FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > "guys please make an effort when messaging,. Why?
"guys please make an effort when messaging,. Why?
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"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" also half the time when efforts have been made ,we don't get a response ,or if we do it's a shitty 1 | |||
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"This has got to be the worst STORY/FANTASY ever, no build up, plot , erotica..... seriously disappointed ! "I'm sure the ending will be great. | |||
"This has got to be the worst STORY/FANTASY ever, no build up, plot , erotica..... seriously disappointed !
I'm sure the ending will be great."I just love a happy ending  | |||
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"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" Because sex via swinging on here is essentially a transaction. Couples and fems hold the power of the product. The message from the guy is an opening bid/sales pitch for access to that product. Poor approach/bid and you're out of the game as the market is competitive! | |||
"Putting all that effort in a message to not get a reply kind of takes its toll. A simple hi how are you. Let’s them know your intrested and if they like what they see and are intrested they can reply and conversation will progress. " But trawling through endless repetitive or awful messages also takes its toll. | |||
"Because I want to know why you're interested in me and why I should reply to you. I physically can't reply to all the messages I get, I'd rather spend more time considering the ones who've actually shown that they give a damn, rather than going for any wet* hole with a pulse* (*optional). Yes, it can feel that grim sometimes. " I concur. It's why my profile is now hidden!! Still get odd messages from complete strangers, thus proving the any hole is a goal theory  | |||
"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" I certainly don't think I'm something special, But I'd expect anyone messaging me be it a single male, female or couple... To put some effort into that message, just like I would if I send one. When I'm scrolling down a page of yellow, I'm not going up open every message, I don't have the time for that. I'm going to base my choice on the few things I can see, anything that is just "hey" "how's you" "hi" isn't going to cut it. | |||
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"It pisses me off when they write a novel on what their looking for then want you to complete an essay to prove that you read it! Fml im here for fun and that isn't fun lol" Neither is "hey bbe u up for (stuff I find objectionable or disgusting, written in a demeaning way)". It's one of the many things that I use to determine if this person respects my humanity and safety. Unfortunately I have to think about it. | |||
"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?! I certainly don't think I'm something special, But I'd expect anyone messaging me be it a single male, female or couple... To put some effort into that message, just like I would if I send one. When I'm scrolling down a page of yellow, I'm not going up open every message, I don't have the time for that. I'm going to base my choice on the few things I can see, anything that is just "hey" "how's you" "hi" isn't going to cut it. " And this. I ask for the same effort I put in when I send messages. | |||
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"Can see both sides to this. We’ve messaged people before giving a true appraisal of ourselves and after you’ve done that half a dozen times and only heard back from one it can get a bit soul destroying. You then drop back to ‘hi, how are you?’ as you’re half expecting no response so why waste time? " I get that. But I never, ever respond to first messages like the latter. I've tried, it doesn't work. I always consider personal messages. Unfortunately competition is stiff and replying to say no thanks just isn't a good way forward. | |||
"Can see both sides to this. We’ve messaged people before giving a true appraisal of ourselves and after you’ve done that half a dozen times and only heard back from one it can get a bit soul destroying. You then drop back to ‘hi, how are you?’ as you’re half expecting no response so why waste time? I get that. But I never, ever respond to first messages like the latter. I've tried, it doesn't work. I always consider personal messages. Unfortunately competition is stiff and replying to say no thanks just isn't a good way forward. " Can imagine being a bisexual lady the amount of messages you get must be enormously large too. You’ve got to filter them somehow!! | |||
"A simple hi how are you. Let’s them know your intrested and if they like what they see and are intrested they can reply and conversation will progress. " No it doesn't, it lets me know you aren't willing to invest a couple of minutes to read and react to my profile and that you're probably also sending the same to loads of others waiting for a response from anyone. It also hardly makes for the start of a riveting conversation. I get enough messages that have made an effort that I lose no sleep over simply deleting one liners. | |||
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"Can see both sides to this. We’ve messaged people before giving a true appraisal of ourselves and after you’ve done that half a dozen times and only heard back from one it can get a bit soul destroying. " But that's the nature of real life isn't it? We don't buy every house/car/set of clothes we might be interested in but still need to invest the time in order to find the one that's most 'perfect' | |||
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"Lol. While reading this I got a message just saying 'hi how are you?' If you can't engage our brains, you won't engage the body! Not to mention the fact men seem to always assume they are talking to the female of the relationship " What would you want from a first message? | |||
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"What would you expect to be asked babe ? " I for one wouldn't like to be addressed as babe. Babe is a pig in the city.. and I don't live in the city. P | |||
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"It is a vicious circle. Continually putting effort in, despite it being the thing people are asking for, and getting no replies from it is tough and demoralising which can often cause you to be a bit less bothered and start with the simple messages. On the flip side, the copy and paste messages that some people get, as they have said, can be a great indication that the original sender sees them as just another number to fuck, not an actual person. Ending up as just another "spam" message. If I see somebody I may be interested in and they have put effort in to their profile I will do the same with a message (or try to). If the profile is lacking then I'll keep it more basic but add a simple (but boring) "what are you interested in" or something similar since their profile won't give much detail. "  My approach too, I tend to reflect the effort in the ladies profile. | |||
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"Its hard for blokes to get a message across, as there are far to many fakes. My preffered method is to ask ladies and couples to refer to my veris and let them know what im looking for. Is there a correct way for a bloke to message????? "I wouldn't react well to that. There's no one correct way, but personal and going from the profile is key. | |||
