FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > No return veri
No return veri
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Now, my Mother always made us write Thank you letters/notes when we were kids. I always say please and thank you and always give and return veris to people, either met through my couple profile or single profile....it REALLY REALLY annoys me when those aren't returned. Even a 'Met at such and such place. She is real'. I am NOT that much of a narcissist that I NEED the validation, I know who I am, it's the RUDENESS. Especially if the person(s) is new and has reached out for advice etc. Is it just me or no? It's the one issue I have with Fab that REALLY makes me CROSS! |
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Only polite to return the favour.
Verification can be the hurdle new members need to get over and if they come to you for one then why shouldn't they return it.
Rudeness sea to be the way a lot of folk are nowadays |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
If it's the first time meeting someone then yes I'd expect us both to verify each other. If they didn't I'd assume they didn't want to meet again or had some reason to hide that they'd met me. Meeting the same person multiple times I wouldn't normally bother after the first unless they asked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now, my Mother always made us write Thank you letters/notes when we were kids. I always say please and thank you and always give and return veris to people, either met through my couple profile or single profile....it REALLY REALLY annoys me when those aren't returned. Even a 'Met at such and such place. She is real'. I am NOT that much of a narcissist that I NEED the validation, I know who I am, it's the RUDENESS. Especially if the person(s) is new and has reached out for advice etc. Is it just me or no? It's the one issue I have with Fab that REALLY makes me CROSS! "
Now, to be honest, if all the other person had to say was "Turned up, was real", I'd rather not have the verification at all. Nearly all mine are like that, purely pro forma verifications from organisers of socials. All they do is bulk up the figures on your summary, they don't say anything about you that's worth knowing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Only polite to return the favour.
Verification can be the hurdle new members need to get over and if they come to you for one then why shouldn't they return it.
Rudeness sea to be the way a lot of folk are nowadays"
Exactly. If a new guy reaches out and we are at the same event or something, I will veri him. It helps him in the long run but this is also couples some of which have 400+ veris and NEVER send one back in return. Not one.
RUDENESS I cannot abide. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it’s down to everyone to decide how they want to verify or not, but maybe it’s fair to agree parameters up front?
I remember when I first joined first time here and was unverified. I got a ‘meet tonight’ meeting with a couple and it went ok (I thought!) and they said they’d verify me but didn’t!
I kind of thought I must have been awful but then when I looked at their veri trail they had lots of veris but they never seemed to verify anyone back! So it wasn’t just me.
So I kind of get where you’re coming from. Especially if you’re new without a veri.
But you’re well verified anyway OP so whilst I can empathise with you, I’d shrug it off as experience and move on if you can! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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've always left a veri with those I've met sexually, some I've met socially too? But then again I'm one of these strange people that actually likes writing!
A lot don't or find that they don't know what to say or that thinking about writing makes their heads hurt. A lot are just too damn busy and it takes them a lot longer and a lot more effort to write a veri than it does me. Some see the kind of veris I write and feel that they couldn't write like that so don't bother. All valid reasons not to leave one and tbf about a third of the people I've had carnal delights with on here haven't left me a veri?
Whatever the reason I don't hold it against them, everyone is different and some people just can't write at all, no biggie.
That's not to say I don't like receiving them, it's not the point of proving I'm genuine, veris to me are like happy mementos of a most enjoyable encounter to look over at a later date and think "Mmmmm yes, now THAT was certainly delightful..." But I know that I won't always get them as some people just don't do veris or do them haphazardly. That's cool.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now, my Mother always made us write Thank you letters/notes when we were kids. I always say please and thank you and always give and return veris to people, either met through my couple profile or single profile....it REALLY REALLY annoys me when those aren't returned. Even a 'Met at such and such place. She is real'. I am NOT that much of a narcissist that I NEED the validation, I know who I am, it's the RUDENESS. Especially if the person(s) is new and has reached out for advice etc. Is it just me or no? It's the one issue I have with Fab that REALLY makes me CROSS! "
it doesn't bother me, some people are into veris and some aren't
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"'ve always left a veri with those I've met sexually, some I've met socially too? But then again I'm one of these strange people that actually likes writing!
