FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Why NSA?

Why NSA?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I get swinging and I get dating... but what is it with singles and nsa sex on here?

Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?

I just don't see the attraction of going through all the hassle of trying to lure a woman off here into meeting for an uncaring on-her-own-terms fuck rather than dating. It's very easy to navigate having sex via dating without lying. You just have to both be genuinely attracted to each other and genuinely single...

Ahhh now I get it... you're married

Seriously though... I'm a sceptic. Sell me on it. What does it do for you that dating doesn't? Why? Just why?

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By *ookin4funABCMan over a year ago

Worksop

People like sex without the complications and responsibility that comes with dating

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"People like sex without the complications and responsibility that comes with dating"

What are the complications and responsibilities?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Probably undateable, but in all seriousness, I'm not ready to get into a relationship again. I wouldn't say no if it happened, but I'm not actively looking for a relationship. I'd prefer a FWB than NSA, but probably wouldn't turn an NSA meet down if I was asked.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t really get it either. When I was single and wanting nsa sex (but not interested at that time in swinging) I found nsa sex from dating sites and from nightclubs. Not entirely sure how a swingers site would have been a more fulfilling experience. But then I guess I do like a date prior to sex.

Mrs

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Who says it has to be "uncaring on her own terms"? Whilst I'm not 'single' for the purposes of this profile I am to all intents and purposes in the way I interact on the site and the type of meets I seek - and I wouldn't say any of those that I have had have either been uncaring or on anything other than equal terms.

Just because it's NSA doesn't have to mean it's meaningless, without feeling or sex for the sake of it.

When I meet it's because I have established a connection and chemistry with the person I am meeting and WANT to spend time with them (both socially and sexually) and KNOW they want to meet me equally as much. That way sex isn't uncaring or meaningless and certainly isn't on anything other than mutually agreeable terms - if I felt otherwise I wouldn't be meeting them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I thought it just meant *no bondage*.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People like sex without the complications and responsibility that comes with dating

What are the complications and responsibilities? "

I have to admit. When I was single I found dating extremely uncomplicated. I usually went on 2 dates a week and had 2 or 3 regular off-on guys. Anybody looking for uncomplicated fun with someone like me would not have found me on a swingers site.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Who says it has to be "uncaring on her own terms"? Whilst I'm not 'single' for the purposes of this profile I am to all intents and purposes in the way I interact on the site and the type of meets I seek - and I wouldn't say any of those that I have had have either been uncaring or on anything other than equal terms.

Just because it's NSA doesn't have to mean it's meaningless, without feeling or sex for the sake of it.

Yeah Gemini I can see how it works perfectly for people who are attached

... and perhaps that's what most "single" people on here actually are... but from a genuinely single point of view I just can't wrap my head around it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"People like sex without the complications and responsibility that comes with dating

What are the complications and responsibilities?

I agree. It's really easy to have sexual experiences whilst dating (if you're an attractive option I guess). You just need to be honest, alluring, genuine, and if it's all good give the relationship a chance and if it's not just be honest and cut ties afterwards in the nicest way possible. Simple

Complications occur when you mess people around and responsibilities come later... much later

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Just because it's NSA doesn't have to mean it's meaningless, without feeling or sex for the sake of it.

Yeah Gemini I can see how it works perfectly for people who are attached

... and perhaps that's what most "single" people on here actually are... but from a genuinely single point of view I just can't wrap my head around it "

I don't see the difference between being attached and playing solo and being single in this instance to be honest - I only mentioned it before anyone piped up with "but you're not single"

The premise of my post still applies though, regardless of your relationship status though i.e. NSA doesn't have to mean uncaring and not on equal terms

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/07/18 23:31:15]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t really get it either. When I was single and wanting nsa sex (but not interested at that time in swinging) I found nsa sex from dating sites and from nightclubs. Not entirely sure how a swingers site would have been a more fulfilling experience. But then I guess I do like a date prior to sex.

Mrs"

Spot on. You can have NSA from dating sites easily and in fact many dating sites consist of members who basically are not really ready for the lovely dovey stuff/soulmate but still want physical contact

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't see the difference between being attached and playing solo and being single in this instance to be honest - I only mentioned it before anyone piped up with "but you're not single"

The premise of my post still applies though, regardless of your relationship status though i.e. NSA doesn't have to mean uncaring and not on equal terms

The difference is that you can't legitimately date. So Fab is your best option. I agree that you can make it as good as dating if you want. But that approach is the default approach on dating apps whilst on here it's often going against the grain, with most women local to me quite clearly looking for a fuck when they want it and with a body they want it with. It's this I don't get and given the chance I prefer dating

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?"

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs"

That isn't how the op reads

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One of the main differences I’ve noticed between dating sites and Fab is that on dating sites there will be for example a nice date in a pub, making an evening of it. On Fab these dates are called ‘socials’, and a quick coffe seems to be preferred, with sunbsequent meets nit even warranting a coffee. Never understood why someone hasn’t invented nsa dating.

Mrs

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I don't see the difference between being attached and playing solo and being single in this instance to be honest - I only mentioned it before anyone piped up with "but you're not single"

The premise of my post still applies though, regardless of your relationship status though i.e. NSA doesn't have to mean uncaring and not on equal terms

Thing is I don't "want" to date legitimately or otherwise - I want to meet likeminded people to form a connection and chemistry with and explore sex and sexuality with (as well as have an element of social time with) if it feels right to do so and we're both in agreement and to do so without there being any strings or commitment.

And THAT (allowing for individual preferences) is no different from what most other people on the site are looking for in one respect or another.

I guess if you're not finding what you personally are looking for locally you either have to consider spreading your net wider or whether you are ever going to find it on this site.

Either way to come back to your original point, and as I keep saying, NSA doesn't have to be uncaring or meaningless or on anyone's terms other than those you agree to.l

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads"

For a change we're in agreement

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By *layfulfoxMan over a year ago

nowhere

I'm happy with where I'm at with my life and have more personal goals to get to before I'm ready for anything serious. I'm busy, I have responsibilities of being a single parent.

I don't mind social meets/dates whatever you want to call them but NSA is just that everyone has a desire that needs fulfilling and someone may be in exactly the same situation and after similar

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

For a change we're in agreement

Fuck me... don't tell me we've interpreted something the same

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because I’m married

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads"

You're both right. But whilst it might be easy for you to understand scarlet, I just can't see any attraction to nsa sex. I'm not moaning about it. I simply don't get it. Why, if you were single, wouldn't you want connecting sex repeatedly with someone who you had feelings for in some way?

But classy is also right. Why bother on here? It's so notoriously difficult compared to the dating apps.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/07/18 23:59:02]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

But classy is also right. Why bother on here? It's so notoriously difficult compared to the dating apps. "

Perhaps the feelings is the issue. Unrequited feelings hurt.

NSA - no feelings - no hurt?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm happy with where I'm at with my life and have more personal goals to get to before I'm ready for anything serious. I'm busy, I have responsibilities of being a single parent.

I don't mind social meets/dates whatever you want to call them but NSA is just that everyone has a desire that needs fulfilling and someone may be in exactly the same situation and after similar"

I hear you bro. There's something of me in what you wrote. I guess I just feel that there are lots of single women out there who feel the same way on the dating sites and that there is where the action is really and if you do meet a special someone A) you've met a special someone so yippee! and B) they'll understand that you've got shit you need to do before you can get serious with them and they'll wait

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

But classy is also right. Why bother on here? It's so notoriously difficult compared to the dating apps.

