FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Couldn't do monogamy ever again
Couldn't do monogamy ever again
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I sometimes see people write this here. Why? You can't imagine anyone ever being enough for you? You can't trust yourself not to succumb to the allure of others? You got too hurt and don't want to ever put all your eggs in one basket again?
I'm curious to find out what the story behind this common assertion is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me I don't enjoy monogamy. Firstly I'm bi. I want to indulge that side. Secondly I have a lot of friends from swinging. And thirdly I tried to give it up and found myself in a unhappy relationship. It's part of me and any partner needs to accept that. I will however follow rules they set. |
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"Monogamy is not natural for a lot of people, myself included. Life is too short to struggle to be something you are not."
This basically. It takes energy to fight your nature. I choose to save my energy for better uses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore."
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around. |
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around. "
Everyone except the people that don't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I can completely see why someone who is bi wouldn't want to be monogamous  But why the others? I just don't understand what the issue is. Is it on your side (i.e you just couldn't stop yourself from wanting to fuck other people or you won't ever allow anyone to get that close again and have them cheat on you)? Or is it on the other side (i.e you couldn't imagine one person ever being enough for you)? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't. "
Fair point.   |
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point. "
About 30%-40% if you're interested |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point. "
Made by a swinger  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sometimes see people write this here. Why? You can't imagine anyone ever being enough for you? You can't trust yourself not to succumb to the allure of others? You got too hurt and don't want to ever put all your eggs in one basket again?
I'm curious to find out what the story behind this common assertion is "
It doesn’t necessarily have to be because of a negative viewpoint of relationships. I do t think I could be with a guy and give up sleeping with women. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested "
You and your statistics  What's the bet these are the ugly bods who didn't have the option to fuck around or they lack a libido |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested "
30-40% are monogamous? That's much higher than I expected. You cheered me up a bit thank you. xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I sometimes see people write this here. Why? You can't imagine anyone ever being enough for you? You can't trust yourself not to succumb to the allure of others? You got too hurt and don't want to ever put all your eggs in one basket again?
I'm curious to find out what the story behind this common assertion is
It doesn’t necessarily have to be because of a negative viewpoint of relationships. I do t think I could be with a guy and give up sleeping with women. "
I agree. I think being bi is a suitable explanation for not wanting to be monogamous |
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"I can completely see why someone who is bi wouldn't want to be monogamous But why the others? I just don't understand what the issue is. Is it on your side (i.e you just couldn't stop yourself from wanting to fuck other people or you won't ever allow anyone to get that close again and have them cheat on you)? Or is it on the other side (i.e you couldn't imagine one person ever being enough for you)? "
Let's try the Socratic method shall we. Imagine you sincerely believed that you were gay and that people who took it up the chuff or put it up another mans chuff, would go to hell. Could you live a celibate lifestyle if you sincerely believed your enternal soul was at risk if you didn't? But you also seriously wanted some dick and had daydreams about dick sandwich all the time.
You probably could do it. What would it be like? -fucking miserable. Can you get the anology or not? |
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested
You and your statistics What's the bet these are the ugly bods who didn't have the option to fuck around or they lack a libido "
Not at all, it's because there has never been a time where only one reproductive strategy could be successful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
Made by a swinger "
Yeah which is odd because I'd think a swinger would try and slate monogamy but he wasn't. That's pretty cool. Not *all* swingers are horrible. 
Crikey did someone spike my drink?  |
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested
30-40% are monogamous? That's much higher than I expected. You cheered me up a bit thank you. xx"
About that, yes. There is no single way that our ancestors lived. Some did well out of monogamy and some did well out of polygamy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested
30-40% are monogamous? That's much higher than I expected. You cheered me up a bit thank you. xx"
No that's not what he's saying. As usual he's using statistics which need putting in the context of their studies to try and say something overly simplistic which doesn't actually work for them. I'd hazard a guess this is simply the number of people asked in certain studies (of which culture unknown) who said they hadn't fucked other people. That's just a monogamous outcome. It doesn't tell you anything about whether they tried, didn't have the option to, are completely asexual anyway, etc etc |
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By *ucy83SOWoman
over a year ago
Southampton |
I think with the right person I could be monogamous, however I have a high sex drive so I'd need to find someone with a similar sexual appetite.
I actually think my ideal would be to have a swinging relationship, best of both worlds. However I'm realistic and know its very hard to find someone to actually have that connection with & have the trust to have that but still hope one day, I might meet Mr Right.
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By *arshellCouple
over a year ago
Mansfield |
You don't have to restrict yourself to just one sexual partner for the rest of your life, if you enjoy the swinging lifestyle wouldn't 'the one' share that enjoyment?
You can enjoy sex with others, guilt free if there is honesty in a relationship and your other half is happy to do it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can completely see why someone who is bi wouldn't want to be monogamous But why the others? I just don't understand what the issue is. Is it on your side (i.e you just couldn't stop yourself from wanting to fuck other people or you won't ever allow anyone to get that close again and have them cheat on you)? Or is it on the other side (i.e you couldn't imagine one person ever being enough for you)?
