FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Bdsm or not

Bdsm or not

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Who really enjoys bdsm kinky things

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love it. I’m a middle and trying to find my Dom

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never ventured into it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hmmm. Oh I am not sure... hmmm..

Mistress Amelia x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It can be very enjoyable. But hard to find someone who hasn't just read 50 shades and thinks they are a sub or a dom.

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By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

Definitely. I’m sure most people dip into it without realising it.

Blindfolds, spanking, kinks, fetishes, etc. It’s about exploring and finding out what you like.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like dabbling.. but only with people I trust and who trust me.

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By *eriousGuyABCMan over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish

Absolutely, although it's not proving very popular on here for me, I've had some really negative messages

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

*raises hand*

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yep... hard to find fellow Kinksters on here though...

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By *tephTV67TV/TS over a year ago

Cheshire

I’ve had a few experiences, so yes to BDSM

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hmmmm princess loves it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A yes from me to BDSM as well like to play from time to time but again depends on your play partner and what your both comfortable with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes, I love it with my mr x

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By *isaB45Woman over a year ago

Fabville

Yep

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By *horehouseprincessWoman over a year ago

small town near Munich

Yes please

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It can be very enjoyable. But hard to find someone who hasn't just read 50 shades and thinks they are a sub or a dom."

Beat me to it! Totally this comment

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I like dabbling.. but only with people I trust and who trust me."

See you in the rope aisle at B&Q

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By * Lexi xWoman over a year ago

stockport

"I love it. I’m a middle and trying to find my Dom"

Me too! It’s hard to find the right one don’t you think? X

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By *he_virgin_maryWoman over a year ago

Here, there and everywhere!

Yes please!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Most definitely!

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By *erby DomCouple over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

We love it, sub'r' is a 24/7 collared submissive and we love the BDSM lifestyle and enjoy demonstrating aspects of it in clubs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are a D/s couple and love the BDSM aspect of our relationship. Play for us can be sensual and lead to amazing sex or a great stress relief for the Boss after a hard day.

We love playing at clubs some swingers love watching us but it’s also fun scaring the crap out of others

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By *ister KinkyMan over a year ago

Sussex

Hell yes, very much so

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By *rShinyKnickersMan over a year ago

BARRY

I've ben known to...."dabble"..

OK..a little more than dabble...

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By *tevie1Man over a year ago

Middlesbrough

I love it but finding a new domme is proving somewhat almost impossible

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By *r.BlondeMan over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

Not times infinity.

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By *evensnipeMan over a year ago

Dinbych

Been into BDSM as a Dom for 40 years. My late wife was my sub for 17 years. It was a full on 24/7 TPE relationship. Currently occasionally play with a fem sub from another site. It's wonderful!!!

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It features as part of my sexuality yes, and is a subject I find absolutely fascinating from no end of perspectives, not only in practice but theory too - always enjoy good interesting discussion on the subject as well, especially if it helps educate those that have maybe read *those* books or seen the porn version of BDSM and think that's what it is about, which couldn't be further from the truth.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've enjoyed it in the past, but never succeeded in finding someone to engage with regularly.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman over a year ago

all loved up

I do enjoy it x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can’t get enough! Dont get enough in fairness lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok I am glad the people into it enjoy it I find it very strange when people know you are dom they think that’s all you are into and I think that’s wrong a lot of people judge from the term dom

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

I love allsorts but it's not something i would do NSA.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not sure what counts as it wheres the border?

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By *iSTARessWoman over a year ago

London

I've dabbled

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By *iker babe 777Couple over a year ago

Plymouth

We dabble - I think we are a lot more kinky than we realise - under bed harness - spreader bars - teasers -spank paddles -clamps - just brought some silken bondage ropes .......etc and we re only just dabbling lol

It all started with a blindfold

hahah

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve dabbled and would like to explore more. Need to put a few of my toys and equipment to use.

I would love to learn more about shibari, I love the art to it and how beautiful it looks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mmmmmeeeeeeee

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"Absolutely, although it's not proving very popular on here for me, I've had some really negative messages

I totally dislike judgemental people. What gives them the right to be negative it's your sexually you own. If they haven't got anything nice to say why do they message!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's amazing! I always incorporate it in my play times x

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"I’ve dabbled and would like to explore more. Need to put a few of my toys and equipment to use.

I would love to learn more about shibari, I love the art to it and how beautiful it looks. "

Curious, will google this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve dabbled and would like to explore more. Need to put a few of my toys and equipment to use.

I would love to learn more about shibari, I love the art to it and how beautiful it looks.

Curious, will google this"

Japanese rope tying

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Find B/d great fun. D/s can be very intense. S/m leaves me cold.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"I’ve dabbled and would like to explore more. Need to put a few of my toys and equipment to use.

I would love to learn more about shibari, I love the art to it and how beautiful it looks.

Curious, will google this

Japanese rope tying "

Oh ok ..thanks

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I love allsorts but it's not something i would do NSA."

