FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > I need honest opinions as I'm about to leave
I need honest opinions as I'm about to leave
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey guys. I am hoping I am not the only guy in this boat... my wife never wants to have sex with me. We are still relatively young (I am 33 and she is 33) and we have been married 4 years, been together about 15 yrs. We used to have a pretty active sex life but it has gone dormant since we had kids about 7 years ago. She always says she is tired and makes excuses like she can't be bothered or other trivial things. And she never comes on to me. I always have to initiate it and I feel rejected and horrible when she knocks me back.
I take it pretty badly being knocked back and going without sex for weeks I feel maybe she isn't attracted to me or in love with me anymore but she denies this. I don't know what to think anymore. Any thoughts anyone?
And yes I'm on here because of this, not that I've met anyone....yet.
Just sick of feeling unwanted.
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Have you tried talking to her. Asking her why her libido is low? Telling her how it makes you feel? Communication cannot. Be underrated. She may not be feeling sex or loved and it could have nothing to do with you.
Try and talk before leaving. You can't unleave as easily. |
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By *aisyDDWoman
over a year ago
North West |
Talk to your wife. I’ve not got kids but I get the idea that between working, looking after kids and looking after a house it’s more than a full time job. Often women seeing themselves as a woman and more just as a mother. Ask her how she feels, do something special but do something special without it all being about you and your needs.
Like has been said, if you are going to cheat then it’s time to leave. Don’t waste her time or your time. |
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One thing that put me off sex was having kids, i still wanted sex but the pregnancy risk was always there. We did still have oral and things like that and i missed proper sex but just didn't want to risk getting pregnant again.
You'll have to ask her to be honest, she might not even know why or not want to hurt you by telling you. If she can't tell you then idk what you do.
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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago
from the womb and tryout to get back |
Op do you ever watch the kids so she can have time to herself also do you ever take her out for meals maybe buy her flowers show her she is appreciated just a thought you may already do this either way good luck in whatever you choose to do but as others have already said it's best to end it before cheating |
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Don’t tell us, tell her.
Running a house and children is exhausting, demoralising and sucks out your personality. When you become parents, often the mother takes in a completely new personality. Have you asked her if she feels unloved and rejected? Are you only showing affection to her if you want sex?
Are you pulling your weight? Not causing her extra work?
Is she being nasty and disrespectful to you or simply trying to get herself through the day? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tell her that you need intimacy from her and if she can't give you that you will have to leave.
I don't know what's worse though, being with someone you love desperately who won't touch you or have sex with you, or being without them.
Sometimes though, it's better to go. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dude you need to talk to her about this as fab really isnt the place for advice of this nature im sure if you both just talk about it you'll find it easier to connect again |
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"Op do you ever watch the kids so she can have time to herself also do you ever take her out for meals maybe buy her flowers show her she is appreciated just a thought you may already do this either way good luck in whatever you choose to do but as others have already said it's best to end it before cheating "
He’s their father, not a babysitter. Being with the children is what he’s supposed to do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don’t tell us, tell her.
Running a house and children is exhausting, demoralising and sucks out your personality. When you become parents, often the mother takes in a completely new personality. Have you asked her if she feels unloved and rejected? Are you only showing affection to her if you want sex?
Are you pulling your weight? Not causing her extra work?
Is she being nasty and disrespectful to you or simply trying to get herself through the day? "
That is true Topsy but when you love someone, no matter how tired or drained you are, you still want affection and intimacy.
At the end of an exhausting day I would have killed to have my husband in bed with me, adoring me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And there's a part of me that thinks if you can get the sexual satisfaction you need elsewhere and the love from her, then that's the way to go.
These relationship problems are so complex. |
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"Don’t tell us, tell her.
Running a house and children is exhausting, demoralising and sucks out your personality. When you become parents, often the mother takes in a completely new personality. Have you asked her if she feels unloved and rejected? Are you only showing affection to her if you want sex?
Are you pulling your weight? Not causing her extra work?
Is she being nasty and disrespectful to you or simply trying to get herself through the day?
That is true Topsy but when you love someone, no matter how tired or drained you are, you still want affection and intimacy.
At the end of an exhausting day I would have killed to have my husband in bed with me, adoring me."
Not if he is part of the reason I’m exausted I wouldn’t.
We have no idea what she is going through. |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
Your wife is telling you she still finds you attractive.
Your wife tells you that she is tired.
There is your answer.
Telling her if you don't get affection you will leave, is cruel.
Talk to her about why she is tired and what you can do to help.
Take the pressure off and stop wanting sex. Start with having cuddles and not expecting sex.
Let her feel loved and safe, and talk through what she wants and how you can both make life happier for you both. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We have spoke about it but I try not to address it on a regular basis as I don't want her to feel pressured. She says everyone is like that and all relationships go this way....I don't agree obviously.
Especially after seeing some fab couples and other couples that we know.
It's like she looks the part and acts like a little sex kitten but she really isn't.
My wife is HOT AND I REALLY MEAN HOT!!!! She gets loads of attention from me and other when she's out. I'm just lost right now and I'm on the edge.
Love my family to bits and just don't get why she's not sexual or affectionate.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm a very hands on dad, and husband, always trying to keep the spark with lil things like flowers, dates and even giving her alone time without the kids so she can just chill out.
I do my very best to make her feel like she is the only woman in the world without being overbearing.
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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago
from the womb and tryout to get back |
"Op do you ever watch the kids so she can have time to herself also do you ever take her out for meals maybe buy her flowers show her she is appreciated just a thought you may already do this either way good luck in whatever you choose to do but as others have already said it's best to end it before cheating
He’s their father, not a babysitter. Being with the children is what he’s supposed to do. "
yes I worded that wrong but not all fathers do this my apologys  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've thought this and spotted a sneaky snapchat from a guy from work telling her she looks hot!!
What can I really say...I'm on here so really I cant say anything..
But saying that I did address that and it was apparently banter..
Plus not being a prick but he has nothing on me...and if it is more than banter it's because he is loaded.....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Very good points, and she definitely feels loved and appreciated, she also works and I'm the kind of husband who will cook clean and go above and beyond to ensure she has minimal to worry about.
That's just how I am. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
So you've got more than one child, the eldest being 7?
She's tired by the time they are in bed and everything is sorted.
It sounds like she still loves you, don't hassle her. One day when the children don't rely on her (and you) 24/7 things might change. Her focus is the kids. Just enjoy the little things you do together, not everything is about sex. |
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"Very good points, and she definitely feels loved and appreciated, she also works and I'm the kind of husband who will cook clean and go above and beyond to ensure she has minimal to worry about.
That's just how I am."
What do you mean by above and beyond? |
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I hear ya loud n clear.
Grasp the nettle -try the counselling route -she cannot reasonably argue with that approach and if she doesn't wish to try it...well, you maybe need to leave. If you suspect flings etc etc keep a logical eye on it (although it's a contradictory situation), then broach the subject...if any unpalateable truths revealed then you can always reveal your own truth. 'Fault' for want of better word lies on both sides there, both must take responsibility and at least try to work it out -whatever the best outcome needs to be for each party and the kids, the kids, the kids of course. You both leave amicably. A breath of fresh air. From own experience these problems will just fester into untwistable complexities so sooner grappled with, the sooner resolved. And good luck btw, stay logical. |
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"I've thought this and spotted a sneaky snapchat from a guy from work telling her she looks hot!!
