FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Would you tell her
Would you tell her
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Been messaged by a few guys and one has sent a lot of pics and one of his face today. I recognize his as a friend's husband. Even though he has said in his profile he is single.. would you tell her or what. Got to say surprised he messed me as he is fit as. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No block him and mind yer own business. Maybe drop her a subtle hint that he’s a cheating cnut but let her find out for herself "
How do I let her know with out letting it out about me |
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"I would tell her only because if it was my husband and you were my friend I would hope you would tell me.  "
Yeah, If it was a close friend of mine I probably would say something or at least drop hints |
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"Is he verified? He might be no more than a time wasting fantasist, in which case no real harm done.
Has15 and lots of pics with different women"
If she’s a very close friend then yes, I think you should.
XX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been messaged by a few guys and one has sent a lot of pics and one of his face today. I recognize his as a friend's husband. Even though he has said in his profile he is single.. would you tell her or what. Got to say surprised he messed me as he is fit as."
their marriage their problem don't get involved  |
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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago
wherever |
Is she a good friend? Could you sit having a coffee and the chats with her and not tell her? I’m loyal to my friends. I’d tell any of them in a heartbeat if there fellas were cheating on them |
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By *igertigerCouple (MM)
over a year ago
nr Letterkenny |
"Been messaged by a few guys and one has sent a lot of pics and one of his face today. I recognize his as a friend's husband. Even though he has said in his profile he is single.. would you tell her or what. Got to say surprised he messed me as he is fit as."
you'll get no thanks stay out of it. |
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By *igertigerCouple (MM)
over a year ago
nr Letterkenny |
"Been messaged by a few guys and one has sent a lot of pics and one of his face today. I recognize his as a friend's husband. Even though he has said in his profile he is single.. would you tell her or what. Got to say surprised he messed me as he is fit as."
Is she's not a close enough friend to know you're on this site don't even entertain telling her what happens on fab should stay on fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is she a good friend? Could you sit having a coffee and the chats with her and not tell her? I’m loyal to my friends. I’d tell any of them in a heartbeat if there fellas were cheating on them "
This for me too.
You could send her an email with the link to his profile. Use an email address she doesn't know.
She may have her own profile on here too, you never know. |
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"No block him and mind yer own business. Maybe drop her a subtle hint that he’s a cheating cnut but let her find out for herself
How do I let her know with out letting it out about me"
Don't mean to pry, but are you single/on here with the knowledge of your partner? If so, then there is absolutely no issue of you being on here and your friend should accept that. But I think it depends how close she is to you, if you'd just stop and say hello in the street I'd leave it alone and block him. |
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By *oandjohnCouple
over a year ago
South Wales, will travel to Hereford, Worcestershire and Shropshire |
As the saying goes “They always shoot the messenger” .... block, move on and leave alone unless you want a dirty little secret of having a shag with him... |
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By *uicy72Woman
over a year ago
North Colchester |
"Been messaged by a few guys and one has sent a lot of pics and one of his face today. I recognize his as a friend's husband. Even though he has said in his profile he is single.. would you tell her or what. Got to say surprised he messed me as he is fit as."
Would you want to be told ???
If yes then yes I’d tell her
Similar situation with a bestie friend!
Her bloke hitting on me
Didn’t say anything as I didn’t want her to hurt or upset her
BUT
We were having a conversation today about this sort of thing
She said if a guy I was seeing did that you would have to tell me as I would want to know !!!
SO I did
She said if anything like that every happened again she’d like me to tell her straight away !
But if an awkward situation to be in!
No right or wrong way to deal with it tbh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wish someone had told me. I found out anyway.
And you wouldn't be splitting them up (as has been helpfully said). If she ends the relationship it's on him, not you.
Maybe she knows, although it's unlikely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish someone had told me. I found out anyway.
And you wouldn't be splitting them up (as has been helpfully said). If she ends the relationship it's on him, not you.
