FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > How to make interest known to men in clubs
How to make interest known to men in clubs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work."
Doubt you would have to worry, will be plenty of men approaching you xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Say hello perhaps "
Yes, I do all the chat, and think I have good social skills. It's best if things develop naturally from talking, of course, but don't want to monopolise or restrict someone. Trouble is if he goes off, someone else usually nabs him! I find it a difficult balance. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work.
Doubt you would have to worry, will be plenty of men approaching you xxx"
Actually you're wrong, men rarely approach me in clubs which is why I am asking for advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if i clubbed alone id feel like i was at an auction - not daring to catch the eyes for fear of getting something i didnt
- joking aside - just chat no pressure |
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Married women have the same problem to.I tell wife if she likes the look of a guy to give him a smile or a wink. That's what I do to the ladies.then we either chat later and progress should be easy for you. We do find some guys hesitant when she with me. So I will either may trip to bar or toilet to give them a bit of space
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for all the replies/suggestions. I think I just have to carry on playing it by ear, and realise that not everyone will read the signs or of course be interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not sure as I’m a bit upfront, I don’t want to spend all night just chatting away I’d rather whisper sweet nothings in your ear or moan loudly as I’m being fked or played with (and vice versa) instead, I usually start of with a five to ten min giggle and chat then I’d be upfront and ask if they wanted to join me in a room??? That’s for male and females! |
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"Married women have the same problem to.I tell wife if she likes the look of a guy to give him a smile or a wink. That's what I do to the ladies.then we either chat later and progress should be easy for you. We do find some guys hesitant when she with me. So I will either may trip to bar or toilet to give them a bit of space
"
I regularly do that.
Mrs H is quite passive when we are in a club and I can count on one hand the number of times she has made the first move with a guy.
Quite often we will notice a guy looking at her but hasn't the courage to approach her when I am there.
I just wander off for the toilet or just a walk around the club for a few minutes and more often than not he will be chatting to her when I return.
It's usually not long before they are off to a playroom.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Married women have the same problem to.I tell wife if she likes the look of a guy to give him a smile or a wink. That's what I do to the ladies.then we either chat later and progress should be easy for you. We do find some guys hesitant when she with me. So I will either may trip to bar or toilet to give them a bit of space
I regularly do that.
Mrs H is quite passive when we are in a club and I can count on one hand the number of times she has made the first move with a guy.
Quite often we will notice a guy looking at her but hasn't the courage to approach her when I am there.
I just wander off for the toilet or just a walk around the club for a few minutes and more often than not he will be chatting to her when I return.
It's usually not long before they are off to a playroom. "
I wonder why men don't have the courage to approach? It's a club for God's sake! And equally difficult for a woman to make the first move. |
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work."
A simple smile or a “hello” would do the trick. Any guy that doesn’t respond to that and at least chat, shouldn’t be in a club |
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"Married women have the same problem to.I tell wife if she likes the look of a guy to give him a smile or a wink. That's what I do to the ladies.then we either chat later and progress should be easy for you. We do find some guys hesitant when she with me. So I will either may trip to bar or toilet to give them a bit of space
I regularly do that.
Mrs H is quite passive when we are in a club and I can count on one hand the number of times she has made the first move with a guy.
Quite often we will notice a guy looking at her but hasn't the courage to approach her when I am there.
I just wander off for the toilet or just a walk around the club for a few minutes and more often than not he will be chatting to her when I return.
It's usually not long before they are off to a playroom.
I wonder why men don't have the courage to approach? It's a club for God's sake! And equally difficult for a woman to make the first move. "
But it’s so lovely when they do. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
3 words....
talk....to... them.....
people aren't mindreaders... and we are all adults...
the worst thing that can happen is that they say "no thank you!"
if a no thank you mortally offends, then to be honest you shouldn't be swinging....... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work.
A simple smile or a “hello” would do the trick. Any guy that doesn’t respond to that and at least chat, shouldn’t be in a club"
I used to smile and say hello to guys I wasn’t interested in, just being friendly I’d hate it if they took that as I want you!!
I think clubs are really hard, you either get some dick approaching you thinking just coz you’re there you’ll have sex with with him or you end up dancing round the subject and speak to them later only to realise you both really wanted each other but neither wanted to make the first move. |
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work.
