FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > How do you keep safe?
How do you keep safe?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Was just talking to a European national over here working for a year. He was very keen to invite me over to his company flat. Too keen I felt tbh. I warned him that if we were to meet I would need some proof that he is who he says he is. Absolutely wouldn’t countenance giving me more than a name and his assurance that he was a nice guy.
Seemed to think it was madness that I should expect some independent confirmation of his ID in order to drive over the Pennines to meet him.
I also had someone pull a major huff when I took a pic of their car reg and texted it to a fab friend before I got in the car with them. I feel this is self-preservation 101, but clearly men think I’m mad.
Do you take safety precautions? I’m mainly asking those who meet alone here.
And yes, I do of course generally meet in public places and at clubs, but occasionally people offer lifts or I meet them at theirs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was just talking to a European national over here working for a year. He was very keen to invite me over to his company flat. Too keen I felt tbh. I warned him that if we were to meet I would need some proof that he is who he says he is. Absolutely wouldn’t countenance giving me more than a name and his assurance that he was a nice guy.
Seemed to think it was madness that I should expect some independent confirmation of his ID in order to drive over the Pennines to meet him.
I also had someone pull a major huff when I took a pic of their car reg and texted it to a fab friend before I got in the car with them. I feel this is self-preservation 101, but clearly men think I’m mad.
Do you take safety precautions? I’m mainly asking those who meet alone here.
And yes, I do of course generally meet in public places and at clubs, but occasionally people offer lifts or I meet them at theirs."
Oi
I met someone on here a few years ago from Ireland he paid for my flights and I flew over but I made sure I got his passport details details before hand. Had a great weekend x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never had any physical problems or felt unsafe with anyone I've met from fab.
I tend to go with my gut instinct and that's kept me safe so far.
One or two turned out to be unstable but that's fab for you!!
Statistics state that you are more likely to fall foul of someone you already know!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was just talking to a European national over here working for a year. He was very keen to invite me over to his company flat. Too keen I felt tbh. I warned him that if we were to meet I would need some proof that he is who he says he is. Absolutely wouldn’t countenance giving me more than a name and his assurance that he was a nice guy.
Seemed to think it was madness that I should expect some independent confirmation of his ID in order to drive over the Pennines to meet him.
I also had someone pull a major huff when I took a pic of their car reg and texted it to a fab friend before I got in the car with them. I feel this is self-preservation 101, but clearly men think I’m mad.
Do you take safety precautions? I’m mainly asking those who meet alone here.
And yes, I do of course generally meet in public places and at clubs, but occasionally people offer lifts or I meet them at theirs."
You did right if in doubt decline the offer you will get some complaining about being let down but your personal safety is all that counts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always get their kik or Facebook, and send lots more pictures, and usually talk for a week or 2 b4 agreeing to meet. Agen, I trust my gut. I have a son, so I have to have meets at mine while he is in bed, so if I don't feel right with someone, I don't invite them. Plus I give them my town b4 my actual address, so they don't know where I live till the last minute. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I always have a social first to but after that if you choose to go to theirs ot whatever the reality of it is that you can never be 100% certain that they are going to keep you safe. "
Of course, but like everything in life it’s about the level of risk you choose to accept. I mitigate as far as I reasonably can without being a total arse about it.
I suspect that the men who have kicked up about my requests would never advise their kids to get in cars with strange men or go to the houses of people they don’t know. |
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For a female on her own, or anyone we would recommend someone knows where you are and who your with. Especially on a first meet. Even if you have to lie and say it's a normal date. Taking pictures of a number plate or asking for ID when let's face it your meeting a complete stranger isnt a bad thing although no doubt some people wouldn't be comfortable with it. If not then meet someone in a public place with cameras I guess x |
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By *appytochatMan
over a year ago
Deep in the New Forest |
Hopefully speaking on behalf of any genuine guy. I wouldn't be offended if I was asked to prove who I was. Or if the lady had to phone a friend to let them know where we were going and that's she safe. Surely its common sense. We teach it to our children to let us know they are safe or where they are and who they are going to be with. Why should that change just because we are older. Stranger danger doesnt stop at a certain age. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always have a social first to but after that if you choose to go to theirs ot whatever the reality of it is that you can never be 100% certain that they are going to keep you safe.
Of course, but like everything in life it’s about the level of risk you choose to accept. I mitigate as far as I reasonably can without being a total arse about it.
I suspect that the men who have kicked up about my requests would never advise their kids to get in cars with strange men or go to the houses of people they don’t know."