Maybe she knows, although it's unlikely. "
 He's the one cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep, if she's a close friend it's your duty to tell her! If not, then block him and keep out of it! Had a similar thing happen to me on our old profile. Got a friend to message the guy asking how his girlfriend was doing and mention her by name. I wanted to scare him. I wanted to make him worry so bad. It still angers me to this day that the poor girl has no clue what he gets up to on Fabswingers. Imagine finding his page and reading these verifications, where people often go into explicit details of the time spent together. Cheating actually makes me homicidal! But...in order to avoid drama (unless you thrive on drama) block and ignore. Unless she's a close friend...then I'm sorry but you owe it to her to tell her about this...in my humble opinion
Mrs x |
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
Completely disagree with those who propose telling the wife (no matter how close a friend she is) unless you either relish telling someone of an obviously troublesome thing (some people ARE like that) or you just want to be the cause of their break up.
Yes, the may eventually break up or may not who knows. Many men stray and cheat for reasons that are impossible for others to see. Many of those eventually get it out of their system and go back to monogamy and the family doesn't break. Why should you do that to her/them? |
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If she isn't close enough to know you are on here then she isn't close.
Who's to say she doesn't know and you are going to cause her horrific embarrassment. You clearly don't know each other well enough to know the full story, I only have two real friends who know everything about each other, I would tell them and keep my nose out of other acquaintances business. |
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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago
wherever |
No he would have been the one to break them up if it comes to that.
And as much as we like to deny this even playing safe casual sex has its risks and these are the risks we take ourselves and accept. He’s dragging those risks home to an unaware wife. Not some unknown woman that you don’t care about but a friend. |
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"No he would have been the one to break them up if it comes to that.
And as much as we like to deny this even playing safe casual sex has its risks and these are the risks we take ourselves and accept. He’s dragging those risks home to an unaware wife. Not some unknown woman that you don’t care about but a friend. "
How do you or the op know that she's unaware? |
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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago
wherever |
"No he would have been the one to break them up if it comes to that.
And as much as we like to deny this even playing safe casual sex has its risks and these are the risks we take ourselves and accept. He’s dragging those risks home to an unaware wife. Not some unknown woman that you don’t care about but a friend.
How do you or the op know that she's unaware? "
Well if she’s knows bout it then all is well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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id hazard a guess definitely not the closest of friends, if you cant tell your best friend youre on a swingers site then who could you tell?
theres no issue about people being able to have sex with who ever they want its their body. no one has a right to tell them who they can have sex with married or not.
issues come from lying to partners about it and bareback. id be mortified my partner brought home an std from fucking strangers. be out on his arse quicker than he can say fuck me.
if people are going to cheat use a condom seriously! dont hurt your loved one
if your not cheating and they know, use a condom!
i can bet people will say why fuck other people if you love your partner, but sex is sex doesnt change the fact how you feel about someone. but lying to your loved one means you arent dedicated to the commitment of that relationship.
if your partner understands your highly sexed and loves you im sure they will understand the needs being met.
lies cause so much harm even the white ones. which with honesty everyone knows where they stand, and can make informed decisions.
i wouldnt go out of my way to tell someone their partner is cheating, cause more harm than good, tearing a loving family/couple apart when giving advice to the cheater to confess and actually sit down and talk to the partner about what they want, what they need is best approach.
but if i should happen to be asked by their partner... well honesty is best policy. lies are too much to manage when truth you dont need to make effort to remember it is what it is.
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"Been messaged by a few guys and one has sent a lot of pics and one of his face today. I recognize his as a friend's husband. Even though he has said in his profile he is single.. would you tell her or what. Got to say surprised he messed me as he is fit as."
Yes tell her. Don’t let him know anything! Screenshot his profile and etc and keep them as reciepts in case she wants proof. That’s your friend—look out for her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I would look out for my friends, and I would hope that they would tell me as well if it were the other way around... It's not your fault if they break up because of it, it's the cheating that did it! |
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"Personally I would look out for my friends, and I would hope that they would tell me as well if it were the other way around... It's not your fault if they break up because of it, it's the cheating that did it! "
Yep that’s exactly right. I can’t believe someone on here tried to guilt her and say you don’t want to be the cause of them breaking up. Excuse you! HE, the lying cheater, would be the cause of them breaking up. I suspect that a lot of folks on here giving this sideway advise are probably cheaters themselves lol. |
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Let's get this straight:
He's on here as a single.
He's got at least 15 veris.
