FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > When does a 'swing' end?
When does a 'swing' end?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We're very new to this and we had a meet recently at a club that didn't go well for one reason or another. The couple weren't a couple - two individuals, so the experience wasn't what we were looking for. the guy was very much on an individual mission to fuck the living daylights outta my partner! She didn't particularly like it either. Anyway....at the end we were all getting dressed and were pretty much dressed and chatting when he went up and grabbed her to start kissing her again. Being new to all this I let it go....but I wasn't happy about it and felt like I should have said 'hey....enough!" For what it's worth my partner felt the same awkwardness about it.
May seem strange to make complaint if you have already had sex with someone - but there has to be a cut off point where the 'fun' has ended and you are back to respectfully being the couples you arrived as?
whats the opinion here? any other rules or advice anyone can pass on? |
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It's a shame your first experiences were so bad. I'm sure they won't all be like that. We have never been to a club and have only met in the car or at home. We've been quite upfront about the fact that once we've all cum, (maybe twice for Louise on a good meet haha), that is it. Time for our guest to go home and leave us to relax/clean up/cuddle etc. So far everyone has respected that. I'm definitely all for getting your preferences and boundaries out there before you meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That sounds like he overstepped the mark and wasn’t very respectful.
The fun is over when either one of you decide it is. Don’t let things carry on if you aren’t happy and don’t be afraid to say something.
And getting dressed is certainly an indication to stop, unless your partner was kissing him or giving him the go ahead.
Any respectful person would have read the signs.
Sorry you’ve not had a good experience, but put it down to experience and know what you don’t want to happen next time... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any self respecting person would realise when it's time to say goodbye. Not all of us fabbers are like your meet. Just ask more questions next time and get a feel for genuine people and wankers. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're very new to this and we had a meet recently at a club that didn't go well for one reason or another. The couple weren't a couple - two individuals, so the experience wasn't what we were looking for. the guy was very much on an individual mission to fuck the living daylights outta my partner! She didn't particularly like it either. Anyway....at the end we were all getting dressed and were pretty much dressed and chatting when he went up and grabbed her to start kissing her again. Being new to all this I let it go....but I wasn't happy about it and felt like I should have said 'hey....enough!" For what it's worth my partner felt the same awkwardness about it.
May seem strange to make complaint if you have already had sex with someone - but there has to be a cut off point where the 'fun' has ended and you are back to respectfully being the couples you arrived as?
whats the opinion here? any other rules or advice anyone can pass on?"
In a way it was good that you let it go as making a scene would have made the situation even worse for you both. In my opinion play stops when either party says so. Always best to have a little chat beforehand do that e eryone knows the score, although that can be a little awkward in a club scenario I guess. Hope you carry on swinging and have some fun. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the response guys. Yes - to be fair the other couple were young and also new too. We were all nervous and there weren't enough ground rules discussed before - but then again we weren't sure what the ground rules should be! you live and learn I suppose.
I like the idea of finishing when everyone cums....but probably best to say when everyone is getting ready - that's it over. |
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I really feel for you both that she went through with it even though she felt uncomfortable.
Maybe a quiet word with him would have sufficed as in ‘listen mate my wife is getting dressed and we are about to leave but it’s been a nice experience’.
No one should have to have this kind of forced attention if they are uncomfortable with it. The word no can be used, don’t fear that word.
Hope you are both okay OP.
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By *rs99Man
over a year ago
Scarborough |
I've finally realised from this thread that the genuine people on fab are probaly the most niceist and genuine u could ever meet but fabs a big pond and sumtimes its hard to find them staysafe people you know who you are x x x |
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By *uts123Man
over a year ago
Nr Ipswich |
"We're very new to this and we had a meet recently at a club that didn't go well for one reason or another. The couple weren't a couple - two individuals, so the experience wasn't what we were looking for. the guy was very much on an individual mission to fuck the living daylights outta my partner! She didn't particularly like it either. Anyway....at the end we were all getting dressed and were pretty much dressed and chatting when he went up and grabbed her to start kissing her again. Being new to all this I let it go....but I wasn't happy about it and felt like I should have said 'hey....enough!" For what it's worth my partner felt the same awkwardness about it.
