FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > The deciding factor?
The deciding factor?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Single ladies / single men / couples
What is your normal deciding factor to go ahead with a meet? Apart from obviously feeling an attraction to the other person / couple.
Is it their verifications? A connection through messaging? A vibe? Location? What is it?
I know every person is different - but how do you move from the message stage to a social or play meet?
x Niki |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Initially it’s the pictures and their profile but within a few messages we know if we are likely to meet or not and if it’s the latter, we let the conversation fizzle out
"
Fizzle out? Do you not just say it's not for you? A polite no thank you? |
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"Combination of things, but connection messaging plus lack of red flags.
What are your red flags? "
Can't say precisely. Just, there's something not right about this, I don't trust this person, that sort of thing. I'm naturally wary to begin with, that needs to be resolved, plus nothing else troubling coming up. |
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A vibe and a bit of all the above
but 90 % is down to a combination of timing on just how horny you are ( even more tricky as a couple ) and if you have the time in and amongst everything in your normal family life to just go for it
That’s why clubs are much easier albeit less sexy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Combination of things, but connection messaging plus lack of red flags.
What are your red flags?
Can't say precisely. Just, there's something not right about this, I don't trust this person, that sort of thing. I'm naturally wary to begin with, that needs to be resolved, plus nothing else troubling coming up. "
OK, get it. For me, it's only been when I've been chatting to what seemed like a single fem, but the messages back were sounding incredibly....erm..male!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Single ladies / single men / couples
What is your normal deciding factor to go ahead with a meet? Apart from obviously feeling an attraction to the other person / couple.
Is it their verifications? A connection through messaging? A vibe? Location? What is it?
I know every person is different - but how do you move from the message stage to a social or play meet?
x Niki"
definitely a vibe, verifications mean nothing, a personality, a look  |
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Their pictures and profile are important factors but I guess its more of a vibe for me.
I only meet people I'll actually get along with, as in would like to chat and have a laugh.
So I tend to text people for a bit before we meet and if it seems like we mix well and have plenty to talk about then I'll meet them. And if I don't enjoy texting them then I won't. |
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"Combination of things, but connection messaging plus lack of red flags.
What are your red flags?
Can't say precisely. Just, there's something not right about this, I don't trust this person, that sort of thing. I'm naturally wary to begin with, that needs to be resolved, plus nothing else troubling coming up.
OK, get it. For me, it's only been when I've been chatting to what seemed like a single fem, but the messages back were sounding incredibly....erm..male! "
I've had that too. There can be a bit of "no woman talks like that..." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good message, nice photos and verifications tip the balance for me.
My red flags usually revolve around message construction and verifications from the same person over and over despite them not being verified themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Single ladies / single men / couples
What is your normal deciding factor to go ahead with a meet? Apart from obviously feeling an attraction to the other person / couple.
Is it their verifications? A connection through messaging? A vibe? Location? What is it?
I know every person is different - but how do you move from the message stage to a social or play meet?
x Nikidefinitely a vibe, verifications mean nothing, a personality, a look "
Yes, Gerry, see where you are coming from. I've found that even profiles with a few verifications can be fake... But then there are plenty of people on here that won't meet unless someone is verified! A paradox in itself...
N x |
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"Combination of things, but connection messaging plus lack of red flags.
What are your red flags?
Can't say precisely. Just, there's something not right about this, I don't trust this person, that sort of thing. I'm naturally wary to begin with, that needs to be resolved, plus nothing else troubling coming up.
OK, get it. For me, it's only been when I've been chatting to what seemed like a single fem, but the messages back were sounding incredibly....erm..male!
I've had that too. There can be a bit of "no woman talks like that..." "
 |
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"How about grammar / proper english? Does it put you off if you get text speech, or is it just me being OCD?
Nx"
It's in my con column (pros and cons) but I don't weigh it heavily unless it's truly unreadable. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How about grammar / proper english? Does it put you off if you get text speech, or is it just me being OCD?
Nx
It's in my con column (pros and cons) but I don't weigh it heavily unless it's truly unreadable. "
ya meen when folk don't use Commas or us CAPITALS for everything to talk bout sumethin you think you like them they have nice pics there ass is cute do you wanna feck? ya man!!!
AUTO BLOCK!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Single ladies / single men / couples
What is your normal deciding factor to go ahead with a meet? Apart from obviously feeling an attraction to the other person / couple.
Is it their verifications? A connection through messaging? A vibe? Location? What is it?
I know every person is different - but how do you move from the message stage to a social or play meet?
x Nikidefinitely a vibe, verifications mean nothing, a personality, a look
Yes, Gerry, see where you are coming from. I've found that even profiles with a few verifications can be fake... But then there are plenty of people on here that won't meet unless someone is verified! A paradox in itself...
