FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Rejection and swinging
Rejection and swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Believe it or not swinging is nit about fucking anyone that asks.
Everyone has their own wants turn ons and needs. Some people will fit them some will not.
To swing I think the first thing people need to learn is that you will be rejected. Even if you think you are God's gift you will message people who will not want to meet you or play with you.
Accept this and suck it up.
But rejection can hurt even from strangers and I think alot of people on here then think it's ok to lash out at the person rejecting them.
That's not a healthy way to deal with it for either parties
Simply saying to yourself ok they are not interested in me I will go find someone else who will, don't send the why messages, or the you dont know what your missing or even the beloved hate filled abusive messages (these just make you look like a total idiot by the way)
Move on and find people who want to have fun with you.
You will make your life in the swinging world alot better for everyone.
Have fun and happy fabbing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Exactly the first bit as I do find far to many single men on here thinks this is instas*ag & are entitle to sex which is so not the case just because it’s a swinging site  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Exactly the first bit as I do find far to many single men on here thinks this is instas*ag & are entitled to sex which is so not the case just because it’s a swinging site "
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think more often than not the lashing out is a way of blaming someone else for their own failings, it's easier to think it's someone else's fault than accept that it may lay closer to home.
There does also seem to be a misconception about swinging and sex sites such as this that enable meeting for NSA, that all the normal conventions of relationships go out of the window and it's just one big guaranteed fuckfest - so when it's found not to be the case, disappointment kicks in and frustrations are taken out.
None of the above is of course right and if people could only accept that there actually is no difference from building normal relationships, and that trust, respect, consideration and attraction still play their part - the only difference is the level and length of commitment to the relationship. |
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"How many women have been rejected on this site by men and how did you feel when you were ? "
I have. It felt bad for a bit. I dealt with my feelings offline, after thanking the person for their honesty and before leaving them alone. |
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Rejection can be hard n sometimes cruel if it keeps happening. Job interviews, dating, swinging even selling a car.
Human nature dictates, reacts and perpetuates.
I think if kids are taught better about rejection at school and home they would cope with it better as adults.
Also too much love and appreciation can be a bad thing, a balanced diet of good n bad keeps your feet on the ground and your head out of your ass.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"How many women have been rejected on this site by men and how did you feel when you were ? "
I have once. Well not on the site but after a social. I felt a bit meh about it but only because of how it transpired. I had some wine, spoke to a couple of friends and then thought fuck it and was over it. |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"How many women have been rejected on this site by men and how did you feel when you were ? "
I’ve not rejected anyone outright but you do other things when you feel it isn’t going to work. Blocking is one; effectively giving up is another; tapering off communication is a third; and outright rejection would be the ultimate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rejection is an absolute certainty.
If you can't handle it, you have 1,an over inflated ego.
2, emotional issues.
Fab is not the place for you.
Being nasty to people only serves to reinforce those things.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.  |
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I'm cool with rejection personally these are only words. I grew up in the 90s no internet dating just clubs and a lot of real time rejection. What does get me tho is when a man from a couple pipes up about how to react to rejection!! that's a problem. It's a bit like somebody suddenly getting rich and thinking he knows the best way to live.
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"I'm cool with rejection personally these are only words. I grew up in the 90s no internet dating just clubs and a lot of real time rejection. What does get me tho is when a man from a couple pipes up about how to react to rejection!! that's a problem. It's a bit like somebody suddenly getting rich and thinking he knows the best way to live.
"
Yes I know what you mean - these men need to be careful as they’re only one fuck up away from re-joining the rest of us in Dante’s Inferno |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media. "
You see, I don't understand why people do that, whether it be on here or anywhere else - I'd much rather be rejected and politely told why, than be left dangling wondering what I had said or done.
I get that not everyone will find me attractive, or will have met me and found we're not sexually compatible or simply just had a change of heart but to say "Yes, let's do it again" and then go silent is not only cowardly but cruel. At least be honest.
It's compounded on here as it's not the "done" thing to ask or try to get an understanding of what you did wrong, so you are left to wonder when I'm fact it might be nothing at all to do with something you did.
And yeah I get that here it's about NSA and that no-one owes anyone anything nor are there any commitments - but a little decency and consideration both ways wouldn't go amiss either.
I also know that the issue has arisen because of those that can't take rejection but if you've got to know someone well enough to get naked with them (as can be the case here) surely you know them well enough to be able to gauge how they'll react and be honest with them when it's run it's course. |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"Believe it or not swinging is nit about fucking anyone that asks.
Everyone has their own wants turn ons and needs. Some people will fit them some will not.
To swing I think the first thing people need to learn is that you will be rejected. Even if you think you are God's gift you will message people who will not want to meet you or play with you.
Accept this and suck it up.
But rejection can hurt even from strangers and I think alot of people on here then think it's ok to lash out at the person rejecting them.
That's not a healthy way to deal with it for either parties
Simply saying to yourself ok they are not interested in me I will go find someone else who will, don't send the why messages, or the you dont know what your missing or even the beloved hate filled abusive messages (these just make you look like a total idiot by the way)
Move on and find people who want to have fun with you.