May seem strange to make complaint if you have already had sex with someone - but there has to be a cut off point where the 'fun' has ended and you are back to respectfully being the couples you arrived as?
whats the opinion here? any other rules or advice anyone can pass on?"
The more you swing, the more you will find out what you both like and dislike and thereby set out the boundaries before a meet so situations like this won’t occur. Hope the next time is more enjoyable. |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
I'm guessing he knew but didn't care, there's people like that out there but as in life most people know how to behave and read a situation.
Have a good chat prior to playing and really try to get a feel for someone. Ask about their swinging experiences, how they like to play, their swinging opinions etc., you'll soon get a picture of them and them of you and where your ground rules lie. Communication is absolute key, always, but don't feel too bad op we too had a similar early days experience and learnt a lot from it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That sounds a really shitty experience, op for a first time. Hopefully it hasn't put you off altogether.
I think starting to dress is a big enough hunt in itself. I can't comment on club etiquette as I have never been to one. In my experience it's obvious when it's over. Many couples like to then have time to themselves and replay what has just happened. Perhaps in a club that waits until you get home.
As others have already said, neither of you should do anything you aren't comfortable with. Communication, communication, communication. Might it be possible to have a 'safe word' or phrase that you could use to let your partner know one of you isn't happy?
Just a thought. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The easy answer is a swinging meet ends when one of you wants it to end. That is the only rule you need to abide by."
I go with this answer.
In my experience, if you decide to stop a meet at anytime for any reason then you stop it. Other swingers will understand and respect that, if they don’t then they are not the sort of people you want to play with.
I am sorry that was your first experience, I do hope it is not your last because there are a great many wonderful people out there. Good, honest open communication is key to swinging, between yourselves and anyone else you okay with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t know why there are guys like this out there spoiling it for the rest of us. I’ve met quite a few first time couples who, after meeting me, have carried on doing and enjoyed a new element to their life. The ones I’ve kept in touch with have very similar tales to the OPs though, with guys who don’t seem to want to share an experience, rather just think they’re going to be the best thing ever in this couples life. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The easy answer is a swinging meet ends when one of you wants it to end. That is the only rule you need to abide by.
Only? I can think of like 7 more right off the top of my head "
Would you mind sharing? |
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"I've finally realised from this thread that the genuine people on fab are probaly the most niceist and genuine u could ever meet but fabs a big pond and sumtimes its hard to find them staysafe people you know who you are x x x"
I'd agree with this. There's definitely a community here, and they're (we're?) fantastic people. Unfortunately it's not always clear if someone's part of the community or not, and there are also awful people here too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're very new to this and we had a meet recently at a club that didn't go well for one reason or another. The couple weren't a couple - two individuals, so the experience wasn't what we were looking for. the guy was very much on an individual mission to fuck the living daylights outta my partner! She didn't particularly like it either. Anyway....at the end we were all getting dressed and were pretty much dressed and chatting when he went up and grabbed her to start kissing her again. Being new to all this I let it go....but I wasn't happy about it and felt like I should have said 'hey....enough!" For what it's worth my partner felt the same awkwardness about it.
May seem strange to make complaint if you have already had sex with someone - but there has to be a cut off point where the 'fun' has ended and you are back to respectfully being the couples you arrived as?
whats the opinion here? any other rules or advice anyone can pass on?"
you let it happen without saying anything, no good saying it after |
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"The easy answer is a swinging meet ends when one of you wants it to end. That is the only rule you need to abide by.
Only? I can think of like 7 more right off the top of my head
Would you mind sharing?"
Always stick to what's been agreed regarding protection.
Never commence playing unless both of you want it (i.e. you can always back out)
Always back your partners decision, even if you think they are being unreasonable
Don't share sex toys without cleaning them
Don't assume anal is included in a full swap
Thou shalt shower before a meet
Never film or take pictures without prior agreement
Don't mention swinging if you bump into swingers in vanilla life
....
Those a pretty universal, we have a whole bunch more that ~50% of swingers would agree with and 50% wouldn't |
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That’s horrible.
Fabbfun should always be relaxed respectful and fun, but if course life doesn’t always work out that way.
My advice would be to always be picky, tononlybmeet and play when you are both absolutely comfortable with your playmates, and to always feel you can stop at any time.
Your desires and preferences are personal to you and you should always be true to them and to each other.
