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Dominance/Submission
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"A really interesting writting about this subject. There is another side in refards to social media and the ability to hide your true self online its easy for users and abusers to maskerade as something they are not. See i think it comes down simply to the difference between Dominant and Domineering behaviour. Lets start with the definition of domineering: Assert one’s will over another in an arrogant way or inclined to exercise arbitrary and overbearing control over others. This means that a domineering person will often use some kind of threat to assert there will. Therefore, people do what they want to avoid some kind of a bad outcome. They have a arrogant manner to them. They dont learn and feel that there way is the right way. Now if you look at a dominant person, they inspire people to do what they ask. They want to do it to please them. They tend to be well liked and know and respected in the local comminity. They act with confidence of who they are and their knowledge. Those around them will often go above and beyond for them and they will be respected for it. Straight away we can see the differences between these two styles if you like. I think one of the problems is the terms dominant and domineering have been almost bundled together in the vanilla world and as such so many people now see dominant people as domineering those around them. And as such Dominance can be seen as abusive, controlling. And within the scene people mistake domineering individuals as Dominant whete really you can not get further from the truth. So how do we spot those who are domineering and as such dangerous. Simply put if we look back at the definition of Domineering one word stands out Arrogant. With this in mind could we not say Domineering = A arrogant person. Dominant. = A Confident Person So taking this account what so we know about and Arrogant Person 1. Gets defensive when challenged. We have all seen them they know they are right always and if you disagree they can angry, fight and bully. They will often simple start throwing fists. 2. Childish If you challenge them they will sulk, throw a tantrum, storm off, throw insults and communicate in a petty manner. 3. Aggressive An aggressive person often goes into a situation looking for a fight. They will be intimidating and will bully those seen as less or weaker. 4. Threatens This one is interesting to observe. The arrogant person will get loud and make various threats, when confronted with resistence to his needs. In contast a Confident Person 1. Has nothing to prove. They know without question, who they are. They so not have to demand attention. They are slow to anger but they will however, if the situation warrants, make it very clear through his eye contact and body language that he will ifneeded take action. 2. Child-like. Feels at ease is child-like ways often will come out around those he loves, a playful and teasing nature, there is a mirth one sees in their eyes is genuine and infective. 3. Resolute They will calmly stand there ground, will defend thise he loves when needed. Feels safe standing up for their moral code and views without putting others down for theirs. 4. Messes with their minds They have the ability to play with someone’s head. Often, the person on the receiving end won’t quite know for certain what happened and if it was derogatory, funny, witty, etc. But will not do it out of malice or spite So in conclussion watch out for arrogance unless you want a domineering partner. If on the offer hand you want a true Dominant look for a natural confidence." Well put whichever one of you wrote that 
I'd say from reading that.. I've seen myself acting in both ways.. though definately not so much the Domineering bit any more, if I ever truly was.. if I was, then I'll admit it came from fear and lack of real confidence.
When I saw your description of Dominant though.. I was like "That's me!" I'm caring, I'm very playful, I stand my ground, I like seeing if I can lead a mind, but ease off the second I realise I can.. because I care.