A lot don't or find that they don't know what to say or that thinking about writing makes their heads hurt. A lot are just too damn busy and it takes them a lot longer and a lot more effort to write a veri than it does me. Some see the kind of veris I write and feel that they couldn't write like that so don't bother. All valid reasons not to leave one and tbf about a third of the people I've had carnal delights with on here haven't left me a veri?
Whatever the reason I don't hold it against them, everyone is different and some people just can't write at all, no biggie.
That's not to say I don't like receiving them, it's not the point of proving I'm genuine, veris to me are like happy mementos of a most enjoyable encounter to look over at a later date and think "Mmmmm yes, now THAT was certainly delightful..." But I know that I won't always get them as some people just don't do veris or do them haphazardly. That's cool.
"
Yeah. Maybe I'm just being a bit of a brat. Lol. I shall get over it. Just fancied some advice really. Thanks all. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like the above poster, veris are a nice way of remembering things. I have a crap memory and I like to give them in a timely manner, usually within 24hrs. Waiting weeks for a return one I'm afraid to say does annoy me.
I've been asked not to verify for reasons and I'm ok with that.
Question is to nudge or not to? |
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"Only polite to return the favour.
Verification can be the hurdle new members need to get over and if they come to you for one then why shouldn't they return it.
Rudeness sea to be the way a lot of folk are nowadays
Exactly. If a new guy reaches out and we are at the same event or something, I will veri him. It helps him in the long run but this is also couples some of which have 400+ veris and NEVER send one back in return. Not one.
RUDENESS I cannot abide. "
Some do so on purpose and won't leave a veri until they get a second or third meet (Disgusting Desperate Arseholes)
 |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Only polite to return the favour.
Verification can be the hurdle new members need to get over and if they come to you for one then why shouldn't they return it.
Rudeness sea to be the way a lot of folk are nowadays
Exactly. If a new guy reaches out and we are at the same event or something, I will veri him. It helps him in the long run but this is also couples some of which have 400+ veris and NEVER send one back in return. Not one.
RUDENESS I cannot abide.
Some do so on purpose and won't leave a veri until they get a second or third meet (Disgusting Desperate Arseholes)
"
Yeah some single women do that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people do get a little jealous around the whole veri culture! I know of one guy (no longer on the site) who used to get upset if the ladies he was talking to displayed a new veri : basically saying they were rubbing his face in it and were being disrespectful to him by seeing others when they were chatting to him! (I guess he wanted some sort of exclusivity!?)
So he said they should hide them or not show them when they were speaking to him.
So I can understand why some decide not to show them or give them out if it’s going to cause an adverse reaction and unnecessary drama!
It’s a personal choice! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I generally give one verification for coffee meet, and one for a play meet!.. Purely for the reason, to say someone is worth it! ...any further meets stay private!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some people do get a little jealous around the whole veri culture! I know of one guy (no longer on the site) who used to get upset if the ladies he was talking to displayed a new veri : basically saying they were rubbing his face in it and were being disrespectful to him by seeing others when they were chatting to him! (I guess he wanted some sort of exclusivity!?)
So he said they should hide them or not show them when they were speaking to him.
So I can understand why some decide not to show them or give them out if it’s going to cause an adverse reaction and unnecessary drama!
It’s a personal choice! "
REALLY?! Wow..... nowt as queer as folk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had the same OP and it does make me a little cross as veris are to fab what the feedback is for ebay or uber. I assumed it was me but clearly not just me. Some people are not like us..... 