A simple smile or a “hello” would do the trick. Any guy that doesn’t respond to that and at least chat, shouldn’t be in a club
I used to smile and say hello to guys I wasn’t interested in, just being friendly I’d hate it if they took that as I want you!!
I think clubs are really hard, you either get some dick approaching you thinking just coz you’re there you’ll have sex with with him or you end up dancing round the subject and speak to them later only to realise you both really wanted each other but neither wanted to make the first move."
I can see the difficulty. I’m an optimist and believe the overwhelming majority of people are polite and respectful so would act the same in a club as any social setting. It’s natural to want to catch someone’s eye, smile, chat even.I guess this is skewed by some men (not all) going to clubs with limited interests other than wanking (the wanking dead is one description) and perving. They lack social skills. I guess if you encounter a couple of those then the barriers go up.
Party hats perhaps that say ‘ I’m nice, talk to me’
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!"
I am traditional and not comfortable in a predatory role, and frankly why should I encourage men to be lazier than they (often) already are? Believe me, I am not shy and find it easy to chat to and approach strangers but my ideal is a situation when both genders make an equal effort. |
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"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!"
I've been saying that to Mrs H for years, but it's very rare that she will go for it.
Quite often she will say to me "oh he is nice" I tell her to go and say
hello or something to him, but she nearly always bottles it.
It's not unknown for me to approach a guy on her behalf.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!"
I know it’s not seen as the correct way to behave these days but I still prefer a man to approach me and make me feel beautiful, flatter me a bit.
I find it really easy to chat and flirt with men but unfortunately for me, if I fancy someone I go all shy and can’t bring myself to make eye contact (unless they approach me, then I’m fine!). So I usually get the guys I’m not interested in, interested in me!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The vast majority of men don't get it but the universal female signal of interest is eye contact. Where there's no interest it will be missing, denied, or quickly curtailed. Where there is interest it will be repeated.
It's a subtle invitation. But repeat eye contact is an invitation nonetheless. Of course, it's not an invitation to fuck. Indeed it may not even denote sexual attraction. But it does suggest an openness to engage with you which simply isn't there when it's missing, denied, or curtailed.
This should work at clubs with those men who have a certain understanding of women. The rest? Club em over the back of the head and drag them off to your cave  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We often struggle, we happily chat to people but lack to confidence to invite people up to the play rooms. I'm sure we will get more confident but any tips would be gratefully received  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just let the hear you mentioning to your friend how much you need a fuck, and then wink at them, that should do it lol"
I was once overheard saying to Him something along the lines of fuuuuuuck me that lady over there is gorgeous ... luckily her fella was behind me at the bar so he introduced us
I try to make eye contact and smile at someone I like the look of ... if they smile back I might go over ... depends if the prosecco fuelled confidence has kicked in yet x |
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"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!
I am traditional and not comfortable in a predatory role, and frankly why should I encourage men to be lazier than they (often) already are? Believe me, I am not shy and find it easy to chat to and approach strangers but my ideal is a situation when both genders make an equal effort. "
I've been to a few clubs now, as a single guy, as many of the regular forum users will know, and I have been far from 'lazy' when trying to approach people inside  I find myself having to walk on eggshells, trying to find that balance between 'polite and respectful', and 'full of himself'. I've never walked around, cock in hand, like these 'wank zombies' people often refer to, and the bulk of my visits I have largely been ignored, or worse; viewed through the dead eyes of 'Oh no, not another single guy trying his luck  '. It is interesting to see a female's perspective for a change, and I wish others would be just that little bit more forward in future  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
see.... i find it interesting that so many people sit back....
see... there are two ways i look at it...
1) if "everyone" waits on "someone" else to do "something"..... then invariably "nothing" will end up being done
2) you can all sit on your arses and be reactive, and hence this type of thread.... OR you can go out, get off those derrieres and be PROACTIVE.....
hunter.... or hunted.... at least if you are the hunter you are the one in control!
shy bairns get nowt.....
