FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Playing away?Over the side !

Playing away?Over the side !

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Why do so many people chastise those that play outside their long term relationships. Lots of cples have 1 partner who has a high sex drive and feel they need to look for fun outside their relationship.

Its just sex and not love at the end of the day, and most of those people do not want to end their relationships, they just want to live their sex lifes to the full,

your thoughts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

partially agree, some people obviously (in vanilla land) cant see the difference between having sex and making love, but in my opinion, even in swingerland, it is wrong to have sex with other people behind their partners back.

it is cheating

again this is my opinion

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By *londeCazWoman over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

I personally have no problem with attached people who state they are attached - their reasons for playing away are their own and I don't judge. I have met attached folk and will again in the future I'm sure.....

However, I'm now gonna stick the kettle on and get the biscuit tin out and wait for the inevitable backlash - bourbon cream anyone......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't believe people chastise those that play outside their long term relationship but those that do so without the knowledge of their long term partner.

Why would you do something that would hurt the one you love?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I can see this from all sorts of angles, we used to play as a cple and i would love for that to happen again. I'm not gonna pressurize her into anything, i'm just gonna let things take their natural course and keep my fingers crossed.

Is it right to be honest about being in a relationship from the start or just keep hush hush about it.

I'd rather be open from the start

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think people do. There are many cheating people on here having a whale of a time.

It's the cheating ones that can't resist coming onto the forums bitching and whining about being "honest" and "genuine" and can't understand why people don't want to meet them.

Or my personal favourites, the ones that ignore the "i don't meet married men or those that can't accommodate" on my profile (when visible) and tell me they can book a hotel if I'm discreet.

Now honestly...do you really think I'm not going to tell them about themselves?!!

I don't give a rat's behind what married people do, all I ask is you don't try and envigle me in your shenanigans and stop the whining and bitching ffs!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can see this from all sorts of angles, we used to play as a cple and i would love for that to happen again. I'm not gonna pressurize her into anything, i'm just gonna let things take their natural course and keep my fingers crossed.

Is it right to be honest about being in a relationship from the start or just keep hush hush about it.

I'd rather be open from the start"

Well i would rather not know, its your buisness. Its only sex, i dont want to get involved with anyone, to me its just like scratching an itch. I would prefer to meet single men, but if someone contacts me who is nice and i fancy him a lot, then i will see him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Calm down dear, lol i'm not whining or bitching its just a thought i had so thought i'd air it, and see what people thought, its just a chat after all.Contary to sum of your beliefs there are some genuine people on here, (both sexes) that feel this way !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why do so many people chastise those that play outside their long term relationships. Lots of cples have 1 partner who has a high sex drive and feel they need to look for fun outside their relationship.

Its just sex and not love at the end of the day, and most of those people do not want to end their relationships, they just want to live their sex lifes to the full,

your thoughts"

Its not the sex people have a problem with, its the lies and deceit people have a problem with... if my partner wanted to play solo and he came to me about it i would be happy for him to do so.. if he wanted to play solo, went off and did it, hid it from me and lied to me about it.. i would castrate him ( verbally at least) and leave......

We have no problem meeting with married people, infact half of the single fems we have played with have been married but we have always spoken to their partner before to mke sure they are happy, or in the case of one, they both cooked us a lovely roast and we had sunday lunch together before we went off and played with her - which made for an amazing end to the weekend . so i dont think people have a problem with married people playing outside of their relationship... but with those who choose to lie and deceive people... esp their own partner..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its just sex and not love at the end of the day, and most of those people do not want to end their relationships, they just want to live their sex lifes to the full,

your thoughts"

Our thoughts are:

If your partner was informed and happy for you to carry on swinging, then no problem.

We do not want to get involved with anyone that would willingly put their loved ones feelings at risk just to satisfy their sexual needs.

It's not 'just sex', it's cheating and selfish, and you don't need us to tell you that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

hunters i see your point very well, but it must be hard for sum partners to allow their other halfs to have fun outside their relationship and the again there are many that have no problem with it,(well thats what they say !!!!)But there are some people who are stuck between the devil and the deep blus sea, do they or dont they, Most oif not all dont want their relationship to end they just as already stated have a large sex drive and feel thge need to explore what they enjoy !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"hunters i see your point very well, but it must be hard for sum partners to allow their other halfs to have fun outside their relationship and the again there are many that have no problem with it,(well thats what they say !!!!)But there are some people who are stuck between the devil and the deep blus sea, do they or dont they, Most oif not all dont want their relationship to end they just as already stated have a large sex drive and feel thge need to explore what they enjoy !"

ok, but surely if you were in a relationship and that person meant so much to you that you didnt want that to end why would you lie to them and deceive them?

at the end of the day, likelyhood is your gonna get caught... and if your partner isn't at all understanding about this kind of sexual behaviour (i.e sex outside of your relationship) then your relationship is going to end anyway right? so at the end of the day what is easier.. hurting the person you care about and having your own fun, or having lots of fun with your partner and yourself.... even if your partner doesnt want full sex there are other ways they can please you.. hand jobs, blow jobs.. watching porn together etc... and if they wont do that... and they wont let you play outside of the relationship... are they really bothered about your happiness? if not, are they really worth being in a relationship with ?

