FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Should people take personal responsibility for bad relationships?
Should people take personal responsibility for bad relationships?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life? |
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"Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life?"
You need to take responsibility for your part in these relationships. Why do you go for these types of women? Surely you must realise they are taking you for a mug?
Some women will always expect and get a free ride in life, as long as there are people willing to enable them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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They don’t act like gold diggers at first.... they’re nice and sweet at first then when you fall in love ... they start the non sense...
They are cunning |
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"Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life?
You need to take responsibility for your part in these relationships. Why do you go for these types of women? Surely you must realise they are taking you for a mug?
Some women will always expect and get a free ride in life, as long as there are people willing to enable them. "
Agree - the OP post gives more of an insight into his view that men ‘keep’ women by providing whilst they provide partner benefits, and they share everything but after relationship / benefits end, why should they leave with more than they turned up with.
Understand the equality angle, but also I believe that whilst together you share everything, including wealth growth, and not have separate pots |
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"They don’t act like gold diggers at first.... they’re nice and sweet at first then when you fall in love ... they start the non sense...
They are cunning "
From day one make them pay their way. They will soon do one if they think they will have to pay in life. I couldnt even dream of not going 50/50 on things. |
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There has to be some kind of signs surely.
If I am on a date or a social or anything I will always buy my round.
If we meet for food and you buy dinner I have no problem paying half or the getting the next one.
I have no respect for anyone who wants a free ride (unless it's the naughty kind).
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But that’s not feasible....
You don’t make a woman pay half on a date?
I asked her out.... I will always pay , I’m a gentleman.
She can still buy a round it's about having a certain attitude.
"
This must be a British trait....
After a great date , I’m expecting a text saying I had a great time ... I can’t wait to see you again..
But all I get a text about is they just broke their phone.... they need help... |
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"But that’s not feasible....
You don’t make a woman pay half on a date?
I asked her out.... I will always pay , I’m a gentleman."
If you keep attracting women who want you to pay for everything, don't start the relationship by offering to pay for everything.
It's 2019. Any woman who wants an equal and respectful relationship is not going to be offended by sharing the cost of a date (assuming they're working and can afford it, etc). |
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I dated a guy about 3 times, he counted every penny he paid ( I earn way more and paid half). I found the attitude unattractive. In the end I said I always pay my way, stop going on about money. He even asked what earned, my property value etc.  |
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"I dated a guy about 3 times, he counted every penny he paid ( I earn way more and paid half). I found the attitude unattractive. In the end I said I always pay my way, stop going on about money. He even asked what earned, my property value etc. "
Well that is a bit much and totally unattractive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They don’t act like gold diggers at first.... they’re nice and sweet at first then when you fall in love ... they start the non sense...
They are cunning "
All I can recommend is, learn from your mistakes. If you don't, the lesson will continue to repeat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But that’s not feasible....
You don’t make a woman pay half on a date?
I asked her out.... I will always pay , I’m a gentleman.
If you keep attracting women who want you to pay for everything, don't start the relationship by offering to pay for everything.
It's 2019. Any woman who wants an equal and respectful relationship is not going to be offended by sharing the cost of a date (assuming they're working and can afford it, etc). "
Take them to cheaper places. You can still buy them meals if that's your 'thing' OP. But if it's expensive places they will know you're rich and you'll be more likely to attract gold diggers.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They don’t act like gold diggers at first.... they’re nice and sweet at first then when you fall in love ... they start the non sense...
They are cunning
All I can recommend is, learn from your mistakes. If you don't, the lesson will continue to repeat "
I think I will start telling women, I’m a bin man. When I meet them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But that’s not feasible....
You don’t make a woman pay half on a date?
I asked her out.... I will always pay , I’m a gentleman.
If you keep attracting women who want you to pay for everything, don't start the relationship by offering to pay for everything.
It's 2019. Any woman who wants an equal and respectful relationship is not going to be offended by sharing the cost of a date (assuming they're working and can afford it, etc).
Take them to cheaper places. You can still buy them meals if that's your 'thing' OP. But if it's expensive places they will know you're rich and you'll be more likely to attract gold diggers.
"
You haven’t been to New York City lately.... there are no more cheap places.....