N x"
yes but the people that won't meet unless you're verified are probably hardened swingers and probably very difficult to get to know anyway, messaging some is a nightmare here, they are talking to so many people |
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Pics and profile to start with, then verifications. Once I start chatting, English, grammar and a sense of humour. All bodes well for that initial meeting.
I can't stand one liners and "fancy a fuck" messages  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"yes but the people that won't meet unless you're verified are probably hardened swingers and probably very difficult to get to know anyway, messaging some is a nightmare here, they are talking to so many people "
Oh dear - so if you are verified you may still be fake, if you are not verified, many people won't even message you... My head spins.... oh the world of fab...
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How about grammar / proper english? Does it put you off if you get text speech, or is it just me being OCD?
Nx"
It can put me off as I don't want things to be hard work, and deciphering that to me equates brain effort. I like things to just flow ya know?
We both work all kinds of strange shifts and pinning down a meet is practically impossible unless we've both booked holiday, so those that can't seem to understand that and keep pestering for "when" is enough to shut me off from them.
Verifications don't phase me so much, as people look for different things at times, however the who they may have met can make a difference.
Mutual attraction, and a sense of being relaxed is what I need.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"yes but the people that won't meet unless you're verified are probably hardened swingers and probably very difficult to get to know anyway, messaging some is a nightmare here, they are talking to so many people
Oh dear - so if you are verified you may still be fake, if you are not verified, many people won't even message you... My head spins.... oh the world of fab...
"
lol its easier than you think you are in a better position than most, you have a partner you don't actually need us, just start from there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Oh dear - so if you are verified you may still be fake, if you are not verified, many people won't even message you... My head spins.... oh the world of fab...
lol its easier than you think you are in a better position than most, you have a partner you don't actually need us, just start from there "
Thanks! Yes, thank goodness we already have an amazing sex life.... We just never thought that fab would be so complicated! Saying that, I'm getting to know some lovely peeps on the forums - a big bonus!!
N x |
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‘Bumping into’ someone at a club is a lot easier and can be more immediate - you’re already in the right time and place. Arranging a meet seems a lot more complicated and takes more will to do arrange. Given that, for me there has to be more of a connection than purely a reaction to someone’s photos to make all the effort worthwhile. Or maybe I’m just fussy. |
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Feeling of connection. There has to be something in messages or in a profile description that would strike us.
Location is important too, we might travel to play with somebody we know, but setting up a first meet 200 miles away is out of question. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes, in your shoes, OP, I'd get to a club. "
Yeah we are doing when we get chance - possibly this Friday... but I was more interested in how people on here move from messaging to meeting - i.e. what the key ticks in boxes they are looking for. It's a vast subject to cover - I'm aware of that, and have not been surprised by the answers...
Thanks x N |
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There isn't a single deciding factor for us. As the connection develops our choice to meet would involve what they look like, what they say on their profile and how they come across as we message each other and possibly talk on the phone. These come up at different times and issues with any of those could be a deal-breaker. |
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I prefer to meet at a club, so if I'm let down it hasn't ruined my night. Prior to that, decent pictures, messages that aren't all about sex and some decent verifications from other Tgirls helps as well |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I prefer to meet at a club, so if I'm let down it hasn't ruined my night. Prior to that, decent pictures, messages that aren't all about sex and some decent verifications from other Tgirls helps as well "
Thanks, think we are planning on going to a club on Friday. A little scared and nervous tbh... xx N |
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"I prefer to meet at a club, so if I'm let down it hasn't ruined my night. Prior to that, decent pictures, messages that aren't all about sex and some decent verifications from other Tgirls helps as well
Thanks, think we are planning on going to a club on Friday. A little scared and nervous tbh... xx N"
Nerves are good so is feeling excited as well I can almost guarantee the next day you’ll plan your next visit 
Which club ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On here....
If we swap pics and all happy, they are articulate and don’t fuck around arranging the meet, we then say yes and away we go, if the meet doesn’t work out on the night so be it. Too many say they can’t get meets but spend weeks taking shite via messaging and over thinking it all, it’s just sex, it’s just fun.... |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Just someone I get in with through messages. Someone who has a good sense of humour and can make me laugh and seems genuine. I always look at their profile if I get a message. I don't take much notice of their veris tho. Their text and pics are more important. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I like your approach, we're not into endless pic swap and messaging, however it's how you get to find the ones "that don't fuck around" as you put it....
Our messages might just be very boring and inarticulate of course.... Are you just direct with asking for a meet?
