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People with disabilities
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So I’m in the worst category. Single male. Alarms go off to most people who have been going to clubs etc for a while, when they hear those two words. It also attracts higher admission prices because we are seen as pests.
Add to that I have a disability.
I won’t say what it is, save for the fact I can see, hear and have both legs and both arms. So I can perform very well thank you.
So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise?
Can someone prove me wrong? Cliques seem to form all over the place. I do read the forums. Which is quite damaging when it comes to confidence for people in my position who expect to be ignored even without taking the disability into consideration.
Shall I just forget wanting to have fun because I’m male and have had surgery twice in the past, and am now having to deal with the effects of it?
It would be nice to hear from someone who would give me a chance. I can’t be the only one effectively hiding because they are expecting their confidence to be smashed in to the floor.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t think that anyone would consider you to be a pest OP. I had my first club visit as a single male only two weeks ago. I was made to feel very welcome and had a great time.
I think that you should take the plunge (excuse the pun) and have a visit to one, before making such assumptions. The prices may be high, though, this is to try and attract more couples and single women: it wouldn’t be considered ‘swinging’ if everyone was unattached.
I hope that you enjoy yourself if you do choose to attend.
P.s. The forums can be rather intimidating. Don’t allow it to make too much of an impression on you of the community. |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise?"
There's your answer. It is you that feels this. Not anyone else. You've created an expectation of rejection, and use it as an excuse to not even try. That sounds harsh, but I think it's true. I did the same.
Yes, single men get a bad reputation, and too many of them deserve it. But in a club situation particularly, people aren't dealing with "single men" in the abstract. They've got an individual in front of them, and all that matters is how that individual presents themselves.
Be friendly, and be respectful, and that will position you far above that awful stereotypical single man that everyone hates.
But above all, be there. You will never have any opportunities if you don't get out and create them.
I'm a single man, and I've got some issues of my own. I don't know how they compare to yours, but that doesn't really matter. I've been going to a club for a while now, and it's a great experience. I've had some very good times, met some wonderful people, and even made a few friends. I've had to work hard to overcome my self-doubt, and it has been worth the effort.
Don't worry about the health issues. I won't name names or go into details, but it's not the problem you seem to believe it to be. And don't worry about being a single man. Just be one of the good ones. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise?
There's your answer. It is you that feels this. Not anyone else. You've created an expectation of rejection, and use it as an excuse to not even try. That sounds harsh, but I think it's true. I did the same.
Yes, single men get a bad reputation, and too many of them deserve it. But in a club situation particularly, people aren't dealing with "single men" in the abstract. They've got an individual in front of them, and all that matters is how that individual presents themselves.
Be friendly, and be respectful, and that will position you far above that awful stereotypical single man that everyone hates.
But above all, be there. You will never have any opportunities if you don't get out and create them.
I'm a single man, and I've got some issues of my own. I don't know how they compare to yours, but that doesn't really matter. I've been going to a club for a while now, and it's a great experience. I've had some very good times, met some wonderful people, and even made a few friends. I've had to work hard to overcome my self-doubt, and it has been worth the effort.
Don't worry about the health issues. I won't name names or go into details, but it's not the problem you seem to believe it to be. And don't worry about being a single man. Just be one of the good ones."
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"So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise?
There's your answer. It is you that feels this. Not anyone else. You've created an expectation of rejection, and use it as an excuse to not even try. That sounds harsh, but I think it's true. I did the same.
Yes, single men get a bad reputation, and too many of them deserve it. But in a club situation particularly, people aren't dealing with "single men" in the abstract. They've got an individual in front of them, and all that matters is how that individual presents themselves.
Be friendly, and be respectful, and that will position you far above that awful stereotypical single man that everyone hates.
But above all, be there. You will never have any opportunities if you don't get out and create them.
I'm a single man, and I've got some issues of my own. I don't know how they compare to yours, but that doesn't really matter. I've been going to a club for a while now, and it's a great experience. I've had some very good times, met some wonderful people, and even made a few friends. I've had to work hard to overcome my self-doubt, and it has been worth the effort.
Don't worry about the health issues. I won't name names or go into details, but it's not the problem you seem to believe it to be. And don't worry about being a single man. Just be one of the good ones."