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

actually i have slightly changed my mind on the subject....

see... if someone went out of a saturday night and had in effect a one night stand... i may... may buy the excuse of drink.. and being caught up in the atmosphere.. and bodily bits thinking instead of brain in head

but... to come onto a swinging site and do it shows cold, calculated and methodical thinking... and that is where i lose a lot of respect for people

I have been cheated on... its not nice, and ripped me up inside for a long time... but hey if you think the risk of being caught is worth the reward of getting said leg over, then I suppose what it shows is how little one thinks of their relationship..

but heck... their decision in the end.....

I have seen the ultimate pain in that a person found out their partner was swinging after they died... they were on their way back from a swinging party when it happen....

and the pain, venom and anguish they let out on the swinging site when they found out is something that will stick with me for a long... long... long time....

but hey... not my problem, not my issue, blissful ignorance hey......

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"actually i have slightly changed my mind on the subject....

but... to come onto a swinging site and do it shows cold, calculated and methodical thinking... and that is where i lose a lot of respect for people

but heck... their decision in the end.....

I have seen the ultimate pain in that a person found out their partner was swinging after they died... they were on their way back from a swinging party when it happen....

and the pain, venom and anguish they let out on the swinging site when they found out is something that will stick with me for a long... long... long time....

but hey... not my problem, not my issue, blissful ignorance hey...... "

If they have an itch to scratch ,see sex worker, its being here i object too...

1. It perpetuates the myth swingers are amoral and fuck anything

2. It asks me to be involved in/condone someones deceit.

3. It makes a mockery of the idea swinging is about sexual openness.

4. As a woman who meets alone with the consent of my husband it clogs up my inbox with mail from men who cant understand what an open honest marriage is.

5. i cannot read a forum post from a man or woman complaining about there partner without feeling compassion for their poor deceived partner, its the way i am.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with everything hunter has said. Nail on the head so to speak.

All personal choice etc, and I get that one of the persons in a relationship might well have a higher sex drive than the other, but then surely they are not compatible in the first place.

If the member with the lower sex drive agrees that the other can go play with others then hey all good, if not why risk the pain caused by lies and decite, the pain of a clean break is surely preferable if you truley care for them?

Just my opinion....oh and getting my husband and I involved in this web of lies is something I really don't appreciate hence when I am contacted by people playing away I tell them to do one!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So if your wife/ partner was just having sex without your knowledge

That would be ok with you then?

If so good thread xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

To be honest,yes as long as she was discreet like i would be yeah, whats good for the goose etc,

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

My options are:

1) Go with out sex for the rest of my life (wanking apart) - I can't bear the thought of that and wanking alone is unsatisfying

2) Leave my wife - I can't bear the thought of that

3) Play away from home safely and discreetly

I fully respect that others may have issues with what I do - but it is my decision to go down this route.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My options are:

1) Go with out sex for the rest of my life (wanking apart) - I can't bear the thought of that and wanking alone is unsatisfying

2) Leave my wife - I can't bear the thought of that

3) Play away from home safely and discreetly

I fully respect that others may have issues with what I do - but it is my decision to go down this route."

Why is there no option to have your wife involved in your pleasure? through one way or the other?

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

"My options are:

1) Go with out sex for the rest of my life (wanking apart) - I can't bear the thought of that and wanking alone is unsatisfying

2) Leave my wife - I can't bear the thought of that

3) Play away from home safely and discreetly

I fully respect that others may have issues with what I do - but it is my decision to go down this route."
Oh yes - if my wife wanted to play away from home too - in a way I'd be pleased - because it means there might be a way for us to find a way to have sex together again.

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By *punkloverCouple over a year ago

hatfield

I suppose it is up to the person who is taking the risk in their own relationship by being on here etc, then it is also up to the couple or person who decides they don't mind that.

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

"I suppose it is up to the person who is taking the risk in their own relationship by being on here etc, then it is also up to the couple or person who decides they don't mind that."
Exactly.

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

"My options are:

1) Go with out sex for the rest of my life (wanking apart) - I can't bear the thought of that and wanking alone is unsatisfying

2) Leave my wife - I can't bear the thought of that

3) Play away from home safely and discreetly

I fully respect that others may have issues with what I do - but it is my decision to go down this route.

Why is there no option to have your wife involved in your pleasure? through one way or the other?"
She has never given me a BJ or allowed me to give her oral. She has never really liked wanking me. She adores my fingerwork...

Apart from that - she is everything I want...

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By *herry n JonesyCouple over a year ago

Oxfordshire / Leicester

"I don't think people do. There are many cheating people on here having a whale of a time.

It's the cheating ones that can't resist coming onto the forums bitching and whining about being "honest" and "genuine" and can't understand why people don't want to meet them.

Or my personal favourites, the ones that ignore the "i don't meet married men or those that can't accommodate" on my profile (when visible) and tell me they can book a hotel if I'm discreet.

Now honestly...do you really think I'm not going to tell them about themselves?!!

I don't give a rat's behind what married people do, all I ask is you don't try and envigle me in your shenanigans and stop the whining and bitching ffs! "

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By *acciWoman over a year ago

leeds

"I suppose it is up to the person who is taking the risk in their own relationship by being on here etc, then it is also up to the couple or person who decides they don't mind that."

Yes thats very true but he did ask,and people are giving their points of _iew.

