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Women's Infidelity
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"Any thoughts?" None really, as my attention span is waining at the minute so I only got to the first paragraph. | |||
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""After researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous." (Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity) Michelle goes on to say: Women's relationships today follow a very predictable pattern: They push men for commitment They get what they want They lose interest in sex They become attracted to someone else They start cheating They become angry and resentful They begin telling their partners that they need time apart They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages. If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex; but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.” Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities. The "stages" that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships Several years into my research I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I inter_iewed. I categorized these into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire. Stage 1 Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They _iew sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them. Stage 2 Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involves sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters. Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow. Stage 3 Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love. These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions. Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands. The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.” Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness. Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on. Stage 4 The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship. The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship. Women are cheating and relationships are ending because men and women lack necessary information. Today's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved - once you understand what the real problem is. " Spose a shags out of the question then?  | |||
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"Even though I was unfaithful to my ex, it was in a swinging capacity (I know, I know) so didn't get particularly attached to anyone. However, the relationship was sexless and loveless and it was only a matter of time before we split up. The surprising thing was that he met someone and left me first! But we split amicably. I have since had two relationships and, although I was not unfaithful during either of them, I know it wouldn't have lasted. I am now very happily single and intend to stay that way because I know I need variety, and have no intention of commiting to a relationship that will, sooner or later, become stale and boring. I have a very high sex drive and not one of my longterm relationships have been able to keep up. So I have basically pre-empted the problems shown in the OP by refusing to become involved again." I have question: Looking back, do you think your behaviour at the time made him feel distanced from you and made him look elsewhere? Also, what was the main trigger? Was he to blame or was it your own feelings? | |||
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"i like to think we are honest with each other and after 7 years still have great sex at home with each other and with others,but its all above board Maybe despite what others think swingers stay the best chance of long term relationship@)" Not really. Swinging is still a minefield of emotions and some couples don't benefit from the lifestyle and use it to mask deeper problems. | |||
"Thank you so much OP. Your post made me look up the author's book on Amazon where I found this fabulous re_iew: "So its just another book written by a woman blaming men again..why am I not suprised. Men have built civilizations and invented everything a woman uses today like the car, internet, computer exct. The least they can do is give us a little credit. By the way I find it pathethic that a woman needs to read a book to "understand" herself. Pretty much proves that woman are usually the problem now in days with relationships. As a man would never need to read a book to "understand" himself. If your wife wants to buy this book for 130 Dollars then let her spend her OWN money and not yours." Cracker! "while the woman makes me dinner, Ive downloaded it as an E-book..I'll read it to her as she sucks me off(i might twist and leave out several derogatory words,phrases, and concepts about men). I'm $130's up...any lads up for comin to the local strip joint???? | |||
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"Even though I was unfaithful to my ex, it was in a swinging capacity (I know, I know) so didn't get particularly attached to anyone. However, the relationship was sexless and loveless and it was only a matter of time before we split up. The surprising thing was that he met someone and left me first! But we split amicably. I have since had two relationships and, although I was not unfaithful during either of them, I know it wouldn't have lasted. I am now very happily single and intend to stay that way because I know I need variety, and have no intention of commiting to a relationship that will, sooner or later, become stale and boring. I have a very high sex drive and not one of my longterm relationships have been able to keep up. So I have basically pre-empted the problems shown in the OP by refusing to become involved again. I have question: Looking back, do you think your behaviour at the time made him feel distanced from you and made him look elsewhere? Also, what was the main trigger? Was he to blame or was it your own feelings?" Bit of column A, bit of column B. We stopped having sex because he wasn't interested. I tried to discuss it with him but no dice, so I started meeting guys for sex. I wasn't as cunning as I thought and he worked it out, and we had a long discussion on holiday about it. He promised to increase the sexy times and I promised to stop shagging around. We got back from our hols, and nothing changed. Once a year if I was lucky. We staggered on for another 4 years for the daughter but neither of us was happy. There were other things that caused problems in the relationship but if he'd at least tried to shag me I wouldn't have looked elsewhere. Which is why I tend to sympathise with the married guys on here - none of us know how much they've discussed it with their OH and nothing has changed. | |||
