FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > I’m a bit rubbish in bed
I’m a bit rubbish in bed
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Should have put this in the lounge. More traffic there. Put it in the lounge.
Bugger.
Is there a way to move threads?  "
Just start a new one fuck it. There’s no quota on starting threads, do what you want my darling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a lot rubbish in bed but I've been told I make a great cup of coffee so hey ho!
Play to your strengths OP 
Good advice.
Coffee is all very well, but how good is your Yorkshire tea? "
Fecking awesome |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"Can anyone on here help me improve my technique?
No need for answers on a postcard, you can just pm me  . "
As with anything, practice by yourself first. When you get the hang of that, you can move on to involving others.
Alternatively, you could go the common route on here and blame the bed for being rubbish under you, or the shop that sold it to you, or bemoan the poor quality of Egyptian cotton... |
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By *hite1100 OP Man
over a year ago
Hither Green |
"Can anyone on here help me improve my technique?
No need for answers on a postcard, you can just pm me .
As with anything, practice by yourself first. When you get the hang of that, you can move on to involving others.
Alternatively, you could go the common route on here and blame the bed for being rubbish under you, or the shop that sold it to you, or bemoan the poor quality of Egyptian cotton..."
Bloody poxy John Lewis bedding. That’s the problem . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends what you're doing too, if you have a regular partner listen to her ask her what she wants to try .... Go slow at first, foreplay , feel her body and stroke various places.... Between her thighs her arms and hips ... Don't just be like a jack hammer and smash her everywhere... Just be smooth. |
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By *hite1100 OP Man
over a year ago
Hither Green |
"I had rubbish in my bed the other night. I was eating fish and chips, dropped off and woke up with my face squashed in greasy newspaper. It was an attractive sight  "
Could have been worse. It could have been gravy and chips, which would have left some seriously dubious looking stains. |
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"I had rubbish in my bed the other night. I was eating fish and chips, dropped off and woke up with my face squashed in greasy newspaper. It was an attractive sight
Could have been worse. It could have been gravy and chips, which would have left some seriously dubious looking stains. "
True but down here on the coast we don't have gravy on our chips if we're eating them in bed. We do have standards ya know. Besides the vinegar from the pickled onions curdles it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends what you're doing too, if you have a regular partner listen to her ask her what she wants to try .... Go slow at first, foreplay , feel her body and stroke various places.... Between her thighs her arms and hips ... Don't just be like a jack hammer and smash her everywhere... Just be smooth. "
It's all about the passion, for me, and the hips. Not many people gyrate any more. |
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By *hite1100 OP Man
over a year ago
Hither Green |
"It depends what you're doing too, if you have a regular partner listen to her ask her what she wants to try .... Go slow at first, foreplay , feel her body and stroke various places.... Between her thighs her arms and hips ... Don't just be like a jack hammer and smash her everywhere... Just be smooth.
It's all about the passion, for me, and the hips. Not many people gyrate any more. "
There must be at least one Elvis impersonator on here, surely?
Look them up . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It depends what you're doing too, if you have a regular partner listen to her ask her what she wants to try .... Go slow at first, foreplay , feel her body and stroke various places.... Between her thighs her arms and hips ... Don't just be like a jack hammer and smash her everywhere... Just be smooth.
It's all about the passion, for me, and the hips. Not many people gyrate any more.
There must be at least one Elvis impersonator on here, surely?
Look them up . "
My worse nightmare. I can't abide Elvis impersonators |
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"It depends what you're doing too, if you have a regular partner listen to her ask her what she wants to try .... Go slow at first, foreplay , feel her body and stroke various places.... Between her thighs her arms and hips ... Don't just be like a jack hammer and smash her everywhere... Just be smooth.
It's all about the passion, for me, and the hips. Not many people gyrate any more.
There must be at least one Elvis impersonator on here, surely?
Look them up .
My worse nightmare. I can't abide Elvis impersonators "
We used to go to chinese restaurant where the owner was an Elvis impersonator. That was surreal |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"It depends what you're doing too, if you have a regular partner listen to her ask her what she wants to try .... Go slow at first, foreplay , feel her body and stroke various places.... Between her thighs her arms and hips ... Don't just be like a jack hammer and smash her everywhere... Just be smooth.
It's all about the passion, for me, and the hips. Not many people gyrate any more.
There must be at least one Elvis impersonator on here, surely?
Look them up .
My worse nightmare. I can't abide Elvis impersonators
We used to go to chinese restaurant where the owner was an Elvis impersonator. That was surreal"
"Love me tenderloin...."? |
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By *hite1100 OP Man
over a year ago
Hither Green |
"It depends what you're doing too, if you have a regular partner listen to her ask her what she wants to try .... Go slow at first, foreplay , feel her body and stroke various places.... Between her thighs her arms and hips ... Don't just be like a jack hammer and smash her everywhere... Just be smooth.