Even Chipotle , Panera bread and KFC can be expensive in Manhattan... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They don’t act like gold diggers at first.... they’re nice and sweet at first then when you fall in love ... they start the non sense...
They are cunning
All I can recommend is, learn from your mistakes. If you don't, the lesson will continue to repeat
I think I will start telling women, I’m a bin man. When I meet them"
Why not? It would be an interesting experiment. Though truth is always better in the end of course |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They don’t act like gold diggers at first.... they’re nice and sweet at first then when you fall in love ... they start the non sense...
They are cunning
All I can recommend is, learn from your mistakes. If you don't, the lesson will continue to repeat
I think I will start telling women, I’m a bin man. When I meet them
Why not? It would be an interesting experiment. Though truth is always better in the end of course "
Just out of curiosity.... how does a bin man dress... when he is not picking up garbage? |
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I was on a Tinder date last year with a woman, we went to a restaurant for lunch I paid, afterwards we went for coffee and a cake, she paid
A second date was arranged, in no way she was expecting me to pay for lunch, but I’m sure it helped me get the second date, as well as being open to being bought a coffee as well. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life?"
Starting to think it's my fault being drawn to vulnerable, crazy women. Or there is just a high percentage of them on here.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But that’s not feasible....
You don’t make a woman pay half on a date?
I asked her out.... I will always pay , I’m a gentleman."
... and there's your problem x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But that’s not feasible....
You don’t make a woman pay half on a date?
I asked her out.... I will always pay , I’m a gentleman."
It’s totally feasible, it’s 2019 for goodness sake not 1959...!!
Doesn’t impact being a “gentleman” or being a “lady” to be equal.
Not saying you can’t pay for anything if that’s what you like doing but as you can see from your OP you’re attracting a certain type of woman. |
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"Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life?"
it's only your fault if you stay in the relationship knowing it's not what you want.
Otherwise enjoy what you're getting out if it |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life?"
This isn’t directly related to the headline of the thread though. It’s only a “bad relationship” if it didn’t work for both of you that the woman was effectively reliant on her partner. If this is what you both seek, then it works fine. Others may have an opinion but it if suits you and makes you happy then that’s good.
If however this is a more general question about picking people that don’t make you happy then yes... you must take responsibility for your share. We’ve all done it, fallen for someone and eventually you realise there was a fair amount of toxicity and at a point in time the relationship ends and we try to learn a lesson. But the lesson isn’t easy. Humans are very keen on the thrill of early relationships when everything is amazing and wonderful. Reality takes a while to set in.
That’s why it’s sensible to take longer before you get emotionally (or financially) invested. Slowly you build that trust and if the relationships is not the one you thought you had then it’s easier to fix.
So slow down, trust your instinct, look for what you want and recognise that if you keep repeating the same pattern nothing will be different.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life?
You need to take responsibility for your part in these relationships. Why do you go for these types of women? Surely you must realise they are taking you for a mug?
Some women will always expect and get a free ride in life, as long as there are people willing to enable them. "
dont enable yourself to get in this postion but no i dont think you are the solo blame in duo relationship ( in short) |
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"Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life? Starting to think it's my fault being drawn to vulnerable, crazy women. Or there is just a high percentage of them on here. "
It's not a dating site  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But that’s not feasible....
You don’t make a woman pay half on a date?
I asked her out.... I will always pay , I’m a gentleman."
I’ve never in my life expected a man to pay for me... if he pays on a first date, I pay next time..... I’m a confident, independent woman. I don’t need a man...... but occasionally I want one, big difference  |
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"Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life?"
How are you interacting with these women before you meet them? Maybe there's something there that is making them think they can swindle you. |
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In general I think it's nice to be taken out and have the other person pay but then I'd always offer to pay my half and I'd always ensure that if they got this one, I'll get the next (if there was a next) |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Let’s say I’ve dated nothing but gold diggers for the last 5 years....
Is it my fault for picking these bad women or should these women get jobs , be independent, and stop looking for a free ride in life? Starting to think it's my fault being drawn to vulnerable, crazy women. Or there is just a high percentage of them on here.