Disregarding all else for the moment that means just two possibilities:
1) His wife knows and is o.k. with it and he declares as a single to avoid the "not meeting married guys" situation OR
2) His wife doesn't know and he is therefore a serial cheat and a LIAR.
How to resolve this: set up a false email and message him that you know his wife and ask if she knows he is on here. If he answers yes then tell him you will message her for confirmation.
If he answers no, blocks you or just goes user no longer on site then you have a choice: turn him in as a best friend should (send her a copy of his username profile and veris using your false email if you want) or stay stumm and face your friend's justifiable wrath and disdain when she finds out.
As for those who say you can't be that good a friend if you haven't told her you are on Fab that's just plain bull. Almost nobody tells even their bestest best friend everything about their private life.
It would appear he is playing dirty. Suppose you stay stumm and even so she eventually finds out (maybe he brings her a nice STD) what he's doing and turns to you for comfort. What happens if he has recognised you are on Fab and tells her "Even your so called best friend knew and didn't tell you!"
Recognising him on here has put you on the edge of a miry quagmire. Now you need to stay clean or risk drowning. |
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"Been messaged by a few guys and one has sent a lot of pics and one of his face today. I recognize his as a friend's husband. Even though he has said in his profile he is single.. would you tell her or what. Got to say surprised he messed me as he is fit as."
No! I have enough drama of my own without taking on other people's. Add to that who knows what goes on behind closed doors. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don’t say a word.....
Trust me his wife knows or has her suspicions he is cheating....
Women always know
Indeed...and I'm betting wouldn't want her friends knowing. "
She may not appreciate being told either. She may be happy to be living her life in 'denial', IF he is cheating of course.
She may also of agreed to him meeting others and doesn't want anyone knowing this.
You could be causing a whole load of problems for her by telling her. |
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"Don’t say a word.....
Trust me his wife knows or has her suspicions he is cheating....
Women always know
Indeed...and I'm betting wouldn't want her friends knowing.
She may not appreciate being told either. She may be happy to be living her life in 'denial', IF he is cheating of course.
She may also of agreed to him meeting others and doesn't want anyone knowing this.
You could be causing a whole load of problems for her by telling her."
Yes. I can never quite understand why people assume they know what's going on in other people's lives. Any of the above could apply here. Of course it's also possible that she has no idea but none of us know.
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By *nnie24Woman
over a year ago
Basildon |
I had this last yr, l didnt know him that well, but knew his name, l had only met him a cple of times he was a work colleagues husband, he had sent a face pic and l replied using his name and that l knew his wife, l didnt give my name and no face pic either, must have crapped himself as profile was gone minutes later, l never told her but he must have got found out as she left him, and now divorced and she moved up north, l dont regret not telling her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Completely disagree with those who propose telling the wife (no matter how close a friend she is) unless you either relish telling someone of an obviously troublesome thing (some people ARE like that) or you just want to be the cause of their break up.
Yes, the may eventually break up or may not who knows. Many men stray and cheat for reasons that are impossible for others to see. Many of those eventually get it out of their system and go back to monogamy and the family doesn't break. Why should you do that to her/them?"
Have you ever been cheated on? It's the most humiliating feeling in the world to find out someone has cheated on you, and to add fuel to the fire if a close friend knew and didn't tell me I can't imagine how hurt I would be!
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally I would look out for my friends, and I would hope that they would tell me as well if it were the other way around... It's not your fault if they break up because of it, it's the cheating that did it! "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Let's get this straight:
He's on here as a single.
He's got at least 15 veris.
Disregarding all else for the moment that means just two possibilities:
1) His wife knows and is o.k. with it and he declares as a single to avoid the "not meeting married guys" situation OR
2) His wife doesn't know and he is therefore a serial cheat and a LIAR.
How to resolve this: set up a false email and message him that you know his wife and ask if she knows he is on here. If he answers yes then tell him you will message her for confirmation.
If he answers no, blocks you or just goes user no longer on site then you have a choice: turn him in as a best friend should (send her a copy of his username profile and veris using your false email if you want) or stay stumm and face your friend's justifiable wrath and disdain when she finds out.
As for those who say you can't be that good a friend if you haven't told her you are on Fab that's just plain bull. Almost nobody tells even their bestest best friend everything about their private life.
