FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Persuade my wife...
Persuade my wife...
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!  "
Say you will do all the housework  |
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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
Only you know your wife.
Talk to her, but be prepared to explain why you'd be interested in sex with others, or what you think is missing from your current relationship.
Everyone is different and I don't think you will find your answers here
Good luck though |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
Talk to her about it, if she seems like she's wanting to give it a try then maybe let her log in to your profile or encourage her to have her own on fab so she can get a look at the site? Or have a couples one if that makes her feel more comfortable. Good luck with whatever you decide to do OP. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Start by not thinking of it as "persuading" her OP - more talking openly and honestly with her about your fantasies and how you'd like to share them with her.
Be prepared to accept it if she is not interested though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Start by not thinking of it as "persuading" her OP - more talking openly and honestly with her about your fantasies and how you'd like to share them with her.
Be prepared to accept it if she is not interested though "
I'd add to that by saying that perhaps you should be prepared for her reaction to you being on fab if she's most certainly NOT interested.
Perhaps the best approach would be to talk to her about it BEFORE showing her the site and your profile. |
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By *RKMMan
over a year ago
newark |
perhaps the best option is to get her along toa 'naughty' party just as an observer with you. just go......watch the fun....talk about it when you are home. if it made her horny then she will go again...we are all human beings. |
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Ask if she'll do one of those sex surveys honestly with you to get to know each other better. If she will then you both do one and compare the answers together as a bit of fun. Then is she answers positively to the questions related to sex with others and swinging them you know she may be intrested (or you'll know she wont). Of course that plan only works if you know that you can be totally honest with each other. |
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"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please! "
Is it ok to judge positively?
First work on emotional communication with her, then move on to sexual communication. Once you've established both those things chatting to her about swinging will be easy.
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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago
the right frame of mind -London |
"Your first mistake is lookinng for sensible suggestions on here
Although there are a few that are worth taking note of. "
Yes but not all are able to sift wheat from chaff |
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"Ask if she'll do one of those sex surveys honestly with you to get to know each other better. If she will then you both do one and compare the answers together as a bit of fun. Then is she answers positively to the questions related to sex with others and swinging them you know she may be intrested (or you'll know she wont). Of course that plan only works if you know that you can be totally honest with each other."
Good answer above. You could also buy a copy of 'sex at dawn' and leave it on her bed side table... accidentally |
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"Be honest. Firstly, does she know your bi? If so, that can be a good starting point. Secondly, you need to talk to her. This could have the potential to go very wrong. Good luck x"
I agree with this .
If she doesn’t know you’re bi , you’ve got a lot of explaining to do . If she does , I would think she would understand a bit more , and possibly be into it . |
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By *etro1940sCouple
over a year ago
Kingston upon Thames |
"Be honest. Firstly, does she know your bi? If so, that can be a good starting point. Secondly, you need to talk to her. This could have the potential to go very wrong. Good luck x
I agree with this .
If she doesn’t know you’re bi , you’ve got a lot of explaining to do . If she does , I would think she would understand a bit more , and possibly be into it . "
honesty and candour in these things is good - you get more with seduction than with persuasion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please! "
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x |
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"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x "
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively. |
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"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively."
Before we did full swap, we were worried it might feel bad after and effectively we might both feel the way a vanilla person feels when they've been cheated on. That could have ruined our relationship. |
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I started by texting the wife when she was out saying she looks sexy and i can't wait for her too get home. Then saying i bet all the blokes are eyeing you up. We was flirting lot's over text then I asked her if she's been fingered at the bar yet. When she got home she asked me what I'd of done if she had said she had been fingered. Then i said i would of loved it. From then on we did lots of flirting on text to the point i was saying about het being fucked on the bar or pool table. She would get so horny n wet and the sex we had was amazing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively."
This is why I stated that only the Op can answer this as only he knows his wife and truly has an idea of her sexual desires, fantasies and limitations aswell as the strength of their relationship x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please! "
Just give her a good push that usually does it. Then tell her to swing her legs back and forth to keep going... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively."
