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Men. Is online killing your game... and your lifestyle?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As some of you will know, I've been immersing myself in dating advice these past few days and have perused an awful lot of crud but taken away some gems. This thread is about one of them... approach anxiety.
You're sat at home. The thought of going out and approaching women fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can message any random woman and even show her your nib. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
You're sat at home. The thought of networking and forging new business contacts fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can follow and friend all the big cheeses around the world. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
Are you hiding behind the web and letting your life skills decay and life pass you by? Wake up guys!
Instead of investing your precious time in messaging women and getting no replies on here you should be out eliciting real reactions from real women. Men. You need to know what women want, how they respond. You can't learn this from sites where women simply don't interact with you. You need to maximise your interaction with women. That's why the forums here are the saving grace of Fab. It's the only place where we really all learn more about each other and our needs. You need to approach... fail fail fail and get a feel for what it is women are looking for. The silent treatment on sites like this isn't going to help you do that.
Also, the whole dynamics of online is wrong for connecting with women. Think about it. Opposites attract. You're really attracted to women right? What types of women? Butch women? Maybe. But most men are attracted to feminine women. And guess what... women have exactly the same attraction to masculine men. Now before you all jump to the conclusion that I'm suggesting they all like muscle bound hunks I'm not saying that. They just like a man to be a man. To have confidence. To have opinions. To know what they want. To have ambitions. These things are to women what 32D's are to men. They're sexy.
But, and this is a big but, what the fuck is masculine about hiding out online and trying to say the right thing to get a woman to meet you? The whole set up is weak. And as it's weak, as it's un-masculine, it's unattractive. No wonder then that the predominant culture on the forums is beta male shaming. Surely the mere fact that we're on here must mean we're beta males. Right? The alphas aren't on here. They're out there, breezing past what little approach anxiety they have, and getting laid hardcore. That's where the action is going on. Out there. This is where the pussies end up.
Oh boy I'm gonna so enjoy reading this thread  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As some of you will know, I've been immersing myself in dating advice these past few days and have perused an awful lot of crud but taken away some gems. This thread is about one of them... approach anxiety.
You're sat at home. The thought of going out and approaching women fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can message any random woman and even show her your nib. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
You're sat at home. The thought of networking and forging new business contacts fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can follow and friend all the big cheeses around the world. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
Are you hiding behind the web and letting your life skills decay and life pass you by? Wake up guys!
Instead of investing your precious time in messaging women and getting no replies on here you should be out eliciting real reactions from real women. Men. You need to know what women want, how they respond. You can't learn this from sites where women simply don't interact with you. You need to maximise your interaction with women. That's why the forums here are the saving grace of Fab. It's the only place where we really all learn more about each other and our needs. You need to approach... fail fail fail and get a feel for what it is women are looking for. The silent treatment on sites like this isn't going to help you do that.
Also, the whole dynamics of online is wrong for connecting with women. Think about it. Opposites attract. You're really attracted to women right? What types of women? Butch women? Maybe. But most men are attracted to feminine women. And guess what... women have exactly the same attraction to masculine men. Now before you all jump to the conclusion that I'm suggesting they all like muscle bound hunks I'm not saying that. They just like a man to be a man. To have confidence. To have opinions. To know what they want. To have ambitions. These things are to women what 32D's are to men. They're sexy.
But, and this is a big but, what the fuck is masculine about hiding out online and trying to say the right thing to get a woman to meet you? The whole set up is weak. And as it's weak, as it's un-masculine, it's unattractive. No wonder then that the predominant culture on the forums is beta male shaming. Surely the mere fact that we're on here must mean we're beta males. Right? The alphas aren't on here. They're out there, breezing past what little approach anxiety they have, and getting laid hardcore. That's where the action is going on. Out there. This is where the pussies end up.
Oh boy I'm gonna so enjoy reading this thread "
Was gonna respond with a wickedly witty repast but my mum says my tea's ready |
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"As some of you will know, I've been immersing myself in dating advice these past few days and have perused an awful lot of crud but taken away some gems. This thread is about one of them... approach anxiety.
You're sat at home. The thought of going out and approaching women fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can message any random woman and even show her your nib. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
You're sat at home. The thought of networking and forging new business contacts fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can follow and friend all the big cheeses around the world. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
Are you hiding behind the web and letting your life skills decay and life pass you by? Wake up guys!
Instead of investing your precious time in messaging women and getting no replies on here you should be out eliciting real reactions from real women. Men. You need to know what women want, how they respond. You can't learn this from sites where women simply don't interact with you. You need to maximise your interaction with women. That's why the forums here are the saving grace of Fab. It's the only place where we really all learn more about each other and our needs. You need to approach... fail fail fail and get a feel for what it is women are looking for. The silent treatment on sites like this isn't going to help you do that.
Also, the whole dynamics of online is wrong for connecting with women. Think about it. Opposites attract. You're really attracted to women right? What types of women? Butch women? Maybe. But most men are attracted to feminine women. And guess what... women have exactly the same attraction to masculine men. Now before you all jump to the conclusion that I'm suggesting they all like muscle bound hunks I'm not saying that. They just like a man to be a man. To have confidence. To have opinions. To know what they want. To have ambitions. These things are to women what 32D's are to men. They're sexy.
But, and this is a big but, what the fuck is masculine about hiding out online and trying to say the right thing to get a woman to meet you? The whole set up is weak. And as it's weak, as it's un-masculine, it's unattractive. No wonder then that the predominant culture on the forums is beta male shaming. Surely the mere fact that we're on here must mean we're beta males. Right? The alphas aren't on here. They're out there, breezing past what little approach anxiety they have, and getting laid hardcore. That's where the action is going on. Out there. This is where the pussies end up.
Oh boy I'm gonna so enjoy reading this thread "
Fair points.
I cringe when I see blokes on the forum desperately trying to win favour with the ladies by lapping around them like little puppies. |
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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
Good point
It's true that you can be whoever you want in an email or text and you may have more confidence to say things you wouldn't normally say in person (online persona), but doesn't reflect the type of person you really are? (not you OP- generalisation). Is coming across as confident and witty online when in person you're actually a jibbering wreck any different to a guy pretending to be a girl for wank fodder?
What it really boils down to is that you're either a good communicator or you're not. If you have to pretend or hide behind a computer or smart phone then maybe you're not and sooner or later the person on the other end is going to spot that.
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Of course I have approach anxiety.
The idea of walking up to a couple in a pub and trying to chat up both of them at once is scary.
Perhaps I should just take a leaf from the alpha-est male, and grab them by the pussy?
The mistake is that many people confuse dating sites and also fab, as dating or swinging. They are introduction sites, where you can arrange a meet with someone similarly interested.
When you turn up, then you can deploy the social skills and impress them.
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I have to say I disagree to some elements in your opening gambit, there are indeed Alphas here, who come here for the same reason as others, to cut the preamble and meet like minded fuckers without the need for the dating bollocks.
I can't meet a vanilla guy in the pub and ascertain if he'd be into cuck, strap on, bondage stuff, without a lot of time spent. Or a woman in a bar who may or may not be bi, or want me to get in bed between her and her husband.
Here everyone is up front about wants and needs , just keeps things simple.
So no I don't think it's just for people who can't cut it in the real world , it just makes life simpler |
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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
"I have to say I disagree to some elements in your opening gambit, there are indeed Alphas here, who come here for the same reason as others, to cut the preamble and meet like minded fuckers without the need for the dating bollocks.
I can't meet a vanilla guy in the pub and ascertain if he'd be into cuck, strap on, bondage stuff, without a lot of time spent. Or a woman in a bar who may or may not be bi, or want me to get in bed between her and her husband.
Here everyone is up front about wants and needs , just keeps things simple.
So no I don't think it's just for people who can't cut it in the real world , it just makes life simpler "
Couldn't agree more
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I think the term Alpha Beta etc should be consigned to the place where all other labels should go.
I’m a normal looking and acting Male who hangs out on the internet far more than I should.
Last year I went through a horrific break up and thought that was it for me. I was ready to buy cats and live alone.
After emerging from the doldrums I set to work. I had some very sexy meets from here that gave me my “game” back. I then set out to find a partner via the internet. Spent some time dating a couple of different ladies where I held my own in conversation I have found a lady who I’m now looking forward to seeing where it goes.