Some men would if it was for their own gratification. you don't have to go back far before you find press about a man on here who disappeared after a meet. At the end of it all yes you do take some risks its sensible to make sure they are very small ones. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know there was a guy in Canada who killed several men who had met him at a garage from a gay hook up site. Several had just disappeared. One had provided details to friends and it was him that started the investigation. I think he still was killed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And it always tickles me that the objections are always:
‘I’m a nice guy’
‘I have a decent job.’
‘You should trust me.’
Cos obvs the psychopaths would never profess to be nice or trustworthy, and there have never been any professional serial killers who were professionals, nurses or doctors for example.
https://m.ranker.com/list/serial-killers-who-were-doctors/ranker-crime
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And it always tickles me that the objections are always:
‘I’m a nice guy’
‘I have a decent job.’
‘You should trust me.’
Cos obvs the psychopaths would never profess to be nice or trustworthy, and there have never been any professional serial killers who were professionals, nurses or doctors for example.
https://m.ranker.com/list/serial-killers-who-were-doctors/ranker-crime
"
Ted Bundy ~ enough said! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do remember one guy taking major offensive to me asking for some personal info on him. We had already met but what he was asking me to do and what I was considering, for me I needed more reassurance before participating.
He declined, stopped all contact. Initially I was upset as liked him, nearly caved in and then thought no fuck it, meet me at least halfway or don’t meet....he choose the latter...
  |
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"I always tell someone where I will be even if I’m meeting just for a coffee somewhere then I tex when I leave "
A lady friend of mine has a tracker app on her phone, which is shared with a female friend of hers, and the gps locator works well. They also message each other during their meets  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was just talking to a European national over here working for a year. He was very keen to invite me over to his company flat. Too keen I felt tbh. I warned him that if we were to meet I would need some proof that he is who he says he is. Absolutely wouldn’t countenance giving me more than a name and his assurance that he was a nice guy.
Seemed to think it was madness that I should expect some independent confirmation of his ID in order to drive over the Pennines to meet him.
I also had someone pull a major huff when I took a pic of their car reg and texted it to a fab friend before I got in the car with them. I feel this is self-preservation 101, but clearly men think I’m mad.
Do you take safety precautions? I’m mainly asking those who meet alone here.
And yes, I do of course generally meet in public places and at clubs, but occasionally people offer lifts or I meet them at theirs."
I think you have every right to do what you do. Well done |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I keep a semi automatic under my pillow and wear a go-pro on my head that live streams all my meets to a security system "
Your the kind of guy we need to take precautions against. Its not a joking matter. Many nutters on here who expect ladies to meet them . |
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"I always tell someone where I will be even if I’m meeting just for a coffee somewhere then I tex when I leave
A lady friend of mine has a tracker app on her phone, which is shared with a female friend of hers, and the gps locator works well. They also message each other during their meets "
Handy to know. I'm gonna check that out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do remember one guy taking major offensive to me asking for some personal info on him. We had already met but what he was asking me to do and what I was considering, for me I needed more reassurance before participating.
He declined, stopped all contact. Initially I was upset as liked him, nearly caved in and then thought no fuck it, meet me at least halfway or don’t meet....he choose the latter...
"
It's a sellers market here girls and I'm sure most sensible guys on here understand any girls concerns for their safety? I'm always happy with at least a public social first and apart from the odd occasion it's always been fine. (I did meet one lady at a hotel with no previous contact but I think that was exceptional? Go with your comfort zone girls there's always plenty more to pick from!!!! Good luck and ENJOY!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always get their kik or Facebook, and send lots more pictures, and usually talk for a week or 2 b4 agreeing to meet. Agen, I trust my gut. I have a son, so I have to have meets at mine while he is in bed, so if I don't feel right with someone, I don't invite them. Plus I give them my town b4 my actual address, so they don't know where I live till the last minute. "
How old is he? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was just talking to a European national over here working for a year. He was very keen to invite me over to his company flat. Too keen I felt tbh. I warned him that if we were to meet I would need some proof that he is who he says he is. Absolutely wouldn’t countenance giving me more than a name and his assurance that he was a nice guy.
Seemed to think it was madness that I should expect some independent confirmation of his ID in order to drive over the Pennines to meet him.
I also had someone pull a major huff when I took a pic of their car reg and texted it to a fab friend before I got in the car with them. I feel this is self-preservation 101, but clearly men think I’m mad.
Do you take safety precautions? I’m mainly asking those who meet alone here.
