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Cuck play question
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do you respect someone’s kink, and treat them respectfully, if part of their kink is being humiliated and laughed at? If I refuse to do that bit of it, will it be a less sexually fulfilling experience for them? I have no experience of cuck play and this aspect of it I’m really struggling with. However grumpy I appear on the forums, respect to others is integral to the way I deal with people. Genuine question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From my opinion/experience I would say very likely yes, they will not get as good an experience. For me it's about having to do something I either wouldn't or might not do, having the choice taken away.
On the other hand if it feels unnatural or forced that isn't good. The lady/couple really needs to be into it as well. |
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By *anes HubbyCouple
over a year ago
Babbacombe Torquay |
I know I've said it before about cuckolding but....without the dynamic of the couple being a 'real' couple, in that I mean a long term couple who know each other as deeply as they know themselves, and have that bond, then neither of you will experience the intensity that cuckolding can bring to both parties.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I guess the first step would be to talk to them at length about their kink, whether they like to play it out all the time, or perhaps if there is a time when it kicks in e.g. you agree that once the hotel room door closes the humiliation aspect starts - either way you can only get a sense of this from discussing on an individual basis with the person concerned.
Ultimately though if a particular kink goes against your own personal comfort zone of how to test people then surely the thing to do is express that, and either walk away from the situation or talk it through to see if a compromise position can be found?
P.S. For what it's worth I've never thought of you as grumpy, and always enjoy the threads you post as they are invariably thought provoking and interesting |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I guess the first step would be to talk to them at length about their kink, whether they like to play it out all the time, or perhaps if there is a time when it kicks in e.g. you agree that once the hotel room door closes the humiliation aspect starts - either way you can only get a sense of this from discussing on an individual basis with the person concerned.
Ultimately though if a particular kink goes against your own personal comfort zone of how to treat people then surely the thing to do is express that, and either walk away from the situation or talk it through to see if a compromise position can be found?
P.S. For what it's worth I've never thought of you as grumpy, and always enjoy the threads you post as they are invariably thought provoking and interesting"
FTFM "treat" not "test" people  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the honest responses. I am of course talking to the person concerned, I just wanted to get the view of others with experience of this kink. As for the comment about relationships, while you might have a point, it seems a little harsh to condemn someone to not indulge their kink until they’ve found a partner and been in a relationship with them for 10 years. I know several people who have this kink and have come out of relationships and tbh I think they struggle. This might be an explanation for why I had several such approaches after my profile rewrite I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us the cuckolding aspect takes time to develop. It is not something to rush into. It starts with first meeting for a 3sum then as the meets progress so he gradually gets the upper hand as ones partner submits to his desires and gives herself to him. |
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It really depends on how you are with the chap, so for me how my ex and I got into was pillow talk. That I think is your starting point and openly discuss what you both like. So this evolved into me licking while she talked about what it would be like if there was another bloke in bed kissing her while I did that. Then her suggesting I could fluff him. Then when we were both horny she would say things like ‘make the most of it as you might not get to do this when I meet someone’. This would usually result in my ‘having an accident’ then I would go down on her again and she would then say things like ‘best get used to the taste etc’ so the erotic nature of these talks were very intimate, and she could read just how turned on I and as a result she was at the prospect which is where we built the foundation for more intense emotional play. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It really depends on how you are with the chap, so for me how my ex and I got into was pillow talk. That I think is your starting point and openly discuss what you both like. So this evolved into me licking while she talked about what it would be like if there was another bloke in bed kissing her while I did that. Then her suggesting I could fluff him. Then when we were both horny she would say things like ‘make the most of it as you might not get to do this when I meet someone’. This would usually result in my ‘having an accident’ then I would go down on her again and she would then say things like ‘best get used to the taste etc’ so the erotic nature of these talks were very intimate, and she could read just how turned on I and as a result she was at the prospect which is where we built the foundation for more intense emotional play. "
That’s a very erotic post. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For us the cuckolding aspect takes time to develop. It is not something to rush into. It starts with first meeting for a 3sum then as the meets progress so he gradually gets the upper hand as ones partner submits to his desires and gives herself to him."
