FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > How to select the good guys?
How to select the good guys?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Apologies if this sounds like whinging. It’s not, just musing.
I’m single, and like many women, looking for the sane, straightforward, sexy guys for repeat meets BUT how to identify them?
I have two nights a week to play generally. I plan in advance and set dates with people well ahead and I have safety filters. But this can make the fab chat, phone call, social meet then play malarkey into a VERY prolonged ‘interview’ process, the winners being the erudite guys with a good chat game. I don’t think it’s great for the guys in the ‘process’, it makes me feel like I’m coming across as deliberate difficult and a bit up my own arse, when actually my availability is the issue. Blocking single men for periods keeps things manageable, but it still seems a heavy weight process for something that should be light-hearted and fun.
Any (constructive) thoughts? More clubs and socials? How do you identify those you wish to meet? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Purely clubs for us...turn up and see whose there....much shorter "interview" process and can lead to long lasting friendships."
I’m starting to think this is the way to go.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just chat to them over messages, you’ll know within a few messages if they are decent enough for you x"
And the four weeks after that until I can meet?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I check the car they drive You slag 
I know hydrate and thanks to you I just remember that I need to drink water
#hydrateyourself
#drinkwater"
haha good man  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just chat to them over messages, you’ll know within a few messages if they are decent enough for you x
And the four weeks after that until I can meet??"
If they are really really interested in meeting you they will wait. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Apologies if this sounds like whinging. It’s not, just musing.
I’m single, and like many women, looking for the sane, straightforward, sexy guys for repeat meets BUT how to identify them?
I have two nights a week to play generally. I plan in advance and set dates with people well ahead and I have safety filters. But this can make the fab chat, phone call, social meet then play malarkey into a VERY prolonged ‘interview’ process, the winners being the erudite guys with a good chat game. I don’t think it’s great for the guys in the ‘process’, it makes me feel like I’m coming across as deliberate difficult and a bit up my own arse, when actually my availability is the issue. Blocking single men for periods keeps things manageable, but it still seems a heavy weight process for something that should be light-hearted and fun.
Any (constructive) thoughts? More clubs and socials? How do you identify those you wish to meet?"
Can’t speak for everyone as I don’t tend to look at guys profiles but look for the ones that have a bit more info than fancy a fuck? There’s nothing wrong with having chats and socials before anything else happens.
I think if a guy is really interested and it is an erudite guy you are looking for then he won’t see it as you being difficult as he may well see how difficult it can be for women to find a good egg on here . We’ve all got our own lives outside of fab and spare time can sometimes be a bit scarce.
Sadly I don’t think there is a way to identify them without going through the whole “process” sometimes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talking from the other side of the fence, I don’t envy you ladies the admin you need to go through! If people didn’t fancy me or my profile, I’d rather be blocked than that ‘message read’ status hanging there forever.
I’m lucky that almost all the people I meet I then see again which just makes everything more relaxed and enjoyable. But you’ve no way of knowing that. I’m surprised there’s not more networking between women and couples. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just chat to them over messages, you’ll know within a few messages if they are decent enough for you x
And the four weeks after that until I can meet??
If they are really really interested in meeting you they will wait. "
This |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Can’t speak for everyone as I don’t tend to look at guys profiles but look for the ones that have a bit more info than fancy a fuck? There’s nothing wrong with having chats and socials before anything else happens.
I think if a guy is really interested and it is an erudite guy you are looking for then he won’t see it as you being difficult as he may well see how difficult it can be for women to find a good egg on here . We’ve all got our own lives outside of fab and spare time can sometimes be a bit scarce.
Sadly I don’t think there is a way to identify them without going through the whole “process” sometimes "
Good to read that there is some understanding that I’m not just prolonging things to be awkward. |
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By *iger.10Man
over a year ago
Llantrisant |
"Just chat to them over messages, you’ll know within a few messages if they are decent enough for you x
And the four weeks after that until I can meet??
If they are really really interested in meeting you they will wait. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Can’t speak for everyone as I don’t tend to look at guys profiles but look for the ones that have a bit more info than fancy a fuck? There’s nothing wrong with having chats and socials before anything else happens.