The internet does not make you “Beta”. For me it was a convenient way of setting up dates that would have taken countless hours and days trawling bars for. I didn’t have the time or market for that in the sticks.
I’m not ashamed of meeting my partner online and will happily recount my success rather than hide it.
I say to people paddle your own canoe when it comes to dating. Don’t listen to generic dating advice. |
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"Of course I have approach anxiety.
The idea of walking up to a couple in a pub and trying to chat up both of them at once is scary.
Perhaps I should just take a leaf from the alpha-est male, and grab them by the pussy?
The mistake is that many people confuse dating sites and also fab, as dating or swinging. They are introduction sites, where you can arrange a meet with someone similarly interested.
When you turn up, then you can deploy the social skills and impress them.
"
I agree. Eventually (in some cases anyway) on line interaction turns into actually meeting. The internet is a version of the introduction agency of old but we do all the work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think all this MRA inspired drivel is inaccurrate, and patronising to both men and women and perpetuates some really nasty ideas. This assumption that everyone is playing some sort of game all the time, it's ridiculous.People are still people whether online or in real life and ,i'm sure i'm not alone, when i say i would want to communicate with someone with no hidden agenda, not sitting there trying to work out what neat little 'game' they are playing just to flatter their own egos and somehow feel they're getting one over on me to play to some nonsense they've read on a blog. |
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Your decision your life but get out into the real world and live.
No ones going to lie on there death bed and think I wish I'd spent more time on the computer however you'll probably wish you'd experienced more real world sights etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As some of you will know, I've been immersing myself in dating advice these past few days and have perused an awful lot of crud but taken away some gems. This thread is about one of them... approach anxiety.
You're sat at home. The thought of going out and approaching women fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can message any random woman and even show her your nib. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
You're sat at home. The thought of networking and forging new business contacts fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can follow and friend all the big cheeses around the world. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
Are you hiding behind the web and letting your life skills decay and life pass you by? Wake up guys!
Instead of investing your precious time in messaging women and getting no replies on here you should be out eliciting real reactions from real women. Men. You need to know what women want, how they respond. You can't learn this from sites where women simply don't interact with you. You need to maximise your interaction with women. That's why the forums here are the saving grace of Fab. It's the only place where we really all learn more about each other and our needs. You need to approach... fail fail fail and get a feel for what it is women are looking for. The silent treatment on sites like this isn't going to help you do that.
Also, the whole dynamics of online is wrong for connecting with women. Think about it. Opposites attract. You're really attracted to women right? What types of women? Butch women? Maybe. But most men are attracted to feminine women. And guess what... women have exactly the same attraction to masculine men. Now before you all jump to the conclusion that I'm suggesting they all like muscle bound hunks I'm not saying that. They just like a man to be a man. To have confidence. To have opinions. To know what they want. To have ambitions. These things are to women what 32D's are to men. They're sexy.
But, and this is a big but, what the fuck is masculine about hiding out online and trying to say the right thing to get a woman to meet you? The whole set up is weak. And as it's weak, as it's un-masculine, it's unattractive. No wonder then that the predominant culture on the forums is beta male shaming. Surely the mere fact that we're on here must mean we're beta males. Right? The alphas aren't on here. They're out there, breezing past what little approach anxiety they have, and getting laid hardcore. That's where the action is going on. Out there. This is where the pussies end up.
Oh boy I'm gonna so enjoy reading this thread "
Fair points.
in the end most people can make people feel unwelcome too i would say. |
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I don't have approach anxiety in regards to the fear of being knocked back - for me I think it's more the case of having an overdeveloped British sense of passive politeness, in which you mind your own business and don't bother anybody.
I wouldn't care about being shot down - I've got a pretty thick skin - but the voice in my head goes "No, don't bother them, they're just trying to enjoy their evening, they don't want to be creeped on" |
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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"As some of you will know, I've been immersing myself in dating advice these past few days and have perused an awful lot of crud but taken away some gems. This thread is about one of them... approach anxiety.
You're sat at home. The thought of going out and approaching women fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can message any random woman and even show her your nib. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
You're sat at home. The thought of networking and forging new business contacts fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can follow and friend all the big cheeses around the world. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
Are you hiding behind the web and letting your life skills decay and life pass you by? Wake up guys!
Instead of investing your precious time in messaging women and getting no replies on here you should be out eliciting real reactions from real women. Men. You need to know what women want, how they respond. You can't learn this from sites where women simply don't interact with you. You need to maximise your interaction with women. That's why the forums here are the saving grace of Fab. It's the only place where we really all learn more about each other and our needs. You need to approach... fail fail fail and get a feel for what it is women are looking for. The silent treatment on sites like this isn't going to help you do that.
Also, the whole dynamics of online is wrong for connecting with women. Think about it. Opposites attract. You're really attracted to women right? What types of women? Butch women? Maybe. But most men are attracted to feminine women. And guess what... women have exactly the same attraction to masculine men. Now before you all jump to the conclusion that I'm suggesting they all like muscle bound hunks I'm not saying that. They just like a man to be a man. To have confidence. To have opinions. To know what they want. To have ambitions. These things are to women what 32D's are to men. They're sexy.
But, and this is a big but, what the fuck is masculine about hiding out online and trying to say the right thing to get a woman to meet you? The whole set up is weak. And as it's weak, as it's un-masculine, it's unattractive. No wonder then that the predominant culture on the forums is beta male shaming. Surely the mere fact that we're on here must mean we're beta males. Right? The alphas aren't on here. They're out there, breezing past what little approach anxiety they have, and getting laid hardcore. That's where the action is going on. Out there. This is where the pussies end up.
Oh boy I'm gonna so enjoy reading this thread
Was gonna respond with a wickedly witty repast but my mum says my tea's ready"
Fish finger butties?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Some truth to this, and I do wonder what a lot of younger single guys get out of this site. For those of us who are older and attached and looking for a bit of excitement, this site is pretty good, as long as you dont take the 95% of knockbacks personally, and accept that any opportunity for a meet will probably be rare. Its not really an option for us to go downtown and try pick up women. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Your decision your life but get out into the real world and live.
No ones going to lie on there death bed and think I wish I'd spent more time on the computer however you'll probably wish you'd experienced more real world sights etc"
 There are an inordinate amount of men on here wasting their time trying to connect with women and getting absolutely nowhere... never getting a response and learning absolutely nothing about what a woman wants. Meanwhile, down the road, there are women in pubs and clubs who may well be approachable and even if you failed big time with them at least you'd have some feedback and be able to improve things.
Joining sites like this can be a bit like joining an online gym. No matter how much work you put into your online gym you're never going to build one single muscle.
As scary as it is... the only step forward is the step outside that door. This of course only applies to single guys looking for nsa sex, hookups and dates |
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I never struggled on here as a single guy. You just need a relaxed approach some half decent pics and a personality . I’m not an alpha male, but I managed to get two girls phone numbers last night on a vanilla night out with friends.
If you are struggling you need to look at yourself and your profile because there are plenty of females and couples that meet guys .
Beards  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I find it odd that a site so clearly aimed at nsa sex and hookups for guys has literally no chatter about the art of pickup. I understand that swinging is often about shaking hands on wanting to fuck and then getting down to it. But... Heck maybe that's it. I think I've just answered my own question
Personally I prefer something more seductive and alluring... a slow build... an enticing dance between two souls slowly circling in on the idea of fucking each other. Heck! In here even pickup sounds romantic! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
If you're a woman reading this thinking it's a cute thread with men getting in a tizz you're not reading it closely enough. Why are you on here? If it's to meet men then this thread should speak directly to you too. Why do you think so many guys on here are keyboard warriors? Or turn out to be nothing like their profiles or messages portray them as?
We, as a generation, have been sucked into the convenience of meeting people online. Women. You want to meet real men? Log off and get yourself out there. Men. You want to meet women? Get out there too. Then we all wouldn't have to be on these dumb dating apps any more would we?
Online is killing our society, our social life, our culture. If enough good people do nothing...
Welcome to the big nothing |
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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
I think the point most people are going to say is just be yourself on here and any of the vanilla dating sites as we'll as the real world. If you are shy then you're shy if you lack confidence then fine nothing wrong with that (most people do in some way). If someone doesn't accept you for who or what you are- move on to the next there are plenty on here.
