FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Dates... who should pay?

Dates... who should pay?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So I went on a date yesterday to receive a message today saying thank you but he doesn’t want to see me again because I didn’t offer to pay my half..... I had a latte and Diet Coke! Now if we had a meal or something I would have offered to pay my half but I’m quite old fashioned and like the man to pay for the first date (I will usually pay for second or offer to go half’s) in this day and age am I wrong and to old fashioned maybe? What’s people’s thoughts?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

If I was a single woman dating I would always offer to pay my way. I don't see how I can ask to be treated as an equal only when it suits me.

If I was a single man I would offer to pay half too.

If a guy insisted on paying I would accept gracefully on condition that it was 50/50 on any future dates.

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"So I went on a date yesterday to receive a message today saying thank you but he doesn’t want to see me again because I didn’t offer to pay my half..... I had a latte and Diet Coke! Now if we had a meal or something I would have offered to pay my half but I’m quite old fashioned and like the man to pay for the first date (I will usually pay for second or offer to go half’s) in this day and age am I wrong and to old fashioned maybe? What’s people’s thoughts? "

That's an odd reason!

I would happily pay for dinner if I was going out with someone and very rarely split the bill unless they're adamant. I think it's a nice gesture.

I don't necessarily agree with the whole 'men should pay' thing as that smacks of selective equality, but as a generous person I would merrily pay with no expectations

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Oh and I wouldn't want to see a guy again if he didn't at least attempt to pay his share.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I usually offer to pay evenly, and on repeats insist, but I'm generally told no (and in some instances the idea has been taken as offensive somehow). But I'm less likely to push the issue (or, depending on the vibe I get, even offer) for a drink or two, that's fairly trivial. (I do try to pick something fairly inexpensive when I'm not paying to mitigate, but that's my choice)

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By *irestorm 500Couple over a year ago

coventry

Would always offer to pay half x storm x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would always pay on a first meet. Then later ones probably pay most and hope she would at least offer to pay something

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If it was a meal I would, but 2 drinks that didn’t even come to £5 is just embarrassing I think, lesson learnt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’d pay for the 1st date and the next but if the lady insisted on paying for another date I would accept her offer out of courtesy.

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By *hite1100Man over a year ago

Hither Green

I’m happy to pay but I think it’s courtesy for the lady to at least offer to pay half.

If I don’t think I’m likely to see them again I would usually be happy to pay but, in that situation, if they don’t at least offer to split the bill I usually ask the waiter to split it anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always split regardless of how small the bill. We expect equality so only right to act accordingly.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date "

Out of interest how would you feel if he expected you to pick up the bill, no matter how small?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

50/50. Id offer but if they wanted to pay, I’d get the next one

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

well your old fashioned hes a modern man obviously not compatable. I would of just got a fiver out my purse and given him it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date

Out of interest how would you feel if he expected you to pick up the bill, no matter how small?"

I wouldn’t feel offended and I would pay, nerves and anxiety maybe got the better of me but he just ordered and payed while I was sat at a table, had a bill been given I probably would have said I’ll pay mine

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I always split regardless of how small the bill. We expect equality so only right to act accordingly."

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's a minefield, this stuff, it really is. And sometimes it can seem easier in the moment to see how things pan out rather than having a conversation with a stranger.

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By *hite1100Man over a year ago

Hither Green

"Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date

Out of interest how would you feel if he expected you to pick up the bill, no matter how small?

How well did you think the date went?

Sounds to me like he thought were incompatible and is using it as an excuse, tbh.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally speaking if I was in your situation and all drinks were being paid for at the same time I would have offered to pay half. If he had got the first “round” I would have definitely got the next.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date

Out of interest how would you feel if he expected you to pick up the bill, no matter how small?

How well did you think the date went?

Sounds to me like he thought were incompatible and is using it as an excuse, tbh. "

My thoughts too

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By *ppo BarnsleyMan over a year ago

barnsley

I would 100% of paid the bill and wouldn't of expected anything in return I was brought up an old fashion gentleman il go pick the lady up open door for her pull chair out and never accept money from the lady after a date the company would be payment enough I wouldn't care if it was £5 worth of drinks or a £200 meal fit for a princess lol I grew up around my grandad and was tought the values of life wasn't money it was love companionship and friendship you can do better than him clearly he isn't worth your time good luck you will find a good one in time x

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By *otBunsHunWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

I always offer to pay half... but if they refuse and want to pay for me the first time then I accept gratefully...I'll always insist on sharing the bill the next time

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By *ily Con CarneTV/TS over a year ago

Cornwall

I always insist on paying my way sometimes to the chagrin of whoever I'm with at the time ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *arnsley guy100Man over a year ago

Sheffield

Start as you mean to carry on my luvvie.....First impressions and all that. Guy might have thought.. This girls gonna cost me £300 a month to go out with... All this old fashioned "The gent pays" comes from victorian times when men worked for the income and women stayed at home and cooked and cleaned. Blame your ancestors for campaigning the suffragette rights... Can't have both ways... Id've dumped you aswell

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By *arnsley guy100Man over a year ago

Sheffield

[Removed by poster at 07/12/18 12:12:40]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would 100% of paid the bill and wouldn't of expected anything in return I was brought up an old fashion gentleman il go pick the lady up open door for her pull chair out and never accept money from the lady after a date the company would be payment enough I wouldn't care if it was £5 worth of drinks or a £200 meal fit for a princess lol I grew up around my grandad and was tought the values of life wasn't money it was love companionship and friendship you can do better than him clearly he isn't worth your time good luck you will find a good one in time x "

If you’re adamant then all well and good, but surely you’d think more fondly of someone if they at least offered?