"Putting all that effort in a message to not get a reply kind of takes its toll. A simple hi how are you. Let’s them know your intrested and if they like what they see and are intrested they can reply and conversation will progress. " Firstly, it becomes very obvious that the message is generic. Copy paste and fingers crossed. 2 days ago someone sent us (first message) their generic second message with the line "thanks for getting back to me, you're so cute, would you like to meet". Not a great first impression is it? Secondly, it's also obvious that they've only looked at the pics and not read the profile. If they did why would a white guy message couples who look for black guys only or visa versa? Thirdly, single guys message women or couples who are not looking for single guys. Fourthly, all they have are pics of their cock and no profile text that gives the merest insight to that person. Would we have anything in common? Why would we reply to just a penis's picture? Fifthly, just as single guys complain that couples and single fems have too high an opinion of themselves, a good percentage of the single guys on here think you're a slut and would fuck then regardless. If you don't answer within 5 mins you're a fridge or a tease. If you say no they then get abusive. So, even though is a toll, read the profile, see if you can find any common interests, make sure you fit the criteria of what they're looking for. They guys we've responded to are the ones that say they have read the profile, show why they've messaged, attached a face pic etc. | |||
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"Imagine you've gone to the trouble to write a personal message. Your profile is good, you think you have something to offer and have said so. Isn't it unfair to you (a guy who's done this) if I've bumped you off my list (because it's only physically or psychologically possible to have so many potential meets going at once) for a "hi bbe fancy a fukk ur hawt" on a fill in later cock shot profile? " To be fair, I've had the majority of my messages (effort put in to them) go unanswered, with a fairly decent profile with effort also put in to that. I'm not complaining, I'm clearly not what they are looking for, and as you rightfully state you can only have so many potentials at once. Despite having seen it said multiple times across the forum in various threads I can honestly say I have not see my chances change between a good message and a effortless one - that won't stop me from putting the effort in but the content of a message for the majority is low priority compared to attraction (pics). | |||
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"Imagine you've gone to the trouble to write a personal message. Your profile is good, you think you have something to offer and have said so. Isn't it unfair to you (a guy who's done this) if I've bumped you off my list (because it's only physically or psychologically possible to have so many potential meets going at once) for a "hi bbe fancy a fukk ur hawt" on a fill in later cock shot profile? To be fair, I've had the majority of my messages (effort put in to them) go unanswered, with a fairly decent profile with effort also put in to that. I'm not complaining, I'm clearly not what they are looking for, and as you rightfully state you can only have so many potentials at once. Despite having seen it said multiple times across the forum in various threads I can honestly say I have not see my chances change between a good message and a effortless one - that won't stop me from putting the effort in but the content of a message for the majority is low priority compared to attraction (pics)." I agree with your statement mate. I also put effort in my most of my messages and see no difference. I've had an indepth profile before and now a short one, again no difference in my responses. Good luck | |||
"Imagine you've gone to the trouble to write a personal message. Your profile is good, you think you have something to offer and have said so. Isn't it unfair to you (a guy who's done this) if I've bumped you off my list (because it's only physically or psychologically possible to have so many potential meets going at once) for a "hi bbe fancy a fukk ur hawt" on a fill in later cock shot profile? To be fair, I've had the majority of my messages (effort put in to them) go unanswered, with a fairly decent profile with effort also put in to that. I'm not complaining, I'm clearly not what they are looking for, and as you rightfully state you can only have so many potentials at once. Despite having seen it said multiple times across the forum in various threads I can honestly say I have not see my chances change between a good message and a effortless one - that won't stop me from putting the effort in but the content of a message for the majority is low priority compared to attraction (pics). I agree with your statement mate. I also put effort in my most of my messages and see no difference. I've had an indepth profile before and now a short one, again no difference in my responses. Good luck" I can only speak for myself, obviously. But I've deleted many messages from hot guys and couples with good veris, who can't be arsed sending me a personal message. | |||
"Imagine you've gone to the trouble to write a personal message. Your profile is good, you think you have something to offer and have said so. Isn't it unfair to you (a guy who's done this) if I've bumped you off my list (because it's only physically or psychologically possible to have so many potential meets going at once) for a "hi bbe fancy a fukk ur hawt" on a fill in later cock shot profile? To be fair, I've had the majority of my messages (effort put in to them) go unanswered, with a fairly decent profile with effort also put in to that. I'm not complaining, I'm clearly not what they are looking for, and as you rightfully state you can only have so many potentials at once. Despite having seen it said multiple times across the forum in various threads I can honestly say I have not see my chances change between a good message and a effortless one - that won't stop me from putting the effort in but the content of a message for the majority is low priority compared to attraction (pics). I agree with your statement mate. I also put effort in my most of my messages and see no difference. I've had an indepth profile before and now a short one, again no difference in my responses. Good luck I can only speak for myself, obviously. But I've deleted many messages from hot guys and couples with good veris, who can't be arsed sending me a personal message. " Sorry I didn't mean it as everyone or that the message means nothing. It is a huge first impression factor. I just mean in general the effort in a first message means very little if the people you are sending it to doesn't like everything else. Which again nothing wrong with that as it's all down to preference. I mean I don't send messages to every woman on here because they are not what I'm looking for (same reason I don't get replies). Just that I could make the most amazing first message in the history of first messages and it won't mean shit if they are not attracted to me. Yet I've seen a fair few people make it seem like (regardless of if they do) the message itself is a massive factor when in reality it's the first impression yes but means nothing if the rest is not to their liking. | |||
"Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. You could write a magnificent prose and be ignored. You could write “fancy a fuck” at exactly the right time and get it spot on. There’s so real answer that’s going to help. For me. I click the profile of the sender (whoever it is) if the first line of a message hits the right spot, and if it appeals I’ll read the rest of the message. I won’t reply unless I think there’s going to be a mutual interest and attraction. V x " I think that sums it up perfectly for me | |||
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"You could be Mark Twain but it won't make a difference if they don't find you attractive. Some profiles are pretty vague too, just certain things to pick up on age, location, name, veris." That's true, if the attraction isn't there it means nothing | |||