Where did you learn your descriptions/definitions? The 1234 points? | |||
"A submissive needs to have self-confidence too. Otherwise he/she is just a doormat. Mrs" Yes.. I tried to elude to that too.. the confidence to trust and to say no. | |||
"I think you have a very healthy outlook on life and all the other subjects you brought up in your post. So many get this disappointingly wrong. Like you say there are huge differences in what should be dominance and what is alpha male or ego. Some read up on the subject and then in an aim to impress, list every facet of this lifestyle but then unintentionally scare people off. I am learning myself the difference between these types and am now starting to recognise who is confidently masterful, and who is full of bullshit. It's a long slog but worth it when you find a diamond in the rough "I'm probably full of bullshit Don't believe a word I say  | |||
"A really interesting writting about this subject. There is another side in refards to social media and the ability to hide your true self online its easy for users and abusers to maskerade as something they are not. See i think it comes down simply to the difference between Dominant and Domineering behaviour. Lets start with the definition of domineering: Assert one’s will over another in an arrogant way or inclined to exercise arbitrary and overbearing control over others. This means that a domineering person will often use some kind of threat to assert there will. Therefore, people do what they want to avoid some kind of a bad outcome. They have a arrogant manner to them. They dont learn and feel that there way is the right way. Now if you look at a dominant person, they inspire people to do what they ask. They want to do it to please them. They tend to be well liked and know and respected in the local comminity. They act with confidence of who they are and their knowledge. Those around them will often go above and beyond for them and they will be respected for it. Straight away we can see the differences between these two styles if you like. I think one of the problems is the terms dominant and domineering have been almost bundled together in the vanilla world and as such so many people now see dominant people as domineering those around them. And as such Dominance can be seen as abusive, controlling. And within the scene people mistake domineering individuals as Dominant whete really you can not get further from the truth. So how do we spot those who are domineering and as such dangerous. Simply put if we look back at the definition of Domineering one word stands out Arrogant. With this in mind could we not say Domineering = A arrogant person. Dominant. = A Confident Person So taking this account what so we know about and Arrogant Person 1. Gets defensive when challenged. We have all seen them they know they are right always and if you disagree they can angry, fight and bully. They will often simple start throwing fists. 2. Childish If you challenge them they will sulk, throw a tantrum, storm off, throw insults and communicate in a petty manner. 3. Aggressive An aggressive person often goes into a situation looking for a fight. They will be intimidating and will bully those seen as less or weaker. 4. Threatens This one is interesting to observe. The arrogant person will get loud and make various threats, when confronted with resistence to his needs. In contast a Confident Person 1. Has nothing to prove. They know without question, who they are. They so not have to demand attention. They are slow to anger but they will however, if the situation warrants, make it very clear through his eye contact and body language that he will ifneeded take action. 2. Child-like. Feels at ease is child-like ways often will come out around those he loves, a playful and teasing nature, there is a mirth one sees in their eyes is genuine and infective. 3. Resolute They will calmly stand there ground, will defend thise he loves when needed. Feels safe standing up for their moral code and views without putting others down for theirs. 4. Messes with their minds They have the ability to play with someone’s head. Often, the person on the receiving end won’t quite know for certain what happened and if it was derogatory, funny, witty, etc. But will not do it out of malice or spite So in conclussion watch out for arrogance unless you want a domineering partner. If on the offer hand you want a true Dominant look for a natural confidence. Well put whichever one of you wrote that
I'd say from reading that.. I've seen myself acting in both ways.. though definately not so much the Domineering bit any more, if I ever truly was.. if I was, then I'll admit it came from fear and lack of real confidence.
When I saw your description of Dominant though.. I was like "That's me!" I'm caring, I'm very playful, I stand my ground, I like seeing if I can lead a mind, but ease off the second I realise I can.. because I care.