What can I really say...I'm on here so really I cant say anything..
But saying that I did address that and it was apparently banter..
Plus not being a prick but he has nothing on me...and if it is more than banter it's because he is loaded.....
"
nothing on you in what regard? Sometimes you just have that connection with someone and its got nothing to do with looks or the size of the bank balance. Not that I'm saying that this is what your wife is doing but thinking she's a gold digger doesn't say much about how you feel about her and it sounds like you don't want to lose her because she is really hot(your words) |
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You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage . |
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Lady Licks points above about your partner focusing on the kids is also most likely spot on ... not casting aside any previous commentary by the other posters either. You've much to consider there, again -good luck with whatever ya decide to try or do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She might have depression OP. She might think your relationship is ok but unless you talk to her then it's not going to help. There could be lots of factors to why she's gone off sex. |
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage ."
How many years have you been married for James? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately there is no advice other than if you feel like cheating, leave the relationship first.
And teach your children not to get into relationships as early as you did."
Yes and definitely Yes! |
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage .
How many years have you been married for James?"
Am not a relationship person , I don't put my mind into it but there is no man that will not face this problem the moment he stops improving himself married or not.
The more a man makes himself a challenge and a mystery the more respect he gets from the ladies and more they do everything for him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a very hands on dad, and husband, always trying to keep the spark with lil things like flowers, dates and even giving her alone time without the kids so she can just chill out.
I do my very best to make her feel like she is the only woman in the world without being overbearing.
"
Sorry to be brutal here but how are you making her feel like she’s the only woman in the world when you’re on a swingers site?? Being on here is not the way to solve your problems at home.
V |
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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage ."
Fuckin’ ‘ell. I mean, seriously. Fucking. Hell.
Who bit you in the past? Jaysus.
Erm, no. This has happened to me - got a contraceptive implant and my libido plummeted. It also gave me the munchies so I gained weight, my self confidence waned and so my libido plummeted further still. Then I was working all hours, running a household, so tired I could barely think straight so, while I was still attracted to my other half...our sex life dropped off the edge.
For me, it was as simple as changing my contraception to an IUD. And as difficult as having those tough conversations with my other half.
It sounds as though you love her and want to work this out. Have that tough conversation...drop the kids off with the grandparents/aunts and uncles for a couple of days (if you can), go to dinner, have a lovely time and just snuggle when you get back. The next day, broach the subject, when you’re both relaxed and enjoying each others’ company. Make sure she knows that there’s no expectation or judgement on your side. Just that, while you understand that she has a lot on her plate, you’d like for you both to make time for each other as well...even if it’s just a naughty afternoon while the kids are at preschool 
I really do hope that you can sort this out...my partners are all married and none of them are happy with the sneaking around and doing it behind their wives’ backs. Just my two cents. |
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"Get counselling from relate. "
There's more to this than the OP's side of the story. Sorry OP if this tough on you, but going to a counseling service will offer you advice tailored to your unique relationship.
Swinging may fulfill a short-term sexual need fix, but will not do anything to preserve a relationship. In all probability, though not definitely, being here will do more harm than good.
Don't want to come across as preachy, but as others have said, you need to speak to the wife about this. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage ."
OP please take no notice of this comment. What a load of shite.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
As always people assume it is all the mans fault that the woman is tired and doesn't want sex and give advice of help her with the kids, talk to her, take her out.
Sorry but I think a relationship is a two way thing and if something is not working right it isn't always just one persons fault
However, sometimes women do get tired looking after kids so may not feel like sex but if they are school age then she has all day to have a rest so I doubt it is that. I don't know about other women but for me if I didn't have sex for a while I could have happily not had sex again so maybe not having sex for a while she is the same.
I am guessing you have spoken to her going by your posts so maybe ask her does the flirting with men on SC turn her on, if so let you play along with her so you are both enjoying it, it might give her the spark she needs. See if you can BOTH make time for each other , even to go for a walk somewhere , time together without kids might help |
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I think the pressures of child care and pressure of just managing life at times can knock the energy out of a relationship, sometimes to the point where you almost don't see the other person. If its possible to surprise her, maybe something simple like arrange a babysitter and just go for a meal and talk to her, change things up a bit, in the end time will improve things, if you can give it time |
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"As always people assume it is all the mans fault that the woman is tired and doesn't want sex and give advice of help her with the kids, talk to her, take her out.
Sorry but I think a relationship is a two way thing and if something is not working right it isn't always just one persons fault
However, sometimes women do get tired looking after kids so may not feel like sex but if they are school age then she has all day to have a rest so I doubt it is that. I don't know about other women but for me if I didn't have sex for a while I could have happily not had sex again so maybe not having sex for a while she is the same.
I am guessing you have spoken to her going by your posts so maybe ask her does the flirting with men on SC turn her on, if so let you play along with her so you are both enjoying it, it might give her the spark she needs. See if you can BOTH make time for each other , even to go for a walk somewhere , time together without kids might help"
What if she's working?? Mums can and do work. |
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage .
How many years have you been married for James?"
You’re polite, I was going to say what a pile of shite that is. Just the sort of mindset from a bloke. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"As always people assume it is all the mans fault that the woman is tired and doesn't want sex and give advice of help her with the kids, talk to her, take her out.
Sorry but I think a relationship is a two way thing and if something is not working right it isn't always just one persons fault
However, sometimes women do get tired looking after kids so may not feel like sex but if they are school age then she has all day to have a rest so I doubt it is that. I don't know about other women but for me if I didn't have sex for a while I could have happily not had sex again so maybe not having sex for a while she is the same.
I am guessing you have spoken to her going by your posts so maybe ask her does the flirting with men on SC turn her on, if so let you play along with her so you are both enjoying it, it might give her the spark she needs. See if you can BOTH make time for each other , even to go for a walk somewhere , time together without kids might help
What if she's working?? Mums can and do work."
You are kidding me? I never knew that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have spoke about it but I try not to address it on a regular basis as I don't want her to feel pressured. She says everyone is like that and all relationships go this way....I don't agree obviously.
Especially after seeing some fab couples and other couples that we know.
It's like she looks the part and acts like a little sex kitten but she really isn't.
My wife is HOT AND I REALLY MEAN HOT!!!! She gets loads of attention from me and other when she's out. I'm just lost right now and I'm on the edge.
Love my family to bits and just don't get why she's not sexual or affectionate.."
Maybe it is time to go...if u have had the convo and she is happy to be sexless for the rest of her days...that's her choice. But she cant make that choice for both of you.
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"As always people assume it is all the mans fault that the woman is tired and doesn't want sex and give advice of help her with the kids, talk to her, take her out.
