FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Is swinging a form of self harm?

Is swinging a form of self harm?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I have been talking to someone that used to be on here but is no longer. He has felt the need to express his concerns over my welfare and has said that he thinks my swinging is a form of self harm.

I clearly think this is a load of bollocks but I was interested in other people's views.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn’t say self harm, but it can be very negative for some people. My ex fuck buddy was swinging for all the wrong reasons, and has now started seeing a therapist (after a few nudges in that direction) and has stopped swinging for the sake of his own mental health. Sleeping with me, (a married woman) and many others was damaging to him

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"I have been talking to someone that used to be on here but is no longer. He has felt the need to express his concerns over my welfare and has said that he thinks my swinging is a form of self harm.

I clearly think this is a load of bollocks but I was interested in other people's views."

The important thing is what you think to it. Sounds like he is trying to put you off the lifestyle.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some use it as an escape as they don’t want to face up to whatever issue is going on!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I wouldn’t say self harm, but it can be very negative for some people. My ex fuck buddy was swinging for all the wrong reasons, and has now started seeing a therapist (after a few nudges in that direction) and has stopped swinging for the sake of his own mental health. Sleeping with me, (a married woman) and many others was damaging to him "

I'm sorry to hear that and I hope he gets better soon.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I cant see why he would think that? Far more dangerous meeting privately. Guys in clubs.. i'm told (only been to one) respect boudaries.

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By *ooty4daysWoman over a year ago

bristol

Okay the majority of this site will say no

However... being sexually promiscuous is seen as a form of self harm by some health professionals... even tattoos are on the list

I'm pretty sure the majority on here aren't on here for anything other than fun I know I am

However the term when used professionally is more to do when people go in self destruct mode..have sex with strangers..not remember it the next day and so on .....

For your friend to say that is unfair .. xx

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By *eakcoupleCouple over a year ago

peak district

Sounds like he's being judgmental. Sex is one of nature's great gifts, so enjoy swinging as much as you want but stop if its becoming an obsession.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have been talking to someone that used to be on here but is no longer. He has felt the need to express his concerns over my welfare and has said that he thinks my swinging is a form of self harm.

I clearly think this is a load of bollocks but I was interested in other people's views.

The important thing is what you think to it. Sounds like he is trying to put you off the lifestyle....."

I don't really know what to think. To be honest I am pretty annoyed that he thinks that. For me swinging allows me to explore parts of my sexuality that I couldn't otherwise explore. I don't think that this means that I am harming myself in any way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think if you’re neglecting your responsibilities it can be harmful......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the wrong reasons?

I think swinging is liberating if you see and understand it for it's true face value. Everyone has there own personal desires and as long as it's not causing harm to others why not?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Perhaps. I read an article on things that are self harm which you wouldn't think are self harm a couple of weeks ago, excessive promiscuity and putting yourself in risky situations were both in that list.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It can be in certain cases.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Funny it's something I've heard mentioned and in some people I agree.

I know I've used the "I don't care " attitude in the past and to be fair I would say it could be argued it was in a way self destructive.

Mostly I would say no it's rubbish. But in all my years of doing so I have spoken to many people that have had me questioning there reasons.

It's like now ..I'm hurting and in a bad place. Previously I would have jumped straight in and done gb after gb and taken risks I would not have normally done . Like meeting without my back up or meeting outside without letting anyone know.

This time I'm just here for the social aspect

So yes I do think that sometimes people use sex as a form of self harm

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The only answer is both yes & no. It all depends on your mentality and attitude. Anything can be harmful if its abused. Moderation is the key.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For a single male, quite probably

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I cant see why he would think that? Far more dangerous meeting privately. Guys in clubs.. i'm told (only been to one) respect boudaries. "

That's exactly my point! In my opinion it is far more risky to meet someone on a night out when you're d*unk and boundaries etc haven't been discussed than it is to meet someone that knows what you want.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Escaping from something ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Funny it's something I've heard mentioned and in some people I agree.

I know I've used the "I don't care " attitude in the past and to be fair I would say it could be argued it was in a way self destructive.

Mostly I would say no it's rubbish. But in all my years of doing so I have spoken to many people that have had me questioning there reasons.

This time I'm just here for the social aspect

So yes I do think that sometimes people use sex as a form of self harm "

Yes there are the people that you meet that really worry you. I also think that if you are quite vulnerable then a site like this is probably not the best place to be as often people can forget that there is a human on the other end of the conversation.

But for every one of those, I think there must be at least another 5 people that are here and are secure in their reasons for being here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Escaping from something ?"

Me personally? No I wouldn't say so. I find swinging very liberating and although the amount of meets I have can seem a little excessive at times, I only really play for a few weeks each year. I think I am quite fortunate in that I can dip in and out of the lifestyle quite easily.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Escaping from something ?