Where did you learn your descriptions/definitions? The 1234 points?"MT here and thank you. I was in the bdsm lifestyle for many many years before coming into swinging. The above is things i have learnt and been taught etc. | |||
"A submissive needs to have self-confidence too. Otherwise he/she is just a doormat. Mrs Yes.. I tried to elude to that too.. the confidence to trust and to say no." Though a Sub tends to watch and wait to be engaged and less pro-active perhaps? I think their are lot of Dominant subs.. I believe the term is "Bratty" | |||
" Where did you learn your descriptions/definitions? The 1234 points? MT here and thank you. I was in the bdsm lifestyle for many many years before coming into swinging. The above is things i have learnt and been taught etc. " Ahhh so a voice of experience to back up my mad ramblings. Thank you MT. Thats a relief. | |||
"A submissive needs to have self-confidence too. Otherwise he/she is just a doormat. Mrs Yes.. I tried to elude to that too.. the confidence to trust and to say no. Though a Sub tends to watch and wait to be engaged and less pro-active perhaps? I think their are lot of Dominant subs.. I believe the term is "Bratty" "Ahhhh brats lol for those that dont know a brat is usually applied to a person of a submissive nature who acts up or causes trouble in order to attract attention. Bratty behaviour can be frowned upon but for me its great. Also dont confuse brats with rude people they are different You see I need the challenge and a bratty sub pushes me, keeps my mind active but more than that gives me an enjoyment that just playing does not bring me. Now I have played with people who are not bratty and it was fun, but something just clicks in my mind when im faced with a brat, how I am going to bring her into line, understanding why she is playing up,does her behaviour warrant a punishment, if so what sort. See dealing with a bratty sub is not always easy, I have learned that when a brat begins to act out, they are wanting/needing attention. They may act out in a playful manner but they are acting out non-the-less. The real reasons i love brats is they are strong minded people,they make me smile, they push me and offer a challenge, they are cheeky and fun loving but most of all they fascinate my mind. So I say if you have never played with a Brat your missing out | |||
" Where did you learn your descriptions/definitions? The 1234 points? MT here and thank you. I was in the bdsm lifestyle for many many years before coming into swinging. The above is things i have learnt and been taught etc. Ahhh so a voice of experience to back up my mad ramblings. Thank you MT. Thats a relief." Not ramblings wise words. I have seen many people come into the lifestyle with little understanding of what you have figured out in life. | |||
"A submissive needs to have self-confidence too. Otherwise he/she is just a doormat. Mrs Yes.. I tried to elude to that too.. the confidence to trust and to say no. Though a Sub tends to watch and wait to be engaged and less pro-active perhaps? I think their are lot of Dominant subs.. I believe the term is "Bratty"
Ahhhh brats lol for those that dont know a brat is usually applied to a person of a submissive nature who acts up or causes trouble in order to attract attention.
Bratty behaviour can be frowned upon but for me its great. Also dont confuse brats with rude people they are different
You see I need the challenge and a bratty sub pushes me, keeps my mind active but more than that gives me an enjoyment that just playing does not bring me.
Now I have played with people who are not bratty and it was fun, but something just clicks in my mind when im faced with a brat, how I am going to bring her into line, understanding why she is playing up,does her behaviour warrant a punishment, if so what sort.
See dealing with a bratty sub is not always easy, I have learned that when a brat begins to act out, they are wanting/needing attention. They may act out in a playful manner but they are acting out non-the-less.
The real reasons i love brats is they are strong minded people,they make me smile, they push me and offer a challenge, they are cheeky and fun loving but most of all they fascinate my mind.
So I say if you have never played with a Brat your missing out
"I have played with a "Brat". Highly intelligent, a very sharp, quick mind. I'm not one for too much drama though LOL. She wasn't dramatic but desired more attention than I have to give as a busy worker and father of two young un's. Incredibly good fun though and still friends. | |||
"A submissive needs to have self-confidence too. Otherwise he/she is just a doormat. Mrs Yes.. I tried to elude to that too.. the confidence to trust and to say no. Though a Sub tends to watch and wait to be engaged and less pro-active perhaps? I think their are lot of Dominant subs.. I believe the term is "Bratty"
Ahhhh brats lol for those that dont know a brat is usually applied to a person of a submissive nature who acts up or causes trouble in order to attract attention.
Bratty behaviour can be frowned upon but for me its great. Also dont confuse brats with rude people they are different
You see I need the challenge and a bratty sub pushes me, keeps my mind active but more than that gives me an enjoyment that just playing does not bring me.
Now I have played with people who are not bratty and it was fun, but something just clicks in my mind when im faced with a brat, how I am going to bring her into line, understanding why she is playing up,does her behaviour warrant a punishment, if so what sort.
See dealing with a bratty sub is not always easy, I have learned that when a brat begins to act out, they are wanting/needing attention. They may act out in a playful manner but they are acting out non-the-less.
