FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > It's not just only men
It's not just only men
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When joined the site (10 years ago) when people said they would meet, 99% of the time it would happen. Now I see that people don't even meet for the socials that they arrange.
It's a worrying trend which makes think, what has happened to the scene or have all the genuine swingers just left the scene and it's not just only men that turn up? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ten years is a lot of time in internet time..things have changed rapidly..more people on fab..more swinging sites, more new things like dating apps..badder attitudes towards others, like not answering messages..it's probably just down to people having more choices when looking for sex meets now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?"
I understand your reasoning to a point, but think a big subscription fee is unfair. I'm serious, have met people from this site a few times, always show up etc (most on previous profile), but I'm a student and there's no way I could afford such a fee. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I genuinely at first was against the who subscription as honestly if that was the case, I possibly would not have had half the experiences that this wonderful site has given me, but now even people with verifications are no shows and it seems that the genuine swingers just feel exhausted and frustrated where this site is suppose to be about fun and enjoyment. |
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More by accident than design we started going to clubs rather than meeting elsewhere. Yes it’s a bit more expensive, but at least if people don’t turn up you can still have fun. Once we have met in a club it is then much easier to arrange another meet elsewhere. It works everytime for us  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This may have to be the way forward, as the time that is wasted is incredible. I'm not saying sex as that's never a gaureentee but to not just show up without any calls or any communication is just rude. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?
I understand your reasoning to a point, but think a big subscription fee is unfair. I'm serious, have met people from this site a few times, always show up etc (most on previous profile), but I'm a student and there's no way I could afford such a fee."
Agree with you Peach, it's just very hard to find anyway that works. That level of subscription would be a push for us, but would be change down the sofa for others. As a student I fully understand the pressures financially that can bring and agree it would be exclusive to many. Barring relying on verifications I can't think of any other way to increase the 'show' rate for socials and meets. |
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"More by accident than design we started going to clubs rather than meeting elsewhere. Yes it’s a bit more expensive, but at least if people don’t turn up you can still have fun. Once we have met in a club it is then much easier to arrange another meet elsewhere. It works everytime for us "
& of course you only actually pay when you can afford to go. We don’t have too many clubs that close, so it does mean driving a fair distance but it has always been worthwhile!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?
I understand your reasoning to a point, but think a big subscription fee is unfair. I'm serious, have met people from this site a few times, always show up etc (most on previous profile), but I'm a student and there's no way I could afford such a fee.
Agree with you Peach, it's just very hard to find anyway that works. That level of subscription would be a push for us, but would be change down the sofa for others. As a student I fully understand the pressures financially that can bring and agree it would be exclusive to many. Barring relying on verifications I can't think of any other way to increase the 'show' rate for socials and meets."
There may well be loads of time-waster for whom £300 is nothing, so I don't think it's fair or would necessarily work.
I think going to clubs is great in theory too but the closest one for me is about 3 hours away so that's not really an option either, so I agree that it's difficult to think of a way to improve things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agree with you hung. We have been very lucky and not suffered one yet. The hours we put in to switching work patterns, getting babysitters, grooming, buying new outfits and actually chatting to people to get to the point of a meet all adds up. 2 or 3 no shows would be the end for us. We would stick to clubs after that. Much easier. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?"
Because money always stops people behaving like dicks....Not! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well i’m going to be silly now and propose a refundable deposit scheme....
£20 up front per meet per person
£10 refunded immediately if meet takes place
The rest of the £10 will be paid back depending on score out of 10 given by your meet partner.
For example, if you’re rated 10/10 then you get the full remaining £10 returned, 6/10 then you get £6 back etc etc. 0/10 then forget it and possibly don’t come back. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Well i’m going to be silly now and propose a refundable deposit scheme....
£20 up front per meet per person
£10 refunded immediately if meet takes place
The rest of the £10 will be paid back depending on score out of 10 given by your meet partner.
For example, if you’re rated 10/10 then you get the full remaining £10 returned, 6/10 then you get £6 back etc etc. 0/10 then forget it and possibly don’t come back."
