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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I'm taking it this is a new interest for you OP? If so I'd suggest finding out as much as you can and getting a clear idea in your head of exactly what you are looking for - BDSM is a very broad spectrum from fairly mild kink play at one end to very extreme at the other with a whole range of activities in between.
It can also include various angles for a submissive, some are into pain, some simply servitude, others get off on humiliation, for some it's about the mind games, and a whole heap of other angles too, some will be interested in a combination of some or all of those - so it's key you know where you sit.
Search for BDSM questionnaire and fill in a couple they will help you get your mind round your interests. Can also recommended reading Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns and SM101 both of which are readily available from the usual on-line places and will help build up your knowledge.
It's key that you have a clear idea of boundaries and limits too, this will be one of the first things anh self-respecting Dom/me will ask.
There are various sites dedicated to BDSM - if you search for "Fetish Lifestyle" you'll find them - you could also do worse than get along to a local munch (social for the fetish world) and chat to likeminded people.
As a male submissive, you'll find that female Dommes are the unicorns of the BDSM world so don't expect to find someone straight away - as a result you will also come across a lot of people out to rip you off, or waste your time so be wary.
It's also key to remember that BDSM porn and those books are largely not representative of BDSM as practiced by most, so if they've informed your thinking in any way, then clear that from your head.
Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the really helpful response Gemini I really appreciate you taking the time to do that.
I have been thinking about my boundaries and what areas I like but will definitely do some online questionnaires and see what comes out.
Thanks also for the books I will look them up and have a read! |
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"I'm taking it this is a new interest for you OP? If so I'd suggest finding out as much as you can and getting a clear idea in your head of exactly what you are looking for - BDSM is a very broad spectrum from fairly mild kink play at one end to very extreme at the other with a whole range of activities in between.
It can also include various angles for a submissive, some are into pain, some simply servitude, others get off on humiliation, for some it's about the mind games, and a whole heap of other angles too, some will be interested in a combination of some or all of those - so it's key you know where you sit.
Search for BDSM questionnaire and fill in a couple they will help you get your mind round your interests. Can also recommended reading Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns and SM101 both of which are readily available from the usual on-line places and will help build up your knowledge.
It's key that you have a clear idea of boundaries and limits too, this will be one of the first things anh self-respecting Dom/me will ask.
There are various sites dedicated to BDSM - if you search for "Fetish Lifestyle" you'll find them - you could also do worse than get along to a local munch (social for the fetish world) and chat to likeminded people.
As a male submissive, you'll find that female Dommes are the unicorns of the BDSM world so don't expect to find someone straight away - as a result you will also come across a lot of people out to rip you off, or waste your time so be wary.
It's also key to remember that BDSM porn and those books are largely not representative of BDSM as practiced by most, so if they've informed your thinking in any way, then clear that from your head.
Good luck "
Literally the perfect answer and said everything I was about to say. Bravo!
And welcome to the kinky side OP, you'll not regret it  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm taking it this is a new interest for you OP? If so I'd suggest finding out as much as you can and getting a clear idea in your head of exactly what you are looking for - BDSM is a very broad spectrum from fairly mild kink play at one end to very extreme at the other with a whole range of activities in between.
It can also include various angles for a submissive, some are into pain, some simply servitude, others get off on humiliation, for some it's about the mind games, and a whole heap of other angles too, some will be interested in a combination of some or all of those - so it's key you know where you sit.
Search for BDSM questionnaire and fill in a couple they will help you get your mind round your interests. Can also recommended reading Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns and SM101 both of which are readily available from the usual on-line places and will help build up your knowledge.
It's key that you have a clear idea of boundaries and limits too, this will be one of the first things anh self-respecting Dom/me will ask.
There are various sites dedicated to BDSM - if you search for "Fetish Lifestyle" you'll find them - you could also do worse than get along to a local munch (social for the fetish world) and chat to likeminded people.
As a male submissive, you'll find that female Dommes are the unicorns of the BDSM world so don't expect to find someone straight away - as a result you will also come across a lot of people out to rip you off, or waste your time so be wary.
It's also key to remember that BDSM porn and those books are largely not representative of BDSM as practiced by most, so if they've informed your thinking in any way, then clear that from your head.