Sorry but I think a relationship is a two way thing and if something is not working right it isn't always just one persons fault
However, sometimes women do get tired looking after kids so may not feel like sex but if they are school age then she has all day to have a rest so I doubt it is that. I don't know about other women but for me if I didn't have sex for a while I could have happily not had sex again so maybe not having sex for a while she is the same.
I am guessing you have spoken to her going by your posts so maybe ask her does the flirting with men on SC turn her on, if so let you play along with her so you are both enjoying it, it might give her the spark she needs. See if you can BOTH make time for each other , even to go for a walk somewhere , time together without kids might help
What if she's working?? Mums can and do work.
You are kidding me? I never knew that"
Yeh I get that from your post. Are you my mother in law?? You sound just like her. |
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"As always people assume it is all the mans fault that the woman is tired and doesn't want sex and give advice of help her with the kids, talk to her, take her out.
Sorry but I think a relationship is a two way thing and if something is not working right it isn't always just one persons fault
However, sometimes women do get tired looking after kids so may not feel like sex but if they are school age then she has all day to have a rest so I doubt it is that. I don't know about other women but for me if I didn't have sex for a while I could have happily not had sex again so maybe not having sex for a while she is the same.
I am guessing you have spoken to her going by your posts so maybe ask her does the flirting with men on SC turn her on, if so let you play along with her so you are both enjoying it, it might give her the spark she needs. See if you can BOTH make time for each other , even to go for a walk somewhere , time together without kids might help
What if she's working?? Mums can and do work."
All day to rest? What planet with servants are you on?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don’t tell us, tell her.
Running a house and children is exhausting, demoralising and sucks out your personality. When you become parents, often the mother takes in a completely new personality. Have you asked her if she feels unloved and rejected? Are you only showing affection to her if you want sex?
Are you pulling your weight? Not causing her extra work?
Is she being nasty and disrespectful to you or simply trying to get herself through the day?
That is true Topsy but when you love someone, no matter how tired or drained you are, you still want affection and intimacy.
At the end of an exhausting day I would have killed to have my husband in bed with me, adoring me.
Not if he is part of the reason I’m exausted I wouldn’t.
We have no idea what she is going through. "
No, but it could be all down to her though.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
Yeh I get that from your post. Are you my mother in law?? You sound just like her."
Because I didn't mention she might have a job I sound like your Mother in law? This is really strange
OK to change my post for the people who didn't like it. I assumed she didn't work as I didn't . Shoot me |
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"Don’t tell us, tell her.
Running a house and children is exhausting, demoralising and sucks out your personality. When you become parents, often the mother takes in a completely new personality. Have you asked her if she feels unloved and rejected? Are you only showing affection to her if you want sex?
Are you pulling your weight? Not causing her extra work?
Is she being nasty and disrespectful to you or simply trying to get herself through the day?
That is true Topsy but when you love someone, no matter how tired or drained you are, you still want affection and intimacy.
At the end of an exhausting day I would have killed to have my husband in bed with me, adoring me.
Not if he is part of the reason I’m exausted I wouldn’t.
We have no idea what she is going through.
No, but it could be all down to her though.
"
I guarantee it isn’t. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don’t tell us, tell her.
Running a house and children is exhausting, demoralising and sucks out your personality. When you become parents, often the mother takes in a completely new personality. Have you asked her if she feels unloved and rejected? Are you only showing affection to her if you want sex?
Are you pulling your weight? Not causing her extra work?
Is she being nasty and disrespectful to you or simply trying to get herself through the day?
That is true Topsy but when you love someone, no matter how tired or drained you are, you still want affection and intimacy.
At the end of an exhausting day I would have killed to have my husband in bed with me, adoring me.
Not if he is part of the reason I’m exausted I wouldn’t.
We have no idea what she is going through.
No, but it could be all down to her though.
I guarantee it isn’t. "
How can you guarantee that? I was in exactly the same situation with my husband except I was the exhausted one begging for affection. Was it my fault he didn't want me? |
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"As always people assume it is all the mans fault that the woman is tired and doesn't want sex and give advice of help her with the kids, talk to her, take her out.
Sorry but I think a relationship is a two way thing and if something is not working right it isn't always just one persons fault
However, sometimes women do get tired looking after kids so may not feel like sex but if they are school age then she has all day to have a rest so I doubt it is that. I don't know about other women but for me if I didn't have sex for a while I could have happily not had sex again so maybe not having sex for a while she is the same.
I am guessing you have spoken to her going by your posts so maybe ask her does the flirting with men on SC turn her on, if so let you play along with her so you are both enjoying it, it might give her the spark she needs. See if you can BOTH make time for each other , even to go for a walk somewhere , time together without kids might help
What if she's working?? Mums can and do work."
There's a post that says about a message from a guy from work that says she's hot, so would say she works also...
The follow up, imho suggests immaturity, in that the guy has nothing on him (the OP) other than being loaded. That in itself, having been that guy once is like the wife having another kid to look after.
And yes I took the kids out too and "did my bit" didn't stop Mrs Shady feeling like the adult in the relationship for a while.
Another comment, not sure if it was from the OP or from another poster, was that other FAB couples having a great relationships. Some don't but put on a front or those that do work at it, taking the rough and smooth, although it has to said, some do make it look effortless, even if it isn't.
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Yeh I get that from your post. Are you my mother in law?? You sound just like her.
Because I didn't mention she might have a job I sound like your Mother in law? This is really strange
OK to change my post for the people who didn't like it. I assumed she didn't work as I didn't . Shoot me "
Yeh my mother in law assumed all women would give up their career as soon as they got pregnant. Your wording reminded me of her. Not really strange seeing what you originally put.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
Yeh my mother in law assumed all women would give up their career as soon as they got pregnant. Your wording reminded me of her.
"
I didn't assume that
I also didn't assume every woman has a career to give up. |
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Sorry to hear this bud.
I,m single, so probably have,nt the right to give option.
But may give some perspective.
Your far from alone ,not that this helps,I have a couple of married male mates who are mirroring this.
Maybe have to ask your self honestly....are missing sex or are you missing making love.??
Think the lata of the two would be more appreciated by your lady.
Hope you guys can resolve things .... |
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"
Yeh my mother in law assumed all women would give up their career as soon as they got pregnant. Your wording reminded me of her.
I didn't assume that
I also didn't assume every woman has a career to give up. "
Well you wrote the words so you know what you meant by them.
Any how back to the OP. Hope you sort your situation out with your partner. Only you know the true situation. |
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"Don’t tell us, tell her.
Running a house and children is exhausting, demoralising and sucks out your personality. When you become parents, often the mother takes in a completely new personality. Have you asked her if she feels unloved and rejected? Are you only showing affection to her if you want sex?
Are you pulling your weight? Not causing her extra work?
Is she being nasty and disrespectful to you or simply trying to get herself through the day? "
this is the most likely reason |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
Yeh my mother in law assumed all women would give up their career as soon as they got pregnant. Your wording reminded me of her.
I didn't assume that
I also didn't assume every woman has a career to give up.
Well you wrote the words so you know what you meant by them.
