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Swinging and Singles
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There's been quite a bit of comment in the past that swinging, in its pure sense, can only refer to couples swapping partners and not to the activity of single men or women.
And yet many swinging couples see the addition of a third person as a key part of the swinging experience and actively seek singles through Fab.
So are singles a valid part of the swinging community, should they be allowed on Fab and, if so, can they also be called 'swingers'? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We regard ourselves as swingers, in the sense that we attend swing parties and clubs and incorporate that ‘third person’ in to our sex life. We have played with couples, but we are not too partial to the couples scene, and can’t bare couples only parties. The singles that we play we are, on the whole, swingers, in that they’ve chosen swinging as a lifestyle choice. We would not feel comfortable with a ‘third person’ who is in a stop-gap in between relationships. So yes, singles can be swingers. But sadly very few are. One of the first questions I ask myself if we get messaged by a guy I like the look of is ‘are they a swinger?’
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, in your definition a swinging single is one who plays with swinging couples and does not seek their own personal relationship?"
By my definition, a swinging single does much the same as what we as a swinging couple do. If they pursue a relationship that is their business. Being a swinger doesn’t prevent someone being in a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, in your definition a swinging single is one who plays with swinging couples and does not seek their own personal relationship?
By my definition, a swinging single does much the same as what we as a swinging couple do. If they pursue a relationship that is their business. Being a swinger doesn’t prevent someone being in a relationship. "
What I mean by ‘stop gap in between relationships, I was referring to monogamous vanilla relationships. Not swingers who happened to be single at that moment in time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So, in your definition a swinging single is one who plays with swinging couples and does not seek their own personal relationship?
By my definition, a swinging single does much the same as what we as a swinging couple do. If they pursue a relationship that is their business. Being a swinger doesn’t prevent someone being in a relationship.
What I mean by ‘stop gap in between relationships, I was referring to monogamous vanilla relationships. Not swingers who happened to be single at that moment in time."
Ah, ok! |
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We've met quite a few singles and the ones who understand the dynamics of swinging with couples tend to be the guys we meet more than once. A lot of the single meet guys can talk the talk when messaging and arranging a meet but 'in the flesh' they don't bring the right vibe so don't get invited back. |
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"There's been quite a bit of comment in the past that swinging, in its pure sense, can only refer to couples swapping partners and not to the activity of single men or women.
And yet many swinging couples see the addition of a third person as a key part of the swinging experience and actively seek singles through Fab.
So are singles a valid part of the swinging community, should they be allowed on Fab and, if so, can they also be called 'swingers'? "
To us it's a culture thing. For us the culture of swinging came from those wife swapping origins. If it came up in conversation with vanilla members of the public they would probably still regard it as this.
That was probably because in the past as singles having one of sex or one night stands was seen as sluttish behaviour and so discourage by society.
Now its hardly promoted nowadays, but there has been a liberalism in attitudes. So there is now more cross over between couples and singles.
But there will be places were ratios of singles and couples are very different. So swinging websites attracted more couples. Places like tinder and POF attract more singles.
To us if it works for you then you are in the right place. |
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By *rufflesCouple
over a year ago
manchester |
"We regard ourselves as swingers, in the sense that we attend swing parties and clubs and incorporate that ‘third person’ in to our sex life. We have played with couples, but we are not too partial to the couples scene, and can’t bare couples only parties. The singles that we play we are, on the whole, swingers, in that they’ve chosen swinging as a lifestyle choice. We would not feel comfortable with a ‘third person’ who is in a stop-gap in between relationships. So yes, singles can be swingers. But sadly very few are. One of the first questions I ask myself if we get messaged by a guy I like the look of is ‘are they a swinger?’
Mrs"
Very well put. Like you we also look for singles (usually males) For some reason we have found it quite difficult to meet a couple where all 4 of us are on the same wave length. In our experience, single males are either Bulls of just normal horny men that enjoy a 3 some. I think it would be quite difficult to class a single person as a swinger ?? |
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"Interesting thoughts ... so I'm now wondering how swinging is defined nowadays ..."
I'm also very interested in figuring out this.
Being new to all this, and still very much on a voyage of discovery, I can't help but wonder if I'm a bit of an interloper.
I suppose I came here looking to broaden my horizons - having been in a fairly vanilla relationship for sooooo long, with a love life that had become rather stale and perfunctory (and ultimately non-existent) - I'm kind of at a stage of "don't knock it till you've tried it"
As such, the prospect of playing around with couples is something I'm keen to find out about. Who knows, it might get really awkward and uncomfortable, or it might be amazing and mindblowing.