Hope the next time goes better for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Code words ours is indigo if either one says indigo we leave no questions. We talk about it later. We tell the people we are playing with this before hand especially at private meet. Also red means stop immediately if anyone carries on they get one more chance to stop voluntarily.
It has never come to it though. |
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"Code words ours is indigo if either one says indigo we leave no questions. We talk about it later. We tell the people we are playing with this before hand especially at private meet. Also red means stop immediately if anyone carries on they get one more chance to stop voluntarily.
It has never come to it though."
My best friends have a similar arrangement. I am sure that for couples this must be essential. Both of you happy and comfortable or you stop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're very new to this and we had a meet recently at a club that didn't go well for one reason or another. The couple weren't a couple - two individuals, so the experience wasn't what we were looking for. the guy was very much on an individual mission to fuck the living daylights outta my partner! She didn't particularly like it either. Anyway....at the end we were all getting dressed and were pretty much dressed and chatting when he went up and grabbed her to start kissing her again. Being new to all this I let it go....but I wasn't happy about it and felt like I should have said 'hey....enough!" For what it's worth my partner felt the same awkwardness about it.
May seem strange to make complaint if you have already had sex with someone - but there has to be a cut off point where the 'fun' has ended and you are back to respectfully being the couples you arrived as?
whats the opinion here? any other rules or advice anyone can pass on?"
I think that it's not so much a case of rules and boundaries but perhaps that you both need to learn to be a bit more assertive when you meet and play with people. If I wasn't enjoying having sex with someone, I woukd immediately stop what was happening and try to encourage them to play in a more mutually satisfactory way...if that didn't work, it would be ended there and then. My partner would also be constantly in tune with what's happening to me and would intervene if I needed him to. This is not a criticism, it's a recognition of the minefield that is this pastime of having sex with strangers... |
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I can only say that we had a very similar experience the first time we went to a club . We spent the entire hour and a half journey home mulling over how it happened , and how we could ensure it didn’t happen again .
To cut a long story short , we made a decision to apply our rules in future , and to make these rules clear before we played .
As time went on our rules became way more relaxed , and before long we only really kept three , condom for sex , no anal , and I’m straight !
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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
I’ve played in clubs as part of a couple and as a single.
Now whilst your experience sounds unpleasant because of the guy’s “mission” to fuck your partner, I don’t believe that the circumstances in which he kissed her afterwards crossed some kind of line.
If you had a rule of no kissing then of course. If there had been kissing during a session I was having, I would want to kiss as we were getting dressed. It’s a shared enjoyable (or should be) experience and there should be an element of being social and some intimacy. If I was told all contact had to cease just because everyone had cum, I would feel rather used. I’m not a “stunt cock” and to me a little bit of afterwards kissing is a perfectly acceptable way to round off the session before leaving the room.
Having said all that, I would likely have already read the situation in advance, during and after play. So would likely not have put anyone in the position of crossing boundaries. |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
Having seen your pictures I can understand how someone just couldnt get enough of Lil Miss but, that man's behaviour was inexcusable; the way I'm used to playing is that the play starts when I'm invited into a playroom by a couple and ends when they leave, I leave or anyone involved stays it's ended. And, never ever touch without asking! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t have high experience of Clubs and House Party’s but I have some and it’s always been quite clear when ‘play’ has come to its natural end, I can’t remdmber ever having had to be told.
Plus there’s one rule that everyone abides by, no means no. If that was ignored, then whoever it was should not be invited back into your circle again. |
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"I’ve played in clubs as part of a couple and as a single.
Now whilst your experience sounds unpleasant because of the guy’s “mission” to fuck your partner, I don’t believe that the circumstances in which he kissed her afterwards crossed some kind of line.
If you had a rule of no kissing then of course. If there had been kissing during a session I was having, I would want to kiss as we were getting dressed. It’s a shared enjoyable (or should be) experience and there should be an element of being social and some intimacy. If I was told all contact had to cease just because everyone had cum, I would feel rather used. I’m not a “stunt cock” and to me a little bit of afterwards kissing is a perfectly acceptable way to round off the session before leaving the room.