"
Assuming some women don't work is not the same thing as saying "Yeh my mother in law assumed all women would give up their career as soon as they got pregnant."
I am sure you know that though
I am guessing your Mother in Law is getting on now and at that age they have totally different views than even the next generation down. I accept my MIL lived in a different era
When it got to my generation it was slowly getting to women going back to work after kids, I was fortunate enough not to have to and there were people about who thought I was lucky too as they wanted to stay at home. Try not to read too much into it, it was just a little thing out of a very long post and wasn't implying all women should give up work and bring up their kids. |
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"
Yeh my mother in law assumed all women would give up their career as soon as they got pregnant. Your wording reminded me of her.
I didn't assume that
I also didn't assume every woman has a career to give up.
Well you wrote the words so you know what you meant by them.
Assuming some women don't work is not the same thing as saying "Yeh my mother in law assumed all women would give up their career as soon as they got pregnant."
I am sure you know that though
I am guessing your Mother in Law is getting on now and at that age they have totally different views than even the next generation down. I accept my MIL lived in a different era
When it got to my generation it was slowly getting to women going back to work after kids, I was fortunate enough not to have to and there were people about who thought I was lucky too as they wanted to stay at home. Try not to read too much into it, it was just a little thing out of a very long post and wasn't implying all women should give up work and bring up their kids."
Ok |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
Another comment, not sure if it was from the OP or from another poster, was that other FAB couples having a great relationships. Some don't but put on a front or those that do work at it, taking the rough and smooth, although it has to said, some do make it look effortless, even if it isn't.
"
I think that is bound to happen when you are unhappy, assuming that other peoples lives are better than yours. They will have their problems too.
Personally as I said in another post, she seems to be flirting with someone which means she is looking for attention and isn't too tired for that, she may be better giving him the attention instead or both using it to their advantage |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been there.
Do the right thing, talk to her and be willing to listen and understand. It takes effort sometimes to make a relationship. Like I said- do the right thing and if it doesn't work at least you will be proud of yourself.
I am divorced, I tried everything. But deffinately proud of myself.
Good luck OP |
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I have told you the truth OP, you can choose to listen or not, I know you are not a player but you need to look at the divorce rate before you take any kind of advice from the ladies.
Weakness will only get you divorced as many of the divorced men will tell you, this is because ladies make decisions based on their emotions , not thinking about the damage to you or your child , it is all about their feelings which change from day to day regardless of the child crying from loosing you, don't be surprised that some guy out there is banging her seriously while she denies you of fun.
Take my advice and damn the consequence s, she will retrace her steps from experience once you do this but if she goes , you will still have your sanity and move on. Remember make your self improvement visible first, good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Who can say from here why?
But you can know some things for certain. You are on here without her knowledge. Let’s say she was just tired or depressed etc. How would she feel knowing you are here? Let’s say you were going through a period where you didn’t want sex and then later you found out she’d joined a swingers site. I would be hurt myself.
This is such a serious decision that I’m reluctant to say anything other than that. Perhaps there’s something else to it, but I can’t help thinking, what if there’s not?
I think you need to try and find a good moment and discuss how you feel and how she feels. Tell her your worries. If it ultimately doesn’t go the way you hoped at least you can say to yourself that you did it the right way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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IF you still love her - and I am guessing you do - then fight for your marriage! See your GP. Discuss some counselling. Remember - women need to feel loved in order to make love. If her life is all house/job/kids, and all she gets from you is another mouth to feed and requests for sex, she won't feel like it. You need to make her feel special. Amazing. Gorgeous. Valued.
Ask her if you can do anything to help her around the house and with the kids. Go out for dinner - just the two of you. Cuddle on the sofa. Tell her she is the best thing since sliced bread. When you become a mother, you lose part of your identity and it's easy to feel like an unpaid housekeeper. You need to make her feel like a Queen. |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"
That is true Topsy but when you love someone, no matter how tired or drained you are, you still want affection and intimacy.
At the end of an exhausting day I would have killed to have my husband in bed with me, adoring me."
No, that's not always the case. I have one partner that I love very much but we don't do affection or intimacy together. It's just not something we enjoy with each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey guys. I am hoping I am not the only guy in this boat... my wife never wants to have sex with me. We are still relatively young (I am 33 and she is 33) and we have been married 4 years, been together about 15 yrs. We used to have a pretty active sex life but it has gone dormant since we had kids about 7 years ago. She always says she is tired and makes excuses like she can't be bothered or other trivial things. And she never comes on to me. I always have to initiate it and I feel rejected and horrible when she knocks me back.
I take it pretty badly being knocked back and going without sex for weeks I feel maybe she isn't attracted to me or in love with me anymore but she denies this. I don't know what to think anymore. Any thoughts anyone?
And yes I'm on here because of this, not that I've met anyone....yet.
Just sick of feeling unwanted.
"
Try counselling, why won't men do that! |
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"Hey guys. I am hoping I am not the only guy in this boat... my wife never wants to have sex with me. We are still relatively young (I am 33 and she is 33) and we have been married 4 years, been together about 15 yrs. We used to have a pretty active sex life but it has gone dormant since we had kids about 7 years ago. She always says she is tired and makes excuses like she can't be bothered or other trivial things. And she never comes on to me. I always have to initiate it and I feel rejected and horrible when she knocks me back.
I take it pretty badly being knocked back and going without sex for weeks I feel maybe she isn't attracted to me or in love with me anymore but she denies this. I don't know what to think anymore. Any thoughts anyone?
And yes I'm on here because of this, not that I've met anyone....yet.
Just sick of feeling unwanted.
"
This is better than counselling! All this great advice, and it’s free.
Seriously, I think 15yrs, seems to be the new 7yr itch.
Have you talked about considering having an open relationship?
Good luck.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Or like this ...
I was in your boat but pushing #40.
Her mate owned a,few bars that needed bouncers so after repeatedly being asked to do security I got a sia licence and started banging slags out ..
It takes bottle and you gotta lie at times about being faithful but birds like a door man with balls full to the brim and you meet likeminded people that need to do well Sexually |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey guys. I am hoping I am not the only guy in this boat... my wife never wants to have sex with me. We are still relatively young (I am 33 and she is 33) and we have been married 4 years, been together about 15 yrs. We used to have a pretty active sex life but it has gone dormant since we had kids about 7 years ago. She always says she is tired and makes excuses like she can't be bothered or other trivial things. And she never comes on to me. I always have to initiate it and I feel rejected and horrible when she knocks me back.
I take it pretty badly being knocked back and going without sex for weeks I feel maybe she isn't attracted to me or in love with me anymore but she denies this. I don't know what to think anymore. Any thoughts anyone?
And yes I'm on here because of this, not that I've met anyone....yet.
Just sick of feeling unwanted.
"
Man up and leave then.
Dont sneek around like some child. |
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Having children is so tiring and mentally and physically draining.
Tell your wife you love her and miss her, be romantic, Help her do chores then she can kick back and relax with you, ask her out for a date....get some babysitters and book a hotel room away, run her a bath and offer her a massage with no strings... within a short amount of time your wife will be loving you back.
