FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Jealous Or Let Down?
Jealous Or Let Down?
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " can't see what the issue is... honestly can't.  | |||
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " You're on a swinging site. Surely you must have expected this. | |||
"I see no issue... surely that’s swinging? " He's invested time and some handsome fucker has pulled the robbery on him no doubt. Scarcity mindset for men on here, women can be abundant with the distorted ratios. | |||
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"I see no issue... surely that’s swinging? " I can understand his disappointment and that in his mind he had struck pay dirt 
But you are right that's swinging for ya | |||
"All the time.. it does not bother me them fucking someone else,but it's often a case that you were an option if nothing better turns up. This is especially true if they said they were too busy to meet for a while then fuck another guy. If it goes to a few months with verifications from others in that time it's not going to happen." they were to busy as they were already meeting someone else... They maybe working through a list or going to clubs | |||
"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " I.ll get you the tissues. .hang on... | |||
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! Ok do you want to be just ye to fucking only. Like have u actually been with one another. Or are you just chatting. As if you are just chatting and never had meet up to play or dated. Then mate you can't tell her who she can or can't meet. And she doesn't have to run things by you or seek your permission.after all you both are on a swing site. So it is jealously raring it's ugly head. And if that is the case. Then been on this site won't do you justice. It is after all to explore and enjoy the ride. Now some are lucky to find the love of there life on here and become soul mates. But that is rare. The rest just want sex and nothing else,and others are cheaters. You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " | |||
"Hey fk that - it works the other way round too! " | |||
"I see no issue... surely that’s swinging? " Exactly this. Some people want to build up to a meet or have other commitments that means means both parties are not free at the same time. Absolutely nothing stopping them playing with others. | |||
Whatever next? There'll be places you can go to meet those people and have sex with them as well!! | |||
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"I see no issue... surely that’s swinging? Exactly this. Some people want to build up to a meet or have other commitments that means means both parties are not free at the same time. Absolutely nothing stopping them playing with others." You know jealousy is a natural emotion right? Seen a lot of swingers prone to it too in clubs etc so they are not immune. | |||
"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " I think you misunderstand this place tbh. I was chatting to someone loads the last couple of days. I hoped to “get the call” tonight, but she mentioned while chatting to me she’d asked someone else in our conversation. We kept on chatting and then again after her meet. That’s fine - I was a bit disappointed, but it was up to her to choose who she felt was right. That’s how it works. | |||
"Too much talk not enough action....are you sure you never bored her with those weeks of chat?" totally true here | |||
"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " This is like the polar opposite of the vanilla world . We all talk to several people at the same time with the intention of meeting in the future. There are those of us that only meet in clubs for instance, if I decide to go to a club but only ever spoke to one guy or couple they may not be free for whatever random night or club I'm going too. I personally don't need to talk to anyone on the site as there are always plenty of offers in clubs as a female that plays seperate rooms from my partner. jealousy is definitely not something you want to hold on too in the swinging world. | |||
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"I really do appreciate everyone's comments. All I can say is that I only ever 'chat' to one person at a time. I am completely honest and up front about my situation. And I see where it goes. When I say I might have found a 'connection' what I mean is that I think I am chatting to someone who is similar. So it can feel like I wasted my time being genuine. And its ok with me if others do not agrees. But it is how I feel. " Sorry you feel that way.  You sound like a genuine and sensitive man.
You need a thicker skin to be on here though | |||
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"I really do appreciate everyone's comments. All I can say is that I only ever 'chat' to one person at a time. I am completely honest and up front about my situation. And I see where it goes. When I say I might have found a 'connection' what I mean is that I think I am chatting to someone who is similar. So it can feel like I wasted my time being genuine. And its ok with me if others do not agrees. But it is how I feel. And you should use the site in a way that works for you. As long as you’re aware that others may not. Don’t feel you can’t be yourself and be genuine, of course you can. Make sure the other person is aware of this and find out what their intentions are on the site. But as others have mentioned, it IS a swingers site. We meet for sex. Anything else is a bonus. " | |||
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " Can honestly say I don't see a problem. I had several playmates on the go. If any got clingy I brome all contact. | |||
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? Can honestly say I don't see a problem. I had several playmates on the go. If any got clingy I brome all contact. " Isn't the point of this site to talk to people maybe meet them? Not just 1 person | |||
" Isn't the point of this site to talk to people maybe meet them? Not just 1 person " There is no single point to this site - other than to meet likeminded people who are looking for the same as you - that might be one person to meet regularly, or multiple people to meet for one offs or any other combination - sounds like in this instance what the lady was looking for was different from what the OP was | |||
"I really do appreciate everyone's comments. All I can say is that I only ever 'chat' to one person at a time. I am completely honest and up front about my situation. And I see where it goes. When I say I might have found a 'connection' what I mean is that I think I am chatting to someone who is similar. So it can feel like I wasted my time being genuine. And its ok with me if others do not agrees. But it is how I feel. Sorry you feel that way. You sound like a genuine and sensitive man.