That's a very good point - for me to give my submission there has to be something more than just the connection and chemistry I look for in a swinging sense, not sure it's "strings attached" as such but it's definitely more than just NSA - for starters I have to "feel" submissive to the person concerned and that feeling comes from deep within and is a sense of mind as much as anything.

It's very rare I've truly felt that with someone as well.

That said I can indulge in kink play in an NSA way without there necessarily being a D/s angle.

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

"I love allsorts but it's not something i would do NSA.

It's very rare I've truly felt that with someone as well.

That said I can indulge in kink play in an NSA way without there necessarily being a D/s angle."

Totally doesn't have to have strings attached at all but unless i've communicated with the person a lot i have no idea what they're really into and whether we are compatible.

Some stuff i can do NSA like foot stuff and collar/leads, 3sums, some mild things. But mostly i can't.

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By *gcw2014Couple over a year ago

just outside of liverpool

Chris enjoys it especially in a sub role but not many women around here into dominating males in a non professional manner. plenty of sub females so may have to switch

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By *urls and DressesWoman over a year ago

Somewhere near here

Having met a mr grey wannabe and was pretty much a vile bully I’ve completely gone off it. I tried again since but I just couldn’t, I cried.

For now, not for me.

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By *gcw2014Couple over a year ago

just outside of liverpool

"Having met a mr grey wannabe and was pretty much a vile bully I’ve completely gone off it. I tried again since but I just couldn’t, I cried.

For now, not for me."
some really do spoil it for others

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Absolutely do and that’s where I am getting to on my previous post of people judging you

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By *rShinyKnickersMan over a year ago

BARRY

Damn right. 50 Shades of Shite - and it's wannabe "kinksters" has done a wonderful job of really messing up what people think BDSM really is.

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By *ensualgent38Man over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

Love it. The intensity. The excitement of exploring and pushing boundaries.

I’ve been privileged to have two amazing dom relationships and would love to find a new sub.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We LOVE it....especially when being a naughty girl and needing a few reminders...

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Damn right. 50 Shades of Shite - and it's wannabe "kinksters" has done a wonderful job of really messing up what people think BDSM really is. "

To be fair it's been happening a lot longer than *those* books - yes they bought BDSM more mainstream but "wannabe kinksters" have been around a lot longer than that - certainly since the dawn of the internet and ready accessibility to BDSM porn (which tends to reflect the "whips and chains" angle to the max) if not longer than that

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By *rShinyKnickersMan over a year ago

BARRY

"Damn right. 50 Shades of Shite - and it's wannabe "kinksters" has done a wonderful job of really messing up what people think BDSM really is.

You have a point...just don't go mentioning "furry bloody handcuffs". But on a more serious note, there are many people who think that being abusive IS BDSM...and that's a HUGE danger.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nope

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Damn right. 50 Shades of Shite - and it's wannabe "kinksters" has done a wonderful job of really messing up what people think BDSM really is.

You have a point...just don't go mentioning "furry bloody handcuffs". But on a more serious note, there are many people who think that being abusive IS BDSM...and that's a HUGE danger."

Absolutely it is, which is why my advice to anyone asking about BDSM is always to be aware of what they think it means to them both in terms of domination and submission, to read as much as they can on the subject, and then read some more, and be aware of the dangers including those that see it as a means to their own end not a mutually rewarding thing.

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By *inn2000Woman over a year ago

belfast

I am loving learning about Shibari although very very new to it. Just love the aesthetics of the photos.

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By *abrielle247Couple (FF) over a year ago

PDI Gran Canaria

Yes we like to indulge, but nothing too painful.

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By *seusbothCouple over a year ago

Leeds

Love to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

BDSM has/is a much deeper connection both mentally and physically.

Swinging was once an enjoyment & "thrill seeking" that was until I ventured into BDSM which is mind-blowing and much much more satisfying and takes you to hights of the unknown in every way.

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By *erby DomCouple over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

"BDSM has/is a much deeper connection both mentally and physically.

Swinging was once an enjoyment & "thrill seeking" that was until I ventured into BDSM which is mind-blowing and much much more satisfying and takes you to hights of the unknown in every way.

This

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By *ky19Man over a year ago

Plymouth OYO Hotel

No. Blindfolds, spanking and stuff really ain't my thing, but I get accused of it sometimes - can't think why lol

Only thing I really like are gags but only with tape, I think it's because I have a kink for mouths in general. I'm also turned on by chains but that's about as far as it goes.

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By *itty9899Man over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Definitely. I’m sure most people dip into it without realising it.

Blindfolds, spanking, kinks, fetishes, etc. It’s about exploring and finding out what you like. "

I wouldn't class myself as a Dom but I do like a bit of bondage, spanking, and the odd kinky game.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do enjoy it. I prefer sensual, sensory deprivation play, rather than the pain element

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would love to find someone who would like me to use my toy's on them and get into this more would like to learn rope play

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Love it love being submissive and having a dom

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By *eavenNhellCouple over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

"I like dabbling.. but only with people I trust and who trust me.