Having said all that, I would likely have already read the situation in advance, during and after play. So would likely not have put anyone in the position of crossing boundaries. "
A kiss can mean many things , and there are all manner of different types of kiss . From what I read , the kiss while they were changing was more than a peck on the cheek , or a goodbye kiss . If the kiss was a full on snog , it was way over the acceptable way to behave after a meet . That would be the way to try and start playing again , or to bring on some kind of feeling which would be wholly inappropriate while getting changed after a meet .
How far do those you play with have to go so you don’t feel like a “ stunt cock “ ? That’s a serious question . When we visit clubs we like to play with a variety of people , and whilst I accept that we probably wouldn’t be compatible with the more needy people, we certainly wouldn’t appreciate a queue of people wanting to snog my wife when we leave . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It’s interesting reading the varied response - with only one person saying it was perfectly acceptable.
I’m loving all the tips and advice coming through this thread. I think we will definately make the rule that as soon as clothes are put on the experience ends - and then it’s kiss on the cheek and handshakes all round! 
Perhaps it’s mainly because kissing for me is a bit more of an intimate thing. Crazy I know seeing as she’ll do all the other stuff!!! |
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"I’ve played in clubs as part of a couple and as a single.
Now whilst your experience sounds unpleasant because of the guy’s “mission” to fuck your partner, I don’t believe that the circumstances in which he kissed her afterwards crossed some kind of line.
If you had a rule of no kissing then of course. If there had been kissing during a session I was having, I would want to kiss as we were getting dressed. It’s a shared enjoyable (or should be) experience and there should be an element of being social and some intimacy. If I was told all contact had to cease just because everyone had cum, I would feel rather used. I’m not a “stunt cock” and to me a little bit of afterwards kissing is a perfectly acceptable way to round off the session before leaving the room.
Having said all that, I would likely have already read the situation in advance, during and after play. So would likely not have put anyone in the position of crossing boundaries. "
This issue came up in another thread with a single guy saying that he didn't want to be "objectified". I don't really understand that position to be honest. I think you worded it quite well and I don't have any objection to what you said, but i think it's a scale and people should know their role and where they are on that scale. |
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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
" . If the kiss was a full on snog , it was way over the acceptable way to behave after a meet . That would be the way to try and start playing again , or to bring on some kind of feeling which would be wholly inappropriate while getting changed after a meet ."
I had a full on snog last night with someone just before we left the room. It was a kiss on the lips which turned into a snog, so there does have to be a reciprocity in those circumstances. If I had felt the initial small kiss unwarranted, I would have pulled back.
"
How far do those you play with have to go so you don’t feel like a “ stunt cock “ ."
I avoid positions where that may happen.
I tend to play after some social interaction. I’m usually not into the being beckoned into an ongoing play session and on the occasional times I have, there is a social interaction afterwards down at the bar or outside for a smoke.
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I think if someone behaved like that with us, either male or female then they would know they had overstepped the line. Totally disrespectful! The meet stops once we leave that room and they know that. Any snidey behaviour after that means they no longer exist. |
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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
"The meet stops once we leave that room and they know that. Any snidey behaviour after that means they no longer exist."
As I understood the OP, they still were in the room.
I in no way (Whether as a single or part of a couple) see play as some kind of entitlement to continue to paw afterwards. My experience of the reality, is that the post play flirting, continues for the rest of the evening when we see each other. That is mutual.
I’ll say again that it is about reading the situation. If I had overstepped the mark with couples I have played with, then I doubt very much if we would still be in touch. |
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We really don't have any hard and fast rules i mean play between my partner and i can often go on well after we have both been fully satisfied. As our horn ebbs and flows, that being said if that isn't the way you choose to play then i would state that from the get go.
Whilst it made you uncomfortable and that is never ever ok try not to let it get to you, if you can look at it as he was so turned in by your partner he couldn't resist her. Not necessarily a bad thing and now you have found your "cut off" point.
We all no matter how long we are in this world are constantly learning so full respect for examining the feelings your meet brought up. |
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"We're very new to this and we had a meet recently at a club that didn't go well for one reason or another. The couple weren't a couple - two individuals, so the experience wasn't what we were looking for. the guy was very much on an individual mission to fuck the living daylights outta my partner! She didn't particularly like it either. Anyway....at the end we were all getting dressed and were pretty much dressed and chatting when he went up and grabbed her to start kissing her again. Being new to all this I let it go....but I wasn't happy about it and felt like I should have said 'hey....enough!" For what it's worth my partner felt the same awkwardness about it.