You need a thicker skin to be on here though "Too right! | |||
"I really do appreciate everyone's comments. All I can say is that I only ever 'chat' to one person at a time. I am completely honest and up front about my situation. And I see where it goes. When I say I might have found a 'connection' what I mean is that I think I am chatting to someone who is similar. So it can feel like I wasted my time being genuine. And its ok with me if others do not agrees. But it is how I feel. " Do you tell the ladies that you are looking for a 1 on 1 connection and expect them to only meet you? Some may be looking for that, but you certainly should not assume that they will not meet others unless it has been discussed. | |||
"They could have been chatting to someone else longer? Loads of factors come into play when meeting and connections can be made or fizzle out... I only do social first anyway, some can be organised fairly quickly, others after much longer chat. Just depends.. "
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " It's a swinging site. If you're going to get all upset and whinge about someone doing what it says on the tin then maybe FAB isn't the place for you. | |||
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " We don't ourselves but a lot of people do, I see evidence of it all the time. People will sometimes ask if they're right to feel upset if someone has another meet lined up either before or after them or people in fwb or fb arrangements post devastated because they're meeting other people. We're conditioned by society to believe that sexual partners shouldn't be having sex elsewhere. That is the opposite of swinging though and why it engenders the feelings you experience. There are people on here who like to play the same way you do though. | |||
"I really do appreciate everyone's comments. All I can say is that I only ever 'chat' to one person at a time. I am completely honest and up front about my situation. And I see where it goes. When I say I might have found a 'connection' what I mean is that I think I am chatting to someone who is similar. So it can feel like I wasted my time being genuine. And its ok with me if others do not agrees. But it is how I feel. " Does this mean you no longer wish to meet her? I genuinely think you may be in the wrong place if you feel such disappointment in someone on a swinging site meeting someone else before you... | |||
"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " Really? On a swinging site? Get over yourself | |||
"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? can't see what the issue is... honestly can't. "Neither can I. | |||
"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " Its a swinging site why would anyone care? | |||
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but not jealous or let down. | |||
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"Turning into Chinese whispers! I think I am just looking for a fwb but they do not have a site for that. Anyway thanks again for the comments. I'm off to change my name and get a disguise..." Many people are looking for the same OP. Because they're also looking for a connection more than a quick meet, they'll also be chatting to a number of people to make sure they find someone who clicks with them. It's not a bad thing to chat to multiple people and not every social turns into more. If you're looking for a fwb the friendship will come first without being forced. Don't overthink it, just enjoy. | |||
"I really do appreciate everyone's comments. All I can say is that I only ever 'chat' to one person at a time. I am completely honest and up front about my situation. And I see where it goes. When I say I might have found a 'connection' what I mean is that I think I am chatting to someone who is similar. So it can feel like I wasted my time being genuine. And its ok with me if others do not agrees. But it is how I feel. " Hi OP Yes totally get where your coming from I’m like you I’m straight with what I’m looking for as in looking for one guy to meet exclusively but had the same happen too ! Best thing is to just move on x | |||
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"I really do appreciate everyone's comments. All I can say is that I only ever 'chat' to one person at a time. I am completely honest and up front about my situation. And I see where it goes. When I say I might have found a 'connection' what I mean is that I think I am chatting to someone who is similar. So it can feel like I wasted my time being genuine. And its ok with me if others do not agrees. But it is how I feel. Do you tell the ladies that you are looking for a 1 on 1 connection and expect them to only meet you? Some may be looking for that, but you certainly should not assume that they will not meet others unless it has been discussed. " Yup, fab caters to all tastes - if you put it on your profile and discuss it up front you will find there are lots of women who would be happy to be exclusive with one guy, though I would suggest they would not decide that until after they had met him at least once! Certainly there are women on here who try to stop their prospective meet seeing someone else meanwhile!! Yes, it's natural to feel disappointed or miffed, but it is the default position on fab so you have to accept it - everyone will be talking to and meeting other people unless specifically agreed otherwise. I would assume the same on dating sites. | |||
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " I don't see any issue with that. I tend to talk to a few guys at once. Get to know them see if it can lead to a meet. Surely it's to be expected your not betrothed. It is a swinging site and we are all adults. Do you only speak to 1 woman at a time? | |||
"All hope isn’t lost.... This guy might turn into a bad lover" This happened to me a few times. Left me for someone better then came back because they weren't as good as he hoped.