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"You could be Mark Twain but it won't make a difference if they don't find you attractive. Some profiles are pretty vague too, just certain things to pick up on age, location, name, veris. That's true, if the attraction isn't there it means nothing" Wtf we agreeing again  told you I don't like that. | |||
"I mean if woman are going to moan about the lack of effort in the message only to reject you for lack of tattoo or hair or height or distance or just that you are not TOM HARDY I can see why men don't make the effort anymore. " That's kind of it. Attraction with bad message - rejected (likely) No attraction with bad message - rejected No attraction with great message - rejected Atteaction with great message - accepted This is generally how it goes down. There nothing wrong with that, attraction is important,kind of hard to have sexy fun time if you don't find the other person(s) attractive. Just please don't try to make out that a literary masterpiece of a first message will do anything outside of maybe give our profile a view. If and when I do finally get some sort of interest reply I often find that the convo is very much one sided (effort on me) then they suddenly stop talking (I'm not that boring am I?) As I have said, I will continue to put effort in to my messages when I feel the person has done so with their profile because that's just the person I am. There is just no way the evidence points towards the first message being a large contribution. | |||
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"I mean if woman are going to moan about the lack of effort in the message only to reject you for lack of tattoo or hair or height or distance or just that you are not TOM HARDY I can see why men don't make the effort anymore. That's kind of it. Attraction with bad message - rejected (likely) No attraction with bad message - rejected No attraction with great message - rejected Atteaction with great message - accepted This is generally how it goes down. There nothing wrong with that, attraction is important,kind of hard to have sexy fun time if you don't find the other person(s) attractive. Just please don't try to make out that a literary masterpiece of a first message will do anything outside of maybe give our profile a view. If and when I do finally get some sort of interest reply I often find that the convo is very much one sided (effort on me) then they suddenly stop talking (I'm not that boring am I?) As I have said, I will continue to put effort in to my messages when I feel the person has done so with their profile because that's just the person I am. There is just no way the evidence points towards the first message being a large contribution. " As ever it's demand and supply. Lots of men chasing few couples and women. Hence the former have to bring a lot more to the table than the latter. | |||
"I mean if woman are going to moan about the lack of effort in the message only to reject you for lack of tattoo or hair or height or distance or just that you are not TOM HARDY I can see why men don't make the effort anymore. That's kind of it. Attraction with bad message - rejected (likely) No attraction with bad message - rejected No attraction with great message - rejected Atteaction with great message - accepted This is generally how it goes down. There nothing wrong with that, attraction is important,kind of hard to have sexy fun time if you don't find the other person(s) attractive. Just please don't try to make out that a literary masterpiece of a first message will do anything outside of maybe give our profile a view. If and when I do finally get some sort of interest reply I often find that the convo is very much one sided (effort on me) then they suddenly stop talking (I'm not that boring am I?) As I have said, I will continue to put effort in to my messages when I feel the person has done so with their profile because that's just the person I am. There is just no way the evidence points towards the first message being a large contribution. As ever it's demand and supply. Lots of men chasing few couples and women. Hence the former have to bring a lot more to the table than the latter. " Oh definitely, I'm not questioning that at all. I understand that's how it works and don't have issue with what or who people find attractive, it is the emphasis on how much a good first message makes to success chance of getting a reply. Overall it is very little other than a higher chance that they will take a look. Yet I have seen a few comments, at least worded, that make it seem like a great first message is the answer to getting replies. | |||
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"Our examples would be. How ru (with or without question mark) Rejected. Wanna chat? Rejected. Wanna meet? Rejected. "Who's near" says you are close (when we are not even in the same country) Rejected. Hi, I've read your profile and I'm in your area. I would love to meet you in a club. Meet accepted with or without attraction. Anything more will be decided (by both parties) on the meet." Yes, not everyone is all about the attraction. Same as not all guys send effortless messages. I probably have no made that clear in my rants  but a lot of guys will probably confirm it is definitely not the norm for a reply. | |||
"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" I have put more effort into messages than a writer puts in to a novel and not really that many replies so a lady i know joked just be blunt and say want to meet you fancy a chat then meet and you know what it worked last time i was on here  | |||
" Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" This is not the words of someone aiming to please, you should change your username to bitch, please! | |||
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"I mean if woman are going to moan about the lack of effort in the message only to reject you for lack of tattoo or hair or height or distance or just that you are not TOM HARDY I can see why men don't make the effort anymore. That's kind of it. Attraction with bad message - rejected (likely) No attraction with bad message - rejected No attraction with great message - rejected Atteaction with great message - accepted This is generally how it goes down. There nothing wrong with that, attraction is important,kind of hard to have sexy fun time if you don't find the other person(s) attractive. Just please don't try to make out that a literary masterpiece of a first message will do anything outside of maybe give our profile a view. If and when I do finally get some sort of interest reply I often find that the convo is very much one sided (effort on me) then they suddenly stop talking (I'm not that boring am I?) As I have said, I will continue to put effort in to my messages when I feel the person has done so with their profile because that's just the person I am. There is just no way the evidence points towards the first message being a large contribution. As ever it's demand and supply. Lots of men chasing few couples and women. Hence the former have to bring a lot more to the table than the latter. Oh definitely, I'm not questioning that at all. I understand that's how it works and don't have issue with what or who people find attractive, it is the emphasis on how much a good first message makes to success chance of getting a reply. Overall it is very little other than a higher chance that they will take a look. Yet I have seen a few comments, at least worded, that make it seem like a great first message is the answer to getting replies. " From our point of view re single men the following applies. We meet single men essentially for Katie and she is mainly interested in physical attraction. So 1. If you are 25 to 40 and in good shape and said a message that's not crude or insulting, you'll get a reply. 2. If you send a good message and you are reasonably physically attractive to Katie, there's a chance you'll get a reply. 3. If she doesn't find you physically attractive it doesn't matter what you write. So a decent message makes a difference to the average guy as it were. | |||
