FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Too Vanilla
Too Vanilla
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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More and more I'm feeling inadequate about what I can offer sexually. When I meet somebody I generally feel I have the personality and looks (hopefully) covered (although not got a good body but the face is apparently pretty good  ). When it comes to what I can offer in the bedroom though I feel like I'm lacking what most are looking for. Physically I'm not that good taking a more active sexual role because I experience a lot of pain and muscle fatigue with M.E. and Fibromyalgia. Add on top of that I don't like cum and I'm very hygiene conscious (prefer me and them to be freshly showered, avoid garlic etc for 24 hours before a meet) so that can affect spontaneity somewhat. So given all of the incredible women on FAB who fuck the night away, love nothing more than a mouthful of cum and could suck cock at every given opportunity, I really feel inadequate.
I don't wish to get responses to a typical "poor me" post but I would really, really appreciate some responses from other women out there who are just as vanilla as I am. I love sex and I absolutely adore that intense sexual chemistry you get when there's that zing of mutual attraction but in finding it hard to find and wondering if it's actually not because there's a lack of decent guys but more because I'm basically telling them what a shit shag I am before they've even had the chance to get excited! I just don't want them having great expectations and then being disappointed when it comes to it, I rather under promise and over deliver if possible! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What some may think is a great fuck some may find very " vanilla "
What constitutes to a great fuck?
Personally i think theres far more to the whole expirience thank the fucking.
Lots of forplay touching, oral, the act is for me more enjoyable if im in control of who, what and where.
For me its not the banging at it for hours on end but swopping and changing whats happening at any given time.
Veri's arent a clear picture if your a great shag or not, it your over all presence and confidance in the bedroom.
Xxx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being vanilla shouldn’t be looked down on, there’s a sort of snobbery about it now. Vanilla is good, it’s all about sexual chemistry, not ticking off boxes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think porn has a lot to answer for ...
"
Most definitely but there are plenty of women on here who genuinely are just like porn when it comes to sex! I don't look down on these women at all, I think it's great, but I also can't force myself to be more like them without compromising on what I do genuinely enjoy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve met many ladies that don’t like cum so don’t worry about it. Also, you can’t beat some good old fashioned sex, just normal every day sex, nothing kinky, just 2 bodies in a passionate embrace. I think a lot of people like to brag about “pushing the boundaries” etc, but it’s honestly overrated  |
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People have different needs and expectations... If I were to describe my "style", it would be gentle/sensual, but I've had a few meets where the lady has wanted rough sex... It's just not my thing, and no matter how hard I try, it doesn't come naturally!
My perfect meet would be an all-dayer, so no time constraints which I think is a more pleasurable environment for long, sensual sex... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great hot sex is emotional. All unemotional physical sex is second rate and unsatisfying, whether it lasts all night and involves trapezing off a high wire or ends after two minutes. People on here post about having amazing sex with strangers, just like people post on social media about how amazing their lives are. It's a great show but I'm quite cynical about whether it's really all that great. What we're all seeking, whether we admit it to ourselves or not, is passion. But this involves emotional attraction first and physical attraction second. It involves a connection. If you can offer that connection then you're already offering better sex than the very best blank faced trapeze sex act. If you can't then you're little different. imo  |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I was thinking something similar recently. Due to various aches and pains I don’t play very often but when I do it’s very selective. I’m not vanilla but suffer with aches and pains the following day or two after playing. I can’t even wear high heels for long periods of time.
Everyone just has to accept what an individual brings to a meet and enjoy the experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don’t believe the hype, most people on here are content with 60 to 90 minutes actual play on a meet, all this go all night, can fuck for hours is generally just nonsense, we are sure that any playmates will just go with the flow and everyone will have a good time, people who have the best intentions, think about everyone’s needs make the best playmates, for you to have theses doubts and answer these questions makes you probably nice people to play with x |
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I have it on my profile that I live with chronic pain and disabled and not in to the rough stuff. I always ask a guy if he's read my profile thoroughly and if he has and is still interested then we will chat. Majority of guys seem to be fine with it. |
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Don’t compare yourself to other women on here, we are all different.
