FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Swinging and the effects on relationships

Swinging and the effects on relationships

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

How does someone not get jealous, insecure or hurt when seeing a person they love have sex with another even if they wanted to try the lifestyle? Do they get that horrible feeling of dispair in their stomach?

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

So how do you deal with any emotions that crop up? Desensitise yourself at seeing the love of your life shagging another? Now In my opinion only it must be a form of desensitisation to the act. Others have a different opinion.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X

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By *aturelover2016Man over a year ago

London

I think you have hit the nail on the head. It’s not just a way of life but a mindset. I would struggle with the concept with a life partner if I am honest, however have had less intense relationships where swinging has worked for both parties.

Not sure if helps, but do appreciate your deliberations!!

Hope it works out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ok, it is a mind set of a kind, simply its just sex, its not love or feelings or any kind of emotional connection.

Thays not to say that we both have to agree on who we play with, your not going to like every one just like not everyone isnt going to like you.

For us a mutual respect for all parties is very important, plus i do get off seeing my better half with a lady.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think you have hit the nail on the head. It’s not just a way of life but a mindset. I would struggle with the concept with a life partner if I am honest, however have had less intense relationships where swinging has worked for both parties.

Not sure if helps, but do appreciate your deliberations!!

Hope it works out"

So when you've been less commited to that person shall we say you were ok with the sharing?

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By *exymidscouple2017Couple over a year ago

Birmingham

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X "

I fully I understand what you mean. When we 1st talked about swinging. I used to think he cannot love me enough if he's willing to share me. I used to be a jealous girl with my ex hubby. So I didn't think I would handle it. However we both decided to be open minded and just give it a go. 3 years on I can fully and safely say it's nothing like I thought it would be because we respect each other and know what we both like. I can assure you I know mr loves me so much and vice versa. We both agree its only an horny bonus in our realionship.

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By *aturelover2016Man over a year ago

London

Not sure if helps, but do appreciate your deliberations!!

Hope it works out

So when you've been less commited to that person shall we say you were ok with the sharing?

That’s about the size of it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Ok, it is a mind set of a kind, simply its just sex, its not love or feelings or any kind of emotional connection.

Thays not to say that we both have to agree on who we play with, your not going to like every one just like not everyone isnt going to like you.

For us a mutual respect for all parties is very important, plus i do get off seeing my better half with a lady.

Ok so sex with others for you is emotionless? An act? How is that pleasureable? Ive always believed to have fulfilling sex emotions have to be present, a connection there? How does seeing your wife, the lady you love, shared a life with shag another and get horny? Please dont take that as condesending im genuinly intriged

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The way we see it there is no love, emotions, attachment. It's just sex with other people.

We see love as letting the loved one be free, not own him/her. We feel joy when we see each other enjoying themselves with other people. When we know the other one is happy. It brings us closer together by sharing it too.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

Swinging is not for everyone. Some people can't control jealousy and they shouldn't swing. It's not an issue for us because we consider ourselves 'emotionally monogamous' not 'sexually monogamous'.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Op. Your asking in the fab forum, where I’m guessing the majority of posters are singles like yourself and most are looking for NSA 1-1 sex.

Anyway, swinging as a couple. I don’t get jealous, that’s a horrible emotion to deal with. Instead I see it for what it is. She would be having the most wonderful time possibly pursuing a sexual fantasy (even one of mine too). Do I feel sick to the stomach? No. I feel excited for her.

I think trust plays a massive part, my trust lies in the love. The love we have for each other is stronger than sex alone.

I Feel like I need to fall back and lie in a field of daises.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok, it is a mind set of a kind, simply its just sex, its not love or feelings or any kind of emotional connection.

Thays not to say that we both have to agree on who we play with, your not going to like every one just like not everyone isnt going to like you.

For us a mutual respect for all parties is very important, plus i do get off seeing my better half with a lady.

Firstly im the mrs lol....and secondly i think above posters have hit the nail on the head more than i ever could, my better half loves me and respects me and im content in that knowledge and he of the knowledge that i love and respect him that what we are doing is fun, it does bring us closer and the reconnection sex is mind blowing.

But if at any point ones of us stops enjoying this hobby then we both stop xx

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect. "

There is some research that showed swingers having better marriages, on average. But i think we need to consider survivorship bias. Meaning that swinging is likely to make or break a relationship.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Ok, it is a mind set of a kind, simply its just sex, its not love or feelings or any kind of emotional connection.

Thays not to say that we both have to agree on who we play with, your not going to like every one just like not everyone isnt going to like you.

For us a mutual respect for all parties is very important, plus i do get off seeing my better half with a lady.

But if at any point ones of us stops enjoying this hobby then we both stop xx

Just out of interest, how do you know you both could stop? Even if you were aiming to be monogamous, then you'd statistically be likely to cheat anyway. Having tasted non-monogamy, i doubt most people could really go back to monogamy.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

"The way we see it there is no love, emotions, attachment. It's just sex with other people.

Couldn't put it better ourselves...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Swinging is not for everyone. Some people can't control jealousy and they shouldn't swing. It's not an issue for us because we consider ourselves 'emotionally monogamous' not 'sexually monogamous'. "

This is how I'd explain it too.

I don't think people should be 'desensitising themselves' to be able to swing. That's so wrong, they're just not suited to it. Nothing wrong with that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The way we see it there is no love, emotions, attachment. It's just sex with other people.

Couldn't put it better ourselves..."

Thats right. I do not own my wife’s life, I’m privalidged to be part of it. And she is the most important part of my life.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Swinging is not for everyone. Some people can't control jealousy and they shouldn't swing. It's not an issue for us because we consider ourselves 'emotionally monogamous' not 'sexually monogamous'.

This is how I'd explain it too.

I don't think people should be 'desensitising themselves' to be able to swing. That's so wrong, they're just not suited to it. Nothing wrong with that. "

The interweb is full of a stupid debate question about whether humans are naturally monogamous or not? The answer is both. There is not one single path of evolution that all humans follow, there are different reproductive strategies that work over time. Some people are naturally monogamous and there's nothing odd or wrong with them. Others are naturally non-monogamous.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Swinging is not for everyone. Some people can't control jealousy and they shouldn't swing. It's not an issue for us because we consider ourselves 'emotionally monogamous' not 'sexually monogamous'.

This is how I'd explain it too.

I don't think people should be 'desensitising themselves' to be able to swing. That's so wrong, they're just not suited to it. Nothing wrong with that.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

"Ok, it is a mind set of a kind, simply its just sex, its not love or feelings or any kind of emotional connection.

Thays not to say that we both have to agree on who we play with, your not going to like every one just like not everyone isnt going to like you.

For us a mutual respect for all parties is very important, plus i do get off seeing my better half with a lady.

But if at any point ones of us stops enjoying this hobby then we both stop xx

Its a supplement to, rather than a replacement of. The moment the fun stops for either of us it will stop. Nobody in a sound relationship is going to continue to disrespect that, that's not how it works, for us at least.

Will the other miss it? Who knows, maybe but that's not the same as going to cheat though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Most of my relationships have a Dom/Sub dynamic. So I want to be in control of my subs mind, body , and soul....

I enjoy the fact she gives me control to choose who she sleeps with and she enjoys giving me the power....

But this is only in the bedroom.... day to day life we are vanilla as can be...

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Ok, it is a mind set of a kind, simply its just sex, its not love or feelings or any kind of emotional connection.

Thays not to say that we both have to agree on who we play with, your not going to like every one just like not everyone isnt going to like you.

For us a mutual respect for all parties is very important, plus i do get off seeing my better half with a lady.

But if at any point ones of us stops enjoying this hobby then we both stop xx

Will the other miss it? Who knows, maybe but that's not the same as going to cheat though."

Thanks for your answer. Personally i don't see any relationship between the quality of the marriage and sexual desire for people outside of it. I think it's reasonable to argue that a loving partner should be able to suppress those desires if monogamy was the original arrangement, but personally that would take too much effort for me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok, it is a mind set of a kind, simply its just sex, its not love or feelings or any kind of emotional connection.

Thays not to say that we both have to agree on who we play with, your not going to like every one just like not everyone isnt going to like you.

For us a mutual respect for all parties is very important, plus i do get off seeing my better half with a lady.

But if at any point ones of us stops enjoying this hobby then we both stop xx

Well i can only speak for myself (mrs)

We'd been monogamous for alot of years, weve only been swinging for the best part of 4-5yrs, so for me if hubster didnt want to continue i wouldnt find being monogamous an issue at all.

But then who knows theres no gaurentees in any relationship. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok, it is a mind set of a kind, simply its just sex, its not love or feelings or any kind of emotional connection.

Thays not to say that we both have to agree on who we play with, your not going to like every one just like not everyone isnt going to like you.

For us a mutual respect for all parties is very important, plus i do get off seeing my better half with a lady.

But if at any point ones of us stops enjoying this hobby then we both stop xx

Well i can only speak for myself (mrs)

We'd been monogamous for alot of years, weve only been swinging for the best part of 4-5yrs, so for me if hubster didnt want to continue i wouldnt find being monogamous an issue at all.

But then who knows theres no gaurentees in any relationship. Xx

For me (mrs) I have never though monogamy was a good idea; just never got my head around being with one person for the rest of my life. I've had relationships with both men and women who I have told straight up that I want to try having group sex and also bringing kink into the bedroom...it hasn't been an easy ride! 2 of my relationships fizzled out for the reason that they didn't want to share me and weren't intetested in trying anything kink related. The relationships were doomed from that point on for me as I became very unhappy and felt unfulfilled and really awkward.