Appreciate her and tell her why you love her because she probably views everything as a chore at the minute and can't even remember who she used to be without kids.
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OP I've read the whole thread... including the total bollocks by James.
I love sex but being tired kills my sex drive. Your wife works and probably does much of the housework and childcare. It's great that you help out, but are you really doing your fair share?
I also think you need to grow up if you can't manage a few weeks without sex, as you are clearly being disrespectful of your wife and her needs.
You say you treat her well etc but is that only because you want sex?
I agree with all other posters that said you should both go to counselling. This is the best way to get to the root of the problem and try to resolve it.
Most importantly... get off Fab.
Nita |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Having children is so tiring and mentally and physically draining.
Tell your wife you love her and miss her, be romantic, Help her do chores then she can kick back and relax with you, ask her out for a date....get some babysitters and book a hotel room away, run her a bath and offer her a massage with no strings... within a short amount of time your wife will be loving you back.
Appreciate her and tell her why you love her because she probably views everything as a chore at the minute and can't even remember who she used to be without kids.
"
He said he has done all that, he also says she is texting another man Maybe she could plough her attention into her husband instead of another man ?
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"Having children is so tiring and mentally and physically draining.
Tell your wife you love her and miss her, be romantic, Help her do chores then she can kick back and relax with you, ask her out for a date....get some babysitters and book a hotel room away, run her a bath and offer her a massage with no strings... within a short amount of time your wife will be loving you back.
Appreciate her and tell her why you love her because she probably views everything as a chore at the minute and can't even remember who she used to be without kids.
He said he has done all that, he also says she is texting another man Maybe she could plough her attention into her husband instead of another man ?
"
So what if she is texting a man? Men can be friends. Cal has several female friends that he texts...
Nita |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Having children is so tiring and mentally and physically draining.
Tell your wife you love her and miss her, be romantic, Help her do chores then she can kick back and relax with you, ask her out for a date....get some babysitters and book a hotel room away, run her a bath and offer her a massage with no strings... within a short amount of time your wife will be loving you back.
Appreciate her and tell her why you love her because she probably views everything as a chore at the minute and can't even remember who she used to be without kids.
He said he has done all that, he also says she is texting another man Maybe she could plough her attention into her husband instead of another man ?
So what if she is texting a man? Men can be friends. Cal has several female friends that he texts...
Nita"
The OP is having problems in his relationship about him getting attention from his wife and found out about the texting. I said maybe she could stop the attention she is giving to another man and concentrate on her husband.
Disclaimer ...that doesn't equate to me saying that people can't text people of the opposite sex or anything to do with what happens in your life
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"Having children is so tiring and mentally and physically draining.
Tell your wife you love her and miss her, be romantic, Help her do chores then she can kick back and relax with you, ask her out for a date....get some babysitters and book a hotel room away, run her a bath and offer her a massage with no strings... within a short amount of time your wife will be loving you back.
Appreciate her and tell her why you love her because she probably views everything as a chore at the minute and can't even remember who she used to be without kids.
He said he has done all that, he also says she is texting another man Maybe she could plough her attention into her husband instead of another man ?
So what if she is texting a man? Men can be friends. Cal has several female friends that he texts...
Nita
The OP is having problems in his relationship about him getting attention from his wife and found out about the texting. I said maybe she could stop the attention she is giving to another man and concentrate on her husband.
Disclaimer ...that doesn't equate to me saying that people can't text people of the opposite sex or anything to do with what happens in your life
"
It came across as she should concentrate on hubby ... at the expense of other people ... in my opinion this is not a positive thing in any relationship.
Glad that isn't what you meant.
Nita |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wedding vows... for better or for worse.
You're not happy and she's no longer being the woman you married, so talk to her.
If nothing changes from there on, leave! Do not stoop to a low level by cheating with another woman. Your kids will also be hurt by that kind of fall out. Your kids will be affected by you staying in a stale relationship. Kids pick up on unhappy parents and negativity within their home. Sometimes, two people really are best apart! Be the better person and sort your issues.
Best of luck. |
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By *greygorCouple
over a year ago
birmingham |
dont see how fab is going to help you [op]fab is for couples [or singles]happy in there own skin playing a sex game .[no questions no ans required ]may be you should seek counciling or jeremy kyle .good luck any way |
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By *100Man
over a year ago
Essex |
She will get back to her old sexy self one day as the little ones get older just be understanding and give her some space as she is surrounded by very needy people at the mo.
Try wanking to some good porn for an hour every day when their all asleep, it works for me. |
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I wish you never married her or had any kid with her , while you were so young then this will have been very easy to handle.
Despite pressure from society, I would say never marry anyone until you have achieved your dreams as a man and if you do , protect yourself with a prenup, before having kids with anyone wait at least 5 years , so as to allow yourself see who you are dealing with in the interest of the children despite the pressure. If there was no kid involved and you were not married, she would never ever treat you like this, believe me.
I will say try to work it out for the sake of your kid but start preparing your mind for the worst, go out and have as much fun as you can , you owe it yourself and your child to be the best you can be.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dude you need to talk to her about this as fab really isnt the place for advice of this nature im sure if you both just talk about it you'll find it easier to connect again "
this is top advice fab isnt the place at all
hope you can both find happiness
david
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Myself and my ex husband were at it like bunnies when we had kids, then we had them and we would go months on end without anything at all, I was scared of getting pregnant again despite being on the pill at the time, I was scared the kids could hear us (even now when we have the kids over at the weekends myself and Ads don’t go near each other in that department) and I just didn’t feel like doing it, it was a major effort.
I loved him dearly of course I did, absolutely and we both agreed that the sex thing wasn’t the be all and end all, when I turned 30 and our last child was 4, I strayed, I can admit that and it wasn’t because of my sex drive, I had been with my husband since the age of 20 and three kids later and not having a typical teenager life (I am not condoning my behaviour) I had the 30 year old crisis, he found out and we both admitted that we had lost our way a little, I moved out and we began dating again and found each other again, we found that spark again and our sex life resumed. But I wish I hadn’t of done what I did because there was obviously major trust issues on his part for me and there was always something hanging over our heads.
You have to ask yourself is the sex thing the be all and end all to your relationship with her? If she want to have sex with you again, would you want to stay with her for the rest of your life? Even though you aren’t over bearing about not badgering her for sex maybe you do it more than you think?
Have you tried maybe I don’t know sending her naughty messages? Maybe when she looks nice send her a little text even if she’s in the same house as you, Ads and I do this from time to time and it’s actually a really big turn on.
Wish you well,
Geeky x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Trust me .... talk to her ... explain how you feel and ask what she wants from you to make her feel better.
And maybe stop looking on here .. take a break give her and your kids all your time.
But of course dont listen to me ..go with your heart
Good luck mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage .
How many years have you been married for James?
You’re polite, I was going to say what a pile of shite that is. Just the sort of mindset from a bloke. "
Topsey ... Just reading through the majority of posts from men and its only James saying this stuff.. Please dont tar us with the same brush ??? |
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"I wish you never married her or had any kid with her , while you were so young then this will have been very easy to handle.