There is no secret formula or tricks to be learned other than being honest and to the point about yourself. You're never going to appeal to everyone and like everything in life it's all about trial and error.
The beauty of Fab is that it's for people interested in a certain lifestyle so most of the hard work is done right at the beginning the only obsticals to overcome is being physically attractive and them liking your personality.
I think you're over thinking the whole thing. Why not forget everything wipe clean your profile and start again
Yes the internet has changed society. Embrace change. There is nothing stopping you chatting to people in bars and it's actually great fun but if you want to save time and get to the point the internet is there to achieve that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're a woman reading this thinking it's a cute thread with men getting in a tizz you're not reading it closely enough. Why are you on here? If it's to meet men then this thread should speak directly to you too. Why do you think so many guys on here are keyboard warriors? Or turn out to be nothing like their profiles or messages portray them as?
We, as a generation, have been sucked into the convenience of meeting people online. Women. You want to meet real men? Log off and get yourself out there. Men. You want to meet women? Get out there too. Then we all wouldn't have to be on these dumb dating apps any more would we?
Online is killing our society, our social life, our culture. If enough good people do nothing...
Welcome to the big nothing "
Then why are you here. Off you pop. |
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I think the points could have been summarized better, you lost me because the text was too long.
It has never worked out for guys who place emphasis on women while they ignore themselves , the guys who win always value themselves. These are the kind of guys women chase. Pure fact. |
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"As some of you will know, I've been immersing myself in dating advice these past few days and have perused an awful lot of crud but taken away some gems. This thread is about one of them... approach anxiety.
You're sat at home. The thought of going out and approaching women fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can message any random woman and even show her your nib. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
You're sat at home. The thought of networking and forging new business contacts fills you with fear. But luckily there's the tinternet! Now you can follow and friend all the big cheeses around the world. Who's the scaredy cat now hey?!
Are you hiding behind the web and letting your life skills decay and life pass you by? Wake up guys!
Instead of investing your precious time in messaging women and getting no replies on here you should be out eliciting real reactions from real women. Men. You need to know what women want, how they respond. You can't learn this from sites where women simply don't interact with you. You need to maximise your interaction with women. That's why the forums here are the saving grace of Fab. It's the only place where we really all learn more about each other and our needs. You need to approach... fail fail fail and get a feel for what it is women are looking for. The silent treatment on sites like this isn't going to help you do that.
Also, the whole dynamics of online is wrong for connecting with women. Think about it. Opposites attract. You're really attracted to women right? What types of women? Butch women? Maybe. But most men are attracted to feminine women. And guess what... women have exactly the same attraction to masculine men. Now before you all jump to the conclusion that I'm suggesting they all like muscle bound hunks I'm not saying that. They just like a man to be a man. To have confidence. To have opinions. To know what they want. To have ambitions. These things are to women what 32D's are to men. They're sexy.
But, and this is a big but, what the fuck is masculine about hiding out online and trying to say the right thing to get a woman to meet you? The whole set up is weak. And as it's weak, as it's un-masculine, it's unattractive. No wonder then that the predominant culture on the forums is beta male shaming. Surely the mere fact that we're on here must mean we're beta males. Right? The alphas aren't on here. They're out there, breezing past what little approach anxiety they have, and getting laid hardcore. That's where the action is going on. Out there. This is where the pussies end up.
Oh boy I'm gonna so enjoy reading this thread "
Sorry, what was the question again? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the points could have been summarized better, you lost me because the text was too long.
It has never worked out for guys who place emphasis on women while they ignore themselves , the guys who win always value themselves. These are the kind of guys women chase. Pure fact."
Fact. Unhuh.
So many men who know everything there is to know about women. Fact. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the points could have been summarized better, you lost me because the text was too long.
It has never worked out for guys who place emphasis on women while they ignore themselves , the guys who win always value themselves. These are the kind of guys women chase. Pure fact.
Fact. Unhuh.
So many men who know everything there is to know about women. Fact."
we should be grateful though!...we'd just be bumbling about, with our kitten filled little brains confusing us,tripping over our shoes without these handy instructions on how to function! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the points could have been summarized better, you lost me because the text was too long.
It has never worked out for guys who place emphasis on women while they ignore themselves , the guys who win always value themselves. These are the kind of guys women chase. Pure fact.
Fact. Unhuh.
So many men who know everything there is to know about women. Fact.
we should be grateful though!...we'd just be bumbling about, with our kitten filled little brains confusing us,tripping over our shoes without these handy instructions on how to function!"
Silly me.
I don't suppose its occurred to any of them that the actual reason they're not getting laid is they're utter cunts |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think the points could have been summarized better, you lost me because the text was too long.
It has never worked out for guys who place emphasis on women while they ignore themselves , the guys who win always value themselves. These are the kind of guys women chase. Pure fact.
Fact. Unhuh.
So many men who know everything there is to know about women. Fact.
we should be grateful though!...we'd just be bumbling about, with our kitten filled little brains confusing us,tripping over our shoes without these handy instructions on how to function!"
I'm glad this thread is amusing you women As you know there's nothing "women" want. Every woman is different and differs too. It's just about practice and exposure. Two things very few guys are getting on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the points could have been summarized better, you lost me because the text was too long.
It has never worked out for guys who place emphasis on women while they ignore themselves , the guys who win always value themselves. These are the kind of guys women chase. Pure fact.
Fact. Unhuh.
So many men who know everything there is to know about women. Fact.
we should be grateful though!...we'd just be bumbling about, with our kitten filled little brains confusing us,tripping over our shoes without these handy instructions on how to function!
I'm glad this thread is amusing you women As you know there's nothing "women" want. Every woman is different and differs too. It's just about practice and exposure. Two things very few guys are getting on here "
you are making huge assumptions about people on here. You have no idea how much time men, or women, are spending out socialising; people have jobs, most people still meet their partners there..thats the trouble with all this MRA based codswallop...vast, sweeping, inaccurrate assumptions, and often really unpleasant inferences about womens intentions.. Women are not completely stupid, nor do we spend all day working out tricks to lure unsuspecting men we aren't 'worthy' of. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Honestly, I’m happy going out and meeting new people, but things have changed. I go out with my friends to be with them, not to be in the prowl. I use this additionally. We’re here for the same reasons, to meet for sex and maybe make some friends in the process. I think we’ve developed beyond going out on the pull. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve tried dating in the real world and online and none of it has worked... trying to find someone who wants the same as me at this time seems impossible..... I don’t want much...but even with the best intentions finding someone who you connect with on all levels is mega hard and even if you do find that chances are something goes wrong or they don’t want the same as you.... dating... relationships or just fuckin is not easy!!!
When you find the answer let me know!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’ve tried dating in the real world and online and none of it has worked... trying to find someone who wants the same as me at this time seems impossible..... I don’t want much...but even with the best intentions finding someone who you connect with on all levels is mega hard and even if you do find that chances are something goes wrong or they don’t want the same as you.... dating... relationships or just fuckin is not easy!!!
When you find the answer let me know! "
I hear you. I guess the purpose of this thread is to shine a critical light on how much online is hurting that. How many of you women dating would prefer it if, after meeting you, I logged off all those online dating sites and just gave "us" a chance? Instead, the perpetual presence of other options, albeit in the background, is breeding a culture of people just endlessly moving on to the next one.
Real life isn't like that. In real life you have the local watering hole and you meet people there regularly and give them a chance. Of course, as others have commented, this thread is as much about me as anyone else. But it's true imo.
I enjoy meeting people online but the skills required to navigate that are entirely different to real life. It's just a shame that the forums lack any decent conversation about real life. I appreciate that a huge amount of this pickup advice is bs. I can see that. But there is some wisdom in the newer stuff that's coming out which is less cynical. I've been quite pleasantly surprised. Yet not a word about it on here?! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"thats the trouble with all this MRA based codswallop...vast, sweeping, inaccurrate assumptions, and often really unpleasant inferences about womens intentions.. Women are not completely stupid, nor do we spend all day working out tricks to lure unsuspecting men we aren't 'worthy' of. "
I agree. But the bigger issue is empathy. Most guys simply lack any empathy for the viewpoint of an attractive woman. They genuinely think that if they go up to them and lay a huge compliment about how sexy they look they'll sweep them off their feet. They don't get it that attractive women may be quite bored of being approached in that superficial way and would prefer to be engaged intellectually or some other way. I can't see anything in that message of trying to get women's mindsets better which is at all negative towards women.