I'd feel a little presumptuous thinking of myself a swinger mostly because I've not had the opportunity, but also because I'm not really sure what being a swinger *is*?
How would people define this? I'm expecting some of the responses to be along the lines of "it's a mindset" - but then, what exactly *is* that mindset?
Can someone be "swing-curious"?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I like the term 'Swingle' which has just been coined. It might be defined as a single person (make or female) who plays with couples or one half of a couple with the other partner's knowledge and agreement.
What do others think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging isn't just wife swapping, there are a myriad of activities that would make me think a single is most definitely a swinger. But meeting people of the opposite sex for one on one sex is arguably the one thing that I would argue definitely isn't swinging even if a swinging website facilitates it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am here as a single only looking to meet singles as and when I require an itch scratched.
I don't view myself as a swinger but neither am I on Fab looking for a partner.
I have swung previously as a single female with couples but it got very frustrating being seen as a novelty toy for them and my needs were never met. |
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"I think we can say that singles meeting singles isn't classed as swinging."
But a single and a couple would be?
Or it's just swinging for the couple and not for the single?
Sorry. Woefully (but not wilfully) ignorant over here |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think we can say that singles meeting singles isn't classed as swinging.
But a single and a couple would be?
Or it's just swinging for the couple and not for the single?
Sorry. Woefully (but not wilfully) ignorant over here"
I suggested a definition above ... might help a bit ... |
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"I think we can say that singles meeting singles isn't classed as swinging.
But a single and a couple would be?
Or it's just swinging for the couple and not for the single?
Sorry. Woefully (but not wilfully) ignorant over here
I suggested a definition above ... might help a bit ..."
So technically it's just couples and couples - would you say that's the general colloquial understanding of it though?
Again, apologies for the refit of annoying questions, just trying to get some clarity in my head |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think we can say that singles meeting singles isn't classed as swinging.
But a single and a couple would be?
Or it's just swinging for the couple and not for the single?
Sorry. Woefully (but not wilfully) ignorant over here
I suggested a definition above ... might help a bit ...
So technically it's just couples and couples - would you say that's the general colloquial understanding of it though?
Again, apologies for the refit of annoying questions, just trying to get some clarity in my head"
I don't think that's what was being suggested. There's an acceptance of singles as swingers by some couoles. But they have to understand what it's about. |
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Well, I'm trying...
(Refit was meant to read raft by the way, Samsung autocorrect is just awful)
Thanks for the advice by the way.
What would you say are the most important things for a newbie single (swingle?) to 'get'?
Or, I suppose, looked at a different way - what are the most common and egregious mistakes and faux pas that newbies make? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well, I'm trying...
(Refit was meant to read raft by the way, Samsung autocorrect is just awful)
Thanks for the advice by the way.
What would you say are the most important things for a newbie single (swingle?) to 'get'?
Or, I suppose, looked at a different way - what are the most common and egregious mistakes and faux pas that newbies make?"
Can you not figure out for yourself that attitudes and behaviours that are likely to offend swinging couples and those that will endear you?
I honestly think those traits are ingrained in people, and you either get it or you don't. |
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"There's been quite a bit of comment in the past that swinging, in its pure sense, can only refer to couples swapping partners and not to the activity of single men or women.
And yet many swinging couples see the addition of a third person as a key part of the swinging experience and actively seek singles through Fab.
So are singles a valid part of the swinging community, should they be allowed on Fab and, if so, can they also be called 'swingers'? "
definatley. Our local club decided to make sat nights couples only and due to the response from couples they change it back to singles/couples again. Does that not tell you that the big majority of couples want single guys in their lifestyle? We most certainly do xx |
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"Well, I'm trying...
(Refit was meant to read raft by the way, Samsung autocorrect is just awful)
Thanks for the advice by the way.
What would you say are the most important things for a newbie single (swingle?) to 'get'?
Or, I suppose, looked at a different way - what are the most common and egregious mistakes and faux pas that newbies make?
Can you not figure out for yourself that attitudes and behaviours that are likely to offend swinging couples and those that will endear you?
I honestly think those traits are ingrained in people, and you either get it or you don't."
Well, no to be honest...hence the question.
