FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Interested in 'Fun'
Interested in 'Fun'
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By *BCambs OP Couple
over a year ago
Biggleswade |
Seriously guys this is the most annoying thing to say in a message.
Does anyone else find it off putting when you get a message and despite your best efforts the gentleman won't expand on what they mean by fun.
Not everyone enjoys the same things and it's so frustrating when you won't define what you actually want. If we are not into it then there will be plenty of people who are! This is the least judgemental place you can be.
Starting to really hate the phrase and it's now become an almost instant No thanks.
If you can't tell us, open and honestly about what turns you on then what's the point? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love swings & slides. 
See that's more like it. We too love swings and slides. Now we have something to talk about! "
Wet slide or dry slide?
Water world 'space bowl'
or
markeaton park 'stainless steel bum burner slide' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was chatting to a guy on a non sexual dating site, I said I liked having fun (meaning non sexual) he immediately changed the conversation to sex. That was annoying. Hev
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately we use the word “fun” quite a bit in our profile.
In a way, we like it a little bit ambiguous. We don’t like people saying they want to do this or that as it seems a bit like a tick sheet. We prefer those who just go with the flow.
To us there’s nothing worse than someone asking “Will your wife do (xyz)?”. Firstly, ask her and secondly, now you have an expectation, probably not!
Fig |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not always direct on the 1st message thought it might be off puttimg, maybe thsts where im going wrong on here, do women prefer if us men are more specific when messaging them?"
I'm not really a fan of sexually explicit first messages personally, that's obviously just me though.
"Fun" is just such an insipid word, like saying something is nice. I'd rather someone just say sex! I'm guessing the ones who say that aren't looking for anything in particular or are perhaps concerned about putting you off so keep it vague? |
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"Seriously guys this is the most annoying thing to say in a message.
Does anyone else find it off putting when you get a message and despite your best efforts the gentleman won't expand on what they mean by fun.
Not everyone enjoys the same things and it's so frustrating when you won't define what you actually want. If we are not into it then there will be plenty of people who are! This is the least judgemental place you can be.
Starting to really hate the phrase and it's now become an almost instant No thanks.
If you can't tell us, open and honestly about what turns you on then what's the point?"
I'd say that this is one of the most judgemental places you can be and possibly what puts a lot of people off saying exactly what they're after as counter productive as it may be. There seems to be a tacitly accepted standard of sexual activity and if you don't adhere to it people feel its OK to pass negative comments. |
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By *BCambs OP Couple
over a year ago
Biggleswade |
To be clear, we weren't talking about the first message. We understand the desire to keep it light in the opening message.
We were mainly talking about the kind of cat and mouse that follows as we try and pin down what is of interest. You have to find out if you click and just saying I like 'fun' and 'all sorts' doesn't help.
I get they don't want to offend but it is also maybe the lack of confidence that puts us off.
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"To be clear, we weren't talking about the first message. We understand the desire to keep it light in the opening message.
We were mainly talking about the kind of cat and mouse that follows as we try and pin down what is of interest. You have to find out if you click and just saying I like 'fun' and 'all sorts' doesn't help.
I get they don't want to offend but it is also maybe the lack of confidence that puts us off.
"
It's also not wanting to scupper their chances? Basically they will say they like what you like. We get that a lot. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Get where you're coming from OP and as you say it becomes a filter of sorts - if the conversation doesn't flow naturally and easily, and that includes if it veers into sexual territory, then it tends to become stilted and fizzle out anyway.
I don't expect to have to provide a tick list of interests, but also finding common interests as part of a naturally flowing conversation is a major part of deciding if I want to meet someone  |
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"Get where you're coming from OP and as you say it becomes a filter of sorts - if the conversation doesn't flow naturally and easily, and that includes if it veers into sexual territory, then it tends to become stilted and fizzle out anyway.
I don't expect to have to provide a tick list of interests, but also finding common interests as part of a naturally flowing conversation is a major part of deciding if I want to meet someone "
This. I want a degree of compatibility, not just someone telling me what they think I want to hear to get into my knickers. (because however that ends it'll be bad)
I'm not judgemental about most kinks (some will be an instant block, but they're in the minority and aren't just things that don't interest me). And I play in many different ways. I just want to know if any of the ways I do things might be compatible with you!