Let's try the Socratic method shall we. Imagine you sincerely believed that you were gay and that people who took it up the chuff or put it up another mans chuff, would go to hell. Could you live a celibate lifestyle if you sincerely believed your enternal soul was at risk if you didn't? But you also seriously wanted some dick and had daydreams about dick sandwich all the time.
You probably could do it. What would it be like? -fucking miserable. Can you get the anology or not? "
So I'm guessing from this that for you it's the "you just couldn't stop yourself from wanting to fuck other people" reason. That's honestly what you seem to be saying Sorry if that sounds harsh. Just trying to cut down to the nub of it |
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested
30-40% are monogamous? That's much higher than I expected. You cheered me up a bit thank you. xx
No that's not what he's saying. As usual he's using statistics which need putting in the context of their studies to try and say something overly simplistic which doesn't actually work for them. I'd hazard a guess this is simply the number of people asked in certain studies (of which culture unknown) who said they hadn't fucked other people. That's just a monogamous outcome. It doesn't tell you anything about whether they tried, didn't have the option to, are completely asexual anyway, etc etc"
Wrong as normal |
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"I can completely see why someone who is bi wouldn't want to be monogamous But why the others? I just don't understand what the issue is. Is it on your side (i.e you just couldn't stop yourself from wanting to fuck other people or you won't ever allow anyone to get that close again and have them cheat on you)? Or is it on the other side (i.e you couldn't imagine one person ever being enough for you)?
Let's try the Socratic method shall we. Imagine you sincerely believed that you were gay and that people who took it up the chuff or put it up another mans chuff, would go to hell. Could you live a celibate lifestyle if you sincerely believed your enternal soul was at risk if you didn't? But you also seriously wanted some dick and had daydreams about dick sandwich all the time.
You probably could do it. What would it be like? -fucking miserable. Can you get the anology or not?
So I'm guessing from this that for you it's the "you just couldn't stop yourself from wanting to fuck other people" reason. That's honestly what you seem to be saying Sorry if that sounds harsh. Just trying to cut down to the nub of it "
That's accurate. I could pretend i don't want to fuck other people and i could try and suppress it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can completely see why someone who is bi wouldn't want to be monogamous But why the others? I just don't understand what the issue is. Is it on your side (i.e you just couldn't stop yourself from wanting to fuck other people or you won't ever allow anyone to get that close again and have them cheat on you)? Or is it on the other side (i.e you couldn't imagine one person ever being enough for you)? "
I can see the question that you’re asking but I do think that you’re putting a very negative stance on it. It’s not about negativity mainly, at least for me. I enjoy the openness that swinging brings, there’s a positivity in it.
Personally I couldn’t go back to monogamy again, not because I’m bi, not because I worry about cheating; it’s because I enjoy sharing that aspect of things with a significant other |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can completely see why someone who is bi wouldn't want to be monogamous But why the others? I just don't understand what the issue is. Is it on your side (i.e you just couldn't stop yourself from wanting to fuck other people or you won't ever allow anyone to get that close again and have them cheat on you)? Or is it on the other side (i.e you couldn't imagine one person ever being enough for you)?
I can see the question that you’re asking but I do think that you’re putting a very negative stance on it. It’s not about negativity mainly, at least for me. I enjoy the openness that swinging brings, there’s a positivity in it.
Personally I couldn’t go back to monogamy again, not because I’m bi, not because I worry about cheating; it’s because I enjoy sharing that aspect of things with a significant other"
Another really good answer |
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"I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it? "
What if you have kids with the person you're wearing thin on? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested
30-40% are monogamous? That's much higher than I expected. You cheered me up a bit thank you. xx
No that's not what he's saying. As usual he's using statistics which need putting in the context of their studies to try and say something overly simplistic which doesn't actually work for them. I'd hazard a guess this is simply the number of people asked in certain studies (of which culture unknown) who said they hadn't fucked other people. That's just a monogamous outcome. It doesn't tell you anything about whether they tried, didn't have the option to, are completely asexual anyway, etc etc"
I know... I hate stats because you can make them 'prove' anything. The study could have just been with a sample group of 10 very religious people over 70. Or a sample group of 1,000,000 across different cultures and ages. Dunno.