Despite pressure from society, I would say never marry anyone until you have achieved your dreams as a man and if you do , protect yourself with a prenup, before having kids with anyone wait at least 5 years , so as to allow yourself see who you are dealing with in the interest of the children despite the pressure. If there was no kid involved and you were not married, she would never ever treat you like this, believe me.
I will say try to work it out for the sake of your kid but start preparing your mind for the worst, go out and have as much fun as you can , you owe it yourself and your child to be the best you can be.
"
what a load of bollocks.the epitome of male chauvanist.Sod the wife and go and have as much fun as you can?yeah that will sort the relationship  how about getting both sides of the story? maybe the OP just wants sex and doesnt take her feelings into account,maybe hes been doing the dirty and shes found out? can bet your bottom dollar that there is more to it than the OP has stated.hasnt even got the right age on his profile according to the first post.might be an intentional mistake(seems to be a common thing on here with age) but its shows that there can be mistruths and deception when it suits so why not in this instance?
And this is the male half of this profile before anyone jumps on the "typical woman argument" stance |
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I seldom see red, but threads by one half of a married couple blaming the other half's lack of sex as justification for being here annoys me no end!
Women don't usually just stop having sex for no reason. I was married at twenty a mum at twenty two. I needed stitches and the thought of sex scared me. I didn't even want to go to the loo for fear of pain etc. My husband never rushed, he cooked, cleaned, did the shopping during his lunch break, bought it home, prepped dinner and came home with flowers.
He was focused on making me happy. Never sulked or felt rejected, he loved me and showed it. Perhaps see what you can do to make your wife's life easier. Woo her etc and not as a prelude to sex.
I haven't read the responses but I suggest having a talk to your wife: no accusing, ask if there's anything troubling her etc...talk to her...not us! |
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"I wish you never married her or had any kid with her , while you were so young then this will have been very easy to handle.
Despite pressure from society, I would say never marry anyone until you have achieved your dreams as a man and if you do , protect yourself with a prenup, before having kids with anyone wait at least 5 years , so as to allow yourself see who you are dealing with in the interest of the children despite the pressure. If there was no kid involved and you were not married, she would never ever treat you like this, believe me.
I will say try to work it out for the sake of your kid but start preparing your mind for the worst, go out and have as much fun as you can , you owe it yourself and your child to be the best you can be.
what a load of bollocks.the epitome of male chauvanist.Sod the wife and go and have as much fun as you can?yeah that will sort the relationship how about getting both sides of the story? maybe the OP just wants sex and doesnt take her feelings into account,maybe hes been doing the dirty and shes found out? can bet your bottom dollar that there is more to it than the OP has stated.hasnt even got the right age on his profile according to the first post.might be an intentional mistake(seems to be a common thing on here with age) but its shows that there can be mistruths and deception when it suits so why not in this instance?
And this is the male half of this profile before anyone jumps on the "typical woman argument" stance"
Well that is your opinion but this problem the op is talking about is very common, women have no respect for weakness, you can be the nicest guy around and they will still treat you very horribly, as most of the nice guys will testify.
I have seen ladies begging and pleading with men to accept them despite the fact that these men have many women that they know.
If it was me, based on my experience, I will divorce the lady immediately because I will have protected myself properly with prenups before marrying her and I definitely will not have had any kids with her until I was sure my kids will not go through the pain of a broken home, which means I will have waited 5years after marriage before any kids,if I went that route, do you have any idea how many single women are out there looking for a man to be responsible to? And then she is lucky to have a man and she treats him like this.
I am not into relationships or anything like that but I don't play this kind of game , I am respectful but if a lady puts a wrong foot forward with me am gone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I seldom see red, but threads by one half of a married couple blaming the other half's lack of sex as justification for being here annoys me no end!
Women don't usually just stop having sex for no reason. I was married at twenty a mum at twenty two. I needed stitches and the thought of sex scared me. I didn't even want to go to the loo for fear of pain etc. My husband never rushed, he cooked, cleaned, did the shopping during his lunch break, bought it home, prepped dinner and came home with flowers.
He was focused on making me happy. Never sulked or felt rejected, he loved me and showed it. Perhaps see what you can do to make your wife's life easier. Woo her etc and not as a prelude to sex.
I haven't read the responses but I suggest having a talk to your wife: no accusing, ask if there's anything troubling her etc...talk to her...not us!"
Do men not just stop having sex for no reason? Can you explain to me why my husband stopped having sex with me then? Why it was my fault when I had done nothing wrong. Why is it that women can do no wrong in people's eyes on here? |
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage ."
Haha, oh this is so pathetic. And wrong. What planet are the men that make this crap up living on! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage .
Haha, oh this is so pathetic. And wrong. What planet are the men that make this crap up living on!"
I think she's found someone else and is thinking of cheating on him. What do I know though, the consensus on here is women can do know wrong. |
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"Hey guys. I am hoping I am not the only guy in this boat... my wife never wants to have sex with me. We are still relatively young (I am 33 and she is 33) and we have been married 4 years, been together about 15 yrs. We used to have a pretty active sex life but it has gone dormant since we had kids about 7 years ago. She always says she is tired and makes excuses like she can't be bothered or other trivial things. And she never comes on to me. I always have to initiate it and I feel rejected and horrible when she knocks me back.
I take it pretty badly being knocked back and going without sex for weeks I feel maybe she isn't attracted to me or in love with me anymore but she denies this. I don't know what to think anymore. Any thoughts anyone?
And yes I'm on here because of this, not that I've met anyone....yet.
Just sick of feeling unwanted.
"
It must be horrible. I can only suggest couple's counselling and wish you both the best |
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage .
Haha, oh this is so pathetic. And wrong. What planet are the men that make this crap up living on!
I think she's found someone else and is thinking of cheating on him. What do I know though, the consensus on here is women can do know wrong. "
Why does that irritated you when you were the one that was wronged in your marriage? Whoever's fault it is, whatever the reason, the only answer is for them to communicate, find a place of agreement, and go forward together. If they cannot the marriage should end before the deception starts IMO. |
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By *rkeb3Man
over a year ago
east Lancashire road |
Honestly enjoy it here while u can forget sex about her n then she will come to u ask u why not asking her anymore n she's just waiting for that so she can accuse u off cheating to cover her tracks
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage .
Haha, oh this is so pathetic. And wrong. What planet are the men that make this crap up living on!
I think she's found someone else and is thinking of cheating on him. What do I know though, the consensus on here is women can do know wrong.
Why does that irritated you when you were the one that was wronged in your marriage? Whoever's fault it is, whatever the reason, the only answer is for them to communicate, find a place of agreement, and go forward together. If they cannot the marriage should end before the deception starts IMO."
Why do you think I'm irritated that people can't ever blame a woman on here for anything. I'm not irritated by it any more than you are about the comment from the man above us. I'm pointing out the mindset of people on here regarding men. I think it's sad.