Before I got together with my hubby I explicitly told him I need to have an open relationship (but with it being a couples venture) and I needed to have women in my life. We wouldn't survive otherwise, and I meant it. I'm very fortunate that he is also bi and poly so we are kindred spirits.

TL;DR is jealous cannot be overcome without open and honest communication. If you are curious to try things go for your life but make sure there are no issues with the experience being cut short the moment it starts taking more from you that it is giving.

Good luck in your future adventures xx

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X "

You seem to protest too much, most couples wouldn't take it as a dig anyway, they would just think you would probably never get swinging

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Ok so sex with others for you is emotionless? An act? How is that pleasureable?

One night stands all over the country on a Saturday night must have some enjoyment to them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When we first met sex with others was a huge turn on but also gave me horrible feelings too, no matter how big the fantasy I know I couldn't go through with acting on it.

As time went on we got married and had a family, I realised my earlier feelings weren't that I didn't trust Fred but my insecurities that he could do better than me, as I realised this was completely unfounded we discussed further and decided to give it a go and not looked back. To us swinging is a fun hobby we enjoy together, despite me being short fat and ginger, I never compare myself or Fred to others which would have been my stumbling block years back.

Ginger

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By *bonynivoryCouple over a year ago

market harborough

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X "

May not be what you want to hear

My wife at the time we started 10 years ago and I had the same issues. But we stayed close doing everything together and it was an azing 5 years. And of course there was jealousy, insecurity and doubt issues, but easily handled. Then we started doing stuff alone and my wife's job changed and it was easier for her to see me with a swinging fuck buddy than worry about ever being home.

Over the years we both had several much more than swinging propositions but just laughed it off.

Then I got very close to somebody as I spent more time with them and the sex was amazing and......

We eventually separated and I tried to make a go of it with the other woman, but outside sex and lust there was nothing.

We got back together and both still loved swinging but it was never the same.

We both carried on as great friends but the over freedom we had allowed had ruined the relationship.

We both ended up meeting our current partners through the scene and still go to clubs, etc.

However we will never do anything apart, and it is a very different relationship.

I have seen this happen a number of times over the years and to make a generalisation, the couples that play together stay together, and those that don't... We'll they don't in my experience.

In the end I am hoping with my new wife than I have ever been so it has worked out well, and my ex is still a great friend and we all had a drink together last weekend at Liberties.

But there ARE dangers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When we first met sex with others was a huge turn on but also gave me horrible feelings too, no matter how big the fantasy I know I couldn't go through with acting on it.

Ginger "

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Love and sex aren't the same thing.

Love and ownership aren't the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X

You seem to protest too much, most couples wouldn't take it as a dig anyway, they would just think you would probably never get swinging

To be fair, people often get attacked on the forum for asking questions. I just took it as her asking a genuine question and not wanting to offend anyone.

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By *aughtychopsCouple over a year ago

Dartford

Being monogamous is absolutely fine as is being polyamorous. The fact that you have asked the question, I would say, and being here, is the beginning of a big question you’re asking yourself.

We actually met here, we are open and honest, a must for us both. We enjoy intimate time as a couple but also enjoy time with others. We are always a couple. We are always honest with each other. We also enjoy the many threads of sexuality.

It’s not simple. It’s not complicated. It is something that you develop, or you develop as a couple. Or, as is our case, you are single and become a couple.

Who knows what is right and what is wrong. Who knows what will happen tomorrow or the day after. We know that this is right for us.

So just have a look around, take your time and find out what’s right for you xx

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By *aughtychopsCouple over a year ago

Dartford

"Being monogamous is absolutely fine as is being polyamorous. The fact that you have asked the question, I would say, and being here, is the beginning of a big question you’re asking yourself.

It’s not simple. It’s not complicated. It is something that you develop, or you develop as a couple. Or, as is our case, you are single and become a couple.

Who knows what is right and what is wrong. Who knows what will happen tomorrow or the day after. We know that this is right for us.

So just have a look around, take your time and find out what’s right for you xx"

I take back the couple comment - we were here as single and enjoying, it was only by chance we met, and if not for that would both definitely be single and enjoying x

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By *arry247Couple over a year ago

Wakefield

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X "

Basically it comes down to love or lust.

If you love a person you will do anything and everything to enable them to enjoy their life, you would even lay down your life for them.

If on the other hand you simply lust after the person then jealousy and insecurity arise as you are thinking of your own feelings rather than giving them joy & pleasure

This is a very simplistic explanation as it does not allow for all the nuances in between

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By *aughtychopsCouple over a year ago

Dartford

There are many nuances between xx

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X

Basically it comes down to love or lust.

If you love a person you will do anything and everything to enable them to enjoy their life, you would even lay down your life for them.

If on the other hand you simply lust after the person then jealousy and insecurity arise as you are thinking of your own feelings rather than giving them joy & pleasure

This is a very simplistic explanation as it does not allow for all the nuances in between

Very few people must be in love then

43% of spouses won't even last the distance, let alone lay down their lives for each other.

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

It will be different for different couples.

We see sex and love as different things. Yes, there are emotions of sorts involved but not love and there's certainly no desensitization.

We had fantasies we wanted to explore together. It's a mutually enjoyable hobby, that happens to include sex with others every so often.

Neither of us are the jealous type, though until you try you can never be sure if it will work out or not. Fortunately, we discovered that we enjoy seeing each other give and receive pleasure.

There are many people who, like you, couldn't imagine enjoying swinging as part of a couple or being in any kind of non-monogamous relationship. There's nothing wrong with that.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you all for your replies, you've been great in answering alot for me

Opened my eyes alot hearing from real couples and not a web page with stats.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

As an aside, there are plenty of positions, fantasy and visions that swinging alone can bring that monogamous relationships can't, many are fulfilled in this regard. You cannot disregard this.

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By *ooneyloubylouWoman over a year ago

Rotherham

Not sure if helps, but do appreciate your deliberations!!

Hope it works out"

Interesting view, we're totally committed in our 'life partner' relationship (8yrs) and think it works for us as neither of us are jealous people, neither of us feel threatened that the other is going to prefer a meet to what we have together, view lust (meet sex) and love (our sex life together) as being very different and both get an almighty kick from hearing the meet have a good time with the other.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

To be fair, people often get attacked on the forum for asking questions. I just took it as her asking a genuine question and not wanting to offend anyone.

After reading many threads over the years I can't disagree with your first sentance.

My view is still the same about three times telling people there is no digging

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thank you all for your replies, you've been great in answering alot for me

Opened my eyes alot hearing from real couples and not a web page with stats.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not sure if helps, but do appreciate your deliberations!!

Hope it works out

other.

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By *ovingittwoCouple over a year ago

Norwich

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X "

I have to say that this is such a weird question! We are a swinging couple, and to us that is real swinging, being single isn’t. We have never felt jealous of each other and since we’ve been swinging our relationship has really grown, we talk about anything and have no secrets. Also the thought of how naughty we are just makes us laugh, especially in vanilla company.

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By *sSweetAsSugarCouple over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/06/18 09:36:56]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We met through the scene and both had partners at the time, so in some respects I understand what you are asking, there is always a risk that a partner will find someone more suited to them, but with us we both enjoy watching each other with other people. What turns me on (m) is knowing men/women lust after her but ultimately she is mine and will come home with me, this doesnt mean I consider her my property in anyway shape or form.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

we are not sexually monogomous but in all other aspects of our lives, emotionally, financially and most importantly where intimacy is concerned we are...

Someone wiser than me once said that swinging is like holding a magnifying glass up to a relationship...if it's not solid, the cracks show up in much mire detail...if we suspect couples have cracks or see them ourselves, we avoid them...

We share some intimacies with others but only ever together but the sex we have with others tends to be recreational, just like any other hobby...i've always maintained that I'd rather the Monkey fucked someone behind my back than took them out for dinner...it would be the betrayal of our intimacy that I would find hard to forgive...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would say the vast majority of couples who swing have done so for entirely the wrong reasons and it has either caused or been a sign of the impending collapse of their relationship. I say this because, in all my time chatting to people in vanilla life no one has ever brought up that they were or are a swinger. However, since I started dating about a month ago about half the women I've met told me that before their prior relationship collapsed their partner wanted it to be an open or swinging relationship. What was extremely rare has suddenly become a common topic of discussion. It was also the case with the date I went on last night

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By *urity555Man over a year ago

south west

We’re a new couple to this. We haven’t swung yet... although next week changes that.

We talked about this months ago then decided not too.

Then we talked some more and together decided to try it. We’ve found that we’ve become closer as a couple just by being open and honest about our feelings, apprehensions and desires.

We actually discuss it each day .

Yes admittedly there have been a couple of instances where I’ve got a little insecure, but we’ve talked about it and it’s usually when I’m tired and hormonal

We love each other deeply and have been together for 6 years .. will this work for us?

I’ll update you next week!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would say the vast majority of couples who swing have done so for entirely the wrong reasons and it has either caused or been a sign of the impending collapse of their relationship. I say this because, in all my time chatting to people in vanilla life no one has ever brought up that they were or are a swinger. However, since I started dating about a month ago about half the women I've met told me that before their prior relationship collapsed their partner wanted it to be an open or swinging relationship. What was extremely rare has suddenly become a common topic of discussion. It was also the case with the date I went on last night "

and you would know that how? I think making such a sweeping statement on behalf of 'the vast majority of swinging couples' and their reasons based on a bit of anecdotal conversations with a few women might not really give you a sound evidence base to make such assertions...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And you know a vast majority of the swinging couples? We met swinging and have agreed that we still enjoy it so do it, so will carry on.