It was more the fact that I took his comment as being a positive response to my negative post and I appreciated that. Especially as I was a bitch to him last week which was uncalled for and I apologise for.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested
30-40% are monogamous? That's much higher than I expected. You cheered me up a bit thank you. xx
No that's not what he's saying. As usual he's using statistics which need putting in the context of their studies to try and say something overly simplistic which doesn't actually work for them. I'd hazard a guess this is simply the number of people asked in certain studies (of which culture unknown) who said they hadn't fucked other people. That's just a monogamous outcome. It doesn't tell you anything about whether they tried, didn't have the option to, are completely asexual anyway, etc etc
Wrong as normal "
You know as much as I that stats out of context can be used to say anything. Your stats could refer to people who ended up being monogamous, people who claimed to want to be monogamous, people who only had one partner for their entire life, etc etc. Maybe you could give us more of the context |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fucking other people wasn’t something I was interested in when we got married, and my husband is the only man for me. Occasionally having an extra man (or 2 :D) or a couple, well it’s all just extra curricular fun I don’t need to fuck other men, but it’s something we both enjoy so may as well haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested
30-40% are monogamous? That's much higher than I expected. You cheered me up a bit thank you. xx
No that's not what he's saying. As usual he's using statistics which need putting in the context of their studies to try and say something overly simplistic which doesn't actually work for them. I'd hazard a guess this is simply the number of people asked in certain studies (of which culture unknown) who said they hadn't fucked other people. That's just a monogamous outcome. It doesn't tell you anything about whether they tried, didn't have the option to, are completely asexual anyway, etc etc
I know... I hate stats because you can make them 'prove' anything. The study could have just been with a sample group of 10 very religious people over 70. Or a sample group of 1,000,000 across different cultures and ages. Dunno.
It was more the fact that I took his comment as being a positive response to my negative post and I appreciated that. Especially as I was a bitch to him last week which was uncalled for and I apologise for.
"
Steel! Don't be emotionally open with broken. He's like Spock. He'll tilt his head and say "most illogical" |
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested
30-40% are monogamous? That's much higher than I expected. You cheered me up a bit thank you. xx
No that's not what he's saying. As usual he's using statistics which need putting in the context of their studies to try and say something overly simplistic which doesn't actually work for them. I'd hazard a guess this is simply the number of people asked in certain studies (of which culture unknown) who said they hadn't fucked other people. That's just a monogamous outcome. It doesn't tell you anything about whether they tried, didn't have the option to, are completely asexual anyway, etc etc
I know... I hate stats because you can make them 'prove' anything. The study could have just been with a sample group of 10 very religious people over 70. Or a sample group of 1,000,000 across different cultures and ages. Dunno.
It was more the fact that I took his comment as being a positive response to my negative post and I appreciated that. Especially as I was a bitch to him last week which was uncalled for and I apologise for.
"
Aww shucks, don't worry - I'm a dick to the OP all the time.
Firstly, you really can't prove anything with statistics. You can try but anyone remotely qualified would instantly see through the bullshit.
Secondly, there are about 4 major studies of infidelity (that i found) that all found that kind of range. They used different methods (anonymous self reporting being the most honest) and different definitions of cheating. So those are people in relationships who do or don't cheat.
But we also know about people who are not in relationships because we know about biology, psychology and evolution. To believe that everyone is a cheater or everyone is monogamous then you have to believe in a single successful reproductive stratgey. Which is just counter to all the evidence we have. So broadly speaking, we know what reproductive strategies have been good and bad in history and we know that those traits get passed down. So we know roughly what proportion of the population are naturally predisposed towards monogamy and those who aren't. It also matches up rather well with the data about people who get into monogamous relationships and don't act monogamously.
In conclusion, there are definately men and woman who do not want to cheat in a relationship. |
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"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested
30-40% are monogamous? That's much higher than I expected. You cheered me up a bit thank you. xx
No that's not what he's saying. As usual he's using statistics which need putting in the context of their studies to try and say something overly simplistic which doesn't actually work for them. I'd hazard a guess this is simply the number of people asked in certain studies (of which culture unknown) who said they hadn't fucked other people. That's just a monogamous outcome. It doesn't tell you anything about whether they tried, didn't have the option to, are completely asexual anyway, etc etc
Wrong as normal
You know as much as I that stats out of context can be used to say anything. Your stats could refer to people who ended up being monogamous, people who claimed to want to be monogamous, people who only had one partner for their entire life, etc etc. Maybe you could give us more of the context"
Not true, read my reply to steel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sometimes see people write this here. Why? You can't imagine anyone ever being enough for you? You can't trust yourself not to succumb to the allure of others? You got too hurt and don't want to ever put all your eggs in one basket again?
I'm curious to find out what the story behind this common assertion is "
I'm not a swinger but I do understand it. Or maybe I'm a swinger in denial, I don't know.
My opinion on it- the feeling of sharing your partner with someone else, sharing the excitement of fantastic sex- it's amazing. Reminiscing about it together afterwards. Your shared 'secret'. The sex when it's just the two of you again. It's incredibly intense and makes you feel very very close.
The trust is amazing. You're fucking someone else but still go back to each other. After sharing that with the right person it would be impossible to give up and go back to monagamy.
I realise other people will have different views on swinging, those are just my experience of it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it?
What if you have kids with the person you're wearing thin on? "
Do as nature intended. Move on to the next relationship. Share the kids. And see if it develops into an extended family, whether polyamorous or not |
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"I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it?
What if you have kids with the person you're wearing thin on?