See you in the rope aisle at B&Q

"
ah Bondage Qautermasters so many posibilitys with a little imagination

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Damn right. 50 Shades of Shite - and it's wannabe "kinksters" has done a wonderful job of really messing up what people think BDSM really is.

You have a point...just don't go mentioning "furry bloody handcuffs". But on a more serious note, there are many people who think that being abusive IS BDSM...and that's a HUGE danger."

I can second that, judging by the messages in my mailbox lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh yes!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ohhh yes please!

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By *iveshowcouple2Couple over a year ago

Manchester

For us there is a big crossover. Had my very sub wife perform a live bareback sex show with a bbc friend a while back. She had her bare ass paddled, she was put in a blindfold and her hands were bound. The audience were invited close enough to touch and finger her.

At one point to allow the exhuasted guys to catch a breath we left her tied naked to a cross still wearing her blindfold and let anyone interested grope her.

It seemed to be a wildly appreciated performance in a swingers club but probably more bdsm tham conventional swinging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hell yeah to BDSM

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By *eavenNhellCouple over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

"Damn right. 50 Shades of Shite - and it's wannabe "kinksters" has done a wonderful job of really messing up what people think BDSM really is.

You have a point...just don't go mentioning "furry bloody handcuffs". But on a more serious note, there are many people who think that being abusive IS BDSM...and that's a HUGE danger.

I can second that, judging by the messages in my mailbox lol"
we can attest to the mass influx if dim-doms due to that book also just as bad the influx of slutty -subs to the scene expecting to find thier mr grey and treating it as a hand book now happily starting to tale off saddly there are just as many abusive charecters and predators pf both sexes on the scene both before and after that book as they seem to think they will have easy pickings

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Think with some people it’s more of someone dominating that turns them on more and then when it comes to the actual play they back out in some circumstances.

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By *mstillere2Man over a year ago

middleport

Fetlife is better for some kinkster fun but I've noticed more getting on here over time.

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By *i KinkyThorntonCouple over a year ago

THORNTON-CLEVELEYS

"I’ve had a few experiences, so yes to BDSM

a few experiences haha i seem to rember you are quite handy with the flogger haha

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By *ensualgent38Man over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

"I love it. I’m a middle and trying to find my Dom"

Tried to search the Kik group you mention in your profile but can’t seem to find it. Would love to join a good Kik group for doms and subs.

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By *gcw2014Couple over a year ago

just outside of liverpool

seems to more male doms and submissive females on here. Chris is submissive outside our relationship but not many domme women local to us for him to explore further. whilst Tracey isn't really into it she doesn't object and doesn't mind watching and would happily play with the domme if the domme were also bi

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Very much as a Dom. Would like to get more into it with a sub

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By *odernIdiotMan over a year ago

Somewhere Rural

I've dabbled in the past, and probably would again.

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By *ad123Man over a year ago

ayr Scotland

Have been in and out off BDSM not even ones cup of tea but if you find the right person it's fun .just finding that person is the hard bit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Very interested in it but never really dabbled and almost always kept it bottled up. I recently met someone interested in it so hopefully this is my chance to explore.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"seems to more male doms and submissive females on here. Chris is submissive outside our relationship but not many domme women local to us for him to explore further. whilst Tracey isn't really into it she doesn't object and doesn't mind watching and would happily play with the domme if the domme were also bi

That's pretty typical of the BDSM community though, Domme women looking for male subs are the unicorns of the BDSM world, whereas, like single males on Fab, males who call themselves Doms are ten a penny.

There *are* Dommes out there, but like single women on here, can afford to be very picky.

What doesn't help of course is the misconceptions of many, on both sides of the coin, about what BDSM actually means to them, and the lack of understanding of how the dynamic should work. Both domination and submission are so much more than telling someone/being told what to do and dishing out/receiving "punishments" - so any decent Domme will look for subs who have thought about and truly understand their submission, rather than someone who has seen a bit of BDSM porn and thinks it's for them.

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By *eavenNhellCouple over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

There *are* Dommes out there, but like single women on here, can afford to be very picky.

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By *osmosgirlWoman over a year ago

Wetherby

I adore impact play, sensory deprivation and other kinky play. It's very rare to find someone I wish to give the gift of my submission to though.

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By *etite HandfulWoman over a year ago

Chester

It can be fun but only with someone you trust and not a wannabee who dosn't know what they are doing.

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By *osmosgirlWoman over a year ago

Wetherby

"It can be fun but only with someone you trust and not a wannabee who dosn't know what they are doing. "

I agree but those types are quite easy to spot.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes but only with those who enjoy it themselves

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By *enny58transTV/TS over a year ago

wigan

BDSM yes with right person I'm mainly enjoy taking but enjoy switching

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

I think I have been fairly consistent in my view of BDSM, but have recently left the scene (although I still do rope) and fet life whilst I reappraised my thoughts on the scene.

I am coming to the view (that contrary to the position I used to hold and that previous position is put forward by some on here): a) the scene consists of far more sexual play than people like to admit (as mentioned in some of the posts) and b) far more humiliation and pain is enjoyed and or endured by subs than is admitted (I will come back to this).