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By *hite1100Man over a year ago

Hither Green

Yes but your grandad’s views come from an era before equality, #metoo etc.

Most women under the age of 40 certainly have a more modern attitude to this kind of thing in my experience.

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By *hite1100Man over a year ago

Hither Green

If you’re adamant then all well and good, but surely you’d think more fondly of someone if they at least offered? "

Ta for dinner btw

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date

Out of interest how would you feel if he expected you to pick up the bill, no matter how small?

How well did you think the date went?

Sounds to me like he thought were incompatible and is using it as an excuse, tbh. "

Conversation was good, lots of laughs but I didn’t fancy him so maybe he picked up a vibe or didn’t fancy me, I haven’t been on a date date in years so it’s all trial and error

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m happy to pay but I think it’s courtesy for the lady to at least offer to pay half.

If I don’t think I’m likely to see them again I would usually be happy to pay but, in that situation, if they don’t at least offer to split the bill I usually ask the waiter to split it anyway.

Your turn to pay next then!! Ha

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By *ppo BarnsleyMan over a year ago

barnsley

If you’re adamant then all well and good, but surely you’d think more fondly of someone if they at least offered? "

Yes 100% it is nice when they offer without a doubt x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you’re adamant then all well and good, but surely you’d think more fondly of someone if they at least offered? "
It's nice to be offered but not needed if it was a regular meet then things change in time

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By *hite1100Man over a year ago

Hither Green

[Removed by poster at 07/12/18 12:16:11]

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By *hite1100Man over a year ago

Hither Green

"Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date

Out of interest how would you feel if he expected you to pick up the bill, no matter how small?

How well did you think the date went?

Sounds to me like he thought were incompatible and is using it as an excuse, tbh.

Conversation was good, lots of laughs but I didn’t fancy him so maybe he picked up a vibe or didn’t fancy me, I haven’t been on a date date in years so it’s all trial and error

That’ll be it, then.

A bit dickish to use an excuse rather than just come out with it. You’ve probably served a bullet

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By *ppo BarnsleyMan over a year ago

barnsley

Yes but your grandad’s views come from an era before equality, #metoo etc.

Most women under the age of 40 certainly have a more modern attitude to this kind of thing in my experience. "
yes clearly and I like it if they offer but I prefer to pay just the way I am I guess m8

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always offer to pay or pay my half, unless it is someone I see often and we take it in turns. If I was ever to go on an actual date, then whoever asked the other out should pay... Although I would still probably offer to pay my half, especially if I didn't think I was going to see him again

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date

Out of interest how would you feel if he expected you to pick up the bill, no matter how small?

It's probably quite confusing nowadays too. You don't know if the guy expects to pay or not. In the 70s when I was last dating men always paid, it was just accepted.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date

Out of interest how would you feel if he expected you to pick up the bill, no matter how small?

It's probably quite confusing nowadays too. You don't know if the guy expects to pay or not. In the 70s when I was last dating men always paid, it was just accepted."
exactly, history has evolved women earn more than men and even ask guys out, whats the world coming to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just to clarify this wasn’t a fab meet it was an actual date

Out of interest how would you feel if he expected you to pick up the bill, no matter how small?

I wouldn’t feel offended and I would pay, nerves and anxiety maybe got the better of me but he just ordered and

payed while I was sat at a table, had a bill been given I probably would have said I’ll pay mine

It's probably quite confusing nowadays too. You don't know if the guy expects to pay or not. In the 70s when I was last dating men always paid, it was just accepted."

It is always the guy who picks up the billy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It was just awkward as he went to the bar, ordered and payed but lesson learnt and I will always offer to pay half from now on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always go halves. If it was just drinks I would have thought he buy the first round I would have bought the 2nd xxx

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By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

For what it is worth we think he just did not fancy you and it was his warp way of telling you?

Sounds like he has no balls and definitely not worth worrying about.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I always go halves. If it was just drinks I would have thought he buy the first round I would have bought the 2nd xxx"

Well we do have equality these days ..,

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By *hite1100Man over a year ago

Hither Green

I’m happy to pay but I think it’s courtesy for the lady to at least offer to pay half.

If I don’t think I’m likely to see them again I would usually be happy to pay but, in that situation, if they don’t at least offer to split the bill I usually ask the waiter to split it anyway.

Your turn to pay next then!! Ha"

Yep.

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By *khot1Couple over a year ago

somewhere over the rainbow

Contradicting yourself a bit on this one, as your original post you stated how you always expect a man to pay on first dates, then you made out you would of paid if you had a chance too... Personally I think its a damn right cheek for anyone to want a drink or meal with someone and expect to pay nothing... Seen it on profiles and statuses on here, where single women are asking to be wined and dined but don't want to pay lol... This isn't directed at you op but I think a lot of single women on here just want a free night out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Contradicting yourself a bit on this one, as your original post you stated how you always expect a man to pay on first dates, then you made out you would of paid if you had a chance too... Personally I think its a damn right cheek for anyone to want a drink or meal with someone and expect to pay nothing... Seen it on profiles and statuses on here, where single women are asking to be wined and dined but don't want to pay lol... This isn't directed at you op but I think a lot of single women on here just want a free night out"

Very good point ... I agrer

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can't believe he sent a message about it over a fiver

Is there only me that would be embarrassed to do that?