Do as nature intended. Move on to the next relationship. Share the kids. And see if it develops into an extended family, whether polyamorous or not "
There's nothing natural about that. Would you like some stats about how badly children do when their parents divorce? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I'm not a swinger but I do understand it. Or maybe I'm a swinger in denial, I don't know.
My opinion on it- the feeling of sharing your partner with someone else, sharing the excitement of fantastic sex- it's amazing. Reminiscing about it together afterwards. Your shared 'secret'. The sex when it's just the two of you again. It's incredibly intense and makes you feel very very close.
The trust is amazing. You're fucking someone else but still go back to each other. After sharing that with the right person it would be impossible to give up and go back to monagamy.
I realise other people will have different views on swinging, those are just my experience of it. "
Yep, this is spot on! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I sometimes see people write this here. Why? You can't imagine anyone ever being enough for you? You can't trust yourself not to succumb to the allure of others? You got too hurt and don't want to ever put all your eggs in one basket again?
I'm curious to find out what the story behind this common assertion is
I'm not a swinger but I do understand it. Or maybe I'm a swinger in denial, I don't know.
My opinion on it- the feeling of sharing your partner with someone else, sharing the excitement of fantastic sex- it's amazing. Reminiscing about it together afterwards. Your shared 'secret'. The sex when it's just the two of you again. It's incredibly intense and makes you feel very very close.
The trust is amazing. You're fucking someone else but still go back to each other. After sharing that with the right person it would be impossible to give up and go back to monagamy.
I realise other people will have different views on swinging, those are just my experience of it. "
That's a great answer Steel. But I think you'd agree that it's highly dependent upon a particular person. If you were with such a person and then you became single again I can imagine wanting to find a similar person again. But if you fell in love with someone who wasn't into it you wouldn't force it on them right? Would you walk away? Would it be a deal breaker? It wouldn't for me |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
Depends on your view of monogamy.
If I am in a loving relationship then emotionally I am monogamous. I have no desire to chit chat to others either on fab or my phone. My feelings are for one person. I couldn’t (I think) have a polyamorous relationship for that reason.
But. Sexually if either me or my partner wants to fuck someone else or we want to have some fun at a club then that is absolutely fine, positively encouraged. I know I probably would still have days I fancied clubbing. I had a relationship with a bi man so obviously there were times he fancied other guys. But I would be terribly upset if he started WhatsApp-Ing and chit chatting with others.
Plus I really dislike “I’m never doing that” or “I will always fo this”. Emotions, feelings, sexuality.... it’s all very fluid. What is ok one day might not be ok the next. You can only really make decisions in the present (or near future). I think if you try to set rules in stone you end up unhappy because you’re eventually going you break them.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I sometimes see people write this here. Why? You can't imagine anyone ever being enough for you? You can't trust yourself not to succumb to the allure of others? You got too hurt and don't want to ever put all your eggs in one basket again?
I'm curious to find out what the story behind this common assertion is
I'm not a swinger but I do understand it. Or maybe I'm a swinger in denial, I don't know.
My opinion on it- the feeling of sharing your partner with someone else, sharing the excitement of fantastic sex- it's amazing. Reminiscing about it together afterwards. Your shared 'secret'. The sex when it's just the two of you again. It's incredibly intense and makes you feel very very close.
The trust is amazing. You're fucking someone else but still go back to each other. After sharing that with the right person it would be impossible to give up and go back to monagamy.
I realise other people will have different views on swinging, those are just my experience of it.
That's a great answer Steel. But I think you'd agree that it's highly dependent upon a particular person. If you were with such a person and then you became single again I can imagine wanting to find a similar person again. But if you fell in love with someone who wasn't into it you wouldn't force it on them right? Would you walk away? Would it be a deal breaker? It wouldn't for me "
Maybe the people you refer to in your OP *would* walk away from someone that didn't want to swing. They love the excitement too much to give it up and would rather 'swing' as a single.
I agree for me it would be dependent on the person.
Anyway I'm being far too emotionally open and I'm stone cold sober. You and Broken clearly bring out the worst in me. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it?
What if you have kids with the person you're wearing thin on?
Do as nature intended. Move on to the next relationship. Share the kids. And see if it develops into an extended family, whether polyamorous or not
There's nothing natural about that. Would you like some stats about how badly children do when their parents divorce?"
You're mixing scenarios. Stats on how children of divorced people fare in civilised societies is hardly going to be a good measure of whether something is natural or not.
A far better measure is the nature of the heart. The heart, left to its own devices, will exit a relationship that's not working and seek another. But it'll want the former relationship to work as well as possible for the sake of the children. And that impulse may eventually lead to a rekindling of love. Hence the impulse towards extended families and possibly polyamory. The heart has no impulse to maintain unloving relationships by fucking other people for a set of complex rationalisations about the social standing of the children |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I sometimes see people write this here. Why? You can't imagine anyone ever being enough for you? You can't trust yourself not to succumb to the allure of others? You got too hurt and don't want to ever put all your eggs in one basket again?