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"It pisses me off when they write a novel on what their looking for then want you to complete an essay to prove that you read it! Fml im here for fun and that isn't fun lol Neither is "hey bbe u up for (stuff I find objectionable or disgusting, written in a demeaning way)". It's one of the many things that I use to determine if this person respects my humanity and safety. Unfortunately I have to think about it. " | |||
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"From our point of view re single men the following applies. We meet single men essentially for Katie and she is mainly interested in physical attraction. So 1. If you are 25 to 40 and in good shape and said a message that's not crude or insulting, you'll get a reply. 2. If you send a good message and you are reasonably physically attractive to Katie, there's a chance you'll get a reply. 3. If she doesn't find you physically attractive it doesn't matter what you write. So a decent message makes a difference to the average guy as it were. " Oh I'm not saying it makes No difference but bottom line is attraction wins and trumps the message, a great message is better than a bad one but without the attraction it may as well have been a bad message when it comes to the end result. As you have said yourself, of which I have no argument with, I agree with it. | |||
"as soon as you send a message, delete it from your 'sent' inbox. That way you wouldn't stress over whether or not it was read, and when the reply comes, it would be an unexpected surprise. " To be honest, I also do this as I'm not going to get hung up on who doesn't reply to me whether I had initiated the message or was replying to one | |||
"as soon as you send a message, delete it from your 'sent' inbox. That way you wouldn't stress over whether or not it was read, and when the reply comes, it would be an unexpected surprise. To be honest, I also do this as I'm not going to get hung up on who doesn't reply to me whether I had initiated the message or was replying to one "I have started doing this too of late. | |||
"From our point of view re single men the following applies. We meet single men essentially for Katie and she is mainly interested in physical attraction. So 1. If you are 25 to 40 and in good shape and said a message that's not crude or insulting, you'll get a reply. 2. If you send a good message and you are reasonably physically attractive to Katie, there's a chance you'll get a reply. 3. If she doesn't find you physically attractive it doesn't matter what you write. So a decent message makes a difference to the average guy as it were. Oh I'm not saying it makes No difference but bottom line is attraction wins and trumps the message, a great message is better than a bad one but without the attraction it may as well have been a bad message when it comes to the end result. As you have said yourself, of which I have no argument with, I agree with it. " We do indeed agree. People write a lot about personality being the important, but at the end of the day you won't get anywhere without physical attraction. | |||
"Putting all that effort in a message to not get a reply kind of takes its toll. A simple hi how are you. Let’s them know your intrested and if they like what they see and are intrested they can reply and conversation will progress. " and guys wonder why they get no replies ..i can tell you all the ''hi how are you'' do nothing for me except hit the delete button ..you messages me ?? why should i take the time to go check you out when i have another 100++ messages to go thru and in that lot there will be messages from guys who make the effot. | |||
"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" Its not about being special. It's about women and couples having more messages to sift through than the male demographic. If someone wants a chance of meeting, their message does usually have to stand out, otherwise it will get overlooked. Is it fair? Possibly not. But it is the reality | |||
"From our point of view re single men the following applies. We meet single men essentially for Katie and she is mainly interested in physical attraction. So 1. If you are 25 to 40 and in good shape and said a message that's not crude or insulting, you'll get a reply. 2. If you send a good message and you are reasonably physically attractive to Katie, there's a chance you'll get a reply. 3. If she doesn't find you physically attractive it doesn't matter what you write. So a decent message makes a difference to the average guy as it were. Oh I'm not saying it makes No difference but bottom line is attraction wins and trumps the message, a great message is better than a bad one but without the attraction it may as well have been a bad message when it comes to the end result. As you have said yourself, of which I have no argument with, I agree with it. " That's fair. In all honesty, i need all 3. A good humorous message, some pictures I'm attracted to and an intriguing profile write up. Though if the message is so good that it makes me laugh, i do reply | |||
"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" Because women have what men like and the least you can do if you want them to treat you is to be bloody civil, polite and interesting. It's not a lot to ask for the rewards and pleasures on offer | |||
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"Because it's really boring getting 50 messages a day that say "hi how ru?"" | |||
"I wonder if there's any correlation between men who send respectful opening messages which have taken time and effort and those who are respectful and put effort in as lovers?" In my experience, definitely | |||
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"Because it's really boring getting 50 messages a day that say "hi how ru?"" Makes it easier to sift out the dross then surely?! Just one or two good messages saves you time?  | |||
"#januarywhingeathoncontinues" Haha I'm sure it will be here all year | |||
"Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. You could write a magnificent prose and be ignored. You could write “fancy a fuck” at exactly the right time and get it spot on. There’s so real answer that’s going to help. For me. I click the profile of the sender (whoever it is) if the first line of a message hits the right spot, and if it appeals I’ll read the rest of the message. I won’t reply unless I think there’s going to be a mutual interest and attraction. V x " Exactly this. If the profile appeals then we start chatting, regardless of how long, or short the first message is...some people's forte is not writing messages, but they may be fantastic at fucking. We wouldn't want to miss out on the basis of an initial poor intro...That's our approach, but understand a unicorn single lady may have a 100 messages and needs to look for something that stands out from the crowd... | |||
"#januarywhingeathoncontinues Haha I'm sure it will be here all year "Of course, we need a thread... brb... | |||
"#januarywhingeathoncontinues Haha I'm sure it will be here all year "Whingeanda forever! | |||
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"#januarywhingeathoncontinues Haha I'm sure it will be here all year
Whingeanda forever! "How about this?
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/838701#message_18493273 | |||
"#januarywhingeathoncontinues Haha I'm sure it will be here all year
Whingeanda forever!
How about this?
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/838701#message_18493273 "Hahaha This is so needed! | |||
"#januarywhingeathoncontinues Haha I'm sure it will be here all year
Whingeanda forever!
How about this?