And the OP has been wronged hadn't he? If I was so is he as he's in exactly the same situation as I was. So, it must have been me who was to blame. If I had started this thread my husband would have been called all the names under the sun, because he wouldn't have sex with me and was texting another women, the same situation the OP is in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You sound irritated is all. It doesn't matter who's fault it is, we can't tell, they have to agree, or quit."
Well I'm not and it does matter whose fault it is, because he is being blamed for trying to save his marriage, because heaven forbid a woman is the bad guy. People are going on what he has said but can't put any blame on her? These forums are ridiculous at times.
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
You being here isn't good for the relationship, op, pretty sure you know that and maybe a bearing why you haven't met anyone here. As for the text message I'd really want to know why a work colleague is texting her that she's hot, I wouldn't like that all and would address it, it's a bit innapropriate in my opinion, I'd like to know what kind of relationship that is. I'd also want our relationship issues talked about at length to see exactly what the problems are, if she doesn't know then I'd suggest counselling. I'd definitely in my own mind have to feel as though I've exhausted all avenues before leaving, she and the children as well as myself deserve that.
Good luck, op.
Him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey guys. I am hoping I am not the only guy in this boat... my wife never wants to have sex with me. We are still relatively young (I am 33 and she is 33) and we have been married 4 years, been together about 15 yrs. We used to have a pretty active sex life but it has gone dormant since we had kids about 7 years ago. She always says she is tired and makes excuses like she can't be bothered or other trivial things. And she never comes on to me. I always have to initiate it and I feel rejected and horrible when she knocks me back.
I take it pretty badly being knocked back and going without sex for weeks I feel maybe she isn't attracted to me or in love with me anymore but she denies this. I don't know what to think anymore. Any thoughts anyone?
And yes I'm on here because of this, not that I've met anyone....yet.
Just sick of feeling unwanted.
"
Same thing hapoened to me,both of us had busy jobs plus kids.
I worked away a lot but was always attentive. The sex was great but always less and less,at 1 stage it was over a year before we had sex.
I put it down to stress at work stress of the kids stress of my working away always gave her space.
This went on for years but because I adored her just let it go.
I found out she was having an affair it nearly destroyed me
The coldness that came from her when the affair came out was staggering.
We were divorced within 6 months,I saw her recently and she told me it was the biggest mistake of her life.
You need to find out if she is cheating on you, because the way you explain it that sounds just like my situation was. |
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"You sound irritated is all. It doesn't matter who's fault it is, we can't tell, they have to agree, or quit.
Well I'm not and it does matter whose fault it is, because he is being blamed for trying to save his marriage, because heaven forbid a woman is the bad guy. People are going on what he has said but can't put any blame on her? These forums are ridiculous at times.
"
I haven't counted the number for each - I assume women who have been through one thing will blame him, and men who have been through another will blame her - neither surprises me or irritates me, and we can never tell from here anyway, so I just assume it could indeed be either of them. But as you say, the fella is here saying he hurts and asking for help, so he gets my sympathy.
The incels do irritate me because they peddle such utterly false crap lol! |
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage .
How many years have you been married for James?
You’re polite, I was going to say what a pile of shite that is. Just the sort of mindset from a bloke.
Topsey ... Just reading through the majority of posts from men and its only James saying this stuff.. Please dont tar us with the same brush ???"
I didn't and I don't. I have wonderful male friends and lovers, a grown son and a grandson.
If you look I said 'a bloke' not 'all men'. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Women do get tired looking after kids.
Genuinely too tired and felling mumsy.
"
I get this and once I'm home from work I try to get her to relax....run her a bath do dinner anything to help as I've been working all day and kids can drain you.
And not just for sex it's apart of being a good partner husband dad...
At the end of the day I want to feel wanted by my wife and I don't and haven't felt wanted in a long time.
I can't remember the last time we kissed properly, and if I try she's not having it...
I've read a hello of a lot of response on here and I'm grateful for opinions.
I'm now just thinking to leave the situation as it is, I love my kid and my wife but just always sexually frustrated.
No blow job and no sex life ain't for me, so I will continue my own journey and work on me, I will no longer be longing for her attention or affection I will just look after myself.
For some who missed bits.... we both work shes part time 2 day a week and me full time shifts pattern.
I am a hands on dad and husband, she wants for nothing and I'm quite happy to show my love and do the little things and special big things to show this.
Our kids are 7 and 3, so not babies and are in bed by 7:30 every night..
No one like to be told after 3 or 4 week with no sex "lets just have a quick one" and she says you got 5 mins to cum....what is the rush...am I that ugly now your forcing yourself...that's what it feels like.
It's like yes please and no thanks. And now I'm saying no.. i cant do this anymore.
Thanks for your opinions they have been great. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes its REALLY difficult to switch from mum mode to lover mode.
I think I read you have sex every few weeks? If I'm correct then that's pretty regularly!
So many things can affect libido.
After I had my son I had no idea I had PND, some women don't realise, perhaps she's suffering but doesn't want you to see her differently?
P |
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Let's rephrase the question , how many women here would be happy to see a woman treating your only son like this, as if he is not human, when you know deep down in your heart as a woman that she is just using, deceiving him and eating his money.
You also know there are plenty, plenty, plenty women out there who can't find husband's and are miserable. I know how women here are with their children, they would not take it.
How many women would accept it? I know how my mum would scream if I told her a woman I married is doing this, she would rush to the lawyer and pay for the divorce herself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Try looking after the kids for a day or two!...you'll either end up same knackered as her...or cum to appreciate where she's cumming from!"
How many men work a physically demanding job, help with the children and still have sex with their wives? Oh, and don't text other women.
I don't know if I missed it but did the OP say he doesn't help out with the children and housework? |
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"Women do get tired looking after kids.
Genuinely too tired and felling mumsy.
I get this and once I'm home from work I try to get her to relax....run her a bath do dinner anything to help as I've been working all day and kids can drain you.
And not just for sex it's apart of being a good partner husband dad...
At the end of the day I want to feel wanted by my wife and I don't and haven't felt wanted in a long time.
I can't remember the last time we kissed properly, and if I try she's not having it...
I've read a hello of a lot of response on here and I'm grateful for opinions.
I'm now just thinking to leave the situation as it is, I love my kid and my wife but just always sexually frustrated.
No blow job and no sex life ain't for me, so I will continue my own journey and work on me, I will no longer be longing for her attention or affection I will just look after myself.
For some who missed bits.... we both work shes part time 2 day a week and me full time shifts pattern.
I am a hands on dad and husband, she wants for nothing and I'm quite happy to show my love and do the little things and special big things to show this.
Our kids are 7 and 3, so not babies and are in bed by 7:30 every night..
No one like to be told after 3 or 4 week with no sex "lets just have a quick one" and she says you got 5 mins to cum....what is the rush...am I that ugly now your forcing yourself...that's what it feels like.
"
Ouch yes, that feels like shit, you really do have my sympathy.
BUT, I have two buts.....
