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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Looking to attend the club tonight.... It would be my very first time! So very nervous haha.
What can I expect. What do I have to bring.
Any tips for a newbie  |
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By *wosWoman
over a year ago
east london |
"Looking to attend the club tonight.... It would be my very first time! So very nervous haha.
What can I expect. What do I have to bring.
Any tips for a newbie "
https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/clubs/760124
Best review ever |
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Oh I’m really sorry to hear that Eva & Shah; but I know the feeling. It puts you right off.
One of the problems I’ve found is that when I go to a new unfamiliar swinging place one feels very vulnerable and initially uncomfortable. It’s surprising that I’ve experienced this feeling more often when I was with my FWB, perhaps I was doubly sensitive about how she was feeling. Perhaps alone, it bothers me less.
That’s why I contacted FlirtySquirty one of the party organisers the day before and said I was planning to come; and if she had time, to come and say hi!
It wasn’t necessary when I went; by the time (and it was only shortly after I arrived) Flirty found me at the bar, I’d found my feet and started to enjoy myself but it was still a boost to feeling welcome and included when someone seeks you out to say ‘hi’.
It was my FWB who actually challenged this feeling in me: I remember one of the first clubs we went together, we had just arrived and got a drink and were sitting in the corner feeling uncomfortable. I was saying that it feels a bit cliquey but she looked around and said ‘No, I think it’s just because others are either just as shy as us or they know the place. Start smiling at me. Keep smiling’
After a few minutes of inanely smiling at each other until we burst out laughing, it was time for another drink. As soon as I got up to the bar, someone came over and got chatting.
They were new to the club too, as we discovered were many of the people there that night. There were actually less regulars in that night and when we got chatting to them they were very welcoming. They’d seen us sitting in the corner but felt we were just being private and aloof.
Lol!
Now of course, I tend to overcompensate; I went to the Vanilla Alternative for the first time this week (although it’s actually my closest club) I swanned in; got chatting to the lady behind the bar, ‘Yes, I’m a newbie; could you tell me where everything is? Is there a couples only area? Etc. Etc.’ Yes, I made her laugh but perhaps the second time was trying to hard!
I found myself again thinking, actually this place is a bit cliquey and I’m a lesser mortal by being a single guy and some couples were keeping exclusively to the couple area. Then I thought ‘well, they can’t be much fun; swapping trophy partners rather than mixing with the rest.’
But then I got chatting to some people, properly relaxed and also understood that some of the guys were being a bit pushy and hovering and actually, well I can see why. If anyone likes the look of me come and say hello; if not, their loss.
Again it’s the semblance of confidence and ‘just keep smiling’. Sure enough a number of people did approach with a little time and once chatting, I found them welcoming and open minded.
I’d urge you to try Eureka again; but this time tell everyone you can that you’re going (particularly the party organiser or just someone on here). I bet it’ll feel different. Some people compensate by being a little brash; and it can come across wrong.
After all swinging for me is all about inclusion and sharing and being open minded: Cliques if they exist are at best selfish. It isn’t your club!
Hope this helps and gives encouragement.
Cxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That’s a long response lol
I have been to eureka about 7 times now 4 time as a single guy and 3 times with a fwb exactly the same experience every time I am not new to swinging scence and been to lots of other club including VA which I found very nice
But every single time same experience with or without a women means it not me who is not confident or feeling uneasy it the place who need to put more effort
It is a shame as It was my first club 10 years ago and has a good sun bathing place
But I will keep my self far away
If a swinging club have to have boncer on the doors of rooms than there must be some thing wrong with the clientele
Not for us thanks |
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Yes, you make a very good point; and my apologies for the presumption that you’d only been once, like I have.
In fact, you speak from far more experience than me anyway; perhaps I was lucky or probably more like it; less observant and more self absorbed.
It’s funny but the mention of bouncers reminded me that I’d heard that before from a conversation in the VA this week. And I agree, no decent genuine club should need to resort to bouncers.