I mean - unless it's just the usual kind of manners and etiquette and respecting people's boundaries, but that's a given (or at least should be), no?
I mean, I'd assume that unless otherwise stated (e.g. looking for a bull etc) that given a couple have been so accommodating as to invite you into their most intimate situation, it would seem obvious that you'd take your cue from them; defer to the partner of the same sex as you and listen to and respect what the one of the opposite sex says they want...
But we all know what assumption makes.
There have been too many other (entirely innocent and everyday) situations in which I've been blissfully unaware of completely flouting unwritten rules or trampling all over established protocols that nowadays I find it best to ask the stupid questions, and if you look stupid then so be it, but it's better than the alternative of offending people |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Well, I'm trying...
(Refit was meant to read raft by the way, Samsung autocorrect is just awful)
Thanks for the advice by the way.
What would you say are the most important things for a newbie single (swingle?) to 'get'?
Or, I suppose, looked at a different way - what are the most common and egregious mistakes and faux pas that newbies make?
Can you not figure out for yourself that attitudes and behaviours that are likely to offend swinging couples and those that will endear you?
I honestly think those traits are ingrained in people, and you either get it or you don't.
Well, no to be honest...hence the question.
I mean - unless it's just the usual kind of manners and etiquette and respecting people's boundaries, but that's a given (or at least should be), no?
I mean, I'd assume that unless otherwise stated (e.g. looking for a bull etc) that given a couple have been so accommodating as to invite you into their most intimate situation, it would seem obvious that you'd take your cue from them; defer to the partner of the same sex as you and listen to and respect what the one of the opposite sex says they want...
But we all know what assumption makes.
There have been too many other (entirely innocent and everyday) situations in which I've been blissfully unaware of completely flouting unwritten rules or trampling all over established protocols that nowadays I find it best to ask the stupid questions, and if you look stupid then so be it, but it's better than the alternative of offending people "
So long as you socialise a bit and get to know people, discuss any rules/boundaries beforehand (everyone is different) then you should be fine. Just be aware and considerate in the same way you'd expect it. To be honest you just need to do it and learn. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There's been quite a bit of comment in the past that swinging, in its pure sense, can only refer to couples swapping partners and not to the activity of single men or women.
And yet many swinging couples see the addition of a third person as a key part of the swinging experience and actively seek singles through Fab.
So are singles a valid part of the swinging community, should they be allowed on Fab and, if so, can they also be called 'swingers'? definatley. Our local club decided to make sat nights couples only and due to the response from couples they change it back to singles/couples again. Does that not tell you that the big majority of couples want single guys in their lifestyle? We most certainly do xx"
That's good to hear. Although I guess single ladies too? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We regard ourselves as swingers, in the sense that we attend swing parties and clubs and incorporate that ‘third person’ in to our sex life. We have played with couples, but we are not too partial to the couples scene, and can’t bare couples only parties. The singles that we play we are, on the whole, swingers, in that they’ve chosen swinging as a lifestyle choice. We would not feel comfortable with a ‘third person’ who is in a stop-gap in between relationships. So yes, singles can be swingers. But sadly very few are. One of the first questions I ask myself if we get messaged by a guy I like the look of is ‘are they a swinger?’
Mrs
Very well put. Like you we also look for singles (usually males) For some reason we have found it quite difficult to meet a couple where all 4 of us are on the same wave length. In our experience, single males are either Bulls of just normal horny men that enjoy a 3 some. I think it would be quite difficult to class a single person as a swinger ??"
I think if they genuinely enjoy a threesome, I would regard them as swingers. My issue is with the guys who will tolerate my husband being there in order to have sex with me. These guys are just horny guys who would prefer a one-to-one.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting thoughts ... so I'm now wondering how swinging is defined nowadays ...
I'm also very interested in figuring out this.
Being new to all this, and still very much on a voyage of discovery, I can't help but wonder if I'm a bit of an interloper.
I suppose I came here looking to broaden my horizons - having been in a fairly vanilla relationship for sooooo long, with a love life that had become rather stale and perfunctory (and ultimately non-existent) - I'm kind of at a stage of "don't knock it till you've tried it"
As such, the prospect of playing around with couples is something I'm keen to find out about. Who knows, it might get really awkward and uncomfortable, or it might be amazing and mindblowing.
I'd feel a little presumptuous thinking of myself a swinger mostly because I've not had the opportunity, but also because I'm not really sure what being a swinger *is*?