Some of the women on here would be skint in no time  |
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By *irtySekretsCouple
over a year ago
Filthy Desires Upon Trent |
The Scene has changed massively in the 10 years since we started Swinging. Having access to the world in the palm of your hand and easy access to sites like this has revolutionised the way people interact.
We mostly see people just wanting a quick shag. No manners. No respect which is reflective of today’s society.
So yes. Have all the real swingers become I minority? It used to be a naughty secret. Now, everyone is at it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i’m going to be silly now and propose a refundable deposit scheme....
£20 up front per meet per person
£10 refunded immediately if meet takes place
The rest of the £10 will be paid back depending on score out of 10 given by your meet partner.
For example, if you’re rated 10/10 then you get the full remaining £10 returned, 6/10 then you get £6 back etc etc. 0/10 then forget it and possibly don’t come back."
What would the 'scores' relate to? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No but it would out the majority of fakes if priced right "
And how many "genuine" I hate that word people who lack the ability to pay excessive fees.
Logic deficit perhaps.
Money is never a guarantee of integrity |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe when people sign up they get told there account can only be activated by a current fab user verifying them with a social,this fab user will be part of a group of volunteers (would have to be a big group lol with the amount of fab profiles and who are willing ) that would meet the new user to confirm that they look like theit uploaded pic..if there not willing to meet they don't get activated
Something like that anyway  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
The thing is - as with most things, you only tend to hear the bad news stories of meets that didn't show up, ones that were nothing like their picture etc etc - what you don't hear much of is the thousands of meets that successfully go ahead and are repeated etc - so perceptions can become skewed as a result.
The way the site works currently is as good a way as any if you add a good dose of common sense into the mix - trouble is too many people dive into arranging meets with people they've exchanged barely a couple of short messages with and this is what leads to people being let down. If people were a little more diligent (take their time, use common sense and tools like reverse image etc) in a lot of cases (especially single men who find the site tough going so jump at the chance of a meet from a silhouette profile of a "lady") they'd maybe not be led a merry dance.
In over two years here I've not had a meet not show up yet, or feel let down in any way  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m new to all this, and only joined this site this year so I have no clue what it was like before.
I have had two no shows, annoyed me at first but then I just thought I probably dodged a bullet. I still haven’t met anyone, and I’m not in a rush to!
I don’t think a subscription fee would work, people could stay waste someone else’s time if something better (or worse) comes along. All you can do is be patient. |
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"I get that. You just have both sexes not even bothering to turn up for even socials. Gets me thinking, can't everyone just act like adults ?"
If you want to join a group where everyone acts like adults....YOU HAVE COME TO THE WRONG SITE! |
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"More by accident than design we started going to clubs rather than meeting elsewhere. Yes it’s a bit more expensive, but at least if people don’t turn up you can still have fun. Once we have met in a club it is then much easier to arrange another meet elsewhere. It works everytime for us "
Absolutely, and you can also meet the people and even get to change your opinion of them as they are much more approachable than their profiles portray. Some people don't sell themselves very well and without being where others are, don't get the attention perhaps that they should. |
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"The thing is - as with most things, you only tend to hear the bad news stories of meets that didn't show up, ones that were nothing like their picture etc etc - what you don't hear much of is the thousands of meets that successfully go ahead and are repeated etc - so perceptions can become skewed as a result.
The way the site works currently is as good a way as any if you add a good dose of common sense into the mix - trouble is too many people dive into arranging meets with people they've exchanged barely a couple of short messages with and this is what leads to people being let down. If people were a little more diligent (take their time, use common sense and tools like reverse image etc) in a lot of cases (especially single men who find the site tough going so jump at the chance of a meet from a silhouette profile of a "lady") they'd maybe not be led a merry dance.
In over two years here I've not had a meet not show up yet, or feel let down in any way "
You do hear of the good ones all the time, they are called veri's, even if they don't display them, the totals can rise on their summary.
You will never see displayed bad verifications as the option to not display them falls with the people it is sent to. The non naming and shaming policy is correct in that it prevents accusations based on a motive and grievance by the sender, that can be used without basis of any honesty that could destroy the integrity of the recipient. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Agree with you hung. We have been very lucky and not suffered one yet. The hours we put in to switching work patterns, getting babysitters, grooming, buying new outfits and actually chatting to people to get to the point of a meet all adds up. 2 or 3 no shows would be the end for us. We would stick to clubs after that. Much easier."