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But you will find most women prefer the guys to make first move. Of all the guys we have met at club. She has only ever made first move once. 1 she really fancied this guy who had looked at her several times 2 it was our first time at social so she bit the bullet. It ended up a very good night. And led to a couple of meets with him. A few do come up some she likes some she don't. She now let's me know so I can give them the go to go further than chat. Or for me to invite them to join in while we are playing. You can see the look on sone guys facing when they realise they have missed there chance. They not shy at comming forward the next time we see them at club. For the ones she not interested in I let down gently.they still get a kick out of watching us. But the worst guys in club are the ones who come up say hello and think they can just expect to get laid because their are women at club. |
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Why not print up some
Online buisness cards
But instead of the usual
Guff on them
A simple message
"It's you I've chosen follow me "
"Come on boy you've pulled "
Or whatever little ditty catchline you desire .
As the old saying says
Fail to prepare
Prepare to fail
Happy Hunting .
P.s Men do not try this on women .
Women will laugh or slap your head
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
Can only speak for myself obviously. I would welcone a lady coming over just to chat let alone more. If after a little bit of chat you just straight out asked me if I was up for it or not you would make my job so much easier. I am useless with hints so I would much prefer the direct aporoach. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Spot the signs they are interested. 6ft away looking in your direction on and of multiple times, they like what they see - mirror there gaze. if they come to 3ft do the same and stand more directly towards you, definitely into you. If you have an Open posture, smile and widen your eyes as you gaze. They should approach you from that point if they are man enough.. got to love body language... happy hunting |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"see.... i find it interesting that so many people sit back....
see... there are two ways i look at it...
1) if "everyone" waits on "someone" else to do "something"..... then invariably "nothing" will end up being done
2) you can all sit on your arses and be reactive, and hence this type of thread.... OR you can go out, get off those derrieres and be PROACTIVE.....
hunter.... or hunted.... at least if you are the hunter you are the one in control!
shy bairns get nowt.....
"
I find the terms "hunter" and "hunted" objectionable and too facile. There has to be some subtlety and mutual desire for me. But hey, what do I know! |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!
I am traditional and not comfortable in a predatory role, and frankly why should I encourage men to be lazier than they (often) already are? Believe me, I am not shy and find it easy to chat to and approach strangers but my ideal is a situation when both genders make an equal effort. "
Thinking that it is the men being lazy is the problem. Read other replies here to see why.
The same night in a club, I acknowledged a couple and was given the eyes averted treatment. I was just coming back from the loo. I didn't think anything about it. A few hours later I was sat in the bar area with the lady who was accompanying me for the evening. The same couple from earlier walked passed and where all smiles and the bloke nodded to me. Go figure. |
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"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!
I am traditional and not comfortable in a predatory role, and frankly why should I encourage men to be lazier than they (often) already are? Believe me, I am not shy and find it easy to chat to and approach strangers but my ideal is a situation when both genders make an equal effort.
Thinking that it is the men being lazy is the problem. Read other replies here to see why.
The same night in a club, I acknowledged a couple and was given the eyes averted treatment. I was just coming back from the loo. I didn't think anything about it. A few hours later I was sat in the bar area with the lady who was accompanying me for the evening. The same couple from earlier walked passed and where all smiles and the bloke nodded to me. Go figure."
Humans! What a complex complicated lot we are. All different of course. I guess the challenges are from some guys not wanting to be seen as too pushy, and women a little wary as they may have had unwanted attention or a bad experience. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!
I am traditional and not comfortable in a predatory role, and frankly why should I encourage men to be lazier than they (often) already are? Believe me, I am not shy and find it easy to chat to and approach strangers but my ideal is a situation when both genders make an equal effort.
Thinking that it is the men being lazy is the problem. Read other replies here to see why.
The same night in a club, I acknowledged a couple and was given the eyes averted treatment. I was just coming back from the loo. I didn't think anything about it. A few hours later I was sat in the bar area with the lady who was accompanying me for the evening. The same couple from earlier walked passed and where all smiles and the bloke nodded to me. Go figure."