Perhaps the feelings is the issue. Unrequited feelings hurt.

NSA - no feelings - no hurt?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

But classy is also right. Why bother on here? It's so notoriously difficult compared to the dating apps. "

Just for the record my husband and I are here because swing clubs, threesones and hotwifing is not readily available on a dating app.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I dated all the men I meet on here I wouldn't have time for the sex with anyone else.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

Why can't you just accept that other people have different desires and needs to yourself? Why the need to understand it? Because whatever people say are their reasons you still won't necessarily understand them. You don't see attraction to nsa sex yet for others it fits perfectly into their life. I still can't grasp why you would struggle to understand. Yes it's not for you but it works for others. What's Not to understand?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh, I didn't read the OP properly. You were talking to single men.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh, I didn't read the OP properly. You were talking to single men.

Oh, hang on, brain just engaged!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't want to date. I don't want monogamy. I get sex from other means online.

If I dated someone they might take umbrage over me having sex with other men.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

But classy is also right. Why bother on here? It's so notoriously difficult compared to the dating apps.

Just for the record my husband and I are here because swing clubs, threesones and hotwifing is not readily available on a dating app."

Of course classy. The op is really only aimed at the genuinely single man and women who come on here seeking only nsa sex. That's what puzzles me. To clarify... I'm happy to date a woman off here or to "swing" with couples.. that's why I'm here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

But classy is also right. Why bother on here? It's so notoriously difficult compared to the dating apps.

Perhaps the feelings is the issue. Unrequited feelings hurt.

NSA - no feelings - no hurt?"

I’ve had 2 guys hurt me since we’ve been swinging. But then I dabble with polyamory. Again dating sites are probably not suitable for finding a few partners in one go where feelings are involved.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't want to date. I don't want monogamy. I get sex from other means online.

If I dated someone they might take umbrage over me having sex with other men."

Ok. So the thought going into it is that you're kind of promiscuous or poly and you're happy with that. So you don't want to lead people looking for monogamy on. Yeah I can see that

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By *layfulfoxMan over a year ago

nowhere

Yeah true, I have been on those and as soon as they see not looking for anything serious or just looking for fun etc. They don't show any interest.

Yet they then moan that the guys they meet are only after one thing and they probably put out on their date too. I'm honest I'd rather not have a date because I'm only looking for some fun than have someone call me every name under the sun for being dishonest.

I do think there are women on dating apps that say they want to meet 'the one' when really they're just after some NSA fun but it's frowned upon for them to admit.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

For a change we're in agreement

Fuck me... don't tell me we've interpreted something the same

I know!! Miracles do happen - when're you next walking on water?

Oh wait I forgot that's a regular pastime

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One of the main differences I’ve noticed between dating sites and Fab is that on dating sites there will be for example a nice date in a pub, making an evening of it. On Fab these dates are called ‘socials’, and a quick coffe seems to be preferred, with sunbsequent meets nit even warranting a coffee. Never understood why someone hasn’t invented nsa dating.

Mrs"

I've met a couple of men from a dating site. I got the impression that taking me out to dinner before, or after we had sex, somehow made it more palatable for them. The food and chat turned it from a hook up, to a date. It's no different to me; ultimately they wanted sex, not a girlfriend and I'd rather not have pretend dating to ease their guilt.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yeah true, I have been on those and as soon as they see not looking for anything serious or just looking for fun etc. They don't show any interest.

I do think there are women on dating apps that say they want to meet 'the one' when really they're just after some NSA fun but it's frowned upon for them to admit.

I have heard that the women on dating sites who normally say they're not looking for sex are usually the ones who are down to fuck. Whether or not that's true I don't know.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

Don't get me wrong scarlet. I know other people like it and I'm perfectly adjusted to that fact. I'm just curious as to what the heck the attraction is. It's not that I get it but don't like it. I don't even get it. But then I guess maybe you're right... I could say the same thing about getting a cock up my arse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

NSA = NFE

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some just want sex no interaction lots of gals like that too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

Exactly. Why the need to understand that particular thing when I bet there are loads more that you don't get either. Maybe I'm too accepting of others. I dunno

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some just want sex no interaction lots of gals like that too "

Bag ‘em and gag ‘em is how we like em

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dating is difficult for me... but sex is an outlet..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mrs

I have to have a ‘date’ experience if it’s a private meet.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't want to date. I don't want monogamy. I get sex from other means online.

If I dated someone they might take umbrage over me having sex with other men.

Ok. So the thought going into it is that you're kind of promiscuous or poly and you're happy with that. So you don't want to lead people looking for monogamy on. Yeah I can see that "

Wouldn't really call myself either, as they point to relationships. I don't want to be too attached to anyone and have told men that. I would imagine that's what swinging couples feel too. Maybe promiscuous, in saying that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mrs

I have to have a ‘date’ experience if it’s a private meet. "

I've had drinks and food before sex, with men from here, but we knew sex was going to happen. I wouldn't go on a date only. I don't have time for that and it makes things a little too relationship like, for me.

I do talk on here for quite a while before meeting though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

OP, nothing wrong with curiosity. But may I ask why you are here as a single man is you don’t understand the attraction of nsa sex. That’s me being curious now,

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By *layfulfoxMan over a year ago

nowhere

Mrs

Does the date just turn into the prelude to sex, so therefore I'll buy you dinner then we'll go back and fuck, I'm offering you something in return.

NSA implies we just want to fuck, if then we agree to meet for coffee or a drink it's mutually agreed that we're essentially there for the sex therefore 'date' is more relaxed if there is one at all and it's not seen as a trade

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get swinging and I get dating... but what is it with singles and nsa sex on here?

Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?

Ahhh now I get it... you're married

Seriously though... I'm a sceptic. Sell me on it. What does it do for you that dating doesn't? Why? Just why?

I’m all those thing

dating is a hassle and something I have no patience for. If a guy dropped into my lap, fair enough!

Sometimes life is just complicated and more complication isn’t required. Dating tends to bring that; at the same time sexual release is important for many. I’m not interested in nsa unless it’s in the club which is different to 1:1. Having had FB I wonder if many people can actually do NSA?!?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mrs

Does the date just turn into the prelude to sex, so therefore I'll buy you dinner then we'll go back and fuck, I'm offering you something in return.

They knew we were going to have sex eventually. NSA to me means no relationship hassles, but not hook up an hour after messaging.

Nobody buys me dinner so I will have sex with them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

OP, nothing wrong with curiosity. But may I ask why you are here as a single man is you don’t understand the attraction of nsa sex. That’s me being curious now, "

As I wrote earlier classy... I'm happy to date a single woman off here or "swing" with couples. I'm also open to having a steamy hot affair with a married woman but that's a bit complex to explain as it's not really nsa but I guess kinda is a bit too hmmm

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I get swinging and I get dating... but what is it with singles and nsa sex on here?

Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?

Ahhh now I get it... you're married

Seriously though... I'm a sceptic. Sell me on it. What does it do for you that dating doesn't? Why? Just why?

I’m all those thing

dating is a hassle and something I have no patience for. If a guy dropped into my lap, fair enough!