Vanilla sex is great. It’s not just about pounding away all night.
It’s about two people fulfilling each other’s needs in a wonderfully passionate exciting way.
I hate cum and I’m very hygienic too so you’re not alone OP.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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define vanilla sex or dirty sex ,many claim they go all nite ect ect,
some can and do in both sexes,
but mainly most of us are just the average people that enjoy the intimacy of plenty of foreplay then finnish with penetration,
it matters not how long a session lasts as long as you all enjoy the meet and leave satisfied.
you have plenty to offer others on here for other vanilla people so just concentrate on what you have to offer not what you think others may want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think porn has a lot to answer for ...
Most definitely but there are plenty of women on here who genuinely are just like porn when it comes to sex! I don't look down on these women at all, I think it's great, but I also can't force myself to be more like them without compromising on what I do genuinely enjoy. "
Don't think you have to live up to some kind of standard. Jane was the same when we started swinging, she was worried she wouldn't satisfy men that we might meet, I was a bit dumbstruck at the thought, how could she not satisfy a man? Set your rules and limits beforehand and be happy with your own sexuality, you don't have to do anything you're not happy with, and if you choose to be intimate with someone, and they you, then work on the passion and intensity and keep it as vanilla as you like |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always under promise and try to over deliver! I hate talking about sex before actually meeting the guy, you know when they say we're gonna do this and that and fuck this way and that way!
I'm shit on top, get self conscious for some bizarre reason cos I've actually got a good body and my tits look fantastic. I just make sure any guy I meet knows that when he falls asleep in my bed I am going to suck his dick whilst he sleeps and stick my tongue up his arse. It's my thing and it's important to me. But I always think other women will offer a better sexual performance than me cos my favourite thing is standard missionary guys full body weight on top of me sex. |
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"I think porn has a lot to answer for ...
"
Agree with this. Don't believe the hype tho. Not everyone is gangbanging til the cows come home or having bukkake for breakfast. (I prefer porrige).
Kink is great if that's what you're into but never feel boring if you ain't.
Vanilla is the most popular ice-cream flavour for a reason |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its not an Olympic sport OP.
Its people sharing time and experience together that satisfies the individuals involved.
We are all different. There is no right way no wrong way and what others do or claim to do should in no way change what you want what you seek and what you are happy to share with another. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
I was (him) chatting with a fun lady, the odd thing she made me feel vanilla.
Sometimes the balance of power/fun gets distorted. I know what I’m like in a dungeon type of environment, (saying the switch in the mlsses is very impressive just lately).
We all have sexual values, some align, some don’t, just don’t try to force fix it, not for longer time play.
Must be getting wiser in my age, nooo flogger was so twitchy at Pandora’s... |
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fuck it- do what you enjoy. and kinky sex in my opinion is great and I love to experiment- vanilla sex in my opinion is much harder to find and to be good at. because you don't distract one another with action but actually really enjoy the moment and each other. love vanilla with the right person! |
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"People have different needs and expectations... If I were to describe my "style", it would be gentle/sensual, but I've had a few meets where the lady has wanted rough sex... It's just not my thing, and no matter how hard I try, it doesn't come naturally!
My perfect meet would be an all-dayer, so no time constraints which I think is a more pleasurable environment for long, sensual sex..."
This sounds like a perfect meet to me. I'm vanilla and love Sex, slow, passionate and sensual. No rush just lots of mutual pleasure |
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Just be you,I know what you're saying I'm not into anything out of the ordinary eithser and haven't met any men on here that are,maybe put something on your profile to the affect if you're concerned then people know before they message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is nothing wrong with vanilla sex, it dosent have to be extreme or cum everywhere to be amazing, some if the best sex I have had could be called vanilla, there some on here who expect to be able to do what ever they want but there are a lot if us who respect boundaries and love the excitation of meeting and playing with someone new, that is the biggest turn on for me.