As long as you are happy in your own life and you feel no negative impact then whos to criticize, answer no one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Id say its harming when someone will have sex with just about anyone. Lacking self worth, willing to let people use and abuse them.

If they enjoy degradation and aroused from it so be it.

But for the others who think this is the only way to get a fuck and may as well let them do what they like then they need to rethink.

I personally believe that anyone who thinks hey lets fuck and not having any connection or attraction to a person, a just because scenario have to have a good think as to why they are doing it.

Especially all those who bareback strangers. Why are they willing to take the risk with their life. Their lack of self worth or the couldnt careless? Either way its self harm on any account to not practise safe sex with strangers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Perhaps he's projecting on to you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Perhaps he's projecting on to you? "

That could be it. I hadn't thought of that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Perhaps he's projecting on to you?

That could be it. I hadn't thought of that."

It's still a shitty thing to do, mind

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Id say its harming when someone will have sex with just about anyone. Lacking self worth, willing to let people use and abuse them.

If they enjoy degradation and aroused from it so be it.

But for the others who think this is the only way to get a fuck and may as well let them do what they like then they need to rethink.

I personally believe that anyone who thinks hey lets fuck and not having any connection or attraction to a person, a just because scenario have to have a good think as to why they are doing it.

"
see id disagree about the connection/ attraction bit. As one of my personal pleasures is gb while blindfolded. But I wouldn't do it without someone vetting and watching the guys to make sure they were sticking to my rules. The experience is my connection and attraction but as I've taken care not to be at risk.. I dont feel it's anything other than my pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Being promiscuous is a known symptom of some mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, mood disorders etc

So i have thought the same thing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like the therapist talking.

I’m not too sure if it’s a degree of self harm but it can be soul destroying and destructive for some.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sounds like the therapist talking.

I’m not too sure if it’s a degree of self harm but it can be soul destroying and destructive for some."

Not a therapist talking! Just someone who likes to interfere

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Id say its harming when someone will have sex with just about anyone. Lacking self worth, willing to let people use and abuse them.

If they enjoy degradation and aroused from it so be it.

But for the others who think this is the only way to get a fuck and may as well let them do what they like then they need to rethink.

I personally believe that anyone who thinks hey lets fuck and not having any connection or attraction to a person, a just because scenario have to have a good think as to why they are doing it.

see id disagree about the connection/ attraction bit. As one of my personal pleasures is gb while blindfolded. But I wouldn't do it without someone vetting and watching the guys to make sure they were sticking to my rules. The experience is my connection and attraction but as I've taken care not to be at risk.. I dont feel it's anything other than my pleasure. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Others are entitled to there opinion and that’s what it is no need to force there opinions on others balls to them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Perhaps. I read an article on things that are self harm which you wouldn't think are self harm a couple of weeks ago, excessive promiscuity and putting yourself in risky situations were both in that list. "

I also read about bipolar disorder and says on of the signs is excessive promiscuity and try different sexual stuff ! So maybe !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Id say its harming when someone will have sex with just about anyone. Lacking self worth, willing to let people use and abuse them.

If they enjoy degradation and aroused from it so be it.

But for the others who think this is the only way to get a fuck and may as well let them do what they like then they need to rethink.

I personally believe that anyone who thinks hey lets fuck and not having any connection or attraction to a person, a just because scenario have to have a good think as to why they are doing it.

I could have written this and this is the exact scenario that the whole conversation has stemmed from! I had a friend that I trust implicitly there to vet the men and make sure that I was safe but apparently now I am unhinged! I just feel that he is trying to shame me for exploring a fantasy of mine, perhaps because he doesn't understand it."
Oh people rarely understand a sexual desire with people you won't have even seen. Yet I have to say it was one of the most erotic experiences of my life x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Id say its harming when someone will have sex with just about anyone. Lacking self worth, willing to let people use and abuse them.

If they enjoy degradation and aroused from it so be it.

But for the others who think this is the only way to get a fuck and may as well let them do what they like then they need to rethink.

I personally believe that anyone who thinks hey lets fuck and not having any connection or attraction to a person, a just because scenario have to have a good think as to why they are doing it.

Or just jealous

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I also read about bipolar disorder and says on of the signs is excessive promiscuity and try different sexual stuff ! So maybe ! "

It could be but surely if someone was suffering with bipolar disorder this would not be the only symptom?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Id say its harming when someone will have sex with just about anyone. Lacking self worth, willing to let people use and abuse them.

If they enjoy degradation and aroused from it so be it.

But for the others who think this is the only way to get a fuck and may as well let them do what they like then they need to rethink.