I would suggest a) and b) occurs firstly to the large amount of pick up play that occurs.

Secondly because the scene was derived from pick up play, but also from the works of the Marquis De Sade through to the Story of O, the old American "House of Milan" films, the bondage books and magazines available prior to the internet (which people forget about); through to the earliest forms of rope play, the role of the sub was to ...submit and or suffer.

I would suggest that it is only over the last 20 to 30 years with women as subs taking more of a control of their destinies and bodies that people have been reinterpreting BDSM to be a caring sharing relationship. I think people discribe it a caring sharing relationship as it is their genuine view but it has also become a bad political correctness. Good political corrctness is about treating groups how they would like to be treated taking into account that some people may want to be treated differently from the mass and this group with an alternative view are not mad or bad. An example would be the arguments amongst feminists versus bdsm feminists.

So to round up,I am reaching the position where I think that:a) the people who criticise 50SOGA are actually the purist minority; b)for the majority of subs and doms, sex and pain is an intrinsic part of BDSM (which can lead to subs dropping out of the scene).

Three years ago there was a similar "caring sharing" comments in a BDSM thread and a female sub contributor stated BDSM is not about pain sex and humiliation. I had to point it to her two weeks earlier I had double dommed her in a club, where she was naked in public, chained and we had applied various impact items to her and then we went off and had sex.

So although I believe in "caring sharing" relations I am tending to to the words of Robbie Burns

"O would some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us."

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I think I have been fairly consistent in my view of BDSM, but have recently left the scene (although I still do rope) and fet life whilst I reappraised my thoughts on the scene.

I would suggest a) and b) occurs firstly to the large amount of pick up play that occurs.

So although I believe in "caring sharing" relations I am tending to to the words of Robbie Burns

"O would some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us.""

An interesting and thought provoking post as ever _ensual - as I often say I don't personally think there is any "right" way to BDSM other than the way agreed between two (or more) *informed and consenting* people who enter into a D/s relationship, be it a fleeting one in a club, or something more permanent - for some that might mean pain, humiliation and a whole lot more, for some that might mean purely sex controlled by the dominant partner, and yes for some it may be inspired by 50SOG and there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those scenarios, or the myriad others that are unique to each individual relationship, with the following provisos - that they are agreed by all concerned, and are done from a position of informed consent by all concerned, and are considered safe, sane and legal.

If none of those things exist, then the potential for abuse and trauma is high.

Yes there are elements that are key to all, and those include duty of care/after care, which should be promoted but the specifics of each D/s relationship are unique to the individuals concerned.

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By *ithardscotMan over a year ago

Kelty

Me!!

Love bondage and roleplay.

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By *plpxp2Couple over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Always had a kink for restraints and blindfolds. Explored with a very experienced guy a few years ago and had lots of new experiences. As others have said the trick is finding someone who is skilled.

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By *ensualgent38Man over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

"Always had a kink for restraints and blindfolds. Explored with a very experienced guy a few years ago and had lots of new experiences. As others have said the trick is finding someone who is skilled."

At your service.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes we enjoy it.

Not hardened BDSMers but have plenty of fun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m going to go against the grain...nope never been into it...just good horny sex for me please

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By *ensualgent38Man over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

"I’m going to go against the grain...nope never been into it...just good horny sex for me please

Each to their own. I’m lucky to enjoy slow soft sensual play as much as kinky dom/sub games. For me it’s all about finding the right connection with the right partner. Then the sparks can fly in all sorts of different scenarios

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Just plain sex can be boring sometimes don’t you think

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By *eriousGuyABCMan over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish

"Absolutely, although it's not proving very popular on here for me, I've had some really negative messages

I totally dislike judgemental people. What gives them the right to be negative it's your sexually you own. If they haven't got anything nice to say why do they message!"

Unfortunately that's the way a lot of sites are, if you don't follow the herd then you're fair game. People are scared of stuff they know nothing about.

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By *eriousGuyABCMan over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish

"Not, in my life experiences it's pretty much reserved for weirdos."

Exactly - proves my point entirely !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My entire life...

It's been hard finding sane and experienced equals with multiple matches though. I could count them on two hands, and that's via my global network!

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I think I have been fairly consistent in my view of BDSM, but have recently left the scene (although I still do rope) and fet life whilst I reappraised my thoughts on the scene.

I would suggest a) and b) occurs firstly to the large amount of pick up play that occurs.

So although I believe in "caring sharing" relations I am tending to to the words of Robbie Burns

"O would some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us."

If none of those things exist, then the potential for abuse and trauma is high.

Yes there are elements that are key to all, and those include duty of care/after care, which should be promoted but the specifics of each D/s relationship are unique to the individuals concerned."

Thank you for your usual insightful and reasoned response.

I suppose as a person who was purist and seperated sex from kink, and generally assumed most male doms were reasonable. I have been stunned to hear of the amount of what I would consider to be non consensual abuse in the scene,or sheer lack of empathy. [As a seperate issue and as mentioned previously in this thread male subs also have a very difficult time.]