Mike xx |
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It doesn't really bother us, but alot of people (as we do) tend to follow the verification trail, so if we leave a verification for someone and then others reads it, ultimately they will then look at our verifications, and if we didn't get a return verification people will think we were probably a rubbish shag. So to contradict myself, YES it does bother us.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I won’t show mine anymore so it doesn’t really matter. However, I do believe it’s nice that if you’ve met someone you can save a little “momento” of the meet of you both agree it was fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now, my Mother always made us write Thank you letters/notes when we were kids. I always say please and thank you and always give and return veris to people, either met through my couple profile or single profile....it REALLY REALLY annoys me when those aren't returned. Even a 'Met at such and such place. She is real'. I am NOT that much of a narcissist that I NEED the validation, I know who I am, it's the RUDENESS. Especially if the person(s) is new and has reached out for advice etc. Is it just me or no? It's the one issue I have with Fab that REALLY makes me CROSS! "
Shame u didn't meet up with me.. I would have verified u xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Main reason is some ppl want to be discrete. We also missed on couple of veris but sometimes they don't want to offend their regular partners.
We are not bothered about it. |
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"Now, my Mother always made us write Thank you letters/notes when we were kids. I always say please and thank you and always give and return veris to people, either met through my couple profile or single profile....it REALLY REALLY annoys me when those aren't returned. Even a 'Met at such and such place. She is real'. I am NOT that much of a narcissist that I NEED the validation, I know who I am, it's the RUDENESS. Especially if the person(s) is new and has reached out for advice etc. Is it just me or no? It's the one issue I have with Fab that REALLY makes me CROSS!
Shame u didn't meet up with me.. I would have verified u xx"
As an unverified profile unfortunately you wouldn't of been able to verify him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think for all those who say they don’t care whether they get a veri returned or not , that’s not the point with this thread . The op does care , and she thinks it’s rude . I do too  "
Agreed, it’s very rude, those that say they don’t care generally do really as why would they verify? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think for all those who say they don’t care whether they get a veri returned or not , that’s not the point with this thread . The op does care , and she thinks it’s rude . I do too "
We do like veris but can't force someone who doesn't want to leave us one.
We just don't think that it's rude, there can be many reasons and I am sure OP may have mailed them asking for veris. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Main reason is some ppl want to be discrete. We also missed on couple of veris but sometimes they don't want to offend their regular partners.
We are not bothered about it."
That’s really rather sad that people pander to other people’s hang ups and insecurities, if any of our regulars got annoyed that we’d been verified by others, we’d not see them again, isn’t swinging about variety? |
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It's not not getting a veri per se that's irked me in the past ... because I appreciate some people don't like writing them for various reasons. However, I *do* find it rude when you've bothered to write one for someone who happily publishes it yet fails to do the same for you ... after all, if it was a case of regretting the meet for whatever reason, or not wanting to be publicly associated with you thereafter, surely they'd not show a veri from you at all? It just feels a bit 'off' when they gain an advantage via your endorsement (confirmed genuine, plus any compliments/positive remarks you've made about them) but don't return the favour. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"Main reason is some ppl want to be discrete. We also missed on couple of veris but sometimes they don't want to offend their regular partners.
We are not bothered about it.
That’s really rather sad that people pander to other people’s hang ups and insecurities, if any of our regulars got annoyed that we’d been verified by others, we’d not see them again, isn’t swinging about variety? "
I agree with this, if you're trying to hide meets to appease someone else that spells drama to me, and I'm out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Main reason is some ppl want to be discrete. We also missed on couple of veris but sometimes they don't want to offend their regular partners.
We are not bothered about it.
That’s really rather sad that people pander to other people’s hang ups and insecurities, if any of our regulars got annoyed that we’d been verified by others, we’d not see them again, isn’t swinging about variety?
I agree with this, if you're trying to hide meets to appease someone else that spells drama to me, and I'm out. "
That's the real truth unfortunately. We got it after meeting few. They don't understand variety,intact I can add bit more that such cpls shouldn't be meeting any new ones.
Can't really force ppl for veris. Then we feel very shallow to ask again . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I allways veryfi others I meet so other people know they are genuine and do meet it allso help others dicide if they wish to meet up and what kind of meet they want"
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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago
Deepest darkest Peru |
"Some people do get a little jealous around the whole veri culture! I know of one guy (no longer on the site) who used to get upset if the ladies he was talking to displayed a new veri : basically saying they were rubbing his face in it and were being disrespectful to him by seeing others when they were chatting to him! (I guess he wanted some sort of exclusivity!?)
