FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > dating is not swinging or is it ?
dating is not swinging or is it ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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is the dating and relationship seeking side of things ruining the swinging side of thing on fab ... was having this discussion in a club with another couple and some singles that brought it up and it got heated quite quick.
our view is the same as in most things on this site live and let live whats your view but lets not turn it into a slanging match just a good honest view
 
and by the way the talk in the club it was just one woman who was saying dating and swinging go together the rest disagreed bar us up sat on the fence  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the problem is that when two single swingers meet , they tend to couple up fast and try to swing as a couple without any foundation...
Being a monogamous couple is hard enough, throw swinging into the equation and it becomes a nightmare....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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IMHO swinging isn't the best way for two individuals to build trust together and have their privacy in building up their relationship Bass and intimacy. Too many things could possibly go wrong.
You're right to an extent that for such things just live and let live, but it only gets to properly apply until something happens to the unfortunate couple in question and they split up, with the potential to ruin the fun for everyone else being inavbertedlt dragged into their drama. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think the problem is that when two single swingers meet , they tend to couple up fast and try to swing as a couple without any foundation...
Being a monogamous couple is hard enough, throw swinging into the equation and it becomes a nightmare....
"
very good point ...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"IMHO swinging isn't the best way for two individuals to build trust together and have their privacy in building up their relationship Bass and intimacy. Too many things could possibly go wrong.
You're right to an extent that for such things just live and let live, but it only gets to properly apply until something happens to the unfortunate couple in question and they split up, with the potential to ruin the fun for everyone else being inavbertedlt dragged into their drama. "
this was the point most were making |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging isn't dating. Or vice versa.
Perhaps because it is more accessible than it ever used to be, the social side is much more prevalent than it was. More people seem to want to be wined and dined, rather than a drink or coffee as a social. I guess if two people that think the same then that's ok, but to me that is more like dating and less like swinging. There are plenty of dating sites. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Has a couple, we only see swinging for sex and not to form any long term relationships..you do see a lot of single profiles set out with a lot of obstacles, for what they are looking for..more like a dating site then a meeting for just sex site..but everyone works it to their own advantages and preferences..we do not go to socials and the like, we go to the pub with our none swinging friends for that..but if folk do find love from swinging that's great too..put personally, we think swinging and date swinging should not be mixed.. |
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Single guys think fab is tinder. Single women seem to think they want to swing, when actually what they want is a 'friends with benefits' who stays monogamous with them, lives with them, doesn't look at other women and loves them! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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While it may seem like a good idea i have seen many singles couple up from several sites and quickly swing as a couple only to fall apart not too long after. Some have worked out though, it really depends on how the individuals get on like in any relationship.
I can't really blame them for finding a connection and wanting to give it a go, i certainly wouldn't mind swinging as a couple but whether i find that person on here or elsewhere is something i await to occur |
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It's an interesting debate. We had actually only been together for 3-4 months before we chatted about having wanted to get into the scene for a while, so we threw ourselves into it.
Admittedly we'd built a lot of trust already AND were super open and spoke about everything (as it happened and after) so it never soured our relationship.
So inadvertently (a year since starting) it's only made our 'dating' that much better! |
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"Single guys think fab is tinder. Single women seem to think they want to swing, when actually what they want is a 'friends with benefits' who stays monogamous with them, lives with them, doesn't look at other women and loves them! "
This is why I get anal about definitions on here. Swingers are a minority species on fab. What the average single women on here refers to as swinging, is just casual sex. |
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The actual word swingers should be reserved for established couples who are in a stable relationship having casual sex together with other people and and by established i would define that as friends and family looking at their relationship from the outside would describe them as a couple or partners.
Everyone else is just having casual sex with people (nothing at all wrong with that ) but this is no different at all to 18 to 20 years olds to going to Magaluf on holiday and shagging different people on different nights yet we wouldn’t describe them as swingers . |
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"Single guys think fab is tinder. Single women seem to think they want to swing, when actually what they want is a 'friends with benefits' who stays monogamous with them, lives with them, doesn't look at other women and loves them!