So I agree with you that:a) consent which is understood in an empathic way by the dom is required; and b) people do their BDSM differently.

I think dim doms are not the problem as sensible subs will say 'thanks but no thanks" when contacted.

I think intelligent charasmatic/personable alphas i.e the stereotype dom or the trendy word is "narcissists"may be a bigger issue.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Not, in my life experiences it's pretty much reserved for weirdos.

Exactly - proves my point entirely !"

It does, but that's lack of understanding, or being open to understanding, or at the very least accepting that others have different interests, for you - BDSM is a much misunderstood subject by many who don't "get" it and are closed minded to it, same as any other brand of sexuality really.

They either see it as abuse, or hear of one bad case that was abusive and tar the whole community with the same brush - not a great deal you can do about it if people aren't open minded enough to listen and learn from those that do understand the dynamic - so not a great deal of point in trying - it'll only go round in circles and go nowhere fast

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By *astpoetMan over a year ago

where the world takes me

I'm a big fan of it, but not the pain part. I am naturally sub by nature (in the bedroom) and love surrendering control to a partner.

That said it takes trust and has to be with someone who understands it and doesn't just think it's what they've seen in films (or porn videos).

I've been fortunate enough to be "trained" by a couple of dommes on different occasions and both were very different, in fact that only similarity really was the psychological aspect, but since i believe that the sexiest part of a person is the brain it's not a huge surprise as to why it's my kink

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think dim doms are not the problem as sensible subs will say 'thanks but no thanks" when contacted.

I think intelligent charasmatic/personable alphas i.e the stereotype dom or the trendy word is "narcissists"may be a bigger issue.

I actually think where problems occur, they exist on both sides of the spectrum, there *are* plenty of dim doms, who see BDSM porn, or read one of *those* books, or simply hear about BDSM in the media etc, and mistakenly think it's a case of picking up a crop and telling a submissive what to do, or worse - that's one element that leads to abuse.

Then on the flip side you have people that *think* they are submissive from having heard about it in similar ways and who take steps to explore without really understanding the dynamic - and that is just as dangerous as a Dom/me who doesn't understand it - sadly the two then end up together, or worse still the unknowledgable submissive gets preyed on by an experienced yet abusive dominant who fills their head with falsehoods and phrases like "If you're a true sub you would do this".

That of course not the way it is for the majority in the community who are an extremely knowledgeable and caring group of people - but just as with swinging a few bad apples can give the whole barrel a bad name in some quarters.

It again comes back to what I was saying earlier about the importance of people making sure they are informed, and understand exactly what both domination and submission mean to them, so they are able to give their consent from a position of knowledge and understanding.

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By *eriousGuyABCMan over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish

"Not, in my life experiences it's pretty much reserved for weirdos.

Exactly - proves my point entirely !

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By *astpoetMan over a year ago

where the world takes me

I think dim doms are not the problem as sensible subs will say 'thanks but no thanks" when contacted.

I think intelligent charasmatic/personable alphas i.e the stereotype dom or the trendy word is "narcissists"may be a bigger issue.

A lot of people think being sub is about being powerless but a sub is incredibly powerful, by releasing control and offering adoration to their domme they're filling the desire for that person.

The dynamic is something so many people forget, and there's nothing nicer in BDSM for me than simply laying on a Dommes lap with her stroking my head as i've pleased her so much.

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

I think dim doms are not the problem as sensible subs will say 'thanks but no thanks" when contacted.

I think intelligent charasmatic/personable alphas i.e the stereotype dom or the trendy word is "narcissists"may be a bigger issue.

"It again comes back to what I was saying earlier about the importance of people making sure they are informed, and understand exactly what both domination and submission mean to them, so they are able to give their consent from a position of knowledge and understanding."

I agree

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

I think dim doms are not the problem as sensible subs will say 'thanks but no thanks" when contacted.

I think intelligent charasmatic/personable alphas i.e the stereotype dom or the trendy word is "narcissists"may be a bigger issue.

A lot of people think being sub is about being powerless but a sub is incredibly powerful, by releasing control and offering adoration to their domme they're filling the desire for that person.

The dynamic is something so many people forget, and there's nothing nicer in BDSM for me than simply laying on a Dommes lap with her stroking my head as i've pleased her so much."

I think a lot of people from the outside don't realise how much pleasure a submissive gets from the right relationship and dynamic, where their sub mission is recognised and appreciated.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think dim doms are not the problem as sensible subs will say 'thanks but no thanks" when contacted.

I think intelligent charasmatic/personable alphas i.e the stereotype dom or the trendy word is "narcissists"may be a bigger issue.

A lot of people think being sub is about being powerless but a sub is incredibly powerful, by releasing control and offering adoration to their domme they're filling the desire for that person.

The dynamic is something so many people forget, and there's nothing nicer in BDSM for me than simply laying on a Dommes lap with her stroking my head as i've pleased her so much.