I'm curious bathtime... it sounds like it's much easier for you to find a suitable guy to fuck on here than it is to find a suitable guy to date. Is that the case? If so it would go some way to explaining the chocolate box culture among women on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not married not scared of commitment

This suits me

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not married not scared of commitment

This suits me"

Have you given up on finding love or was dating too much of a nightmare for you? Just trying to unpick your reasons a bit more if you don't mind

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By *layfulfoxMan over a year ago

nowhere

"I get swinging and I get dating... but what is it with singles and nsa sex on here?

Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?

Ahhh now I get it... you're married

Seriously though... I'm a sceptic. Sell me on it. What does it do for you that dating doesn't? Why? Just why?

I’m all those thing

dating is a hassle and something I have no patience for. If a guy dropped into my lap, fair enough!

Agreed with that last bit, having had a fuck buddy does one usually want more? I found that even though it was she that suggested the idea and I told her from the off that I'm not in a place to take things further at the minute. Then she started to assume I felt more because she did.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not married not scared of commitment

This suits me

Have you given up on finding love or was dating too much of a nightmare for you? Just trying to unpick your reasons a bit more if you don't mind

Not bothered about dating if when it happens fine.

No issues with dating

Just suits my life at the mo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

OP, nothing wrong with curiosity. But may I ask why you are here as a single man is you don’t understand the attraction of nsa sex. That’s me being curious now,

Are you looking for monogamy with a woman from here?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Considering half the men who have messaged me on here have also messaged me on POF claiming to want relationships I'd say NSA and dating are pretty much one and the same. At least on here it's honest. I'm not on POF anymore, dating is hard work and for what? You get messed around and led up the garden path.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pffft no one took the bait

To me NSA = no fucking effort = any hole's a goal = fuck n go.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Considering half the men who have messaged me on here have also messaged me on POF claiming to want relationships I'd say NSA and dating are pretty much one and the same. At least on here it's honest. I'm not on POF anymore, dating is hard work and for what? You get messed around and led up the garden path. "

That's why I use this and Tinder for sex whilst I use POF for friends. I don't wanna be the type of guy who fucks someone then fucks them off. I'd feel guilty if I led someone on.

On POF I am honest about what I want, I do say that I'm looking for friends but wouldn't rule out a relationship if it happened. Yeah, fair enough I do want sex, but not enough to hurt someone over it. If someone said to me on POF that's all they wanted, I wouldn't turn them down, but I don't go looking for it on there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

OP, nothing wrong with curiosity. But may I ask why you are here as a single man is you don’t understand the attraction of nsa sex. That’s me being curious now,

Are you looking for monogamy with a woman from here?"

If we fell madly and deeply in love... probably. But if that was a problem I guess I'd have to revisit that issue then

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"I get swinging and I get dating... but what is it with singles and nsa sex on here?

Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?

Ahhh now I get it... you're married

Seriously though... I'm a sceptic. Sell me on it. What does it do for you that dating doesn't? Why? Just why?

When I was single ( nine years ago now ) , I went on dating sites and was amazed at how easy it was to get nsa sex . I did this for a few months but then realised how cold and meaningless it all was . Pointless hook ups with no real feelings , often not even lust , just sex for the sake of it .

So I stopped using these sites , and set my stall out for something way more meaningful and real , and asked S out on a date as she was recently single too . We had known each other for some time before dating each other but no attraction was apparent until that first date .

We courted for a year like any other couple , then decided to start swinging . A year after that we got married , and the rest is history , we have the full Monty with each other , the depth , the love , the real and fulfilling stuff . And the nsa with others which complements what we have together ,

So while ithe nsa was ok for a month or two for me , that was enough . But thank goodness there are plenty out there that are happy with it

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

OP, you’ve come away with so much crap in this thread, it’s hard to know where to begin quoting. I can’t help but feel, given your opening gambit, that the whole thread is one big humblebrag about how easily you manage to fuck the girls you meet on dating websites. Slow hand clap for that one, fella.

Owing to various circumstances which, for the sake of brevity, we’ll just class as ‘none of your fucking business’, I’m not looking for a relationship. Yes, in the grand scheme of things, one day it might be nice to have repeated sex with the same person while also snuggling on the sofa and going on holidays together and all that crap, but I’m not looking for that right now. I still like sex, though.

Paid-for dating sites are full of people looking for relationships. Free dating websites, which do contain some women just looking to hook up, are geared towards looks, and I’m not attractive enough to have success on that alone. And the ones who base their decisions on reading profiles are, in my experience, looking for relationships and not just hook ups.

The whole approach to the two things are, in my experience, sufficiently different that one does not work at all for me, while the other does.

But, you know, thanks for the thread suggesting that I’m ugly, dull, and not genuinely single. Give your head a wobble.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I'm beginning to think Mr Soulfulinky that you work for that famous university in Sydney

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, you’ve come away with so much crap in this thread, it’s hard to know where to begin quoting. I can’t help but feel, given your opening gambit, that the whole thread is one big humblebrag about how easily you manage to fuck the girls you meet on dating websites. Slow hand clap for that one, fella.

The whole approach to the two things are, in my experience, sufficiently different that one does not work at all for me, while the other does.

But, you know, thanks for the thread suggesting that I’m ugly, dull, and not genuinely single. Give your head a wobble."

God knows how you came up with that conclusion

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

personally. I don't have time to date. I work strange hours. and it turns out that guys wanting to date, would like to be able to date more than once a fortnight. so for me, nsa works better. everyone knows where they stand

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"God knows how you came up with that conclusion

I read his posts. It’s all in there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t really understand what’s wrong with the OPs posts. It’s just a discussion about what makes people tick. I found it quite a interesting discussion, and one that I’ve have started similar threads about.

Mrs

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"I don’t really understand what’s wrong with the OPs posts. It’s just a discussion about what makes people tick. I found it quite a interesting discussion, and one that I’ve have started similar threads about.

Mrs"

Me too , and I totally get where he is coming from

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

Mrs"

Bully for you. Did you do it in as offensive a manner?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm beginning to think Mr Soulfulinky that you work for that famous university in Sydney"

Haha

Who me? Don't be a drongo!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I'm beginning to think Mr Soulfulinky that you work for that famous university in Sydney

Haha

Who me? Don't be a drongo!

I am a drongette and don't you forget it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mrs

Bully for you. Did you do it in as offensive a manner?"

I don’t think I was offensive, but you may have found me offensive. I don’t find the OP offensive, but am curious as to why others find him offensive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mrs

Bully for you. Did you do it in as offensive a manner?"

The choice to be offended is yours. I see questions and opinions.

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"I'm beginning to think Mr Soulfulinky that you work for that famous university in Sydney"

I think that famous university are pretty subtle in their approach for information .

The same can’t be said for Mr Soulfulkinky can it ? He just comes right out with it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mrs

Bully for you. Did you do it in as offensive a manner?

I don’t think I was offensive, but you may have found me offensive. I don’t find the OP offensive, but am curious as to why others find him offensive. "

You're never offensive.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I'm beginning to think Mr Soulfulinky that you work for that famous university in Sydney

I think that famous university are pretty subtle in their approach for information .

The same can’t be said for Mr Soulfulkinky can it ? He just comes right out with it

They are so subtle that we appear to have been completely excluded from their investigations

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Mrs

Bully for you. Did you do it in as offensive a manner?"