I feel it's because it can open up a Pandora's box. It can be incredibly difficult fo be totally open and honest to a partner. There may be a fear that if changes their opinions on you, your partner may be disgusted or repulsed at the idea, or are shocked what fantasies they have or want to try, and totally put off that such things have even been suggested. They may be worried that their partner will never be the same with them again. Once words are spoke they can't be taken back. |
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"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively.
Before we did full swap, we were worried it might feel bad after and effectively we might both feel the way a vanilla person feels when they've been cheated on. That could have ruined our relationship. "
I was concerned that it might affect our relationship too but we talked about it, agreed that we were going to experience it as a couple, a unit if you like and that what happened was separate to our relationship. I absolutely understand that people feel that swinging might affect their relationship, what I struggle with is that people feel that talking about it will. |
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"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively.
I feel it's because it can open up a Pandora's box. It can be incredibly difficult fo be totally open and honest to a partner. There may be a fear that if changes their opinions on you, your partner may be disgusted or repulsed at the idea, or are shocked what fantasies they have or want to try, and totally put off that such things have even been suggested. They may be worried that their partner will never be the same with them again. Once words are spoke they can't be taken back. "
Most people have fantasies that they're a bit cautious about revealing I suspect. I understand what you're saying, there's more to lose by telling a loved one your fantasies than a stranger, it's a risk. But how can you ever know someone if you don't know all of them? |
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Thinking about this, I had a conversation with friends once who all said they would leave their husband if he said he'd like to try cross dressing. They were quite shocked when I said that we'd been together a long time and I would certainly consider the idea.
Possibly I'm seeing this through the lens of my own experiences and reactions. |
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"Start by not thinking of it as "persuading" her OP - more talking openly and honestly with her about your fantasies and how you'd like to share them with her.
Be prepared to accept it if she is not interested though "
This |
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"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please! "
Show her your profile and see what she says xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please! "
show her your profile and just say fancy joining me it's great fun |
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There are plenty of books out there on the subject( many e_ books). Say you found one and enjoyed reading it ,sugest she gives it a try. Its a way to open conversation. I tried this with my ex though and he wasnt convinced,thats why i have the lovely buddha now  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively.
I feel it's because it can open up a Pandora's box. It can be incredibly difficult fo be totally open and honest to a partner. There may be a fear that if changes their opinions on you, your partner may be disgusted or repulsed at the idea, or are shocked what fantasies they have or want to try, and totally put off that such things have even been suggested. They may be worried that their partner will never be the same with them again. Once words are spoke they can't be taken back.
Most people have fantasies that they're a bit cautious about revealing I suspect. I understand what you're saying, there's more to lose by telling a loved one your fantasies than a stranger, it's a risk. But how can you ever know someone if you don't know all of them?"
Does anyone actually fully know anyone? You never fully know what's going on in another persons mind. |
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"Thinking about this, I had a conversation with friends once who all said they would leave their husband if he said he'd like to try cross dressing. They were quite shocked when I said that we'd been together a long time and I would certainly consider the idea.
Possibly I'm seeing this through the lens of my own experiences and reactions."
Interesting- do you think they just said that in a reactionary way or that they really meant it literally? |
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You know your wife and her reactions better than anyone on here. But if the profile and verifications are from your time together and she doesn't know, you might want to think about deleting - if it were me in those shoes, I'd be upset abut the deception and I think unable to see past that. Swinging would always be associated with a negative for me in that context.
However, if they're all old or she knows and just hasn't wanted to participate, it could be a good in to a conversation. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
The only correct answer is to ask her if she is interested, deceitful attempts will not work. Obviously there is the awkward situation of how do you bring the subject up but there was a thread the other day where a couple completed an online questionnaire about spicing up their sex life. The result were emailed to each other but only if they both agreed they wanted to try a particular fantasy. |
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"Thinking about this, I had a conversation with friends once who all said they would leave their husband if he said he'd like to try cross dressing. They were quite shocked when I said that we'd been together a long time and I would certainly consider the idea.
Possibly I'm seeing this through the lens of my own experiences and reactions.
Interesting- do you think they just said that in a reactionary way or that they really meant it literally? "
Hmm. I don't think they meant they would pack up as soon as it was mentioned but it does imply to me that it would change the nature of their relationship or at least how they saw him. Which I suppose is fair if it was suddenly sprung on them. |
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"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively.