I think a lot of people from the outside don't realise how much pleasure a submissive gets from the right relationship and dynamic, where their sub mission is recognised and appreciated. "

Yep it's often thought a D/s relationship is inequal and whilst in some of the worst case scenarios it can be, it's usually a lot more finely balanced than that with neither dominant nor submissive holding *all* the power - one very much complements the other and they both hold the power equally.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

We were really encouraged by vastly more experienced people in the scene when we attended Manchester Munches for the first time years ago. People we still consider as great friends. This site is not primarily for BDSM lovers so there is always going to be people who do not understand it or don’t want to know.

It’s such a shame that IC website closed down as it was full of friendly kinksters of all shapes and sizes and degrees of experience encouraging those who wanted help with plenty of advice. Fet website is no where near as good as a community resource but it has loads of locals, lots of groups and information about things going on locally, such as rope workshops, Munches and club nights.

I’d encourage anyone interested to visit a munch and take it as it comes. Take no notice of the tossers telling you that you are doing it all wrong because to dare to admit you actually liked 50 Shades.

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By *addyLilGirlCouple over a year ago

lancashire

What just_kinky said

Never stop learning, exploring and playing. We're new to kink but we love our play...so thrilled to have our love and the dynamic. Kik has some good Bdsm community though (and yes i know lots on here hate it lol)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If only there was some good resources people would have a better understanding of the actual concept of a d/s

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By *addyLilGirlCouple over a year ago

lancashire

"If only there was some good resources people would have a better understanding of the actual concept of a d/s"

Sent you a huge resource in private

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By *addyLilGirlCouple over a year ago

lancashire

Not a pic of my cock btw

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By *abrielle247Couple (FF) over a year ago

PDI Gran Canaria

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

Agreed, it's as more to do with the mind as opposed to the body sometimes.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

I don't think anyone has been judgemental or looked down their nose at anyone who has a genuine interest in BDSM and wants to learn about it, or take it seriously - sadly though there *are* those who say they're Doms who do have totally the wrong idea about BDSM and aren't open to learning about it from others, and who *do* end up abusing others and I'm sure you'll agree people like that are cause for concern, and it's people like that who are referred to as 'dim doms', not only here but in the BDSM community as a whole.

Whilst I agree that Fab is not a BDSM site and the majority of people aren't into that side of things, nor do they understand or want to understand it, when people make disparaging remarks about it from a position of not understanding it, then It's only natural that people will defend the lifestyle or try to educate, but again if people refuse to listen and continue to be opinionated, as I said further up, there's not a lot you can do.

Couldn't agree more about munches though and is always something I suggest when people ask for advice about the lifestyle - likewise IC - remember it from 20 years ago when it was a great resource, shame it's no more.

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

I was very much of the same opinion in regard to the phrase 'dim dom". But it was on a thread like this that a number of women explained that they use the phrase in regard to the complete strangers who send them messages saying such things as "I am a dom you will obey me", " I am master X and you will do sexual services for me". As mind boggling as it is women identifying as subs get these messages.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

Yes I can certainly see the term Dim Dom being used in that context or just Knobhead would be more appropriate.

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

Yes I can certainly see the term Dim Dom being used in that context or just Knobhead would be more appropriate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This is the huge problem why men like that actually give the dom term a very bad name it’s absolutely outrageous to hear that men actually behave in that manner

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

Believe me that is nothing compared to the non consensual physical acts that occur, not to mental abuse.

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By *issyfaggotfayeTV/TS over a year ago

Bolton

The feeling of being restrained and at the mercy of one person is addictive.

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By *ovegames42Man over a year ago

london

Oh yes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh yes, had the best adventures in this world

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I know a lot of people struggle when they face a unpleasant tittle

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By *heIcebreakersCouple over a year ago

Cramlington

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

"
How do you stay safe if you don't make judgements?

Dim doms is handy shorthand for those who don't understand consent, or who think it's reasonable to open convos with crap like 'On your knees bitch...'

The debate about 50 Shades is hardly a debate at all - Grey is an abuser and a stalker created by an author who was happy to write him as such. That may be other people's cup of tea, but not mine.

Mr icebreaker

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

How do you stay safe if you don't make judgements?

Dim doms is handy shorthand for those who don't understand consent, or who think it's reasonable to open convos with crap like 'On your knees bitch...'

The debate about 50 Shades is hardly a debate at all - Grey is an abuser and a stalker created by an author who was happy to write him as such. That may be other people's cup of tea, but not mine.

Mr icebreaker"

Criticising 50SOG is like criticising Harry Potter for not being an accurate portrayal of wizardry, or Andy McNabb for not being accurate about the SAS.

The people I know who have read all three books differ from the view put forward by some in the community. But why listen to those who have read all three the books if goes against common opinion.

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By *heIcebreakersCouple over a year ago

Cramlington

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

How do you stay safe if you don't make judgements?

Dim doms is handy shorthand for those who don't understand consent, or who think it's reasonable to open convos with crap like 'On your knees bitch...'

The debate about 50 Shades is hardly a debate at all - Grey is an abuser and a stalker created by an author who was happy to write him as such. That may be other people's cup of tea, but not mine.