It would appear he is playing dirty. Suppose you stay stumm and even so she eventually finds out (maybe he brings her a nice STD) what he's doing and turns to you for comfort. What happens if he has recognised you are on Fab and tells her "Even your so called best friend knew and didn't tell you!"
Recognising him on here has put you on the edge of a miry quagmire. Now you need to stay clean or risk drowning."
We have the same brain! 
Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Completely disagree with those who propose telling the wife (no matter how close a friend she is) unless you either relish telling someone of an obviously troublesome thing (some people ARE like that) or you just want to be the cause of their break up.
Yes, the may eventually break up or may not who knows. Many men stray and cheat for reasons that are impossible for others to see. Many of those eventually get it out of their system and go back to monogamy and the family doesn't break. Why should you do that to her/them?
Have you ever been cheated on? It's the most humiliating feeling in the world to find out someone has cheated on you, and to add fuel to the fire if a close friend knew and didn't tell me I can't imagine how hurt I would be!
Mrs "
My friends wife was cheating on him with one of the personal trainers at our gym... I found out by overhearing the personal trainer bragging to his friends in the locker room.....
Me being the good friend, I took my friend out for drinks and broke the news to him... he was devastated.. he got d*unk and I was worried he would kill her.
I didn’t hear from him for 2 days and thought he got arrested. I called to check in on him. He told me everything was fine and it was a misunderstanding....
That was 4 years ago ... they are still together but the only thing that changed was we are not as close anymore....
He admitted to me every time my name comes up. It brings back painful memories
Moral of the story......
You would rather have your friend mad at you for no wanting to hurt them.
Than not have a friend for telling them the uncomfortable truth....
|
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"Completely disagree with those who propose telling the wife (no matter how close a friend she is) unless you either relish telling someone of an obviously troublesome thing (some people ARE like that) or you just want to be the cause of their break up.
Yes, the may eventually break up or may not who knows. Many men stray and cheat for reasons that are impossible for others to see. Many of those eventually get it out of their system and go back to monogamy and the family doesn't break. Why should you do that to her/them?
Have you ever been cheated on? It's the most humiliating feeling in the world to find out someone has cheated on you, and to add fuel to the fire if a close friend knew and didn't tell me I can't imagine how hurt I would be!
Mrs
My friends wife was cheating on him with one of the personal trainers at our gym... I found out by overhearing the personal trainer bragging to his friends in the locker room.....
Me being the good friend, I took my friend out for drinks and broke the news to him... he was devastated.. he got d*unk and I was worried he would kill her.
I didn’t hear from him for 2 days and thought he got arrested. I called to check in on him. He told me everything was fine and it was a misunderstanding....
That was 4 years ago ... they are still together but the only thing that changed was we are not as close anymore....
He admitted to me every time my name comes up. It brings back painful memories
Moral of the story......
You would rather have your friend mad at you for no wanting to hurt them.
Than not have a friend for telling them the uncomfortable truth....
"
I think many people misunderstand or underestimate the lengths both partners will go to in order to protect a marriage in some cases. They will lie to each other and themselves. Outsiders are irrelevant to them and likely to be discarded. |
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I think the op should maybe warn her friend that her husband is the kind of man who would have sex with someone who has had bareback with 100s of strangers in her van  ..... and direct her to the nearest clinic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the op should maybe warn her friend that her husband is the kind of man who would have sex with someone who has had bareback with 100s of strangers in her van ..... and direct her to the nearest clinic"
My thoughts too |
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By *lyreelMan
over a year ago
King's lynn |
"No block him and mind yer own business. Maybe drop her a subtle hint that he’s a cheating cnut but let her find out for herself "
Mind yer own business but drop a hint? How the feck is that minding your own? That’s shit stirring surely? |
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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago
solihull |
If he is playing away then he is prepared to take a risk, therefore tell her. If she knows, then she will realise you are being honest and caring towards her. He deserves no protection if he is a liar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been messaged by a few guys and one has sent a lot of pics and one of his face today. I recognize his as a friend's husband. Even though he has said in his profile he is single.. would you tell her or what. Got to say surprised he messed me as he is fit as."