It's not a dating site "
I know! I don't date off here. I just end up getting roped in to trying to help them. They know that I'm like that too though, so I think it's like a test.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was on a Tinder date last year with a woman, we went to a restaurant for lunch I paid, afterwards we went for coffee and a cake, she paid
A second date was arranged, in no way she was expecting me to pay for lunch, but I’m sure it helped me get the second date, as well as being open to being bought a coffee as well. "
Congratulations, again I think this is a UK thing |
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Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
" Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy Tell me about it! I'm exhausted.
Well then, the answer lays with you. Just say "no" "
I don't, i tried to be delicate it doesn't work. |
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" Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy Tell me about it! I'm exhausted.
Well then, the answer lays with you. Just say "no" I don't, i tried to be delicate it doesn't work. "
You don't say no? How do you mean delicate? |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
" Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy Tell me about it! I'm exhausted.
Well then, the answer lays with you. Just say "no" I don't, i tried to be delicate it doesn't work.
You don't say no? How do you mean delicate?"
Yeah I do because consequences are the only thing that make something sink in.
Delicate because I had been there before and didn't want more hassle but I should of just said right from the off what I thought. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy"
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy"
I just can't be bothered to 'fight'. If I make my feelings known and there's just tumble.wee'd it's a waste of my time. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me?"
Some women have selective hearing and can't see the wood for the trees. |
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I was in a bad relationship for 25yrs and only blame myself for being too weak to leave. Guess i wasted alot of my life being unhappy but thankfully i am away from it now and have never looked back. |
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"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me?"
Yep.
Some people are looking for advice and some people are looking to be told what they want to hear. If you tell people what they want to hear you become an enabler I'm glad you're not doing that.
All I know is if you keep putting your hand in the fire you keep getting burned.
Common sense eh  |
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"I was in a bad relationship for 25yrs and only blame myself for being too weak to leave. Guess i wasted alot of my life being unhappy but thankfully i am away from it now and have never looked back."
It's the other persons fault too.
My first marriage was a bloomin travesty but I learned huge lessons from it about what to avoid |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me?
Yep.
Some people are looking for advice and some people are looking to be told what they want to hear. If you tell people what they want to hear you become an enabler I'm glad you're not doing that.
All I know is if you keep putting your hand in the fire you keep getting burned.
Common sense eh "
Yes , but I’m a little worried now... since she has come back... she might want the dog back... |
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"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me?
Yep.
Some people are looking for advice and some people are looking to be told what they want to hear. If you tell people what they want to hear you become an enabler I'm glad you're not doing that.
All I know is if you keep putting your hand in the fire you keep getting burned.
Common sense eh
Yes , but I’m a little worried now... since she has come back... she might want the dog back..."
Tell her you paid for it in Chateau Lafite  |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me?
Yep.
Some people are looking for advice and some people are looking to be told what they want to hear. If you tell people what they want to hear you become an enabler I'm glad you're not doing that.
All I know is if you keep putting your hand in the fire you keep getting burned.
Common sense eh
Yes , but I’m a little worried now... since she has come back... she might want the dog back..."
Doesn't deserve it back, why didn't she take the dog with her? I Love dogs me would never abandon or sell 1 if I had 1. |
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"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me?
Yep.
Some people are looking for advice and some people are looking to be told what they want to hear. If you tell people what they want to hear you become an enabler I'm glad you're not doing that.
All I know is if you keep putting your hand in the fire you keep getting burned.
Common sense eh
Yes , but I’m a little worried now... since she has come back... she might want the dog back... Doesn't deserve it back, why didn't she take the dog with her? I Love dogs me would never abandon or sell 1 if I had 1."
Mr Blonde people will leave their children behind to chase love, a dog is easy to ditch if you're infatuated. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me?
Yep.
Some people are looking for advice and some people are looking to be told what they want to hear. If you tell people what they want to hear you become an enabler I'm glad you're not doing that.
All I know is if you keep putting your hand in the fire you keep getting burned.
Common sense eh
Yes , but I’m a little worried now... since she has come back... she might want the dog back... Doesn't deserve it back, why didn't she take the dog with her? I Love dogs me would never abandon or sell 1 if I had 1.
Mr Blonde people will leave their children behind to chase love, a dog is easy to ditch if you're infatuated."
Scumbag people maybe. |
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"
Yep.