I'm curious to find out what the story behind this common assertion is
I'm not a swinger but I do understand it. Or maybe I'm a swinger in denial, I don't know.
My opinion on it- the feeling of sharing your partner with someone else, sharing the excitement of fantastic sex- it's amazing. Reminiscing about it together afterwards. Your shared 'secret'. The sex when it's just the two of you again. It's incredibly intense and makes you feel very very close.
The trust is amazing. You're fucking someone else but still go back to each other. After sharing that with the right person it would be impossible to give up and go back to monagamy.
I realise other people will have different views on swinging, those are just my experience of it.
That's a great answer Steel. But I think you'd agree that it's highly dependent upon a particular person. If you were with such a person and then you became single again I can imagine wanting to find a similar person again. But if you fell in love with someone who wasn't into it you wouldn't force it on them right? Would you walk away? Would it be a deal breaker? It wouldn't for me
Maybe the people you refer to in your OP *would* walk away from someone that didn't want to swing. They love the excitement too much to give it up and would rather 'swing' as a single.
I agree for me it would be dependent on the person.
Anyway I'm being far too emotionally open and I'm stone cold sober. You and Broken clearly bring out the worst in me. x"
Get this woman a drink! |
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"I sometimes see people write this here. Why? You can't imagine anyone ever being enough for you? You can't trust yourself not to succumb to the allure of others? You got too hurt and don't want to ever put all your eggs in one basket again?
I'm curious to find out what the story behind this common assertion is
I'm not a swinger but I do understand it. Or maybe I'm a swinger in denial, I don't know.
My opinion on it- the feeling of sharing your partner with someone else, sharing the excitement of fantastic sex- it's amazing. Reminiscing about it together afterwards. Your shared 'secret'. The sex when it's just the two of you again. It's incredibly intense and makes you feel very very close.
The trust is amazing. You're fucking someone else but still go back to each other. After sharing that with the right person it would be impossible to give up and go back to monagamy.
I realise other people will have different views on swinging, those are just my experience of it. "
You’ve got it !
This explains exactly why we love swinging and have no intention of stopping it |
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"I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it?
What if you have kids with the person you're wearing thin on?
Do as nature intended. Move on to the next relationship. Share the kids. And see if it develops into an extended family, whether polyamorous or not
There's nothing natural about that. Would you like some stats about how badly children do when their parents divorce?
You're mixing scenarios. Stats on how children of divorced people fare in civilised societies is hardly going to be a good measure of whether something is natural or not.
A far better measure is the nature of the heart. The heart, left to its own devices, will exit a relationship that's not working and seek another. But it'll want the former relationship to work as well as possible for the sake of the children. And that impulse may eventually lead to a rekindling of love. Hence the impulse towards extended families and possibly polyamory. The heart has no impulse to maintain unloving relationships by fucking other people for a set of complex rationalisations about the social standing of the children "
Utter drivel. So the person criticising my statistics counters with "the nature of the heart" 
I think you seriously need to read less 21st centuary dating books and a bit more history.
Your capacity for serial monogamy developed because historically, your spouse had a pretty high chance of dying, not least of all in childbirth. You needed to be able to procreate if you're spouse died, not if you just went through a rough patch. There was no period in history where couples routinely split up because they were fucked off with each other but shared the kids at weekends. Polyamory has never worked on any kind of scale either.
The most common martial arrangement in all cultures in polygamy. So i dare venture that a man getting some sexual variety did a lot to keep the warmth in many relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Depends on your view of monogamy.
If I am in a loving relationship then emotionally I am monogamous. I have no desire to chit chat to others either on fab or my phone. My feelings are for one person. I couldn’t (I think) have a polyamorous relationship for that reason.
But. Sexually if either me or my partner wants to fuck someone else or we want to have some fun at a club then that is absolutely fine, positively encouraged. I know I probably would still have days I fancied clubbing. I had a relationship with a bi man so obviously there were times he fancied other guys. But I would be terribly upset if he started WhatsApp-Ing and chit chatting with others.
Plus I really dislike “I’m never doing that” or “I will always fo this”. Emotions, feelings, sexuality.... it’s all very fluid. What is ok one day might not be ok the next. You can only really make decisions in the present (or near future). I think if you try to set rules in stone you end up unhappy because you’re eventually going you break them.
V x "
I totally agree with the whole "I'm never doing that" thing. Pretty much tempts fate doesn't it. It's like when someone says that in a movie. You just know that they're going to cut to them doing precisely that.
I'd like to think I'm entirely capable of holding down a monogamous relationship. I'm a faithful guy who's quite capable of falling deeply and madly in love with someone. If they're monogamous I'm happy to do that. But if they're not I'm also happy to do that... just as long as it's a positive part of our relationship |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it?
What if you have kids with the person you're wearing thin on?
Do as nature intended. Move on to the next relationship. Share the kids. And see if it develops into an extended family, whether polyamorous or not
There's nothing natural about that. Would you like some stats about how badly children do when their parents divorce?
