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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m presuming the boundries discussion is about what you feel comfortable with, however right now, as we haven’t had any experiences, we can’t think of any.
Can anyone offer advice and also examples of boundries please?
(This is not a sneaky way of finding out yours  genuine question)
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You’ll come across things that you never even thought you’d have to voice in the way of boundaries, I guess we’re all very different!
Like would you be open to being spanked or tied-up for instance? The three P’s are a no for us, as is anal on meets as we want to keep that for us.
We found some of our boundaries were solid yet others a little more flexible, Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Boundaries are pretty subjective and unique to each person / couple. So many areas too.
If you're discussing them for your first club night or meet, my only advice would be chat to others and take it slow. Better to come away with loads of ideas of things you wanted to do but didn't, rather than regretting jumping in too deep.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
You can have boundaries about all sorts of things and the important thing is for you, as a couple to agree them between yourselves according to what you are comfortable with.
Examples of common boundaries however are:
Kissing - are you happy to both intimately kiss your play partners
Safe sex or bareback - speaks for itself
Anal - is it something you'd be happy doing with play partners
Same room swapping or separate - would you be happy for your partner to go off alone with a play partner.
Soft swap or full swap
The list can be as long or as short as you want to make it but is essentially what you would be happy doing with prospective play partners during, or even before and after a meet - you may also have boundaries agreed between yourselves, and ones that apply to play partners.
Remember there is no right or wrong way, just your way, and once you have agreed what that is, remember to stick to it and respect it, and only change it after discussing and both of you agreeing.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Boundaries" are definitely a thing in any relationship (or meet or hookup) but focusing on them means you're already putting walls up. To flip it to a positive angle we have bucket list of goals and stretch goals. If we get to a particular goal with someone it's a really good starting point for the next one and we never have to worry about boundaries.
Another tactic is having the dominant one of you as a yardstick. If the sub is not comfortable with letting the guest playmate do a particular act they stop the dominant one from doing it. The dominant can then ensure the playmate doesn't go too far. You should know each other well enough to pickup on subtle "too much" or "not yet" cues.
Hopefully that view gives you a way of discussing boundaries and how to play with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with Gemini man totally.
I would add that boundaries change so always revisit and discuss them when ever you feel you need to.
Also it is good to have an agreement that if either one of you becomes uncomfortable that you stop. This is all about having fun and if one of you isn’t then it needs to stop, no matter how much the other person is enjoying themselves. |
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"I’m presuming the boundries discussion is about what you feel comfortable with, however right now, as we haven’t had any experiences, we can’t think of any.
Can anyone offer advice and also examples of boundries please?
(This is not a sneaky way of finding out yours genuine question)
Thanks"
I think this is intriguing, and a damned good question, because I know I should be able to explain the difference between boundaries and limits, but the words don't trip off my tongue.
Best way I can explain it is the kind of difference between the type of experience we're looking for, and the specific acts we'll take part in. So our boundary is that we're happy to meet in clubs or private, and we're happy to play with anyone who can give meaningful consent, but we're not looking for long term poly relationships right now, or for any romantic involvement. Those are the boundaries within which we play - and there are stock phrases others use like soft swing and so on that fit within that.
Limits on the other hand are the same irrespective of the boundaries - Carter won't strike a sub's face to cause bruising or damage for instance, and that's a hard limit. (Before people dive in and say that's a given, it's not always a given in the BDSM world).
Thnk you for posting the question - it made me think and I like that
Carter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
ThanksI think this is intriguing, and a damned good question, because I know I should be able to explain the difference between boundaries and limits, but the words don't trip off my tongue.
Thank you for posting the question - it made me think and I like that
Carter "
This gave me a pause to think and I agree it is a damn good question.
For me boundaries are things that change, almost like a comfort zone. With new experiences your boundaries will change and you will want to push these boundaries.
Limits are just that - no-go immovable barriers that are not going to change and are never ever to be pushed or crossed.
The only way to know these is to discuss and agree then before hand. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you everyone, you have all been super helpful.
There are a couple there that I think we would agree with (proper chat when he gets home from work) so that’s a good start.
I think I wanted to jump in feet first experiencing everything all at once (that’s an image and a half!) but it may be more sensible to take things one step at a time.
7 sleeps until first club visit, so plenty of time to discuss
X  |
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Boundaries are for each individual and should always be respected. I would also say there's preferences that are not deal breakers and can be flexible.
For us we never leave each other when playing and always play in the same room. Safe sex always are our non negotiables. |
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Have a think individually about what you would be happy to see your partner doing with another person, what you would actively enjoy seeing them do and what you would hate. Then get together band compare notes. Would you feel ok about seeing them do something you've never done together for instance or a person doing something to them that you've refused to?
Keep talking and be prepared for the boundaries to change. If something you previously agreed on upsets you, say so. If you feel ready to do something you previously didn't want to, say so.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m presuming the boundries discussion is about what you feel comfortable with, however right now, as we haven’t had any experiences, we can’t think of any.
Can anyone offer advice and also examples of boundries please?
(This is not a sneaky way of finding out yours genuine question)
Thanks"
Nothing violent, choking, hair pulling etc
No anal
No kissing
Definitely no bare back either oral or full sex. |
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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago
In a sleepy little village |
Everyone has some sort of boundaries. Whilst you may think you might like to try everything, maybe have a list for the "set in stone " boundaries and a separate one for things that perhaps you'd like to try when you're with the right person.
I find that whilst I have some , they also change depending on who I'm playing with and the trust we have built up. That's why I prefer to have repeat meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are boundaries are:
- no bum fun
- no taking pics with face
- we don't do separate room
- if it's a couple ... We have to play as a foursome... Fed up of unicorn hunters.
Otherwise we are easy going   |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Boundaries are unique to each person/couple but ours are
Safe sex
Same room
Don't meet single guys
Play/meet together
No anal
Boundaries are also flexible ours are slightly different to what they were when we joined. |
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