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By *rkeb3Man over a year ago

east Lancashire road

I always pay first date I think every men should specall you if there is a good chemistry n spark if u want take it further why not

I don't think he doesn't want to see u Cose he paid definitely other reasons

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Definitely wasn’t a free ticket, was just a few quid but apparently that matters to some, had he not gone to the bar and payed i would have offered but inside the old fashion me would have thought he would decline but clear I need to change my ways

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I offer to pay. Last time it cost me 4 shillings and sixpence...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't date but it wouldn't enter my head to be pissed off over a fiver(if I had payed) or that someone else would be annoyed

It's not a male/female thing for me

It's just such a small amount

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By *ppo BarnsleyMan over a year ago

barnsley

"I can't believe he sent a message about it over a fiver

Is there only me that would be embarrassed to do that? "
would be humiliating if he is that hard up over a fiver it's not a woman he needs it's a job x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Agree!! You either want him to pay or you don't.. total contradiction. I doubt it's the amount, but more the principle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can't believe he sent a message about it over a fiver

Is there only me that would be embarrassed to do that? would be humiliating if he is that hard up over a fiver it's not a woman he needs it's a job x"

He works! I’m only now starting work but I wouldn’t have split hairs over a fiver and I genuinely think he’s being honest as to why that’s the reason! He divorced his wife over £600 debt because she didnt tell him, which he told me on the date

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I alway's pay meals out nights out I enjoy treating people

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Agree!! You either want him to pay or you don't.. total contradiction. I doubt it's the amount, but more the principle. "

Ok so I should have worded it differently.... had it been a meal or expensive I would offer to pay half but it was £5, old fashioned me would expect them to decline if they had asked to take me out but it’s clear I can’t think like that in this day and age

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Agree!! You either want him to pay or you don't.. total contradiction. I doubt it's the amount, but more the principle.

Usually that small amount it would be the first person to just pay it. I always offer but if it was one drink or so either I would pay or just let them. If it was a meal, like you said, I would pay half.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It was just awkward as he went to the bar, ordered and payed but lesson learnt and I will always offer to pay half from now on

Clearly he ain't a gentleman- I would always pay for 1st date then expect halfs for 4/5 dates in but that's just me

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I don't think it's fair on the guy to say stuff about him. This situation probably arose from the obvious confusion about who should pay on dates. It's no as longer clear cut or obvious as it used to be when I was dating Noah's son.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't believe he sent a message about it over a fiver

Is there only me that would be embarrassed to do that? would be humiliating if he is that hard up over a fiver it's not a woman he needs it's a job x

I wouldn’t want to see someone again if they complained of £5

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By *ppo BarnsleyMan over a year ago

barnsley

"I can't believe he sent a message about it over a fiver

Is there only me that would be embarrassed to do that? would be humiliating if he is that hard up over a fiver it's not a woman he needs it's a job x

"
not every woman is the same just because he had money issues over his ex for sake of a fiver it is good to make a good first impression on a date it's like his time in a spot light also if he went to bar and paid for it it's as though he told you without words it was his treat shows how much I'm out of the dating milarky lol after all this think I'm going to stay single and have less hassle x

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I can't believe he sent a message about it over a fiver

Is there only me that would be embarrassed to do that? would be humiliating if he is that hard up over a fiver it's not a woman he needs it's a job x

You're not compatible then. Clearly money is more important to him than it is to you. Luckily you both discovered this on your first date .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can't believe he sent a message about it over a fiver

Is there only me that would be embarrassed to do that? would be humiliating if he is that hard up over a fiver it's not a woman he needs it's a job x

not every woman is the same just because he had money issues over his ex for sake of a fiver it is good to make a good first impression on a date it's like his time in a spot light also if he went to bar and paid for it it's as though he told you without words it was his treat shows how much I'm out of the dating milarky lol after all this think I'm going to stay single and have less hassle x"

Me to!! It’s such a headache

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By *ppo BarnsleyMan over a year ago

barnsley

"I can't believe he sent a message about it over a fiver

Is there only me that would be embarrassed to do that? would be humiliating if he is that hard up over a fiver it's not a woman he needs it's a job x

Me to!! It’s such a headache

"
it is indeed good luck and happy fabbing x

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By *ightkitty4uWoman over a year ago

Epsom

Ooo I had an argument with someone of a first date about this...

First dates the chap should pay, after that I will offer to go halfs or have even paid the whole amount.

(BF took me to an amazing hotel as a treat, he paid for everything. I brought the lunch on the last day, he earned considerably more than me)

But yes my Dad, he told to always offer after the first date

Maybe it's old fashioned but it is how I was brought up

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

If he's that tight that he can't pay for a couple of drinks then you are better off not seeing him again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If he's that tight that he can't pay for a couple of drinks then you are better off not seeing him again.