I feel it's because it can open up a Pandora's box. It can be incredibly difficult fo be totally open and honest to a partner. There may be a fear that if changes their opinions on you, your partner may be disgusted or repulsed at the idea, or are shocked what fantasies they have or want to try, and totally put off that such things have even been suggested. They may be worried that their partner will never be the same with them again. Once words are spoke they can't be taken back.
Most people have fantasies that they're a bit cautious about revealing I suspect. I understand what you're saying, there's more to lose by telling a loved one your fantasies than a stranger, it's a risk. But how can you ever know someone if you don't know all of them?
Does anyone actually fully know anyone? You never fully know what's going on in another persons mind."
No, you're right they don't. I do think though that in a marriage you might expect to know your partner well enough to have a guess at how they might react to certain things. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Go for the softly softly approach and talk about Benidorm, the TV series and say how Donald and Jacqueline are a lot more happier than half of those miserable sods in Eastenders, who are either having an affair or are wishing for a divorce.
Or find an article in Cosmo. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Go for the softly softly approach and talk about Benidorm, the TV series and say how Donald and Jacqueline are a lot more happier than half of those miserable sods in Eastenders, who are either having an affair or are wishing for a divorce.
Or find an article in Cosmo."
Actually, having watched both programmes its true lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Go for the softly softly approach and talk about Benidorm, the TV series and say how Donald and Jacqueline are a lot more happier than half of those miserable sods in Eastenders, who are either having an affair or are wishing for a divorce.
Or find an article in Cosmo.
Actually, having watched both programmes its true lol. "
omg are you OK do you need a hot drink after watching BOTH programs? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ask if she'll do one of those sex surveys honestly with you to get to know each other better. If she will then you both do one and compare the answers together as a bit of fun. Then is she answers positively to the questions related to sex with others and swinging them you know she may be intrested (or you'll know she wont). Of course that plan only works if you know that you can be totally honest with each other."
Google mojo upgrade. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively.
I feel it's because it can open up a Pandora's box. It can be incredibly difficult fo be totally open and honest to a partner. There may be a fear that if changes their opinions on you, your partner may be disgusted or repulsed at the idea, or are shocked what fantasies they have or want to try, and totally put off that such things have even been suggested. They may be worried that their partner will never be the same with them again. Once words are spoke they can't be taken back.
Most people have fantasies that they're a bit cautious about revealing I suspect. I understand what you're saying, there's more to lose by telling a loved one your fantasies than a stranger, it's a risk. But how can you ever know someone if you don't know all of them?
Does anyone actually fully know anyone? You never fully know what's going on in another persons mind.
No, you're right they don't. I do think though that in a marriage you might expect to know your partner well enough to have a guess at how they might react to certain things."
Some couples will, some won't. |
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"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively.
I feel it's because it can open up a Pandora's box. It can be incredibly difficult fo be totally open and honest to a partner. There may be a fear that if changes their opinions on you, your partner may be disgusted or repulsed at the idea, or are shocked what fantasies they have or want to try, and totally put off that such things have even been suggested. They may be worried that their partner will never be the same with them again. Once words are spoke they can't be taken back.
Most people have fantasies that they're a bit cautious about revealing I suspect. I understand what you're saying, there's more to lose by telling a loved one your fantasies than a stranger, it's a risk. But how can you ever know someone if you don't know all of them?
Does anyone actually fully know anyone? You never fully know what's going on in another persons mind.
No, you're right they don't. I do think though that in a marriage you might expect to know your partner well enough to have a guess at how they might react to certain things.
Some couples will, some won't."
And there we have it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If you are lucky then when you open up a bit about your Bi sexuality she will realize that being a female she isn't quite enough for what goes on between those ears of yours. If she is Hetro sexual then you've probably got problems ahead.
My ex wife absolutely told me I was a filthy pervert to want to see her with other men 20 odd years ago. We parted soon after as it was just never going to work. A couple of glasses of wine, maybe a bit of choice porn on the TV and a light hearted discussion about what you are seeing. I tried all that and was a dismal failure.