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/838701#message_18493273
Hahaha This is so needed! "Can we overtake the BBW threads I wonder? | |||
"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" in our experianc we find most single guys send boreing basic messages that don't deserve a reply, most just say hi or hi how are you or wanna meet tonite, or im in your area wanna meet and also the sad text speak the younger generation tend to use, we like a message with some content relating to our profile and what interests him in our profile, a small amount of effort to read a profile first | |||
" Because sex via swinging on here is essentially a transaction. Couples and fems hold the power of the product. The message from the guy is an opening bid/sales pitch for access to that product. Poor approach/bid and you're out of the game as the market is competitive!" Best comment I've ever seen in forum x | |||
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"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" The ratio of single men to single women on here is probably 75/1. And if I'm wrong, then it definitely feels like it. So, I suppose in a non passive-agressive way (unlike the way that I think you intended it), single fems are classed as 'special' on this site | |||
"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?! The ratio of single men to single women on here is probably 75/1. And if I'm wrong, then it definitely feels like it. So, I suppose in a non passive-agressive way (unlike the way that I think you intended it), single fems are classed as 'special' on this site "to say the least most think they are the next big thing | |||
" Because sex via swinging on here is essentially a transaction. Couples and fems hold the power of the product. The message from the guy is an opening bid/sales pitch for access to that product. Poor approach/bid and you're out of the game as the market is competitive! Best comment I've ever seen in forum x" Should be added to the FAQs | |||
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"My serious answer is that it has nothing to do with Fab, if a man wants to get my attention online in a shop, at a conference or wherever he needs to make an effort. Its that simple "Indeed. I know I'm not special, but many of the messages I get here are the equivalent of (or worse than) shouted propositions in the street. In person, I would pretend to ignore while gauging the potential threat. I'd answer generic questions, most likely, but if I got as many as I got here, or people expected to get something other than politeness out of me... they'd get little or nothing. | |||
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"#januarywhingeathoncontinues" Or is it a truthafon Not all ladies are like this see profiles from ladies seeking real men the thing they forgot is about the fake nails fake boobs fake hair extensions fake tan of course you looking for a real man what ever | |||
"#januarywhingeathoncontinues Or is it a truthafon Not all ladies are like this see profiles from ladies seeking real men the thing they forgot is about the fake nails fake boobs fake hair extensions fake tan of course you looking for a real man what ever "If that's the kind of woman you like, then more power to you. | |||
"#januarywhingeathoncontinues Or is it a truthafon Not all ladies are like this see profiles from ladies seeking real men the thing they forgot is about the fake nails fake boobs fake hair extensions fake tan of course you looking for a real man what ever "Kinda speechless! | |||
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"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?! Because sex via swinging on here is essentially a transaction. Couples and fems hold the power of the product. The message from the guy is an opening bid/sales pitch for access to that product. Poor approach/bid and you're out of the game as the market is competitive!" This in a nutshell! If we want great quality meets then we ALL need to view this as sales and marketing - not just the guys! I put a hell of a lot of effort into my profile text and pictures. Because of that - if I send a message to a chap or (very occasionally) a couple - it’s generally just a very brief one complementing their profile and pics and letting them know I’m interested if they are! That’s all I expect from the people who contact me! If you put plenty of effort into your profile and pictures then you don’t need to write war and peace with every message! | |||
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"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?! Because sex via swinging on here is essentially a transaction. Couples and fems hold the power of the product. The message from the guy is an opening bid/sales pitch for access to that product. Poor approach/bid and you're out of the game as the market is competitive! This in a nutshell! If we want great quality meets then we ALL need to view this as sales and marketing - not just the guys! I put a hell of a lot of effort into my profile text and pictures. Because of that - if I send a message to a chap or (very occasionally) a couple - it’s generally just a very brief one complementing their profile and pics and letting them know I’m interested if they are! That’s all I expect from the people who contact me! If you put plenty of effort into your profile and pictures then you don’t need to write war and peace with every message! "Agreed xx | |||
"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?! Because sex via swinging on here is essentially a transaction. Couples and fems hold the power of the product. The message from the guy is an opening bid/sales pitch for access to that product. Poor approach/bid and you're out of the game as the market is competitive!" Well put | |||
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"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" No its because you aren't, 1 of a million, and it's a way of ing out those who are lazy and with attitude problems. | |||
"#januarywhingeathoncontinues Or is it a truthafon Not all ladies are like this see profiles from ladies seeking real men the thing they forgot is about the fake nails fake boobs fake hair extensions fake tan of course you looking for a real man what ever
If that's the kind of woman you like, then more power to you. "You could decipher that? | |||
"Because it's really boring getting 50 messages a day that say "hi how ru?"" This | |||
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"So basically men don't like the messaging system on here. And women don't like it either. Perhaps Fab needs to try something different then! "Nooo women* do like it, but they enjoy moaning about it even more. The complainers have the option to block men and do the messaging themselves (like on Bumble), but they don’t like that either (*not all women. Just those that moan publicly) | |||
"Men heavily outnumber the women on this site, so yes I expect a bit of effort put into a message not only that, it's your chance to stand out from the 100s of other guys who've sent me "up 4 a shag babes" or "how R u" messages. I am not turned on by crude messages or someone who can't take 5 minutes to read and compose a decent message. Sell yourself, some (especially me) are not attracted on looks alone, so it tells me alot about a person if they have a well written profile and an eye catching introduction. " This. I know for most people on here physical attraction is the most important thing in deciding on who you want to meet. You have to find the face attractive. It’s normal. We all do it. How you decide who you are attracted to is unique to you. We are all unique individuals in our looks, body shape, body size, height, mannerisms, thoughts, sexual desires, wants, needs, etc. How you decide who you want to meet is obviously 100% your right. At the end of the day to a certain extent we no control over who it is we find sexy and who it is we are attracted to. We all find some we people meet or see a photograph of sexy. On the opposite side of the coin we all find some people we meet or see a photograph of not sexy. You didn’t deliberately set out to find a certain person sexy or not your brain and subconscious mind did this naturally. We may not admit it but we all play the would I wouldn’t game when we meet somebody of the opposite sex. Maybe we do it on a subconscious level sometimes. However, when