And yes, I do of course generally meet in public places and at clubs, but occasionally people offer lifts or I meet them at theirs."
Both your examples would put me off meeting them. If they don't have the awareness to understand why it's an issue, I don't think they are safe to meet. |
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I had one guy who not only tried to pressure me into having him to my house on a first meet..massive NO NO..also when I said no due kids being home..suggested i give them sweets and film to watch while i sneak him upstairs..told me to pop iut for a drive with him instead and leave them alone...it will be fine we will only be half hr tops.. sadly they were both serious suggestions on his part...douchbag... |
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I don’t meet unless I’ve talked to them, swapped face pics and numbers. You can get other information through chatting and always meet in a public place and I’ve not had anyone at my home.
This bit you might find strange, but everything I know about that person is left printed on a piece of paper in my house, just in case |
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I have a tracker on my phone. I get the address of where i am neeting. Usually a hotel. Give all details to a trusted friend and if i havent called them by a specific time after he meet his instructions are to call the police and give them the details. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always get their kik or Facebook, and send lots more pictures, and usually talk for a week or 2 b4 agreeing to meet. Agen, I trust my gut. I have a son, so I have to have meets at mine while he is in bed, so if I don't feel right with someone, I don't invite them. Plus I give them my town b4 my actual address, so they don't know where I live till the last minute. "
You meet while your child is in bed ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had one guy who not only tried to pressure me into having him to my house on a first meet..massive NO NO..also when I said no due kids being home..suggested i give them sweets and film to watch while i sneak him upstairs..told me to pop iut for a drive with him instead and leave them alone...it will be fine we will only be half hr tops.. sadly they were both serious suggestions on his part...douchbag..."
That's quite frightening. I'm just glad you wasn't afraid to tell him to get lost. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you're calling or texting a friend during a meet to say you're ok, have a pre agreed message. Something daft like "I'm having a shit time and bored as fuck!"
That way if you're in trouble/ being attacked and they force you to say "I'm fine", your mate knows there's an issue and can get you help. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Anyone I am meeting I ALWAYS provide upfront with at least my full name and mobile number without prompting and tell them to feel free to pass it on to a trusted and discreet third party if they want to - I'd have no issues providing other details like my car reg either.
Frankly anyone that wouldn't be prepared to provide that level of detail would ring alarm bells to me.
That said I don't expect a lady to reciprocate but then I always meet in a public place first and usually don't meet until we have chatted for some time and I have a level of comfort that they are who they say they are. |
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Car reg is perfect! I even take photos of taxi’s plates when I sit d*unk female friends in to go home, and make sure they know I have done it!
My fem. is looking to meet girls alone, and I have the same concerns for her safety while out. Sex is just sex, your welfare is more important x |
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By *omvampmMan
over a year ago
gillingham |
You should do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and any decent genuine person would have no issues with that.
If anything from my point of view I'd be lil concerned if any female or indeed couple didn't prior to meeting me or any other stranger.
I get some get an element of frill from meeting total stranger s but yer Gota be sensible can still make meets be spontaneous if that's what you like. Even those that are here in secret (apparently there is some here like that lol) should respect someone they meet wants to feel safe x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I do remember one guy taking major offensive to me asking for some personal info on him. We had already met but what he was asking me to do and what I was considering, for me I needed more reassurance before participating.
He declined, stopped all contact. Initially I was upset as liked him, nearly caved in and then thought no fuck it, meet me at least halfway or don’t meet....he choose the latter...
"
I knew a strong, muscly, 6’ climber and urban explorer who was a self-confessed sadist and lover of vore. He was sexy as hell, kinky and had beautiful assets (we played at a party once) but he wouldn’t give me a surname and so I wouldn’t let myself be alone in a room with him. Plus I couldn’t quite work out why this beautiful creature was knocking round with me.
I do wish I’d had a chance to experience more, but he could easily have overpowered me and I never felt I knew his agenda. |
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"I keep a semi automatic under my pillow and wear a go-pro on my head that live streams all my meets to a security system
Your the kind of guy we need to take precautions against. Its not a joking matter. Many nutters on here who expect ladies to meet them ."
The number of people who are offended that I protect myself blows my mind.
I suspect the Venn diagram of "uptight bitch, you take yourself too seriously" and "what did you expect would happen, why weren't you more careful?" is pretty much a circle |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t meet unless I’ve talked to them, swapped face pics and numbers. You can get other information through chatting and always meet in a public place and I’ve not had anyone at my home.