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By *iliciousCouple over a year ago

Sussex/Surrey

"The way we see it there is no love, emotions, attachment. It's just sex with other people.

that’s how it is for us, nicely put.

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

So to suggest that from a few conversations with women you are dating , that couples who swing do it for the wrong reasons , and that their relationship is doomed is like me giving a review of a holiday that I’ve never been on , but I had a chat with someone that had .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

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By *empting TravelsMan over a year ago

London

For us its about being true to oneself and each other and about complete honesty. Especially when one of us might be feeling insecure or jealous. There are no guarantee in a swinging relationship, but then again neither are there in monogamous relationships. Being aware of such realities seems to work for us.

My girlfriend and I have different boundaries but we chose to respect them rather than brush them aside.

Another thing that works for us is to be wary of getting too fixated on what might be going on in the swinging world every weekend. Having a varied vanilla life away from all this keeps things in perspective I think.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

I'm merely asserting my belief that the number of couples who crash out of swinging far exceeds the number who happily stay in it. That's my belief... nothing more. I am well aware that swinging complements and adds to some couple's relationships, as I believe it does yours. I just think these right minded swingers are in the minority and that the swinging scene at any one time is made up of a far larger group of people who are trying it out and will either give up on it or crash out of it. That's all

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

It was the "wrong reasons" bit that is horse shit

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By *empting TravelsMan over a year ago

London

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

That's so funny. If a survey of all the single men and women on this site was conducted I wonder how many are actually in supposedly happy traditional monogamous relationships. I'm not here to preach the virtues of non monogamous relationships. Its most certainly not for everyone but it is also the most refreshing sense of mutual honesty and freedom not having to live a lie feels soooo good.

Back when I was a single male Bull I lost count of the number of "single guys" on here and other sites secretly wishing their wives and girlfriend would get into swinging with them. Many were fantasists but a very healthy number lacked the courage to be open with their wives/girlfriends and simply did things behind their partners back. When either my girlfriend or me get swingy cravings we do it together and if I feel the urge to indulge in mutual cock sucking with a guy she's there with me.....no secrets.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

Exactly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The way we see it there is no love, emotions, attachment. It's just sex with other people.

Exactly this

Jo.X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are a couple and we love seeing each other play. To us it's about the enjoyment we are getting from seeing each other play that turns us on. We never get jealous because we have a very happy relationship together.

We both love to kiss the people we meet and not many do that. Yes feelings come into it when kissing but seeing the hubby kiss a person watching him get hard while kissing and touching really excites me knowing how much he is enjoying it. Some meets i just watch and really love to see him enjoying the fun and sex with a lady.

When we have met dave has just watched and let me play too. He encourages me to enjoy whats happening to me telling me how much he enjoys watching it happen gets me very wet.

So to us we do it to please each other and we never get jealous. The fun we have at home after a meet talking about it as we make love is so good just makes it all the more pleasurable

Sheena

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By *ocky82Man over a year ago

Watford

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X "

Great question. I’m male and think I’d love to see my wife but do often think if it happened what if it ruined us !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok so not a dig at anyones lifestyle choice purely a curious question so no haters!

So i have been reading many articles on swinging benefits in a relationship with sexual freedom, a deep connection with trust to bringing new and exciting pleasures into said relationship ect.

My wonder is the other end of the spectrum.

Again no digging out anyone just a curious thought as im single and never swung before. Been cheated on and that tore badly. The thought of him with the OW literally hurt my insides.

Now ive said it twice but i'll repeat for any trolls here, this isnt a dig at anyone merely a curious thought of mine so thought id ask. X

Great question. I’m male and think I’d love to see my wife but do often think if it happened what if it ruined us ! "

But how much more it would ruin your relationship her finding you're meeting behind her back!? This is one of the reasons people misunderstand swinging.

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By *iliciousCouple over a year ago

Sussex/Surrey

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

And so what? I expect the same can be said of many hobbies.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For us we see swinging as a bit of a hobby/pass time.

We’re not regular swingers however we enjoy it and take part when we feel like it.

The first time was a bit odd to begin with but once we got into the swing of it, it was great.

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

It was the "wrong reasons" bit that is horse shit "

Yep

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

It was the "wrong reasons" bit that is horse shit "

I shall repeat then... "I would say the vast majority of couples who swing have done so for entirely the wrong reasons and it has either caused or been a sign of the impending collapse of their relationship". Of course, the small minority of couples who swing for the right reasons (i.e in such a way as it compliments their relationship) would disagree with the sentiment of that remark when it comes to themselves. But I still do believe that statistically speaking the majority get into it for the wrong reason. I would be surprised if that wasn't what the hard facts attested to. That was my argument from the very start. And that's all I was saying.

Perhaps what is skewing my view of this is my inclusion of open relationships under the same mantle as swinging. It certainly seems to be a major indicator of problems in a relationship when one partner asks the other if they can enter into an open relationship. This is a surprisingly common experience amongst divorcee women in particular. It's like the guy wants new pussy but without the trauma of becoming single. That, I would say, is probably statistically speaking the number one reason as to why couples get pushed into swinging or open relationships. And it's the wrong reason. Again, that's not a sociological assertion based on fact. It's just my opinion of what I suspect sociologists would find if it was studied. Just my opinion

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

It was the "wrong reasons" bit that is horse shit

I would agree that an open relationship could be the beginning of the end . But an open relationship is nothing like swinging in my opinion . It’s an excuse to have a bit on the side without feeling guilty . Swinging is sharing , enjoying experiences together , enhancing an already strong relationship . Not replacing a weak or boring relationship with something more exciting like an open relationship could do .

I would imagine a lot of couples who enter into an open relationship do split up .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I swung before i met hubby and stopped when we met ( 17 years ago tomorrow).

However we both liked the idea of having others share our hobby, and there was a post earlier on in this that hit the nail on the head. This is a hobby we may fuck other people but it is just fucking, its not love, or at least for us its not what me and hubby have is different.

Someone said as well that others share our hobby and she would be more upset if they took a play date out for dinner than fucked them behind her back.

we are the same things such as sharing a shower or dinner is so much more intimate that fucking.

Hubby and i have been back swinging together for 16 years nearly and we both love seeing the other with another and hearing about it as we often play separate.

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By *OR THE WIFES PLEASUREMan over a year ago

plymouth

It's sex and fun which has come about whilst chatting about fantasies it's not for everyone and if you set rules which you are both comfortable with then happy swinging x

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

It was the "wrong reasons" bit that is horse shit

Thanks for clarifying, it's still horse shit

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

It was the "wrong reasons" bit that is horse shit

Some couples do get into swinging in an attempt to save a troubled relationship. I can't tell you if they're in the majority or not. I do know it won't save the relationship but it isn't the cause of a break up either, the problems were there to start with.

There are also swinging relationships where one partner is reluctant, the problem isn't the swinging their either.

You seem to be implying that swinging relationships are led by the male in all cases but that isn't true either.

In successful swinging relationships there's an equality and frankness that also exists in vanilla relationships but is expressed slightly differently. You either get it or you don't I've found.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Really good thread , mr here , I can see both sides of this and we both have been burned by cheaters....I love my mrs more than anything and let her control what we do as her comfiness is my priority....anytime we want we can take a break or stop and if that happens then I back her 100% , she is more important than a naughty hobby

Saying that , I find it horny as , meeting friends like we have and. And speaking openly about naughty stuff.... it’s like a private wee club that we are both in....... don’t see point in ppl cheating etc for the sake of a fantasy, it’s wrong and why would u hurt somebody u love?.... when both ppl love each other that much and can be naughty together... that is the biggest turn on ever.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some couples do get into swinging in an attempt to save a troubled relationship. I can't tell you if they're in the majority or not. I do know it won't save the relationship but it isn't the cause of a break up either, the problems were there to start with.

There are also swinging relationships where one partner is reluctant, the problem isn't the swinging their either.

You seem to be implying that swinging relationships are led by the male in all cases but that isn't true either.

In successful swinging relationships there's an equality and frankness that also exists in vanilla relationships but is expressed slightly differently. You either get it or you don't I've found."

I agree. I suspect most times where swinging relationships collapse it wasn't the swinging that caused it. Getting into swinging was just indicative of deeper relationship problems.

I think that in many cases of swinging for the wrong reason it's male led. In sharp contrast, I totally agree, relationships where swinging is a positive addition it's totally equally led.

The moral of the story? If you want to swing but your partner doesn't... DON'T DO IT! It's not that swinging itself will bring out problems, although it might. It's more that your desire to swing may well be indicative of serious issues in your relationship

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

There are also swinging relationships where one partner is reluctant, the problem isn't the swinging their either.

You seem to be implying that swinging relationships are led by the male in all cases but that isn't true either.

In successful swinging relationships there's an equality and frankness that also exists in vanilla relationships but is expressed slightly differently. You either get it or you don't I've found.

I agree. I suspect most times where swinging relationships collapse it wasn't the swinging that caused it. Getting into swinging was just indicative of deeper relationship problems.

I think that in many cases of swinging for the wrong reason it's male led. In sharp contrast, I totally agree, relationships where swinging is a positive addition it's totally equally led.

Keep digging

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

There are also swinging relationships where one partner is reluctant, the problem isn't the swinging their either.

You seem to be implying that swinging relationships are led by the male in all cases but that isn't true either.

In successful swinging relationships there's an equality and frankness that also exists in vanilla relationships but is expressed slightly differently. You either get it or you don't I've found.