Or maybe it's just a case of people being there for different reasons? |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
I find the terms "hunter" and "hunted" objectionable and too facile. There has to be some subtlety and mutual desire for me. But hey, what do I know! "
fine.... replace "hunter" and "hunted" with "proactive" and "reactive", and the point still stands
moan about it... or do something about it........
the thing about subtlety is that its only subtle if the other person gets its.... if not then your version of Subtlety isn't actually telling the other person anything....
so unless the other person is a world class mindreader.... you can't presume the other person is understanding unless the actual words come out of your mouth......
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I find the terms "hunter" and "hunted" objectionable and too facile. There has to be some subtlety and mutual desire for me. But hey, what do I know!
fine.... replace "hunter" and "hunted" with "proactive" and "reactive", and the point still stands
moan about it... or do something about it........
the thing about subtlety is that its only subtle if the other person gets its.... if not then your version of Subtlety isn't actually telling the other person anything....
so unless the other person is a world class mindreader.... you can't presume the other person is understanding unless the actual words come out of your mouth......
"
I am not moaning and I am trying to obtain some constructive viewpoints... And mind reading is miles away from being unperceptive and insensitive. Guess I am behaving subtly in a very unsubtle environment and so have to change my approach |
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"
I find the terms "hunter" and "hunted" objectionable and too facile. There has to be some subtlety and mutual desire for me. But hey, what do I know!
fine.... replace "hunter" and "hunted" with "proactive" and "reactive", and the point still stands
moan about it... or do something about it........
the thing about subtlety is that its only subtle if the other person gets its.... if not then your version of Subtlety isn't actually telling the other person anything....
so unless the other person is a world class mindreader.... you can't presume the other person is understanding unless the actual words come out of your mouth......
I am not moaning and I am trying to obtain some constructive viewpoints... And mind reading is miles away from being unperceptive and insensitive. Guess I am behaving subtly in a very unsubtle environment and so have to change my approach "
Perhaps it’s meant to be like this. It at was easy, not so much fun? |
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What I’d respond to is if someone :
1) Caught my attention then Winked at me.
2) Looked at me from time to time (holding their gaze for 2seconds) and smiling might get some of my attention too.
3) Motioned someone over would probably be the strongest one. This one is difficult to ignore and it’s hard to walk away from. If he looked around and pointed at himself, just nod and motion him over again. |
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"3 words....
talk....to... them.....
people aren't mindreaders... and we are all adults...
the worst thing that can happen is that they say "no thank you!"
if a no thank you mortally offends, then to be honest you shouldn't be swinging......."
Exactly this - if we like the look of someone, especially single men we just talk to them and this nearly always ends up in lots of fun |
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"3 words....
talk....to... them.....
people aren't mindreaders... and we are all adults...
the worst thing that can happen is that they say "no thank you!"
if a no thank you mortally offends, then to be honest you shouldn't be swinging.......
Exactly this - if we like the look of someone, especially single men we just talk to them and this nearly always ends up in lots of fun "
With good people involved it is actually quite easy. Thanks OP for an interesting thread. Makes a welcome change to the music things, look at me, profile advice, bareback issues, not to mention the rubbish I post. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"3 words....
talk....to... them.....
people aren't mindreaders... and we are all adults...
the worst thing that can happen is that they say "no thank you!"
I’ve found the less I think or worry about stuff the more things happen. I know it’s easier said than done but go out to have fun and you just never know. If you go out looking for a man then you don’t even have fun x
if a no thank you mortally offends, then to be honest you shouldn't be swinging.......
Exactly this - if we like the look of someone, especially single men we just talk to them and this nearly always ends up in lots of fun "
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work."
Haha even direct approach can fall on deaf ears. I think a lot of men either are not sure of themselves so don't know if you're being polite or are too shy to act on advances |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was once in Cupid’s during the day only about 8 people in there. I often went in and just chatted with the staff and regulars but didn’t play. This day there was a stunning guy in there, we all got talking as a group but he didn’t acknowledge me at all. Think I went off to the sauna or something and when I returned he was taking this lady who was extremely large down to the playrooms. I thought to myself oh I obviously not his type of woman (that was my way of dealing with the fact I couldn’t have him ). Anyway the next time I was in the bar staff told me he’d been asking about me, and been in a few times looking for me and he’d only taken the other lady as he thought I wasn’t interested. Guess when nobody makes the first move you get nowhere  |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!
