FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Whatever happened to flirting?
Whatever happened to flirting?
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"It's on our profile, Jane likes a guy to flirt with her, be it the guy from a couple or a guy for a threesome, she wants to feel some sort of connection. Recently, and to be honest a lot of the meets we've had, I've made it clear to guys that they need to flirt with her, chat her up and get her into the mood, but alas this just hasn't happened. Hotel meets have been the worst experience so far, I always meet the men outside and let them know what's expected, however every single one has simply not even tried to flirt. Walking in a hotel room and starting to undress does not count as flirting, even if Jane is sat on the bed in a bathrobe, undress her mind before you reach for the towel. One of the things we hoped to achieve when we started swinging was, good friendships with a similar interest for a start, but that by inviting new people into our sexual relationship we may find something we have just overlooked, we may meet someone that really is as good as he thinks he is and I, David, would be the first to put my hand up and say, I'll add that one to memory, good effort. The sad truth is we haven't, of all the meets only one chap came close, the rest must have thought we were running a brothel, in they came and left! For the love of god, work on your banter, flirt ffs! That said, we met a great couple the other night, great night had by all and that was just a social "Went the same way as the likely lads I guess | |||
"Blimey, being a single guy on here can be really tricky." I don't think so, we've met enough, but the lack of banter is alarming! | |||
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" Plenty flirt. " Indeed | |||
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"If you expect someone to flirt with you, why not have drinks first!? The whole threesome thing can be daunting, and I expect there’s further pressure by these expectations..." I agree with this. I think if I was meeting someone and was instructed to flirt first, I'd definitely get stage fright. Especially in regards to a hotel meet. If you meet in a social setting initially, it can create a more relaxing enviroment initially and allow that person to be able to get into the banter flow | |||
"If you expect someone to flirt with you, why not have drinks first!? The whole threesome thing can be daunting, and I expect there’s further pressure by these expectations... I agree with this. I think if I was meeting someone and was instructed to flirt first, I'd definitely get stage fright. Especially in regards to a hotel meet. If you meet in a social setting initially, it can create a more relaxing enviroment initially and allow that person to be able to get into the banter flow "Completely! Especially with the husband watching too. | |||
" Completely! Especially with the husband watching too." Now thats all the encouragement j need | |||
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"Blimey, being a single guy on here can be really tricky. I don't think so, we've met enough, but the lack of banter is alarming!" To me, banter is not the same as flirting. Banter can be irritating as hell, flirting is gentle, flattering, and a turn-on. | |||
"I can't see the problem myself, I have been in that very situation and the woman of the couple said to me it was refreshing that I didn't just get undressed and expect her to perform. She was on the bed and dressed in delightful lingerie, I still didn't feel any pressure. The situation is made clear before any meet and discussed again beforehand when I meet the guys outside. They are the ones full of promise, not I, they are the confident ones messaging us and telling us how good it will be. I don't think I'm asking much for someone to do as they say, if I were to make such a bold proclamation then I'd try my bloody hardest to deliver. No one is forced to turn up, no one is led down the garden path, and no one is asked to do something they are uncomfortable with. I didn't realise confidence was so lacking in some of the male respondents "The first thing which occurred on reading tiur OP was “you’re in a hotel, why not meet in the bar”. Then I read down and saw several people had said the same thing, and talked about the pressure on the guy involved. I totally agree. But you don’t want to take that overwhelming consensus that on board. So carry on doing the same thing and carry on getting the result you don’t want. Seems to me you have a specific fantasy you want to fulfil and you are frustrated it isn’t going your way. What does your wife think by the way, have you asked her ? | |||
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"Flirting is defo a lost art. A bit of flirting or cheeky banter goes a long way.... "I agree it dos | |||
" The first thing which occurred on reading tiur OP was “you’re in a hotel, why not meet in the bar”. Then I read down and saw several people had said the same thing, and talked about the pressure on the guy involved. I totally agree. But you don’t want to take that overwhelming consensus that on board. So carry on doing the same thing and carry on getting the result you don’t want. Seems to me you have a specific fantasy you want to fulfil and you are frustrated it isn’t going your way. What does your wife think by the way, have you asked her ?" You're making a lot of assumptions here, many of which are wrong. | |||
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All that delicious eye contact and sizzling body language, tentative touches, melting in the warmth of burgeoning desires. Why the heck would anyone want to skip that?!?  Sign me up for a flirtathon  | |||
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"I guess if you want flirting, you want flirting, but it might work better if the man meets the woman in a bar." I was about to say this. Flirting straight in the hotel room when she's already in a dressing gown isn't going to work. You want men to put the effort in.. Then you both need to do the same too in my eyes. Best to meet for a social and let the flirting start there. It's just some advice not a dig. *Mrs | |||