I like the idea of taking things slowly so that the vibe develops in a way that suits you both. |
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"I know I've said it before about cuckolding but....without the dynamic of the couple being a 'real' couple, in that I mean a long term couple who know each other as deeply as they know themselves, and have that bond, then neither of you will experience the intensity that cuckolding can bring to both parties.
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Exactly this. anything else is just sub/dom play. |
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"It really depends on how you are with the chap, so for me how my ex and I got into was pillow talk. That I think is your starting point and openly discuss what you both like. So this evolved into me licking while she talked about what it would be like if there was another bloke in bed kissing her while I did that. Then her suggesting I could fluff him. Then when we were both horny she would say things like ‘make the most of it as you might not get to do this when I meet someone’. This would usually result in my ‘having an accident’ then I would go down on her again and she would then say things like ‘best get used to the taste etc’ so the erotic nature of these talks were very intimate, and she could read just how turned on I and as a result she was at the prospect which is where we built the foundation for more intense emotional play. "
This! Slowly slipping into a chat about it & gauging reaction as it progresses.
Do think it has to be natural for all parties concerned. Some "playing" at cuckolding is unlikely to experience it the same way as someone fully immersed in that way of thinking/lifestyle. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not liking the rather dismissive vibe coming into this thread, no doubt from people who would want their kinks respected.
‘Just’ sub/Dom play?
And my question stands ‘How does someone who enjoys cuckolding enjoy that kink if they’re not in a relationship?’ Are they just expected by you purists to sublimate for many years until they’re in a long term relationship for a ‘long enough’ time? With someone who they hope might be accepting of this kink? |
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"Not liking the rather dismissive vibe coming into this thread, no doubt from people who would want their kinks respected.
‘Just’ sub/Dom play?
And my question stands ‘How does someone who enjoys cuckolding enjoy that kink if they’re not in a relationship?’ Are they just expected by you purists to sublimate for many years until they’re in a long term relationship for a ‘long enough’ time? With someone who they hope might be accepting of this kink?"
Well, yes. Exactly that. If you don't love each other, it's not cuckolding. It's just a stranger having sex with another stranger, while some other guy watches and is belittled. Where's the emotion? Cuckolding doesn't just happen in bed for a couple of hours. It's 24/7. Unless you've been there you won't get it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not liking the rather dismissive vibe coming into this thread, no doubt from people who would want their kinks respected.
‘Just’ sub/Dom play?
And my question stands ‘How does someone who enjoys cuckolding enjoy that kink if they’re not in a relationship?’ Are they just expected by you purists to sublimate for many years until they’re in a long term relationship for a ‘long enough’ time? With someone who they hope might be accepting of this kink?
Well, yes. Exactly that. If you don't love each other, it's not cuckolding. It's just a stranger having sex with another stranger, while some other guy watches and is belittled. Where's the emotion? Cuckolding doesn't just happen in bed for a couple of hours. It's 24/7. Unless you've been there you won't get it."
Fantastic judgemental attitude. You’re experienced enough to know that sex isn’t EITHER meaningless disposable sex with someone you meet for two hours and never again OR kinked sex with a partner you’ve been with for a decade. The whole point of swinging is to explore the nuances between. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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‘Unless you've been there you won't get it.’
I certainly don’t get all of it, but I get some of it, which is why I’ve refused to play like this before. It seems to me there has to be a connection of some substance, but the whole ‘you have to be a life partner of several decades standing’ is just exclusivist bs.
Maybe you should publish your guidelines on the minimal level of emotional involvement and length of emotional attachment so that people who care about your ‘expert’ views can see if they are considered eligible to practice their own kink. Somehow I think my friend knows his wants better than you. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I guess like BDSM and D/s there is no "right" way to it OP only the way you agree with another - if you're both getting what you desire out of it then that is all that matters.
There will always be "purists" who will defend their way as being the only way and any other way not being "true" and they are of course entitled to that opinion but I wouldn't let it detract from "your" way either  |
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By *anes HubbyCouple
over a year ago
Babbacombe Torquay |
"I know I've said it before about cuckolding but....without the dynamic of the couple being a 'real' couple, in that I mean a long term couple who know each other as deeply as they know themselves, and have that bond, then neither of you will experience the intensity that cuckolding can bring to both parties.