As for the tricks thing. I would love to agree. But since watching these videos it's become clear that *some* women unfortunately do play these games, probably not consciously but as a way of teasing guys. I prefer women who don't. But I'm now much better equipped to deal with women who do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve tried dating in the real world and online and none of it has worked... trying to find someone who wants the same as me at this time seems impossible..... I don’t want much...but even with the best intentions finding someone who you connect with on all levels is mega hard and even if you do find that chances are something goes wrong or they don’t want the same as you.... dating... relationships or just fuckin is not easy!!!
When you find the answer let me know!
I hear you. I guess the purpose of this thread is to shine a critical light on how much online is hurting that. How many of you women dating would prefer it if, after meeting you, I logged off all those online dating sites and just gave "us" a chance? Instead, the perpetual presence of other options, albeit in the background, is breeding a culture of people just endlessly moving on to the next one.
Real life isn't like that. In real life you have the local watering hole and you meet people there regularly and give them a chance. Of course, as others have commented, this thread is as much about me as anyone else. But it's true imo.
I enjoy meeting people online but the skills required to navigate that are entirely different to real life. It's just a shame that the forums lack any decent conversation about real life. I appreciate that a huge amount of this pickup advice is bs. I can see that. But there is some wisdom in the newer stuff that's coming out which is less cynical. I've been quite pleasantly surprised. Yet not a word about it on here?! "
That’s the thing isn’t it... if you do meet someone now it seems most people keep their options open... still want to chat to other people... don’t pin all your hopes on one person... if you meet someone and click what happened to just giving it a go without msssive issues about things and just let things happen or not!!!! That is the cynical side.... which is sad but true.....
Fab to an extent i think is an alto ego for people... I show a large degree of me probably a lot more then some people do.. because I’m not a game player but for a lot of people which is fair enough it’s about the sex... and talking and chatting isn’t always as important for some people..... I have mixed feelings about what I really want at the moment....
Hope you find what your looking for whether it is on here or in “real life” x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’ve tried dating in the real world and online and none of it has worked... trying to find someone who wants the same as me at this time seems impossible..... I don’t want much...but even with the best intentions finding someone who you connect with on all levels is mega hard and even if you do find that chances are something goes wrong or they don’t want the same as you.... dating... relationships or just fuckin is not easy!!!
When you find the answer let me know!
I hear you. I guess the purpose of this thread is to shine a critical light on how much online is hurting that. How many of you women dating would prefer it if, after meeting you, I logged off all those online dating sites and just gave "us" a chance? Instead, the perpetual presence of other options, albeit in the background, is breeding a culture of people just endlessly moving on to the next one.
Real life isn't like that. In real life you have the local watering hole and you meet people there regularly and give them a chance. Of course, as others have commented, this thread is as much about me as anyone else. But it's true imo.
I enjoy meeting people online but the skills required to navigate that are entirely different to real life. It's just a shame that the forums lack any decent conversation about real life. I appreciate that a huge amount of this pickup advice is bs. I can see that. But there is some wisdom in the newer stuff that's coming out which is less cynical. I've been quite pleasantly surprised. Yet not a word about it on here?!
That’s the thing isn’t it... if you do meet someone now it seems most people keep their options open... still want to chat to other people... don’t pin all your hopes on one person... if you meet someone and click what happened to just giving it a go without msssive issues about things and just let things happen or not!!!! That is the cynical side.... which is sad but true.....
Fab to an extent i think is an alto ego for people... I show a large degree of me probably a lot more then some people do.. because I’m not a game player but for a lot of people which is fair enough it’s about the sex... and talking and chatting isn’t always as important for some people..... I have mixed feelings about what I really want at the moment....
Hope you find what your looking for whether it is on here or in “real life” x"
Thanks snowwhite You sound just like me. This is my playground. Somewhere I can ask honest questions I wouldn't ask in polite company and really get to the bottom of stuff. I'd love to meet women on here and have lots of gorgeous sex. But in lieu of that I'm happy coming here to investigate the underbelly of dating and sex.
I know you've had a hard knock recently. So I wish you luck too in finding that special someone. Who knows? Maybe we'll both log off these things and, like Luke Skywalker with the death star, decide to turn off the tech and let the universe guide us instead xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The difference is it's not a dating site. If I guy approached me in a bar he would be declined purely because im with someone and the guy approaching may not like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve tried dating in the real world and online and none of it has worked... trying to find someone who wants the same as me at this time seems impossible..... I don’t want much...but even with the best intentions finding someone who you connect with on all levels is mega hard and even if you do find that chances are something goes wrong or they don’t want the same as you.... dating... relationships or just fuckin is not easy!!!
When you find the answer let me know!
I hear you. I guess the purpose of this thread is to shine a critical light on how much online is hurting that. How many of you women dating would prefer it if, after meeting you, I logged off all those online dating sites and just gave "us" a chance? Instead, the perpetual presence of other options, albeit in the background, is breeding a culture of people just endlessly moving on to the next one.
Real life isn't like that. In real life you have the local watering hole and you meet people there regularly and give them a chance. Of course, as others have commented, this thread is as much about me as anyone else. But it's true imo.
I enjoy meeting people online but the skills required to navigate that are entirely different to real life. It's just a shame that the forums lack any decent conversation about real life. I appreciate that a huge amount of this pickup advice is bs. I can see that. But there is some wisdom in the newer stuff that's coming out which is less cynical. I've been quite pleasantly surprised. Yet not a word about it on here?!
That’s the thing isn’t it... if you do meet someone now it seems most people keep their options open... still want to chat to other people... don’t pin all your hopes on one person... if you meet someone and click what happened to just giving it a go without msssive issues about things and just let things happen or not!!!! That is the cynical side.... which is sad but true.....
Fab to an extent i think is an alto ego for people... I show a large degree of me probably a lot more then some people do.. because I’m not a game player but for a lot of people which is fair enough it’s about the sex... and talking and chatting isn’t always as important for some people..... I have mixed feelings about what I really want at the moment....
Hope you find what your looking for whether it is on here or in “real life” x
Thanks snowwhite You sound just like me. This is my playground. Somewhere I can ask honest questions I wouldn't ask in polite company and really get to the bottom of stuff. I'd love to meet women on here and have lots of gorgeous sex. But in lieu of that I'm happy coming here to investigate the underbelly of dating and sex.
I know you've had a hard knock recently. So I wish you luck too in finding that special someone. Who knows? Maybe we'll both log off these things and, like Luke Skywalker with the death star, decide to turn off the tech and let the universe guide us instead xx"
To be honest that’s all I really want is to just let life take me where I’m meant to be...I’m a big believer in making the most of things!! It just makes me sad when you can see something.. almost touch it but know it’s not gonna happen due to bad timing!!! But maybe that’s obi wan saying it’s not right!!! xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The difference is it's not a dating site. If I guy approached me in a bar he would be declined purely because im with someone and the guy approaching may not like that. "
Agreed. This thread doesn't work for most setups on this site. But there are, I fear, an inordinate number of men who join Fab purely because they're looking for an easy lay (and boy are they in for a shock! ). It's not that they don't belong here. NSA is part of the culture on here whether we like it or not. Yet there's a lack of voices on here which speak directly to them. We just automatically reject them as jerks. By rejecting the whole pickup side of things we're inadvertently neglecting the whole process of enchanting and alluring a woman into wanting sex. That itself is feeding into the culture on here of treating women like escorts.
Whether guys are willing to admit it or not many of them need a degree of self improvement to develop the confidence and charisma that most women are looking for |
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"
Whether guys are willing to admit it or not many of them need a degree of self improvement to develop the confidence and charisma that most women are looking for"
T'was ever thus.