I am traditional and not comfortable in a predatory role, and frankly why should I encourage men to be lazier than they (often) already are? Believe me, I am not shy and find it easy to chat to and approach strangers but my ideal is a situation when both genders make an equal effort.
Thinking that it is the men being lazy is the problem. Read other replies here to see why.
The same night in a club, I acknowledged a couple and was given the eyes averted treatment. I was just coming back from the loo. I didn't think anything about it. A few hours later I was sat in the bar area with the lady who was accompanying me for the evening. The same couple from earlier walked passed and where all smiles and the bloke nodded to me. Go figure.
Or maybe it's just a case of people being there for different reasons? "
The reasons changed between them seeing me as a sibgle guy and seeing me as a couple? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!
I am traditional and not comfortable in a predatory role, and frankly why should I encourage men to be lazier than they (often) already are? Believe me, I am not shy and find it easy to chat to and approach strangers but my ideal is a situation when both genders make an equal effort.
I've been to a few clubs now, as a single guy, as many of the regular forum users will know, and I have been far from 'lazy' when trying to approach people inside I find myself having to walk on eggshells, trying to find that balance between 'polite and respectful', and 'full of himself'. I've never walked around, cock in hand, like these 'wank zombies' people often refer to, and the bulk of my visits I have largely been ignored, or worse; viewed through the dead eyes of 'Oh no, not another single guy trying his luck '. It is interesting to see a female's perspective for a change, and I wish others would be just that little bit more forward in future "
Good point.
It's fine saying that women supposedly want men to make the first move, but when many women go nuts when a man so much as looks in her direction, what the heck are they supposed to do?! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!
I am traditional and not comfortable in a predatory role, and frankly why should I encourage men to be lazier than they (often) already are? Believe me, I am not shy and find it easy to chat to and approach strangers but my ideal is a situation when both genders make an equal effort.
Thinking that it is the men being lazy is the problem. Read other replies here to see why.
The same night in a club, I acknowledged a couple and was given the eyes averted treatment. I was just coming back from the loo. I didn't think anything about it. A few hours later I was sat in the bar area with the lady who was accompanying me for the evening. The same couple from earlier walked passed and where all smiles and the bloke nodded to me. Go figure.
Or maybe it's just a case of people being there for different reasons?
The reasons changed between them seeing me as a sibgle guy and seeing me as a couple?"
Yes, and perhaps their aim that evening was to hook up with another couple |
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By *lubitMan
over a year ago
Telford |
Lets see. Ways women have let me know they were interested in a club. 1 and 2 being the most common, others one offs:
1)Sat next to me in the hot tub and said Hi, then put a hand on my knee. If it's not brushed away and chatting commences, the hands tend to wander.
2)Look at me and deliberately smile. Then I'll try and engineer a reason to be nearby and if you let me join in any conversation happening. I'll figure things are on if you keep talking and don't move away/cut me out.
3)Lady at the bar telling the bar staff loudly she'd like someone to suck off while her tea cooled down. Subtle that one.
4)Lying on the round bed in Chams with her legs spread as far apart as you can, saying "come on guys".
5)Lady walking past saying "hey I saw you last week, join in if you see me later."
But basically if you don't turn your back on me, or tell me it's not on in one way or another. I'll assume it's on and slowly get more and more "intimate" unless/until you stop me.
What I do not understand is good looking guys walking around, not talking to anybody but other blokes, and finally complaining they get no action. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It took me a couple of years to be braver in clubs and I go with hubbie!
I smile and make eye contact and if we then get talking I will start flirting. If he flirts back I will gently stroke his thigh and if he responds then I ask if he would like to join us!?
Xx |
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"Lets see. Ways women have let me know they were interested in a club. 1 and 2 being the most common, others one offs:
1)Sat next to me in the hot tub and said Hi, then put a hand on my knee. If it's not brushed away and chatting commences, the hands tend to wander.
2)Look at me and deliberately smile. Then I'll try and engineer a reason to be nearby and if you let me join in any conversation happening. I'll figure things are on if you keep talking and don't move away/cut me out.
3)Lady at the bar telling the bar staff loudly she'd like someone to suck off while her tea cooled down. Subtle that one.