Not entirely sure if this is a compliment to me or not! | |||
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? What, surely this is a given for this site? I wouldn't use the term "grooming" as its totally inappropriate but you must expect people on here to be forming connections all the time, regardless of the fact that they are chatting to you. And, so what if she had sex with someone else, that's par for the course too - just means she's hot and othere guys want her as much as you do; this would attract me to her even more. " | |||
"In all honesty if I felt jealous or let down because someone I hadn;t met had a meet then I'd question whether swinging was for me. And I certainly wouldn;t want meet someone who thought like that" This | |||
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? We don't ourselves but a lot of people do, I see evidence of it all the time. People will sometimes ask if they're right to feel upset if someone has another meet lined up either before or after them or people in fwb or fb arrangements post devastated because they're meeting other people. We're conditioned by society to believe that sexual partners shouldn't be having sex elsewhere. That is the opposite of swinging though and why it engenders the feelings you experience. There are people on here who like to play the same way you do though. " Nicely put! | |||
"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P" | |||
"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " No. It’s not a dating site lad | |||
"OK I gave my slightly tongue in cheek, but with an element of truth, answer above OP - more serious one coming right up. The underlying premise of the site is to meet other people to have NSA sex, and in some cases with multiple people, or that's mostly what people are here for, sure some are looking for something more exclusive, but for a lot it's about having the freedom to meet who you want, when you want, without being beholden to any one person. So unless this lady had expressly told you she was only looking to meet one person, and that person was you, then you really don't have any right to feel jealous or annoyed that she met someone else. Yes it's natural to feel a sense of disappointment, or even wistfulness that you've not been able to arrange anything with her, and that she met someone else - but really that should be as much as it is, and even then only a momentary thing. The way I try and look at it is this - when I'm meeting someone I step into a bubble with them, and for the time I'm in that bubble, I'm with that person 100% albeit with an awareness of my life outside the bubble. At the end of the meet we both step back into our lives and leave the time in the bubble behind until the next time we step into it - anything that happens outside of our bubble is none of each other's business. Thinking about it like that helps get your head round the whole notion of NSA meets - I hope it helps "And life in general | |||
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"I agree with OP. You chat to see if you are compatible, and obviously form a connection (however small). People don't just instantly meet and fuck. Therefore a relationship is in place. It guarentees nothing, yes, but to find out the other has gone with someone else will hurt. To say 'that's swinging' is not fair, people have feelings. Plus just because it is easy to behave a certain way sat on your laptop or phone doesn't mean it right. I am sure most people would behave differently in person. My advice is to stay away from single ladies. It's not there fault, more the ratios on here. Look for couples or hotwives etc... you won't get hurt with them. P.s not everybody is a swinger on this site (most single guys do not have the numbers ha ha ha!) " I am currently talking to and planning to meet over 20 people. If I was making out I would be exclusive then it would be wrong to then meet someone else but I don't. | |||
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"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P" Yes, well put. I don't think it is outdated to want to talk to or meet one person at a time either, just rare on a swingers site. | |||
"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " You snooze you loose  | |||
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"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " That. Is half the. Problem men think women are chatting to them only, and really we are chatting to a few it may be the guy she met with had been chatting way before you or a regular swing Fab friend don't judge be a pity to lose a connection because. You take the wrong meaning from it .. | |||
"I agree with OP. You chat to see if you are compatible, and obviously form a connection (however small). People don't just instantly meet and fuck. Therefore a relationship is in place. It guarentees nothing, yes, but to find out the other has gone with someone else will hurt. To say 'that's swinging' is not fair, people have feelings. Plus just because it is easy to behave a certain way sat on your laptop or phone doesn't mean it right. I am sure most people would behave differently in person. My advice is to stay away from single ladies. It's not there fault, more the ratios on here. Look for couples or hotwives etc... you won't get hurt with them. P.s not everybody is a swinger on this site (most single guys do not have the numbers ha ha ha!) I am currently talking to and planning to meet over 20 people. If I was making out I would be exclusive then it would be wrong to then meet someone else but I don't. " I did point out it is not the fault of single ladies. I don't think you are doing anything wrong. My point is people have feelings, some on her may say they have put them in 'bubbles' or switched them off or moved beyond them, but the truth is we all have them. (Unless they have a mental disorder.... narcacism?). How many of the 20 guys you are planning on meeting have 20 girls they planning to meet? Zero. Inequality causes all sorts of problems - historically this obvious. It's not just Fab, vanilla sites are exactly the same in peoples approach to others through a screen. | |||