Mr icebreaker

Criticising 50SOG is like criticising Harry Potter for not being an accurate portrayal of wizardry, or Andy McNabb for not being accurate about the SAS.

The people I know who have read all three books differ from the view put forward by some in the community. But why listen to those who have read all three the books if goes against common opinion."
I've read all three books. What, exactly, is your point? I am not in any community; I just know that these books portray an abusive stalker, and, as is often the case, suggest that the desire to be a sadist, stalker and abuser are indivisible and somehow related to childhood trauma. Forgive me, but, as an experienced sadist who's also a survivor of CSA, I think that's tacky, shallow, cheap and evidence mainly that E l James hasn't got a fucking clue.

Mr Icebreaker.

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

How do you stay safe if you don't make judgements?

Dim doms is handy shorthand for those who don't understand consent, or who think it's reasonable to open convos with crap like 'On your knees bitch...'

The debate about 50 Shades is hardly a debate at all - Grey is an abuser and a stalker created by an author who was happy to write him as such. That may be other people's cup of tea, but not mine.

Mr icebreaker

Criticising 50SOG is like criticising Harry Potter for not being an accurate portrayal of wizardry, or Andy McNabb for not being accurate about the SAS.

The people I know who have read all three books differ from the view put forward by some in the community. But why listen to those who have read all three the books if goes against common opinion.I've read all three books. What, exactly, is your point? I am not in any community; I just know that these books portray an abusive stalker, and, as is often the case, suggest that the desire to be a sadist, stalker and abuser are indivisible and somehow related to childhood trauma. Forgive me, but, as an experienced sadist who's also a survivor of CSA, I think that's tacky, shallow, cheap and evidence mainly that E l James hasn't got a fucking clue.

Mr Icebreaker. "

With all due repect you appear to have missed my point. Also people are entitled to have their own opinions of novels.

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By *heIcebreakersCouple over a year ago

Cramlington

"I think all the judgemental people calling others Dim Doms and looking down their noses really put people off giving it a try.

How do you stay safe if you don't make judgements?

Dim doms is handy shorthand for those who don't understand consent, or who think it's reasonable to open convos with crap like 'On your knees bitch...'

The debate about 50 Shades is hardly a debate at all - Grey is an abuser and a stalker created by an author who was happy to write him as such. That may be other people's cup of tea, but not mine.

Mr icebreaker

Criticising 50SOG is like criticising Harry Potter for not being an accurate portrayal of wizardry, or Andy McNabb for not being accurate about the SAS.

The people I know who have read all three books differ from the view put forward by some in the community. But why listen to those who have read all three the books if goes against common opinion.I've read all three books. What, exactly, is your point? I am not in any community; I just know that these books portray an abusive stalker, and, as is often the case, suggest that the desire to be a sadist, stalker and abuser are indivisible and somehow related to childhood trauma. Forgive me, but, as an experienced sadist who's also a survivor of CSA, I think that's tacky, shallow, cheap and evidence mainly that E l James hasn't got a fucking clue.

Mr Icebreaker.

With all due repect you appear to have missed my point. Also people are entitled to have their own opinions of novels."
I may have missed your point, or it may be that, despite carefully reading what you have written, I haven't a clue what your point is.

Of course people are entitled to have their own view of novels.However, it is hard to equate what happens in FSOG with informed consent, and if you think you can, you shouldn't be surprised if you get called out on it.

Mr Icebreaker

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

[Removed by poster at 09/03/19 23:29:38]

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

"[Removed by poster at 09/03/19 23:29:38]"

I think the fact that you are getting personal, really shows more about you. If you read any of my posts my position on consent is clear.

By the arrogance and aggression shown in your last posts, I am sure you will be called out before me

However this is hijacking a thread and there seems no point in continuing this feud you want to have me as I am sure we can spend the a whole lot of time insulting each other.

Therefore we can be adults and enter into a civil debate or leave this disagreement as it lies and move on whilst having a low opinion of other. In my view the latter is the more civilised behaviour.

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By *r.BlondeMan over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

[Removed by poster at 09/03/19 23:34:18]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love it. I enjoy 'vanilla' sex too, but from a dating standpoint I would want some kind of power exchange dynamic or I wouldn't really be interested.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Korbyzki, quotes in one of his books, there is a map of a wood, two lovers walk in. Would it be different if a lumberjack walked in, or a bird watcher.

It is the same map... different perspective.

To me, and this is just me, this is where the site goes wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I love it. I enjoy 'vanilla' sex too, but from a dating standpoint I would want some kind of power exchange dynamic or I wouldn't really be interested.

It’s not a power it’s not a game

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Where did I say it was a game?

"Power exchange" is a common term for dom/sub relationships.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I love it. I enjoy 'vanilla' sex too, but from a dating standpoint I would want some kind of power exchange dynamic or I wouldn't really be interested.

It’s not a power it’s not a game "

Disagree, it’s a dance, who leads and who submits to control?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I love it. I enjoy 'vanilla' sex too, but from a dating standpoint I would want some kind of power exchange dynamic or I wouldn't really be interested.

