conversation in order not to waste anyone’s time.
Problem solved !
Happy Fabbing Guys xx
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont like clubs too dangerous a place
Also i only will meet one woman who matches my awesomeness
Dangerous ?very dangerous iv still got a dent and ptsd from the rogue penis clubbing me in the forehead as i was busy happily having sex with a girl
And crosseyes from all the fellas wanking 2 feet from me "
 sorry about that |
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I've found the club scence hit n miss.
I always advise newbies not to go expecting sex and aswell asdon't give it out too freely. I've always believe do some ground work, get to know prospective playmates, build a friendship. Sex should be a bonus not a prerequisite.
Yes you'll get full on events, but even these take time to warm up, people like to do bit of socialising. It shows maturity too.
Some just like to flirt. I'm a flirter.
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