Awww curious I loved your post dude

Made me chuckle proper. I don't know if mine was an appropriate reaction but it was funny. I think the whole ugly dull and maybe not even single may be your new selling point

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"I don’t think I was offensive, but you may have found me offensive. I don’t find the OP offensive, but am curious as to why others find him offensive. "

Because, as I indicated already, he’s said - at various points - that if people like me can’t achieve on normal dating sites what we achieve on here, we must be dull, ugly, or not genuinely single. And his snide little line about escorts is wrong in multiple ways.

Frankly, the typical superiority from those in relationships isn’t great (why not add a patronising pat on the head for us singletons to your posts) but our OP seems on a mission to be a dick in this thread.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm beginning to think Mr Soulfulinky that you work for that famous university in Sydney

I think that famous university are pretty subtle in their approach for information .

The same can’t be said for Mr Soulfulkinky can it ? He just comes right out with it

Haha

I'm quite proud of that accolade. Cheers guys

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don’t think I was offensive, but you may have found me offensive. I don’t find the OP offensive, but am curious as to why others find him offensive.

Dubious. You're coming across as being into nsa as you can't do any better. Surely that's not the case?!?

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"The choice to be offended is yours. I see questions and opinions."

1) It’s not a choice, we’ve been over this in other threads.

2) His wording clearly sets out to be offensive, by directing snarky, negative comments at those who are looking for something different. There’s a way to ask questions that doesn’t also jab a finger at the subject.

3) Saying that something is offensive is not the same as being offended.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t think I was offensive, but you may have found me offensive. I don’t find the OP offensive, but am curious as to why others find him offensive.

Dubious. You're coming across as being into nsa as you can't do any better. Surely that's not the case?!? "

You're assuming that a relationship is better than nsa sex.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Dubious. You're coming across as being into nsa as you can't do any better. Surely that's not the case?!? "

I’ll point you back to the bit where I said that it’s none of your fucking business why I’m looking for one thing over another. But congratulations on dispelling the notion that you’re not setting out to be a dick, or using this thread to blow smoke up your own arse.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The choice to be offended is yours. I see questions and opinions.

1) It’s not a choice, we’ve been over this in other threads.

3) Saying that something is offensive is not the same as being offended."

1) Not a clue to what you are referring.

2) Your perception .

3) Your perception.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dubious. You're coming across as being into nsa as you can't do any better. Surely that's not the case?!?

Do you two have history in the forum?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don’t think I was offensive, but you may have found me offensive. I don’t find the OP offensive, but am curious as to why others find him offensive.

Dubious. You're coming across as being into nsa as you can't do any better. Surely that's not the case?!?

You're assuming that a relationship is better than nsa sex. "

I was referring to dubious' post. He makes out that the only reason why he does nsa is because he has success there where he doesn't with dating. It just sounded like he'd rather date (in fact he comes across as quite jealous of that) rather than putting forward a positive case for nsa, which is what I'm more interested in

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"1) Not a clue to what you are referring.

2) Your perception .

3) Your perception."

Well, it doesn’t really matter what threads we’ve covered it in, you’re still wrong. On all three points. But thanks for taking part.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t think I was offensive, but you may have found me offensive. I don’t find the OP offensive, but am curious as to why others find him offensive.

He did not make a statement that if people can’t achieve on dating sites what they achieve here they must be dull, ugly or not single. What he did say was ask the question why people use this site and suggested a few reasons as to why people might use this site.

‘Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?’

He’s only asking.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people catch too many feelings and expect a boring relationship to come out of it.

Personally I think it’s dull to sleep with just one person

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dubious. You're coming across as being into nsa as you can't do any better. Surely that's not the case?!?

Do you two have history in the forum?"

No. I've enjoyed curious' input on this thread, even if it was a bit ott. He's entitled to his opinion. No bad blood on my side

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"I I was referring to dubious' post. He makes out that the only reason why he does nsa is because he has success there where he doesn't with dating. It just sounded like he'd rather date (in fact he comes across as quite jealous of that) rather than putting forward a positive case for nsa, which is what I'm more interested in "

I clearly said I’m not interested in those things, so you’re either being deliberately obtuse, or just pulling the superiority act again. Still choosing to act like a dick, either way.

I stated a clear case for nsa. It’s really pretty simple; I don’t want any of the crap that comes with dating or relationships. I still like sex.

And it’s not a case of only being here because I don’t do well on dating sites. But I’d rather not have to navigate around all the people on dating sites who are looking for relationships, just to find the ones looking to just hook up.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"He did not make a statement... He’s only asking. "

Oh for crying out loud, don’t be so naive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The choice to be offended is yours. I see questions and opinions.

1) It’s not a choice, we’ve been over this in other threads.

3) Saying that something is offensive is not the same as being offended."

Well I guess it was offensive to you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"1) Not a clue to what you are referring.

2) Your perception .

3) Your perception.

Well, it doesn’t really matter what threads we’ve covered it in, you’re still wrong. On all three points. But thanks for taking part."

I'm not wrong on any point. And thank you for thanking me for taking part. I've been a part of this forum for about 8 years now.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"I've been a part of this forum for about 8 years now."

Woopty-doo.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Well I guess it was offensive to you. "

Maybe read what I wrote instead of guessing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dubious. You're coming across as being into nsa as you can't do any better. Surely that's not the case?!?

Do you two have history in the forum?

No. I've enjoyed curious' input on this thread, even if it was a bit ott. He's entitled to his opinion. No bad blood on my side "

He sounds like he's spitting feathers - it surely cannot be as a result of this thread alone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get swinging and I get dating... but what is it with singles and nsa sex on here?

Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?

Ahhh now I get it... you're married

Seriously though... I'm a sceptic. Sell me on it. What does it do for you that dating doesn't? Why? Just why?

So while ithe nsa was ok for a month or two for me , that was enough . But thank goodness there are plenty out there that are happy with it

I hope I find what you two have. I’m not into nsa one on one but I don’t a vanilla relationship either. I wish there was a swinging dating site.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well I guess it was offensive to you.

Maybe read what I wrote instead of guessing."

What has crawled up your arse and died? You really are coming across as angry and aggressive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mrs"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I stated a clear case for nsa. It’s really pretty simple; I don’t want any of the crap that comes with dating or relationships. I still like sex."

I think what you're reading as superiority is probably just naivety. I've only been single for 9 months. So I haven't dated long enough yet to have any experience of "any of the crap that comes with dating or relationships". At the mo, to me, having a romance with a woman off a dating site has so far been pretty uncomplicated and nice. Maybe I've just been lucky finding that early on and I'll soon come across all the crap that you're averse to. But at this point nsa seems a bit of a weird option, given the choice

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"Well I guess it was offensive to you.

Maybe read what I wrote instead of guessing.

What has crawled up your arse and died? You really are coming across as angry and aggressive."

Don’t let it get to you , it’s not worth it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well I guess it was offensive to you.

Maybe read what I wrote instead of guessing."

My apologies. When you said ‘3) Saying that something is offensive is not the same as being offended.’ I took that to mean that you regarded the OPs post as offensive, but you weren’t actually offended.

Just to clarify do you find the OPs posts offensive?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some people catch too many feelings and expect a boring relationship to come out of it.

Personally I think it’s dull to sleep with just one person

Who says you have to sleep with one person in a relationship?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well I guess it was offensive to you.

Maybe read what I wrote instead of guessing.

What has crawled up your arse and died? You really are coming across as angry and aggressive.