You're mixing scenarios. Stats on how children of divorced people fare in civilised societies is hardly going to be a good measure of whether something is natural or not.
A far better measure is the nature of the heart. The heart, left to its own devices, will exit a relationship that's not working and seek another. But it'll want the former relationship to work as well as possible for the sake of the children. And that impulse may eventually lead to a rekindling of love. Hence the impulse towards extended families and possibly polyamory. The heart has no impulse to maintain unloving relationships by fucking other people for a set of complex rationalisations about the social standing of the children
Utter drivel. So the person criticising my statistics counters with "the nature of the heart"
I think you seriously need to read less 21st centuary dating books and a bit more history.
Your capacity for serial monogamy developed because historically, your spouse had a pretty high chance of dying, not least of all in childbirth. You needed to be able to procreate if you're spouse died, not if you just went through a rough patch. There was no period in history where couples routinely split up because they were fucked off with each other but shared the kids at weekends. Polyamory has never worked on any kind of scale either.
The most common martial arrangement in all cultures in polygamy. So i dare venture that a man getting some sexual variety did a lot to keep the warmth in many relationships. "
Dude! You look at things so backwards sometimes I didn't "develop the ability for serial monogamy" due to anything. The heart yearns for love. When that love goes, for whatever reason, it looks elsewhere. I can imagine you with sellotaped glasses looking at yer petri dishes haha. I do enjoy your input immensely. But I find it amusing that you think it's so realistic when it often isn't |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I like the variety of people I meet and the fun and friendship that some bring too. I’m not sure I could do monogamy but for the right person I would play within the confines of a relationship either together as a couple or separately with permission.
|
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"I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it?
What if you have kids with the person you're wearing thin on?
Do as nature intended. Move on to the next relationship. Share the kids. And see if it develops into an extended family, whether polyamorous or not
There's nothing natural about that. Would you like some stats about how badly children do when their parents divorce?
You're mixing scenarios. Stats on how children of divorced people fare in civilised societies is hardly going to be a good measure of whether something is natural or not.
A far better measure is the nature of the heart. The heart, left to its own devices, will exit a relationship that's not working and seek another. But it'll want the former relationship to work as well as possible for the sake of the children. And that impulse may eventually lead to a rekindling of love. Hence the impulse towards extended families and possibly polyamory. The heart has no impulse to maintain unloving relationships by fucking other people for a set of complex rationalisations about the social standing of the children
Utter drivel. So the person criticising my statistics counters with "the nature of the heart"
I think you seriously need to read less 21st centuary dating books and a bit more history.
Your capacity for serial monogamy developed because historically, your spouse had a pretty high chance of dying, not least of all in childbirth. You needed to be able to procreate if you're spouse died, not if you just went through a rough patch. There was no period in history where couples routinely split up because they were fucked off with each other but shared the kids at weekends. Polyamory has never worked on any kind of scale either.
The most common martial arrangement in all cultures in polygamy. So i dare venture that a man getting some sexual variety did a lot to keep the warmth in many relationships.
Dude! You look at things so backwards sometimes I didn't "develop the ability for serial monogamy" due to anything. The heart yearns for love. When that love goes, for whatever reason, it looks elsewhere. I can imagine you with sellotaped glasses looking at yer petri dishes haha. I do enjoy your input immensely. But I find it amusing that you think it's so realistic when it often isn't "
Dude, it's called science. Try it sometime.
Tell us about your childhood. Were you tied to a chair and made to watch cinderella, beauty and the beast and sleeping beauty on repeat for 10 years? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Monogamy is unrealistic in modern society.
Had that talk with my lady and she may not like it but does accept it. And I’m bi too, so not going to deny myself anymore.
That's exactly why I won't have a relationship with anyone. Everyone just fucks around.
Everyone except the people that don't.
Fair point.
About 30%-40% if you're interested "
Including the ones who lie or don't take part in the surveys? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it?
What if you have kids with the person you're wearing thin on?
Do as nature intended. Move on to the next relationship. Share the kids. And see if it develops into an extended family, whether polyamorous or not
There's nothing natural about that. Would you like some stats about how badly children do when their parents divorce?
You're mixing scenarios. Stats on how children of divorced people fare in civilised societies is hardly going to be a good measure of whether something is natural or not.
A far better measure is the nature of the heart. The heart, left to its own devices, will exit a relationship that's not working and seek another. But it'll want the former relationship to work as well as possible for the sake of the children. And that impulse may eventually lead to a rekindling of love. Hence the impulse towards extended families and possibly polyamory. The heart has no impulse to maintain unloving relationships by fucking other people for a set of complex rationalisations about the social standing of the children
Utter drivel. So the person criticising my statistics counters with "the nature of the heart"
I think you seriously need to read less 21st centuary dating books and a bit more history.