Maybe a points system would work on fab. So if you turn up for a meet, how you treat each other etc... then you do a veri but also a score. So when looking for a meet you would look for someone who scores high who is genuine and had meets in the past. I've only been on fab for 5years but I've seen a huge change in such short period of time and not for the better. Luckly I've always treated couples,girls with respect and got that back so I've not had any nasty meets or no shows. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?"
really, you'd have no members people would move to a site that didn't charge a fortune even the ones who could afford it, this would also limit your choice in terms of looks etc but then less messages always a bonus
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure of the answer but in my opinion something needs to change or for me it will just get worse as to me goes on. "
these things change with people and the turn around of people is constant
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?"
I'm not a fake or a dreamer but like fuck would I pay £300 to be here! |
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Increased subscription cost will not help. There are already sites with eye watering rates and they also are full of time wasters, pic collectors and trolls.
In my 15 years on the scene I can say it's changed for the worse. Far too many people (mostly guys) after no effort quick fucks. It used to be about exploring mutual pleasures. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think it's just on here tbh, my daughter's generation let each other down all the time ... it's the quick contact and let's do something better attitude so I can only see it getting worse  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"The thing is - as with most things, you only tend to hear the bad news stories of meets that didn't show up, ones that were nothing like their picture etc etc - what you don't hear much of is the thousands of meets that successfully go ahead and are repeated etc - so perceptions can become skewed as a result.
The way the site works currently is as good a way as any if you add a good dose of common sense into the mix - trouble is too many people dive into arranging meets with people they've exchanged barely a couple of short messages with and this is what leads to people being let down. If people were a little more diligent (take their time, use common sense and tools like reverse image etc) in a lot of cases (especially single men who find the site tough going so jump at the chance of a meet from a silhouette profile of a "lady") they'd maybe not be led a merry dance.
In over two years here I've not had a meet not show up yet, or feel let down in any way
You do hear of the good ones all the time, they are called veri's, even if they don't display them, the totals can rise on their summary.
You will never see displayed bad verifications as the option to not display them falls with the people it is sent to. The non naming and shaming policy is correct in that it prevents accusations based on a motive and grievance by the sender, that can be used without basis of any honesty that could destroy the integrity of the recipient. "
Yes veris are of course an indication of the successful meets but they're not quite as "visible" (as in you have to go looking for them) as the plethora of forum threads you see about meets that went wrong and that was my point, it creates a false perception with some about the amount of timewasters and failed meets that gives rise to threads like this looking for ways to change things about the site when change isn't necessarily needed in the way it is set up, as opposed to change in perceptions and the way people approach it |
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?"
The problem is fakers and dreamers can be well off too so the fee wouldnt bother them but I do see your point about trying to discourage these types. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People are being bombarded with soundbite exposure in all media forms, they never stick with things. It's part of our culture to hold out for a better deal so organising things becomes a might be instead of a will be, more so in the younger peoples outlook. Plus also as has been said there are many more options than 10 years ago to engage in our lifestyle, swiping with the likes of tinder comes to mind here.
I guess we just have to live with it as even if you charge a hefty fee for this site it still wouldn't stop it happening I fear. male |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's very true. But if it keeps on going this way, those who are genuine will not stay around for to much longer. "
Maybe not but as with all things it will evolve into something else that's humans for you. male |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
I've only been here just over 3years, a lot has changed, some things not for the best. I find a good amount of common sense and a social meet first time always works. It sorts out the wheat from the chaff. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've only been here just over 3years, a lot has changed, some things not for the best. I find a good amount of common sense and a social meet first time always works. It sorts out the wheat from the chaff. "
Our thoughts exactly male |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?"
Doesn't work I'm afraid. We have tried a site that charges these sorts of amounts and it is even worse for time wasters than this one. Full of plastic people living miles away that you've absolutely no chance of meeting because they are so far up their own arse you'd need a miners lamp to find them.