I personally believe that anyone who thinks hey lets fuck and not having any connection or attraction to a person, a just because scenario have to have a good think as to why they are doing it.

Your trusting someone else to vet men for you. Im assuming age and other attributes of desirability so you are not fucking people willy nilly. Youve made choices as to whom would fuck you even if remotely via another person.

What im saying is your not spreading your legs and letting every tom dick and harry fuck you.

There are women and men who do this, being nothing more than a hole or a piece of meat.

Have your standards and stick to them, let it be your choice and your desires to enjoy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sounds like the therapist talking.

I’m not too sure if it’s a degree of self harm but it can be soul destroying and destructive for some.

Not a therapist talking! Just someone who likes to interfere

Well it’s hard to know what his actual motive is with just one side of the story.

Have you been in a relationship with him, maybe he’s into you and doesn’t like seeing you go down this path....?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Id say its harming when someone will have sex with just about anyone. Lacking self worth, willing to let people use and abuse them.

If they enjoy degradation and aroused from it so be it.

But for the others who think this is the only way to get a fuck and may as well let them do what they like then they need to rethink.

I personally believe that anyone who thinks hey lets fuck and not having any connection or attraction to a person, a just because scenario have to have a good think as to why they are doing it.

I could have written this and this is the exact scenario that the whole conversation has stemmed from! I had a friend that I trust implicitly there to vet the men and make sure that I was safe but apparently now I am unhinged! I just feel that he is trying to shame me for exploring a fantasy of mine, perhaps because he doesn't understand it. Oh people rarely understand a sexual desire with people you won't have even seen. Yet I have to say it was one of the most erotic experiences of my life x"

I understand the fantasy and desire. But there is a difference of being blindfolded and worshipped or to be used as a hole for them to orgasm and thats it.

If someone truly desires to be a free whore and a fuck toy and not receive their pleasures so be it.

As young girls growing up we learn that when a man cums its game over. Too many women never experience an orgasm in their life let alone every sexual encounter.

Im all for liberating female sexual desires.

Sick of men who fuck around are studs yet women who like to fuck are sluts.

Everyone is entitled to sexual freedom. But to be used and treated like a sex toy or a piece of meat, no!

To be treated with disrespect for enjoying something is wrong also.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sounds like the therapist talking.

I’m not too sure if it’s a degree of self harm but it can be soul destroying and destructive for some.

Not a therapist talking! Just someone who likes to interfere

Well it’s hard to know what his actual motive is with just one side of the story.

Have you been in a relationship with him, maybe he’s into you and doesn’t like seeing you go down this path....?"

Tell him to join again and send you a message to see if you’d like to meet him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jesus fuck. You are amazing, in every way. Phwar

Sorry just got a bit over excited there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What im saying is your not spreading your legs and letting every tom dick and harry fuck you.

There are women and men who do this, being nothing more than a hole or a piece of meat.

Have your standards and stick to them, let it be your choice and your desires to enjoy.

And I know many of these ladies that don't seem to care... And people don't understand the joy they get and judge it as no standards. I've played where to a causal observer it may seem that I'm not picky...

You will find in these situations that the women often are very aware of what they are doing. The thrill of taking all...to these women is what they chase.... What they desire. So they aren't meat or a hole it's them that is chasing what they want.

Some also get off on the notorious nature.. And the shock of others. There are exceptions obviously and normally the ones pushed into it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I understand the fantasy and desire. But there is a difference of being blindfolded and worshipped or to be used as a hole for them to orgasm and thats it.

If someone truly desires to be a free whore and a fuck toy and not receive their pleasures so be it.

As young girls growing up we learn that when a man cums its game over. Too many women never experience an orgasm in their life let alone every sexual encounter.

Im all for liberating female sexual desires.

Sick of men who fuck around are studs yet women who like to fuck are sluts.

Everyone is entitled to sexual freedom. But to be used and treated like a sex toy or a piece of meat, no!

To be treated with disrespect for enjoying something is wrong also.

"
but your not understanding that the pleasure is in the act. My most erotic experiences are when the guys have barely touched me. It's not disrespectful. Nor is it being treated like a piece of meat. As actually it's very empowering.. oh I'm aware that some of the darling men think they are using me for their pleasures. But they aren't. They are doing exactly what I want and once they have cum my attention is gone. If anything I guess many greedy girls use the guys.

I don't meet for an orgasm. I meet for the sheer pleasure I get. Although I have been known to orgasm from playing like that.

Not sure if now I've had intimacy in my private life that I may crave that but for me that take a something special a trust and bond nothing casual can give me.

I know when I played as a gg many worried about the why. But the only time I don't do it is times like now. When my confidence is shot and I'm feeling bad... Because I would gain no pleasure and it would purely be for show. And that would be damaging.