Your capacity for serial monogamy developed because historically, your spouse had a pretty high chance of dying, not least of all in childbirth. You needed to be able to procreate if you're spouse died, not if you just went through a rough patch. There was no period in history where couples routinely split up because they were fucked off with each other but shared the kids at weekends. Polyamory has never worked on any kind of scale either.
The most common martial arrangement in all cultures in polygamy. So i dare venture that a man getting some sexual variety did a lot to keep the warmth in many relationships.
Dude! You look at things so backwards sometimes I didn't "develop the ability for serial monogamy" due to anything. The heart yearns for love. When that love goes, for whatever reason, it looks elsewhere. I can imagine you with sellotaped glasses looking at yer petri dishes haha. I do enjoy your input immensely. But I find it amusing that you think it's so realistic when it often isn't
Dude, it's called science. Try it sometime.
Tell us about your childhood. Were you tied to a chair and made to watch cinderella, beauty and the beast and sleeping beauty on repeat for 10 years? "
How did you know?!?! That's just freaky! You must be able to read minds. Can you tell me what next weeks lottery numbers will be? |
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"I can see the attraction of serial monogamy. I'd like to imagine one person would be enough for me. And I'm quite content that I'm completely capable of being sexually and emotionally faithful to them. But if things ended up wearing thin I'd probably just move on. I mean that's the natural way isn't it?
What if you have kids with the person you're wearing thin on?
Do as nature intended. Move on to the next relationship. Share the kids. And see if it develops into an extended family, whether polyamorous or not
There's nothing natural about that. Would you like some stats about how badly children do when their parents divorce?
You're mixing scenarios. Stats on how children of divorced people fare in civilised societies is hardly going to be a good measure of whether something is natural or not.
A far better measure is the nature of the heart. The heart, left to its own devices, will exit a relationship that's not working and seek another. But it'll want the former relationship to work as well as possible for the sake of the children. And that impulse may eventually lead to a rekindling of love. Hence the impulse towards extended families and possibly polyamory. The heart has no impulse to maintain unloving relationships by fucking other people for a set of complex rationalisations about the social standing of the children
Utter drivel. So the person criticising my statistics counters with "the nature of the heart"
I think you seriously need to read less 21st centuary dating books and a bit more history.
Your capacity for serial monogamy developed because historically, your spouse had a pretty high chance of dying, not least of all in childbirth. You needed to be able to procreate if you're spouse died, not if you just went through a rough patch. There was no period in history where couples routinely split up because they were fucked off with each other but shared the kids at weekends. Polyamory has never worked on any kind of scale either.
The most common martial arrangement in all cultures in polygamy. So i dare venture that a man getting some sexual variety did a lot to keep the warmth in many relationships.
Dude! You look at things so backwards sometimes I didn't "develop the ability for serial monogamy" due to anything. The heart yearns for love. When that love goes, for whatever reason, it looks elsewhere. I can imagine you with sellotaped glasses looking at yer petri dishes haha. I do enjoy your input immensely. But I find it amusing that you think it's so realistic when it often isn't
Dude, it's called science. Try it sometime.
Tell us about your childhood. Were you tied to a chair and made to watch cinderella, beauty and the beast and sleeping beauty on repeat for 10 years?
How did you know?!?! That's just freaky! You must be able to read minds. Can you tell me what next weeks lottery numbers will be? "
No, that's the only sequence of numbers i don't know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I spent my teenage years and twenties trying to do what society expected. And I did - I never cheated. But I always had a desire for variety which I achieved as a serial monogamist. When I got married my belief was very much that it was wrong to want to sleep with other people. But that didn’t stop me fantasising about other men. On exploring swinging 5 years ago, I realised I had been denying what I really am because of social expectations. I have now accepted that it is unnatural for me to be monogamous. I have one life partner, but sexually i need the variety of many men. This is because one man cannot be many men. Each man is slightly different and will give me a different experience.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I spent my teenage years and twenties trying to do what society expected. And I did - I never cheated. But I always had a desire for variety which I achieved as a serial monogamist. When I got married my belief was very much that it was wrong to want to sleep with other people. But that didn’t stop me fantasising about other men. On exploring swinging 5 years ago, I realised I had been denying what I really am because of social expectations. I have now accepted that it is unnatural for me to be monogamous. I have one life partner, but sexually i need the variety of many men. This is because one man cannot be many men. Each man is slightly different and will give me a different experience.
Mrs"
That's a really cool answer Classy I think allowing your loved one to continue having sexual experiences with others is a very brave radical and bold thing to do. I do think it's the ultimate answer... in theory. But I suspect it takes a strongly faithful and loving relationship at the heart of it to make it work. In that sense it kind of requires an even deeper monogamy at the heart of it... Does that make any sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I spent my teenage years and twenties trying to do what society expected. And I did - I never cheated. But I always had a desire for variety which I achieved as a serial monogamist. When I got married my belief was very much that it was wrong to want to sleep with other people. But that didn’t stop me fantasising about other men. On exploring swinging 5 years ago, I realised I had been denying what I really am because of social expectations. I have now accepted that it is unnatural for me to be monogamous. I have one life partner, but sexually i need the variety of many men. This is because one man cannot be many men. Each man is slightly different and will give me a different experience.