My point of veiw on this is cheating is cheating full stop,but not all think the same. Hey be a sad sad world if we all agreed lol

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By *andKCouple over a year ago

Norfolk

"actually i have slightly changed my mind on the subject....

but... to come onto a swinging site and do it shows cold, calculated and methodical thinking... and that is where i lose a lot of respect for people

but heck... their decision in the end.....

I have seen the ultimate pain in that a person found out their partner was swinging after they died... they were on their way back from a swinging party when it happen....

and the pain, venom and anguish they let out on the swinging site when they found out is something that will stick with me for a long... long... long time....

but hey... not my problem, not my issue, blissful ignorance hey......

If they have an itch to scratch ,see sex worker, its being here i object too...

1. It perpetuates the myth swingers are amoral and fuck anything

2. It asks me to be involved in/condone someones deceit.

3. It makes a mockery of the idea swinging is about sexual openness.

4. As a woman who meets alone with the consent of my husband it clogs up my inbox with mail from men who cant understand what an open honest marriage is.

5. i cannot read a forum post from a man or woman complaining about there partner without feeling compassion for their poor deceived partner, its the way i am.

agree with this as the male half whose partner does have a 'single' womens profile and does occassionally meet on her own but here is the important bit it is with my TOTAL knowledge (not saying I haven't met on my own either again with K's full knowledge. Neither of us would dream of doing it behind the others back and as someone else said if we did it would betray all trust between us and be tantamount to cheating.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Apart from that - she is everything I want..."

then surely she is worth not lieing to? ( dont answer that, its just for you to think about)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My options are:

1) Go with out sex for the rest of my life (wanking apart) - I can't bear the thought of that and wanking alone is unsatisfying

2) Leave my wife - I can't bear the thought of that

3) Play away from home safely and discreetly

I fully respect that others may have issues with what I do - but it is my decision to go down this route."

It is your decision, but you have to respect the decision of those who don't want to play with someone who is playing away. I prefer to play with completely single guys, and don't knowingly play with a guy who is on here without his other half's consent...partly because I would hate it to be done to me, but also because I wouldn't want any backlash personally from her if/when she found out.

I've clearly put it on my profile that I won't play with someone behind someone else's back, and yet still get messaged by married guys looking for discrete meets who occasionally give me grief when I knock them back...why? It's my choice not to do it just as much as it's your choice to do it! x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I personally have no problem with attached people who state they are attached - their reasons for playing away are their own and I don't judge. I have met attached folk and will again in the future I'm sure.....

However, I'm now gonna stick the kettle on and get the biscuit tin out and wait for the inevitable backlash - bourbon cream anyone......

Yes please

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

Apart from that - she is everything I want...

then surely she is worth not lieing to? ( dont answer that, its just for you to think about)"
It's a fair point - and one I've thought about long and often - but the consequences of being completely open and honest would do neither of us any favours. None of us are ever completely honest about everything we do or think.

Don't get me wrong - if things were to change sexually between us - I'd be one happy guy.

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

"My options are:

1) Go with out sex for the rest of my life (wanking apart) - I can't bear the thought of that and wanking alone is unsatisfying

2) Leave my wife - I can't bear the thought of that

3) Play away from home safely and discreetly

I fully respect that others may have issues with what I do - but it is my decision to go down this route.

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By *eridotWoman over a year ago

Norfolk

"I don't think people do. There are many cheating people on here having a whale of a time.

It's the cheating ones that can't resist coming onto the forums bitching and whining about being "honest" and "genuine" and can't understand why people don't want to meet them.

Or my personal favourites, the ones that ignore the "i don't meet married men or those that can't accommodate" on my profile (when visible) and tell me they can book a hotel if I'm discreet.

Now honestly...do you really think I'm not going to tell them about themselves?!!

I don't give a rat's behind what married people do, all I ask is you don't try and envigle me in your shenanigans and stop the whining and bitching ffs! "

With you 100% on that one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My options are:

1) Go with out sex for the rest of my life (wanking apart) - I can't bear the thought of that and wanking alone is unsatisfying

2) Leave my wife - I can't bear the thought of that

3) Play away from home safely and discreetly

I fully respect that others may have issues with what I do - but it is my decision to go down this route.Oh yes - if my wife wanted to play away from home too - in a way I'd be pleased - because it means there might be a way for us to find a way to have sex together again."

An difficult situation you are in but you don't have to justify your self to people you don't know.

All i would say is your business is yours as long as you don't try and involve people who dont want to be then you should be allowed to do whatever. After all you are not breaking the law.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its just sex and not love at the end of the day, and most of those people do not want to end their relationships, they just want to live their sex lifes to the full,

your thoughts

XXXX

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

"My options are:

1) Go with out sex for the rest of my life (wanking apart) - I can't bear the thought of that and wanking alone is unsatisfying

2) Leave my wife - I can't bear the thought of that

3) Play away from home safely and discreetly

An difficult situation you are in but you don't have to justify your self to people you don't know.

All i would say is your business is yours as long as you don't try and involve people who dont want to be then you should be allowed to do whatever. After all you are not breaking the law."
I am not interested in trying to convert anyone to my way of thinking or justify (or gain acceptance for) my actions - I merely wish to contribute to the debate on this matter.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My options are:

1) Go with out sex for the rest of my life (wanking apart) - I can't bear the thought of that and wanking alone is unsatisfying

2) Leave my wife - I can't bear the thought of that

3) Play away from home safely and discreetly

An difficult situation you are in but you don't have to justify your self to people you don't know.