This bit you might find strange, but everything I know about that person is left printed on a piece of paper in my house, just in case "
I don’t find that strange at all. I have a phone cascade, my fab friend to a real friend who knows the rest of my life. The fab friend has my arrangements. I left the phone in the car once and between them they almost got the police out. Felt awful for worrying them.
I do other stuff too so people know where I am. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some craziness the social protects both parties. I met a couple on a previous profile who looked great but the guy was on something and wad behaving very strangely. I can look after myself but I did not feel comfortable. He was very controlling and I got the hell out of there. It can happen to guys too where you start to have that terrible fear of 'oh I'm in trouble here'  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone I am meeting I ALWAYS provide upfront with at least my full name and mobile number without prompting and tell them to feel free to pass it on to a trusted and discreet third party if they want to - I'd have no issues providing other details like my car reg either.
Frankly anyone that wouldn't be prepared to provide that level of detail would ring alarm bells to me.
That said I don't expect a lady to reciprocate but then I always meet in a public place first and usually don't meet until we have chatted for some time and I have a level of comfort that they are who they say they are. "
But also it’s unlikely that they could physically overwhelm you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a couple of friends that I use as my "murder call" (they know who I'm meeting, where, and if I don't text them when I'm home, they'll raise the alarm).
It's basic personal safety. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I keep a semi automatic under my pillow and wear a go-pro on my head that live streams all my meets to a security system
Your the kind of guy we need to take precautions against. Its not a joking matter. Many nutters on here who expect ladies to meet them .
The number of people who are offended that I protect myself blows my mind.
I suspect the Venn diagram of "uptight bitch, you take yourself too seriously" and "what did you expect would happen, why weren't you more careful?" is pretty much a circle "
If I cant imagine myself explaining to an emergency service without feeling ashamed of my stupidity I won’t do it. I wouldn’t enjoy explaining I’d arranged a five man gangbang (or whatever) but I’d be much more embarrassed explaining that I’d gone to a strangers house in the middle of the house in lingerie and nothing else with out knowing their name, telling someone where I was, being trackableetc etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Can I just say thank you for the positive and supportive response! I have been questioned about this several times and I was starting to doubt my sanity. |
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It’s important the man actually knows you have passed on his details ( Car reg and you see him in the car or getting out of it along with his face photo should suffice ) to a trusted friend to act as an actual deterrent not just to refer to after an event because If he doesn’t know his details have been passed on and then something untoward happens it’s already too late. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I just say thank you for the positive and supportive response! I have been questioned about this several times and I was starting to doubt my sanity. "
if I can give any advice to anyone meeting on here it would always be - don’t doubt yourself and always listen to your gut instinct. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do remember one guy taking major offensive to me asking for some personal info on him. We had already met but what he was asking me to do and what I was considering, for me I needed more reassurance before participating.
He declined, stopped all contact. Initially I was upset as liked him, nearly caved in and then thought no fuck it, meet me at least halfway or don’t meet....he choose the latter...
I knew a strong, muscly, 6’ climber and urban explorer who was a self-confessed sadist and lover of vore. He was sexy as hell, kinky and had beautiful assets (we played at a party once) but he wouldn’t give me a surname and so I wouldn’t let myself be alone in a room with him. Plus I couldn’t quite work out why this beautiful creature was knocking round with me.
I do wish I’d had a chance to experience more, but he could easily have overpowered me and I never felt I knew his agenda."
Very similar to my scenario. |
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"I keep a semi automatic under my pillow and wear a go-pro on my head that live streams all my meets to a security system
Your the kind of guy we need to take precautions against. Its not a joking matter. Many nutters on here who expect ladies to meet them .
The number of people who are offended that I protect myself blows my mind.
I suspect the Venn diagram of "uptight bitch, you take yourself too seriously" and "what did you expect would happen, why weren't you more careful?" is pretty much a circle
If I cant imagine myself explaining to an emergency service without feeling ashamed of my stupidity I won’t do it. I wouldn’t enjoy explaining I’d arranged a five man gangbang (or whatever) but I’d be much more embarrassed explaining that I’d gone to a strangers house in the middle of the house in lingerie and nothing else with out knowing their name, telling someone where I was, being trackableetc etc."
Oh, it's more, people get upset with me when I say that I take precautions, like I think I'm all that. Uh... It's more about everyone else. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
As others have said; I think that most people with a shred of social awareness would understand the need to be and feel safe in these situations.