"
maybe he's very principled

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

"I can't believe he sent a message about it over a fiver

Is there only me that would be embarrassed to do that? would be humiliating if he is that hard up over a fiver it's not a woman he needs it's a job x

Me to!! It’s such a headache

Divorced over a £600 debt.

The divorce would have cost 10x that in fees alone?

Excuses, excuses or just BS me thinks.

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By *ppo BarnsleyMan over a year ago

barnsley

"Ooo I had an argument with someone of a first date about this...

First dates the chap should pay, after that I will offer to go halfs or have even paid the whole amount.

(BF took me to an amazing hotel as a treat, he paid for everything. I brought the lunch on the last day, he earned considerably more than me)

But yes my Dad, he told to always offer after the first date

Maybe it's old fashioned but it is how I was brought up "
100% agree with that the woman shouldn't have to pay full stop but as long as they offer after the first date all is good bit if the guy goes to the bar and pays I believe that is him treating the lady x

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By *khot1Couple over a year ago

somewhere over the rainbow

"Ooo I had an argument with someone of a first date about this...

First dates the chap should pay, after that I will offer to go halfs or have even paid the whole amount.

(BF took me to an amazing hotel as a treat, he paid for everything. I brought the lunch on the last day, he earned considerably more than me)

But yes my Dad, he told to always offer after the first date

Maybe it's old fashioned but it is how I was brought up "

Are you happy earning considerably less than a man earns doing the same job?... Cause after all that is how you were brought up

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By *oppet22TV/TS over a year ago

huddersfield

Must be a tight I would allways pay even if you had a meal

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ooo I had an argument with someone of a first date about this...

First dates the chap should pay, after that I will offer to go halfs or have even paid the whole amount.

(BF took me to an amazing hotel as a treat, he paid for everything. I brought the lunch on the last day, he earned considerably more than me)

But yes my Dad, he told to always offer after the first date

Maybe it's old fashioned but it is how I was brought up "

Your username is apt

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

If he's that tight that he can't pay for a couple of drinks then you are better off not seeing him again.

maybe he's very principled "

No the word is Tight

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If he's that tight that he can't pay for a couple of drinks then you are better off not seeing him again.

maybe he's very principled

No the word is Tight

"
omg you think Ahhh well think you're right

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By *pider-WomanWoman over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

It's a drink costing £5. I would not have offered to pay but I would have asked him if he would like another.

Maybe he's just using that as an excuse. To be honest if he's like that on the first date you are best off out of it.

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

If he's that tight that he can't pay for a couple of drinks then you are better off not seeing him again.

maybe he's very principled

No the word is Tight

omg you think Ahhh well think you're right "

It wasn't you was it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I went on a social last night and as the Gent so kindly offered to drive, I bought the first round and a few after that. I would never 'expect' a man to pay my half. He seemed genuinely surprised at that!

I might upset a few people in saying this but fuck it...

I see lots of women wanting equality and to be treated the same as men, but are then offended when they realise that also means paying their way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If he's that tight that he can't pay for a couple of drinks then you are better off not seeing him again.

maybe he's very principled

No the word is Tight

omg you think Ahhh well think you're right

It wasn't you was it?"
oi bend over

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

If he's that tight that he can't pay for a couple of drinks then you are better off not seeing him again.

maybe he's very principled

No the word is Tight

omg you think Ahhh well think you're right

It wasn't you was it?oi bend over "

Ooh err

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If he's that tight that he can't pay for a couple of drinks then you are better off not seeing him again.

maybe he's very principled

No the word is Tight

omg you think Ahhh well think you're right

It wasn't you was it?oi bend over

Ooh err

"
cmon paddle at ready

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By *khot1Couple over a year ago

somewhere over the rainbow

"I went on a social last night and as the Gent so kindly offered to drive, I bought the first round and a few after that. I would never 'expect' a man to pay my half. He seemed genuinely surprised at that!

I might upset a few people in saying this but fuck it...

I see lots of women wanting equality and to be treated the same as men, but are then offended when they realise that also means paying their way.

Bingo.. Someone gets it

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By *edtothecore74Woman over a year ago

Spalding

I too like to pay my way, and at times find it difficult to accept not being able to.

Did you offer the second drink?

Either way hes a bit of a petty, immature knob.

On a side note, men generally get paid more (yes, yes, i know... shhh), not that this means they SHOULD pay or that its not relevant if the roles are reversed.

Its a tough one.

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

I might upset a few people in saying this but fuck it...

I see lots of women wanting equality and to be treated the same as men, but are then offended when they realise that also means paying their way.

Bingo.. Someone gets it

The sentiment is in the action of offering.

Oh yes forgot being a gent died out with manners today

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ooo I had an argument with someone of a first date about this...

First dates the chap should pay, after that I will offer to go halfs or have even paid the whole amount.

(BF took me to an amazing hotel as a treat, he paid for everything. I brought the lunch on the last day, he earned considerably more than me)

But yes my Dad, he told to always offer after the first date

Maybe it's old fashioned but it is how I was brought up "

Your dad is from a different era when women either didn’t work or earn as much. I would never expect a guy to pay. My dad told me to have my bf’s dinner on the table every night when I moved in with someone at 19. We both told my dad where to shove it. He believes a woman shouldn’t work and should keep a home. I don’t share his views. It’s old fashioned and doesn’t have a place in the modern world. Same as men having to pay.