I agree. I suspect most times where swinging relationships collapse it wasn't the swinging that caused it. Getting into swinging was just indicative of deeper relationship problems.

I think that in many cases of swinging for the wrong reason it's male led. In sharp contrast, I totally agree, relationships where swinging is a positive addition it's totally equally led.

The desire to swing is not indicative of serious issues in any relationship in my opinion, the desire has to be there. Its used by some to try and resolve issues for sure.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For us its about being true to oneself and each other and about complete honesty. Especially when one of us might be feeling insecure or jealous. There are no guarantee in a swinging relationship, but then again neither are there in monogamous relationships. Being aware of such realities seems to work for us.

My girlfriend and I have different boundaries but we chose to respect them rather than brush them aside.

Couldn't agree more!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There are also swinging relationships where one partner is reluctant, the problem isn't the swinging their either.

You seem to be implying that swinging relationships are led by the male in all cases but that isn't true either.

In successful swinging relationships there's an equality and frankness that also exists in vanilla relationships but is expressed slightly differently. You either get it or you don't I've found.

I agree. I suspect most times where swinging relationships collapse it wasn't the swinging that caused it. Getting into swinging was just indicative of deeper relationship problems.

I think that in many cases of swinging for the wrong reason it's male led. In sharp contrast, I totally agree, relationships where swinging is a positive addition it's totally equally led.

I agree.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There are also swinging relationships where one partner is reluctant, the problem isn't the swinging their either.

You seem to be implying that swinging relationships are led by the male in all cases but that isn't true either.

In successful swinging relationships there's an equality and frankness that also exists in vanilla relationships but is expressed slightly differently. You either get it or you don't I've found.

I agree. I suspect most times where swinging relationships collapse it wasn't the swinging that caused it. Getting into swinging was just indicative of deeper relationship problems.

I think that in many cases of swinging for the wrong reason it's male led. In sharp contrast, I totally agree, relationships where swinging is a positive addition it's totally equally led.

The desire to swing is not indicative of serious issues in any relationship in my opinion, the desire has to be there. Its used by some to try and resolve issues for sure."

I read it that in couples where one wants to swing but the other doesn't- *that* is indicative of serious issues.

Where both have a desire to swing, that is positive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There are also swinging relationships where one partner is reluctant, the problem isn't the swinging their either.

You seem to be implying that swinging relationships are led by the male in all cases but that isn't true either.

In successful swinging relationships there's an equality and frankness that also exists in vanilla relationships but is expressed slightly differently. You either get it or you don't I've found.

I agree. I suspect most times where swinging relationships collapse it wasn't the swinging that caused it. Getting into swinging was just indicative of deeper relationship problems.

I think that in many cases of swinging for the wrong reason it's male led. In sharp contrast, I totally agree, relationships where swinging is a positive addition it's totally equally led.

The desire to swing is not indicative of serious issues in any relationship in my opinion, the desire has to be there. Its used by some to try and resolve issues for sure.

I read it that in couples where one wants to swing but the other doesn't- *that* is indicative of serious issues.

Where both have a desire to swing, that is positive."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's complicated hmm

What I'm trying to say is that, particularly when it comes to open relationships, I believe the usual onus is "I want to sleep with other people" not "I want you/us to sleep with other people". If the former is your motivating factor don't do it. You've got relationship issues you need dealing with. Does that ring true?

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you have s strong honest and trusting relationship then I totally understand how swinging enhances an already great relationship.

However, quite a few couples use swinging to try and 'mend' their marriage. It doesn't work. It's simply like papering over the cracks on a wall. It will end in tears.

I also feel that there are couples where one half is just doing swinging to please the other, I've chatted to a few and even met 2 couples pea where this was so blatantly obvious.That is totally wrong and will only end in tears too.

This journey should only be embarked upon as a join adventure and I believe in 'if you play together: you stay together'.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Really good thread , mr here , I can see both sides of this and we both have been burned by cheaters....I love my mrs more than anything and let her control what we do as her comfiness is my priority....anytime we want we can take a break or stop and if that happens then I back her 100% , she is more important than a naughty hobby

Because for some the cheating can add that extra layer of naughtiness and horniness. Swinging couples cheat too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers. "

Oh I see where you're coming from. No. If you asked such questions of the swinger population of course you wouldn't get such feedback. On any one night in a club there maybe only one or two couples there for the wrong reason.

My assertion is that the population of ex swingers with failed relationships is far bigger than the population of swingers. That there is a constant drip drip drip through the swinging scene of people doing it for the wrong reason and heading to the exit. This isn't saying much. When I was swinging in my area I was aware of about 10 or so couples who were actively swinging. It's a very small population. After only a month of dating I've already met 5 women whose relationships final stage was to try swinging or being open. That indicates a far larger population

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you have s strong honest and trusting relationship then I totally understand how swinging enhances an already great relationship.

However, quite a few couples use swinging to try and 'mend' their marriage. It doesn't work. It's simply like papering over the cracks on a wall. It will end in tears.

This journey should only be embarked upon as a join adventure and I believe in 'if you play together: you stay together'. "

Thanks Ruby

As often happens with me someone comes along and says what I've been trying to say better and using less words

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers. "

So you think it's ok for one person to want to swing against their partner's wishes?

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers.

Oh that i agree with. Swinging will make or break a relationship. If you have communication issues then swinging will amplify them until you improve or die.

But we agreed to a non-monogamous relationship before we even started dating so we weren't bored of each other / spicing anything up / *insert other ignorant stereotype*.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers.

So you think it's ok for one person to want to swing against their partner's wishes? "

No i just don't think they represent many swingers

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers.

Oh that i agree with. Swinging will make or break a relationship. If you have communication issues then swinging will amplify them until you improve or die.

But we agreed to a non-monogamous relationship before we even started dating so we weren't bored of each other / spicing anything up / *insert other ignorant stereotype*. "

You see... I don't actually think swinging itself is such a threat to a relationship. Meaningless sex really isn't all that amazing that it's threatening in that way. I don't think swinging is a threat. It's simply that the selfish desire to fuck other people (which only those swinging for the wrong reason have) is usually an indicator of wider relationship issues which are, themselves, a major threat to the relationship

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers.

So you think it's ok for one person to want to swing against their partner's wishes?

No i just don't think they represent many swingers"

But you're happy to concede that they probably represent the majority of couples who've tried swinging. Yes?

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"If you have s strong honest and trusting relationship then I totally understand how swinging enhances an already great relationship.

However, quite a few couples use swinging to try and 'mend' their marriage. It doesn't work. It's simply like papering over the cracks on a wall. It will end in tears.

This journey should only be embarked upon as a join adventure and I believe in 'if you play together: you stay together'.

Absolutely spot on

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers.

So you think it's ok for one person to want to swing against their partner's wishes?

No i just don't think they represent many swingers

But you're happy to concede that they probably represent the majority of couples who've tried swinging. Yes? "

I'd honestly never thought deeply about it before your previous comment, but probably - yes. There's an undeniable churn of couples and we block couples with no verifications for that reason.

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By *empting TravelsMan over a year ago

London

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers.

So you think it's ok for one person to want to swing against their partner's wishes?

No i just don't think they represent many swingers

But you're happy to concede that they probably represent the majority of couples who've tried swinging. Yes? "

It wouldn't surprise me if couples like that represent a high proportion of the swinging relationships that fail. What the failure rate is among genuinely consenting swinging couples I have no idea, but the figures would be interesting.

Having said that the success rate for the monogamous model is hardly encouraging either. In my opinion the world is full of people kidding themselves. What is right for them and what they think is right for them is not always the same thing.

I think it is a teeny bit like the arguments for going to the gym, staying away from junk food, rejecting chocolates (fill in your own vice here). We can all have noble intentions but for some people going to the gym is like torture. For some of us the sacrifices required are worth it because the end goal is worth the sacrifice. For others even if they succeeded its one that would make them forever grumpy.

There will always be those who selfishly indulge but with others they have a more pragmatic approach. They don't obsess about something forever denied. They just share the occasional pizza as a treat.

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By *lpha17Man over a year ago

manchester

Anyone want to meet , message me

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By *ebwizMan over a year ago

Clevedon

"We’re a new couple to this. We haven’t swung yet... although next week changes that.

We talked about this months ago then decided not too.

Then we talked some more and together decided to try it. We’ve found that we’ve become closer as a couple just by being open and honest about our feelings, apprehensions and desires.

We actually discuss it each day .

Yes admittedly there have been a couple of instances where I’ve got a little insecure, but we’ve talked about it and it’s usually when I’m tired and hormonal

We love each other deeply and have been together for 6 years .. will this work for us?

I’ll update you next week! "
good luck.we came back into it.had some fun,but she has backed away from the scene.did not enjoy actually watching me have sex with someone in front of her.happy for me to play,she just does not want to see.she has a fwb which suits us both.on a seperate note love the tattoos.wife looking for ideas,so will show her your photos.take things slowly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Op. Your asking in the fab forum, where I’m guessing the majority of posters are singles like yourself and most are looking for NSA 1-1 sex.

I think trust plays a massive part, my trust lies in the love. The love we have for each other is stronger than sex alone.

I Feel like I need to fall back and lie in a field of daises.

Top reply

xGx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are a couple and we love seeing each other play. To us it's about the enjoyment we are getting from seeing each other play that turns us on. We never get jealous because we have a very happy relationship together.

When we have met dave has just watched and let me play too. He encourages me to enjoy whats happening to me telling me how much he enjoys watching it happen gets me very wet.