I would also posit that those that object are probably the ones with something to hide, whether it's a partner, spouse or body in the boot! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Anyone I am meeting I ALWAYS provide upfront with at least my full name and mobile number without prompting and tell them to feel free to pass it on to a trusted and discreet third party if they want to - I'd have no issues providing other details like my car reg either.
Frankly anyone that wouldn't be prepared to provide that level of detail would ring alarm bells to me.
That said I don't expect a lady to reciprocate but then I always meet in a public place first and usually don't meet until we have chatted for some time and I have a level of comfort that they are who they say they are.
But also it’s unlikely that they could physically overwhelm you."
Yes in some cases, but I didn't want to say that as I didn't want to appear patronising or similar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s important the man actually knows you have passed on his details ( Car reg and you see him in the car or getting out of it along with his face photo should suffice ) to a trusted friend to act as an actual deterrent not just to refer to after an event because If he doesn’t know his details have been passed on and then something untoward happens it’s already too late."
Good point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As others have said; I think that most people with a shred of social awareness would understand the need to be and feel safe in these situations.
I would also posit that those that object are probably the ones with something to hide, whether it's a partner, spouse or body in the boot! "
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We always make the first meet a vanilla meet in a local pub and always are together. We are happy to have a sexy chat with the other person(s) but we have a "safe phrase" which we can drop into the conversation at any time. Either of us can use the phrase and it signifies that one of us is not happy and its time to leave. Only had to use it a couple of times but it worked both times.
Gill and Aitch |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do remember one guy taking major offensive to me asking for some personal info on him. We had already met but what he was asking me to do and what I was considering, for me I needed more reassurance before participating.
He declined, stopped all contact. Initially I was upset as liked him, nearly caved in and then thought no fuck it, meet me at least halfway or don’t meet....he choose the latter...
"
Yeah bang on men are just a commodity easily replaced in swinging tbh. No point in ever getting sucked into the chasing of them. Why waste time effort when can just grab some one else that plays by your rules |
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"I don’t meet unless I’ve talked to them, swapped face pics and numbers. You can get other information through chatting and always meet in a public place and I’ve not had anyone at my home.
This bit you might find strange, but everything I know about that person is left printed on a piece of paper in my house, just in case
I don’t find that strange at all. I have a phone cascade, my fab friend to a real friend who knows the rest of my life. The fab friend has my arrangements. I left the phone in the car once and between them they almost got the police out. Felt awful for worrying them.
I do other stuff too so people know where I am."
Glad you don’t find it strange. None of my family or friends know about this side of my life so they only option I have is the piece of paper |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To my shame I never put in any safety precauations beyond lots of talking beforehand and meeting in a hotel.
If anything came up in conversation that concerned me beforehand I would just keep talking until I either decided yay or nay.
My mother would absolutely killed me had she known as I would my own children if they did similair, but we will do what we will do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t meet unless I’ve talked to them, swapped face pics and numbers. You can get other information through chatting and always meet in a public place and I’ve not had anyone at my home.
This bit you might find strange, but everything I know about that person is left printed on a piece of paper in my house, just in case "
Thats a really good idea actually for people who have no one to tell. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I've often thought that a really good value add the site could provide would be some kind of system where users could log who they were meeting, any known details and where etc that could be used to provide a safety network - could all be kept private and wouldn't even need those two people to swap details between them necessarily (could all be logged, verified and held centrally).
Would need a little development but wouldn't need any human intervention if it was set up right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I stay safe by
Never giving out my personal info phone number face book etc.
If you meet do it in open place like a bar etc.
I always ask the person who wants to meet to take a selfie with my name on paper with them clearly holding it. Most don't do it cos there fake and go to my block list xx |
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I always meet in a public place of my choosing. How people interact with you socially is a good indicator of how they'll be behind closed doors.
I Google anyone I'm meeting. One guy I found his address, phone number (home and mobile) etc all online. It was on a list of National Front supporters published by a national newspaper.
I also only meet men who also accommodate at home.
I used to send the profile of the men I was meeting to my sister in Italy. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
As someone interested in BDSM I have commented on keeping people safe before.
So I would start by saying to OP your body your rules.
But let's unpack most of the comments. As far as I can see almost none of the methods suggested guarantee safety.
Most are like an insurance policy, which does not protect from fire but only compensates if you have a fire. So very few of the suggestions actually offer protection. They are merely a process by which if you fail to return or are injured allows the tracking of the perpetrator. But would the court case be successful?