Perfect answer, and very true, I've never seen a respectful well behaved single guy treated badly or as a pest in a club. |
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"So I’m in the worst category. Single male. Alarms go off to most people who have been going to clubs etc for a while, when they hear those two words. It also attracts higher admission prices because we are seen as pests.
Add to that I have a disability.
I won’t say what it is, save for the fact I can see, hear and have both legs and both arms. So I can perform very well thank you.
So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise?
Can someone prove me wrong? Cliques seem to form all over the place. I do read the forums. Which is quite damaging when it comes to confidence for people in my position who expect to be ignored even without taking the disability into consideration.
Shall I just forget wanting to have fun because I’m male and have had surgery twice in the past, and am now having to deal with the effects of it?
It would be nice to hear from someone who would give me a chance. I can’t be the only one effectively hiding because they are expecting their confidence to be smashed in to the floor.
"
I think you maybe need to change your out look as you come across as being very negative which isn't an attractive feature.
Clubs whether sex, swinging or a normal night club don't charge more because men are pests.
Good luck
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People will often want to know some very intimate details to knkw whether they want to meet, surely it's better to say what the disability is? It may just be a practical issue that people wish to know how they can make it easier for you. For example If they live on a top floor flat and stairs are an issue. It's also quite superficial on here until you meet someone, so you really need to give people as much information to save an uncomfortable meet further down the line, this would only dent your confidence further.
Good luck don't get too down on it. |
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Single guys are unwelcome to the extent that they deserve it. When I go to clubs, I almost exclusively play with single guys (I'm very open to other things). Friendly, polite, respectful guys: yes please! Those who think we owe them something because of the admission fee (nothing to do with me BTW) or can't quite manage to treat me like a human being... no, no one's going to enjoy that.
Disabilities are harder, unfortunately. Depends on specifics, but I've had a fairly visible one during my time on the scene and even at the other side of swinging, I'm afraid I've seen some truly appalling attitudes. Must be much worse without the single fem capital I have. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I use to think negative about myself over two years ago. Not because I'm a single male but because I have Asperger's Syndrome.
As soon as I went to my first club two years ago, that all changed. I was very welcomed, well looked after and met many great people. The friends I made helped me overcome my social anxieties and I became more happier and more confident than before.
My advice for you is never think negative about yourself. Being a single male with a disability shouldn't stop you from meeting new people and making new friends.
When it comes to the clubs, my advice would be to go with no expectations to avoid disappointment, always be friendly and do your best to enjoy your visit at the club. |
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I'm also disabled. I don't know how it compares to yours because you haven't really said much. But I'm deaf and I have a chronic pain condition and some cognitive issues like memory loss.
I've never been made to feel less than here. In fact many have been really open and non judgemental.
Your own attitude plays a massive part in how you are perceived and I do have to agree with a previous post saying you have set up these expectations and are using them to justify yourself into not trying.
I also go to club nights and parties and I'm really forthcoming about the issues I have and have had people really go out of their way to communicate with me.
There's some wonderful people on this site but you won't see that if you're constantly looking for the negatives. |
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Clubs are your best bet. Then people will interact with the person they see in front of them rather than any stereotypes.
If they choose not to, it may be because of something other than what you think it is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I to am disabled I have osteoarthritis in my foot lower back and neck problems I am in pain most days and I adjust meds accordingly, been diagnosed with diverticulitis last year not met anyone from here yet, I became a naturist three and a bit years wish I had done this sooner like most people who have disabilities I have good and bad times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise?
There's your answer. It is you that feels this. Not anyone else. You've created an expectation of rejection, and use it as an excuse to not even try. That sounds harsh, but I think it's true. I did the same.
Yes, single men get a bad reputation, and too many of them deserve it. But in a club situation particularly, people aren't dealing with "single men" in the abstract. They've got an individual in front of them, and all that matters is how that individual presents themselves.
Be friendly, and be respectful, and that will position you far above that awful stereotypical single man that everyone hates.
But above all, be there. You will never have any opportunities if you don't get out and create them.