I think if a guy is really interested and it is an erudite guy you are looking for then he won’t see it as you being difficult as he may well see how difficult it can be for women to find a good egg on here . We’ve all got our own lives outside of fab and spare time can sometimes be a bit scarce.
Sadly I don’t think there is a way to identify them without going through the whole “process” sometimes
Good to read that there is some understanding that I’m not just prolonging things to be awkward."
Just because this is a swingers site I don’t think people realise that not everybody is willing to sleep with anybody. To some of us there has to be a physical and mental attraction for anything to happen.
The ones worth it will wait |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just chat to them over messages, you’ll know within a few messages if they are decent enough for you x
And the four weeks after that until I can meet??
If they are really really interested in meeting you they will wait. "
This. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Can’t speak for everyone as I don’t tend to look at guys profiles but look for the ones that have a bit more info than fancy a fuck? There’s nothing wrong with having chats and socials before anything else happens.
I think if a guy is really interested and it is an erudite guy you are looking for then he won’t see it as you being difficult as he may well see how difficult it can be for women to find a good egg on here . We’ve all got our own lives outside of fab and spare time can sometimes be a bit scarce.
Sadly I don’t think there is a way to identify them without going through the whole “process” sometimes
Good to read that there is some understanding that I’m not just prolonging things to be awkward.
Just because this is a swingers site I don’t think people realise that not everybody is willing to sleep with anybody. To some of us there has to be a physical and mental attraction for anything to happen.
The ones worth it will wait "
This nail on the head |
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"Apologies if this sounds like whinging. It’s not, just musing.
I’m single, and like many women, looking for the sane, straightforward, sexy guys for repeat meets BUT how to identify them?
I have two nights a week to play generally. I plan in advance and set dates with people well ahead and I have safety filters. But this can make the fab chat, phone call, social meet then play malarkey into a VERY prolonged ‘interview’ process, the winners being the erudite guys with a good chat game. I don’t think it’s great for the guys in the ‘process’, it makes me feel like I’m coming across as deliberate difficult and a bit up my own arse, when actually my availability is the issue. Blocking single men for periods keeps things manageable, but it still seems a heavy weight process for something that should be light-hearted and fun.
Any (constructive) thoughts? More clubs and socials? How do you identify those you wish to meet?"
Simple solution. Invite me along to Pandora’s, we can walk in arm in arm and have a great chat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Can’t speak for everyone as I don’t tend to look at guys profiles but look for the ones that have a bit more info than fancy a fuck? There’s nothing wrong with having chats and socials before anything else happens.
I think if a guy is really interested and it is an erudite guy you are looking for then he won’t see it as you being difficult as he may well see how difficult it can be for women to find a good egg on here . We’ve all got our own lives outside of fab and spare time can sometimes be a bit scarce.
Sadly I don’t think there is a way to identify them without going through the whole “process” sometimes
Good to read that there is some understanding that I’m not just prolonging things to be awkward.
Just because this is a swingers site I don’t think people realise that not everybody is willing to sleep with anybody. To some of us there has to be a physical and mental attraction for anything to happen.
The ones worth it will wait
This nail on the head"
this. I prefer socials, events and clubs first. Go with your gut too. I’ve found that the SF verifications are helpful and talking to other SFs in the clubs - they don’t hold back on their opinions  |
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Op youve only been here 3 weeks. It can take an awfully long time to find the right guys. Some will come and some will go especially if your looking for single guys as people move on. Ive got a lovely selection of men but ive picked them up over the years. You might have to seek out and talk to a lot of guys before you get what you want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I spend ages chatting to potential meets before agreeing to meet. It feels nothing like an interview process so I'm not sure what on earth you're doing to make it feel like that. I can't meet anywhere near as often as you can either so I'm not sure where you're going so wrong! |
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By *rontmanMan
over a year ago
Derby and often London |
I’ve been chatting to an absolutely gorgeous lady! Due to circumstances we have to wait until mid August to meet! Admittedly I’m dying to see her sooner but I’m more than willing to wait!! And besides it gives lots of time to think of lots of naughty things to do once the meet happens  |
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"Apologies if this sounds like whinging. It’s not, just musing.
I’m single, and like many women, looking for the sane, straightforward, sexy guys for repeat meets BUT how to identify them?