I also think you can be specific without being creepy. "I see you're interested in spanking, I find it erotic because (reasons)" works for me. I think some people think if you mention an interest, it has to be "I'm outside your window in a grubby trenchcoat chafing my cock, thinking about making dat ass wobble oh baby oh baby uhh I just came in your bushes". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him. |
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"Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him."
... And/or be utterly intimidated by a woman who knows her own sexuality. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him."
Agree with you for the most part - although there's also a fine line to be found between talking about sexual interests generally and filing them away for potential use during a meet, and effectively scripting what will happen.
One of my earliest experiences in *this* life was with a couple met in a club who it was agreed we'd meet again at a later date - swapped email addresses so we could make arrangements (they weren't on Fab) - their mails over the intervening period proceeded to effectively script the next meet, right down to who would wear what, which room in the club would be used and almost a Fig A into Fig B description of the sex - was completely cold and clinical and the meet didn't happen in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him.
Agree with you for the most part - although there's also a fine line to be found between talking about sexual interests generally and filing them away for potential use during a meet, and effectively scripting what will happen.
One of my earliest experiences in *this* life was with a couple met in a club who it was agreed we'd meet again at a later date - swapped email addresses so we could make arrangements (they weren't on Fab) - their mails over the intervening period proceeded to effectively script the next meet, right down to who would wear what, which room in the club would be used and almost a Fig A into Fig B description of the sex - was completely cold and clinical and the meet didn't happen in the end. "
Fair point and I know I’ve crossed that line in the wrong way several times, but for me exchanging fantasies about what ‘will’ happen on a long anticipated meet can be part of the excitement and my memory is so bad that there’s no way I’d remember it as a script, more a mood board of the kind of activities we’d both like.
But it’s definitely a more detailed convo than ‘I like fun and like to go with the flow’.. |
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"Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him.
Agree with you for the most part - although there's also a fine line to be found between talking about sexual interests generally and filing them away for potential use during a meet, and effectively scripting what will happen.
One of my earliest experiences in *this* life was with a couple met in a club who it was agreed we'd meet again at a later date - swapped email addresses so we could make arrangements (they weren't on Fab) - their mails over the intervening period proceeded to effectively script the next meet, right down to who would wear what, which room in the club would be used and almost a Fig A into Fig B description of the sex - was completely cold and clinical and the meet didn't happen in the end. "
We had a similar experience on another site. The guy from a couple sent what can only be described as a script. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him."
I’m not sure if this was in response to us or not.
Go with the flow for us is great. To us it means they don’t have any expectations like we’re performing seals. Also what we do with one person might well be different to what we do with others. It’s very situational.
We certainly don’t have problems communication or confidence! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him.
Agree with you for the most part - although there's also a fine line to be found between talking about sexual interests generally and filing them away for potential use during a meet, and effectively scripting what will happen.
One of my earliest experiences in *this* life was with a couple met in a club who it was agreed we'd meet again at a later date - swapped email addresses so we could make arrangements (they weren't on Fab) - their mails over the intervening period proceeded to effectively script the next meet, right down to who would wear what, which room in the club would be used and almost a Fig A into Fig B description of the sex - was completely cold and clinical and the meet didn't happen in the end.
Fair point and I know I’ve crossed that line in the wrong way several times, but for me exchanging fantasies about what ‘will’ happen on a long anticipated meet can be part of the excitement and my memory is so bad that there’s no way I’d remember it as a script, more a mood board of the kind of activities we’d both like.
But it’s definitely a more detailed convo than ‘I like fun and like to go with the flow’.."
Like I said it's a fine line, but I like the 'mood board' analogy something that is there to be picked from if the mood takes you, or it feels right - of course it's important to have discussed preferences and likes up front not least to understand boundaries, and in the same way as a completely scripted meet would be a turn off, so would one where the other person could only describe what they were looking for as "fun" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't and won't dictate what may or may not occur during a meet and feel a complete prat trying to explain what I would or wouldn't enjoy.
I also think that being too explicit or going all "Insert Part A into Orifice B" limits you. I like to go with the flow and see how things progress, rather than set out a timetable of fucking.
I'm also mindful if I was to start getting all graphic, how would someone know I'm not just filling my wank bank?
Fun works. I'll keep using it.