Good luck
Literally the perfect answer and said everything I was about to say. Bravo!
And welcome to the kinky side OP, you'll not regret it "
Thanks Kinky Kitten I am really excited and looking forward to exploring parts of my desires I never new I had |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"Thanks Lucy,
Yes I need to look if there are any near me in east anglia based. "
There are a fair few about. A thorough google should find them.
I’ve been going to bdsm clubs and events for over a decade now and they’re really the best way to meet people. |
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When I got interested in BDSM I booked a couple of hours with a pro-domme and tried out a bunch of things with her to see what I liked (and didn't nipple clamps ugh) and took it from there.
Once you know what you want it becomes much easier to find a partner. You'll determine your limits and expectations and you'll find greater acceptance in the scene if you have some knowledge. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks Steve. I will look into that would be good to try things to see what I like and don’t like.
Just done one of the online questionnaire was quite enlightening I’m 100% sub, Rope bunny, degradee and slave. |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"Thanks Steve. I will look into that would be good to try things to see what I like and don’t like.
Just done one of the online questionnaire was quite enlightening I’m 100% sub, Rope bunny, degradee and slave."
Just remember - it’s not a race to the top percentage!
Try a peer rope event if you’re interested in rope bondage. They are non sexual educational events. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks Lucy, yes don’t worry I won’t be racing into anything, going to try a few more questionnaires too as they ask different thing from different perspectives.
It is great to hear from people’s 1st hand experiences like this to help form my views on how I want to take it forwards though.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Thanks Lucy, yes don’t worry I won’t be racing into anything, going to try a few more questionnaires too as they ask different thing from different perspectives.
It is great to hear from people’s 1st hand experiences like this to help form my views on how I want to take it forwards though.
"
Try and find a questionnaire that lists different BDSM activities and has you rate them 1-5 in terms of interest - they're really useful for getting your head round things and where you might sit - they're also handy when it comes to meeting others to see how aligned you are |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
Quite a lot of suggestions for lists and questionnaires.
Personally I find few things more offputting than new male submissives who have a “bucket list” of things to check off that they’ve found on the internet. It makes me feel used, and the whole experience transactional.
I play with male submissives often, but I like to play because I like *them* rather than because their list matches mine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes I think I would like to try things and see how they progress to see if I like them and what turns me on / has no impact.
Good to read some of the various forms of bdsm to understand it more but I think I will gain more from trying certain things as I don’t want to say no to something and never know if I would actually like it. |
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"Yes I think I would like to try things and see how they progress to see if I like them and what turns me on / has no impact.
Good to read some of the various forms of bdsm to understand it more but I think I will gain more from trying certain things as I don’t want to say no to something and never know if I would actually like it. "
That's a really good point. So when you fill out the checklist approach it with a very open mind. There will be some that you'll think flat 'no' but others will make you wonder. Some you will be unsure of and some you'll think 'oh yeah' and some you'll have no idea what it is and have to google lol
Our advice would be only rule out what you are sure on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks Phoenix yes I have already had to google some lol!
I want to keep an open mind and try new things to see if I like them there has been a couple so far that I know I definitely don’t want to try though. |
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"Thanks Phoenix yes I have already had to google some lol!
I want to keep an open mind and try new things to see if I like them there has been a couple so far that I know I definitely don’t want to try though."
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Quite a lot of suggestions for lists and questionnaires.
Personally I find few things more offputting than new male submissives who have a “bucket list” of things to check off that they’ve found on the internet. It makes me feel used, and the whole experience transactional.
I play with male submissives often, but I like to play because I like *them* rather than because their list matches mine."
Oh I absolutely agree those questionnaires shouldn't be used as a bucket list and the initial attraction should very much be about a mutual liking for one another in the same way as any other 'relationship' - but to someone new to the scene, or even when meeting someone new, those lists are a useful guideline to where interests may lie and key in understanding the type of play that may be of interest.
As I said earlier submission comes in many forms, some crave pain, others humiliation or degradation, others like to serve and in my opinion it's important as a submissive to understand and be able to communicate where the individual persons interests lie for themself as much as any potential play partners - otherwise you leave yourself open to possible abuse |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks gemini the lists have opened me up to some things I had not heard of who new about so it is good to understand these to ascertain if I would like them or not. |
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