Don’t let it get to you , it’s not worth it

Oh it's not. I'm just too hot to sleep

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"He sounds like he's spitting feathers - it surely cannot be as a result of this thread alone."

I would point out the irony of you dismissing things in black and white as ‘my perception’ while ascribing tone to my posts in your head and stating it as fact, but I get the feeling it would be lost on you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well I guess it was offensive to you.

Maybe read what I wrote instead of guessing.

Just to clarify do you find the OPs posts offensive? "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He sounds like he's spitting feathers - it surely cannot be as a result of this thread alone.

Oh bless you, I'm guessing you don't understand concepts such as perception or the use of words "sounds like" and "surely cannot be" if believing they make a sentence factual.

It's fine though, you can always go back to school(ing)

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"My apologies. When you said ‘3) Saying that something is offensive is not the same as being offended.’ I took that to mean that you regarded the OPs post as offensive, but you weren’t actually offended.

Just to clarify do you find the OPs posts offensive? "

His posts are offensive, because he isn’t ‘just asking’ questions. If he was ‘just asking’ he would’ve JUST ASKED why some singles like NSA. Instead he framed it with snide, snarky, negative ‘possibilities’ clearly designed to make him look or feel better about himself.

For me to be offended, though, I would have to give even just a hint of a fuck about what he thinks about my choices. That, however, does not detract from the offensive tone of the posts.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Oh bless you, I'm guessing you don't understand concepts such as perception or the use of words "sounds like" and "surely cannot be" if believing they make a sentence factual.

It's fine though, you can always go back to school(ing)

Oh, bless you for not understanding the difference in meaning when you remove the words ‘to me’. And bless you for trying to hide your ignorance about which word to use by using brackets. I see the irony comes hard and fast with your posts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just to clarify do you find the OPs posts offensive?

For me to be offended, though, I would have to give even just a hint of a fuck about what he thinks about my choices. That, however, does not detract from the offensive tone of the posts."

I never said you were offended. I said you found his comments offensive. I agree he gave some negative suggestions, however I don’t think negative suggestions are a bad thing for the purposes of initiating an interesting discussion. I certainly don’t think he was being snide or anything like that. Guess we have to agree to disagree about his intent. At the end of the day none of us really know what his intent was, and if you have interpreted him wrong then you’ve been quite unkind to him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Just to clarify do you find the OPs posts offensive?

For me to be offended, though, I would have to give even just a hint of a fuck about what he thinks about my choices. That, however, does not detract from the offensive tone of the posts.

It's OK classy. I think dubious probably thinks I'm a cocky womanising cunt. It's quite easy to imagine that of some of the men on here. It doesn't bother me. It's so wide of the mark that I find it funny. Like someone having a go at Marty Feldman for being a pretty boy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mrs

Me too , and I totally get where he is coming from

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By *rNaughtyNickMan over a year ago

Birmingham

Been single a number of years now had my fair share of shitty relationships and heartache so NSA is ideal for me x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why the op struggles to understand that some like nsa and don't want to date. What's difficult to understand?

He struggling to understand why dating sites are not considered a good place to find nsa sex. He’s not struggling to understand why people want nsa sex.

Mrs

That isn't how the op reads

Are you never curious about things? Do you never want to learn something new?

I don't understand NSA either. But my interpretation of it is fuck and go. No feelings, no friendship, nothing. No respect.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Well this degenerated overnight!!

For what it's worth I didn't find anything in the slightest bit offensive in the OP or even some of his later responses.

Back to the question though, I think it may well come down to individual interpretations of what NSA is - in the strictest sense it's meeting someone for sex without any of the commitment of a relationship, plain and simple - but there are many varieties and possibilities beyond that.

As I indicated earlier, to me NSA doesn't have to mean simply "fuck and go", for me to get anything out of it it needs to be more than that, there needs to be a connection and chemistry with the person I'm meeting, as well as some social time to make it fulfilling.

That doesn't mean it's not NSA or that there has to be any kind of commitment as such.

I use the analogy of a bubble to explain it - that when I meet someone I step into a bubble with them where I'm 100% with them for the time I'm in that bubble, but always aware of my life outside the bubble - at the end of the meet I step outside it again and have the memory of my time inside until the next time I meet that person - but the two things don't ever join to become one big bubble.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

after losing my partner I'm just not ready to start dating again,I'm only human so I do miss sex

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"after losing my partner I'm just not ready to start dating again,I'm only human so I do miss sex"

That's totally understandable. I'm sorry that happened to you

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Regarding the general point that it's sex without a relationship. Surely sex with someone always leads to a relationship of sorts with them? It just seems that nsa sex is about negotiating a specific type of relationship ahead of time... I'll fuck you but I won't fall for you. But this seems like an impossible promise to give. Unless it's "I'll fuck you until I fall in love with you and then I'll stop", which just seems like madness... but I guess is understandable if you're married or emotionally unavailable just at this point

I've been regularly fucking one of my dates and to all intents and purposes we're "friends with benefits". But we're both averse to calling it that as it labels it as something it isn't. So we've decided a better label is "lovers for now". I prefer not labelling the relationship as nsa or not nsa. Just let it be whatever it's going to be.

Some guys on this thread seem to be hung up by this... they tell dates they're only looking for sex so they don't lead them on and they seem keen to enter relationships just based on sex. But if you had such a relationship and it was great and you fell in love with each other why wouldn't you let it progress to something more? And if so then clearly you aren't just looking for an nsa fuck... you've just given up on love that's all.

All anyone asks when dating them is that you give them a chance, that you're into them and not just self gratification, and that you're honest with who you are and with them. Someone who goes on a date, says they're looking for love, fucks, then decides to move on isn't a player or a fraud (as long as they meant it)... they tried it out and it didn't work. Fair play. Next

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's wrong with a Nice Sexy Arse?

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"I think dubious probably thinks I'm a cocky womanising cunt."

Straw man.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some just want sex no interaction lots of gals like that too

Bag ‘em and gag ‘em is how we like em

Lol hahahaha cant shut me up

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

The way I see it. The prerequisite for dating a woman appears to be mainly that you're nice to her, engage with her as a person, you're honest with her, and open to relating to her in a way that maybe grows into something lovely. For that... she's willing to put out and have sex with you.

NSA is for men and women who don't need that level of engagement or respect for them to have sex... as they're essentially doing it for their own gratification. Isn't that the case, albeit a bit in black and white?

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"NSA is for men and women who don't need that level of engagement or respect for them to have sex... as they're essentially doing it for their own gratification. Isn't that the case, albeit a bit in black and white? "

No.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Regarding the general point that it's sex without a relationship. Surely sex with someone always leads to a relationship of sorts with them? It just seems that nsa sex is about negotiating a specific type of relationship ahead of time... I'll fuck you but I won't fall for you. But this seems like an impossible promise to give. Unless it's "I'll fuck you until I fall in love with you and then I'll stop", which just seems like madness... but I guess is understandable if you're married or emotionally unavailable just at this point

I think there are degrees of nsa, the letter ‘s’ standing for string. A quick fuck and go will have no strings whatsoever. A FWB relationship will be connected by a few strings. A proper relationship will be have hopefully lots of strings tightly knotted together. Sounds to me OP that you want nsa but with a few connecting strings. That’s probably what a lot of people here are looking for too. I don’t think most people are looking for nsa in the literal sense, where there are no strings at all. I think nsa, in the looser sense of the definition, can be found on both dating sites and swinging sites. But I guess the benefit of looking on a swinging site for singles seeking singles is that the intent for casual sex is more upfront. Though I think some men (none from the forum) use this site because they think it gives instant gratification without having to pay for sex and having to bother with going on a date. For couples though it has to be a swinging site.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like some strings with my sex...they don't have to complicate things.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"The way I see it. The prerequisite for dating a woman appears to be mainly that you're nice to her, engage with her as a person, you're honest with her, and open to relating to her in a way that maybe grows into something lovely. For that... she's willing to put out and have sex with you.