So to us we do it to please each other and we never get jealous. The fun we have at home after a meet talking about it as we make love is so good just makes it all the more pleasurable

Sheena"

I totally love your reply

xGx

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By *umKinkwithUsCouple over a year ago

Camberley

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

It was the "wrong reasons" bit that is horse shit

That's a very monogamous view on open relationships. Me and my Girlfriend started as open relationship. We decided to start Swinging (another form of non-monogmy) and now just Swing together and are hoping to connect with others together for potential relationships.

A lot of people asking for Open relationship are just admitting that they are non-monagamous to their partner rather than cheating behind their back.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It's complicated hmm

No, you're still talking crap based on your experiences with a very unrepresentative sample of swingers.

So you think it's ok for one person to want to swing against their partner's wishes?

No i just don't think they represent many swingers

But you're happy to concede that they probably represent the majority of couples who've tried swinging. Yes?

Good analogy! I believe, based on solid research, that the majority of people are naturally predisposed away from monogamy. We turn to it due to legacy social pressures but for most of us, it will be unfullfilling sexually. We're not obligated to follow our nature, but to fight against it wwill use energy. Personally i jjust make a rational calculation tthat the energy is better spent oon other things (e.g. my career).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a complete and utter load of crap !

I can’t for the life of me see how you can possibly make that judgement as you have little or no experience whatsoever in swinging as a couple .

Look a bit deeper , chat to a few couples who are happy swinging , and maybe then you will see how crazy your sweeping statement is

It was the "wrong reasons" bit that is horse shit

A lot of people asking for Open relationship are just admitting that they are non-monagamous to their partner rather than cheating behind their back."

You're both saying the same thing. Agreeing with each other.

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By *lixir of lifeMan over a year ago

knob Creek

Relationships are about different dynamics and what works for two people..

Don’t think swinging couples have the perfect relationships...

Look around in clubs or on here ..

Years ago i used to meet couples but wouldn’t now as your always the outsider on other peoples games ..

Alot of swingers are couples wth big age differences which means one has a higher sex drive than the other or one i notice alot is when one of the couples has aged better than the others and wants attention of the other sex but is an honest person and won’t do it behind they’re partners backs x

Look around in clubs at the women prancing about in they’re undies and looking good whilst hubby who’s lost his hair and gained a few pounds gets off on watching her ..

Ofcourse you’ll all disagree with me because you’ve got such perfect relationships lol

As I say it’s about a dynamic that works ..

Hard to have a vanilla relationship after you’ve been a swinger ..

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Relationships are about different dynamics and what works for two people..

Don’t think swinging couples have the perfect relationships...

Look around in clubs or on here ..

Years ago i used to meet couples but wouldn’t now as your always the outsider on other peoples games ..

Look around in clubs at the women prancing about in they’re undies and looking good whilst hubby who’s lost his hair and gained a few pounds gets off on watching her ..

Ofcourse you’ll all disagree with me because you’ve got such perfect relationships lol

As I say it’s about a dynamic that works ..

Hard to have a vanilla relationship after you’ve been a swinger .. "

Statements like "what works for one couple won't work for another" are ridiculous because they seek to relegate everything to the status on opinion, as if we have no facts or data on any of this.

We know perfectly well what marriages need to thrive, how many die, roughly how many are happy, whether swingers are happier than average or not and how many vanilla ones cheat.

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By *uriousTwosomeCouple over a year ago

Manchester

It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

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By *lixir of lifeMan over a year ago

knob Creek

"Relationships are about different dynamics and what works for two people..

Don’t think swinging couples have the perfect relationships...

Look around in clubs or on here ..

Years ago i used to meet couples but wouldn’t now as your always the outsider on other peoples games ..

Look around in clubs at the women prancing about in they’re undies and looking good whilst hubby who’s lost his hair and gained a few pounds gets off on watching her ..

Ofcourse you’ll all disagree with me because you’ve got such perfect relationships lol

As I say it’s about a dynamic that works ..

Hard to have a vanilla relationship after you’ve been a swinger ..

Statements like "what works for one couple won't work for another" are ridiculous because they seek to relegate everything to the status on opinion, as if we have no facts or data on any of this.

We know perfectly well what marriages need to thrive, how many die, roughly how many are happy, whether swingers are happier than average or not and how many vanilla ones cheat. "

Vanilla ones do cheat this is true many many ladies I’ve chatted to are in relationships and because it’s a swingers site feel justified..

My post was just saying to people look around next time your in a club ..

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Relationships are about different dynamics and what works for two people..

Don’t think swinging couples have the perfect relationships...

Look around in clubs or on here ..

Years ago i used to meet couples but wouldn’t now as your always the outsider on other peoples games ..

Look around in clubs at the women prancing about in they’re undies and looking good whilst hubby who’s lost his hair and gained a few pounds gets off on watching her ..

Ofcourse you’ll all disagree with me because you’ve got such perfect relationships lol

As I say it’s about a dynamic that works ..

Hard to have a vanilla relationship after you’ve been a swinger ..

Statements like "what works for one couple won't work for another" are ridiculous because they seek to relegate everything to the status on opinion, as if we have no facts or data on any of this.

We know perfectly well what marriages need to thrive, how many die, roughly how many are happy, whether swingers are happier than average or not and how many vanilla ones cheat.

Vanilla ones do cheat this is true many many ladies I’ve chatted to are in relationships and because it’s a swingers site feel justified..

My post was just saying to people look around next time your in a club .. "

What % of your trips to swingers clubs were on couple only nights? Roughly?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to."

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior. "

Many do, it's rather naive of them.

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By *lixir of lifeMan over a year ago

knob Creek

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior. "

Swingers do cheat .. i met a couple three times a couple of years ago and thought it was going to be regular until the female started messaging me and asking to meet just Her ..

A common story I believe..x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Good analogy! I believe, based on solid research, that the majority of people are naturally predisposed away from monogamy. We turn to it due to legacy social pressures but for most of us, it will be unfullfilling sexually. We're not obligated to follow our nature, but to fight against it wwill use energy. Personally i jjust make a rational calculation tthat the energy is better spent oon other things (e.g. my career). "

Looking back, I do think there's a massive amount of self justifying bs going on in the minds of swingers. I was there too. And I would've argued the same point just as rigorously as you. But I was wrong.

When you become single again your main intention isn't to try and hook up with some hareem of lovers. In fact promiscuity and multiple relationships loses almost all its charm. Instead, you yearn for one simple deep knowing sharing love. Or at least I do. Single people "enjoy" promiscuity purely because they're searching for the one.

From my perspective now I suspect the drive towards multiple lovers exists only among those already in a relationship. Why? Many reasons. Sometimes it's a legitimate desire. Maybe they're bi or genuinely poly. Maybe it's a game they both enjoy playing and it feeds positively into their relationship. But often I feel it comes from a more negative place. They settled for someone they didn't really love and now they want to fish around. They've gone off their partner and want to find other lovers. The love has dried up in their relationship and they're seeking that thrill of being in love again. They want to move on but don't have the balls to leave nor the lack of morals to cheat. In this last scenario swinging and open relationships just provides the softest possible exit from a relationship.

There are leagues more monogamous relationships than poly. Statistics are bound to show more mono fail than poly. But they may also show that, when taking sample size into account, poly relationships fail more than mono.

I don't care what my biology says. My heart yearns for one faithful lover. And just compare the number of people on here seeking more than that to the mass of people on the dating apps. It's pretty clear I'm not in the minority with that... and I hazard a guess that if you were single again too you'd be very much in the same mind as me too. Swinging is a fun hobby for couples. That's all. It isn't a lifestyle

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By *empting TravelsMan over a year ago

London

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior. "

Its true, based on what I see out there neither swinging or monogamous couples have the moral high ground in my opinion. Both types of relationships require respect, trust etc. People have their flaws, however I find myself holding swinging couples to a higher standard when it comes to cheating. Were I in a monogamous relationship I think I would be more forgiving if a partner cheated on me. However within a more sexually communicative relationship that includes swinging I would be far less forgiving.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

Swinging is cheating-lite. When one partner wants to feel the adrenaline of cheating flowing through their veins, swinging is but a disappointing replica. It may dispel that thirst in some. But in others it may simply frustrate them and egg them on. Especially if that's why they got into swinging in the first place

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

Oh dear, we're back to the personal experience bullshit again. Look in big handfuls, 30% of people are naturally monogamous and 70% aren't. I'm not talking about poly. I'm talking about swinging. I don't even believe in the concept of "the one" that's disney flavoured horse shit with no grounds in fact.

I do agree there is a lot of self justification with swinging, but of course there would be, it's a sub-culture. Pretty much none of us were raised to be swingers. Nearly all of us were raised on your disney diet of bullshit that one day you'll walk down the street and someone will trip, fall into your arms and you'll instantly fall in love, bang out 2.4 children and have a great house with a nice fence.

But some of us couldn't help notice the massive divorce rate and prevalence of cheating that comes after the love at first sight. Then we realised that most people are actually serial monogamists which are the absolute worst of all worlds. Full of emotional fucktards who fly into marriages driven by passions that couldn't possibly sustain themselves long-term so they leave behind families of emotionally traumatised children every 8 years like they are setting up franchises.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

I would say genuinely monogamous couples do have the moral high ground. There just aren't many of them. In turn, as an ethically non-monogamous couple, i do feel superior to the serial monogamists. All the vulnerable narcissistics who are triggered by that can go suck a fuck.

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"Relationships are about different dynamics and what works for two people..

Don’t think swinging couples have the perfect relationships...

Look around in clubs or on here ..