It's all about the passion, for me, and the hips. Not many people gyrate any more.
There must be at least one Elvis impersonator on here, surely?
Look them up .
My worse nightmare. I can't abide Elvis impersonators
We used to go to chinese restaurant where the owner was an Elvis impersonator. That was surreal
"Love me tenderloin...."?"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Should have put this in the lounge. More traffic there. Put it in the lounge.
Bugger.
Is there a way to move threads?
Just start a new one fuck it. There’s no quota on starting threads, do what you want my darling. "
Or you could 'report' the thread to admin and ask for them to move it for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm a lot rubbish in bed but I've been told I make a great cup of coffee so hey ho!
Play to your strengths OP "
When you look like you, I think you can get forgiven any deficiencies in bed... which I'm sure there aren't... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm a lot rubbish in bed but I've been told I make a great cup of coffee so hey ho!
Play to your strengths OP
Good advice.
Coffee is all very well, but how good is your Yorkshire tea?
Fecking awesome "
Good at tea AND coffee..... Is there no end to these talents!?!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can anyone on here help me improve my technique?
No need for answers on a postcard, you can just pm me . "
just lie on your back and let them do all the work |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
"It depends what you're doing too, if you have a regular partner listen to her ask her what she wants to try .... Go slow at first, foreplay , feel her body and stroke various places.... Between her thighs her arms and hips ... Don't just be like a jack hammer and smash her everywhere... Just be smooth.
It's all about the passion, for me, and the hips. Not many people gyrate any more.
There must be at least one Elvis impersonator on here, surely?
Look them up .
My worse nightmare. I can't abide Elvis impersonators
We used to go to chinese restaurant where the owner was an Elvis impersonator. That was surreal"
It was called "Gracelands" in Tunbridge Wells? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Get a big wad of cash, and ask her how much to pretend!
Luckily for me, I don’t have to pretend, mate . "
Oh, you are genuinely crap in bed then.
Gutted for ya |
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By *hite1100 OP Man
over a year ago
Hither Green |
"Get a big wad of cash, and ask her how much to pretend!
Luckily for me, I don’t have to pretend, mate .
Oh, you are genuinely crap in bed then.
Gutted for ya "
I’ve got 99 problems, being crap in bed ain’t one... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Get a big wad of cash, and ask her how much to pretend!
Luckily for me, I don’t have to pretend, mate .
Oh, you are genuinely crap in bed then.
Gutted for ya
I’ve got 99 problems, being crap in bed ain’t one... "
Shush, take the good people of fabs bedtime advice and one day you might make a girl cum.
But probably not one off here.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Get a big wad of cash, and ask her how much to pretend!
Luckily for me, I don’t have to pretend, mate .
Oh, you are genuinely crap in bed then.
Gutted for ya
I’ve got 99 problems, being crap in bed ain’t one... "
But that's what you called the thread OP? How strange ... |
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By *hite1100 OP Man
over a year ago
Hither Green |
"Get a big wad of cash, and ask her how much to pretend!
Luckily for me, I don’t have to pretend, mate .
Oh, you are genuinely crap in bed then.
Gutted for ya
I’ve got 99 problems, being crap in bed ain’t one...
Shush, take the good people of fabs bedtime advice and one day you might make a girl cum.
But probably not one off here. "
Too late, chap.
Job already jobbed  . |
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By *hite1100 OP Man
over a year ago
Hither Green |
"Get a big wad of cash, and ask her how much to pretend!
Luckily for me, I don’t have to pretend, mate .
Oh, you are genuinely crap in bed then.
Gutted for ya
I’ve got 99 problems, being crap in bed ain’t one...
But that's what you called the thread OP? How strange ..."
It was a
D
N
I
W
(wind-up)
Do try to keep up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm a lot rubbish in bed but I've been told I make a great cup of coffee so hey ho!
Play to your strengths OP "
I don’t drink tea so I guess I’ll have to make do with your weaknesses |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Get a big wad of cash, and ask her how much to pretend!
Luckily for me, I don’t have to pretend, mate .
Oh, you are genuinely crap in bed then.
Gutted for ya
I’ve got 99 problems, being crap in bed ain’t one...
But that's what you called the thread OP? How strange ...
It was a
D
N
I
W
(wind-up)
Do try to keep up. "
Yea yea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've said this one before on another thread so sorry if it bores, write every letter of the alphabet in small case with your knob when shagging. When you get to Z do it again in big case.
Tell you it works every time but don't let on of course your secret |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm a lot rubbish in bed but I've been told I make a great cup of coffee so hey ho!
Play to your strengths OP "
But you also look very sexy too that and coffee.. hows your cooking lol |
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