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks

Id at the very least expect to split on a first date, but i do like to pay if its a meal then the guys dont think im a money grabbing whore (like their ex wife was)...it puts them on the back foot as they dont expect it from a woman and i kinda like that element of surprise and niceness

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

That's how I would deal with it, if he buys the first drink I would at least offer to buy the second. It is an odd reason not to have a second date though, because they had to pay for two drinks

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By *_the_impalerMan over a year ago

canterbury

I would certainly try to pay for the first date as I do at the first meet if my date insists on paying half fair enough

May be just trying to think of an excuse

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By *irginieWoman over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Like the OP I’d be a bit befuddled if it were 2 coffees and I’d probably assume he just wasn’t interested full stop, or he was a really tight arse fucker.

But I think if the person i was with had come back carrying 2 coffees I’d probably say “oooh thankyou, what do I owe you”? Or “thank you. I’ll get the next one”. At least something that acknowledged I do expect (and am more than capable of) equality.

There’s a bit of me that thinks he probably isn’t worth too much of a second thought. How petty.

V x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Update, apparently because I wasn’t all over him (at 11.30 in a pub full of old people out for lunch) he thought I wasn’t interested, he’s still miffed I didn’t pay for my 2 drinks but would like a second date or to be friends with benefits....

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

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By *pider-WomanWoman over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"Update, apparently because I wasn’t all over him (at 11.30 in a pub full of old people out for lunch) he thought I wasn’t interested, he’s still miffed I didn’t pay for my 2 drinks but would like a second date or to be friends with benefits....

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

I wouldn't even reply..

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

"Ooo I had an argument with someone of a first date about this...

First dates the chap should pay, after that I will offer to go halfs or have even paid the whole amount.

(BF took me to an amazing hotel as a treat, he paid for everything. I brought the lunch on the last day, he earned considerably more than me)

But yes my Dad, he told to always offer after the first date

Maybe it's old fashioned but it is how I was brought up

Her dad was from an era when men were actually men though.

Not like today's preaned posse.

Yes, men should take care of themselves but when you see them like the guys on reality TV, it makes you want to hack up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have always paid for the drinks, usually because the men don’t even offer!! if they did pay I would feel embarrassed giving them £3 or whatever trivial amount it came to. And if they took it I’d probably judge them thinking cheapskate. However Id always mention it or say I’ll get it next time so they knew I didn’t expect it.

I too am old fashioned though and although I don’t expect it I would love to be treated to drinks or a meal

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By *edtothecore74Woman over a year ago

Spalding

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

Lucky escape for you.. major loss for him... all for the price of a coffee

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By *arnsley guy100Man over a year ago

Sheffield

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

So... You used him for his money now you wanna use him for sex??... Poor lad, he made a conserted effort for you and no doubt was realy looking forward to introducing you to his friends and family.. Building memories over the summer, saving for a home and children... And sit there drinking his diet thinking about his dick and checking your fab updates whilst he goes to the loo!!!!!....and your complaining you've been dumped?.. Your having a laugh. What has the world come to?

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

Oh my

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By *ouble featureCouple over a year ago

Crowthorne

I guess he just didn't connect with you and just wanted an excuse to let you down gently? If he really wanted to take it further he wouldn't mind paying.

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By *edtothecore74Woman over a year ago

Spalding

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

Eh?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

One of the reasons I don't like having socials with men from here is they usually want a little play under the table or even to look down my top at my boobs.

On a first date date I'd be horrified if someone expected a public display of affection.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

You might want to read what she wrote again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

Get your head out of your arse and read it again!!!! I’ll wait for your apology....

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

You should have gone Dutch!

The year is 2018.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

One of the reasons I don't like having socials with men from here is they usually want a little play under the table or even to look down my top at my boobs.

On a first date date I'd be horrified if someone expected a public display of affection. "

Yeah. I've had guys tell me how physical we're going to be on a first date or at a social. I have a maximum in my mind, it's way less than what they expect, and expecting me to compromise on that tends to end badly. My starting point for socials is "don't touch me, I need to work out if you're a creep". Although I don't always say so bluntly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ladies and gentlemen I think we have the answer

One of the reasons I don't like having socials with men from here is they usually want a little play under the table or even to look down my top at my boobs.

On a first date date I'd be horrified if someone expected a public display of affection.

This wasn’t even a fab date but I’m the same

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By *eah BabyCouple over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

[Removed by poster at 07/12/18 14:05:29]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You should have gone Dutch!

The year is 2018.

And he shouldn't have expected her to be all over him. Another sign of the times.

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By *eah BabyCouple over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

It’s all down to the wording these days. If a person says can I take you out for a drink then perhaps they should pay, unless there’s several drinks going on but if they say would you like to meet for a drink then you both pay.

Glad I don’t have this dating money problem. Although if we meet a single guy in a bar then I (AJ) will buy the drink, just so he doesn’t feel used when I make demands of his body

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In all seriousness, I offer to pay.

If someone is taking time out of their busy lives to meet me, then paying for a meal isn't an issue. I do have to eat after all.

If a lady wants to treat me an pay for a meal, then that is their perogative and I wouldn't turn it down.

If we allow ourselves to get sidetracked on who pays for what, we end up knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing.

As for not being all over him?