"Flirting has to be natural, there needs to be a spark between all involved, that's why drinks first is always the better option If I walked into a hotel room and was instructed to flirt straight away I'd imagine I'd come out with something dumb and awkward like "Hi, you smell brilliant"" This made me laugh *mrs | |||
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"Flirting has to be natural, there needs to be a spark between all involved, that's why drinks first is always the better option If I walked into a hotel room and was instructed to flirt straight away I'd imagine I'd come out with something dumb and awkward like "Hi, you smell brilliant"" What would you do if you were a hotel inspector who'd accidentally walked into a room with a deliciously sexy woman lying in bed in sexy neglige and looking like she's up for a bit of naughtiness? A) Apologise profusely and make a sharp exit B) Throw yourself at her shouting "Whahey here comes cocky!!" C) Say "Hi, you smell brilliant" D) Apologise profusely but make a special effort to compliment her on how beautiful she is and start flirting I agree that some swinging situations suck the eroticism out of sex, and perhaps meeting in a hotel room can be one such situation. But just because she's not playing hard to get doesn't mean you can't | |||
"I love flirting and being flirted with. But yeah being told its a requirement would probably put me off. " Bit of a given really I would have thought. I'm a big flirt and love being flirted with but I would find it weird if someone told me to flirt. Also agree with lots of other posters, meet in the bar first. Don't add unnecessary pressure to a meet | |||
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"These days they call it banter but i agree the art of flirting has been lost.. Probably due to the rise of sites like this where certain types of people dont like to have to jump through a few hoops to get a shag" To reiterate, banter as I understand it is not flirting. It is a clumsy, "jokey" version which is frequently offensive. Real flirting is respectful, subtle and makes both flirter and flirtee feel good. I don't think it's a particularly British skill (with a few notable exceptions). Much more common and an accepted way of interacting in Latin countries and elsewhere in the world | |||
"I listed one scenario here and almost everyone jumped to a conclusion and started down the lecture route. The assumption we haven't tried many scenarios, or discussed it ad nauseum, is a surprise to be honest. I asked whatever happened to flirting, and the response so far has has been "you are doing it wrong, and men get stage fright" " Why is it a surprise? There is nothing in your OP to give any indication of that. If every single response in this thread has come to the same ‘surprising’ conclusion, does that not tell you something? I’d argue that the point still stands. Flirting is not some lost art. People still flirt. However, for it to happen, for it to produce that tingle of excitement in you, it has to happen organically. If, as you say, you make it clear on your profile, and in messages, AND you meet the guy outside to remind him of his ‘obligation’, the chance of there being any natural flirting is dead in the water, regardless of where in the hotel you are, or how your wife is dressed. It’s your own actions that are preventing it from happening, and the more you drive home the point to these unfortunate chaps, the further it will get from your grasp. You’d be better off never, ever mentioning flirting in your profile or any messages. When it comes to a meet, tell the guy when arranging it that your wife needs to feel a personal connection before there will be any chance of heading to the room. And probably leave the two of them alone for a bit to let it develop. Mostly, though, as with all things in life, don’t use your own experiences to make broad assumptions about how the rest of the world is or isn’t working. | |||
"banter" I hate that word. It’s a shit word used to hide a multitude of sins, from bullying through to people who think they’re funny despite all the evidence to the contrary. I’d happily take the word, and everyone who wears it as a badge of honour, and fire them into the sun. | |||
"I think your problem is diving straight into a hotel room, couldn't you meet in the bar first for flirting before heading to the room?" absolutely true. Why make them work for it when they can see whats on offer. Fully dressed at the bar they have to stimulate the mind | |||
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"It's on our profile, Jane likes a guy to flirt with her, be it the guy from a couple or a guy for a threesome, she wants to feel some sort of connection. Recently, and to be honest a lot of the meets we've had, I've made it clear to guys that they need to flirt with her, chat her up and get her into the mood, but alas this just hasn't happened. Hotel meets have been the worst experience so far, I always meet the men outside and let them know what's expected, however every single one has simply not even tried to flirt. Walking in a hotel room and starting to undress does not count as flirting, even if Jane is sat on the bed in a bathrobe, undress her mind before you reach for the towel. One of the things we hoped to achieve when we started swinging was, good friendships with a similar interest for a start, but that by inviting new people into our sexual relationship we may find something we have just overlooked, we may meet someone that really is as good as he thinks he is and I, David, would be the first to put my hand up and say, I'll add that one to memory, good effort. The sad truth is we haven't, of all the meets only one chap came close, the rest must have thought we were running a brothel, in they came and left! For the love of god, work on your banter, flirt ffs! That said, we met a great couple the other night, great night had by all and that was just a social "Flirting on demand? Does she flirt back or say hello first? Does the bloke just have to start flirting? I think it would be better to meet in a bar beforehand and let the chat be more natural | |||