Where I disagree with many of the things you say is the underlying theme in many of your posts that suggest all your interactions with women are designed to get sex. You also imply that women are playing some sort of long game with sex as a bargaining chip and that men need to be a certain way to get the prize.

I don't see things the same way as you but from reading the forums (not this thread in particular) where women demand respectful interaction from men while dangling the carrot of sex in front of them I understand why you and some other men think the way you do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I like some strings with my sex...they don't have to complicate things."

I agree. I think it makes things more real and sexy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm a very sexual person. So if I like a woman I usually want to fuck her at some point. I'm fairly useless with platonic stuff in that way. I think I'm probably good with going platonic after fucking. But not before.

Other than that, concerning your post and classy's, no I'm not looking to fuck women and no I'm not looking for some form of nsa sex. If I fell madly and deep in love with the very next woman I bump into I'd quite happily log off here for good and invest myself in a monogamous relationship with her. I'm just operating under the assumption that that's unlikely to happen just yet. So heading out on dates, exploring new and interesting women, having gorgeous romantic moments, and lots of sex... well that seems like the nicer thing to be doing in the meantime... certainly more enticing than anything nsa as far as I can get my head round it.

Dating is filled with wonderful potential, romance, seduction, adventure. Nsa seems very much like "who wants to fuck me today for 50mins?"... and the advert never feels particularly enticing to me in comparison... no matter what packaging it comes in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I like some strings with my sex...they don't have to complicate things.

I agree. I think it makes things more real and sexy

From what I've seen of your posts...it seems to me you like to complicate everything concerning sex, dating, or relationships.

That's a lot of brainspace for aspects of life that I prefer to keep simple

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get swinging and I get dating... but what is it with singles and nsa sex on here?

Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?

Ahhh now I get it... you're married

Seriously though... I'm a sceptic. Sell me on it. What does it do for you that dating doesn't? Why? Just why?

It's not just guys you know! And yes NSA sex is for everyone not just singles. I'm married but want NSA sex! No hassle, no commitment and no baggage. Fuck and then fuck off! Jay

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why you worried about us others....concentrate on yourself! We all want different things.

Too many idle brains in these forums!!

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"Why you worried about us others....concentrate on yourself! We all want different things.

Too many idle brains in these forums!!"

The very purpose of a forum is to project thoughts , ideas , experiences and so on .

It would be pointless having a forum if no one wrote anything for fear of being told they have an idle brain .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why you worried about us others....concentrate on yourself! We all want different things.

Too many idle brains in these forums!!

The very purpose of a forum is to project thoughts , ideas , experiences and so on .

It would be pointless having a forum if no one wrote anything for fear of being told they have an idle brain ."

I'm just doing my bit for trying to add some colour to this place

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why you worried about us others....concentrate on yourself! We all want different things.

Too many idle brains in these forums!!

The very purpose of a forum is to project thoughts , ideas , experiences and so on .

It would be pointless having a forum if no one wrote anything for fear of being told they have an idle brain ."

Its every topic in these forums...all a load of BS!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I like some strings with my sex...they don't have to complicate things.

I agree. I think it makes things more real and sexy

From what I've seen of your posts...it seems to me you like to complicate everything concerning sex, dating, or relationships.

That's a lot of brainspace for aspects of life that I prefer to keep simple"

See my previous post

This is a place to discuss stuff and cogitate. It's a place to pick stuff apart, over turn conventions, and ask honest probing questions. I'm super chilled and uncomplicated when it comes to sex and relationships in real life. You're only seeing the part of me that gets bored once in a while and likes to stir up a semi decent discussion

I don't fuck like this haha

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By *ools47Woman over a year ago

Failsworth

I don't want to date or have a relationship. I want to have sex. It's really quite simple.

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

Soulful is saying he likes the interaction that goes with developing a romantic attachment ( strings if you like ) , and see nsa as cold , heartless and without meaning .

The singles who are into nsa seem to agree to a degree , but some are convinced that what they have is more than nsa . So it’s the interpretation of what nsa is that needs to be understood I guess .

If I was single and had a fwb who I had nsa sex with where would the friend but be in relation to the nsa ? We have all read about people who have fallen out with their fwb because they have chosen to see others instead of them . But that’s putting strings on isn’t it ? True nsa means neither party should feel compelled to do anything they don’t feel like doing . So if they choose someone over you that should be fine .

As I said , nsa didn’t work for me when I was single . I was more like the op , I found it meaningless , cold and pointless . Hence why I find this thread interesting .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I like some strings with my sex...they don't have to complicate things.

I agree. I think it makes things more real and sexy

From what I've seen of your posts...it seems to me you like to complicate everything concerning sex, dating, or relationships.

That's a lot of brainspace for aspects of life that I prefer to keep simple

See my previous post

I don't fuck like this haha

I can just picture the scene. You strewn on the bed, panting with desire. Me slowly parting your thighs in readiness to lick my wet tongue deep between your yearning pussy lips. Then I sit bolt upright. "My goodness Wellinever! The lips of your pussy are making the most curious geometric configuration. I really must get my ruler so that I can determine the exact nature of it's mathematics"

No. I don't fuck like this at all

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Dating is filled with wonderful potential, romance, seduction, adventure. Nsa seems very much like "who wants to fuck me today for 50mins?"... and the advert never feels particularly enticing to me in comparison... no matter what packaging it comes in "

I think your problem OP is that your personal interpretation/definition of the difference between NSA and dating/relationships is very clear cut and as you've said elsewhere "black and white" - whereas for some people it can be a lot less clear cut than that with crossovers between the two.

Nothing wrong at all with your view that NSA is simply turn up, have sex, then leave - there are plenty that have a similar view - but there are also plenty who see it as more than that and it's that which you appear to be having trouble getting your head round. As Scarlet Seduction said last night maybe you don't have to understand it, as you seem to be trying to do, perhaps just "accept" that others do differently from you.

It's just different flavours of NSA ultimately - as I said earlier there can be any number of interpretations of what it represents to us as individuals.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't want to date or have a relationship. I want to have sex. It's really quite simple."

Ok. I get that. But what would be the attraction for me of just having sex with you rather than dating you?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I like some strings with my sex...they don't have to complicate things.

I agree. I think it makes things more real and sexy

From what I've seen of your posts...it seems to me you like to complicate everything concerning sex, dating, or relationships.

That's a lot of brainspace for aspects of life that I prefer to keep simple

See my previous post

I don't fuck like this haha

No. I don't fuck like this at all

If that's a flavour of how you interact with women in real life...I find it strange

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It's just different flavours of NSA ultimately - as I said earlier there can be any number of interpretations of what it represents to us as individuals."