Nothing up with your body, looks good to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More and more I'm feeling inadequate about what I can offer sexually. When I meet somebody I generally feel I have the personality and looks (hopefully) covered (although not got a good body but the face is apparently pretty good ). When it comes to what I can offer in the bedroom though I feel like I'm lacking what most are looking for. Physically I'm not that good taking a more active sexual role because I experience a lot of pain and muscle fatigue with M.E. and Fibromyalgia. Add on top of that I don't like cum and I'm very hygiene conscious (prefer me and them to be freshly showered, avoid garlic etc for 24 hours before a meet) so that can affect spontaneity somewhat. So given all of the incredible women on FAB who fuck the night away, love nothing more than a mouthful of cum and could suck cock at every given opportunity, I really feel inadequate.
I don't wish to get responses to a typical "poor me" post but I would really, really appreciate some responses from other women out there who are just as vanilla as I am. I love sex and I absolutely adore that intense sexual chemistry you get when there's that zing of mutual attraction but in finding it hard to find and wondering if it's actually not because there's a lack of decent guys but more because I'm basically telling them what a shit shag I am before they've even had the chance to get excited! I just don't want them having great expectations and then being disappointed when it comes to it, I rather under promise and over deliver if possible!"
no one is vanilla in life and i wish people wouldnt use this as a throwaway comment.
some might like sex with the lights off
some might like sex and no foreplay
each to their own |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think sometimes it's about dynamics. With people I know,feel comfortable with and trust I can be very confident sexually. Great at taking charge and ensuring we both get what we want and need.
Meeting someone new, I'm not confident at all. I get pretty paranoid that they won't like the reality of me.
Vanilla is a word that's banded about on here a lot and often viewed as a not as good. Personally I think that's nonsense. Sexual tastes, experiences, expectations and hopes vary so much that labels like that don't actually mean anything.
I don't particularly like cum either by the way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love vanilla sex and making love as much as I love being a total wrongun the rest of the time... And I don't swallow cum either
The wonderful thing about the world of swinging is people come in all shapes and sizes xxx |
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Stop being so hard on yourself. Sex is only half of it, I like the build up the thrill of the chase or the hunt as it's called. The anticipation is a big turn on. I've met some absolutely stunning people on here and not talking physically.
Some people talk the talk and end up being crap... just be youyourself and you will find it works better
Also just remember sex is like pizza .... even when it's bad it's still quite good |
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"More and more I'm feeling inadequate about what I can offer sexually. When I meet somebody I generally feel I have the personality and looks (hopefully) covered (although not got a good body but the face is apparently pretty good ). When it comes to what I can offer in the bedroom though I feel like I'm lacking what most are looking for. Physically I'm not that good taking a more active sexual role because I experience a lot of pain and muscle fatigue with M.E. and Fibromyalgia. Add on top of that I don't like cum and I'm very hygiene conscious (prefer me and them to be freshly showered, avoid garlic etc for 24 hours before a meet) so that can affect spontaneity somewhat. So given all of the incredible women on FAB who fuck the night away, love nothing more than a mouthful of cum and could suck cock at every given opportunity, I really feel inadequate.
I don't wish to get responses to a typical "poor me" post but I would really, really appreciate some responses from other women out there who are just as vanilla as I am. I love sex and I absolutely adore that intense sexual chemistry you get when there's that zing of mutual attraction but in finding it hard to find and wondering if it's actually not because there's a lack of decent guys but more because I'm basically telling them what a shit shag I am before they've even had the chance to get excited! I just don't want them having great expectations and then being disappointed when it comes to it, I rather under promise and over deliver if possible!"
Don't believe everything you read.
Just be concerned about yourself and the people you meet.