Lot's of women could use work on their social skills too. However since time immemorial men and women of varying social skills have managed to hook up one way or another. I don't think anything has changed that much. |
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Fair point OP. I wouldn't say i actually care if i meet or not as most will be below my expectations anyway. I was speaking to a few guys on here who said they turned to trans because of the woman on here and how they get treated and shunned. I guess you need to have confidence to brush it off and move to the next or it's trans time hahahaha |
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"My guess is most men fail here not because lack of charisma or confidence. But because they think their cock is the fairest if them all. "
I think there are a percentage of men who "get it". They understand that women aren't that much different to men and approach them as people rather than as beings who require certain characterstics from them. Then there are the guys who think its a complex puzzle and special skills are required. You also have the ones who join imagining a queue of desperate women just waiting to provide what they require.
Women have misconceptions too.
In my opinion you can't go far wrong if you just treat each other as people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Whether guys are willing to admit it or not many of them need a degree of self improvement to develop the confidence and charisma that most women are looking for
T'was ever thus.
Lot's of women could use work on their social skills too. However since time immemorial men and women of varying social skills have managed to hook up one way or another. I don't think anything has changed that much."
i completely agree...the methods of meeting have changed in certain ways, but it's a complete fallacy to assume no one ever meets or speaks to people in real life, and that their approaches have changed much. But i think the last thing anyone wanting to improve their social skills needs is a bunch of online twaddle about male empowerment. That will get rid of whatever crumbs of social awareness they already have. |
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"
Whether guys are willing to admit it or not many of them need a degree of self improvement to develop the confidence and charisma that most women are looking for
T'was ever thus.
Lot's of women could use work on their social skills too. However since time immemorial men and women of varying social skills have managed to hook up one way or another. I don't think anything has changed that much.
i completely agree...the methods of meeting have changed in certain ways, but it's a complete fallacy to assume no one ever meets or speaks to people in real life, and that their approaches have changed much. But i think the last thing anyone wanting to improve their social skills needs is a bunch of online twaddle about male empowerment. That will get rid of whatever crumbs of social awareness they already have."
I think the best way to improve ones social skills is to interact with people without bringing an agenda to the interaction. Simply take people at face value, talk to them and see if you have anything in common. Old fashioned maybe?
If anybody feels that the internet is hindering them at all it's probably best to turn their device off. |
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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
I've really enjoyed this thread. Thanks OP for giving me something to think about. I've aimed my posts fellow single men (mostly just thinking out load) simply because for women looking for single men it is literally like shooting fish in a barrel, so it baffles me as to why a lot of the guys on here either make so little effort or such poor assumptions about the people they'd like to meet.
Do you think it largely boils down to laziness? I've found that a lot of people do forget about the social element and go as far to say they forget it's actually a person they're talking to on the other end and not just a f**khole
I have no idea what women want and certainly not all qualified to comment but I do stand by what I've already said and that is just be yourself sooner or later you'll fund someone who likes that |
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By *D835Man
over a year ago
London |
"I have to say I disagree to some elements in your opening gambit, there are indeed Alphas here, who come here for the same reason as others, to cut the preamble and meet like minded fuckers without the need for the dating bollocks.
I can't meet a vanilla guy in the pub and ascertain if he'd be into cuck, strap on, bondage stuff, without a lot of time spent. Or a woman in a bar who may or may not be bi, or want me to get in bed between her and her husband.
Here everyone is up front about wants and needs , just keeps things simple.
So no I don't think it's just for people who can't cut it in the real world , it just makes life simpler "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Whether guys are willing to admit it or not many of them need a degree of self improvement to develop the confidence and charisma that most women are looking for
T'was ever thus.
Lot's of women could use work on their social skills too. However since time immemorial men and women of varying social skills have managed to hook up one way or another. I don't think anything has changed that much.
i completely agree...the methods of meeting have changed in certain ways, but it's a complete fallacy to assume no one ever meets or speaks to people in real life, and that their approaches have changed much. But i think the last thing anyone wanting to improve their social skills needs is a bunch of online twaddle about male empowerment. That will get rid of whatever crumbs of social awareness they already have.
I think the best way to improve ones social skills is to interact with people without bringing an agenda to the interaction. Simply take people at face value, talk to them and see if you have anything in common. Old fashioned maybe?
If anybody feels that the internet is hindering them at all it's probably best to turn their device off. "
again, i think you're absolutely right. People really do have social exchanges that don't revolve around sex! may be hard to believe but a lot of us speak to complete strangers all the time in our daily lives. That's where our social skills come from! There is no reason to see dating, or sites like this any differently. The outcome people want may be more than a passing chat in the street, but those skills still apply...there is no reason to need some specific guide, some online a 'wimmin 4 dummies' nonsense that portrays women as some alien species with some unspecified evil intent and an incomprehensible language. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've really enjoyed this thread. Thanks OP for giving me something to think about. I've aimed my posts fellow single men (mostly just thinking out load) simply because for women looking for single men it is literally like shooting fish in a barrel, so it baffles me as to why a lot of the guys on here either make so little effort or such poor assumptions about the people they'd like to meet.
Do you think it largely boils down to laziness? I've found that a lot of people do forget about the social element and go as far to say they forget it's actually a person they're talking to on the other end and not just a f**khole
I have no idea what women want and certainly not all qualified to comment but I do stand by what I've already said and that is just be yourself sooner or later you'll fund someone who likes that"
My guess is many a boy doesn’t realise being a gal on here is very different. And so while they’d love any message with any body parts attached, they havent twigged this isn’t what a gal wants ....
However this is a man trying to guess a fake POV.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think the best way to improve ones social skills is to interact with people without bringing an agenda to the interaction. Simply take people at face value, talk to them and see if you have anything in common. Old fashioned maybe?"
Believe it or not this is the goal of good pickup. Be yourself. Don't put the person you're talking to on a pedestal. Let the relaxed genuine you shine through. Unfortunately, whilst this all sounds easy and simple, it's precisely all that which often goes out of the window when men have to approach an attractive woman. They fluff it by being so nervous that they aren't relaxed and don't act themselves.
Pickup isn't so much about women's mentality as it is about men's. It's about empathising about potential female viewpoints, about gaining insight into how you're coming across, and overcoming those nerves that are preventing you from shining.
As I said in the op... I've been surprised to find much wisdom in amongst the rubbish, especially the more recent stuff backlashing against the crap cynical old stuff. By the way some have reacted on this thread it's clear they're still thinking about that old manipulative macho stuff. It's actually more interesting and perceptive than that now. Maybe check it out  |
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"I think the best way to improve ones social skills is to interact with people without bringing an agenda to the interaction. Simply take people at face value, talk to them and see if you have anything in common. Old fashioned maybe?
Believe it or not this is the goal of good pickup. Be yourself. Don't put the person you're talking to on a pedestal. Let the relaxed genuine you shine through. Unfortunately, whilst this all sounds easy and simple, it's precisely all that which often goes out of the window when men have to approach an attractive woman. They fluff it by being so nervous that they aren't relaxed and don't act themselves.
Pickup isn't so much about women's mentality as it is about men's. It's about empathising about potential female viewpoints, about gaining insight into how you're coming across, and overcoming those nerves that are preventing you from shining.
As I said in the op... I've been surprised to find much wisdom in amongst the rubbish, especially the more recent stuff backlashing against the crap cynical old stuff. By the way some have reacted on this thread it's clear they're still thinking about that old manipulative macho stuff. It's actually more interesting and perceptive than that now. Maybe check it out "
Pickup?
Why does it have to be a science? What is actually wrong with just talking to people?
Can you give me an example of how it's perceptive and interesting?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Was gonna respond with a wickedly witty repast but my mum says my tea's ready
Fish finger butties??"
Yes, with salad cream and a glass of Tizer, they were awesome! Ice cream with sprinkles for afters |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"it baffles me as to why a lot of the guys on here either make so little effort or such poor assumptions about the people they'd like to meet.
Do you think it largely boils down to laziness? I've found that a lot of people do forget about the social element and go as far to say they forget it's actually a person they're talking to on the other end and not just a f**khole"
Thanks for the positive feedback dude It's always a bit of a risk posting something which is potentially very divisive and critical. But I thought it would at least be an interesting read, seeing all the responses... and so it has been
I think you have to follow the rabbit hole with the whole scared male thing to explain what you're talking about here. You know what it's like. You go to a bar and sit in the corner and look around. Whoever you see you can immediately think of a reason not to talk to them. Not your type. Probably married. Etc.