4)Lying on the round bed in Chams with her legs spread as far apart as you can, saying "come on guys".
5)Lady walking past saying "hey I saw you last week, join in if you see me later."
But basically if you don't turn your back on me, or tell me it's not on in one way or another. I'll assume it's on and slowly get more and more "intimate" unless/until you stop me.
What I do not understand is good looking guys walking around, not talking to anybody but other blokes, and finally complaining they get no action."
Another interesting post, and thank you for sharing your positive experiences! Once more it becomes obvious that it's all down to WHO is in when you are
Single guys chat with other single guys because there's a kindred spirit of being by yourself in one of these places, and nobody else gravitating towards you. I spent two hours in one particular club, where nobody spoke to me at all, even though I tried to place myself at various parts in the building to be able to engage with others. A chat with another single guy about anything would have been better than feeling like an outcast, and needless to say, I won't be going there again |
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work."
Subtlety doesn’t work. Go up and smile and say “hello, you look good”. |
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By *osmicsMan
over a year ago
West Yorkshire |
I’ve spoken to a few couples and single ladies in clubs but never managed to take it further. However, I have been asked directly by women on quite a few occasions. It seems forward women are not as rare as one might believe. They certainly showed more courage compared to me! |
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Firstly I'll echo what others have said and thank the OP for a very good thread.
As I said in the earlier posts Mrs H can be quite shy when it comes to making the first move with a guy, but that isn't the end of the problem.
Even when we (or she) have got chatting to a guy she very rarely makes the first move for sex.
Once she gets talking she can't bloody well stop. She really can talk a glass eye to sleep, in 3 languages. The only thing I know is that if she hasn't moved away from the guy within about 5 minutes then she is interested. If after around 15 minutes he hasn't asked her then I will say something like "we are going for a look upstairs (or downstairs depending on the club) would you like to join us?" It usually does the trick.
On the up side there are quite a few guys she has fucked that she wouldn't usually look twice at, but they have had the personality and social skills to make it happen. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some interesting comments here! Seems the general consensus is to be less subtle, which is difficult for me as it's against my nature, but will give it a try. |
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"Some interesting comments here! Seems the general consensus is to be less subtle, which is difficult for me as it's against my nature, but will give it a try."
I don’t think it’s anything to do with subtlety, but not always expecting the guys to make the first move would be a better option. We’re as nervous as everyone else, and as I’ve said elsewhere; the longer I’m avoided/ignored, the greater the urge to leave overcomes the desire to stay |
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work."
Approach the guy sideways like a crab while clicking your hands open and shut like claws.
Do a fancy mating dance in front of him before leaving sideways.
If he follows you've pulled |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some interesting comments here! Seems the general consensus is to be less subtle, which is difficult for me as it's against my nature, but will give it a try.
I don’t think it’s anything to do with subtlety, but not always expecting the guys to make the first move would be a better option. We’re as nervous as everyone else, and as I’ve said elsewhere; the longer I’m avoided/ignored, the greater the urge to leave overcomes the desire to stay "
Same here. Not that I'm particularly nervous, but, obviously wrongly, I expected to be approached by men more often and assumed that if they weren't doing that then they didn't find me attractive. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work.
Approach the guy sideways like a crab while clicking your hands open and shut like claws.
Do a fancy mating dance in front of him before leaving sideways.
If he follows you've pulled"
Haha! If the guy dances, then easy. Best way of seduction is on the dancefloor. Haven't tried the "crab" move though! |
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work.
Approach the guy sideways like a crab while clicking your hands open and shut like claws.
Do a fancy mating dance in front of him before leaving sideways.
If he follows you've pulled
Haha! If the guy dances, then easy. Best way of seduction is on the dancefloor. Haven't tried the "crab" move though!"
Definitely give "the crab" a go it's a winner |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work.
Approach the guy sideways like a crab while clicking your hands open and shut like claws.
Do a fancy mating dance in front of him before leaving sideways.
If he follows you've pulled
Haha! If the guy dances, then easy. Best way of seduction is on the dancefloor. Haven't tried the "crab" move though!
Definitely give "the crab" a go it's a winner "
Actually it sounds like a variation of flamenco, so it could work! |
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work.