I (f) don't indulge in the two things that are constantly being mentioned vehemently in the forums as absolutely vital to good sex. My thoughts are if people didn't like it they wouldn't contact us. I also think that I'm not changing the way I am just to get casual sex partners. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I think in a normal relationship then I would feel like maybe perhaps sexually I offer just below the general long term relationship standard so wouldn't feel under so much pressure. However with FAB, even with the social side, the end game is usually sexual so I guess I'm focusing more on it than I would a relationship where I feel I have other things to offer to even the balance within the whole relationship (like I do my marriage). It's reassuring to know that there are some like me and also that some men like that So once again, thank you x |
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Your verifications speak for themselves. Personally many people have turned me down on here because I like a cuddle - it doesn't mean I'm not adventurous, but that's the way it goes on here. Keep the faith and be yourself, and please don't worry about others on here. You may not be a cum-addicted sex addict, but I'm sure that you bring SO many more positive characteristics to the bedroom! xx |
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"Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I think in a normal relationship then I would feel like maybe perhaps sexually I offer just below the general long term relationship standard so wouldn't feel under so much pressure. However with FAB, even with the social side, the end game is usually sexual so I guess I'm focusing more on it than I would a relationship where I feel I have other things to offer to even the balance within the whole relationship (like I do my marriage). It's reassuring to know that there are some like me and also that some men like that So once again, thank you x"
What on earth is the "general long term relationship standard"!?
I think that lots of people have satisfactory sex lives 99% of the time, many according to fab have below satisfactory and some have off the scale, porn star, screaming orgasms four times a day. I think the latter are in the minority, people lie about sex...a lot. |
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"Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I think in a normal relationship then I would feel like maybe perhaps sexually I offer just below the general long term relationship standard so wouldn't feel under so much pressure. However with FAB, even with the social side, the end game is usually sexual so I guess I'm focusing more on it than I would a relationship where I feel I have other things to offer to even the balance within the whole relationship (like I do my marriage). It's reassuring to know that there are some like me and also that some men like that So once again, thank you x
What on earth is the "general long term relationship standard"!?
I think that lots of people have satisfactory sex lives 99% of the time, many according to fab have below satisfactory and some have off the scale, porn star, screaming orgasms four times a day. I think the latter are in the minority, people lie about sex...a lot."
Couldn't agree more - this site suffers from a bias towards claiming that we're all porn stars LOL - it's either banging for Britain or nothing else. Sex should be relaxed, fun and enjoyable - it DOESN'T have to be off the scale every time. That said if a single chap meets a couple he's often obliged to do his level best to ensure that he does an enjoyable job LOL! |
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I'm all for pure BDSM in the bedroom, and out of the bedroom too, for that matter. However you really can't go wrong with a good fuck, and that can be as 'nilla as you like as long as there's good chemistry.
For me it's about fun, compatibility and losing yourself, not serious marathons where everyone's scoring the play. |
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"Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I think in a normal relationship then I would feel like maybe perhaps sexually I offer just below the general long term relationship standard so wouldn't feel under so much pressure. However with FAB, even with the social side, the end game is usually sexual so I guess I'm focusing more on it than I would a relationship where I feel I have other things to offer to even the balance within the whole relationship (like I do my marriage). It's reassuring to know that there are some like me and also that some men like that So once again, thank you x
What on earth is the "general long term relationship standard"!?
I think that lots of people have satisfactory sex lives 99% of the time, many according to fab have below satisfactory and some have off the scale, porn star, screaming orgasms four times a day. I think the latter are in the minority, people lie about sex...a lot.
Couldn't agree more - this site suffers from a bias towards claiming that we're all porn stars LOL - it's either banging for Britain or nothing else. Sex should be relaxed, fun and enjoyable - it DOESN'T have to be off the scale every time. That said if a single chap meets a couple he's often obliged to do his level best to ensure that he does an enjoyable job LOL!"
I think when people meet from fab there is often a high level of expectation most of which we put on ourselves. I think its down to all paticipants to ensure everyone enjoys themself. Often the situation itself is enough to give it a frisson that isn't always available in your own bedroom.
Speaking for myself only I always assume that if someone wants to meet us, they will have at least looked at our pictures and sometimes even read our profile so will have a fair idea of what to expect. A few messages and a social meet usually sorts out if they think we'll be a disappointment or not .
We're all just people doing the best we can with what we're given |
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