So you retreat back home and log onto the web instead (wrong move). Now you're faced with two issues. You've still got the nagging fear of an actual real exchange with a gorgeous woman in your head. But now added to that you've removed yourself from a situation where you can observe how they're behaving, what they seem to respond well to, what they don't. In effect you're both scared (ready to bottle it) and clueless (ready to botch it). Doesn't that describe 90% of the men on here?
Now take those scared and clueless men and start shaming them and telling them off for their rude behaviour (which it is btw). Give them hoops they have to jump through before women will even reply to their messages. And what have you got? A complete car crash in confidence for most guys.
Do women really want the world to be filled with clueless emasculated unconfident men? Of course not. Well at least not those who like men. Those men. They're the "creeps" women always complain about. That's why, if guys really want to have sex with attractive women, they need confidence building, learning about appropriate behaviour, etc. It just seems strange that there isn't a forum for this on here and that I've had to go elsewhere to find that male comraderie and support. Why isn't it here? Because all us guys are each other's drinking buddies, happily fucking up just so long as all the other guys are fucking up with us. This rot has got to stop |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the points could have been summarized better, you lost me because the text was too long.
It has never worked out for guys who place emphasis on women while they ignore themselves , the guys who win always value themselves. These are the kind of guys women chase. Pure fact.
Fact. Unhuh.
So many men who know everything there is to know about women. Fact.
we should be grateful though!...we'd just be bumbling about, with our kitten filled little brains confusing us,tripping over our shoes without these handy instructions on how to function!
Silly me.
I don't suppose its occurred to any of them that the actual reason they're not getting laid is they're utter cunts"
Amen sister |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the best way to improve ones social skills is to interact with people without bringing an agenda to the interaction. Simply take people at face value, talk to them and see if you have anything in common. Old fashioned maybe?
Believe it or not this is the goal of good pickup. Be yourself. Don't put the person you're talking to on a pedestal. Let the relaxed genuine you shine through. Unfortunately, whilst this all sounds easy and simple, it's precisely all that which often goes out of the window when men have to approach an attractive woman. They fluff it by being so nervous that they aren't relaxed and don't act themselves.
Pickup isn't so much about women's mentality as it is about men's. It's about empathising about potential female viewpoints, about gaining insight into how you're coming across, and overcoming those nerves that are preventing you from shining.
As I said in the op... I've been surprised to find much wisdom in amongst the rubbish, especially the more recent stuff backlashing against the crap cynical old stuff. By the way some have reacted on this thread it's clear they're still thinking about that old manipulative macho stuff. It's actually more interesting and perceptive than that now. Maybe check it out "
i've read a lot of these blogs/ hints/ rules etc recently and so far no, i havent seen anything perceptive at all. I've found them the tip of the iceberg of this ridiculous MRA stuff. It starts off sounding reasonable, but then completely descends into this weird, and i think dangerous, idea that women are some alien race to be conquered, how to avoid their evil tricks, how to perfect your evil tricks...i find it patronising,insidious and rather sad. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Pickup?
Why does it have to be a science? What is actually wrong with just talking to people?
Can you give me an example of how it's perceptive and interesting? "
The big change in pickup has been... old pickup was about how to appear attractive... the new stuff is about how to be attractive. It's moved away from NLP tricks and more towards inner development. That's just a win win in my book. At the core of this is the goal of being able to "just talk to people", as you put it. Something that is unfortunately easier said than done when talking to rich powerful famous people, and (for most guys) attractive women.
I know this must perplex attractive women. "Why can't they just be normal around me?" But the simple fact is most men are scared sh!tless of attractive women. Apparently the average American man chats up a total of 4 women in his life. That should tell you how utterly scary this stuff is for most guys. Some would probably rather join the army than try to chat up an attractive woman. For some men Fab provides yet another hide out away from this. This thread is suggesting that's the wrong move.
Only one way to overcome a fear. Do it. And then do it again and again and again |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"i've read a lot of these blogs/ hints/ rules etc recently and so far no, i havent seen anything perceptive at all. I've found them the tip of the iceberg of this ridiculous MRA stuff. It starts off sounding reasonable, but then completely descends into this weird, and i think dangerous, idea that women are some alien race to be conquered, how to avoid their evil tricks, how to perfect your evil tricks...i find it patronising,insidious and rather sad. "
I think where I'd completely agree with you is that I only find some of the stuff enlightening and that even that stuff is undermined by it's application. In one video, for example, the guys see some women dancing to a street musician and then they decide to get in there and pick the women up (quite literally). What I take from that is that women often respond well to fun guys who can raise the party up a notch. What I don't like about that is that these guys did that to deliberately pick up women. That's cheesy and obnoxious.
As a man with half a brain (though quite possibly not much more than that), I'm quite capable of separating the wheat from the chaff and using such things to take a closer look at who I am when I socialise. How I come across. I'm actually a pretty good socialiser. Hence my realisation on another thread that the vast majority of this advice doesn't even apply to me. But I've found it quite insightful |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm stunned by the lack of self awareness the very small minority of men have shown here. And their arrogance.
It makes me feel I'm even more right to not take men at face value and remain dismissive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm stunned by the lack of self awareness the very small minority of men have shown here. And their arrogance.
It makes me feel I'm even more right to not take men at face value and remain dismissive."
Slight generalisation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm stunned by the lack of self awareness the very small minority of men have shown here. And their arrogance.
It makes me feel I'm even more right to not take men at face value and remain dismissive.
Slight generalisation. "
Which part of 'very small minority' didn't you get |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm stunned by the lack of self awareness the very small minority of men have shown here. And their arrogance.
It makes me feel I'm even more right to not take men at face value and remain dismissive.
Slight generalisation.
Which part of 'very small minority' didn't you get"
Because of a ‘small minority’ you can’t take men (as a general term) at face value. That’s a generalisation! |
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"Pickup?
Why does it have to be a science? What is actually wrong with just talking to people?
Can you give me an example of how it's perceptive and interesting?
The big change in pickup has been... old pickup was about how to appear attractive... the new stuff is about how to be attractive. It's moved away from NLP tricks and more towards inner development. That's just a win win in my book. At the core of this is the goal of being able to "just talk to people", as you put it. Something that is unfortunately easier said than done when talking to rich powerful famous people, and (for most guys) attractive women.
I know this must perplex attractive women. "Why can't they just be normal around me?" But the simple fact is most men are scared sh!tless of attractive women. Apparently the average American man chats up a total of 4 women in his life. That should tell you how utterly scary this stuff is for most guys. Some would probably rather join the army than try to chat up an attractive woman. For some men Fab provides yet another hide out away from this. This thread is suggesting that's the wrong move.
Only one way to overcome a fear. Do it. And then do it again and again and again "
But it's always been the same.
Women can feel nervous in the presence of attractive men too. It in my opinion really does boil down to men and women realising that we're all basically the same and there is no special skill involved other than the ability to hold a conversation.
I truly believe that there's an awful lot of over thinking going on around this subject. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm stunned by the lack of self awareness the very small minority of men have shown here. And their arrogance.
It makes me feel I'm even more right to not take men at face value and remain dismissive.
Slight generalisation.
Which part of 'very small minority' didn't you get
Because of a ‘small minority’ you can’t take men (as a general term) at face value. That’s a generalisation! "
Rather, I suspect it's a minority spoiling it for the majority. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t think things have changed that much, I just think it’s easier to be lazy now.
When I started going to clubs in the 90’s some of my mates used to go round all the girls trying to chat them up....no luck with one, onto the next one. I would die if a woman said no to me in a club so never asked. They didn’t care...
But going to a club was once a week. Now you can go online and chat to hundreds...log off, give it an hour and then log back in and there’s another bunch to talk to.
In a sense it has become lazier to make the effort to some, but that depends on whether you were the ‘chat to 100 and one will say yes’ type.
I’d rather chat to someone for a while and get to know them first... |
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Online sites for meeting others are primarily address an aide to focus on specific needs that aren't potentially mainstream, as well as a greater ubiquity of access to the internet.