You will make your life in the swinging world alot better for everyone.
Have fun and happy fabbing.
"
What happened? X |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media. "
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is. |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"I'm cool with rejection personally these are only words. I grew up in the 90s no internet dating just clubs and a lot of real time rejection. What does get me tho is when a man from a couple pipes up about how to react to rejection!! that's a problem. It's a bit like somebody suddenly getting rich and thinking he knows the best way to live.
Yes I know what you mean - these men need to be careful as they’re only one fuck up away from re-joining the rest of us in Dante’s Inferno "
I don’t mean to sound like the bloke who obnoxiously disagrees with the other single blokes here, but I have spoken to Boo and I think he means it in a nicer way than it came across; besides, let’s not forget it IS hurtful to be called shit names when you have politely rejected somebody, which is what may have happened x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is. "
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite, "
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"I'm cool with rejection personally these are only words. I grew up in the 90s no internet dating just clubs and a lot of real time rejection. What does get me tho is when a man from a couple pipes up about how to react to rejection!! that's a problem. It's a bit like somebody suddenly getting rich and thinking he knows the best way to live.
Yes I know what you mean - these men need to be careful as they’re only one fuck up away from re-joining the rest of us in Dante’s Inferno
I don’t mean to sound like the bloke who obnoxiously disagrees with the other single blokes here, but I have spoken to Boo and I think he means it in a nicer way than it came across; besides, let’s not forget it IS hurtful to be called shit names when you have politely rejected somebody, which is what may have happened x"
When you have to have someone else explain what you meant then you’re not the best communicator
It came across as very smug and didactic - not a great look
And not a very necessary sermon either, as I pointed out earlier
But I’m sure he’s a nice bloke really |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite,
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner"
I think it’s a crap line and I 100% agree with you - but that’s what gets trotted out on here lots of times |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite,
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner"
I have been mercilessly trolled for agreeing along similar lines with what you said; but, it’s the cyberspace....for better or worse some people will reject other people unceremoniously....not nice but, it happens x |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite,
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner
I have been mercilessly trolled for agreeing along similar lines with what you said; but, it’s the cyberspace....for better or worse some people will reject other people unceremoniously....not nice but, it happens x"
It does - it’s piss poor but they don’t care as they’re largely anonymous on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite,
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner
I have been mercilessly trolled for agreeing along similar lines with what you said; but, it’s the cyberspace....for better or worse some people will reject other people unceremoniously....not nice but, it happens x"
I think there’s a difference in being rejected by a cold message to having a date with someone communicating for a couple of weeks prior and after date contacting saying how much you enjoyed their company and would like another date then saying no sorry I didn’t feel a spark. I do feel I should of been given a better explanation and it’s not comparable to cold messaging as I said above. |
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"Believe it or not swinging is nit about fucking anyone that asks.
Everyone has their own wants turn ons and needs. Some people will fit them some will not.
To swing I think the first thing people need to learn is that you will be rejected. Even if you think you are God's gift you will message people who will not want to meet you or play with you.
Accept this and suck it up.
But rejection can hurt even from strangers and I think alot of people on here then think it's ok to lash out at the person rejecting them.
That's not a healthy way to deal with it for either parties
Simply saying to yourself ok they are not interested in me I will go find someone else who will, don't send the why messages, or the you dont know what your missing or even the beloved hate filled abusive messages (these just make you look like a total idiot by the way)
Move on and find people who want to have fun with you.
You will make your life in the swinging world alot better for everyone.
Have fun and happy fabbing.
"
 |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite,
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner
I have been mercilessly trolled for agreeing along similar lines with what you said; but, it’s the cyberspace....for better or worse some people will reject other people unceremoniously....not nice but, it happens x
I think there’s a difference in being rejected by a cold message to having a date with someone communicating for a couple of weeks prior and after date contacting saying how much you enjoyed their company and would like another date then saying no sorry I didn’t feel a spark. I do feel I should of been given a better explanation and it’s not comparable to cold messaging as I said above. "
It is comparable - you were messed around and ultimately rejected.
My real view is that you were treated abominably and you deserve to be treated better as a human being.
But my Fab view is, man up buttercup and get over it as that is what passes for civility on this site. If you complain about rudeness, however, you get private messages from some on this forum telling you to leave the site. Funny really.
You’re worth more than being messed around by some idiot - and you’ll find someone better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite,
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner
I have been mercilessly trolled for agreeing along similar lines with what you said; but, it’s the cyberspace....for better or worse some people will reject other people unceremoniously....not nice but, it happens x
I think there’s a difference in being rejected by a cold message to having a date with someone communicating for a couple of weeks prior and after date contacting saying how much you enjoyed their company and would like another date then saying no sorry I didn’t feel a spark. I do feel I should of been given a better explanation and it’s not comparable to cold messaging as I said above.
It is comparable - you were messed around and ultimately rejected.
My real view is that you were treated abominably and you deserve to be treated better as a human being.
But my Fab view is, man up buttercup and get over it as that is what passes for civility on this site. If you complain about rudeness, however, you get private messages from some on this forum telling you to leave the site. Funny really.