So he said they should hide them or not show them when they were speaking to him.
So I can understand why some decide not to show them or give them out if it’s going to cause an adverse reaction and unnecessary drama!
It’s a personal choice!
REALLY?! Wow..... nowt as queer as folk. "
This happened to me a couple of month ago |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people do get a little jealous around the whole veri culture! I know of one guy (no longer on the site) who used to get upset if the ladies he was talking to displayed a new veri : basically saying they were rubbing his face in it and were being disrespectful to him by seeing others when they were chatting to him! (I guess he wanted some sort of exclusivity!?)
So he said they should hide them or not show them when they were speaking to him.
So I can understand why some decide not to show them or give them out if it’s going to cause an adverse reaction and unnecessary drama!
It’s a personal choice!
REALLY?! Wow..... nowt as queer as folk.
This happened to me a couple of month ago "
Well we had a single guy who would ask us after every veri," oh you don't have time for me because you play with others"
Lol, needless to say we blocked him.
Don't want obsessed lovers.
Then we decided that we will not make anyone regular and stay away from ppl who wanna make us regular. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to admit that I really hate writing a veri and have been reminded several times to do it. "
Me too. I only do them if people specifically ask or they don’t have any and want one. I also don’t like people doing them for me. I’ve enough on there to prove I’m genuine as far as I’m concerned. To me they’re like notches. |
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"I won’t show mine anymore so it doesn’t really matter. However, I do believe it’s nice that if you’ve met someone you can save a little “momento” of the meet of you both agree it was fun. "
That's a great way to see it! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think for all those who say they don’t care whether they get a veri returned or not , that’s not the point with this thread . The op does care , and she thinks it’s rude . I do too "
Thank you  |
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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago
Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish) |
Common courtesy, for me anyway would dictate that I wrote one in return. We have verified others without getting one and it isn't the end of the world but I just consider it a lazy attitude. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to admit that I really hate writing a veri and have been reminded several times to do it. You're hard work you are  "
I just don’t like them tbh. I’ve asked many not to leave one. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"I have to admit that I really hate writing a veri and have been reminded several times to do it. You're hard work you are
I just don’t like them tbh. I’ve asked many not to leave one. "
Yeah just a preference I guess, not that important for single women anyway. |
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By *ynxxxMan
over a year ago
Leeds |
"It's not not getting a veri per se that's irked me in the past ... because I appreciate some people don't like writing them for various reasons. However, I *do* find it rude when you've bothered to write one for someone who happily publishes it yet fails to do the same for you ... after all, if it was a case of regretting the meet for whatever reason, or not wanting to be publicly associated with you thereafter, surely they'd not show a veri from you at all? It just feels a bit 'off' when they gain an advantage via your endorsement (confirmed genuine, plus any compliments/positive remarks you've made about them) but don't return the favour. "
This.
I don't mind if people don't want to do a veri, though I'll happily write one if asked.
But what gets me, is when the lady or couple in question, ask you (on more than one occasion) to write them one. And when you do, it's published within seconds. And then when you ask for one in return you get...nothing.
You go and big them up, and you get blanked. You're right. It feels 'off' and rude. I'm tempted to block them so they lose the veri, but I'm bigger than that |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I don’t like being asked to give a verification. I’ll give one when I’ve actually met a person. I don’t think going on cam merits a verification.
I’ll usually only verify a social meet. No need to verify every time you meet a person. I do get annoyed at times if someone doesn’t return the verification but it’s not worth losing sleep over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Main reason is some ppl want to be discrete. We also missed on couple of veris but sometimes they don't want to offend their regular partners.
We are not bothered about it.
That’s really rather sad that people pander to other people’s hang ups and insecurities, if any of our regulars got annoyed that we’d been verified by others, we’d not see them again, isn’t swinging about variety? "
It's about all things to all people, no two people are the same |
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