I know. I know. I'm only carrying on because it's interesting and we haven't yet reached the 175 mark. I've got to say though that, at least in my area, all the women on here seem to be after is sex on their own terms. Combine that with the fact that it's notoriously difficult to meet anyone on here... it takes real effort and dedication... and I simply can't compute doing the required work to get the result of a fuck... when I can really easily get out and date and have a lovely seductive adventure doing so. That's the core "failure to compute" that started this thread... and it's not something that's yet been alleviated by it... at least not for me.

If the singles on Fab can't make a compelling argument for positive reasons as to what nsa has which dating doesn't... doesn't that just heighten the sense that, unless you're married, poly, or emotionally unavailable, the reason for going nsa is likely one of those I suggested in my initial op

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I like some strings with my sex...they don't have to complicate things.

I agree. I think it makes things more real and sexy

From what I've seen of your posts...it seems to me you like to complicate everything concerning sex, dating, or relationships.

That's a lot of brainspace for aspects of life that I prefer to keep simple

See my previous post

I don't fuck like this haha

No. I don't fuck like this at all

If that's a flavour of how you interact with women in real life...I find it strange"

What do you mean? I think you're misjudging me... but I'm curious as to how. Just because I'm happy to explore ideas on an online forum and find mindless "fun" "kiss fuck avoid" threads a bit dull and repetitive... doesn't mean I'm some turgid thinker in real life. I'm actually more of a passionate poet, if I had to define myself. Singer songwriter. Painter. Those things don't really translate well into a forum format... neither does a silent smoldering sexual intensity

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm very wary of guys who claim to be different in real life. It's not consistent at all.

And I also don't understand being all about sex in the quest to get sex.

It's very one dimensional

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I know. I know. I'm only carrying on because it's interesting and we haven't yet reached the 175 mark. I've got to say though that, at least in my area, all the women on here seem to be after is sex on their own terms. Combine that with the fact that it's notoriously difficult to meet anyone on here... it takes real effort and dedication... and I simply can't compute doing the required work to get the result of a fuck... when I can really easily get out and date and have a lovely seductive adventure doing so. That's the core "failure to compute" that started this thread... and it's not something that's yet been alleviated by it... at least not for me.

I think your use of the word "seem" to describe what you think the ladies in your area are looking for could be key here - perhaps it's based on your perception rather than reality. And surely we are all looking for something "on our own terms" anyway and the key is finding someone whose "terms" match yours?

As for it being "notoriously difficult" - it's as difficult as you want to make it, if you take the view that meeting is the be all and end all then yes it may appear "difficult" - if however you take a more laissez-faire approach, all the while presenting your best possible self - then it's not "difficult" at all.

Likewise viewing meeting as "just" being a means to a fuck - I certainly don't see it that way, yes sexual exploration is the main reason the majority of us are here, but it's not the only goal - getting to know and build connections with like minded people and having a good time both socially and sexually but without any commitments is all part of the package for me - and would be regardless of my relationship status.

To answer your last question about what NSA has that dating doesn't - it's more about what it doesn't have which is commitment. That doesn't mean that the reasons you provided in your OP are the ONLY reason people turn to NSA though - they may be relevant for some but not for all.

If you want the hearts and flowers of dating then there's absolutely nothing wrong with that but you have to accept that there are others that may want different

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm very wary of guys who claim to be different in real life. It's not consistent at all.

And I also don't understand being all about sex in the quest to get sex.

It's very one dimensional "

You're weird. There's no way any of what I've written should give off the vibe that I'm just after sex. In fact I've repeatedly said as much. If I was wouldn't I be advocating nsa. And as for being different in real life

I think I made it pretty clear that this is a place for nattering away and that, just because I natter here doesn't mean my life is filled with nattering. Heck how many people currently posting about sex on here are currently talking about sex like this with their family and work mates. Are you wary of them too for being different in real life?

I think you've just decided I'm some guy in your head who you don't like and you're just going with that. I don't really know why though

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Likewise viewing meeting as "just" being a means to a fuck - I certainly don't see it that way, yes sexual exploration is the main reason the majority of us are here, but it's not the only goal - getting to know and build connections with like minded people and having a good time both socially and sexually but without any commitments is all part of the package for me - and would be regardless of my relationship status."

If all the women in my area write status updates saying stuff like "looking for a vwe cock to fuck me today" you can't blame me for thinking they "seem" pretty into self gratification. But you're right... I haven't asked

This paragraph came close to something nice. If nsa led to multiple sexy friendships with a super chilled way about them... something almost hippy... then yes I could definitely see the attraction of that. Perhaps that's what you've found in a way Gemini (or made). If so good on you dude

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

In the interests of seeing it from your perspective I've just done a quick search for women within 20 miles of your location based on your preferred age ranges and there were over 300 responses - having done a quick scroll through the first couple of pages and I didn't see one status update along the lines you suggest but did see a few that suggested they were looking for "the one" or "just one guy for fun times together" so perhaps you're not looking hard enough

Seriously though - there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and you should never compromise in the search for it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dislike the way you present yourself and your ideas based on what I've read.

I don't see what's really weird about that considering on a medium such as this, it's really the only way we have available to come to a conclusion about what someone is about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Seriously though - there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and you should never compromise in the search for it

Busted!!

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"...what would be the attraction for me of just having sex with you rather than dating you? "

This is the problem. You claim that you want to understand, but refuse to even try looking at the problem from any perspective other than your own. The question you need to ask is, “What is the attraction in dating if you do not want any sort of committed, long term relationship?”

And that’s it, in a nutshell. Other people are not looking for what you are looking for. And there is no need, as you persist in doing, in describing what others look for in such negative, condescending terms.

You also don’t get to claim to wellinever that you’ve never said that you’re looking for sex when you explicitly point out that you ‘are a sexual person’, want to have sex with pretty much any woman you like, and are intentionally meeting women you’re attracted to as often as possible.

While it’s obviously wonderful if it is the case, I find it hard to believe, in the circumstances, that none of the women you’ve fucked were under the impression that it meant something more.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Soulful is saying he likes the interaction that goes with developing a romantic attachment ( strings if you like ) , and see nsa as cold , heartless and without meaning .

As I said , nsa didn’t work for me when I was single . I was more like the op , I found it meaningless , cold and pointless . Hence why I find this thread interesting .

NSA IS meaningless, cold and pointless. There are also many posts on here from ladies (especially) who have claimed they felt "degraded", "like a soiled hankie", "used like a hooker" after NSA sex ..could go on with.many past posts but you get the idea.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh bless you, I'm guessing you don't understand concepts such as perception or the use of words "sounds like" and "surely cannot be" if believing they make a sentence factual.

It's fine though, you can always go back to school(ing)

You are funny, especially when convinced you're right. The (ing) was a simple addition to prevent you spouting some rubbish about schools as opposed to education - it worked ??

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"NSA IS meaningless, cold and pointless. There are also many posts on here from ladies (especially) who have claimed they felt "degraded", "like a soiled hankie", "used like a hooker" after NSA sex ..could go on with.many past posts but you get the idea. "

How very selective and blinkered of you. There are also plenty posts from people who enjoy it. There are also plenty of examples of people feeling ‘degraded’, ‘like a soiled hankie’ or ‘used like a hooker’ after having sex when they thought that there was something more to it, like the circumstances the OP describes.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"You are funny, especially when convinced you're right. The (ing) was a simple addition to prevent you spouting some rubbish about schools as opposed to education - it worked ?? "

It didn’t work, and nor did your emoji. Regarding being convinced I’m right, I’ve got the dictionary on my side. You’ve got... what? An idea of what you think words might mean? I’ll stick to mine, thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"...what would be the attraction for me of just having sex with you rather than dating you?