N x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great question x i like to read profiles and take a look at the horny pics and verifications too x although I think that too many verifications put me off a bit x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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for me it has to be a number of factors i work all over the place so location at the time is a big factor there has to be common interests that both partys are interested in or there is no real point. there does have to be some kind of attraction or you are just not going to enjoy it and enjoyment is what its about when all is said and done. I would love to meet with a couple for some fun but have been let down by couples so many times I rarely ask anymore. if I agree to meet I will always turn up so I think its only fair to expect the same so i guess turst is another factor |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Combination of things, but connection messaging plus lack of red flags.
What are your red flags?
Can't say precisely. Just, there's something not right about this, I don't trust this person, that sort of thing. I'm naturally wary to begin with, that needs to be resolved, plus nothing else troubling coming up. "
My red flags are not messaging of a sociable hour, not really entering into conversation unless it’s sexual, few other things aswell but I just kinda get a gut feeling. |
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"Single ladies / single men / couples
What is your normal deciding factor to go ahead with a meet? Apart from obviously feeling an attraction to the other person / couple.
Is it their verifications? A connection through messaging? A vibe? Location? What is it?
I know every person is different - but how do you move from the message stage to a social or play meet?
x Niki"
For me it's the vibe. 99% of my meets have been with a couple or woman I have spent a while getting to know online. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Single ladies / single men / couples
What is your normal deciding factor to go ahead with a meet? Apart from obviously feeling an attraction to the other person / couple.
Is it their verifications? A connection through messaging? A vibe? Location? What is it?
I know every person is different - but how do you move from the message stage to a social or play meet?
x Niki
For me it's the vibe. 99% of my meets have been with a couple or woman I have spent a while getting to know online. "
How long is a while, if you don't mind me asking? |
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"Single ladies / single men / couples
What is your normal deciding factor to go ahead with a meet? Apart from obviously feeling an attraction to the other person / couple.
Is it their verifications? A connection through messaging? A vibe? Location? What is it?
I know every person is different - but how do you move from the message stage to a social or play meet?
x Niki
For me it's the vibe. 99% of my meets have been with a couple or woman I have spent a while getting to know online.
How long is a while, if you don't mind me asking? "
I think the shortest was about 4 weeks. The longest was about 7 or 8 months. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Single ladies / single men / couples
What is your normal deciding factor to go ahead with a meet? Apart from obviously feeling an attraction to the other person / couple.
Is it their verifications? A connection through messaging? A vibe? Location? What is it?
I know every person is different - but how do you move from the message stage to a social or play meet?
x Niki
For me it's the vibe. 99% of my meets have been with a couple or woman I have spent a while getting to know online.
How long is a while, if you don't mind me asking?
I think the shortest was about 4 weeks. The longest was about 7 or 8 months. "
Thank you, muchly! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I prefer to meet at a club, so if I'm let down it hasn't ruined my night. Prior to that, decent pictures, messages that aren't all about sex and some decent verifications from other Tgirls helps as well
Thanks, think we are planning on going to a club on Friday. A little scared and nervous tbh... xx N
Nerves are good so is feeling excited as well I can almost guarantee the next day you’ll plan your next visit
Which club ? "
Possibly townhouse on the wirral, though it's over an hour's drive from us and we are both working on Saturday... But we only intend for it to be a social. Have you been?
x N |
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"I prefer to meet at a club, so if I'm let down it hasn't ruined my night. Prior to that, decent pictures, messages that aren't all about sex and some decent verifications from other Tgirls helps as well
Thanks, think we are planning on going to a club on Friday. A little scared and nervous tbh... xx N
Nerves are good so is feeling excited as well I can almost guarantee the next day you’ll plan your next visit
Which club ?
Possibly townhouse on the wirral, though it's over an hour's drive from us and we are both working on Saturday... But we only intend for it to be a social. Have you been?
x N"
Yes, I have a membership card somewhere, it’s a great club to start, only been once myself but I’ve kept up with reviews and it always gets decent feedback
Enjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can tell through messaging , if someone is getting back to you regularly then I am likely to meet them. If someone isn’t sharing pictures, face, body etc... then they usually have something to hide or are not confident at all with themselves.
Sure things can fizzle out, but those who you can chat with, have banter and are on the same wavelength, they are the best ones |
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Initially, it’s the profile, the text of the profile is the most important for me personally, it tells me most about the persons personality, the pictures are secondary, I know I don’t photograph particularly well, and I’m sure there isn’t many of us who like selfies!!?!
Yes I like classy ladies, so I would hope that that comes across like that in their profiles and when I message them on here.
I like ‘nice’ people, I like to meet nice ‘people’, even if no play were to occur, then at least I’ve made some solid friends.
HG
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