"I listed one scenario here and almost everyone jumped to a conclusion and started down the lecture route. The assumption we haven't tried many scenarios, or discussed it ad nauseum, is a surprise to be honest. I asked whatever happened to flirting, and the response so far has has been "you are doing it wrong, and men get stage fright" " People can only comment on what you put in your op 
Nail on the head time...everyone needs to be mind readers it seems | |||
"banter I hate that word. It’s a shit word used to hide a multitude of sins, from bullying through to people who think they’re funny despite all the evidence to the contrary. I’d happily take the word, and everyone who wears it as a badge of honour, and fire them into the sun." Another thumbs down for "banter" (urgh! makes my skin crawl) here. Connotes crude lewd cheeky pinch and tickle men who have about as much seductive charm as a Ryanair toilet after a 12 hour flight  | |||
"If you expect someone to flirt with you, why not have drinks first!? The whole threesome thing can be daunting, and I expect there’s further pressure by these expectations... I agree with this. I think if I was meeting someone and was instructed to flirt first, I'd definitely get stage fright. Especially in regards to a hotel meet. If you meet in a social setting initially, it can create a more relaxing enviroment initially and allow that person to be able to get into the banter flow "I agree .... it sounded more like an audition!!! Where was the consideration for the guy or was he just there to provide someone else's fun? | |||
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"Blimey, being a single guy on here can be really tricky." A performing seal is what the OP is looking for....flirting is a two way thing! | |||
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"I love flirting. If it’s clearly explained by the male beforehand it shouldn’t be a problem. " Wonder if he could give the guy a script to make it a bit easier | |||
"You mean wanna fuck isn't flirting "Sure it is... just wouldn't use it as an opener (too often) | |||
"I love flirting. If it’s clearly explained by the male beforehand it shouldn’t be a problem. Wonder if he could give the guy a script to make it a bit easier " How about X Factor style auditions? 3 judges, the OP, a random Male and a random female. Winner gets to go flirt in the hotel room with wife in the dressing gown while hubby watches on...! | |||
"I love flirting. If it’s clearly explained by the male beforehand it shouldn’t be a problem. " Your second sentence makes me doubt your understanding of the first. | |||
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"It's on our profile, Jane likes a guy to flirt with her, be it the guy from a couple or a guy for a threesome, she wants to feel some sort of connection. Recently, and to be honest a lot of the meets we've had, I've made it clear to guys that they need to flirt with her, chat her up and get her into the mood, but alas this just hasn't happened. Hotel meets have been the worst experience so far, I always meet the men outside and let them know what's expected, however every single one has simply not even tried to flirt. Walking in a hotel room and starting to undress does not count as flirting, even if Jane is sat on the bed in a bathrobe, undress her mind before you reach for the towel. One of the things we hoped to achieve when we started swinging was, good friendships with a similar interest for a start, but that by inviting new people into our sexual relationship we may find something we have just overlooked, we may meet someone that really is as good as he thinks he is and I, David, would be the first to put my hand up and say, I'll add that one to memory, good effort. The sad truth is we haven't, of all the meets only one chap came close, the rest must have thought we were running a brothel, in they came and left! For the love of god, work on your banter, flirt ffs! That said, we met a great couple the other night, great night had by all and that was just a social "my mrs needs this as well, got to be able to flirt/laugh your way into her knickers guys, they not gonna automatically drop for you without any effort | |||
"It's on our profile, Jane likes a guy to flirt with her, be it the guy from a couple or a guy for a threesome, she wants to feel some sort of connection. Recently, and to be honest a lot of the meets we've had, I've made it clear to guys that they need to flirt with her, chat her up and get her into the mood, but alas this just hasn't happened. Hotel meets have been the worst experience so far, I always meet the men outside and let them know what's expected, however every single one has simply not even tried to flirt. Walking in a hotel room and starting to undress does not count as flirting, even if Jane is sat on the bed in a bathrobe, undress her mind before you reach for the towel. One of the things we hoped to achieve when we started swinging was, good friendships with a similar interest for a start, but that by inviting new people into our sexual relationship we may find something we have just overlooked, we may meet someone that really is as good as he thinks he is and I, David, would be the first to put my hand up and say, I'll add that one to memory, good effort. The sad truth is we haven't, of all the meets only one chap came close, the rest must have thought we were running a brothel, in they came and left! For the love of god, work on your banter, flirt ffs! That said, we met a great couple the other night, great night had by all and that was just a social "my mrs needs this as well, got to be able to flirt/laugh your way into her knickers guys, they not gonna automatically drop for you without any effort | |||
"You mean wanna fuck isn't flirting
Sure it is... just wouldn't use it as an opener (too often) "That's surprising considering how many guys do  | |||
"my mrs needs this as well, got to be able to flirt/laugh your way into her knickers guys, they not gonna automatically drop for you without any effort " You haven’t bothered your arse to read the thread, then. | |||
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"You mean wanna fuck isn't flirting
Sure it is... just wouldn't use it as an opener (too often)
That's surprising considering how many guys do "Well maybe you give off the impression that you're just that easy! | |||