Years ago i used to meet couples but wouldn’t now as your always the outsider on other peoples games ..

Look around in clubs at the women prancing about in they’re undies and looking good whilst hubby who’s lost his hair and gained a few pounds gets off on watching her ..

Ofcourse you’ll all disagree with me because you’ve got such perfect relationships lol

As I say it’s about a dynamic that works ..

Hard to have a vanilla relationship after you’ve been a swinger .. "

Has it occurred to you that the fit wife that prances around in front of her hubby who’s lost his hair and gained a few pounds , may be doing it because she loves the fact that he enjoys getting off watching her ?

I’m not surprised you stopped seeing couples as it seems you don’t really have any idea of the dynamic that couples have . Or at least you seem to have decided in your mind what’s going on in a couples relationship . You say you’ve had the female half of a couple asking to meet you covertly , perhaps that’s it ? You are tarring us all with the same brush . Just as some couples tar single guys with the same tainted brush because the odd one doesn’t get it , and tries to meet the female on her own .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

I'm a bit confused

You're starting to sound a bit catholic. Are you saying that people who can naturally sustain one relationship with one person through their whole life are at the top of the pyramid. Then below that are people who's relationships run dry but instead of abandoning them they complement them by having lovers who help sustain them. Then beneath that are people who, when their relationship runs dry, decide to leave to pursue another relationship ???

It sounds like you're saying this but I can't believe you are as that would reflect very poorly on your own relationship. Perhaps you'd like to rethink it

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

I'm a bit confused

It sounds like you're saying this but I can't believe you are as that would reflect very poorly on your own relationship. Perhaps you'd like to rethink it "

You almost had it. See as i told you earlier, we agreed to swing before we started dating. So your ignorant hypothesis that all swingers have lost the spark for each other is wrong. But yes i am saying that genuine monogamy is the inherently superior model. Just that few people can pull it off.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

You assume that monogamous relationships are less sexually communicative than swinging relationships. That isn't so. Betrayal is betrayal it won't hurt less because you're in a monogamous relationship or be easier to forgive. In my opinion.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

I'm genuinely surprised to see you saying that. I don't personally view a person who's predisposed to monogamy by nature as morally superior to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're one of the elite Swingers. Your lifestyle is far superior to the monogamous couples. You are fucking around and cheating with consent. What an amazing relationship you have.

Incapable of a monogamous relationship and feeling guilty about wanting to fuck other people is very common in the swinging world. Acceptance of it is the best way to go. Fucking someone else behind their partner's back isn't cheating, it's Swinging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

Why do you feel superior? They are capable of loving more than one person. You love only one person but fuck around.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

I'm genuinely surprised to see you saying that. I don't personally view a person who's predisposed to monogamy by nature as morally superior to me. "

The relationship model itself is superior. Zero risk of STDs, no risk of pregnancy with people outside the marriage, no risk of falling in love with other people... let's just be honest about the fact that swinging is playing with fire and a lot of people can't handle it safely.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You almost had it. See as i told you earlier, we agreed to swing before we started dating. So your ignorant hypothesis that all swingers have lost the spark for each other is wrong. "

That certainly isn't my hypothesis. I've been hammering on about the majority... not all. And the population I'm talking about is people who've tried swinging and open relationships... not swingers. The majority who've tried swinging and open relationships have lost the spark for each other.

I wonder if it's right to turn swinging convention on its head and posit that couples who come to swinging relatively early in their relationship are likely doing it for the right reason compared to those who come to it later. I also like the idea of stating specifically that the best swingers are monogamous swingers. But I haven't yet figured out quite how to phrase that

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

Why do you feel superior? They are capable of loving more than one person. You love only one person but fuck around. "

Because the consquences of marital breakdown, especially ones with children involved, are severe and proven in the social sciences. Inconvenient as that is to people who need a pat on the back for all their bad lifestyle choices.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Assuming that a monogamous relationship is healthy for either the couple or any children simply by virtue of sexual monogamy is beyond naive.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"You almost had it. See as i told you earlier, we agreed to swing before we started dating. So your ignorant hypothesis that all swingers have lost the spark for each other is wrong.

Agree.

In our popular culture, being cheated on is immediately accepted as a reason to end a marriage. I just think most people would benefit from questioning that assumption a bit more deeply.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Assuming that a monogamous relationship is healthy for either the couple or any children simply by virtue of sexual monogamy is beyond naive."

Nothing I'm saying on this matter is naive, it's statistical fact. I do understand that most readers of the forum don't understand probability and think exceptions prove the rule.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

I'm genuinely surprised to see you saying that. I don't personally view a person who's predisposed to monogamy by nature as morally superior to me.

I see. Pretty much why society insists on monogamy then.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Because the consquences of marital breakdown, especially ones with children involved, are severe and proven in the social sciences. Inconvenient as that is to people who need a pat on the back for all their bad lifestyle choices. "

See... there you go sounding all Catholic again. Try ranking these three scenarios in preference...

1) A happy relationship with kids

2) An unhappy relationship with kids kept together by the fact the parents are off fucking other people

3) An unhappy relationship with kids that split and now both parents are in happy relationships with other people and share the kids between them

I know which order most sane people would put those in (hint... they're currently in the wrong order)

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It’s been great for our relationship, her ex cheated, with swinging she has no worries about betrayal as we are totally honest. Communication is vital!

Emotionally we are a solid couple; we only play occasionally to ensure its a kinky thrill, and not a basis for a relationship.

Swingers still cheat, there's never any guarantee just because people swing they won't cheat. In or sense swinging actually opens up more opportunities to cheat if someone wanted to.

It's interesting that many believe that swingers don't cheat or that their relationships are automatically better or in some way superior.

I'm genuinely surprised to see you saying that. I don't personally view a person who's predisposed to monogamy by nature as morally superior to me.

I see. Pretty much why society insists on monogamy then."

So here's the thing, humans are absolutely obsessed with property rights. So if you don't have birth control then you need sexuality regulated. Now if your men periodically go off to war and get slaughtered, them polygamy will be great because the men that survive war can re-populate quicker. In a world with standing armies and no birth control then monogamy is absolutely the way to go. But what we have today is birth control and the majority of male brains descended from polygamous fathers.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

See... there you go sounding all Catholic again. Try ranking these three scenarios in preference...

1) A happy relationship with kids

2) An unhappy relationship with kids kept together by the fact the parents are off fucking other people

3) An unhappy relationship with kids that split and now both parents are in happy relationships with other people and share the kids between them

I know which order most sane people would put those in (hint... they're currently in the wrong order) "

That's the false dichotomy that people always trot out because they need a pat on the back for their shitty lifestyle choices. If you can't hold a happy marriage together for 18 years then simply don't get married or don't have kids until you develop the necessary skills. Nobody is forced to get married or have kids.

Turn off the disney films. Put down the dating books on how to pull hot women and pick up the social science literature that will tell you very clearly how you can have a successful marriage.

Spolier alert: it starts with picking someone for the right reasons.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

See... there you go sounding all Catholic again. Try ranking these three scenarios in preference...

1) A happy relationship with kids

2) An unhappy relationship with kids kept together by the fact the parents are off fucking other people

3) An unhappy relationship with kids that split and now both parents are in happy relationships with other people and share the kids between them

I know which order most sane people would put those in (hint... they're currently in the wrong order)

Turn off the disney films. Put down the dating books on how to pull hot women and pick up the social science literature that will tell you very clearly how you can have a successful marriage.

Spolier alert: it starts with picking someone for the right reasons. "

Why is it only ever you posting in the forum? Is your wife allowed an opinion or does she swing because that's what you told her she must do the first day you met?

She will of course say it's what she wants to do even if she hates it. You told her from day 1 that you will fuck other women whether she likes it or not. You didn't have a relationship before swinging, there was no debate like with couples that are already happy together and later mutually agree to swing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I daren't look at your profile Broken but I'd hazard a guess that you're in your 20s

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I daren't look at your profile Broken but I'd hazard a guess that you're in your 20s"

Why not just look

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I daren't look at your profile Broken but I'd hazard a guess that you're in your 20s"

Apologies if that came across as ad hominem. It's just that there is a way of looking at the world which is very black and white which 20 somethings (particularly men) tend to adopt with a forceful arrogance which they imagine to be characterful. It's a view which they imagine and protest loudly to be based on the very stoutest science. It often lends itself either to right wing thinking or atheism or both. And it works by simplifying the fuck out of reality and marrying that with a callous lack of empathy for those who "made shitty life choices". Luckily it's usually a view that people grow out of once they've lived a little.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I daren't look at your profile Broken but I'd hazard a guess that you're in your 20s

Well a lot of nonsense there since right wing beliefs are negatively correlated with athiesm. It's called hyperbole and it's a filter on people who only have the ability to talk about feelings rather than facts, i wouldn't include you in that by the way.

I find that the current British culture is one of extreme narcissism where people can't stand any criticism, even objective criticism backed by hard facts. If you look at hofstedes cultural research, you'll see that Britain is an extreme culture for individualism and so this type of narcissism is most commonly found in those countries, which british people mistake as being a universal norm.

I'm sorry if you mistake doing research and knowing facts as a "black and white" world view. But i don't have the cognitive dissonance to pretend all lifestyle choices lead to equally good outcomes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I daren't look at your profile Broken but I'd hazard a guess that you're in your 20s

I'm sorry if you mistake doing research and knowing facts as a "black and white" world view. But i don't have the cognitive dissonance to pretend all lifestyle choices lead to equally good outcomes. "

Why do you think right wing beliefs are negatively correlated with atheism? (warning! this is a trick question

)

Again you are pushing statistics without the slightest sign of having awareness of the real world. You do know that in communist countries atheism is the state religion?!