All i would say is your business is yours as long as you don't try and involve people who dont want to be then you should be allowed to do whatever. After all you are not breaking the law.I am not interested in trying to convert anyone to my way of thinking or justify (or gain acceptance for) my actions - I merely wish to contribute to the debate on this matter. "

You are championing an uphill battle Martin as its an emotional subject. Males naturally want to have sex with as many females as possible and so for that matter do some females. There is a lot of insecurity in swinging which is understandable so you will find that there is a lot of aggression towards cheaters, but when males in couples mail you wanting to meet on their own you can see why.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

I had noticed that and there seems to be an influx of married guys to the site as the number of messages I am getting from them has increased over the last couple of weeks. Shame we cannot have filters that block them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

That wouldn't be much good against the ones who don't tell you. There is an age filter now but people just alter their age to message. Block and delete if you don't like.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its just sex and not love at the end of the day, and most of those people do not want to end their relationships, they just want to live their sex lifes to the full,

your thoughts"

personally i dont care what others do but my question to you is if you found out your partner was fucking guys behind you back would you think....oh well its just sex or would it bother you? because its not just sex its a betrayal of trust, if you dont tell your parter then you know it wrong other wise why not tell her?

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

i would love a filter at some point for singles...

truely single

playing as single with consent of partner

playing as single without consent of partner

that way you can blocks those you want to...

however it would still be reliant of people telling the truth and i know that isn't always the case....

and we may finally be able to get rid of words such "honest" and "genuine" which is like waving a swinging red rag in front of people...

playing

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I don’t have a problem with people having sex…. I have a problem with people who lie and deceive their loved one for the sake of a shag.

Its just sex and not love at the end of the day, and most of those people do not want to end their relationships, they just want to live their sex lifes to the full,

your thoughts"

When their other half accepts that reason, so will I.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I personally have no problem with attached people who state they are attached - their reason for playing away is their own and I don't judge. I have met attached folk and will again in the future I'm sure..... Its them has to explain to their partner not me!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a great thread!! I've had at least three partners get in touch with me asking me who I was (all from people I had refused to see out of a hunch luckily) because their partners had messaged me in some way (phone or on here). So silly to think you will never get caught out!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I personally have no problem with attached people who state they are attached - their reason for playing away is their own and I don't judge. I have met attached folk and will again in the future I'm sure..... Its them has to explain to their partner not me!

Total agreement you choose if you want to meet and if not you don't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Total agreement you choose if you want to meet and if not you don't.

I think this is a sensible way to deal with it.

It's not like you're agreeing to marry someone. A lot of meets on here are one-offs and it really doesn't matter what goes on in people's private lives. It's nobody's business but their's.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't believe people chastise those that play outside their long term relationship but those that do so without the knowledge of their long term partner.

Why would you do something that would hurt the one you love?

Precisely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you thank you thank you,

To all who have posted their thoughts from my initial thread

What a great and interesting species we are I'm sure all who have read and those that have posted have learnt something about themselves and about others.

Whatever your thoughts and feelings , be happy and live your life to.the full

Happy swinging people

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

I meant the amount of threads started lately about it...not that I am complaining marrieds are on the site.

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By *emmefataleWoman over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

"
i tell you what then lets have a block for the married women as well then

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

i tell you what then lets have a block for the married women as well then

that would be good too, but people would just lie about their status.. oh wait they already do that lol

"Genuine single...."

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By *emmefataleWoman over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

i tell you what then lets have a block for the married women as well then

that would be good too, but people would just lie about their status.. oh wait they already do that lol

"Genuine single....""
ok lets have a block one for those that get told to be honest and the ones that are sneaky fuckers then

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I too am getting a steady number of late night unsolicited messages from those who cannot accommodate in the past month or so.

Some would openly say they are married in their profiles and in their opening messages, others were single profile that could not accommodate.

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By *pl- capdagdeCouple over a year ago

Cap d agde,France

We started a thread the same as this only a week ago,so many things get repeated on here... Lol

We stick to the tradional boring old way of swinging.... Couples only that way you can't go wrong... I don't even actually believe that some of the married singles on here would want anyone else to shag their mrs even if she agreed to the idea,many are in it for their own gratification simple...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We started a thread the same as this only a week ago,so many things get repeated on here... Lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i'm single, if a married person has the ok from the other half then fine but if they don't then they are just being sly and cheating, i like meeting in a pub or something and having a drink first, usually if the man is married he needs to hide or stick to certain times,, well, then i can't be arsed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can't say we're worried what anyone does in their life away from a meet, but it becomes a problem when the backlash from the other person's partner becomes part of our life after a meet. If they enjoy it, good luck to them. If they can placate their partner when the inevitable happens and they find out, bravo. Do we want to be involved in the same rollercoaster ride - umm... not really

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

i tell you what then lets have a block for the married women as well then

A good idea but in 2.5 yrs I have only ever had 1 woman as opposed to about 30 males

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it lets all start threads about married people week?

