FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Can it ever go back to before.
Can it ever go back to before.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So you as a couple have embarked on a journey to try swinging. You've come out of your comfort zones of only being with each other and set up that profile, added sexy photos, written your desires and sit back and see where it leads. Fast forward to the now and you've experienced the social aspect, tried some clubs, met and played with others and have encountered some right twats along the way. Then one day you're sitting there and wonder... maybe it wasn't as liberating as it was thought it would be? Not that you are lazy but it's such hard work finding those connections in the swing world and you start to feel its all so draining, Yes it can be fun, sexy, naughty even but that buzz just didn't hit like expected. If anything its possibly created a distance, a feeling of being on seperate pages, So what now?
Can a relationship EVER go back to just being the two of you wanting just each other or is it a case of once you open dear old Pandoras box you're doomed???
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.
The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.
A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course it depends on the individuals in said relationship,
I'm not sure exactly as it was ie we all keep changing as we grow older, and of course life experience plays a massive part of that,
But is it possible to have a good stable loving relationship with your partner after, yes I think so absolutely  |
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"So you as a couple have embarked on a journey to try swinging. You've come out of your comfort zones of only being with each other and set up that profile, added sexy photos, written your desires and sit back and see where it leads. Fast forward to the now and you've experienced the social aspect, tried some clubs, met and played with others and have encountered some right twats along the way. Then one day you're sitting there and wonder... maybe it wasn't as liberating as it was thought it would be? Not that you are lazy but it's such hard work finding those connections in the swing world and you start to feel its all so draining, Yes it can be fun, sexy, naughty even but that buzz just didn't hit like expected. If anything its possibly created a distance, a feeling of being on seperate pages, So what now?
Can a relationship EVER go back to just being the two of you wanting just each other or is it a case of once you open dear old Pandoras box you're doomed???
"
Communication.... we’re lucky it’s made us stronger as a couple. But so fed up with Fab now we’ve hidden our profile. Probably be back, but for now fed up with things going no where, not having replies to messages or people cancelling or not showing to to arranged meets! |
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Well Carnal, you are in Limbo young lady.
I personally think, ! That you love your partner, But you feel that he does not love you, in the same way that you want him to. When the two of you, are in the company of other consenting adults, you have to give reassurance to each other, and be specially attentive towards each other also. |
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Yes, it can go back to being similar to how it was before but never the same. Relationships change and move forwards as do the people within them and are influenced by many factors. Swinging changes the way you think about yourself and your partner if you stop swinging those changes remain.
How you deal with the changes whether they're positive or negative depends on the individuals concerned really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is why I roll my eyes when couples get arsey about singles leaving the site when they get into a relationship.
Having sex others, while your in a relationship, is something you should not rush into.
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We have most definitely opened Pandora's box and have pretty much resorted back to vanilla as we haven't swung for like two years. We are both stronger than ever and still enjoy sharing fantasies and checking people out together. So we aren't the same, definitely more sexual but vanilla as such now
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't really think it can. You can stop. But there is usually one partner that wants to continue it again that's what happened to me and my husband. Now only I play really, we do have a couples account but don't use it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.
The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.
A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?" "
I suspect it’d be the same as if one didn’t want to start ...... it’s usually an itch that has to be scratched in my opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suspect it depends on how many cracks there were in the relationship to begin with. Having your eyes opened to things isnt always bad even if it means a change is needed. |
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"I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.
The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.
A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?" "
It's not necessarily glib. We have genuinely agreed that if one of us wants to stop we both will. Whether that would cause problems remains to be seen because the situation hasn't arisen. Our relationship genuinely is bigger than swinging. |
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I think we still have more to do before we are ready to go back to a vanilla lifestyle.
Our relationship lasted over 30 years without swinging and we had sex pretty much constantly, still do.
Once we get to the point where sex isn't a big deal we will be safe knowing that we have each other to start the next chapter of our relationship which I imagine will be less physical and more spiritual.
Hopefully it's a long way off tho I still have lots more sexual encounters in me yet as does hubby and us as a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there are so many variables in this there is no real clear answer.
The one thing that always runs through my mind regarding couples swinging, is whether you allow swinging to define you individually and as a couple, (which is where swinging then controls you), or as an individual and couple you define it, which puts you in control of it.
We see both types in the scene, at clubs and on here.
State of mind, respect and attitude makes or breaks it in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Relationships change over time. It's whether you grow together or apart that makes the difference. Too many become dead because of apathy and taking each other for granted. |
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"Relationships change over time. It's whether you grow together or apart that makes the difference. Too many become dead because of apathy and taking each other for granted. "
Communication is pretty much as important as love in a successful relationship. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.
The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.
A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?"
It's not necessarily glib. We have genuinely agreed that if one of us wants to stop we both will. Whether that would cause problems remains to be seen because the situation hasn't arisen. Our relationship genuinely is bigger than swinging. "
Oh don't get me wrong I didn't necessarily mean "glib" in a derogatory way, more that that phrase is something that rolls easily off the tongue and often appears in threads like this, when I suspect in a lot of cases the reality may not match - not saying that is the case for you at all, in fact from all I know of you from your forum posts I suspect it's a case where the phrase would most definitely hold true. |
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"I think there are so many variables in this there is no real clear answer.
The one thing that always runs through my mind regarding couples swinging, is whether you allow swinging to define you individually and as a couple, (which is where swinging then controls you), or as an individual and couple you define it, which puts you in control of it.
We see both types in the scene, at clubs and on here.
State of mind, respect and attitude makes or breaks it in my opinion. "
I agree. |
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"I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.
The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.
A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?"
It's not necessarily glib. We have genuinely agreed that if one of us wants to stop we both will. Whether that would cause problems remains to be seen because the situation hasn't arisen. Our relationship genuinely is bigger than swinging.
Oh don't get me wrong I didn't necessarily mean "glib" in a derogatory way, more that that phrase is something that rolls easily off the tongue and often appears in threads like this, when I suspect in a lot of cases the reality may not match - not saying that is the case for you at all, in fact from all I know of you from your forum posts I suspect it's a case where the phrase would most definitely hold true."
I understand |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ever since the incident with the camel and the jellied eels I've struggled to hold down a normal relationship.
They all get the hump with me. No going back. |
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Neither of us would want to go back, we only had a few weeks of non-swinging at the start of our relationship and eased into the lifestyle as we both need sexual variety. It hasn't affected either our love or our sex together which is always the best.
There are so many society/religion type pressures for couples not to involve others in their sex play, but we're sure more and more couples are discovering they can still have a loving relationship and fuck other people openly and joyfully. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If your relationship ever gets past ‘just being the two of you wanting just each other’ and you treat the extras as anything other than an extra to enhance what you already have then your relationship is likely fucked anyway. |
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