You talk about narcissists who can't take criticism as being a core problem you've set yourself against. And then you accuse others of cognitive dissonance. Come on dude. Take a look in the mirror. I don't want to get at you. I don't want this to turn personal. I just think you need a little more humanity and perhaps humility in your views.

Life happens. What was once a great life choice shrivels up and dies. Leaving us with a set of mediocre life choices to choose from. That's life. Given the choice of maintaining a shrivelled relationship on the back of fucking other people or just leaving and trying to make a better go of life I know what I'd choose

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I daren't look at your profile Broken but I'd hazard a guess that you're in your 20s

I'm sorry if you mistake doing research and knowing facts as a "black and white" world view. But i don't have the cognitive dissonance to pretend all lifestyle choices lead to equally good outcomes.

Why do you think right wing beliefs are negatively correlated with atheism? (warning! this is a trick question

)

Again you are pushing statistics without the slightest sign of having awareness of the real world. You do know that in communist countries atheism is the state religion?!

Atheism is not a state religion anywhere...by it's very nature a-theism is not a religion...

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

Again you are pushing statistics without the slightest sign of having awareness of the real world. "

Actually that's what you are doing. You're so desperate to maintain your world view that you stoop to ad hominem attacks because it's clear your extra 7 years on this planet has not primarily been spent reading social science literature.

Tell me why you think right wing beliefs negatively correlate with atheism and i'll explain why you're wrong and what it is about your personality that caused you to be wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

See... there you go sounding all Catholic again. Try ranking these three scenarios in preference...

1) A happy relationship with kids

2) An unhappy relationship with kids kept together by the fact the parents are off fucking other people

3) An unhappy relationship with kids that split and now both parents are in happy relationships with other people and share the kids between them

I know which order most sane people would put those in (hint... they're currently in the wrong order)

Turn off the disney films. Put down the dating books on how to pull hot women and pick up the social science literature that will tell you very clearly how you can have a successful marriage.

Spolier alert: it starts with picking someone for the right reasons.

Why is it only ever you posting in the forum? Is your wife allowed an opinion or does she swing because that's what you told her she must do the first day you met?

I find it fascinating that you haven't replied to this. Looks like I guessed right.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

No i just don't respond to personal attacks from people whose intelligence i don't rate to start with. I think the reasonably intelligent reader of the forum can see how low you need to stoop to try and make a point.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No i just don't respond to personal attacks from people whose intelligence i don't rate to start with. I think the reasonably intelligent reader of the forum can see how low you need to stoop to try and make a point. "

Aren't you going to back your opinion up with statistics? Without stats it means nothing. So you always say.

I was commenting on points made earlier in the thread. As Swinging Elite Leader I thought you would have the answer. I'm disappointed but not at all surprised.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

Aren't you going to back your opinion up with statistics? Without stats it means nothing. So you always say.

I was commenting on points made earlier in the thread. As Swinging Elite Leader I thought you would have the answer. I'm disappointed but not at all surprised. "

No, you were making person attacks and dressing them up as a question. If i had any respect for your opinion then i may be bothered to disprove you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tell me why you think right wing beliefs negatively correlate with atheism and i'll explain why you're wrong and what it is about your personality that caused you to be wrong."

I already said... because atheism is the state religion of communist societies. Add to that the hotbed of right wing thought in the world being simplistic black and white minded creationist anti-communist middle America. Those two features alone render any remark about statistical correlation useless unless they're taken into account. I await your counter with curiosity.

Personally I don't have my flag hitched to atheists being right wingers. I know plenty of left wingers who are atheist. I suspect that when everything is taken into account political views have little correlation with atheism. I merely stated that the kind of heartless black and white "it's all statistical fact" simplism that it feels you're pushing tends to lead to either right wing thought or atheism or sometimes both. This is because both thrive on that simplistic unrealistic outlook. That's all.

btw For passers by... we veered off the subject of this thread because Broken started asserting that science shows we're not monogamous and that it was scientifically proven that people who stay in crappy relationships but fuck other people to endure it are higher up the moral pyramid than people who leave. Or some such rubbish

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Tell me why you think right wing beliefs negatively correlate with atheism and i'll explain why you're wrong and what it is about your personality that caused you to be wrong.

No, the best estimates of evolutionary psychologists are that 70% are predisposed away from monogamy and 30% towards, it's not one or the other.

The reason atheism negatively correlates with atheism is nothing to do with left wing / communist athiest regimes. You give the studies too much credit! The negative correlation is found within democratic countries without sampling the world. It is because when you look at the big 5 personality traits, orderliness (part of conscientiousness) is the best predictor of religious belief and the second best predictor of right wing political beliefs.

One the subject of the big 5, i would bet serious money that you are high in the 'compassion' dimension which clouds your judgement to perform objective analysis. You are seeing what you want to see. Didn't any of your dating books mention the big 5?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

*quietly munches her popcorn in the corner*

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tell me why you think right wing beliefs negatively correlate with atheism and i'll explain why you're wrong and what it is about your personality that caused you to be wrong.

No, the best estimates of evolutionary psychologists are that 70% are predisposed away from monogamy and 30% towards, it's not one or the other.

Evolutionary psychology?!? Don't get me started

Is that where you've been getting your "facts" from? Psychology is bad enough... but evolutionary psychology?!? That's like piling bs on top of bs

As an olive leaf I'm happy to admit that I'm fully clouded and quite happily so

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Tell me why you think right wing beliefs negatively correlate with atheism and i'll explain why you're wrong and what it is about your personality that caused you to be wrong.

No, the best estimates of evolutionary psychologists are that 70% are predisposed away from monogamy and 30% towards, it's not one or the other.

Evolutionary psychology?!? Don't get me started

Is that where you've been getting your "facts" from? Psychology is bad enough... but evolutionary psychology?!? That's like piling bs on top of bs

As an olive leaf I'm happy to admit that I'm fully clouded and quite happily so

Which academic discipline did you think would try and predict people's predisposition towards monogamy or non-monogamy!?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tell me why you think right wing beliefs negatively correlate with atheism and i'll explain why you're wrong and what it is about your personality that caused you to be wrong.

No, the best estimates of evolutionary psychologists are that 70% are predisposed away from monogamy and 30% towards, it's not one or the other.

Evolutionary psychology?!? Don't get me started

Is that where you've been getting your "facts" from? Psychology is bad enough... but evolutionary psychology?!? That's like piling bs on top of bs

As an olive leaf I'm happy to admit that I'm fully clouded and quite happily so

Which academic discipline did you think would try and predict people's predisposition towards monogamy or non-monogamy!?

Not one which can't even prove the very premise it's based on. That would've been a better start

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Tell me why you think right wing beliefs negatively correlate with atheism and i'll explain why you're wrong and what it is about your personality that caused you to be wrong.

No, the best estimates of evolutionary psychologists are that 70% are predisposed away from monogamy and 30% towards, it's not one or the other.

Evolutionary psychology?!? Don't get me started

Is that where you've been getting your "facts" from? Psychology is bad enough... but evolutionary psychology?!? That's like piling bs on top of bs

As an olive leaf I'm happy to admit that I'm fully clouded and quite happily so

Which academic discipline did you think would try and predict people's predisposition towards monogamy or non-monogamy!?

Not one which can't even prove the very premise it's based on. That would've been a better start "

If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong. "

Interesting reading thanks. Not too sure I'm on board with the whole lexical hypothesis thing. It strikes me as pretty abstracted from reality... that you can say something about psychology based on the study of language. Hmm. That sounds like animal behaviourist quackery. I wonder what Wittgenstein would've made of it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hahaha this thread

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hahaha this thread

Sorry wrong thread I mean the one above the one under this one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hahaha this thread

Sorry wrong thread I mean the one above the one under this one "

And from your use of language I hereby diagnose you as having a personality centred entirely around that big 5 model trait known as "beardedness"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hahaha this thread

Sorry wrong thread I mean the one above the one under this one

And from your use of language I hereby diagnose you as having a personality centred entirely around that big 5 model trait known as "beardedness"

I wouldn't contradict you in case you'd add that I am also a borderline lunatic asshole

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

You build a model of what you think personality is. You measure people against it and get some data. Then you see if that data can make valid predictions about the future. Once your model is doing that reasonably accurately then i don't know what basis you have to criticise. It's perfectly valid from a scientific standpoint, way more so than half the stuff people are inclined to believe about physics.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hahaha this thread

Sorry wrong thread I mean the one above the one under this one

And from your use of language I hereby diagnose you as having a personality centred entirely around that big 5 model trait known as "beardedness"

I wouldn't contradict you in case you'd add that I am also a borderline lunatic asshole "

Who me? No. Can't you tell from my use of language that my personality is centred wholly around that other big 5 model trait "someone who never mentions arseholes in case someone thinks they're bi"

You're just borderline lunatic... and I like borderline lunatics

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hahaha this thread

Sorry wrong thread I mean the one above the one under this one

And from your use of language I hereby diagnose you as having a personality centred entirely around that big 5 model trait known as "beardedness"

I wouldn't contradict you in case you'd add that I am also a borderline lunatic asshole

Who me? No. Can't you tell from my use of language that my personality is centred wholly around that other big 5 model trait "someone who never mentions arseholes in case someone thinks they're bi"

You're just borderline lunatic... and I like borderline lunatics

Let me fuck your ass please ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

On the face of it that seems fine. But we both know it's more complex than that. All sorts of crackpot theories have enjoyed relative predictive success in the past. Just a quick Wikipedia shows there's plenty of basis for criticism. From what little I've read of it I'd say they've got a point. There's no doubt about it, good science requires good thinking at the very start. If its premise is flawed it's doomed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hahaha this thread

Sorry wrong thread I mean the one above the one under this one

And from your use of language I hereby diagnose you as having a personality centred entirely around that big 5 model trait known as "beardedness"

I wouldn't contradict you in case you'd add that I am also a borderline lunatic asshole

Who me? No. Can't you tell from my use of language that my personality is centred wholly around that other big 5 model trait "someone who never mentions arseholes in case someone thinks they're bi"

You're just borderline lunatic... and I like borderline lunatics

Let me fuck your ass please ?"