Like most people say it's a sign of the times. We started on here when this website was in it's infancy and finding a meet was easier than falling off a log. It's still not impossible but is much harder. You just have to do your homework, verify and spot the hedgers as soon as you can. |
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?"
I agree with your point about making it a pay site, but I think £250 is way too much. When I first got involved with swinger websites 14 years ago, there was a £50 per year membership fee, and that was good enough to keep the idiots out. I have to admit that the best years of my internet swinging life was when sites imposed a membership fee. After the fee was waived, it meant all and sundry were free to join, and that includes nut-jobs, fakes, timewasters etc. |
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"Only way to ensure people are serious would be to make them pay, and pay big for site access. A 250-300 a year subscription would kill the fakes and the dreamers. Question is though, how do you initially populate the site? Maybe club owners can nominate 10 regulars each to get things going and grow from there?"
so are you suggesting only club goers should be on the site!! the fee your suggesting would kill the site, yes it would get rid of timewasters but also a lot of others too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take responsibility for yourselves, in over 400 meets we’ve NEVER had a no show, experience had taught us who are the time wasters, dreamers and possibly won’t show up, so instead of blaming a website, think with your brain rather than your genitals and if you have any doubts about someone, just block and move on, it’s that easy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Never say never. When infirst joined the site, I never had any no shows. But when all the normal mechanisms fail I.e. someone who has over 30 verifications, it's not as easy. I would say luck has played a large part in it as it can on on probability will happen to everyone at least once. |
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By *estivalMan
over a year ago
borehamwood |
have been on the site since its first year i reakon and in all that time think ive only been messed about 2 or 3 times. guess i just have a good bullshit detector.if the made it a 2 or 300 quid subscrption reakon id leave the site.just a shame you cant name and shame no shows. mabey be able to tick or cross profiles dependin if they turn up or not.with enough crosses against them u could steer clear |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So what's the answer?"
sex is an everyday item which is based on desire, mood, convenience oh and availability of others so it becomes unreliable for and because of all of the above, increasing the cost of membership doesn't decrease unreliability or the arrival of the once a month ladies ritual or your kids being ill or bills getting on top of you etc etc everyday lives continue, if what you are offering is desirable their will always be a market for it but as time marches on in this lifestyle then the enthusiasm for some not all dwindles, what started off as casual nsa sex becomes a need for more a friend a companion a confident but some may be viewed in this regard by their past endeavours especially if looking for more than casual sex, maybe a relationship. This place is about all things to all people and we are all different so the place is about the ever changing people and another factor is the ever increasing amounts of this type of site, this site for me is one of the better sites for meeting people it's clicky yes but all sites have this element some far worse than this one but meeting is reasonably easy , just enjoy it for what it is, a meeting point, try not to attach any more importance to it than that and if something is too good to be true you can bet your life it is.
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We think, and have said this before, a points style verification system would work well.
So when you leave someone a veri they have the option to display or not display as usual. However when leaving said verification you would also rate them a 1-5 on say 5 different areas, this would remain totally anonymous and even the people you are rating don't get to see your direct score as otherwise people would feel obliged to give high scores as not to upset.
This score would then get mixed with everyone else's score and averaged out.
Having it this way rather than adding the scores up would give people a better view of how their meets go rather than someone who has had loads of meets but only getting say 5 points over someone who has only had a few meets but got full points each time.
You could also then add another search option in to say 'only show users with more than X points' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We think, and have said this before, a points style verification system would work well.
So when you leave someone a veri they have the option to display or not display as usual. However when leaving said verification you would also rate them a 1-5 on say 5 different areas, this would remain totally anonymous and even the people you are rating don't get to see your direct score as otherwise people would feel obliged to give high scores as not to upset.
This score would then get mixed with everyone else's score and averaged out.
Having it this way rather than adding the scores up would give people a better view of how their meets go rather than someone who has had loads of meets but only getting say 5 points over someone who has only had a few meets but got full points each time.
You could also then add another search option in to say 'only show users with more than X points' "
So basically Uber?  |
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It's too easy to say that a significant membership fee will still attract one or two timewasters. It's perfectly true but I'd rather have one or two fee paying timewasters than thousands of them when there's free unlimited access. |
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