I have enjoyed many a social where everything is exceptionally well behaved and a farewell kiss ends up turning into a full blown snog and an agreement to meet again. If some woman jumped on me mid coffee, I'd shit myself and probably think she is too full on...

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I only worry about money to the extent that I don't want to offend. Sometimes offering to buy a round or pay your way bothers people. Sometimes not offering does. If they're paying, as I've said, I'll choose something cheap so as not to impose.

As for touching, I'm OK deflecting in the moment, mostly, but the idea of "I spent time or a few quid* on you, I get to grope you" is annoying and worrying.

* My drink of choice tends to be something like a lemonade, which I almost always nurse. For drinks I doubt I cost even a fiver.

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"You should have gone Dutch!

The year is 2018.

And he shouldn't have expected her to be all over him. Another sign of the times. "

Men expect that full stop....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

All in all he asked if he could take me out for a drink and bite to eat.... to me that implys he wanted to pay and going to the bar and paying upfront.... just glad I declined the food

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He sounds like a bit of a knob

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By *itzhallMan over a year ago

birchington

I always pay , it doesn't matter if I think I will see them again or not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m pretty modern.

I’d have paid for my own drinks personally, if he insisted then of course I’d be okay, but other than that I’d pay for my own.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If it was a meal I would, but 2 drinks that didn’t even come to £5 is just embarrassing I think, lesson learnt"

It could be that you didn’t offer to pay which got his back up.

Some men probably like the woman to offer to pay even though they don’t intend to let the woman pay.

Personally I like paying for my own things, I don’t mind being “treated” if he insists but I wouldn’t expect that on a first date.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"All in all he asked if he could take me out for a drink and bite to eat.... to me that implys he wanted to pay and going to the bar and paying upfront.... just glad I declined the food

"
why he would have paid for that to so same amount of moaning

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always offer to go halves. If he said no, I would offer on next round.

But I would be adamant to go halves on a meal or a hotel!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It was just awkward as he went to the bar, ordered and payed but lesson learnt and I will always offer to pay half from now on

Its more tricky in that situation isnt it as its done and paid for and forgotton about after you've chatted a bit. Just as awkward can be the yes no I'll pay, no I will conversation. I'll always offer half but won't resist too much if its a no.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It all seems a bit petty to me. On a first date I'll offer to buy but if they beat me to it then that's fine too.

If it turns into a night out and further dates then I would expect to take turns/share expenses.

To whine about a couple of drinks on a first date seems ridiculous.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It all seems a bit petty to me. On a first date I'll offer to buy but if they beat me to it then that's fine too.

If it turns into a night out and further dates then I would expect to take turns/share expenses.

To whine about a couple of drinks on a first date seems ridiculous. "

^ regardless of the gender of my date.

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By *adyGardenWoman over a year ago

LONDON (se)

I haven't dated for years but I always expect the guy to pay if he asks me out or I pay if I ask him out. If mutisl and nothing has been discussed then if out for drinks take turns buying or if a meal split it.

Obviously I won't argue if he wants to pay it all.

Like OP I am a little old fashioned too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always insist on paying for myself on the first few dates. Further down the line I might let them pay if they offer but only 'cause I don't have much money in the first place and since I date older men they tend to be more well off than me and can afford it.

However it it was less than a tenner I'd probably pick up the whole bill if I was ordering like that guy did

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I'm old fashioned, I'd always let the gent buy the first round, and I'd always offer to get the second. But if someone refuses, or wants to treat me, I'm not going to argue. I might buy them a present after if they really went to town on a weekend away or something.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My dear you just need to learn a lesson. Most of the modern men want to pay 50/50 but if he didn't propose it before you both met... Well its an excuse for him

I think these days it's better to pay 50/50 and avoid any issues. I do this since ages: business meetings, meetings with friends, dating. We have lots of stress in our life and don’t need an extra one.

Don't worry! He's loss!

Think positive!

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By *ain n MableWoman over a year ago

Milton Keynes

In this wonderful world of equality that we now live in, can I ask how you would have felt if he left it to you to pick up the drinks bill?

Admittedly he is a dick and you have dodged a bullet if you ask me (which you didn't).

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By *uilder506Man over a year ago

bognor

The man should but I’m old school

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm old fashioned, I'd always let the gent buy the first round, and I'd always offer to get the second. But if someone refuses, or wants to treat me, I'm not going to argue. I might buy them a present after if they really went to town on a weekend away or something.

I hate the arguing at the bar scene when a man won't let me pay. I go to the toilet and get drinks on the way back.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nothing wrong in having the odd old fashion policy , my fella still to this day do such things as pull a chair out for me to sit on when we’re out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I despise men who will not make an offer to pay, after all they have an expectation of sex or dating, yet they are too tight fisted to pay for a drink, a meal, a dating membership. Yet when I date and offer to pay, women insist on paying their share 'to avoid any confusion'. You can't win sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Iv had this discussion with my friends today (Male and female) and all have said man should pay on the first date, yet here on fab most are in favour of 50:50

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"Iv had this discussion with my friends today (Male and female) and all have said man should pay on the first date, yet here on fab most are in favour of 50:50"

Would you have liked it if he ‘expected’ you to pay?