we meet somebody or see a photograph of them we quickly decide if given the chance we would have sex with them or not. You should never feel hurt if somebody says you are not their type. We can't be attractive to everybody we meet. Nobody is attractive to everyone they meet and nobody is not attractive everyone they meet. Obviously the % of opposite sex who found you attractive will vary from person to person based on your looks. For example, some women on here say they don't find Brad Pitt or George Clooney sexy while millions of women do. One of my friends would chop his left leg off to have sex with Keira Knightley and personally, she does nothing for me. I am not attracted to her looks wise and think she is too skinny body wise. A woman should have curves lol. If we were all attracted to the same things/people life would be very boring. Sometimes I can see a super model and think yeah your really beautiful looking and have a great body but I am not attracted to you. Sometimes for want of a better phrase I can see a plain Jane and think wow you are sexy as hell. We all want to fuck who we are attracted to. However as PrettyLittleThing says sometimes for some men and women it is not just about physical attraction alone. There are lots of other things that are connected to attraction. I am not saying for others it is just about physical attraction alone but as some people have said in this thread if they are not attracted to the persons face nothing is going to happen even if their personality and or body is the world’s best. Luckily for us less gorgeous faced people personality can be a deciding factor in somebody finding you attractive. Sometimes it is about selling you and letting your personality shine through. I know it is a bit if cliché and not always true but personality does count for a lot. I know a few people in this post have said you can have the world’s best personality and a great body but if I am not attracted to your face then it’s not happening. That is fair enough. That is 100% their right to do that. If you want to entice the other person to want to know about you and to get to know you then sending a decent message with an up to date full body and face pic will do help you do that. Making sure your profile is good will help. Forget the fact you may hardly ever get a reply to your well crafted messages. Just because other women or couples have not replied to your well thought out message should not mean future women get a one line “Hi how R U?” message. What I am basically saying is you don’t have to be a male model to get a meet. To get a meet you have to put effort in and be prepared to go months without getting a meet. I have a good friend on here. He is a single guy in his early 50’s. To put it politely he is far from being good looking and is slightly overweight. He isn’t a virgin and has had proper relationships in the past. He will not mind me saying this as I am not naming him. As far as meets goes he does ok for his looks and quite a bit better than average for his looks. The reason he does ok is he has a great personality and is a very funny guy. He lets his personality, humour and sense of fun shine in both his messages and profile. He realises as he is not a very good looking guy he has to put more effort in than a good looking guy. Let’s be honest here a really good looking guy doesn’t have to put a lot of effort in his messages. His face does all the selling for him. I guess for my friend the old saying of you can laugh a woman into bed is true. I asked him a few days ago over a pint how he does so well in getting meets. He said I know I am not the best looking guy in the world so I let my personality help me a bit. This is what he said to me paraphrased in list form. 1. I realise how important your profile is. I also realise a lot of people when they get your message first read your profile. If they like your profile your message you sent them message gets read if they don’t like your profile the message gets deleted or left unread. First I spent a long time writing my profile. I tried to make it humorous so people can see my sense of fun and see the funny side of me. I wanted them to see I like to have a laugh and don’t take life too seriously. I did my best to let my personality shine through my profile. I also put what I am looking for and what I can offer to women and couples. I put my sexual turn ons and turn offs so people can also see if we are compatible on a this is what we like to do sexually level. I made sure my profile is my profile. I didn’t put a message up on the forums asking people what they think I should put in my profile. To be bit blunt strangers don’t know me and therefore don’t know what I should be putting in my profile. My profile is not going to be liked by everyone. Some people who read it may think my humour is crap. We all laugh at different things. Humour/comedy is subjective. Nobody will ever create a profile that is liked by everyone. Rule number one in Fab club is according to my friend put some effort into your profile. Sell yourself. Why should women or couples meet you? What can you offer that is different to the other thousands of guys on here? What is it about your profile that entices people to reply to your email or god forbid even make the first contact? 2. I have some decent up to date pictures up on my profile. I keep face pics for sending privately. I don’t have any photos of my cock. Women know what a cock looks like. I have never had a meet ask me for a photo of my cock. 3. I never send a one line message. I think one line messages show a lack of respect for the person or couple you are emailing. One line messages are lazy. One line messages don’t sell you. One line messages make me think “How many one line messages have they sent today? 40? 100?” 4. I am not disheartened if somebody says that I am not their type. We can’t all be everybody’s type and nobody is everybody’s type. I never send a why not reply or an abusive reply. I am an adult not child. Sending a why not message is not going to get them to change their mind. Sending an abusive message is definitely not going to get them to change their mind. I never send a thank you for your reply message in case it is seen as a way to carry on emailing. I am an adult I know when no means no. I see a no reply as a no thank you. I don’t think they are rude for not replying. 5. I am one of the rare men who read profiles and don’t just look at the pictures lol. I never play the any hole is a goal game. I only message people I am attracted to and find interesting. I only email people whose criteria I meet. There is no point in me emailing a woman or couple who wants to meet guys 6 foot plus when I am five foot eight. I know swinging is about sex but I also have to like the people I am meeting. Some men choose the people they email solely on the profile pictures. I don’t. Of course I look at pictures. Of course I find a lot of women on Fab sexy. There are some seriously sexy women on fab of all ages. However, for me it has to be more than just about a sexy woman/couple. Their profile also has to grab me. They can be sexy as hell but if their profile doesn’t grab me I will not email them. I also will not do things I am not into just to get a meet. For example, I would not be a woman’s sub just because I find her sexy as the dom sub thing is not for me. If a couple are into watersports I wouldn’t let them piss on me just to get a meet as I am not into watersports. I am not looking for another notch on my bedpost. Each message I send out is unique to the sender. I never send out a generic copy and paste message. Copy and paste messages are very easy to spot, very lazy, and insulting to the person you’re emailing. I also thinks one line messages are insulting and lazy. I always try to make my messages humorous as well as unique. Also try to let my personality shine in my messages. I tell them what I liked about their profile and why I think we would be compatible to get to know each other a little bit more. I never say meet as it is too early doors for me. I want to get to know them a little bit more first before we talk about meeting. 