The next point is the assumption that potential perpetrators plan what they are going to do, and would be put off by knowing they would be caught. This same error regularly happens with criminal policy where severe penalties are given to deter crime. But if the criminal does not think about penalties, or it is a spur of the moment offence, the penalty does not deter as would few of the procedures suggested be a deterrent.
I am also not a believer of gut instinctive, it is subjective and no one measures the times when it was fallible or when it was false. Many people have fallen into traps for mistakenly having a gut feeling in the wrong way.
In regard to the social it seems to suggest that psychopaths can't control themselves for one meeting. What if there seems to be dodgy behaviour could be no more than a clash of cultural behaviour, it just means you have a bad social it does not mean they are a killer.
My last and different point is the assumption that wanting to compartmentalize your life means you having something to bad to hide.
Actually the assumption being made is the person wanting to protect themself will handle the information sensitively. This is not always the case. In my clubbing days having had someone come home and given them my details I have been phoned by irate male partners threatening me and saying they know where I live.
So no one says what happens to the information after the meet. Given the interconnectivity of technology personal information can pop up anywhere to be used or misconstrued.
People may not want people close to them knowing they swing, and we all the issues with phones and Facebook.
There are many innocent reasons for keeping your swinging life separate, that is why many people use kik or have burner phones.
So I am all for keeping people safe but people need to be aware of the efficacy of the method they choose.
Additionally people may have honest reasons for wanting privacy. |
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As a man, i always offer to have a social before anything else happens. I'm also happy to give a few personal details and for new meets to check in with my wife so they can be satisfied everything is ok.
If a future meet happens at my home, i always give the full address and postcode and ensure the doors are open. |
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By *yrdsisWoman
over a year ago
Gleam Street |
I have a rottweiler... and a partner.. and a friend (her hubby is a police officer) who always knows where I am and has a tracker thingy on my phone.
None of the above are infallable, but they help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As someone interested in BDSM I have commented on keeping people safe before.
So I would start by saying to OP your body your rules.
But let's unpack most of the comments. As far as I can see almost none of the methods suggested guarantee safety.
Most are like an insurance policy, which does not protect from fire but only compensates if you have a fire. So very few of the suggestions actually offer protection. They are merely a process by which if you fail to return or are injured allows the tracking of the perpetrator. But would the court case be successful?
The next point is the assumption that potential perpetrators plan what they are going to do, and would be put off by knowing they would be caught. This same error regularly happens with criminal policy where severe penalties are given to deter crime. But if the criminal does not think about penalties, or it is a spur of the moment offence, the penalty does not deter as would few of the procedures suggested be a deterrent.
I am also not a believer of gut instinctive, it is subjective and no one measures the times when it was fallible or when it was false. Many people have fallen into traps for mistakenly having a gut feeling in the wrong way.
In regard to the social it seems to suggest that psychopaths can't control themselves for one meeting. What if there seems to be dodgy behaviour could be no more than a clash of cultural behaviour, it just means you have a bad social it does not mean they are a killer.
My last and different point is the assumption that wanting to compartmentalize your life means you having something to bad to hide.
Actually the assumption being made is the person wanting to protect themself will handle the information sensitively. This is not always the case. In my clubbing days having had someone come home and given them my details I have been phoned by irate male partners threatening me and saying they know where I live.
So no one says what happens to the information after the meet. Given the interconnectivity of technology personal information can pop up anywhere to be used or misconstrued.
People may not want people close to them knowing they swing, and we all the issues with phones and Facebook.
There are many innocent reasons for keeping your swinging life separate, that is why many people use kik or have burner phones.
So I am all for keeping people safe but people need to be aware of the efficacy of the method they choose.
Additionally people may have honest reasons for wanting privacy."
I believe in gut instinct! It has always worked for me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"im extremely violent and armed to the teeth   "
I should try and cultivate this image..
I told my friends I was going to try Krav Maga and they just rolled around laughing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I just say thank you for the positive and supportive response! I have been questioned about this several times and I was starting to doubt my sanity. "
Made me worry and I’m a bloke  |
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I think it makes perfect sense to photograph a car reg and send it to a friend. Also to send them the face pic from the online chat. It could save your life.
Men are often surprised as we never feel vulnerable. Not in our makeup. |
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Always meet in a public place, with multiple exits. If you arrive by car, best to park where you can safely get to and from the venue without the man spotting your car. Crazzies will follow you home or scout the whole area until they find where you live.