This idea of men paying for everything is dated. My parents raised me with this philosophy ‘men who pay expect sex so pay half that way no expectation for anything’. I’ve followed it and have had respect. Mind you some Fab men have let me buy endless coffees at socials which is not on but how could I say ‘I want half the cost’ so I paid.....

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Tight bastard!!!

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By *ppo BarnsleyMan over a year ago

barnsley

"You should have gone Dutch!

The year is 2018.

And he shouldn't have expected her to be all over him. Another sign of the times.

Men expect that full stop....

"
not all men expect this at all this is quite unfair the tarnishing all men with the same brush I love meeting females for socials on don't expect anything at all on the first date not even a kiss I enjoy female company everything isn't about sex

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dating can be a bit of a minefield!

I find it funny the guys on here being knights and saying how they pay for everything and pull out chairs etc. Yeah ok... And you want nothing in return?

Old fashioned? That doesn't work in the present, you can't have equality and want things for free on dates.

Being in a relationship and your partner paying for things is different. On a first date and expecting it or not offering to pay half is just bad manners.

If a guy pays for everything then he could just turn around and insist that you 'owe' him something. If you pay half or offer to pay half then you owe him nothing.

The fact you didn't offer to pay half and blame nerves is just rude. Sure, it's only £5 but had the reverse happened and you paid for everything you may think that the total was only £10, no big deal, but he didn't even offer to split it...how rude of him.

Offering goes a long way.

I know of and have read of women that go out on nights out and don't take any money with them because they are 'old fashioned' and were raised by parents who told them men should pay for everything. Everything!

So, the women don't buy their own drinks, don't pay their own taxi fare, club entry etc. It's just bad manners.

Long story short: At least offer to pay half. It's good manners and safer too. Offering goes a long way.

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By *reeMan over a year ago

Paisley

"If it was a meal I would, but 2 drinks that didn’t even come to £5 is just embarrassing I think, lesson learnt"

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By *ain n MableWoman over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"Iv had this discussion with my friends today (Male and female) and all have said man should pay on the first date, yet here on fab most are in favour of 50:50"

To be fair I think there is a difference between a vanilla date and a fabswingers date, with most definitely different outcomes.

Fab dates are, do we like each other enough to fuck? If so it's equal payments all round. Vanilla dates are, I like this person and I want to meet again, I'll pay this time and see if I can get a second date.

Not sure there really is a right or wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If it was a meal I would, but 2 drinks that didn’t even come to £5 is just embarrassing I think, lesson learnt"

I think it's a bit tight of the guy to even suggest that .. If he's asked you out for a drink as a social it's a nice gesture that the guy pays for both drinks.. I would be happy to split the bill if it was a regular thing. X

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By *inful xWoman over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

There's also lots of men who think that bar bills and hotel rooms are free

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By *imandher84Couple over a year ago

Leeds

"If I was a single woman dating I would always offer to pay my way. I don't see how I can ask to be treated as an equal only when it suits me.

If I was a single man I would offer to pay half too.

If a guy insisted on paying I would accept gracefully on condition that it was 50/50 on any future dates."

These the rules, problem is OP you didn't offer. It's more than likely he assumed rightly or wrongly you were selfish. It's not really a case of who pays but who offers to pay

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Iv had this discussion with my friends today (Male and female) and all have said man should pay on the first date, yet here on fab most are in favour of 50:50

To be fair I think there is a difference between a vanilla date and a fabswingers date, with most definitely different outcomes.

Not sure there really is a right or wrong. "

This was a vanilla date and he asked to take me out for a drink, fab socials then I buy my own or split but 9/10 they don’t let me anyway, again it’s just an old fashion moral of the manly thing to do and being looked after etc

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So you had a coffee and a Diet Coke so he wanted you to offer him about 4 quid, what’s the world coming to where a guy won’t buy a girl a drink the miserable git. I’m with you, first date, the man pays, it’s just the done thing. By all means the lady can politely offer to split the bill but as a man is always pay, I wouldn’t be comfortable otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It really sounds to me like he picked up the vibe that you didn’t fancy him and just wanted to get his rejection in first and wound you while he was at it because he was hurt. From what you describe he pretty much excluded you from paying and squabbling over a couple of quid after the bill has been paid is not cool. I usually try and pay my way, but if someone had gone to the bar and paid a bill of that size I would just have made a point of saying thank you. Trying to push a couple of quid on someone is too much like granny giving you a pound for ice cream.

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By *orduneCouple over a year ago

darvel

Don’t waist your time on him the guy should pay I have with couples always take chocks or flowers show respect x

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By *r.BlondeMan over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

I might upset a few people in saying this but fuck it...

I see lots of women wanting equality and to be treated the same as men, but are then offended when they realise that also means paying their way.

"
You're the exception to the rule! Heard that guy is a bit of a prick

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I never spilt bills it's just so petty and modern pcness, 1st date then the man has paid all my life... never even needed to be discussed. If we're in a pub then I quite happily get a round in. 2nd date it's who pays the bill first ... if he did then they'd be no say re 3rd date, that's on me!! Equals without all the stupid fuss

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like a bit of old fashioned chivalry but the last few social Fab dates i’ve been on, I bought the first round.

I prefer to get on there quick then they’re no messing.

On the back of that the guys that i’ve met again have offered to pay or we’ve gone halves.