How would people define this? I'm expecting some of the responses to be along the lines of "it's a mindset" - but then, what exactly *is* that mindset?
Can someone be "swing-curious"? "
‘Swing-curious’ sounds a good word to describe you. If you are interested in exploring your sexuality with a MF couple the best thing is find a couple who doesn’t mind a man who is still at the curious stage. Or go to a club and just see what happens.
Mrs |
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"We regard ourselves as swingers, in the sense that we attend swing parties and clubs and incorporate that ‘third person’ in to our sex life. We have played with couples, but we are not too partial to the couples scene, and can’t bare couples only parties. The singles that we play we are, on the whole, swingers, in that they’ve chosen swinging as a lifestyle choice. We would not feel comfortable with a ‘third person’ who is in a stop-gap in between relationships. So yes, singles can be swingers. But sadly very few are. One of the first questions I ask myself if we get messaged by a guy I like the look of is ‘are they a swinger?’
Mrs
Very well put. Like you we also look for singles (usually males) For some reason we have found it quite difficult to meet a couple where all 4 of us are on the same wave length. In our experience, single males are either Bulls of just normal horny men that enjoy a 3 some. I think it would be quite difficult to class a single person as a swinger ??
I think if they genuinely enjoy a threesome, I would regard them as swingers. My issue is with the guys who will tolerate my husband being there in order to have sex with me. These guys are just horny guys who would prefer a one-to-one.
Mrs"
Interesting thread - as a guy who has been single for many years and who “swings” - i would say that you can be a single swinger. I can understand what you mean some single guys only swing because it means they can have sex and only tolerate the husband there.
I guess for me - who has been single for quite awhile ad who would classify himself as a swinger, I would say most of the sex I have now is with swinging couples/hotwives. I have played with some couple friends for over 5 years now... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So from a purely, ummm, 'mechanical' view so to speak, is a swinger just someone who likes to have sex with groups of people?
Sorry about all the noob questions, I'm just trying to learn"
I regard 2 people meeting and having sex privately, with no involvement of others, as the norm. I’m sure most of us did that in our youth, and certainly didn’t regard that as swinging. So if 2 people is ‘normal’, then swinging is sex that is outside the norm, ie involving more that 2 people. This could be 3-somes , 4-somes and more-somes. Or it could be 2 people with another person or people also enjoy the experience, usual by watching, but maybe by hearing about it. But whether all actively participating or otherwise, more that 2 people are involved in the experience. Which is why swinging isn’t ‘normal’ sex.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well, I'm trying...
(Refit was meant to read raft by the way, Samsung autocorrect is just awful)
Thanks for the advice by the way.
What would you say are the most important things for a newbie single (swingle?) to 'get'?
Or, I suppose, looked at a different way - what are the most common and egregious mistakes and faux pas that newbies make?"
I think if you are genuinely interested in a swinging activity eg a threesome, and are not just using the couple and tolerating the man’s presence in order to get sex, then you can’t go too wrong as a newbie single swinger. Being respectful, I find goes without saying. The only reason we personally might avoid a genuine newbie single swinger is because there is more likely to be a lack of confidence from the single man. We find it goes smoother with experienced swingers. But I think everything in life goes smoother once experience is gained.
Mrs |
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"So from a purely, ummm, 'mechanical' view so to speak, is a swinger just someone who likes to have sex with groups of people?
Sorry about all the noob questions, I'm just trying to learn
I regard 2 people meeting and having sex privately, with no involvement of others, as the norm. I’m sure most of us did that in our youth, and certainly didn’t regard that as swinging. So if 2 people is ‘normal’, then swinging is sex that is outside the norm, ie involving more that 2 people. This could be 3-somes , 4-somes and more-somes. Or it could be 2 people with another person or people also enjoy the experience, usual by watching, but maybe by hearing about it. But whether all actively participating or otherwise, more that 2 people are involved in the experience. Which is why swinging isn’t ‘normal’ sex.
Mrs"
Even when its 2 people having sex - knowing that the lady in question is married and going to tell her husband all about it - makes it “swinging” and not just “normal” sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So from a purely, ummm, 'mechanical' view so to speak, is a swinger just someone who likes to have sex with groups of people?