Approach the guy sideways like a crab while clicking your hands open and shut like claws.
Do a fancy mating dance in front of him before leaving sideways.
If he follows you've pulled
Haha! If the guy dances, then easy. Best way of seduction is on the dancefloor. Haven't tried the "crab" move though!
Definitely give "the crab" a go it's a winner
Actually it sounds like a variation of flamenco, so it could work!"
You've hit the nail on the head, that's exactly the look you're aiming for  |
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"Never been to a club so don't know the score really but is talking to people frowned upon? Seems to be the obvious solution to me. "
Lmao! It really is that simple mate, in theory My advice to you though, would be to hold off on your first club visit until you either have a lady to accompany you, or you know a guy who is a regular in the place you’ve chosen, and he can introduce you to others in there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never been to a club so don't know the score really but is talking to people frowned upon? Seems to be the obvious solution to me.
Lmao! It really is that simple mate, in theory My advice to you though, would be to hold off on your first club visit until you either have a lady to accompany you, or you know a guy who is a regular in the place you’ve chosen, and he can introduce you to others in there "
I never said I was going. I just commented on the OPs question but thanks for your advice. |
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"Never been to a club so don't know the score really but is talking to people frowned upon? Seems to be the obvious solution to me.
Lmao! It really is that simple mate, in theory My advice to you though, would be to hold off on your first club visit until you either have a lady to accompany you, or you know a guy who is a regular in the place you’ve chosen, and he can introduce you to others in there
I never said I was going. I just commented on the OPs question but thanks for your advice. "
No worries at all fella |
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"Some interesting comments here! Seems the general consensus is to be less subtle, which is difficult for me as it's against my nature, but will give it a try.
I don’t think it’s anything to do with subtlety, but not always expecting the guys to make the first move would be a better option. We’re as nervous as everyone else, and as I’ve said elsewhere; the longer I’m avoided/ignored, the greater the urge to leave overcomes the desire to stay
Same here. Not that I'm particularly nervous, but, obviously wrongly, I expected to be approached by men more often and assumed that if they weren't doing that then they didn't find me attractive."
This does my head in with women
The nature of the beast is that if a man approaches a woman in a club there is a high chance he will be rejected. If a woman approaches a man there is a very small chance she will be rejected, yet men are supposed to just suck up the rejection.
I say reject sexist stereotypes. If you fancy a man talk to him! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some interesting comments here! Seems the general consensus is to be less subtle, which is difficult for me as it's against my nature, but will give it a try.
I don’t think it’s anything to do with subtlety, but not always expecting the guys to make the first move would be a better option. We’re as nervous as everyone else, and as I’ve said elsewhere; the longer I’m avoided/ignored, the greater the urge to leave overcomes the desire to stay
Same here. Not that I'm particularly nervous, but, obviously wrongly, I expected to be approached by men more often and assumed that if they weren't doing that then they didn't find me attractive.
This does my head in with women
The nature of the beast is that if a man approaches a woman in a club there is a high chance he will be rejected. If a woman approaches a man there is a very small chance she will be rejected, yet men are supposed to just suck up the rejection.
I say reject sexist stereotypes. If you fancy a man talk to him! "
I think that's what I was trying to say but as a non club goer I was wondering what the issue in talking to people was. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just wanted to canvas opinion on the best way for a single woman to show a man in a club she's interested? I hate the direct approach, but often find subtlety doesn't work.
Doubt you would have to worry, will be plenty of men approaching you xxx
Actually you're wrong, men rarely approach me in clubs which is why I am asking for advice."
I can't believe you dont get approaches! Come to Chams and I will approach you (but not in a scary weirdo way!)
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"Some interesting comments here! Seems the general consensus is to be less subtle, which is difficult for me as it's against my nature, but will give it a try.
I don’t think it’s anything to do with subtlety, but not always expecting the guys to make the first move would be a better option. We’re as nervous as everyone else, and as I’ve said elsewhere; the longer I’m avoided/ignored, the greater the urge to leave overcomes the desire to stay
Same here. Not that I'm particularly nervous, but, obviously wrongly, I expected to be approached by men more often and assumed that if they weren't doing that then they didn't find me attractive.