I meant the amount of threads started lately about it...not that I am complaining marrieds are on the site."

yes I know you were, I merely commented that the messages from marrieds has increased over the last few weeks, wonder if the two are interlinked?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What about the long term relationship where one of them has switiched off to sex for some reason or other, what happens to the one left behind who may still want a sex life

As a couple we have a guy who joins us, that is one of these relationships, its his choice and he takes the risk,but why should he be celibate just because she chooses to be. But one this is guarenteed discretion.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I too am getting a steady number of late night unsolicited messages from those who cannot accommodate in the past month or so.

Some would openly say they are married in their profiles and in their opening messages, others were single profile that could not accommodate.

So if you cant accommodate that automatically means someone is married?

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Dear Take A Break magazine

I have been married for 12 years and in the last 2 years I have just gone off sex with my hubby. Sex became very predicable and was more about his needs than mine so it just didn’t turn me on anymore as all the passion and attentive build-up wasn’t there.

I started noticing a change in his behaviour a few months back. At first he was clever and covered his tracks but I could tell he was having sex somewhere else, sometimes I could smell it on him. Eventually he slipped up and I found out he had joined a swingers website and has been meeting women and couples. I have his website account details and the addresses of two of the couples he visits from his satnav:

49 Stenton Lane

122 Farror Road

They look normal people but what sort of people invite married men around to have sex with a woman whilst her husband watches?

Would you be interested in buying my story for your magazine?

Yours sincerely

Mrs Aggrieved

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By *pl- capdagdeCouple over a year ago

Cap d agde,France

"What about the long term relationship where one of them has switiched off to sex for some reason or other, what happens to the one left behind who may still want a sex life

Maybe you should be relate counselors and shag all the poor needy souls with no sex life's in their marriage...maybe these people should spend more time with their partners trying to fix the problem in the relationship that's causing it instead going off else where to find it

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By *pl- capdagdeCouple over a year ago

Cap d agde,France

"Dear Take A Break magazine

49 Stenton Lane

122 Farror Road

They look normal people but what sort of people invite married men around to have sex with a woman whilst her husband watches?

Would you be interested in buying my story for your magazine?

Yours sincerely

Mrs Aggrieved

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

Dear Take A Break magazine

I have been married for 17 years and in the last 5 years my wife has just gone off sex with me - we used to have wonderful sex but now she only wants to cuddle - yet she still turns me on enormously.

I decided I didn't want to finish our relationship, so I decided to join a swingers website where I can meet the occasional lady who is in a similar position.

I wish I didn't have to go down this route, as it means I have to be very discreet in what I do.

Would you be interested in buying my story for your magazine?

Yours sincerely

Mr Unfulfilled

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am always amazed at how people vent their moral indignation on a website but would never do so in public or in a club. I smile at the thought of someone chastising someone else for cheating in a club but in reality that is very unlikely to happen for so many reasons.

To the OP they do because they can whilst in ivory towers, I don’t particularly like people deceiving people however I am not a marriage guidance councillor so will avoid married people and let them sleep in the bed they make as it won’t involve me.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Dear Take A Break magazine

I have been married for 17 years and in the last 5 years my wife has just gone off sex with me - we used to have wonderful sex but now she only wants to cuddle - yet she still turns me on enormously.

I decided I didn't want to finish our relationship, so I decided to join a swingers website where I can meet the occasional lady who is in a similar position.

I wish I didn't have to go down this route, as it means I have to be very discreet in what I do.

Would you be interested in buying my story for your magazine?

Yours sincerely

Mr Unfulfilled"

Dear Mr Unfulfilled

I'm sorry we must decline your offer as we have just bought the story from your wife.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Dear Take A Break magazine

I have been married for 17 years and in the last 5 years my wife has just gone off sex with me - we used to have wonderful sex but now she only wants to cuddle - yet she still turns me on enormously.

I decided I didn't want to finish our relationship, so I decided to join a swingers website where I can meet the occasional lady who is in a similar position.

I wish I didn't have to go down this route, as it means I have to be very discreet in what I do.

Would you be interested in buying my story for your magazine?

Yours sincerely

Mr Unfulfilled"

just a question and i am fascinated to know the answer because no married person here i think has ever answered it?

why a "swinging" site and not for example a "married and looking to play elsewhere" site?

its a genuine question and not a dig....

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

"I am always amazed at how people vent their moral indignation on a website but would never do so in public or in a club. I smile at the thought of someone chastising someone else for cheating in a club but in reality that is very unlikely to happen for so many reasons.

"
Being open to listening to argument, persuasion and debate is healthy in my _iew.

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

"(snip) just a question and i am fascinated to know the answer because no married person here i think has ever answered it?

why a "swinging" site and not for example a "married and looking to play elsewhere" site?

its a genuine question and not a dig...."
Why not?

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"Dear Take A Break magazine

I have been married for 17 years and in the last 5 years my wife has just gone off sex with me - we used to have wonderful sex but now she only wants to cuddle - yet she still turns me on enormously.

I decided I didn't want to finish our relationship, so I decided to join a swingers website where I can meet the occasional lady who is in a similar position.

I wish I didn't have to go down this route, as it means I have to be very discreet in what I do.

Would you be interested in buying my story for your magazine?

Yours sincerely

Mr Unfulfilled

just a question and i am fascinated to know the answer because no married person here i think has ever answered it?

why a "swinging" site and not for example a "married and looking to play elsewhere" site?

its a genuine question and not a dig...."