You’re worth more than being messed around by some idiot - and you’ll find someone better "
It’ was a date from the real world as such. He asked me out in person! Not even on here. So I disagree. We actually physically met had food and drinks arranged another date. Spoke on phone numerous times. He certainly wasn’t showing signs of no spark. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think it’s because on here you are telling people your deepest desires or displaying pics of yourself you probably wouldn’t elsewhere. So by laying yourself bare rejection hurts but as I heard someone say the other day...if we all liked the same person we’d all be married to your dad |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite,
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner
I have been mercilessly trolled for agreeing along similar lines with what you said; but, it’s the cyberspace....for better or worse some people will reject other people unceremoniously....not nice but, it happens x
I think there’s a difference in being rejected by a cold message to having a date with someone communicating for a couple of weeks prior and after date contacting saying how much you enjoyed their company and would like another date then saying no sorry I didn’t feel a spark. I do feel I should of been given a better explanation and it’s not comparable to cold messaging as I said above.
It is comparable - you were messed around and ultimately rejected.
My real view is that you were treated abominably and you deserve to be treated better as a human being.
But my Fab view is, man up buttercup and get over it as that is what passes for civility on this site. If you complain about rudeness, however, you get private messages from some on this forum telling you to leave the site. Funny really.
You’re worth more than being messed around by some idiot - and you’ll find someone better
It’ was a date from the real world as such. He asked me out in person! Not even on here. So I disagree. We actually physically met had food and drinks arranged another date. Spoke on phone numerous times. He certainly wasn’t showing signs of no spark. "
Ah well, shows what happens when you try and be supportive - more argument
Move on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite,
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner
I have been mercilessly trolled for agreeing along similar lines with what you said; but, it’s the cyberspace....for better or worse some people will reject other people unceremoniously....not nice but, it happens x
I think there’s a difference in being rejected by a cold message to having a date with someone communicating for a couple of weeks prior and after date contacting saying how much you enjoyed their company and would like another date then saying no sorry I didn’t feel a spark. I do feel I should of been given a better explanation and it’s not comparable to cold messaging as I said above.
It is comparable - you were messed around and ultimately rejected.
My real view is that you were treated abominably and you deserve to be treated better as a human being.
But my Fab view is, man up buttercup and get over it as that is what passes for civility on this site. If you complain about rudeness, however, you get private messages from some on this forum telling you to leave the site. Funny really.
You’re worth more than being messed around by some idiot - and you’ll find someone better
It’ was a date from the real world as such. He asked me out in person! Not even on here. So I disagree. We actually physically met had food and drinks arranged another date. Spoke on phone numerous times. He certainly wasn’t showing signs of no spark.
Ah well, shows what happens when you try and be supportive - more argument
Move on "
I’m not arguing. Your making out we met on here and you said fab view. I never met him on here |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"I had a vanilla date last week and it went well and he asked me out again after and messaged me saying how much he enjoyed it. Continued to message next few days and then radio silence. I was being ghosted so I messaged asking if he’d had second thoughts, he replied he just didn’t feel a spark and was sorry! I was confused and was thinking wtf why lie and say you want another date and how much you liked me
However I just replied no problems and I wish you well in the future. Deleted and blocked him from my phone and social media.
No one owes you anything we’re always told so that’s how it is.
I didn’t say he owed me anything. I just found it strange to act and behave a certain way and then say something completely the opposite,
The “they don’t owe you anything” line that’s bandied around on here doesn’t wash, if you’ve invested time and energy then people should have the intelligence and thoughtfulness to reject in an adult manner
I have been mercilessly trolled for agreeing along similar lines with what you said; but, it’s the cyberspace....for better or worse some people will reject other people unceremoniously....not nice but, it happens x
I think there’s a difference in being rejected by a cold message to having a date with someone communicating for a couple of weeks prior and after date contacting saying how much you enjoyed their company and would like another date then saying no sorry I didn’t feel a spark. I do feel I should of been given a better explanation and it’s not comparable to cold messaging as I said above.
It is comparable - you were messed around and ultimately rejected.
My real view is that you were treated abominably and you deserve to be treated better as a human being.
But my Fab view is, man up buttercup and get over it as that is what passes for civility on this site. If you complain about rudeness, however, you get private messages from some on this forum telling you to leave the site. Funny really.
You’re worth more than being messed around by some idiot - and you’ll find someone better
It’ was a date from the real world as such. He asked me out in person! Not even on here. So I disagree. We actually physically met had food and drinks arranged another date. Spoke on phone numerous times. He certainly wasn’t showing signs of no spark.
Ah well, shows what happens when you try and be supportive - more argument
Move on
I’m not arguing. Your making out we met on here and you said fab view. I never met him on here "
I never mentioned where you met him did I?
Let’s leave the discussion there shall we? Sigh... |
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I'm not rejected by the one that counts. My partner in life. We live our lives together.
A fellow swinger just popping in for a moment, rejecting us is not a corncern we stress about. We have been accepted by many. We will be accepted by many more, and rejected by some.
No worries. |
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