May seem strange to make complaint if you have already had sex with someone - but there has to be a cut off point where the 'fun' has ended and you are back to respectfully being the couples you arrived as?
whats the opinion here? any other rules or advice anyone can pass on?"
No set rules other than what you and your wife agree on and out of this it's up to you both to say a polite thanks but no thanks and then a firmer NO !!
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"The meet stops once we leave that room and they know that. Any snidey behaviour after that means they no longer exist.
As I understood the OP, they still were in the room.
I in no way (Whether as a single or part of a couple) see play as some kind of entitlement to continue to paw afterwards. My experience of the reality, is that the post play flirting, continues for the rest of the evening when we see each other. That is mutual.
I’ll say again that it is about reading the situation. If I had overstepped the mark with couples I have played with, then I doubt very much if we would still be in touch. "
I get where you’re coming from , but we would not be happy at all if someone felt post play flirting was acceptable for the rest of the evening . We are clearly not compatible types . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she didn't like the way he was 'fucking the living daylights' out of her why didn't she stop him? When he kissed her why didn't she stop him?
If you were all still in the room he may have thought it was a'thank you and goodbye' kiss. |
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"The meet stops once we leave that room and they know that. Any snidey behaviour after that means they no longer exist.
As I understood the OP, they still were in the room.
I in no way (Whether as a single or part of a couple) see play as some kind of entitlement to continue to paw afterwards. My experience of the reality, is that the post play flirting, continues for the rest of the evening when we see each other. That is mutual.
I’ll say again that it is about reading the situation. If I had overstepped the mark with couples I have played with, then I doubt very much if we would still be in touch. "
I thought they had left the room. Either way once play stops it stops. No fucker would pull that trick on me. It's disrespectful to the couple. Ive played with alot of couples as a single. You are not part of their relationship and certainly don't have a free rein to jump on the fem again. |
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We’ve had men trying to grab my partner when we have been in clubs, I’m not the smallest of folks and worked clubs best part of my life. So generally add my ten pence worth resulting in cock drop often and sulking faces there problem. We stick to couples and single ladies were respect and watching out for each other is paramount to good time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m sorry that you had a bad experience.
And don’t be put off by it.
Keep looking for what you both want and enjoy your selves.
As for when a meet finishes normally you say your goodbyes and leave.
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The only rules of swinging relate to common decency, etiquette and YOUR own boundaries. You should not feel awkward or pressured to do ANYTHING you don't feel 100% comfortable with. All to often we tend to not want to upset people by rejecting them and saying no, but better to say no thank you than to feel uncomfortable and have a bad experience, what happened to you I suspect is rare and nobody should assume something is alright, after all, manners cost nothing and the guy should have asked prior to making any further advances in the circumstances you described. I hope this incident hasn't put you off, experiences should always be positive, fun and exciting leaving you both with a smile; I hope you continue to have more positive experiences in the future. |
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By *ikilovesCCouple
over a year ago
village life, closest main town inverness |
Great thread, the question is one we hadn’t even thought about tbh,
and it’s been good reading the answers, like the Op would have found that
disconcerting to say the least, but you live and learn don’t you  |
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"Always kiss a lady goodbye as you would greet her, on the cheek. Never forget to shake the gentleman by the hand and thank them both. "
‘Ahhh I thank you for letting me shag your wife’ kind of handshake (firm handshake)......awkward |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have never experienced that before, we hope it doesn't put you off!
We have had a few moments where we have thought, okay we can learn from this and we have no problems now saying okay well this situation isn't for us.
At the end of the day, it's about you two and your swinging adventure, don't be worried about pointing out your boundaries.
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
We had a couple of bad experiences when we first started out. We soon learnt that if we are not happy with a situation we WILL stop. Communication between us is just a look so we just know if one is not happy. It isn't an easy thing to do to just stop play in mid flow, but as we have to keep each other from a bad experience it has to be done. We don't have to give others any excuse and only say say 'this is not working for us guys' and stop. Yes the folk you are with might not be happy but you both have to be happy to continue so a double edged sword. We have only had to do this twice. Not easy but has to be done. We always say todays bad experience is tomorrows funny story, keep it all positive. On the whole this lifestyle is amazing with the most amazing people |
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