I have two nights a week to play generally. I plan in advance and set dates with people well ahead and I have safety filters. But this can make the fab chat, phone call, social meet then play malarkey into a VERY prolonged ‘interview’ process, the winners being the erudite guys with a good chat game. I don’t think it’s great for the guys in the ‘process’, it makes me feel like I’m coming across as deliberate difficult and a bit up my own arse, when actually my availability is the issue. Blocking single men for periods keeps things manageable, but it still seems a heavy weight process for something that should be light-hearted and fun.
Any (constructive) thoughts? More clubs and socials? How do you identify those you wish to meet?"
Spend a lot of time getting to know somebody online before you meet them. By a lot of time I mean weeks or even months. That way you can out the weirdoes, axe murderers, guys looking for a one-off fuck, married guys pretending to be single, guys looking for another notch on the bedpost, idiots, guys who don't respect you, guys who think fabswingers is called I shag anybody who asks me, etc. |
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"Just chat to them over messages, you’ll know within a few messages if they are decent enough for you x
And the four weeks after that until I can meet??"
Carry on getting to know them online. You can see if they are prepared to wait to meet you. You can see if they are prepared to invest time getting to know you. You can see if they respect you.
Also if you spend time getting to know somebody online you avoid the awkward silences if you meet for real. Also you can use the time getting to talk about your sexual likes and dislikes. For example if you hate your toes being sucked tell him as you get to know him. It makes the meet go so much better if you both know your likes and dislikes.
If you spend time getting to know them you can out the ones who think email me when you are next free, I can't be arsed getting to know you. |
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"Just chat to them over messages, you’ll know within a few messages if they are decent enough for you x
And the four weeks after that until I can meet??
Carry on getting to know them online. You can see if they are prepared to wait to meet you. You can see if they are prepared to invest time getting to know you. You can see if they respect you.
Also if you spend time getting to know somebody online you avoid the awkward silences if you meet for real. Also you can use the time getting to talk about your sexual likes and dislikes. For example if you hate your toes being sucked tell him as you get to know him. It makes the meet go so much better if you both know your likes and dislikes.
If you spend time getting to know them you can out the ones who think email me when you are next free, I can't be arsed getting to know you. "
Agreed. Spot on. The time and care taken seems to be a good indicator of the level of respect you will receive as well as you get the bonus of finding someone on the same wavelength as you are. Not to mention the anticipation building as you continue to chat and look forward to your meet.  x Mrs Rudefun x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always have a first meet within 2 weeks of first chatting to them. If we can't arrange something within that time I stop chatting. Once we've met we know if we want to meet again (or not) so it doesn't matter how long it takes for the next meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Can’t speak for everyone as I don’t tend to look at guys profiles but look for the ones that have a bit more info than fancy a fuck? There’s nothing wrong with having chats and socials before anything else happens.
I think if a guy is really interested and it is an erudite guy you are looking for then he won’t see it as you being difficult as he may well see how difficult it can be for women to find a good egg on here . We’ve all got our own lives outside of fab and spare time can sometimes be a bit scarce.
Sadly I don’t think there is a way to identify them without going through the whole “process” sometimes
Good to read that there is some understanding that I’m not just prolonging things to be awkward.
Just because this is a swingers site I don’t think people realise that not everybody is willing to sleep with anybody. To some of us there has to be a physical and mental attraction for anything to happen.
The ones worth it will wait "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I chat to people for ages before I meet them. I find that this makes me feel more comfortable when the meet does happen. I've been blocked by some people who don't have the patience but I think that says more about them. I think it's about using fab how it works for you. Anyone worth meeting should understand about your availability. We all have lives offline. I've met some great people, usually more than once and have formed some real friendships which I didn't expect. My advice would be take your time and be open about your situation. Then the people you chat to can make an informed choice about whether they're prepared to wait or not. And if they're not, it's their loss, move on x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just chat to them over messages, you’ll know within a few messages if they are decent enough for you x
And the four weeks after that until I can meet??
If they are really really interested in meeting you they will wait.
This "
Its dragging 
|
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"Apologies if this sounds like whinging. It’s not, just musing.