Sure people who just want - any - shag could be out and about in most places and meet the types of people that could reciprocate. But if people want involvement with couples, groups or some non standard permutation, unless they're at a swinging venue, it's more like finding a needle in a haystack.
Whether or not a man may be perceived in what someone thinks is the 'wrong' way, is a different matter. Someone who can't communicate flexibly, according to context, is going to struggle wherever. The very limited perception that a man has to have this limited 'masculine' range of his personality seems stifling and perhaps from another century though. Everyone is unique. |
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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago
Exeter Bristol Salisbury |
"
But it's always been the same.
Women can feel nervous in the presence of attractive men too. It in my opinion really does boil down to men and women realising that we're all basically the same and there is no special skill involved other than the ability to hold a conversation.
I truly believe that there's an awful lot of over thinking going on around this subject."
I think we are over thinking it you're right. From my perspective I'm just trying to understand it from the other guys perspective.
I'll go into a bar and talk to anyone man, woman, vegetable or mineral. I don't pause and think about what to say I just talk. But I guess I'm lucky on that respect public speaking is my job. But i totalol get that people struggle with this hence Internet Dating. It's an ideal ice breaker.
I'm grateful for the thread as it gives me a little insight into another single guys head. I'm happy single, and never met anyone who I've wanted anything from other than mutual respect and politeness. I can't base my perceptions on other people solely upon my own outlook. Much in the same way I can't judge women based on my experiences with a small majority.
In all honesty: I do a lot of after dinner speaking and this could be my next subject matter so you'll understand the true motive behind a lot of my out loud thinking
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"With reference to the term "pickup" is the only reason men talk to women in order to "pickup"?"
I use the word pickup because there's a whole pickup scene (that's what they call it) which revolves around men fucking their way through women they pick up in bars and clubs. Some of these men probably do only talk to women to pick them up. Quite amusing how some people on here seem to have a rather snooty view of this. I'm by no means a pickup artist. Nor am I even remotely interested in being one. But it does feel a bit like double standards.
I sympathise with the revulsion to men learning psychological tricks to get women into bed. I share in that revulsion. But new pickup isn't like that. It's just good advice on how to be more relaxed around attractive women. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In all honesty: I do a lot of after dinner speaking and this could be my next subject matter so you'll understand the true motive behind a lot of my out loud thinking"
I'm a confident socialiser too. I've previously lectured and my work pushes me to mix in high pressure scenarios. My candour on this thread is precisely because I'm comfortable sharing my thoughts on this stuff. Not because I'm some weak minded guy who's struggling with this stuff. If you read back I don't believe I've said anything that puts me in a bad light. It's all about empowering others to rethink their approach and try and be genuinely more attractive, both to women, to business links, to the world, and most importantly... to themselves.
Pickup and dating advice has a lot to offer that overlaps with a wide range of activities. From public speaking to performing on stage. It's all about developing self confidence and coming across right. The purpose of this thread was to ask if online was helping that in any way or hindering it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Wouldnt say i ever had game im just a chatty friendly person who has an ability to make people laugh on occasion being online would never stop me saying hi or complimenting a stranger in any way |
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"With reference to the term "pickup" is the only reason men talk to women in order to "pickup"?
I use the word pickup because there's a whole pickup scene (that's what they call it) which revolves around men fucking their way through women they pick up in bars and clubs. Some of these men probably do only talk to women to pick them up. Quite amusing how some people on here seem to have a rather snooty view of this. I'm by no means a pickup artist. Nor am I even remotely interested in being one. But it does feel a bit like double standards.
I sympathise with the revulsion to men learning psychological tricks to get women into bed. I share in that revulsion. But new pickup isn't like that. It's just good advice on how to be more relaxed around attractive women. "
I think I'm either years out of date or the type of guy my friends and I used to avoid like the very plague have just been given a sort of validation.
There have always been men who use psychological tricks to fuck women. Unsurprisingly there have always been women who use psychological tricks to get what they want from men. Plus ca change eh! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In all honesty: I do a lot of after dinner speaking and this could be my next subject matter so you'll understand the true motive behind a lot of my out loud thinking
I'm a confident socialiser too. I've previously lectured and my work pushes me to mix in high pressure scenarios. My candour on this thread is precisely because I'm comfortable sharing my thoughts on this stuff. Not because I'm some weak minded guy who's struggling with this stuff. If you read back I don't believe I've said anything that puts me in a bad light. It's all about empowering others to rethink their approach and try and be genuinely more attractive, both to women, to business links, to the world, and most importantly... to themselves.
Pickup and dating advice has a lot to offer that overlaps with a wide range of activities. From public speaking to performing on stage. It's all about developing self confidence and coming across right. The purpose of this thread was to ask if online was helping that in any way or hindering it "
Nope
Its all about not being a cunt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pickup?
Why does it have to be a science? What is actually wrong with just talking to people?
Can you give me an example of how it's perceptive and interesting?
The big change in pickup has been... old pickup was about how to appear attractive... the new stuff is about how to be attractive. It's moved away from NLP tricks and more towards inner development. That's just a win win in my book. At the core of this is the goal of being able to "just talk to people", as you put it. Something that is unfortunately easier said than done when talking to rich powerful famous people, and (for most guys) attractive women.
I know this must perplex attractive women. "Why can't they just be normal around me?" But the simple fact is most men are scared sh!tless of attractive women. Apparently the average American man chats up a total of 4 women in his life. That should tell you how utterly scary this stuff is for most guys. Some would probably rather join the army than try to chat up an attractive woman. For some men Fab provides yet another hide out away from this. This thread is suggesting that's the wrong move.
Only one way to overcome a fear. Do it. And then do it again and again and again "
Do people actually want to be hit on though? I don’t. Like I said before, the way we meet people has developed.
I think you’re hugely overthinking it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think you’re hugely overthinking it. "
Hey! If I wasn't overthinking it there wouldn't be a thread
Don't worry. I'm just a curious soul. I love investigating things and having only recently become single all this stuff is new and rather amusing to me. There's no replacement for getting out and doing it (and that's what this thread is all about). My confidence around attractive women has definitely been emboldened by my experience swinging and going to clubs. Books and videos on pickup or dating are no replacement... and neither is online chat. Online chat is a different beast altogether. There's no doubt however that seeing other guys doing pickup is making me rethink as to whether I shouldn't just grow a pair of balls and start hitting the pubs and clubs. Scary shit but could be a lot of fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think you’re hugely overthinking it.
Hey! If I wasn't overthinking it there wouldn't be a thread
Don't worry. I'm just a curious soul. I love investigating things and having only recently become single all this stuff is new and rather amusing to me. There's no replacement for getting out and doing it (and that's what this thread is all about). My confidence around attractive women has definitely been emboldened by my experience swinging and going to clubs. Books and videos on pickup or dating are no replacement... and neither is online chat. Online chat is a different beast altogether. There's no doubt however that seeing other guys doing pickup is making me rethink as to whether I shouldn't just grow a pair of balls and start hitting the pubs and clubs. Scary shit but could be a lot of fun "
You look like Lee Mack in your profile photo OP |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You look like Lee Mack in your profile photo OP"
Damn! I've been rustled No I don't look anything like him. According to a recent reputed source (a d*unk on the street), I look like David Tennant. But yeah I can see what you mean about my avatar |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're a woman reading this thinking it's a cute thread with men getting in a tizz you're not reading it closely enough. Why are you on here? If it's to meet men then this thread should speak directly to you too. Why do you think so many guys on here are keyboard warriors? Or turn out to be nothing like their profiles or messages portray them as?
We, as a generation, have been sucked into the convenience of meeting people online. Women. You want to meet real men? Log off and get yourself out there. Men. You want to meet women? Get out there too. Then we all wouldn't have to be on these dumb dating apps any more would we?
Online is killing our society, our social life, our culture. If enough good people do nothing...
Welcome to the big nothing "
And yet here you are  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you're a woman reading this thinking it's a cute thread with men getting in a tizz you're not reading it closely enough. Why are you on here? If it's to meet men then this thread should speak directly to you too. Why do you think so many guys on here are keyboard warriors? Or turn out to be nothing like their profiles or messages portray them as?
We, as a generation, have been sucked into the convenience of meeting people online. Women. You want to meet real men? Log off and get yourself out there. Men. You want to meet women? Get out there too. Then we all wouldn't have to be on these dumb dating apps any more would we?