I wouldn't tell her as she may lay blame at your door even though you are only the messenger. It will also "out you" as being on here and if she takes it badly could tell everyone about you being on here. Etc etc. I just think it's best to say nothing as he may eventually be caught. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"Completely disagree with those who propose telling the wife (no matter how close a friend she is) unless you either relish telling someone of an obviously troublesome thing (some people ARE like that) or you just want to be the cause of their break up.
Yes, the may eventually break up or may not who knows. Many men stray and cheat for reasons that are impossible for others to see. Many of those eventually get it out of their system and go back to monogamy and the family doesn't break. Why should you do that to her/them?
Have you ever been cheated on? It's the most humiliating feeling in the world to find out someone has cheated on you, and to add fuel to the fire if a close friend knew and didn't tell me I can't imagine how hurt I would be!
Mrs
My friends wife was cheating on him with one of the personal trainers at our gym... I found out by overhearing the personal trainer bragging to his friends in the locker room.....
Me being the good friend, I took my friend out for drinks and broke the news to him... he was devastated.. he got d*unk and I was worried he would kill her.
I didn’t hear from him for 2 days and thought he got arrested. I called to check in on him. He told me everything was fine and it was a misunderstanding....
That was 4 years ago ... they are still together but the only thing that changed was we are not as close anymore....
He admitted to me every time my name comes up. It brings back painful memories
Moral of the story......
You would rather have your friend mad at you for no wanting to hurt them.
Than not have a friend for telling them the uncomfortable truth....
"
The thing is,if my friend knew and didn't tell me and it was my best mate,I'd feel as betrayed by her as I would by the cheating .
So of it was my best mate of 30 years ,if have to warn her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No block him and mind yer own business. Maybe drop her a subtle hint that he’s a cheating cnut but let her find out for herself
How do I let her know with out letting it out about me"
With this reply, you have just answered your own question!
None of your business, leave it alone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a difficult one OP. How do you tell her without admitting where you saw him? You'll need proof of where you saw him, to give her physical evidence If you do tell her, don't be under any illusions that he will drag you under the bus with him, if he admits it at all. What if she decided to forgive him? Chances are, you will lose a friend, as some do tend to 'shoot the messenger'. How close are you, friendship wise? If you feel that intense need to tell her, because you are very close, then you need to go with your gut on this. But if you do, you need to be realistic about the potential fall out. Whatever you decide, i do wish you the best of luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guys this is a fuck site .. not a name and shame site.. I'm a cuckold and I love my wife meeting guys.. so who knows her friend could be the same and love her hubby meeting.. I know it's prob not that . But this is none of our business.. don't get involved.. it could ruin friendships.. let nature take its course |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As someone who was “outed” to their husband due to the nature of your posts on here and activities up and down the country I’m not exactly sure this should be much of a quandary for you Sara |
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"As someone who was “outed” to their husband due to the nature of your posts on here and activities up and down the country I’m not exactly sure this should be much of a quandary for you Sara "
A quandary no, attention seeking quite possibly 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is he verified? He might be no more than a time wasting fantasist, in which case no real harm done.
Has15 and lots of pics with different women"
I would tell because if the shoe was on the other foot I would like to think as friends they woukd tell me ... |
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Yeah go ahead and tell her. But remember what goes around , comes around. Just remember that after the wife confronts him and the shit hits the fan , assuming wifey doesn't know. I wonder who's family and friends will be on the next emails from HIM. My guess would be yours OP . Tell him you know who he is and block him , nothing else. Any other option is a huge can of worms in my opinion. Xx |
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Just curious.
Have you checked to see if she's on here?
She may have used a different location too.
I know a certain lady here who's quite a popular hot pic person who's husband has no clue.
Behind closed doors, nobody knows what goes on.
If you think you know all the facts, then speak to her. If you aren't sure you know ALL the facts, keep schtum and get busy living your own Fab life, you single, no skeletons in your closet, nor bedside locker nun. |
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"No block him and mind yer own business. Maybe drop her a subtle hint that he’s a cheating cnut but let her find out for herself "
Don't say anything. It's not your place. Unless you know exactly his reasons behind being here. That's a minefield you don't want to be caught up in |
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