Mrs
That's a really cool answer Classy I think allowing your loved one to continue having sexual experiences with others is a very brave radical and bold thing to do. I do think it's the ultimate answer... in theory. But I suspect it takes a strongly faithful and loving relationship at the heart of it to make it work. In that sense it kind of requires an even deeper monogamy at the heart of it... Does that make any sense? "
Yes we were monogamous for 8 years, and probably needed that grounding. He wanted to group sex and I wanted other partners. So those 2 desires complemented rather well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I spent my teenage years and twenties trying to do what society expected. And I did - I never cheated. But I always had a desire for variety which I achieved as a serial monogamist. When I got married my belief was very much that it was wrong to want to sleep with other people. But that didn’t stop me fantasising about other men. On exploring swinging 5 years ago, I realised I had been denying what I really am because of social expectations. I have now accepted that it is unnatural for me to be monogamous. I have one life partner, but sexually i need the variety of many men. This is because one man cannot be many men. Each man is slightly different and will give me a different experience.
Mrs
That's a really cool answer Classy I think allowing your loved one to continue having sexual experiences with others is a very brave radical and bold thing to do. I do think it's the ultimate answer... in theory. But I suspect it takes a strongly faithful and loving relationship at the heart of it to make it work. In that sense it kind of requires an even deeper monogamy at the heart of it... Does that make any sense?
Yes we were monogamous for 8 years, and probably needed that grounding. He wanted to group sex and I wanted other partners. So those 2 desires complemented rather well."
What I was getting at is more that, for it to work, you actually need more trust, more transparency, more intimacy, more faithfulness in a way... not less. So it's almost that, to swing, you need to be even more tighter and committed to each other than some monogamous couples |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I spent my teenage years and twenties trying to do what society expected. And I did - I never cheated. But I always had a desire for variety which I achieved as a serial monogamist. When I got married my belief was very much that it was wrong to want to sleep with other people. But that didn’t stop me fantasising about other men. On exploring swinging 5 years ago, I realised I had been denying what I really am because of social expectations. I have now accepted that it is unnatural for me to be monogamous. I have one life partner, but sexually i need the variety of many men. This is because one man cannot be many men. Each man is slightly different and will give me a different experience.
Mrs
That's a really cool answer Classy I think allowing your loved one to continue having sexual experiences with others is a very brave radical and bold thing to do. I do think it's the ultimate answer... in theory. But I suspect it takes a strongly faithful and loving relationship at the heart of it to make it work. In that sense it kind of requires an even deeper monogamy at the heart of it... Does that make any sense?
Yes we were monogamous for 8 years, and probably needed that grounding. He wanted to group sex and I wanted other partners. So those 2 desires complemented rather well.
What I was getting at is more that, for it to work, you actually need more trust, more transparency, more intimacy, more faithfulness in a way... not less. So it's almost that, to swing, you need to be even more tighter and committed to each other than some monogamous couples "
I can only speak for ourselves, and yes I think we needed many years to build that trust and tightness. I’m not sure. I don’t know if it would have worked if we had gone down that road sooner. But we didn’t try it sooner because I believed it was wrong. |
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"I think with the right person I could be monogamous, however I have a high sex drive so I'd need to find someone with a similar sexual appetite.
I actually think my ideal would be to have a swinging relationship, best of both worlds. However I'm realistic and know its very hard to find someone to actually have that connection with & have the trust to have that but still hope one day, I might meet Mr Right.
"
Relationship wise, I know what I need. Because I'm sexual it's an important facet that I find my physical ideal in that respect. When I do, I will have no interest in sleeping with other women. She will fulfil me.
Hopefully we'll get along and be on the same page etc. But, sexually & physically it's got to be right for me.
That's the crux. |
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Human beings aren't designed for monogamy. We've been coerced into it as a norm for societal, economic and religious reasons.
I'm very pro swinging and polyamory. Loathe cheating. Open honesty seems to work for a lot of people. Who is anyone to say they're wrong or immoral? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been in monogamous relationships and I was happy just being with them at the time.
I think the thing that scares me more than monogamy is boredom.
I'd rather be single than be bored with someone else who wasn't open minded enough to try swinging or having an open relationship.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't trust anyone enough not to be an arse.
Been there too many times.
I will one day and then one person will be more than enough for me.
I'm not the type that just wants his cake and eat it. |
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"Human beings aren't designed for monogamy. We've been coerced into it as a norm for societal, economic and religious reasons.
I'm very pro swinging and polyamory. Loathe cheating. Open honesty seems to work for a lot of people. Who is anyone to say they're wrong or immoral?"
Some humans are 'designed' for monogamy. There is no single human design in that respect. Historically there are many moral arguements that would be valid against sex outside of marriage. Personally i think birth control was the quiet revolution that largely nullified them. |
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