Beware of giving away personal/ work info that will aid them homing in on you. You'll only do it once, before realising your mistake. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always meet socially first - bar, coffee shop, pub etc. This way I know if I'm ok to take this further later if there's a mutual chemistry. Most of the times there isn't so everyone goes home alone. |
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"I always meet socially first - bar, coffee shop, pub etc. This way I know if I'm ok to take this further later if there's a mutual chemistry. Most of the times there isn't so everyone goes home alone."
You thought you did but I was actually following you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always meet socially first - bar, coffee shop, pub etc. This way I know if I'm ok to take this further later if there's a mutual chemistry. Most of the times there isn't so everyone goes home alone.
You thought you did but I was actually following you "
Oh yeah? And at what point did you turn and headed back home? Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's not a good idea to meet someone on the spur of the moment.. Atleast get to know them for awhile through conversation first.
I'm a bloke and even I am worried about meeting with a single female, either I'm a wimp or very careful.
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You are perfectly within your rights to keep info pics details of prospective meets. I always request face pics note numbers. Don't ever go in blind so to speak. Even when dogging take someone you already trust and know for added security, they can always pretend they don't know you and be a dogger. If you get any static from anyone leave em be, don't go near them. Safe than sorry.
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Gut instinct is something I never ignore. I had similar to you OP with a guy, he was over keen and then got quite nasty when I said no. He couldn’t understand that first meet in his house wasn’t a good idea or why I had my reservations.
Social meet always first, but then in my own experience that’s not fool proof sadly. I have a couple of friends who I tend to message to say where I’m going.
Never ignore gut instinct though |
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"I always meet socially first - bar, coffee shop, pub etc. This way I know if I'm ok to take this further later if there's a mutual chemistry. Most of the times there isn't so everyone goes home alone.
You thought you did but I was actually following you
Oh yeah? And at what point did you turn and headed back home? Lol"
Still outside with my binox. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I always meet socially first - bar, coffee shop, pub etc. This way I know if I'm ok to take this further later if there's a mutual chemistry. Most of the times there isn't so everyone goes home alone.
You thought you did but I was actually following you
Oh yeah? And at what point did you turn and headed back home? Lol
Still outside with my binox. "
At least the weather has improved a lot these days |
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"I think it's not a good idea to meet someone on the spur of the moment.. Atleast get to know them for awhile through conversation first.
I'm a bloke and even I am worried about meeting with a single female, either I'm a wimp or very careful.
"
I did this recently and the only risk i felt was that it could be a guy. Thankfully we were both lucky and perhaps relieved that we were both reasonable people. |
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"I keep a semi automatic under my pillow and wear a go-pro on my head that live streams all my meets to a security system
Hahahahaha everyday attire that for me "
Reminds me of the film Freeze Frame with Lee Evans. |
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Try to set up a network of swinging friends and try to have your meets in locations not to far from them always let someone know where you are going. I won't let wife meet with guys unless I know I can trust them or have met on previous occasions. Safety first always I would not dream of playing with a lady until she felt totally comfortable with me somuchfun when everyone relaxed
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My wife will always tell me who she's meeting, give me their fab profile and any personal info she's got... Tell me where she's meeting and give me an address or geotag if they move onto have fun somewhere.
Usually she chooses a pub she's familiar with and which has a well lit car park if she's having a first social. One guy messaged to say he'd spotted his dad at the pub and suggested another location ....wife drove there to find an unlit car park and the guy approaching her car demanding to be let in. Needless to say she drove away. Having one's wits about oneself is important. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Back when i did private meets I always sent my Gay bestie (who was on fab guys so knew the score) a picture of the guy I was meeting, address and a screen shot of his profile on here - he was generally aghast at my taste in men as he prefers much older grey haired blokes, however he knew I would text him at a certain time and if not he had a list of what needed to be done.
I stopped doing private meets because he turned round once and said how much he worried that one day I wouldn’t send him that text or answer his call and it really kicked his anxiety up - this was quite a while ago and when I first was on fab about 6 years ago.
I’m now a clubs only girl and have been for a while and it works for me - through this I’ve met guys I would and have met privately having played with them a fair few times and feel safe and comfortable with them, some I class as friends in my real life.
The one thing though that springs to mind is everyone on here is fake, the number of guys who use false names and fake locations even if something was to happen realistically how would they be tracked down?
Oh and no chance would anyone get to my house, bad enough when you get weirdos sending you stalkerish crap on here or kik without anyone knowing where I live. |
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"Was just talking to a European national over here working for a year. He was very keen to invite me over to his company flat. Too keen I felt tbh. I warned him that if we were to meet I would need some proof that he is who he says he is. Absolutely wouldn’t countenance giving me more than a name and his assurance that he was a nice guy.