Exactly this. anything else is just sub/dom play. "
Totally agree....
Cuckoldry is above all else a mindset, the actual sex act being only a small, but essential part of the entire experience.
It's often confused with sub/Dom or hotwifing but in our experience goes far deeper mentally. |
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"I guess like BDSM and D/s there is no "right" way to it OP only the way you agree with another - if you're both getting what you desire out of it then that is all that matters.
There will always be "purists" who will defend their way as being the only way and any other way not being "true" and they are of course entitled to that opinion but I wouldn't let it detract from "your" way either "
This sounds like saying to a kid on a bicycle with a piece of card in the spokes "yes that's right dear, you're really riding a motorbike! The purists might tell you it's just a bicycle, but you believe what you want." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It always saddens me how willing people, who one would have thought would be adventurous and experimental, are to draw lines around ‘their’ bit of fab and declare it exclusive and unavailable to others: ‘real’ swingers, ‘true’ Dom’s, ‘proper’ BDSM and now apparently ‘real’ cuckolding.
I’ll stay with my open-minded, pick and mix approach to playing with the non-judgemental, open-minded adventurers thanks. |
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Well i cant hang around this thread all night, I'm going out to drive my Lamborghini!!! I know 'purists' might say that it's 'only' a 'Ford Focus'. But more open minded drivers aren't restrained by 'labels'...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It always saddens me how willing people, who one would have thought would be adventurous and experimental, are to draw lines around ‘their’ bit of fab and declare it exclusive and unavailable to others: ‘real’ swingers, ‘true’ Dom’s, ‘proper’ BDSM and now apparently ‘real’ cuckolding.
I’ll stay with my open-minded, pick and mix approach to playing with the non-judgemental, open-minded adventurers thanks."
Well Said
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I guess like BDSM and D/s there is no "right" way to it OP only the way you agree with another - if you're both getting what you desire out of it then that is all that matters.
There will always be "purists" who will defend their way as being the only way and any other way not being "true" and they are of course entitled to that opinion but I wouldn't let it detract from "your" way either
This sounds like saying to a kid on a bicycle with a piece of card in the spokes "yes that's right dear, you're really riding a motorbike! The purists might tell you it's just a bicycle, but you believe what you want." "
Doesn't sound like that at all - one is an objective tangible and clearly defined thing, the other is completely subjective and open to individual interpretation - simple as |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My god you come over so defensive!  Do what ever the fuck you like. But it sure as shit ain't cuckolding!! "
So pleased we have your permission, there we were, naked, cock cage in hand quivering as to whether we’d get your go ahead or not.
Hope you enjoy your drive in your car. Was it a Mondeo or a Lamborghini? I wasn’t paying attention, brands aren’t important to me as long as you enjoy the drive.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My god you come over so defensive! Do what ever the fuck you like. But it sure as shit ain't cuckolding!!
So pleased we have your permission, there we were, naked, cock cage in hand quivering as to whether we’d get your go ahead or not.
Hope you enjoy your drive in your car. Was it a Mondeo or a Lamborghini? I wasn’t paying attention, brands aren’t important to me as long as you enjoy the drive.."
Well done |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Someone I’ve met a few times over 4 years text me the other day and asked when I’m going to ‘cuckold’ him. I tried to explain that it’s not just an act and something you can just do with someone. I agree with the others above, it’s more dom/sub play but even that is hard to do properly between people that are involved casually. |
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First of all, you have to be a genuine respectful person and know what the couple limit are and yours. Remember that is their wishes you have to be able to read signs and switch your mind to play time mode on and off mode, helps if you are a sadist. They too have to understand what they are getting into.
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"First of all, you have to be a genuine respectful person and know what the couple limit are and yours. Remember that is their wishes you have to be able to read signs and switch your mind to play time mode on and off mode, helps if you are a sadist. They too have to understand what they are getting into.
"
That's very true. but in this case there isn't a couple. |
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