Sorry it may not be making the point I want to but what I am saying is don't assume the girl in the middle of a group of men is being used or treated as meat just because it's less intimate. I don't like to kiss.. have oral and even often say don't touch . Because that for me is what I like. Sometimes I will want something different but the point is. I get off on that..

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By *itty9899Man over a year ago

Craggy Island

"I have been talking to someone that used to be on here but is no longer. He has felt the need to express his concerns over my welfare and has said that he thinks my swinging is a form of self harm.

I clearly think this is a load of bollocks but I was interested in other people's views."

Maybe it can be for some people, but as long as you the individual know it right for you then it's ok

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some use it as an escape as they don’t want to face up to whatever issue is going on!"

this. Not everyone but a few. Read the forums and you'll find many broken individuals looming for something whilst here?

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By *etLikeMan over a year ago

most fundamental aspects

You need to be self aware, mindful, in touch whatever you would want to call it.

A therapist would never disapprove or make judgments about swinging. What they would want to know, is why you do it and what you get out of it. If those are positive, it’s like any other indulgence.

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By *inful xWoman over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

It can be if you overthink things. Except that some things you'll never have an answer for and move on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been talking to someone that used to be on here but is no longer. He has felt the need to express his concerns over my welfare and has said that he thinks my swinging is a form of self harm.

I clearly think this is a load of bollocks but I was interested in other people's views."

There are, whether u choose to admit it or not, some very damaged and vulnerable people on here. To the point that I feel uncomfortable reading veris sometimes. In these cases it is definitely self harm. Others of course are in control and just having fun.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I also read about bipolar disorder and says on of the signs is excessive promiscuity and try different sexual stuff ! So maybe ! "

Yes exactly, as i said it is a symptom of many mental health conditions with ine being the manic stage if bi polar

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I think almost anything can be classed as self harm if the person doing it is using what they're doing to deliberately damage themselves. Continuously getting into abusive relationships, drinking excessively, massively over eating, massively undereating,having sex with strangers...the list goes on.

No idea why your friend said this to you. He might be projecting his feelings on to you, he might be genuinely concerned. I wouldn't want to infer his motive because I don't know either of you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In the same way that tattoos or piercings are, perhaps.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For a single male, quite probably "

Or single person

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hey inbox me baby won't let me as your profile has restrictions

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By *orthern soul 79Man over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Only if your winging on barbed wire .

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By *hubnwife_36dd_ukCouple over a year ago

chester

"I have been talking to someone that used to be on here but is no longer. He has felt the need to express his concerns over my welfare and has said that he thinks my swinging is a form of self harm.

I clearly think this is a load of bollocks but I was interested in other people's views."

Assuming you don't have any issues for which swinging has become a surrogate safety valve then you hit it right on with "load of bollocks". Who made your friend psychologist of the year?

The trouble is you can't move these days for the Americanisation of our way of life.

Whether it's "cod-psychology" or stuff churned out by "professionals" there is an endless stream, probably greatly increased by the outpourings of the quantities of each years batch of newly qualified "professionals. Aided and abetted by the qualified "amateurs" collecting certificates from commercial outfits allegedly making them experts on the human condition in all things.

A curse on all of them!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been talking to someone that used to be on here but is no longer. He has felt the need to express his concerns over my welfare and has said that he thinks my swinging is a form of self harm.

I clearly think this is a load of bollocks but I was interested in other people's views."

er...sounds like you're being played from a probably self-confessed armchair psychologist.one that feels lonely and makes stuff up.

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By *hubnwife_36dd_ukCouple over a year ago

chester

"Only if your winging on barbed wire . "

Wasn't that Steve McQueen in the Great Escape.

Altogether now: "bah bum bah bah bah bah bum, bah bum bah bah bah bah bum bah bah bah bah bah bah bum"

Now get the tune out of your head!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have been talking to someone that used to be on here but is no longer. He has felt the need to express his concerns over my welfare and has said that he thinks my swinging is a form of self harm.

I clearly think this is a load of bollocks but I was interested in other people's views.

Assuming you don't have any issues for which swinging has become a surrogate safety valve then you hit it right on with "load of bollocks". Who made your friend psychologist of the year?

The trouble is you can't move these days for the Americanisation of our way of life.

A curse on all of them!"

Thank you, this has made me feel much better

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think he's trying to be your knight in shining armour.

We have talked to single guys before with the same mindset and some of them actually think, I'm forced into it and ..."if they were with me, I wouldn't have to do it".

I think people with that mind set obviously don't understand the concept of swinging and shouldn't be partaking.

Xx Mrs Badcherry xX

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