Seemed to think it was madness that I should expect some independent confirmation of his ID in order to drive over the Pennines to meet him.
I also had someone pull a major huff when I took a pic of their car reg and texted it to a fab friend before I got in the car with them. I feel this is self-preservation 101, but clearly men think I’m mad.
Do you take safety precautions? I’m mainly asking those who meet alone here.
And yes, I do of course generally meet in public places and at clubs, but occasionally people offer lifts or I meet them at theirs."
I have a text buddy when I’m meeting who knows where I am. As you did, I would probably be a little cautious too. I tend to go on veris and popularity on forum posts. My first meeting is always a social... with an escape route! |
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I've given lifts to people and almost insisted they take pictures of car registration and forwarded my face and p e pic to their friend. I looked at it as good training for them.
My mum was surprised I made her do it too |
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Anyone who doesn't let their friend have details of whom they're meeting for the first time,is a fool.
On the scale of safety precautions it's pretty low anyway. It just gives the police a clue when they find a bin bag full of body parts.
Men need to get over their mock indignation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone who doesn't let their friend have details of whom they're meeting for the first time,is a fool.
On the scale of safety precautions it's pretty low anyway. It just gives the police a clue when they find a bin bag full of body parts.
Men need to get over their mock indignation"
ive never let anyone know ive just been lucky i guess  |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"And it always tickles me that the objections are always:
‘I’m a nice guy’
‘I have a decent job.’
‘You should trust me.’
Cos obvs the psychopaths would never profess to be nice or trustworthy, and there have never been any professional serial killers who were professionals, nurses or doctors for example.
https://m.ranker.com/list/serial-killers-who-were-doctors/ranker-crime
Ted Bundy ~ enough said!"
Precisely. |
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"Was just talking to a European national over here working for a year. He was very keen to invite me over to his company flat. Too keen I felt tbh. I warned him that if we were to meet I would need some proof that he is who he says he is. Absolutely wouldn’t countenance giving me more than a name and his assurance that he was a nice guy.
Seemed to think it was madness that I should expect some independent confirmation of his ID in order to drive over the Pennines to meet him.
I also had someone pull a major huff when I took a pic of their car reg and texted it to a fab friend before I got in the car with them. I feel this is self-preservation 101, but clearly men think I’m mad.
Do you take safety precautions? I’m mainly asking those who meet alone here.
And yes, I do of course generally meet in public places and at clubs, but occasionally people offer lifts or I meet them at theirs."
If we meet separately at someone else's home, we text each other the address. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
The amount of people who expect me to meet up 24/7 in cars, hotel rooms, their place or mine without even a social in a public place beggars belief sometimes. I always ask them if they are happy for female friends and family to do this or would they advise them against doing so for safety reasons. Shocking the amount that reply they never thought about it in that way. I have had some very interesting chats with them as a result and met a couple of them too.
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"I always get their kik or Facebook, and send lots more pictures, and usually talk for a week or 2 b4 agreeing to meet. Agen, I trust my gut. I have a son, so I have to have meets at mine while he is in bed, so if I don't feel right with someone, I don't invite them. Plus I give them my town b4 my actual address, so they don't know where I live till the last minute. "
i think knowing there is a child in the house while the mother is meeting for sex would put most sane men of anyway
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I was a meet buddy for a lady so she would tell me who she was meeting and the address and if there was a car in the drive the reg number and then I’d text her a message and she’s reply with a code word to say she was ok. Or another code to say she wasn’t. She always was but she felt safer knowing someone was there (sort of). |
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"Was just talking to a European national over here working for a year. He was very keen to invite me over to his company flat. Too keen I felt tbh. I warned him that if we were to meet I would need some proof that he is who he says he is. Absolutely wouldn’t countenance giving me more than a name and his assurance that he was a nice guy.
Seemed to think it was madness that I should expect some independent confirmation of his ID in order to drive over the Pennines to meet him.
I also had someone pull a major huff when I took a pic of their car reg and texted it to a fab friend before I got in the car with them. I feel this is self-preservation 101, but clearly men think I’m mad.
Do you take safety precautions? I’m mainly asking those who meet alone here.
And yes, I do of course generally meet in public places and at clubs, but occasionally people offer lifts or I meet them at theirs."
You do absolutely right. Always look after yourself. |
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