This is why I get anal about definitions on here. Swingers are a minority species on fab. What the average single women on here refers to as swinging, is just casual sex. "
Quite, fab is a pick up site for singles. And a place for swingers to keep in touch with people they've met in clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think people are too quick to try and label and compartmentalise things I guess they do this to try and make seance as to what is what aka knife, fork, spoon are all cutlery but relationships are more complex than that some are intimate some are casual some are non committal and so on people should just take it for what it is and stop trying to label everything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The actual word swingers should be reserved for established couples who are in a stable relationship having casual sex together with other people and and by established i would define that as friends and family looking at their relationship from the outside would describe them as a couple or partners.
Everyone else is just having casual sex with people (nothing at all wrong with that ) but this is no different at all to 18 to 20 years olds to going to Magaluf on holiday and shagging different people on different nights yet we wouldn’t describe them as swingers ."
This is how I've always viewed it! I'm single therefore not a swinger by definition but came here to find what I was looking for outside of conventional dating plus the odd party and club visit. I'm lucky enough to have found it so very happy  |
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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
Well swinging and dating....theres a tricky one.
I love the social side it makes the meets much more enjoyable. Being wined and dined is nice but I'm more than happy to have a chat and a cuppa.
I don't class it as a date its just consenting adults meeting up seeing if they get on ...attraction/spark. Then taking it from there. Singles who get on very well sometimes couple up but this doesnt necessarily mean they are "a couple" or are "dating"(I've done this before).
This is just my humble opinion.
Thingy
Xx |
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"The actual word swingers should be reserved for established couples who are in a stable relationship having casual sex together with other people and and by established i would define that as friends and family looking at their relationship from the outside would describe them as a couple or partners.
Everyone else is just having casual sex with people (nothing at all wrong with that ) but this is no different at all to 18 to 20 years olds to going to Magaluf on holiday and shagging different people on different nights yet we wouldn’t describe them as swingers .
This is how I've always viewed it! I'm single therefore not a swinger by definition but came here to find what I was looking for outside of conventional dating plus the odd party and club visit. I'm lucky enough to have found it so very happy "
Dungarees, awesome boobs and Cornish! You just won fab! |
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"The actual word swingers should be reserved for established couples who are in a stable relationship having casual sex together with other people and and by established i would define that as friends and family looking at their relationship from the outside would describe them as a couple or partners.
Everyone else is just having casual sex with people (nothing at all wrong with that ) but this is no different at all to 18 to 20 years olds to going to Magaluf on holiday and shagging different people on different nights yet we wouldn’t describe them as swingers .
This is how I've always viewed it! I'm single therefore not a swinger by definition but came here to find what I was looking for outside of conventional dating plus the odd party and club visit. I'm lucky enough to have found it so very happy "
I wouldn't go as far as "by definition". But most the singles on fab are not swingers. A lot of them on the forums are very anti-swinging. They highlight themselves well with ridiclious false dicohtomy threads like "would you give up swinging for love". |
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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"is the dating and relationship seeking side of things ruining the swinging side of thing on fab ... was having this discussion in a club with another couple and some singles that brought it up and it got heated quite quick.
our view is the same as in most things on this site live and let live whats your view but lets not turn it into a slanging match just a good honest view
and by the way the talk in the club it was just one woman who was saying dating and swinging go together the rest disagreed bar us up sat on the fence "
I tend to disagree with swinging and dating go together. I don't call going for a coffee and chat to see how things go a date its a social meet simple as...it determines whether you want to take things further or not pretty simple really. I have made lots of FWBs and friends on here who I go to clubs etc with but we don't always play. |
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Of course singles aren’t swingers , but they can certainly enhance a swingers sex life !
If a group of singles were sat in a bar and one came out and said “ I’m a swinger “ , the rest of the group would ask how that’s possible as he or she isn’t in a relationship .
I think the big issue as we see it in our eight years of swinging is that single women seem to be looking for a relationship more so than single guys . Which is no bad thing until you realise that the majority are also looking for exclusivity in that relationship . This is as far from being swinging as you can get , but there we are . The amount of shit we have seen over the years when a single female swinger hooks up with a single swinger guy , leads us to make this observation . Of course there are exceptions , and I know there are a few regulars in the forums who developed relationships from meeting on here . Although some became exclusive
We certainly may not be swingers either mind you , as we see it as simple nsa sex with other like minded people . We have never seen the attraction of the social side . |
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"Of course singles aren’t swingers , but they can certainly enhance a swingers sex life !