I would guess that they want to be involved in 3somes, moresomes and that will be found on here versus a married and looking site'.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

May be you are prepared to say what you think on a website but lack minerals to say the same without a keyboard, I don't know, but your assumption and generalisation comes from somewhere.

I can assure you if asked the same question in a pub or a club, on a bus, in the supermarket or anywhere away from my PC... my answers would be the same.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Being open to listening to argument, persuasion and debate is healthy in my _iew."

Being open towards me is appreciated and although someone may be honest with me and not their partner I can only speak from my point of _iew. I don't look to play with attached men for various reasons. I do however appreciate some people have reasons for having extra marital sex. Some of it is for greed others the circumstances can be quite sad. Is everything cut and dried? Well no it isn't and i really don't want to know why people do it and don't condone it. People have reasons the same with married couples wanting extra partners to play with so live and let live and if you don't like avoid. The ones who mislead me though then that's a different matter.

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By *pl- capdagdeCouple over a year ago

Cap d agde,France

"Dear Take A Break magazine

I have been married for 17 years and in the last 5 years my wife has just gone off sex with me - we used to have wonderful sex but now she only wants to cuddle - yet she still turns me on enormously.

I decided I didn't want to finish our relationship, so I decided to join a swingers website where I can meet the occasional lady who is in a similar position.

I wish I didn't have to go down this route, as it means I have to be very discreet in what I do.

Would you be interested in buying my story for your magazine?

Yours sincerely

Mr Unfulfilled

just a question and i am fascinated to know the answer because no married person here i think has ever answered it?

why a "swinging" site and not for example a "married and looking to play elsewhere" site?

its a genuine question and not a dig...."

Or if it's just a sex problem in the marriage why not be discreet by just meeting an escort?

After all 90 % of swinging sex is not about straight sex between a man and woman and most singles guys search couples as well as females

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

May be you are prepared to say what you think on a website but lack minerals to say the same without a keyboard, I don't know, but your assumption and generalisation comes from somewhere.

I can assure you if asked the same question in a pub or a club, on a bus, in the supermarket or anywhere away from my PC... my answers would be the same."

On the contrary I will say things to people face to face in the same manner I would on line but have found few who will do the same. I wouldn’t have pointed this out if I wasn’t happy in doing so myself.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"(snip) just a question and i am fascinated to know the answer because no married person here i think has ever answered it?

why a "swinging" site and not for example a "married and looking to play elsewhere" site?

its a genuine question and not a dig....Why not?"

it was a genuine question... and i think there are two main answers....

1) because people have the perception that swingers just put it about so it is easier to get your leg over, and cheaper than the person with the cards in the phone boxes...

2) because "married and playing away" site are a little too close to home for comfort, which then bring the words, "well i am different to them because.............."

i just find it sad that the rewards for getting leg over is worth the risk of the person you said you love more that anyone in the world finding out and being crushed........ but hey, that is just me

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

On the flip side.... not many cheats stand up at a club and ask a random collective of people "what's wrong with being married and cheating?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can assure you if asked the same question in a pub or a club, on a bus, in the supermarket or anywhere away from my PC... my answers would be the same."

Agreed (well maybe not in a supermarket) but yes in a club

I would and have given the _iew as i do on here that although i understand why someone may be playing away do they really realise the implications and upset that that can cause

I talk on the forums pretty much as i would in real life

But there again im one that does try and see both sides rather than try and get into spats

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"On the flip side.... not many cheats stand up at a club and ask a random collective of people "what's wrong with being married and cheating?"

No that's true and personally I would love to see what the reaction would be. I am sure there would be a huge difference in reaction if it was a woman to a man also if it was to 1 or 2 people as opposed to a large group.

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

"(snip) just a question and i am fascinated to know the answer because no married person here i think has ever answered it?

why a "swinging" site and not for example a "married and looking to play elsewhere" site?

its a genuine question and not a dig....Why not?

it was a genuine question... and i think there are two main answers....

1) because people have the perception that swingers just put it about so it is easier to get your leg over, and cheaper than the person with the cards in the phone boxes...

2) because "married and playing away" site are a little too close to home for comfort, which then bring the words, "well i am different to them because.............."

i just find it sad that the rewards for getting leg over is worth the risk of the person you said you love more that anyone in the world finding out and being crushed........ but hey, that is just me"

It was a genuine, if brief, answer.

I have joined a number of sites over the years, and left many of them as I didn't feel 'part of the community'. It's not all about sex (sometimes flirting is just as rewarding). I have many people I call now friends who I have never shagged - and would never as it would spoil our friendship. There are some I'd love to be a 'regular' with.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"On the flip side.... not many cheats stand up at a club and ask a random collective of people "what's wrong with being married and cheating?"

They'd better not ask either of us then.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People should live their lives the way they want as long as they can live with the decisions and potential consequences of those decisions. They don't have to justify it to a forum, infidelity is probably as old as marriage!

But - it shouldn't be hard to respect the wishes of those who do not want to be involved in an act of deception. There appears to be plenty on here who don't care and believe it's not their business.