Strange thing is that after we split up she loosened up a lot for a while and became a lot less judgmental. Experience I guess of other men as we'd met very young. |
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By *ifuwMan
over a year ago
Hull |
We watched a documentary which just happened to be in TV. After we finished watching it we discussed the show and asked could you see us doing that and it went from there. Now we have a singles profile each and a couple's profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hard to add anything said above but I found it easier to bring swinging into the mix before the relationship got established. However that’s no use to you right now the only time I faced this dilemma was using pillow talk fantasies but playing down the importance of our relationship over fantasy. I admitted to the usual male ffm fantasies but admitted the reality is probably scary she admitted to being bi curious and we both liked the idea of getting naked among a sea bodies etc.
Let the root take hold and use these fantasies to enhance your vanilla sex life and before you know it there will be discussions on how to make it reality.
Regarding your established fan activity I would be tempted to start a clean slate with her as I suspect she will feel deceived if she is unaware those early trust and self image issues may come to the fore and just when you think you are living the dream she may just change her mind ! Be careful my friend be very patient |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Go for the softly softly approach and talk about Benidorm, the TV series and say how Donald and Jacqueline are a lot more happier than half of those miserable sods in Eastenders, who are either having an affair or are wishing for a divorce.
Or find an article in Cosmo.
Actually, having watched both programmes its true lol. omg are you OK do you need a hot drink after watching BOTH programs? "
No, a large glass of wine lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Go for the softly softly approach and talk about Benidorm, the TV series and say how Donald and Jacqueline are a lot more happier than half of those miserable sods in Eastenders, who are either having an affair or are wishing for a divorce.
Or find an article in Cosmo.
Actually, having watched both programmes its true lol. omg are you OK do you need a hot drink after watching BOTH programs?
No, a large glass of wine lol. "
Does your head and eyes hurt? |
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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
Buy her a book and/or watch a film featuring MFM or FFM (not a porno) - it's a good way to start a conversation, but keep it fun and lighthearted.
Can extend the conversation over the coming months by teasing her about how you KNOW she wants a threesome with ...... - this works better if you choose someone you know she is really unattracted to, as it's more fun and less real.
As someone else has mentioned, you're going to have to take a very long term, softly, softly approach - it could take months or even years to become a reality.
I hope you succeed in your quest |
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"Only you know your wife.
Talk to her, but be prepared to explain why you'd be interested in sex with others, or what you think is missing from your current relationship.
Everyone is different and I don't think you will find your answers here
Good luck though"
That's a good answer |
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"Hey,
Looking for sensible suggestions on how I can get my wife interested in the swinging scene?
Thanks in advance for sensible suggestions.
No judgements please!
Only you can really answer this Op as you know her better than anyone here. The only advice we can give is “very carefully”, swinging is not worth risking a marriage.
Good luck x
I think this is why so many men are wary of talking to their wives about swinging, they fear it will risk their marriage. How can expressing a sexual desire risk a relationship unless it's issued as an ultimatum i.e. swing or leave, or they just don't communicate effectively.
I feel it's because it can open up a Pandora's box. It can be incredibly difficult fo be totally open and honest to a partner. There may be a fear that if changes their opinions on you, your partner may be disgusted or repulsed at the idea, or are shocked what fantasies they have or want to try, and totally put off that such things have even been suggested. They may be worried that their partner will never be the same with them again. Once words are spoke they can't be taken back.
Most people have fantasies that they're a bit cautious about revealing I suspect. I understand what you're saying, there's more to lose by telling a loved one your fantasies than a stranger, it's a risk. But how can you ever know someone if you don't know all of them?
Does anyone actually fully know anyone? You never fully know what's going on in another persons mind."
in some cases where the mind should be is an empty void too lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You've already fucked up royally by having a verified profile on here.
You are going to have to lie forever to her. If she agrees she'll be under the illusion that every new experience is a journey your both on. She'll be thinking your relationship is developing and is built on trust, and you'll be deceiving her at every turn. Nice.
Although having said that on her profile it says she's only on here because her husband's useless in bed....... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op I'd suggest u erase your profile before u talk to her ,then I'd go down the route of discussing fantasies and see what she likes and see where it leads,then maybe inocently suggest looking on the web |
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