If a group of singles were sat in a bar and one came out and said “ I’m a swinger “ , the rest of the group would ask how that’s possible as he or she isn’t in a relationship .
I think the big issue as we see it in our eight years of swinging is that single women seem to be looking for a relationship more so than single guys . Which is no bad thing until you realise that the majority are also looking for exclusivity in that relationship . This is as far from being swinging as you can get , but there we are . The amount of shit we have seen over the years when a single female swinger hooks up with a single swinger guy , leads us to make this observation . Of course there are exceptions , and I know there are a few regulars in the forums who developed relationships from meeting on here . Although some became exclusive
We certainly may not be swingers either mind you , as we see it as simple nsa sex with other like minded people . We have never seen the attraction of the social side ."
Get back in your box! You're swingers because you are ethically (non deceptively) non-mongamous (have sexy time with other people). There's no requirement to wine and dine them. Now, not meaning to sound morbid but if one of you died today, I don't think it's accurate to say that the other ceases to be a swinger because they have instantly become single. So technically, a single could be a swinger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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New to the swinging scene together 14 years so swinging for us is definitely not the same as dating
"is the dating and relationship seeking side of things ruining the swinging side of thing on fab ... was having this discussion in a club with another couple and some singles that brought it up and it got heated quite quick.
our view is the same as in most things on this site live and let live whats your view but lets not turn it into a slanging match just a good honest view
and by the way the talk in the club it was just one woman who was saying dating and swinging go together the rest disagreed bar us up sat on the fence "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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some very interesting views and can see both sides to be honest when we started 20 yrs ago single women were far and few it was mainly couples and single men ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll read the thread later when I've got a mo. But just wanted to say that I'm adult enough to mix the two. Though I'm ultimately looking for love, I'd quite happily meet a married woman or couple and either have some kinky hijinks or something more passionate and connecting. I'd just approach the whole thing with a deep respect for the relationship they have and know when to draw the line or call it quits. The only difference with a single woman is that if I got relationship vibes off her I wouldn't draw the line. I'd just carry on falling into her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Of course singles aren’t swingers , but they can certainly enhance a swingers sex life !
If a group of singles were sat in a bar and one came out and said “ I’m a swinger “ , the rest of the group would ask how that’s possible as he or she isn’t in a relationship .
I think the big issue as we see it in our eight years of swinging is that single women seem to be looking for a relationship more so than single guys . Which is no bad thing until you realise that the majority are also looking for exclusivity in that relationship . This is as far from being swinging as you can get , but there we are . The amount of shit we have seen over the years when a single female swinger hooks up with a single swinger guy , leads us to make this observation . Of course there are exceptions , and I know there are a few regulars in the forums who developed relationships from meeting on here . Although some became exclusive
We certainly may not be swingers either mind you , as we see it as simple nsa sex with other like minded people . We have never seen the attraction of the social side .
Get back in your box! You're swingers because you are ethically (non deceptively) non-mongamous (have sexy time with other people). There's no requirement to wine and dine them. Now, not meaning to sound morbid but if one of you died today, I don't think it's accurate to say that the other ceases to be a swinger because they have instantly become single. So technically, a single could be a swinger. "
I agree with this. It's something that's inside the person. Their current relationship status is irrelevant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The actual word swingers should be reserved for established couples who are in a stable relationship having casual sex together with other people and and by established i would define that as friends and family looking at their relationship from the outside would describe them as a couple or partners.
Everyone else is just having casual sex with people (nothing at all wrong with that ) but this is no different at all to 18 to 20 years olds to going to Magaluf on holiday and shagging different people on different nights yet we wouldn’t describe them as swingers .