My use of going with the flow is to indicate my inherent desire to give pleasure, rather than specifying what I need to get my rocks off. A long term playmate will find out in due course what makes me tick without me having to spell it out in advance.
I also have several kinks that would shock a few on here. I don't air them in case people think it is what I want all the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him.
I’m not sure if this was in response to us or not.
Go with the flow for us is great. To us it means they don’t have any expectations like we’re performing seals. Also what we do with one person might well be different to what we do with others. It’s very situational.
We certainly don’t have problems communication or confidence!"
Absolutely not personal to you, just my reflections on those terms. We all look for different signals, use Fab in different ways and meet different types of people. I suspect your comms are detailed and concrete enough to convey your confidence and make it clear you wouldn’t just be wobbling around looking slightly clueless when faced with a naked horny woman! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him.
I’m not sure if this was in response to us or not.
Go with the flow for us is great. To us it means they don’t have any expectations like we’re performing seals. Also what we do with one person might well be different to what we do with others. It’s very situational.
We certainly don’t have problems communication or confidence!
Absolutely not personal to you, just my reflections on those terms. We all look for different signals, use Fab in different ways and meet different types of people. I suspect your comms are detailed and concrete enough to convey your confidence and make it clear you wouldn’t just be wobbling around looking slightly clueless when faced with a naked horny woman!"
I just wondered as you’d picked on the two phrases I’d used. Absolutely, we’re all different and indeed being a couple our dynamic with others if different.
A naked horny woman? Of course I’d be wobbly and clueless. I’ve spent my whole life being wobbly and clueless in every situation  |
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It does seem a bit redundant. I've never seen a profile that says "Fun isn't my thing. I don't want fun."
Do people who write that they want fun think that some people join Fab to get a law degree? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Continued use of the euphemism ‘fun’ especially when combined with ‘go with the flow’ just comes across as someone lacking the confidence to say what they want and communicate well. It’s pretty much a conversation stopper for me. I’d much prefer ‘I haven’t met much and there’s lots I want to try but I have always wanted to try xxx and from your profile it looks like you might be into xxx.’ Something concrete to start a discussion.
‘Fun’ guy sounds like, if he turned up, he’d get naked and lie there waiting for you to do stuff to him.
I’m not sure if this was in response to us or not.
Go with the flow for us is great. To us it means they don’t have any expectations like we’re performing seals. Also what we do with one person might well be different to what we do with others. It’s very situational.
We certainly don’t have problems communication or confidence!
Absolutely not personal to you, just my reflections on those terms. We all look for different signals, use Fab in different ways and meet different types of people. I suspect your comms are detailed and concrete enough to convey your confidence and make it clear you wouldn’t just be wobbling around looking slightly clueless when faced with a naked horny woman!
I just wondered as you’d picked on the two phrases I’d used. Absolutely, we’re all different and indeed being a couple our dynamic with others if different.
A naked horny woman? Of course I’d be wobbly and clueless. I’ve spent my whole life being wobbly and clueless in every situation "
I do have views on couples who say they ‘go with the flow’ but worried you’ll think it’s a campaign.. |
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Fun if a boring word in this lifestyle. But having a convo about lustful desires (dirty talk) turns me on. It doesn’t mean it’s actually going to happen it’s part of the build up to the meet.
“I can’t wait to smooth you down and nibble your nipples, while my hand travels slowly and cautiously into your pants...”
It may be a little vanilla but you need a little finesse not a list, as long as both parties are aware this probably could happen but only if the mood takes us there.
By the time you meet it could just be a very horny, fuck fest.
Mrs Honey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fun if a boring word in this lifestyle. But having a convo about lustful desires (dirty talk) turns me on. It doesn’t mean it’s actually going to happen it’s part of the build up to the meet.
“I can’t wait to smooth you down and nibble your nipples, while my hand travels slowly and cautiously into your pants...”
It may be a little vanilla but you need a little finesse not a list, as long as both parties are aware this probably could happen but only if the mood takes us there.
By the time you meet it could just be a very horny, fuck fest.
Mrs Honey"
And the bits that get forgotten are a good excuse for another meet..
I have recently had a very hot convo about a mff meet though where the guy was full of all sorts of great ideas. I almost want to take notes to ensure that they do happen and don’t get lost in the heat of the moment. |
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