I personally feel it's just easier to meet genuine singles or genuine couples, not because of a need to judge specific individuals but simply because I don't want to unnecessarily complicate my life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldnt tell someone off... but i would tell them exactly what i say here, i dont approve and i dont want to be a part of your lies and deceit thanks.. if they pushed the point then i would give them the exact same answers/reasons i have given here and i would definitely ask them why they think its ok to lie to their wife who they love so much they cant leave but they can lie to, cheat on and in the long run really hurt and emotionally damage!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

'Playing with partners consent' is another area I approach with a good helping of caution. I know 'singles' inside and outside of swinging who are playing with partners consent, but that consent is under a degree of duress, athough the consent is there it's not necessarily whole hearted.

I've seen this close up.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"People should live their lives the way they want as long as they can live with the decisions and potential consequences of those decisions. They don't have to justify it to a forum, infidelity is probably as old as marriage!

The truth for the vast majority is they cannot justify it. If there was a perfectly acceptable justification, then they should be selling it to their own partner.

To cheat is a choice, it is not an unavoidable road people have been forced to take.

When we make choices we should at least face up to the fact ‘it was our own choice’ and nothing more than that, rather than trying to make a string of excuses almost to the point of playing the victim.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suppose it is up to the person who is taking the risk in their own relationship by being on here etc, then it is also up to the couple or person who decides they don't mind that."
your right ....... and if people go to clubs on mixed night meeting singles and couples thay would never know only if people wish to tell if married ... alot never ask and alot say its ok at clubs meeting singles married as i never asked them to go meeting them there it makes it ok in a club.

you can never tell if married or not its a risk swinging is .

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By *ovedupstillCouple over a year ago

mullinwire

threads too long to read, so apologies if the point has been made, but there isnt any chastizement of people playing outside of thier relationship PROVIDED BOTH PARTIES ARE IN FULL AGREEMENT AND ARE FULLY AWARE.

its the cheating most people cant stand.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i'm sure some of the "single" guys we've met have had partners that they didn't tell us about..but tbh it's not our buisness, it's their responsability to be truthful with their spouses not ours!! (her)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"(snip) just a question and i am fascinated to know the answer because no married person here i think has ever answered it?

why a "swinging" site and not for example a "married and looking to play elsewhere" site?

its a genuine question and not a dig....Why not?

it was a genuine question... and i think there are two main answers....

1) because people have the perception that swingers just put it about so it is easier to get your leg over, and cheaper than the person with the cards in the phone boxes...

2) because "married and playing away" site are a little too close to home for comfort, which then bring the words, "well i am different to them because.............."

I like the points you make, they are totally relevant. Maybe this guy won't find a married but cheating site because he is probably afraid of the willin partner he may find in these sites will get feelings for him. Possibly he thinks that swinging sites are for people who are actually sex cyborgs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This thread could go on and on..... All I'd say to the OP is why not talk to his wife? If he truly loves her, he should be able to do so - and be honest about what he sees as HIS needs.. Maybe she'll understand.. Sadly the route he is presently taking is likely to end in devastation for her, lack of trust for the future and a horrible sense of injustice - is a quick shag worth it?

Her

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By *ngieandMrManCouple over a year ago

hereford

“Why do so many people chastise those that play outside their long term relationships.”

Because so many people have different values to those to choose to deceive their partner for their own sexual gratification and ‘feel the need’ to express their _iews.

“Lots of cples have 1 partner who has a high sex drive and feel they need to look for fun outside their relationship.”

People should think long and hard before signing the contract ‘for better, for worse, forsaking all others...’ as sometimes it can be a very tall order. Failing to stand up to the test is still a failing no matter how many excuses one might invent.

“Its just sex and not love at the end of the day”

Well if its ‘just sex’ how can it be worth the potential destruction it will cause the partner, the ‘loved one’ when they eventually find out?

“and most of those people do not want to end their relationships, they just want to live their sex lifes to the full.”

Sometimes expressed with the phrase ‘having your cake and eating it’ It’s often voiced, simplistically perhaps as ‘I totally love my partner it’s just a lack of sex’ implying that EVERYTHING else in the relationship is fulfilled but still the betrayer will risk all this and risk the emotional destruction of ‘the loved one’ – ‘just for sex’! Can you really not see the irony in your statement?

If you ask your questions of people who are cheating or don’t care they will pat you on the back and say ‘carry on mate its none of my business’.

If you ask your questions of people who unconditionally respect their own partners and the feelings of others then chances are they will tell you what they think and it’s never going to be what you want to hear.

If you choose to conduct your life in the way that you do and advertise the fact in a public place then I think its odds on that there will be some shit coming your way from time to time.

But don’t take my word for it, just ask your wife

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have joined a number of sites over the years, and left many of them as I didn't feel 'part of the community'. It's not all about sex (sometimes flirting is just as rewarding). I have many people I call now friends who I have never shagged - and would never as it would spoil our friendship. There are some I'd love to be a 'regular' with."

.... "it's not all about sex (sometimes flirting is just as rewarding)"

Have a real look at what you have just said, you love your wife and don't have sex, yet you enjoy flirting and not having sex with others.

Why can't you be content enough flirting with your wife without sex in that case?

You won't shag 'friends' you have made on these sites because you don't want to lose their friendship,

..... but you'd risk losing a lot more from your wife for a maybe/maybe not shag?

I'm sorry if I seem confused but you appear to be giving more thought to those others off sites than you do your wife ..... purely going on your own words I hasten to add.

