Right peeps
Need advice. My lady is very traditional, vanilla and shy...
I know she has fantasized over it before, but would love to see her with a lady.
Any advice?
Its not something I can just outright suggest....! |
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Bottle of wine and open, honest communication is the only way. Or pillow talk after the events after the bottle of wine lol
A club with the option to stay in the bar all night if you get her to agree to explore is a very good starting point.
Above all be very very patient! |
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"Bottle of wine and open, honest communication is the only way. Or pillow talk after the events after the bottle of wine lol
A club with the option to stay in the bar all night if you get her to agree to explore is a very good starting point.
Above all be very very patient!"
* THIS  * |
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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago
Stafford |
Fantasies sometimes should stay as that though. But I agree with the above. Crack open a bottle. Have a nice evening and then have a nice chat about what she would like and if even just having a look in a club would be something she would be interested in. Also make it clear that if you went and she didn't like it then you can leave immediately and that there's no pressure. She may even feel like she defirwants this but is worried what you or other people may think. So be reassuring and make sure it's a safe space to talk to her about it, cuddles ect. Even a few glasses of bubbles and a foot massage may help to relax her and allow her to speak freely. Good luck op |
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Why can't you suggest it? How else will she know what you're thinking if you don't say it? I don't mean just blurt it out but when you're talking about sex say its something you have a fantasy about. |
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Sorry I've not explained this very well...
A 'traditional' south Asian couple who doesn't drink, go to clubs or 'generally' have anything but vanilla sex..
Its a bit difficult to explain it here on this forum as we as a culture are quite insular, but you kinda get the idea.
I think. |
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"Sorry I've not explained this very well...
A 'traditional' south Asian couple who doesn't drink, go to clubs or 'generally' have anything but vanilla sex..
Its a bit difficult to explain it here on this forum as we as a culture are quite insular, but you kinda get the idea.
I think."
The only way to do it right is relaxed open conversation. If you can't find a way to that then it will never work. You have to be able to be honest with each other for this to stand a chance as a couple. |
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"Sorry I've not explained this very well...
A 'traditional' south Asian couple who doesn't drink, go to clubs or 'generally' have anything but vanilla sex..
Its a bit difficult to explain it here on this forum as we as a culture are quite insular, but you kinda get the idea.
I think."
There's still no substitute for conversation whatever your cultural background. Work on your emotional communication, build from that on your sexual communication and you will find it easier to talk about this. You already know she thinks about this so you must have discussed it before |
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By *isty286Couple
over a year ago
Dorset |
Make her a little book of vouchers, each with an open statement for her to fill in, such as: This voucher entitles me to try ............. without being in trouble for trying it.
She can then fill one in and hand it back to you to fulfill the wish and arrange what she has chosen, you might get requests for pie and mash or if you are lucky a MFF threes ome, either way good luck.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont focus on your desire to see her swing...take her right back to focus on her own sexuality as a whole. Have a conversation about what she likes and does not like about sex, what she would like to experience. Focus slowly and solely on encouraging her to explore her own wants and needs. Do not discuss your own - she needs to expand her own boundaries in her head in her own time.
Too many people ask a question of someone without wanting to know their answer instead they want it as an opener to answer the question themselves. You then close down her whereas you want her to open her mind to everything not just what u want her to consider. |
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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
Even though we've been together for 20 years, the hustle of daily life means sometimes it's difficult just to switch into being lovers again after a day of work and children and house.
If you think your wife is open to expanding your sex life, then you need icebreakers. Maybe watch a slightly racy movie together - there seem to be plenty on Netflix which are about exploring outside marriage including a TV series called You, Me, Her. It's a bit trite, but covers lots of issues such as jealousy, inadequacy etc which she may be worried about in embarking on a swinging lifestyle. So it could open up those conversations.
If you have broken the ice and are getting into expressing your fantasies to each other, then writing them down is sometimes easier. Even after all this time, we find it easier to run a private WhatsApp channel just for the two of us so we can tell each other what we want to do. The advantage of this is that you can say it when you feel it, and you can read it when you have time. There are no awkward moments when one is feeling like opening up and the other isn't feeling in the mood.
Another idea is to write a story, maybe together using say Google docs. You each write a scene. We have done that and it's lots of fun.
One major piece of advice - go slowly, thoughtfully and with great care.
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