But if a guy said he was paying for the whole thing then i’d certainly let him!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've gone away I thought about ... I'd be mortified splitting the bill what a kerfuffle! Rather pay myself, I think it's rather degrading

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've gone away I thought about ... I'd be mortified splitting the bill what a kerfuffle! Rather pay myself, I think it's rather degrading "
take me out then

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've gone away I thought about ... I'd be mortified splitting the bill what a kerfuffle! Rather pay myself, I think it's rather degrading take me out then "

When?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I might upset a few people in saying this but fuck it...

I see lots of women wanting equality and to be treated the same as men, but are then offended when they realise that also means paying their way.

You're the exception to the rule! Heard that guy is a bit of a prick

You heard right.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I might upset a few people in saying this but fuck it...

I see lots of women wanting equality and to be treated the same as men, but are then offended when they realise that also means paying their way.

After this comment the feminist will get you....

God speed

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By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

"It was just awkward as he went to the bar, ordered and payed but lesson learnt and I will always offer to pay half from now on

I honestly wouldn’t worry! If you’d both been attracted to each other and the date had gone well I don’t think he’d have thought twice about who’d paid the fiver! I’m guessing he was just saving face as he could tell you didn’t fancy him!

I had a date a couple of weeks ago! He bought me a drink - and I realised within about 5 minutes that he wasn’t for me - but he was a really nice bloke!

We went to another pub - I told him that he wasn’t for me but I was happy to get a round in and chat more - so we did! Quite a pleasant evening all in all!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No a gent always pays "

This!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I might upset a few people in saying this but fuck it...

I see lots of women wanting equality and to be treated the same as men, but are then offended when they realise that also means paying their way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I might upset a few people in saying this but fuck it...

I see lots of women wanting equality and to be treated the same as men, but are then offended when they realise that also means paying their way.

After this comment the feminist will get you....

God speed"

Let them come

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Manly men do manly things, it be rude not to pay.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

I always offer to pay or will but first.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I think that's the point that a lot of women who 'insist' don't get, some men would be made uncomfortable by that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

50/50 I’ll buy one you buy one next.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think that's the point that a lot of women who 'insist' don't get, some men would be made uncomfortable by that."
ok I agree where you taking me...... Four seasons or the ritz?

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By *nkidutuMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

What a tight airse..good way to find out. People like that are sad..so you are lucky!

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By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

If he bought coffees I’d at least offer to pay for the next round of drinks. I like to pay my share or at least offer it even if it’s not accepted. If there’s a next date I’ll pay.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He was pissed off he didn't get a blow job for his fiver' s worth of drinks.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Haha, yes, that's just it!

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I think that's the point that a lot of women who 'insist' don't get, some men would be made uncomfortable by that.ok I agree where you taking me...... Four seasons or the ritz? "

Chip shop if yer lucky!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"He was pissed off he didn't get a blow job for his fiver' s worth of drinks."

Sounds about right after the messages I received today! I apologised, declined and blocked

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By *rimtonMan over a year ago

Bromley

The ‘I’m old fashioned’ line is a bit lame.

Do you watch a black+ white tv at home?

Throw your jacket down over every puddle on the high st?

Chop wood for a fire?

On an Internet sex site, saying you’re old fashioned. Ok dokes

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"The ‘I’m old fashioned’ line is a bit lame.

Do you watch a black+ white tv at home?

Throw your jacket down over every puddle on the high st?

Chop wood for a fire?

On an Internet sex site, saying you’re old fashioned. Ok dokes "

I chop wood and wear vintage clothes and dance to 50's music! I still like the days when men were men and women were glad of it......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think that's the point that a lot of women who 'insist' don't get, some men would be made uncomfortable by that.ok I agree where you taking me...... Four seasons or the ritz?

Chip shop if yer lucky!"
oi luvv chish n fips

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The ‘I’m old fashioned’ line is a bit lame.

Do you watch a black+ white tv at home?

Throw your jacket down over every puddle on the high st?

Chop wood for a fire?

On an Internet sex site, saying you’re old fashioned. Ok dokes

I chop wood and wear vintage clothes and dance to 50's music! I still like the days when men were men and women were glad of it......

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By *luebell888Woman over a year ago

Glasgowish

I would expect the male to pay for the first drink and then i would pay for the 2nd. If you let him pay for everything then its like he is paying his way into your knickers which is not good.

Was it a vanilla date or Fab meet?. Nobody on Fab should be out of pocket during a meet. I pay half always.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would have bought the first round as the man but if it wasn't reciprocated I would probably just think you were tight and just after a free date.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then again you are quite fit so maybe I would have got the first two rounds.

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By *oodyshere2011Man over a year ago

Midlands

I don’t expect anything, I certainly wouldn’t moan about paying. Just have a laugh is the main thing

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By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Darlin if he was in to you he wouldn't be quibbling over a fiver.

You'd probably also have had more than one round if there had been any chemistry.

Chalk it up to experience and offer to pay your way going forward.

Tally ho.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Manly men do manly things, it be rude not to pay."

Since when has it been considered manly to pay for dinner?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

MT here

For me if a lady offers to pay half then I have no issue with that.

But if I liked the girl if she did not pay half towards a couple of drinks it would not be a deal breaker

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s funny...... I haven’t read a comment from a feminist... I wonder why....

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