You say you show affection and help etc, and doing things like running a bath for someone IS very caring, and actions speak louder than words - BUT, you don't know how she feels!!! You have asked her if she loves and fancies you, but you don't yet know WHY she has gone off sex, and IMO you need to find that out before you can possibly make a decision what to do. I get that men don't like talking bout this shit, but you HAVE to to stand any chance of putting it right. Having a third person in the room, a professional from somewhere like Relate, makes a massive difference - they facilitate, they adjudicate, they make sure everyone's point of view is heard and discussed, they make sure things stay calm, and they know how to get people to open up to get to the bottom of an issue. She may see things very differently from you, and it may be far easier than you think to fix. The fact that you do not seem to be considering this makes me wonder if communication issues might be part of the problem??
And now I cannot remember the second but....but if you are on a sex site planning to chat then maybe you are not the perfect husband you are making yourself out to be?? |
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By *r appyMan
over a year ago
Scunthorpe |
Waste of time talking,that will not increase her libido, you may get a sympathy shag now and again! Wait till she starts to go through the menopause, then you will know what its like to go without!?? |
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"Let's rephrase the question , how many women here would be happy to see a woman treating your only son like this, as if he is not human, when you know deep down in your heart as a woman that she is just using, deceiving him and eating his money.
"
Yeah, but you don't know that - it is a gross assumption based on an assumption of malevolence.
But most people are not like that, male or female, most people try their best to do the right thing but a situation overwhelms them and they cannot see a way out.
Yes, people are lazy, when pressured they choose the easy option. Often they are cowardly, they refuse to face difficult conversations where they have to allow themselves to be vulnerable. Men particularly are very bad at the latter - they are not hard wired to talk things out like women are.
For every woman that is out there callously using her husband there will be a dozen, if not a hundred women who have been trying their best for years and just come to the end of their tether.
They might find their husbands cold and preoccupied when they are under work stress, never talk to them like they used to. They might feel abandoned every weekend when he goes off to play golf or football and go off drinking after with his mates......... they may feel ignored and uncherished when he never notices what they look like or what they are wearing anymore, or they may feel deeply rejected and starved of affection because he only ever reaches out to touch them when he wants sex. All of those things and more can make a women withdraw to protect her emotions.
Men and women need different things and have different perspectives, and the only way relationships work is if they communicate freely, gain understanding, make agreements, and are both pulling in the same direction.
The men who's ghastly misogynistic writings you follow are not capable of having a normal healthy loving relationship, and they are training others for the same life of lonely disconnection and mistrust. |
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"Waste of time talking,that will not increase her libido, you may get a sympathy shag now and again! Wait till she starts to go through the menopause, then you will know what its like to go without!??"
Nope, I'm still horny as hell years after mine - there's more likely to be another unaddressed problem at the root of it all. |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"Let's rephrase the question , how many women here would be happy to see a woman treating your only son like this, as if he is not human, when you know deep down in your heart as a woman that she is just using, deceiving him and eating his money.
Yeah, but you don't know that - it is a gross assumption based on an assumption of malevolence.
But most people are not like that, male or female, most people try their best to do the right thing but a situation overwhelms them and they cannot see a way out.
Yes, people are lazy, when pressured they choose the easy option. Often they are cowardly, they refuse to face difficult conversations where they have to allow themselves to be vulnerable. Men particularly are very bad at the latter - they are not hard wired to talk things out like women are.
For every woman that is out there callously using her husband there will be a dozen, if not a hundred women who have been trying their best for years and just come to the end of their tether.
They might find their husbands cold and preoccupied when they are under work stress, never talk to them like they used to. They might feel abandoned every weekend when he goes off to play golf or football and go off drinking after with his mates......... they may feel ignored and uncherished when he never notices what they look like or what they are wearing anymore, or they may feel deeply rejected and starved of affection because he only ever reaches out to touch them when he wants sex. All of those things and more can make a women withdraw to protect her emotions.
Men and women need different things and have different perspectives, and the only way relationships work is if they communicate freely, gain understanding, make agreements, and are both pulling in the same direction.
The men who's ghastly misogynistic writings you follow are not capable of having a normal healthy loving relationship, and they are training others for the same life of lonely disconnection and mistrust."
Love this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm gonna point something out that I've noticed. It may be nothing, it may be something.
Throughout this whole thread (I think) the term "have sex" has been used.
Why don't you try making love to her instead?
If when you've spoken about it you've used the term sex rather than love then maybe that's how she thinks you see it. More of an act than a connection.
P |
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"You know the problem op and it is a problem every man in a relationship who does not understand the game is going to run into.
If anyone feels they have you where they want you, this happens. She believes you can't catch another woman for whatever reason and this might be influenced by her friends , that's where this attitude is coming from and that's what you have to change .
She knows she has no competition and is not likely to get any. She is a woman and if she looks at you and knows that ladies outside will steal you from her, she will not be putting this attitude forward, so work on yourself and tell her straight that you are not accepting this attitude from her point blank.
Once she starts to see that you are improving yourself and she is likely to have serious competition, she will immediately change and you will save your marriage .
How many years have you been married for James?
Am not a relationship person , I don't put my mind into it but there is no man that will not face this problem the moment he stops improving himself married or not.
The more a man makes himself a challenge and a mystery the more respect he gets from the ladies and more they do everything for him. "
Man, what a load of crap!
I've been with the same person for longer than you have existed dude, (4 years longer, to be exact) and you are talking out of your arse.
No relationship is perfect all of the time, it has its ups and downs, but it is how you deal with them that matters, starting with communication.
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"Waste of time talking,that will not increase her libido, you may get a sympathy shag now and again! Wait till she starts to go through the menopause, then you will know what its like to go without!??
Nope, I'm still horny as hell years after mine - there's more likely to be another unaddressed problem at the root of it all."
Ladies are all different, when Jayne went through the menopause she went from being highly sexed to a nymphomaniac, you can't say what happens to one person us the standard for all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a very hands on dad, and husband, always trying to keep the spark with lil things like flowers, dates and even giving her alone time without the kids so she can just chill out.
I do my very best to make her feel like she is the only woman in the world without being overbearing.
Sorry to be brutal here but how are you making her feel like she’s the only woman in the world when you’re on a swingers site?? Being on here is not the way to solve your problems at home.
V"
I thought this too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking from a women’s point of view that has had an affair, the way you speak about your wife and how she treats you does sound a lot like how I treated by husband, I’m not saying she is but I hid my phone away from my husband, always on it constantly, if he even suggested going out with me and my group of friends (the man I had an affair with was in this group) I would snap at him, I wouldn’t let him go near me, I wouldn’t let him kiss me, let alone touch me, I was so glad when he found out and my life transformed and I was very very lucky that I had another 5 years with my now ex husband (we didn’t split for that reason), I wasn’t the same person he married at that point, we had three kids, we didn’t have any social life and I turned 30, I started drinking heavily and I just turned into what I discribe as a monster, I am not condoning my behaviour at all and I was a horrible person.
I do hope you can work through it op, aside from you being on here (which I can understand why, if you aren’t feeling wanted at home you are looking for some kind of attention, you probably have no intention of meeting anyone just want that ‘connection’) you seem like a good husband and a good dad.
Good luck
Danish x |
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