"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P Yes, well put. I don't think it is outdated to want to talk to or meet one person at a time either, just rare on a swingers site." Thanks Friskster, it's also rare I explain things too well either so yaaaay! I don't think it's outdated either, but agree it's rare. I can see how it would sting if you've been giving one person your whole attention, to discover they've not been doing the same even though it's not been agreed. I think regardless of the fact we know not everyone will behave the same as us, I suppose deep down you do hope that they are. P | |||
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"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P Yes, well put. I don't think it is outdated to want to talk to or meet one person at a time either, just rare on a swingers site. Thanks Friskster, it's also rare I explain things too well either so yaaaay! I don't think it's outdated either, but agree it's rare. I can see how it would sting if you've been giving one person your whole attention, to discover they've not been doing the same even though it's not been agreed. I think regardless of the fact we know not everyone will behave the same as us, I suppose deep down you do hope that they are. P " Yup, I learned a very interesting phrase once - it's the 'violation of expectation' that often causes great hurt. Sometimes we learn too late to adjust our expectations accurately, sometimes we are deceived too. | |||
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"Wouldn’t care. It’s not a dating site "Totally agree | |||
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"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P Yes, well put. I don't think it is outdated to want to talk to or meet one person at a time either, just rare on a swingers site. Thanks Friskster, it's also rare I explain things too well either so yaaaay! I don't think it's outdated either, but agree it's rare. I can see how it would sting if you've been giving one person your whole attention, to discover they've not been doing the same even though it's not been agreed. I think regardless of the fact we know not everyone will behave the same as us, I suppose deep down you do hope that they are. P " several of the guys and couples I am talking to are chatting to numerous others.. and have has many new verifications while we have been trying to sort something out. Only time it pisses me off is if I've got a meet set and they cancel with me to meet someone else. I don't get jealous just find it a waste of my time | |||
"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P Yes, well put. I don't think it is outdated to want to talk to or meet one person at a time either, just rare on a swingers site. Thanks Friskster, it's also rare I explain things too well either so yaaaay! I don't think it's outdated either, but agree it's rare. I can see how it would sting if you've been giving one person your whole attention, to discover they've not been doing the same even though it's not been agreed. I think regardless of the fact we know not everyone will behave the same as us, I suppose deep down you do hope that they are. P Yup, I learned a very interesting phrase once - it's the 'violation of expectation' that often causes great hurt. Sometimes we learn too late to adjust our expectations accurately, sometimes we are deceived too." That is a superb phrase and very bloody accurate. Thank you. P | |||
"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P Yes, well put. I don't think it is outdated to want to talk to or meet one person at a time either, just rare on a swingers site. Thanks Friskster, it's also rare I explain things too well either so yaaaay! I don't think it's outdated either, but agree it's rare. I can see how it would sting if you've been giving one person your whole attention, to discover they've not been doing the same even though it's not been agreed. I think regardless of the fact we know not everyone will behave the same as us, I suppose deep down you do hope that they are. P several of the guys and couples I am talking to are chatting to numerous others.. and have has many new verifications while we have been trying to sort something out. Only time it pisses me off is if I've got a meet set and they cancel with me to meet someone else. I don't get jealous just find it a waste of my time " I can totally understand, my point merely being that the 2 of them are on different pages. Doesn't mean either of them are in the wrong, just not singing from the same hymn sheet. He may have felt a deeper connection than the lady in question. P | |||
"How do you feel? when chatting to someone for weeks... getting closer... them constantly chatting and saying about meeting... you thinking you found a new connection... You go online all excited... and they have a new veri from some guy who just fucked her! You might have mentioned you were grooming other guys at the same time! Anyone else experience this? " It’s up to her who she meets! Nothing to do with you Op, not your business. Maybe he was more interesting than you | |||
"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P Yes, well put. I don't think it is outdated to want to talk to or meet one person at a time either, just rare on a swingers site. Thanks Friskster, it's also rare I explain things too well either so yaaaay! I don't think it's outdated either, but agree it's rare. I can see how it would sting if you've been giving one person your whole attention, to discover they've not been doing the same even though it's not been agreed. I think regardless of the fact we know not everyone will behave the same as us, I suppose deep down you do hope that they are. P several of the guys and couples I am talking to are chatting to numerous others.. and have has many new verifications while we have been trying to sort something out. Only time it pisses me off is if I've got a meet set and they cancel with me to meet someone else. I don't get jealous just find it a waste of my time I can totally understand, my point merely being that the 2 of them are on different pages. Doesn't mean either of them are in the wrong, just not singing from the same hymn sheet. He may have felt a deeper connection than the lady in question. P" Yup, I don't know why people feel the need to be hard-hearted about it or unable to sympathize. The OP has just learned the hard way not to assume others will feel the same as him. I have had people ask me to be exclusive, if I liked them enough and they fulfilled my needs I would oblige. | |||