"Even though I was unfaithful to my ex, it was in a swinging capacity (I know, I know) so didn't get particularly attached to anyone. However, the relationship was sexless and loveless and it was only a matter of time before we split up. The surprising thing was that he met someone and left me first! But we split amicably. I have since had two relationships and, although I was not unfaithful during either of them, I know it wouldn't have lasted. I am now very happily single and intend to stay that way because I know I need variety, and have no intention of commiting to a relationship that will, sooner or later, become stale and boring. I have a very high sex drive and not one of my longterm relationships have been able to keep up. So I have basically pre-empted the problems shown in the OP by refusing to become involved again. I have question: Looking back, do you think your behaviour at the time made him feel distanced from you and made him look elsewhere? Also, what was the main trigger? Was he to blame or was it your own feelings? Bit of column A, bit of column B. We stopped having sex because he wasn't interested. I tried to discuss it with him but no dice, so I started meeting guys for sex. I wasn't as cunning as I thought and he worked it out, and we had a long discussion on holiday about it. He promised to increase the sexy times and I promised to stop shagging around. We got back from our hols, and nothing changed. Once a year if I was lucky. We staggered on for another 4 years for the daughter but neither of us was happy. There were other things that caused problems in the relationship but if he'd at least tried to shag me I wouldn't have looked elsewhere. Which is why I tend to sympathise with the married guys on here - none of us know how much they've discussed it with their OH and nothing has changed. " Thanks for posting this - understanding other's experiences and points of _iew really helps. The original post concludes with: Today's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved - once you understand what the real problem is. Is the real problem that we just stop thinking of our partner as being sexually exciting and someone we need to make love to? | |||
"Even though I was unfaithful to my ex, it was in a swinging capacity (I know, I know) so didn't get particularly attached to anyone. However, the relationship was sexless and loveless and it was only a matter of time before we split up. The surprising thing was that he met someone and left me first! But we split amicably. I have since had two relationships and, although I was not unfaithful during either of them, I know it wouldn't have lasted. I am now very happily single and intend to stay that way because I know I need variety, and have no intention of commiting to a relationship that will, sooner or later, become stale and boring. I have a very high sex drive and not one of my longterm relationships have been able to keep up. So I have basically pre-empted the problems shown in the OP by refusing to become involved again. I have question: Looking back, do you think your behaviour at the time made him feel distanced from you and made him look elsewhere? Also, what was the main trigger? Was he to blame or was it your own feelings? Bit of column A, bit of column B. We stopped having sex because he wasn't interested. I tried to discuss it with him but no dice, so I started meeting guys for sex. I wasn't as cunning as I thought and he worked it out, and we had a long discussion on holiday about it. He promised to increase the sexy times and I promised to stop shagging around. We got back from our hols, and nothing changed. Once a year if I was lucky. We staggered on for another 4 years for the daughter but neither of us was happy. There were other things that caused problems in the relationship but if he'd at least tried to shag me I wouldn't have looked elsewhere. Which is why I tend to sympathise with the married guys on here - none of us know how much they've discussed it with their OH and nothing has changed. " Cheers for the reply! I'm sat here wondering how people get together at all! From what I've read here, people's own stories and the testimonials off the page where the OP found this information, it provides good insight but it's sounds almost defeatist. I feel it partly isolates a husband/partner from the relationship as he's tries to engage with his loved one though it might be a losing battle. While this information provides a lot of answers, the questions it leaves will fill volumes to come. | |||
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"Ill respond more more if theres ever a similar post about mens infidelty and then ill compare the data "We must have been typing at the same time! | |||
"Ill respond more more if theres ever a similar post about mens infidelty and then ill compare the data
We must have been typing at the same time! "Such thoughts crossed my mind but I'm interested in why women cheat because it's rarely talked about and are just as likely (probably more) to commit acts of infidelity than men. Sneaky Vixens! | |||
"Any thoughts?" Yes, my main thought would be where did she get her research and data from? And how recent is it? And that she has oversimplified it a bit really.  | |||
"Any thoughts? Yes, my main thought would be where did she get her research and data from? And how recent is it? And that she has oversimplified it a bit really. "How do you feel she's oversimplified? | |||
"Any thoughts? Yes, my main thought would be where did she get her research and data from? And how recent is it? And that she has oversimplified it a bit really.
How do you feel she's oversimplified?"The clue was in the smiley  | |||
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"Any thoughts? Yes, my main thought would be where did she get her research and data from? And how recent is it? And that she has oversimplified it a bit really.
How do you feel she's oversimplified?