This does my head in with women
The nature of the beast is that if a man approaches a woman in a club there is a high chance he will be rejected. If a woman approaches a man there is a very small chance she will be rejected, yet men are supposed to just suck up the rejection.
I say reject sexist stereotypes. If you fancy a man talk to him!
I think that's what I was trying to say but as a non club goer I was wondering what the issue in talking to people was. "
The issue is social conditioning. Men are supposed to be active in these situations and women passive. Bollocks to that I Say. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Let's be clear, I am sociable and able to approach strangers, men or women, without any issue. It's the best way of making my interest known to a man that I am trying to discover. Of course, either sex can be rejected, and it's not pleasant, but if someone doesn't make a move, then nothing happens (or the object of one's desire goes off with someone else)! |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"i don't see why the men are suppose to be the really forward ones and the women are...
if you like someone.... be the hunter!!!
I am traditional and not comfortable in a predatory role, and frankly why should I encourage men to be lazier than they (often) already are? Believe me, I am not shy and find it easy to chat to and approach strangers but my ideal is a situation when both genders make an equal effort.
Thinking that it is the men being lazy is the problem. Read other replies here to see why.
The same night in a club, I acknowledged a couple and was given the eyes averted treatment. I was just coming back from the loo. I didn't think anything about it. A few hours later I was sat in the bar area with the lady who was accompanying me for the evening. The same couple from earlier walked passed and where all smiles and the bloke nodded to me. Go figure.
Or maybe it's just a case of people being there for different reasons?
The reasons changed between them seeing me as a sibgle guy and seeing me as a couple?
Yes, and perhaps their aim that evening was to hook up with another couple "
Well that proves my point. I only acknowledged them. Made no move as such. They didn't want to risk giving me as a single chap any encouragement i guess. And that is a reason why I would welcome a direct approach from anyone to avoid any confusion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive found the best way is post on here in advance that you're going and want to meet single guys. Get chatting online then its much easier once you're there to meet up. I always did this with couples when I was going on my own to clubs. Would then get to play several times and feel comfortable knowing I was meeting people I'd previously become acquainted with. Now as a regular its much easier and more fun. I just walk round with a big smile and when I catch peoples eye its with a knowing grim that we're all naughty dirt bags |
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"Ive found the best way is post on here in advance that you're going and want to meet single guys. Get chatting online then its much easier once you're there to meet up. I always did this with couples when I was going on my own to clubs. Would then get to play several times and feel comfortable knowing I was meeting people I'd previously become acquainted with. Now as a regular its much easier and more fun. I just walk round with a big smile and when I catch peoples eye its with a knowing grim that we're all naughty dirt bags "
Spot on, this is pretty much what we do. First couple of times we went to clubs we were too wary and just stood back, played with each other but didn’t really engage, then we started to arrange to meet, sometimes we played with them, sometimes not but we felt more open and our body language meant we ended up talking to others as well.
We have often thought about going seperately to see how it would work as singles, it is different for couples. As many have said, just saying hi is a really good start - we have never been rude to people that come and say hi, and we have also said hello to people - sometimes successfully!  |
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"Ive found the best way is post on here in advance that you're going and want to meet single guys. Get chatting online then its much easier once you're there to meet up. I always did this with couples when I was going on my own to clubs. Would then get to play several times and feel comfortable knowing I was meeting people I'd previously become acquainted with. Now as a regular its much easier and more fun. I just walk round with a big smile and when I catch peoples eye its with a knowing grim that we're all naughty dirt bags
Spot on, this is pretty much what we do. First couple of times we went to clubs we were too wary and just stood back, played with each other but didn’t really engage, then we started to arrange to meet, sometimes we played with them, sometimes not but we felt more open and our body language meant we ended up talking to others as well.
We have often thought about going seperately to see how it would work as singles, it is different for couples. As many have said, just saying hi is a really good start - we have never been rude to people that come and say hi, and we have also said hello to people - sometimes successfully! "
I would love to hear how this experiment worked out for you both! If you do go through with it, you would have to visit a club you haven’t been to previously though, so you would be unlikely to bump into someone you already know. And of course, as you are an actual couple, you can ‘average out’ the price differentials between you |
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