Is it a fact that the OP is condescending or is it your opinion? You see I don’t find him condescending at all, which shows that we all perceive things differently. I wonder what your reaction would be if I were to tell you that I find some of your posts quite rude and condescending. Would you self reflect as to why you had had that effect on someone? Or would you tell me I’m wrong? Or would you tell me you don’t care that you have come across as rude and condescending? I also don’t think you are correct when you say that the OP has refused to listen to other people perspective. I can point to many of his posts that demonstrate he is listening and learning.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

thought it meant

No Socks Allowed

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By *rnortholtMan over a year ago

Waveney Valley

I meet couples as well as singles so a dating site would be of limited use. Also, I like to meet the same people again if we get on - without a hint of anything long-term. NSA doesn't just mean casual, one night.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m 100% single and am not looking for a relationship or to date anyone, hence why I joined here and not POF or Tinder.

I want NSA, I want to meet likeminded people, explore them sexually and try new things. I don’t get what’s so hard to understand about that?

I don’t want to be going on dates with several different men, who don’t know what they want, or are far too intense (I’ve done this & this is what made me realise I’m after NSA).

I want to have sex with no strings and enjoy it.

Everyone has a different interpretation of NSA no doubt, so I think it would be silly to try to understand someone else’s reasoning as to why they do things.

I don’t find NSA cold or pointless personally, I thoroughly enjoy it, when I’m ready to date I’ll do so, but right now no thanks!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Absolutely agree.

Some may find NSA cold, pointless and meaningless because they’re looking for more, hence why they felt used.

But that can happen on dating sites too, I’m sure we’ve all heard a story from a friend, relative or even on here where they’ve been on a dating site looking for more, only to have sex with the person and feel “used” because that’s all they wanted.

This is why I stopped using dating sites, I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking I want more than sex, that’s where Fab comes in!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm very wary of guys who claim to be different in real life. It's not consistent at all.

And I also don't understand being all about sex in the quest to get sex.

It's very one dimensional

I think you've just decided I'm some guy in your head who you don't like and you're just going with that. I don't really know why though "

Perhaps the poster wasn't aiming her post at a particular person?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's my opinion and I'm entitled to it like you are yours. Hence why I'm posting on this forum which allows everyone's views. However I do agree with.you on one point that many folk feel like I described in long term relationships too! Should have added that.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Is it a fact that the OP is condescending or is it your opinion? You see I don’t find him condescending at all, which shows that we all perceive things differently."

You’re unlikely to see the condescension when you’re not on the receiving end of it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You are funny, especially when convinced you're right. The (ing) was a simple addition to prevent you spouting some rubbish about schools as opposed to education - it worked ??

So your dictionary tells you facts about what other people state? Example: You believe the OP has been offensive - oh hang on that's MY point: You believe = your interpretation = your perception

Btw dictionaries have different meanings to their words, sometimes due to context.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"...what would be the attraction for me of just having sex with you rather than dating you?

Mrs"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it a fact that the OP is condescending or is it your opinion? You see I don’t find him condescending at all, which shows that we all perceive things differently.

You’re unlikely to see the condescension when you’re not on the receiving end of it."

Why can you not simply state it's your opinion? Are you frightened it holds less weight?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it a fact that the OP is condescending or is it your opinion? You see I don’t find him condescending at all, which shows that we all perceive things differently.

You’re unlikely to see the condescension when you’re not on the receiving end of it."

On the contrary I’m extremely good at recognising condescension that is not aimed at me. That’s why I frequently stick up for people on the forums who I feel have been on the receiving end of condescending comments. That being said, much of what the OP says about nsa sex is very much aimed at me, as I am someone who attends clubs and will have a fuck and go. But it doesn’t bother me that he expresses that what I sometimes like is not something he understands. I enjoy the discussion. I don’t think he should be told off for starting these discussions because some people enjoy the discussions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get swinging and I get dating... but what is it with singles and nsa sex on here?

Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?

Ahhh now I get it... you're married

Seriously though... I'm a sceptic. Sell me on it. What does it do for you that dating doesn't? Why? Just why?

I’m all those thing

dating is a hassle and something I have no patience for. If a guy dropped into my lap, fair enough!

I’m not looking for a suitable guy to date so couldn’t say which is easier; I was stressing that for me dating isn’t an option. I find your attitude to women condescending at times and many references to ‘women’ group us all under generally statements.

I agree with Gemini’s posts: NSA is black and white. This is a swingers site and if used as such would lead to a range of meets/ arrangements that meet people’s sexual needs. Therefore, by nature, swingers are engaging in NSA. As a single on here I use it as a swinging site not a dating site.

Regarding ‘chocolate box’ culture among women - can you clarify what exactly you mean by this? To me it sounds like you don’t like the fact that women choose the meets they want, which leaves me perplexed to what exactly you want them to do?!?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry...

* NSA ISNT Black n white

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get swinging and I get dating... but what is it with singles and nsa sex on here?

Are you good looking but just too interminably dull to pull off dating? Do you suffer from a phobia of commitment? Are you too skint to fork out for an escort? Are you undateable?

Ahhh now I get it... you're married

Seriously though... I'm a sceptic. Sell me on it. What does it do for you that dating doesn't? Why? Just why?

I’m all those thing

dating is a hassle and something I have no patience for. If a guy dropped into my lap, fair enough!

Agree with everything you’ve said.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dear god!

If a women ‘puts out’ because you’ve treated her well I’d be worried. I prefer to think of it as a mutual fuck /sex because you like each other, because there’s a connection there.

Regarding NSA, for me, there has always got to be respect. I don’t do ‘hit n runs’ as they don’t attract me: some level of social engagement would be needed too.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"So your dictionary tells you facts about what other people state? Example: You believe the OP has been offensive - oh hang on that's MY point: You believe = your interpretation = your perception"

No, my dictionary tells me the difference between ‘offensive’ and ‘offended’, as I explained them earlier. You seemed to think that was something to do with my perception. I didn’t say, “I believe,” anything. If the only way you can win an argument is to put words into others mouths, you’ve lost the argument.

"Btw dictionaries have different meanings to their words, sometimes due to context."

They do, yes. But, as with so many of your points, that’s got fuck all to do with what I was saying.

"Why can you not simply state it's your opinion? Are you frightened it holds less weight?"

I’m not frightened of anything.

"On the contrary I’m extremely good at recognising condescension that is not aimed at me. That’s why I frequently stick up for people on the forums who I feel have been on the receiving end of condescending comments. That being said, much of what the OP says about nsa sex is very much aimed at me, as I am someone who attends clubs and will have a fuck and go. But it doesn’t bother me that he expresses that what I sometimes like is not something he understands. I enjoy the discussion. I don’t think he should be told off for starting these discussions because some people enjoy the discussions."

His remarks weren’t aimed at you, though, because he was specifically and explicitly talking about single people. You are in a relationship. He was being snarky about singles who don’t want that.

And I wasn’t telling him off about starting a thread. I was taking issue with his various choices of phrase, all of which targeted singles looking for something different in a particularly barbed manner.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)