Sorry about all the noob questions, I'm just trying to learn
I regard 2 people meeting and having sex privately, with no involvement of others, as the norm. I’m sure most of us did that in our youth, and certainly didn’t regard that as swinging. So if 2 people is ‘normal’, then swinging is sex that is outside the norm, ie involving more that 2 people. This could be 3-somes , 4-somes and more-somes. Or it could be 2 people with another person or people also enjoy the experience, usual by watching, but maybe by hearing about it. But whether all actively participating or otherwise, more that 2 people are involved in the experience. Which is why swinging isn’t ‘normal’ sex.
Mrs
Even when its 2 people having sex - knowing that the lady in question is married and going to tell her husband all about it - makes it “swinging” and not just “normal” sex"
Exactly. In a Hotwife or cuckold scenario, 3 people will always be involved (if done properly), even if only 2 people are physically in the room at the same time. The husband watching or being told about it for his pleasure removes the sex away from the demention of ‘normal’. |
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"‘Swing-curious’ sounds a good word to describe you. If you are interested in exploring your sexuality with a MF couple the best thing is find a couple who doesn’t mind a man who is still at the curious stage. Or go to a club and just see what happens.
Mrs"
Yeah - at the moment I'm just genuinely interested in exploring what's out there. Come out of a 15 year relationship (my first) and realised that actually I'm pretty curious about everything bar having a (real) cock in me. It may turn out that actually I don't like it, but how will I know unless I try? The whole threesome (or moresome!) thing seems pretty damn appealing to be honest, and although (obviously) FFM would be more appealing, MFM is very intriguing as well...
Kinda building up to the club thing. Don't really know people on the scene and would feel a bit awkward rocking up to one of these places like a lemon being Billy No-Mates.
"I think if you are genuinely interested in a swinging activity eg a threesome, and are not just using the couple and tolerating the man’s presence in order to get sex, then you can’t go too wrong as a newbie single swinger. Being respectful, I find goes without saying. The only reason we personally might avoid a genuine newbie single swinger is because there is more likely to be a lack of confidence from the single man. We find it goes smoother with experienced swingers. But I think everything in life goes smoother once experience is gained.
Mrs "
To be honest, although I wouldn't want to get involved with the guy, his presence there would be a definite turn-on, rather than something to be tolerated. I mean - a spit-roast or DP is bloody hot, right? |
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"So from a purely, ummm, 'mechanical' view so to speak, is a swinger just someone who likes to have sex with groups of people?
Sorry about all the noob questions, I'm just trying to learn
I regard 2 people meeting and having sex privately, with no involvement of others, as the norm. I’m sure most of us did that in our youth, and certainly didn’t regard that as swinging. So if 2 people is ‘normal’, then swinging is sex that is outside the norm, ie involving more that 2 people. This could be 3-somes , 4-somes and more-somes. Or it could be 2 people with another person or people also enjoy the experience, usual by watching, but maybe by hearing about it. But whether all actively participating or otherwise, more that 2 people are involved in the experience. Which is why swinging isn’t ‘normal’ sex.
Mrs
Even when its 2 people having sex - knowing that the lady in question is married and going to tell her husband all about it - makes it “swinging” and not just “normal” sex
Exactly. In a Hotwife or cuckold scenario, 3 people will always be involved (if done properly), even if only 2 people are physically in the room at the same time. The husband watching or being told about it for his pleasure removes the sex away from the demention of ‘normal’."
Yes - i find it interesting - that on the times that i have played with a married lady /hotwife just one-on one - the intensity of the sex can be immense. Even though its just one on one. Thats where the imagination and mind are so powerful...knowing that she is married and a hotwife. And sometimes having a drink with her and her husband at the bar, all of us knowing that i will take his wife to bed, makes the whole thing very powerful.... |
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"There's been quite a bit of comment in the past that swinging, in its pure sense, can only refer to couples swapping partners and not to the activity of single men or women.
And yet many swinging couples see the addition of a third person as a key part of the swinging experience and actively seek singles through Fab.
So are singles a valid part of the swinging community, should they be allowed on Fab and, if so, can they also be called 'swingers'? "
Yes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As to the "Should singles be allowed on Fab", allowed by whom exactly? The swinging police? The couples who only swap partners for penetrative sex? The site owners, who gave the option to single people to join up?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging is not about your relationship status. It is about an attitude of mind...a lifestyle of choice. Therefore single, as part of a couple or as part of a multi/group of three or more...all are equally valid.
There are, however, increasingly members here (not just “single” guys either) who do not seem to appreciate this. |
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Thanks for the advice though 