It’s not a power it’s not a game "

You need to get a grip ffs lol

It’s whatever individual people want it to be. Just because it doesn’t conform to your understanding doesn’t mean it isn’t right for them.

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By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

I’ve not read 50 shades or seen the films. I have read the Story of O.

On here it’s difficult to find a Dom/Domme although I did sub to a Dom for over a year on a regular basis and used to do demos in a dungeon with a Domme for a while.

I’d love to find another Dom but I’m a bratty sub so I’m rather fussy. I’m sure one will turn up eventually.

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

I like a dabble

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By *rDionysusMan over a year ago

Leeds

I enjoy it too... I love the intensity it delivers and as a switch... get the best of both worlds!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

ME!

Dom here, btw.

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple over a year ago

luton

Reminds me of another well know BDSM site, the bloody arguments and self proclaimed experts on the subject was ridiculous, always causes arguments lol

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By *abrielle247Couple (FF) over a year ago

PDI Gran Canaria

"Reminds me of another well know BDSM site, the bloody arguments and self proclaimed experts on the subject was ridiculous, always causes arguments lol"

Can't argue with you there.

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By *otlipsandSirCouple over a year ago

Manchester

We enjoy the whole fetish scene including light BDSM .

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple over a year ago

luton

"Reminds me of another well know BDSM site, the bloody arguments and self proclaimed experts on the subject was ridiculous, always causes arguments lol

Can't argue with you there.

Thank you xxx

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By *andy cane321Couple over a year ago

Aylesbury

We love to play around with a little light hearted BDSM, wr certainly dont take it too seriously but enjoy when we like

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By *lueMACMan over a year ago

Derby

I'm just discovering bdsm as a sub and love being blindfolded so as it is all new I have no idea what is going on and my god it is a turn on!

Means meeting a new femdom is such an adventure

))

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tried it, loved it and discovered my sub side

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We love our BDSM sessions

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Love and live it as much as I can

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By *estiswestMan over a year ago

glasgow

Very much so

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Who really enjoys bdsm kinky things "

Me, a lot. I am a femdom who likes nothing more than to punish a willing subby

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By *omvampmMan over a year ago

gillingham

"I love it. I enjoy 'vanilla' sex too, but from a dating standpoint I would want some kind of power exchange dynamic or I wouldn't really be interested.

It’s not a power it’s not a game

You need to get a grip ffs lol

It’s whatever individual people want it to be. Just because it doesn’t conform to your understanding doesn’t mean it isn’t right for them.

I agree it's what works for the individuals involved it's the bones of what a dom and sub are about finding what really works for both and exploring it together

As far as original forum text yes I do like a lil with the rite people

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By *ood girl2010Couple over a year ago

crewe

love it yes yes the thought of some one controlling me turns me on

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By *omvampmMan over a year ago

gillingham

"love it yes yes the thought of some one controlling me turns me on"

Shame your so far away

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Would people be interested in a social for this type of event

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/03/19 08:00:54]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Would people be interested in a social for this type of event "

There are lots of local socials for anyone interested in kink. Known as munches , often advertised through Fetlife.

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By *igwilly2kMan over a year ago

The Land of Kink!

Yes, I switch! 95% Dom but there is a small bit of me that wants to switch and be Used Abused and Humiliated for other people's Pleasure!

Any offers!?

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By *r and Mrs300Couple over a year ago

London sw3

yes we enjoy it xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

yes pleaseeeeeeeeeeee

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes, it's fantastic when you can get into bdsm and the more kinkier, filthier type of activities with people on the same wavelength as you or explore things you haven't done before with more experienced people who have and vice versa.

For me it's not something I need or want to do in every encounter by any means but with the right people it can be amazing.

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By *xperimental Couple69Couple over a year ago

Northern

"*raises hand*"

Lacey red, we would like to explore especially if you was wearing pvc for us

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By *lbie6Man over a year ago

glasgow

I.love links I do anything to.please

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By *ibblingnewtWoman over a year ago

by the sea

I love kinky playtimes, sensory deprivation pushing boundaries, role reversal, bondage and medical all all the different types of play you can have, the planning and execution of the session, it’s just amazing fun, doing things you felt you would never do and enjoying them, I’ve had so much pleasure and all have been positive, always with real partners for real connection

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By *rs Myvanwy Scarlet-BlackTV/TS over a year ago

hot wife

Yes I enjoy it but have yet to find the right partner or partners and the connection to take it further

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Clearly we do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Who really enjoys bdsm kinky things "

Me I love it ... I have a few favourites. I tend to be doing rather than receiving

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes I enjoy it but have yet to find the right partner or partners and the connection to take it further "

Yes absolutely...and that's the first hurdle

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By *abberwocky321Man over a year ago

Stamford

With the right person there is a very deep connection and trust is absolute.

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By *ensualgent38Man over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

When trust is secured and control is passed willingly to a man with the imagination to use that control to the full, it is very intense and erotic

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