"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P Yes, well put. I don't think it is outdated to want to talk to or meet one person at a time either, just rare on a swingers site. Thanks Friskster, it's also rare I explain things too well either so yaaaay! I don't think it's outdated either, but agree it's rare. I can see how it would sting if you've been giving one person your whole attention, to discover they've not been doing the same even though it's not been agreed. I think regardless of the fact we know not everyone will behave the same as us, I suppose deep down you do hope that they are. P several of the guys and couples I am talking to are chatting to numerous others.. and have has many new verifications while we have been trying to sort something out. Only time it pisses me off is if I've got a meet set and they cancel with me to meet someone else. I don't get jealous just find it a waste of my time I can totally understand, my point merely being that the 2 of them are on different pages. Doesn't mean either of them are in the wrong, just not singing from the same hymn sheet. He may have felt a deeper connection than the lady in question. P Yup, I don't know why people feel the need to be hard-hearted about it or unable to sympathize. The OP has just learned the hard way not to assume others will feel the same as him. I have had people ask me to be exclusive, if I liked them enough and they fulfilled my needs I would oblige." Totally hear ya. Right now I have no interest in meeting others, unless of course B is with me, then bring it on B feels different to me, he meets others without me there. We have different mindsets. I do find it difficult to understand to a degree because I can only go on my own feelings and desires, and I have to accept that his aren't the same. It doesn't make them wrong, just different. What it comes down to is communication and compromise. They didn't have the open lines of communication to the degree the OP was expecting, and I can see how he could be stinging. It's not a crime to admit to having feelings and it doesn't make him weak or daft, a little naive maybe. P | |||
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"if you want a relationship you are on the wrong site" I have to disagree...... Lots of single women profiles are looking for a relationship..... Just in the forums alone there are 5 women who post regularly looking for relationship | |||
"Neither of those feelings tbh, people chat to multiple guys/gals in here, it is to be expected! Maybe they happened to be available at the same time and it doesn't mean she won't want to get together with you still." This | |||
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"Absolutely outraged. I'd try and discover where they worked and pelt them with dog shit as they entered the workplace. Or I wouldn't care. Probably that one." this | |||
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"I see no issue... surely that’s swinging? " this | |||
"Hey fk that - it works the other way round too! " | |||
"I think it's more of a sense of disappointment because you were hoping/expecting it to be you that she met. I can understand too, how if you felt a connection you also tend to become mates, as an open book I tell my mates if I've got a meet lined up, and I guess you felt out of the loop so to speak, or kept in the dark about it. She doesn't need to explain herself to you, but, I can understand you feeling the way you do (if it's what I've described) I think we expect people to be the same as us at times, and have the same values, openness and all that jazz, but you learn it's not the case. It doesn't mean their way is wrong, just different. P Yes, well put. I don't think it is outdated to want to talk to or meet one person at a time either, just rare on a swingers site. Thanks Friskster, it's also rare I explain things too well either so yaaaay! I don't think it's outdated either, but agree it's rare. I can see how it would sting if you've been giving one person your whole attention, to discover they've not been doing the same even though it's not been agreed. I think regardless of the fact we know not everyone will behave the same as us, I suppose deep down you do hope that they are. P Yup, I learned a very interesting phrase once - it's the 'violation of expectation' that often causes great hurt. Sometimes we learn too late to adjust our expectations accurately, sometimes we are deceived too. That is a superb phrase and very bloody accurate. Thank you. P" Brilliant explanation and responses... I have been on both sides of this, I’ve been told off for having a coffee with a guy and I’ve felt a bit off when I’m dropped for the better offer... Expect nothing then you can’t be disappointed x | |||
"When people post on the forum that they are looking for a fab fwb , and that a relationship is more important than notches , they are usually applauded . Yes there are always a few like me that point out the obvious , that being that it’s a swinging site and variety is why people are on here . Yet the op on this occasion is being lambasted for looking for just that , and universally . We don’t know what was said over the period of time he and this lady were conversing . She could have told him that he was the only one she wanted to meet ? I say this . He wanted to meet someone who felt the same way as he did , no doubt he told her this , and when he saw that she had met someone else he felt a bit let down . Perfectly natural . Keep looking mate , there will be someone looking for the same as you out there "You’ve just restored my faith in humanity with your words to the OP. | |||