I’m single, and like many women, looking for the sane, straightforward, sexy guys for repeat meets BUT how to identify them?
I have two nights a week to play generally. I plan in advance and set dates with people well ahead and I have safety filters. But this can make the fab chat, phone call, social meet then play malarkey into a VERY prolonged ‘interview’ process, the winners being the erudite guys with a good chat game. I don’t think it’s great for the guys in the ‘process’, it makes me feel like I’m coming across as deliberate difficult and a bit up my own arse, when actually my availability is the issue. Blocking single men for periods keeps things manageable, but it still seems a heavy weight process for something that should be light-hearted and fun.
Any (constructive) thoughts? More clubs and socials? How do you identify those you wish to meet?"
Sounds very similar to me. I've only got two days I'm free as well so usually i just go on my gut feeling i get from the chat they have given me, but like you i also feel like i am being coming across kinda defensive and not all that welcoming ..
My ideal message from a guy is probably one that just cuts straight to the point and puts all my fears to rest.
But to answer your question, I usually go on a combination of chat game, profile and then gut feeling etc ......most of my meets have been pretty good so i must be doing something right |
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How to select the good guy:
1) Log into your fabswingers account.
2) Click the search button in top right corner (mobile page only)
3) select name search
4) in the search bar type ‘Big Rig Hull’
Congratulations you have found a good guy |
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The Car doesn't always mean a lot. My recent cars are a Mercedes Coupe, a Volvo V50 D5, Citroen Berlingo and a Nissan 350z, I still own the Nissan and the Volvo. Make what you will of that mixture of fun and practicality. They all suited my needs at the time.
A car can be a pure toy like the Nissan, fun to drive but totally impractical, completely practical but boring like the Berlingo. The Volvo may have a reputation for being a Grandad car but it is as fast as most things on the road, comfortable and doesn't attract attention, sometimes that is what you want.
At other times the Nissan is a totally blatant monster but good fun and makes me smile.
The thing that makes the difference is who is behind the wheel, having said that certain cars do seem to attract stereotype drivers a lot of the time. |
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Matchmaking. The science of a match, at least on fabs is more complex than just "does this person look like they got good sex game. Does this woman have a vagina". It's not quite the law of the jungle although natural forces obviously play a role.
Some of the science I've observed (me & Mrs have met a lot of guys from our couple profile)
Most people usually have one good attribute, which they focus on to compensate for other qualities lacking. Guys are like trump cards. At the same time there's a small number of guys with a positive growth mindset which results in them putting more nurture into their mind & bodies (they'll be in shape, have a good job and good social skills. Keep in mind they will be busy work & relationship wise.)
- lots of pics of expensive cars/demomstrations of wealth (his game is in material aspects of a relationship/dating. Not the physically sexually impressing them. Request a dick & body pic with his name, or a live video call to make sure he's not hiding a small surprise). That said I know many single women use these sites as a sort of fuck + get relationship. For the married women it's more about the sex, than how to derive any economic value from the meet.
- many guy profiles (especially those that appear to make extreme claims - large dick/athletic/face) are actually fake, causing awkward meets where goods didn't match specification. So verify with video call.
- verifications tell you little about if the guy is good, beyond knowing he's not a serial killer. Its subjective, and biased. Verifications don't mean profile pics are not fake (people are too quick to give a verification after meeting someone they knew had fake pics).
- guys that only show clothed photos. Well I guess it's ok on a traditional dating site. But when the focus is on the bedroom you've got to ask what's his big surprise. Mystery and surprises are fun, but the probability of disappointment is far higher.
- married guys. Try messaging the couples to see if you can borrow their man for a night every few weeks. A good married man will be a 7 days/week guy. He'll have ample sexual energy and be super horny when his wife is on monthlies.
Our modern society makes things far more complicated. Sometimes it's easier to pick up a more attractive person than a less attractive. Many less attractive people may feel like you're too much for them, taking them for a ride, have a chip on their shoulder. Sure more attractive people may seem stuck up. They tend to have more sexual energy and thus available to meet more.
I'd say it's much easier to pick up a person from the streets, and you can instantly judge their physical capabilities & pick up social cues. You also have the advantage of being able to show you don't conform to negative stereotypes. |
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