Perhaps I will give them the benefit of the doubt and assume, like many small towns they turn from a pleasant Saturday afternoon coffee and shop to a no go zone come the night, when only the pubs, clubs and bars are open and the place turns very unpleasant.
But will report back, as I hope to visit again soon.
Chris x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh I’m really sorry to hear that Eva & Shah; but I know the feeling. It puts you right off.
One of the problems I’ve found is that when I go to a new unfamiliar swinging place one feels very vulnerable and initially uncomfortable. It’s surprising that I’ve experienced this feeling more often when I was with my FWB, perhaps I was doubly sensitive about how she was feeling. Perhaps alone, it bothers me less.
That’s why I contacted FlirtySquirty one of the party organisers the day before and said I was planning to come; and if she had time, to come and say hi!
It wasn’t necessary when I went; by the time (and it was only shortly after I arrived) Flirty found me at the bar, I’d found my feet and started to enjoy myself but it was still a boost to feeling welcome and included when someone seeks you out to say ‘hi’.
It was my FWB who actually challenged this feeling in me: I remember one of the first clubs we went together, we had just arrived and got a drink and were sitting in the corner feeling uncomfortable. I was saying that it feels a bit cliquey but she looked around and said ‘No, I think it’s just because others are either just as shy as us or they know the place. Start smiling at me. Keep smiling’
After a few minutes of inanely smiling at each other until we burst out laughing, it was time for another drink. As soon as I got up to the bar, someone came over and got chatting.
They were new to the club too, as we discovered were many of the people there that night. There were actually less regulars in that night and when we got chatting to them they were very welcoming. They’d seen us sitting in the corner but felt we were just being private and aloof.
Lol!
Now of course, I tend to overcompensate; I went to the Vanilla Alternative for the first time this week (although it’s actually my closest club) I swanned in; got chatting to the lady behind the bar, ‘Yes, I’m a newbie; could you tell me where everything is? Is there a couples only area? Etc. Etc.’ Yes, I made her laugh but perhaps the second time was trying to hard!
I found myself again thinking, actually this place is a bit cliquey and I’m a lesser mortal by being a single guy and some couples were keeping exclusively to the couple area. Then I thought ‘well, they can’t be much fun; swapping trophy partners rather than mixing with the rest.’
But then I got chatting to some people, properly relaxed and also understood that some of the guys were being a bit pushy and hovering and actually, well I can see why. If anyone likes the look of me come and say hello; if not, their loss.
Again it’s the semblance of confidence and ‘just keep smiling’. Sure enough a number of people did approach with a little time and once chatting, I found them welcoming and open minded.
I’d urge you to try Eureka again; but this time tell everyone you can that you’re going (particularly the party organiser or just someone on here). I bet it’ll feel different. Some people compensate by being a little brash; and it can come across wrong.
After all swinging for me is all about inclusion and sharing and being open minded: Cliques if they exist are at best selfish. It isn’t your club!
Hope this helps and gives encouragement.
Cxx
Wow what a sane and rational reply. Can I have some of your rational thinking for my brain pls?!
"
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"
That’s a long response lol
I have been to eureka about 7 times now 4 time as a single guy and 3 times with a fwb exactly the same experience every time I am not new to swinging scence and been to lots of other club including VA which I found very nice
.....
If a swinging club have to have boncer on the doors of rooms than there must be some thing wrong with the clientele
Not for us thanks "
Sorry; wanted to send you a pm but I’m not able so to do; excluded presumably as a single guy:
Thanks for your post; and my apologies for my presumptions. Reflecting on what you’ve experienced and although I will go again, I think I’ll be more observant.
As for long responses; can’t help it I’m afraid: why use 10 words when you can wander verbosely through 10 pages of stream of consciousness!
I’d never survive on Twitter.
Say Hi at the VA if you see me.
Chris xx
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