Would a donkey suffice?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hahaha this thread

Sorry wrong thread I mean the one above the one under this one

And from your use of language I hereby diagnose you as having a personality centred entirely around that big 5 model trait known as "beardedness"

I wouldn't contradict you in case you'd add that I am also a borderline lunatic asshole

Who me? No. Can't you tell from my use of language that my personality is centred wholly around that other big 5 model trait "someone who never mentions arseholes in case someone thinks they're bi"

You're just borderline lunatic... and I like borderline lunatics

Let me fuck your ass please ?

Would a donkey suffice?

Depends... Is it a conservatist donkey ?

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

Really

There's a lot of creationists in america that you mentioned, do they make you question evolution as a principle? Is biology wrong because it's got critics. How about the flat earthers, shall we throw out physics because of them?

The critics of the big 5 are morons who don't understand what it is / don't understand statistics or are getting paid to try and promote an alternative model.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

Really

The critics of the big 5 are morons who don't understand what it is / don't understand statistics or are getting paid to try and promote an alternative model. "

To quote, do you believe "that it is possible to derive a comprehensive taxonomy of human personality traits by sampling language"?

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By *ynecplCouple over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

It's about communication, at the end of the night we know we are going home with each other. We don't do anything without agreeing to it first and not stepping outside of those boundaries. It's all about trust.

Cheating would be concealing from one another and doing things behind the other backs

If somebody is the type of person who gets jealous seeing their partner with somebody else then would suggest they should swing.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

Really

The critics of the big 5 are morons who don't understand what it is / don't understand statistics or are getting paid to try and promote an alternative model.

To quote, do you believe "that it is possible to derive a comprehensive taxonomy of human personality traits by sampling language"? "

I believe in the scientific method. Predict something, test it measure it. You really need to do a bit better than 'some retard on wikipedia said x'. You are clearly new to the Big 5 so maybe educate yourself more before you go on the offensive about it. It's backed by a lot of science and you look a bit foolish with selective Wikipedia quotes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

Really

The critics of the big 5 are morons who don't understand what it is / don't understand statistics or are getting paid to try and promote an alternative model.

To quote, do you believe "that it is possible to derive a comprehensive taxonomy of human personality traits by sampling language"?

Err I haven't quoted any Wikipedia retards. I haven't even tried to riff some impromptu critique of a theory I admittedly know little about. However it's pretty frigging clear off the bat that the theory is based on the conviction "that it is possible to derive a comprehensive taxonomy of human personality traits by sampling language". That is the basis of the theory isn't it? I merely asked if you believe that. If you don't, the "it's backed by a lot of sciencey wiencey thinky stuff" defence sounds just as childish to me

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

Really

The critics of the big 5 are morons who don't understand what it is / don't understand statistics or are getting paid to try and promote an alternative model.

To quote, do you believe "that it is possible to derive a comprehensive taxonomy of human personality traits by sampling language"?

Not really. If a model predicts 10 and you test it in the real world and find 10. Then repeat the study and find 10 again and again. What are you complaining about? Is the scientific method not good enough for you?

I don't need to concern myself with wikipedia opinions on whether something should work or not. You just need to pick up a peer reviewed journal and see if it does work.

As i say, you don't care about flat earthers or creationists, so why should i care about whats on wikipedia.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

Really

The critics of the big 5 are morons who don't understand what it is / don't understand statistics or are getting paid to try and promote an alternative model.

To quote, do you believe "that it is possible to derive a comprehensive taxonomy of human personality traits by sampling language"?

I don't need to concern myself with wikipedia opinions on whether something should work or not. You just need to pick up a peer reviewed journal and see if it does work.

As i say, you don't care about flat earthers or creationists, so why should i care about whats on wikipedia. "

You really are maddeningly illogical. What the heck does Wikipedia have to do with any of this? The premise of your beloved theory, whether you like it or not, whether it was quoted from Wikipedia or an official journal on the subject, is "that it is possible to derive a comprehensive taxonomy of human personality traits by sampling language". I've asked you several times if you believe that and you've shirked affirming that as if it's blatantly clear to you that to admit as much would be absurd.

Can I therefore say that you do indeed believe this premise if only by proxy due to the fact that the statistics bear it out? I'm asking for some clear thinking. Over this thread you've shown confusion over statistics and populations and sample sizes and all kinds of stuff. It hasn't been a great advert dude

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

btw thanks for being my foil Broken. I do find you frustrating. But at least you're thought provoking, even if you are inflexible. For most of the last 48 hours I've been laid up with manflu. So you've been the unfortunate recipient of my grumpy man act. Sorry

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"If you understood the big 5 model then you'd know why you are wrong.

Really

The critics of the big 5 are morons who don't understand what it is / don't understand statistics or are getting paid to try and promote an alternative model.

To quote, do you believe "that it is possible to derive a comprehensive taxonomy of human personality traits by sampling language"?

I don't need to concern myself with wikipedia opinions on whether something should work or not. You just need to pick up a peer reviewed journal and see if it does work.

As i say, you don't care about flat earthers or creationists, so why should i care about whats on wikipedia.

Your question doesn't make any sense. They didn't develop it only by sampling language, it's developed from factor analysis. You have indeed taken a quote from wikipedia that isn't referenced to anything or anyone it's just a standalone opinion on a wiki without even the author stated. It's flat out wrong and that's why universities don't allow wikipedia as a source.

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By *artholomew RobertsMan over a year ago

Near Diss

It's a good question, but there is no one answer to it. My wife and I started swinging many years ago and had a very wonderful time with a number of other couples. I absolutely loved watching my petite wife cumming heavily on another guys cock and I felt no feelings of jealousy at all, just a huge feeling of sexual arousal. My job used to take me away for four or five weeks at a time and I had four or five weeks off when I got back home and we then both carried out lots of swinging in that time. However, my dear wife would still enjoy swinging with our friends when I was away and she described what she'd been doing on the phone when we spoke, leaving me very horny which I'm not too embarrassed to admit often resulted in a thrilling masturbation session for me. Then after about two years of wonderful sex, my wife picked me up at the airport one day and announced that we had better have a talk.... It turned out she had fallen in love with another guy that she had been having sex with and even though I tried to rescue the situation it sadly ended in divorce. Of the other three married couples we used to swing with ALL of them eventually divorced. I re-married to another woman that made it clear did not want to swing at all (convent schoolgirl) and even though I would have loved to see her with another guy, it has never happened. However, we've been happily married how for over 25 years. But I have to say, I do still really miss the wonderful times that my first wife and I had all those years ago and I would love my present wife to give it a go even though I know that pitfalls certainly do lie in wait for the unwary!!

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"It's a good question, but there is no one answer to it. My wife and I started swinging many years ago and had a very wonderful time with a number of other couples. I absolutely loved watching my petite wife cumming heavily on another guys cock and I felt no feelings of jealousy at all, just a huge feeling of sexual arousal. My job used to take me away for four or five weeks at a time and I had four or five weeks off when I got back home and we then both carried out lots of swinging in that time. However, my dear wife would still enjoy swinging with our friends when I was away and she described what she'd been doing on the phone when we spoke, leaving me very horny which I'm not too embarrassed to admit often resulted in a thrilling masturbation session for me. Then after about two years of wonderful sex, my wife picked me up at the airport one day and announced that we had better have a talk.... It turned out she had fallen in love with another guy that she had been having sex with and even though I tried to rescue the situation it sadly ended in divorce. Of the other three married couples we used to swing with ALL of them eventually divorced. I re-married to another woman that made it clear did not want to swing at all (convent schoolgirl) and even though I would have loved to see her with another guy, it has never happened. However, we've been happily married how for over 25 years. But I have to say, I do still really miss the wonderful times that my first wife and I had all those years ago and I would love my present wife to give it a go even though I know that pitfalls certainly do lie in wait for the unwary!!"

That's the playing with fire aspect. We are strictly emotionally monogamous but one time i did have to stop myself seeing a certain someone for a while to cool off feelings that were developing. It worked though and we went back to normal with them after a ~9 month break.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'll soon have the last word

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No you won’t!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Be my guest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Your question doesn't make any sense. They didn't develop it only by sampling language, it's developed from factor analysis. You have indeed taken a quote from wikipedia that isn't referenced to anything or anyone it's just a standalone opinion on a wiki without even the author stated. It's flat out wrong and that's why universities don't allow wikipedia as a source. "

Factor analysis is a statistical methodology for postulating underlying themes behind datasets. I can see how big 5 thinkers would use factor analysis to support their thinking, interpreting their 5 traits at work behind everything. But I can't see how factor analysis could develop big 5 thinking. Maybe I'm being a dunce. But it strikes me that big 5 thinking is based on the premise "that it is possible to derive a comprehensive taxonomy of human personality traits by sampling language" and it uses factor analysis to support that premise

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And that I think is it!!!?

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