Online is killing our society, our social life, our culture. If enough good people do nothing...
Welcome to the big nothing
And yet here you are "
Waiting for you  (Ahh it's like when Harry met Sally isn't it)  |
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By *allypWoman
over a year ago
Bricket Wood |
I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ?? |
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"I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ??"
I think he's talking about dating in the traditional sense and that on line interaction is causing men to lose the ability to communicate with women in a positive way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ??
I think he's talking about dating in the traditional sense and that on line interaction is causing men to lose the ability to communicate with women in a positive way."
Yeah. Thanks But it does also overlap with swinging. I'm a good socialiser so my socials tend to go well. But that doesn't seem to be the norm on here. I maybe wrong. But it seems women are crying out for men to learn the art of enchantment again and stop treating them as free prostitutes... and yet on this thread some seem to be casting aspersions on precisely that cry when voiced by a man |
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By *allypWoman
over a year ago
Bricket Wood |
"I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ??
I think he's talking about dating in the traditional sense and that on line interaction is causing men to lose the ability to communicate with women in a positive way."
Well what's he doing here then ? It's the modern way to find dates in this busy life that we all lead these days. And it's not an excuse not to write a pleasant message.
Having said that, go to the bars and see how far you get with women. Probably the same result as here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ??
I think he's talking about dating in the traditional sense and that on line interaction is causing men to lose the ability to communicate with women in a positive way.
Well what's he doing here then ? It's the modern way to find dates in this busy life that we all lead these days. And it's not an excuse not to write a pleasant message.
Having said that, go to the bars and see how far you get with women. Probably the same result as here. "
In one video I watched by a woman she was giving her tips on what women respond best to in the way of texting. She went through all the stuff that doesn't work and, quite frankly, that just sounded like the usual groundhog day on the fab forums. Then she counted down her top tips to really win a woman over. Number one? Something only one guy had had the balls to do in her whole time dating. He phoned her!
This is what I'm talking about |
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"I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ??
I think he's talking about dating in the traditional sense and that on line interaction is causing men to lose the ability to communicate with women in a positive way.
Yeah. Thanks But it does also overlap with swinging. I'm a good socialiser so my socials tend to go well. But that doesn't seem to be the norm on here. I maybe wrong. But it seems women are crying out for men to learn the art of enchantment again and stop treating them as free prostitutes... and yet on this thread some seem to be casting aspersions on precisely that cry when voiced by a man "
Some women are treated as free prostitutes by the men on fab it seems from what I read in the fora. Is it so in real life too? I don't think it's successful in many cases but it's a result of incorrect expectations and the tendency of some men to treat women they want a relationship with different to the women they just want to fuck. All that needs to happen is for men to realise that women are the same species and they need to treat them as such whether they want to fuck them or marry them. I don't think it needs strategies, games and plans just basic respect and honesty about what they're after.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ??
I think he's talking about dating in the traditional sense and that on line interaction is causing men to lose the ability to communicate with women in a positive way.
Well what's he doing here then ? It's the modern way to find dates in this busy life that we all lead these days. And it's not an excuse not to write a pleasant message.
Having said that, go to the bars and see how far you get with women. Probably the same result as here.
In one video I watched by a woman she was giving her tips on what women respond best to in the way of texting. She went through all the stuff that doesn't work and, quite frankly, that just sounded like the usual groundhog day on the fab forums. Then she counted down her top tips to really win a woman over. Number one? Something only one guy had had the balls to do in her whole time dating. He phoned her!
This is what I'm talking about "
You really haven’t figured this stuff out for yourself ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've really enjoyed this thread. Thanks OP for giving me something to think about. I've aimed my posts fellow single men (mostly just thinking out load) simply because for women looking for single men it is literally like shooting fish in a barrel, so it baffles me as to why a lot of the guys on here either make so little effort or such poor assumptions about the people they'd like to meet.
Do you think it largely boils down to laziness? I've found that a lot of people do forget about the social element and go as far to say they forget it's actually a person they're talking to on the other end and not just a f**khole
I have no idea what women want and certainly not all qualified to comment but I do stand by what I've already said and that is just be yourself sooner or later you'll fund someone who likes that"
I think it works both ways. The women are looking for a man to treat them right but they ignore messages and treat them like just a cock. So the men get bored of making any effort and treat them like a wet hole. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ??
I think he's talking about dating in the traditional sense and that on line interaction is causing men to lose the ability to communicate with women in a positive way.
Yeah. Thanks But it does also overlap with swinging. I'm a good socialiser so my socials tend to go well. But that doesn't seem to be the norm on here. I maybe wrong. But it seems women are crying out for men to learn the art of enchantment again and stop treating them as free prostitutes... and yet on this thread some seem to be casting aspersions on precisely that cry when voiced by a man
Some women are treated as free prostitutes by the men on fab it seems from what I read in the fora. Is it so in real life too? I don't think it's successful in many cases but it's a result of incorrect expectations and the tendency of some men to treat women they want a relationship with different to the women they just want to fuck. All that needs to happen is for men to realise that women are the same species and they need to treat them as such whether they want to fuck them or marry them. I don't think it needs strategies, games and plans just basic respect and honesty about what they're after.
"
Until men understand that women can enjoy sex too, and we arent just here for their pleasure, thats not gonna 'appen.
I wont hold my breath |
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"I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ??
I think he's talking about dating in the traditional sense and that on line interaction is causing men to lose the ability to communicate with women in a positive way.
Yeah. Thanks But it does also overlap with swinging. I'm a good socialiser so my socials tend to go well. But that doesn't seem to be the norm on here. I maybe wrong. But it seems women are crying out for men to learn the art of enchantment again and stop treating them as free prostitutes... and yet on this thread some seem to be casting aspersions on precisely that cry when voiced by a man
Some women are treated as free prostitutes by the men on fab it seems from what I read in the fora. Is it so in real life too? I don't think it's successful in many cases but it's a result of incorrect expectations and the tendency of some men to treat women they want a relationship with different to the women they just want to fuck. All that needs to happen is for men to realise that women are the same species and they need to treat them as such whether they want to fuck them or marry them. I don't think it needs strategies, games and plans just basic respect and honesty about what they're after.
Until men understand that women can enjoy sex too, and we arent just here for their pleasure, thats not gonna 'appen.
I wont hold my breath"
True. I don't think it's men's fault though. Society in general tends to treat women who openly enjoy sex outside of a long term relationship as lesser people. Women are pretty good at putting sexually free women down.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've lost the will to live now. So I have to go into a bar and ask if anyone wants to do soft bdsm, group sex, or satisfy my sexual fantasy ! Thank god for this site where it's handed on a plate ??
I think he's talking about dating in the traditional sense and that on line interaction is causing men to lose the ability to communicate with women in a positive way.
Yeah. Thanks But it does also overlap with swinging. I'm a good socialiser so my socials tend to go well. But that doesn't seem to be the norm on here. I maybe wrong. But it seems women are crying out for men to learn the art of enchantment again and stop treating them as free prostitutes... and yet on this thread some seem to be casting aspersions on precisely that cry when voiced by a man
Some women are treated as free prostitutes by the men on fab it seems from what I read in the fora. Is it so in real life too? I don't think it's successful in many cases but it's a result of incorrect expectations and the tendency of some men to treat women they want a relationship with different to the women they just want to fuck. All that needs to happen is for men to realise that women are the same species and they need to treat them as such whether they want to fuck them or marry them. I don't think it needs strategies, games and plans just basic respect and honesty about what they're after.
Until men understand that women can enjoy sex too, and we arent just here for their pleasure, thats not gonna 'appen.
I wont hold my breath
True. I don't think it's men's fault though. Society in general tends to treat women who openly enjoy sex outside of a long term relationship as lesser people. Women are pretty good at putting sexually free women down.
"
I agree, to an extent.
We really haven't moved on much at all |
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I realised you need to do both. The online world - you do get to see a lot of people and share specific interests - but can be a bit "flakey".
The antidote - meet people in real life, introduce yourself to those you find attractive, chat with them, advance some propositions and risque conversations. The chances of "picking-up" are low, but it makes you feel so good see another person / other people happy. |
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