This is how I've always viewed it! I'm single therefore not a swinger by definition but came here to find what I was looking for outside of conventional dating plus the odd party and club visit. I'm lucky enough to have found it so very happy
Dungarees, awesome boobs and Cornish! You just won fab! "
So sorry to disappoint but I'm not Cornish just been my base for 30 years!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'll read the thread later when I've got a mo. But just wanted to say that I'm adult enough to mix the two. Though I'm ultimately looking for love, I'd quite happily meet a married woman or couple and either have some kinky hijinks or something more passionate and connecting. I'd just approach the whole thing with a deep respect for the relationship they have and know when to draw the line or call it quits. The only difference with a single woman is that if I got relationship vibes off her I wouldn't draw the line. I'd just carry on falling into her "
on my single profile and this profile i avoid guys who are looking for love and or relationships i just dont see the point in me meeting them alaway thought that way to me/us swing must be of a sexual nature only fun and sex ..but as said people should us fab as they wish i do think one day there will be a breakaway from this site from the many that feel there's to much emotional stuff on here the thing is most people cant control there emotions even tho its spelt out to them right from the begining  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll read the thread later when I've got a mo. But just wanted to say that I'm adult enough to mix the two. Though I'm ultimately looking for love, I'd quite happily meet a married woman or couple and either have some kinky hijinks or something more passionate and connecting. I'd just approach the whole thing with a deep respect for the relationship they have and know when to draw the line or call it quits. The only difference with a single woman is that if I got relationship vibes off her I wouldn't draw the line. I'd just carry on falling into her
on my single profile and this profile i avoid guys who are looking for love and or relationships i just dont see the point in me meeting them alaway thought that way to me/us swing must be of a sexual nature only fun and sex ..but as said people should us fab as they wish i do think one day there will be a breakaway from this site from the many that feel there's to much emotional stuff on here the thing is most people cant control there emotions even tho its spelt out to them right from the begining "
You, and others like you, have nothing to fear from me. I'm a responsible adult. I've swung before. I know how to deal with myself and I enter every exchange on this site with my eyes open.
If you're worried about me falling in love with you that's your problem, not mine. Even if I did I wouldn't bring any drama to the situation. I'd just let you know I need a breather and take a break or move on.
Similarly, if you worry about being a red herring (that I'm only looking for love and you'd only be getting in the way of that) then that's also your baggage.
When I message a married woman or couple I know exactly the kind of misadventure I'm getting involved in. I'm a big boy. I can make my own choices and deal with everything with maturity
The whole looking for love thing is only ever in the back of my mind, not the front. As such, I don't swing in the pursuit of love. That would be mischievous. I swing. And if love comes along. And it seems appropriate. I let things go to wherever they want to go. If it doesn't seem appropriate I don't |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" If you're worried about me falling in love with you "
see thats not my worry i know who i am and what i want .. i just dont want hassel from others that can be avoided right from the begining you maybe able to control your self granted but many many on here cant so hence my choice not to meet them |
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" If you're worried about me falling in love with you
see thats not my worry i know who i am and what i want .. i just dont want hassel from others that can be avoided right from the begining you maybe able to control your self granted but many many on here cant so hence my choice not to meet them"
Yes, I can see that. It's supposed to be fun and not hassle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" If you're worried about me falling in love with you
see thats not my worry i know who i am and what i want .. i just dont want hassel from others that can be avoided right from the begining you maybe able to control your self granted but many many on here cant so hence my choice not to meet them"
No worries. I wasn't looking to defend all Fab romantics... just clear up for any married women or couples interested in me where I stand on it. I'm more than happy to offer all the intensity of a steamy affair without any of the drama |
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Seems to me this site is aimed a the wider aspects of swinging as well as hooking up. So why can't be dating be part of the swinging scene? Same as for example a Christian lifestyle site may have it's own dating section. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
I haven’t read everyone’s answer.
This is my own experience.
I am here as a single woman. I’m here for many reasons and I don’t care how I am labelled by others.
I have dates and I form connections with the people I meet and sometimes I have sex and sometimes I don’t, sometimes other people are involved and sometimes they’re not.
I’m not sexually possessive with the people I see and I love to hear their stories.
If someone wants to tell me I’m doing it wrong.... well I don’t really care.
V x |
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