The clue was in the smiley"Haha! | |||
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" In a nutshell women are too demanding in a relationship these days and are never satisfied. " Are men less demanding and more satisfied? | |||
"Demanding as in demanding of the metaphorical princess life. The sort of lifestyle sold by Disney and peddled by Women's magazines. I'm all for treating a lady like a princess. It's just not possible or practical 24/7. It's not true of all women. It's just an increasing number are sold on fairytale life." Society and media feeds us all a fairytale life that we desire to have, men and women alike. | |||
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Too often people marry and think it is the end, not the start of the journey...
Oh and before anyone comments, kev has his journey too, but if he wanted to share it, he would waste hours on the interweb | |||
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"I was never happy in a relationship, in fact my friends always said the only time i was happy was when i was single. I wasnt unfaithful to my ex husband we met people together but i was unfaithful in other relationships. Took me along while to understand why. I wasnt born to be monogomous, i like variety, i also dont think i was born to live with a man either. I used to think there was something wrong with me, took me along while to realize it was just the way i was made. Also your expected to take a certain path in life, meet a man settle down get married. I guess i always knew that wasnt my path but didnt realize there was an alternative life that suited me perfectly. What i have now is perfect for me, im in a wonderful loving relationship with a guy who has the same thoughts as me, doest want to live with me, marry me or tie me down. We are both happy to be who we are. God forbid anything happened between us but i know the only way i could be in another relationship is if it was like it is now" It is wonderful when you meet a person who loves you as you are, rather than trying to change you...however it also takes courage to accept yourself, you should be proud you do. | |||
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"Wow, what a great read that is, anyone here got the guts to write a male version?" stage 1 : man gets horny stage 2 : man joins fab stage 3 : man gets no luck so shags secretary stage 4 : man goes home for his tea | |||
"Is the real problem that we just stop thinking of our partner as being sexually exciting and someone we need to make love to? Need to get back to the exciting imaginative sex!" yep, I agree and that is why I was trying to say. | |||
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"Thank you so much OP. Your post made me look up the author's book on Amazon where I found this fabulous re_iew: "So its just another book written by a woman blaming men again..why am I not suprised. Men have built civilizations and invented everything a woman uses today like the car, internet, computer exct. The least they can do is give us a little credit. By the way I find it pathethic that a woman needs to read a book to "understand" herself. Pretty much proves that woman are usually the problem now in days with relationships. As a man would never need to read a book to "understand" himself. If your wife wants to buy this book for 130 Dollars then let her spend her OWN money and not yours." Cracker!
while the woman makes me dinner, Ive downloaded it as an E-book..I'll read it to her as she sucks me off(i might twist and leave out several derogatory words,phrases, and concepts about men).
I'm $130's up...any lads up for comin to the local strip joint????"Hahaha this made me giggle | |||
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"Wow, what a great read that is, anyone here got the guts to write a male version? stage 1 : man gets horny stage 2 : man joins fab stage 3 : man gets no luck so shags secretary stage 4 : man goes home for his tea" men have two stages: hungry and horny, if he aint got a hardon give him a butty lol great post polo must read it properly when i have more time sparks | |||
"Ah! She has just brought out another book as a follow up that explains how to use the information to make positive changes and save your relationship Now it makes sense" is that $130 as well then pmsl | |||
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-Smug Smile! | |||
"Never read so much rubbish !" +1 | |||
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"Thanks polo and _umour for your posts on this, really interesting reading! Although I personally cant identify with all the stages described, I can see how the stages progress. I know there are many different reasons why marriages/relationships fail. But after reading both polo and _umours posts I wondered if; 1) some people get married/live together but dont really know eachother well, therefore cant grow together? 2) do just get plain ole bored of the life they have made for themselves, so its easier to think 'the grass is greener' 3) become addicted to the above mentioned 'chemical high' of excitement attached to a new relationship, and so keep trying to get that high by cheating, as they believe they wont achieve it with their current partner? 4) have an unrealistic _iew about what a marriage/longterm relationship is? I blame the Walt Disney films and rom com crap ive grown up with!! "Short answer? (Hooray, I hear you say? lol) I would say No.4 is one of the top ones, coupled with No.1, for couples married in the 60's onwards that have a total breakdown. If it is infidelity rather than a break up.. No.2.. Not sure about the chemical high, but I can see it! | |||