I'm a single man, and I've got some issues of my own. I don't know how they compare to yours, but that doesn't really matter. I've been going to a club for a while now, and it's a great experience. I've had some very good times, met some wonderful people, and even made a few friends. I've had to work hard to overcome my self-doubt, and it has been worth the effort.
Don't worry about the health issues. I won't name names or go into details, but it's not the problem you seem to believe it to be. And don't worry about being a single man. Just be one of the good ones."
Wise words ... |
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By *eeowlsMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
Maybe try going to a local group social meet there’s usually loads going on in and around Yorkshire area which is local to me
They are relaxing and it’s full of people who are there to chat mi for and get to know others with maybe a chance to go back to hotel or arrange meets at another time
Good luck any way pal |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Disabilities are harder, unfortunately. Depends on specifics, but I've had a fairly visible one during my time on the scene and even at the other side of swinging, I'm afraid I've seen some truly appalling attitudes. Must be much worse without the single fem capital I have. "
I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't have anything visible (my problems are all in my head), so I haven't been on the receiving end, and it's easy for me to forget that it's not all happy. Anyone with any visible difference will be all too familiar with the worst that people can be.
I had meant to say something about this part, but it somehow fell out in the editing. Some people will have a problem with you, whoever you are. It's really hard to do in practice, but the best thing is to ignore them and focus on the ones who don't have a problem.
If they've ruined your night, go home, do something that makes you happy, and start fresh when you go back the next time. Don't let some dick's bad attitude eat away at you. Remind yourself that their problem with you is their problem, not yours. There are other people who do like you. Think about them instead. That's helped me.
And on the subject of disclosing invisible disabilities: only do that here if you're comfortable with it. If you're going to meet someone and think it's important that they know, then you can tell them before concrete plans are made and hotels are booked. But there's no need to make it public. |
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"Disabilities are harder, unfortunately. Depends on specifics, but I've had a fairly visible one during my time on the scene and even at the other side of swinging, I'm afraid I've seen some truly appalling attitudes. Must be much worse without the single fem capital I have.
I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't have anything visible (my problems are all in my head), so I haven't been on the receiving end, and it's easy for me to forget that it's not all happy. Anyone with any visible difference will be all too familiar with the worst that people can be.
I had meant to say something about this part, but it somehow fell out in the editing. Some people will have a problem with you, whoever you are. It's really hard to do in practice, but the best thing is to ignore them and focus on the ones who don't have a problem.
If they've ruined your night, go home, do something that makes you happy, and start fresh when you go back the next time. Don't let some dick's bad attitude eat away at you. Remind yourself that their problem with you is their problem, not yours. There are other people who do like you. Think about them instead. That's helped me.
And on the subject of disclosing invisible disabilities: only do that here if you're comfortable with it. If you're going to meet someone and think it's important that they know, then you can tell them before concrete plans are made and hotels are booked. But there's no need to make it public."
Oh, I do all that. I referred to my (mostly temporary and mostly resolved) disability as my arsehole filter. |
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My best friend who introduced me to fab is a wheelchair user.
We have been to many clubs and always gets lots of attention.
This is due to her zest for life, amazing personality and positive outlook on life as a individual and a swinger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disabilities are harder, unfortunately. Depends on specifics, but I've had a fairly visible one during my time on the scene and even at the other side of swinging, I'm afraid I've seen some truly appalling attitudes. Must be much worse without the single fem capital I have.
I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't have anything visible (my problems are all in my head), so I haven't been on the receiving end, and it's easy for me to forget that it's not all happy. Anyone with any visible difference will be all too familiar with the worst that people can be.
I had meant to say something about this part, but it somehow fell out in the editing. Some people will have a problem with you, whoever you are. It's really hard to do in practice, but the best thing is to ignore them and focus on the ones who don't have a problem.
If they've ruined your night, go home, do something that makes you happy, and start fresh when you go back the next time. Don't let some dick's bad attitude eat away at you. Remind yourself that their problem with you is their problem, not yours. There are other people who do like you. Think about them instead. That's helped me.
And on the subject of disclosing invisible disabilities: only do that here if you're comfortable with it. If you're going to meet someone and think it's important that they know, then you can tell them before concrete plans are made and hotels are booked. But there's no need to make it public."
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