Yes , but I’m a little worried now... since she has come back... she might want the dog back... Doesn't deserve it back, why didn't she take the dog with her? I Love dogs me would never abandon or sell 1 if I had 1.
Mr Blonde people will leave their children behind to chase love, a dog is easy to ditch if you're infatuated. Scumbag people maybe."
Life isn't always straightforward and easy. |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
Dating some one who is fiercely independent is troublesome too. One may have more than the other and it's frustrating when you cannot do something together because the one with less won't allow the one with more to make up the shortfall so you both lose out. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"
Yep.
Yes , but I’m a little worried now... since she has come back... she might want the dog back... Doesn't deserve it back, why didn't she take the dog with her? I Love dogs me would never abandon or sell 1 if I had 1.
Mr Blonde people will leave their children behind to chase love, a dog is easy to ditch if you're infatuated. Scumbag people maybe.
Life isn't always straightforward and easy. "
Oh I know it isn't. Doing that is taking the easy option though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dating some one who is fiercely independent is troublesome too. One may have more than the other and it's frustrating when you cannot do something together because the one with less won't allow the one with more to make up the shortfall so you both lose out. "
That's me at the moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dating some one who is fiercely independent is troublesome too. One may have more than the other and it's frustrating when you cannot do something together because the one with less won't allow the one with more to make up the shortfall so you both lose out.
That's me at the moment. "
The poor one. |
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"But that’s not feasible....
You don’t make a woman pay half on a date?
I asked her out.... I will always pay , I’m a gentleman.
If you keep attracting women who want you to pay for everything, don't start the relationship by offering to pay for everything.
It's 2019. Any woman who wants an equal and respectful relationship is not going to be offended by sharing the cost of a date (assuming they're working and can afford it, etc).
Take them to cheaper places. You can still buy them meals if that's your 'thing' OP. But if it's expensive places they will know you're rich and you'll be more likely to attract gold diggers.
You haven’t been to New York City lately.... there are no more cheap places.....
Even Chipotle , Panera bread and KFC can be expensive in Manhattan..."
So make a picnic , get to know them on a real level before you add the tadaa of posh nosh. |
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"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me?"
Was she in hawaii by any chance?   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dating some one who is fiercely independent is troublesome too. One may have more than the other and it's frustrating when you cannot do something together because the one with less won't allow the one with more to make up the shortfall so you both lose out. "
This is a problem, I would love to have.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yeah, we should all take responsibility for the relationships we find ourselves in. Why wouldn't you, it's not all the other persons responsibility if it's bad or good?
If anybody finds themselves in serial poor relationships there's a common denominator. Enabling certain types of behaviour in other people can be unhealthy
I really respect you guys.... I swear you have common sense and post consistently....
The post was really created for a female friend of mine.. I didn’t use her story.. because being a woman needing honest opinions on the forums is like asking a politician to tell the truth...
Quick backstory...a good female friend of mine came over tonight to tell me I was so right about her last boyfriend... This is strictly a non sexual friend, that only comes around when she has a problem... When times are great in her life you never hear from her... everyone has those kind of friends....
Now it did feel great to tell her I told you so... but realizing we just drank 3 bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2000.. I’m really pissed off..
She met some guy from Hawaii last year on holidays in Hawaii... She comes back head over heels for this Hawaiian guy... after 6 months she is ready to move to Hawaii and start a life...
I pleaded with her to stay in NYC .. telling her any great guy isn’t going to be chasing a woman half way around the world.. he would meet someone local.....HE is a fraud..
She tells me no way... when you know, you just know.. she is going to follow her heart because he is the one....
She sells everything, gives me her dog , and moves to Hawaii....
She has just come back to NYC telling me about how this guy was manipulating, narcissistic, and mentally abusive... she used the term gaslighting....
I told her 2 things.... I told you so , and you need to change the way you pick guys... she always goes for the long haired Thor looking types....
What advice would you give in this situation?
Would it be the same as you have given me?
Was she in hawaii by any chance? "
I’m starting to like you......
No she is back in NYC full time.... now that I sobered up... I’m noticing a trend with her...
She is 34-35 and always dates younger men... then when the relationship goes bad , she blames them...
She is brilliant and very attractive... so I can’t see how she is always being manipulated and always the victim... |
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