All leads me to read that you are being economic with the truth, and placing your own and their needs before your wife's.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"i'm sure some of the "single" guys we've met have had partners that they didn't tell us about..but tbh it's not our buisness, it's their responsability to be truthful with their spouses not ours!! (her)

see.. i have a tiny problem with the "not our business, not our problem" mentality.. because it is an easy one to have when that "other half" so to speak is an anonymous figure.....

but when it is a person that you hear down the end of a phone screaming at you.... or, heaven forbid, a live person living and breathing in front of you, its not quiet so easy to say "not our business, not our problem" and wash your hands of it all then....

the point i would make is that there is sometimes an innocent "living and breathing" party out there... so while some justify why they are hear and look for sympathy, i know where my true sympathy lies.......

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"Dear Take A Break magazine

I have been married for 17 years and in the last 5 years my wife has just gone off sex with me - we used to have wonderful sex but now she only wants to cuddle - yet she still turns me on enormously.

I decided I didn't want to finish our relationship, so I decided to join a swingers website where I can meet the occasional lady who is in a similar position.

I wish I didn't have to go down this route, as it means I have to be very discreet in what I do.

Would you be interested in buying my story for your magazine?

Yours sincerely

Mr Unfulfilled

just a question and i am fascinated to know the answer because no married person here i think has ever answered it?

why a "swinging" site and not for example a "married and looking to play elsewhere" site?

its a genuine question and not a dig...."

Because they believe swingers are amoral ppl who will do anything for a fuck...

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

""I have joined a number of sites over the years, and left many of them as I didn't feel 'part of the community'. It's not all about sex (sometimes flirting is just as rewarding). I have many people I call now friends who I have never shagged - and would never as it would spoil our friendship. There are some I'd love to be a 'regular' with."

.... "it's not all about sex (sometimes flirting is just as rewarding)"

Have a real look at what you have just said, you love your wife and don't have sex, yet you enjoy flirting and not having sex with others.

Why can't you be content enough flirting with your wife without sex in that case?

You won't shag 'friends' you have made on these sites because you don't want to lose their friendship,

..... but you'd risk losing a lot more from your wife for a maybe/maybe not shag?

I'm sorry if I seem confused but you appear to be giving more thought to those others off sites than you do your wife ..... purely going on your own words I hasten to add.

All leads me to read that you are being economic with the truth, and placing your own and their needs before your wife's. "

Many years of experience have taught me that you have hit the nail on the head here...the reason married ppl who are playing away keep starting these threads is because they would rather invest energy on strangers on the internet than their own spouses...

i am going to get pilloried again for this, but home truths need to be said from time to time.

1, If you are not getting sex at home, spend the time you waste on here trying to sort out your marriage,

2, Cheats on here are not swingers, they are contrary to any workable definition of swinging.

3,They make life far harder for all the rest of us by perpetuating the idea that swingers are amoral

4.MUFF life is about choices, we all have to make them. I dont care what others use the site for, but i am sick to the back ppl of ppl whining and asking for symoathy about their choices..

There are ppl in this world who will have to decide which of their children eats tomorrow, the fact you cant face talking to your partner about sex and the problems in your marriage is not a problem ,simply moral cowardice.

It takes 2 people to have sex and 2 people to fail to have sex....

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By *enuineTykeMan over a year ago

Cleckheaton

Very interesting question and you hit the nail on the head, I have been on such a site for a while and they do indeed get feelings for you, and to be honest on one occasion it was reciprocated. So as a married man I don’t want complications.

I have an open relationship and no secrets from my wife just like many other couples, the difference been my wife does not swing. She tried it, but it is just not her thing.

Now the proof of the pudding is my wife is happy to confirm her knowledge of my swinging tendencies, hence my home telephone number been available on request to interested parties only. I am just here like others for the pure fun and pleasure in both giving and receiving, not forgetting friends made along the way.

I have also never lied when asked if I am married, that is up to the other parties to make their minds up.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"Very interesting question and you hit the nail on the head, I have been on such a site for a while and they do indeed get feelings for you, and to be honest on one occasion it was reciprocated. So as a married man I don’t want complications.

I have an open relationship and no secrets from my wife just like many other couples, the difference been my wife does not swing. She tried it, but it is just not her thing.

I have also never lied when asked if I am married, that is up to the other parties to make their minds up.

Which makes you no different to me, except kev swings. Honesty matters

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By *histler21Man over a year ago

Ipswich

.... "it's not all about sex (sometimes flirting is just as rewarding)"

Have a real look at what you have just said, you love your wife and don't have sex, yet you enjoy flirting and not having sex with others.

Why can't you be content enough flirting with your wife without sex in that case?

You won't shag 'friends' you have made on these sites because you don't want to lose their friendship,

..... but you'd risk losing a lot more from your wife for a maybe/maybe not shag?

I'm sorry if I seem confused but you appear to be giving more thought to those others off sites than you do your wife ..... purely going on your own words I hasten to add.

All leads me to read that you are being economic with the truth, and placing your own and their needs before your wife's. "

I am aware that some people do not approve of what I am doing. I do not need your approval.

I have tried many times to discuss this - I know when not to push this and when enough-is-enough.

I envy those who have a 'normal' sexual relationship with their partners, just as I envy those who have some sort of shared/open relationship. That option is not open to me. The thought of 25 or so years without any further sexual contact does not fill me with joy.

We all are economical with the truth sometimes. It doesn't necessarily mean we are bad people.