6. I have to like the woman or couple I am meeting and prefer to get to know them online first. It also gives them a chance to get to know me. It gives me another chance to sell me. I sell me by being me and not tying to be somebody I am not. I always give the women and couples I email the respect they deserve. If I email a couple I always remember they are a couple. I never just address the female half. I would never ask the female of a couple to meet me alone unless of course that was their thing and she proved her other half was ok with it. Sometimes you may be physically attracted to somebody face and body wise but as soon as you get to know them and their personality you are quickly turned off them. If a woman thinks she can get by on just her looks alone it puts me off her. I want to meet a woman who has more to offer than just her good looks or sexy body. I have often spoken to a woman or couple for a while online before we have met. As I have said previously I have to like the people I meet. I may not be the best looking guy in the world but that doesn’t mean I can’t have standards, needs, or desires. As well as liking the people I meet I am obviously looking to meet people who are into the same things sexually as me. A profile can only tell you so much about a person. Getting to know people online first really gives you time to get to know each other. It may be once you get to know a person/couple online your attraction increases. It may also be once you get to know them online you would never want to meet them and they put you off them. Getting to know people online hopefully s out the fantasists, single guys pretending to be a couple /woman, people looking for an ego boost, timewasters, weirdoes, psychos, etc. 7. There are a lot of timewasters and fantasists on fab. Lots of women and couples get let down by single guys. I have never done that and never would. Due to me spending time getting to know people, being funny, reliable, honest, genuinely single, and can accommodate I often find my meets turn into ongoing meets. They are not just one off meets. I like that as each meet gets better and better. Another thing my mate said and I agree with is what we would do if we were a woman or couple on here. If I was a woman or couple on here I would take time getting to know somebody online first. If single guy emails you make him wait. Make him get to know you online first. It also gives you a chance to get to know him. It also gives you a chance to hopefully get rid of the guys who don’t respect you, the any whole is a goal guys, the “Fancy a fuck?” guys, the guys looking for a quick notch on their bedpost, the timewasters, the fantasists, the liars, the married/in a relationship guys, the idiots, the psychopaths, etc. If a guy is not prepared to get to know you as person and show you he doesn’t just see you as a sex object for his cock then why meet him? I am sure somebody will call me a white knight. So be it lol. Anyway, numbers 1 to 7 are my friend’s words paraphrased not my words. | |||
"Please can someone explain the reasons why single guys get told to make an effort into messaging I've played as a couple and never been asked to do this Would I be right in thinking .. you are something special?!" Because I fucking hate getting messages asking whee I live before they have said hi or enquired if I might like to meet them (bearing in mind they have no face or body pics and are probably married or cheating). Yes I am something special, do the work, I do, | |||
"Men heavily outnumber the women on this site, so yes I expect a bit of effort put into a message not only that, it's your chance to stand out from the 100s of other guys who've sent me "up 4 a shag babes" or "how R u" messages. I am not turned on by crude messages or someone who can't take 5 minutes to read and compose a decent message. Sell yourself, some (especially me) are not attracted on looks alone, so it tells me alot about a person if they have a well written profile and an eye catching introduction. This. I know for most people on here physical attraction is the most important thing in deciding on who you want to meet. You have to find the face attractive. It’s normal. We all do it. How you decide who you are attracted to is unique to you. We are all unique individuals in our looks, body shape, body size, height, mannerisms, thoughts, sexual desires, wants, needs, etc. How you decide who you want to meet is obviously 100% your right. At the end of the day to a certain extent we no control over who it is we find sexy and who it is we are attracted to. We all find some we people meet or see a photograph of sexy. On the opposite side of the coin we all find some people we meet or see a photograph of not sexy. You didn’t deliberately set out to find a certain person sexy or not your brain and subconscious mind did this naturally. We may not admit it but we all play the would I wouldn’t game when we meet somebody of the opposite sex. Maybe we do it on a subconscious level sometimes. However, when we meet somebody or see a photograph of them we quickly decide if given the chance we would have sex with them or not. You should never feel hurt if somebody says you are not their type. We can't be attractive to everybody we meet. Nobody is attractive to everyone they meet and nobody is not attractive everyone they meet. Obviously the % of opposite sex who found you attractive will vary from person to person based on your looks. For example, some women on here say they don't find Brad Pitt or George Clooney sexy while millions of women do. One of my friends would chop his left leg off to have sex with Keira Knightley and personally, she does nothing for me. I am not attracted to her looks wise and think she is too skinny body wise. A woman should have curves lol. If we were all attracted to the same things/people life would be very boring. Sometimes I can see a super model and think yeah your really beautiful looking and have a great body but I am not attracted to you. Sometimes for want of a better phrase I can see a plain Jane and think wow you are sexy as hell. We all want to fuck who we are attracted to. However as PrettyLittleThing says sometimes for some men and women it is not just about physical attraction alone. There are lots of other things that are connected to attraction. I am not saying for others it is just about physical attraction alone but as some people have said in this thread if they are not attracted to the persons face nothing is going to happen even if their personality and or body is the world’s best. Luckily for us less gorgeous faced people personality can be a deciding factor in somebody finding you attractive. Sometimes it is about selling you and letting your personality shine through. I know it is a bit if cliché and not always true but personality does count for a lot. I know a few people in this post have said you can have the world’s best personality and a great body but if I am not attracted to your face then it’s not happening. That is fair enough. That is 100% their right to do that. If you want to entice the other person to want to know about you and to get to know you then sending a decent message with an up to date full body and face pic will do help you do that. Making sure your profile is good will help. Forget the fact you may hardly ever get a reply to your well crafted messages. Just because other women or couples have not replied to your well thought out message should not mean future women get a one line “Hi how R U?” message. What I am basically saying is you don’t have to be a male model to get a meet. To get a meet you have to put effort in and be prepared to go months without getting a meet. I have a good friend on here. He is a single guy in his early 50’s. To put it politely he is far from being good looking and is slightly overweight. He isn’t a virgin and has had proper relationships in the past. He will not mind me saying this as I am not naming him. As far as meets goes he does ok for his looks and quite a bit better than average for his looks. The reason he does ok is he has a great personality and is a very funny guy. He lets his personality, humour and sense of fun shine in both his messages and profile. He realises as he is not a very good looking guy he has to put more effort in than a good looking guy. Let’s be honest here a really good looking guy doesn’t have to put a lot of effort in his messages. His face does all the selling for him. I guess for my friend the old saying of you can laugh a woman into bed is true. I asked him a few days ago over a pint how he does so well in getting meets. He said I know I am not the best looking guy in the world so I let my personality help me a bit. This is what he said to me paraphrased in list form. 1. I realise how important your profile is. I also realise a lot of people when they get your message first read your profile. If they like your profile your message you sent them message gets read if they don’t like your profile the message gets deleted or left unread. First I spent a long time writing my profile. I tried to make it humorous so people can see my sense of fun and see the funny side of me. I wanted them to see I like to have a laugh and don’t take life too seriously. I did my best to let my personality shine through my profile. I also put what I am looking for and what I can offer to women and couples. I put my sexual turn ons and turn offs so people can also see if we are compatible on a this is what we like to do sexually level. I made sure my profile is my profile. I didn’t put a message up on the forums asking people what they think I should put in my profile. To be bit blunt strangers don’t know me and therefore don’t know what I should be putting in my profile. My profile is not going to be liked by everyone. Some people who read it may think my humour is crap. We all laugh at different things. Humour/comedy is subjective. Nobody will ever create a profile that is liked by everyone. Rule number one in Fab club is according to my friend put some effort into your profile. Sell yourself. Why should women or couples meet you? What can you offer that is different to the other thousands of guys on here? What is it about your profile that entices people to reply to your email or god forbid even make the first contact? 2. I have some decent up to date pictures up on my profile. I keep face pics for sending privately. I don’t have any photos of my cock. Women know what a cock looks like. I have never had a meet ask me for a photo of my cock. 3. I never send a one line message. I think one line messages show a lack of respect for the person or couple you are emailing. One line messages are lazy. One line messages don’t sell you. One line messages make me think “How many one line messages have they sent today? 40? 100?” 4. I am not disheartened if somebody says that I am not their type. We can’t all be everybody’s type and nobody is everybody’s type. I never send a why not reply or an abusive reply. I am an adult not child. Sending a why not message is not going to get them to change their mind. Sending an abusive message is definitely not going to get them to change their mind. I never send a thank you for your reply message in case it is seen as a way to carry on emailing. I am an adult I know when no means no. I see a no reply as a no thank you. I don’t think they are rude for not replying. 5. I am one of the rare men who read profiles and don’t just look at the pictures lol. I never play the any hole is a goal game. I only message people I am attracted to and find interesting. I only email people whose criteria I meet. There is no point in me emailing a woman or couple who wants to meet guys 6 foot plus when I am five foot eight. I know swinging is about sex but I also have to like the people I am meeting. Some men choose the people they email solely on the profile pictures. I don’t. Of course I look at pictures. Of course I find a lot of women on Fab sexy. There are some seriously sexy women on fab of all ages. However, for me it has to be more than just about a sexy woman/couple. Their profile also has to grab me. They can be sexy as hell but if their profile doesn’t grab me I will not email them. I also will not do things I am not into just to get a meet. For example, I would not be a woman’s sub just because I find her sexy as the dom sub thing is not for me. If a couple are into watersports I wouldn’t let them piss on me just to get a meet as I am not into watersports. I am not looking for another notch on my bedpost. Each message I send out is unique to the sender. I never send out a generic copy and paste message. Copy and paste messages are very easy to spot, very lazy, and insulting to the person you’re emailing. I also thinks one line messages are insulting and lazy. I always try to make my messages humorous as well as unique. Also try to let my personality shine in my messages. I tell them what I liked about their profile and why I think we would be compatible to get to know each other a little bit more. I never say meet as it is too early doors for me. I want to get to know them a little bit more first before we talk about meeting. 6. I have to like the woman or couple I am meeting and prefer to get to know them online first. It also gives them a chance to get to know me. It gives me another chance to sell me. I sell me by being me and not tying to be somebody I am not. I always give the women and couples I email the respect they deserve. If I email a couple I always remember they are a couple. I never just address the female half. I would never ask the female of a couple to meet me alone unless of course that was their thing and she proved her other half was ok with it. Sometimes you may be physically attracted to somebody face and body wise but as soon as you get to know them and their personality you are quickly turned off them. If a woman thinks she can get by on just her looks alone it puts me off her. I want to meet a woman who has more to offer than just her good looks or sexy body. I have often spoken to a woman or couple for a while online before we have met. As I have said previously I have to like the people I meet. I may not be the best looking guy in the world but that doesn’t mean I can’t have standards, needs, or desires. As well as liking the people I meet I am obviously looking to meet people who are into the same things sexually as me. A profile can only tell you so much about a person. Getting to know people online first really gives you time to get to know each other. It may be once you get to know a person/couple online your attraction increases. It may also be once you get to know them online you would never want to meet them and they put you off them. Getting to know people online hopefully s out the fantasists, single guys pretending to be a couple /woman, people looking for an ego boost, timewasters, weirdoes, psychos, etc. 7. There are a lot of timewasters and fantasists on fab. Lots of women and couples get let down by single guys. I have never done that and never would. Due to me spending time getting to know people, being funny, reliable, honest, genuinely single, and can accommodate I often find my meets turn into ongoing meets. They are not just one off meets. I like that as each meet gets better and better. Another thing my mate said and I agree with is what we would do if we were a woman or couple on here. If I was a woman or couple on here I would take time getting to know somebody online first. If single guy emails you make him wait. Make him get to know you online first. It also gives you a chance to get to know him. It also gives you a chance to hopefully get rid of the guys who don’t respect you, the any whole is a goal guys, the “Fancy a fuck?” guys, the guys looking for a quick notch on their bedpost, the timewasters, the fantasists, the liars, the married/in a relationship guys, the idiots, the psychopaths, etc. If a guy is not prepared to get to know you as person and show you he doesn’t just see you as a sex object for his cock then why meet him? I am sure somebody will call me a white knight. So be it lol. Anyway, numbers 1 to 7 are my friend’s words paraphrased not my words. " I agree, but when is the film and t-shirt coming out! TLDR: | |||
" Nooo women* do like it, but they enjoy moaning about it even more. The complainers have the option to block men and do the messaging themselves (like on Bumble), but they don’t like that either (*not all women. Just those that moan publicly)" To be fair the 'complainers' aren't complaining about receiving messages from men, they're providing reasons to the OP as to why they don't respond to all the messages they receive, which is usually due to their quality or inappropriate content. | |||
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"For us it doesn't need a lot of effort in the message as long as it shows that they have read and fully understood the profile. If it does then a one liner will get a reply. If not then it could read like War and Peace but still get binned." Exactly this - we don't want to waste people's time - let's see if there is mutual attraction first. | |||