The real reasons i love brats is they are strong minded people,they make me smile, they push me and offer a challenge, they are cheeky and fun loving but most of all they fascinate my mind.
So I say if you have never played with a Brat your missing out
I have played with a "Brat". Highly intelligent, a very sharp, quick mind. I'm not one for too much drama though LOL. She wasn't dramatic but desired more attention than I have to give as a busy worker and father of two young un's. Incredibly good fun though and still friends."Yes they can be very time consuming lol i seem to attract brats lol not sure what that says about me lol  | |||
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"When I've met or spoken to people who call themselves a Dom they have wanted to inflict pain, order me around or shove large things inside me. They get off on the power; possibly because they are weak and trying to gain some control. I have a dominant partner who tells me he adores me; treats me with respect and is very attuned to my needs. I feel safe with him and excited at the prospect of what he will do. He isn't trying his best to control me, he doesn't have to. " Thats the difference between someone who is domineering and a Dom. Yes some doms will do impact and pain play but thats set down in the boundries set with the sub. A masochist wants that style of play from their dom. To try and firce that play on someone is not being a dom its being a bully | |||
"I get the impression that people play up to their sub/Dom roles. It's like play acting. " If you spend time in the bdsm scene you will see differences. There are those that roleplay the fantasy but there are those that live it as a lifestyle and its a way of life 24/7. Both are decided by both parties within the dynamic | |||
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"I get the impression that people play up to their sub/Dom roles. It's like play acting. If you spend time in the bdsm scene you will see differences. There are those that roleplay the fantasy but there are those that live it as a lifestyle and its a way of life 24/7. Both are decided by both parties within the dynamic" Hmmmm in response to you and Brains comments. I'd say some are play acting, some are learning, some of us - like myself, switch between the two and switch in and out of Sub and Dom behaviour dependant on mood, who we are with and just for a change. My own interests are broad and wide ranging. I dint have any specific kinks I chase. For me it's about physical and mental attraction. I need to find someone who meets my minimum physical attractions and then have to click on a mental level to even want to start things off properly. Once we have and i trust her to tell me honestly what she does and doesn't like. That their is a creative and exploratory side to her... then honestly... ANYTHING goes... within reason. | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. "I would say after seeing your bum pici am not surprised big butch blokes want to take you over their knee lol And the quiet part i understand. Subs i have played with always got worried when i went quiet it meant i had a dastadly plan in store for them pmsl | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. " Call me Daddy slutface | |||
"I get the impression that people play up to their sub/Dom roles. It's like play acting. If you spend time in the bdsm scene you will see differences. There are those that roleplay the fantasy but there are those that live it as a lifestyle and its a way of life 24/7. Both are decided by both parties within the dynamic Hmmmm in response to you and Brains comments. I'd say some are play acting, some are learning, some of us - like myself, switch between the two and switch in and out of Sub and Dom behaviour dependant on mood, who we are with and just for a change. My own interests are broad and wide ranging. I dint have any specific kinks I chase. For me it's about physical and mental attraction. I need to find someone who meets my minimum physical attractions and then have to click on a mental level to even want to start things off properly. Once we have and i trust her to tell me honestly what she does and doesn't like. That their is a creative and exploratory side to her... then honestly... ANYTHING goes... within reason. " And thats how it should be. Like anything you find the way that best suits you and who you are playing with. | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away.
I would say after seeing your bum pici am not surprised big butch blokes want to take you over their knee lol
And the quiet part i understand. Subs i have played with always got worried when i went quiet it meant i had a dastadly plan in store for them pmsl"  | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away.
I would say after seeing your bum pici am not surprised big butch blokes want to take you over their knee lol
And the quiet part i understand. Subs i have played with always got worried when i went quiet it meant i had a dastadly plan in store for them pmsl
" | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. Call me Daddy slutface "I can feel my knicker elastic tightning up already. There'll be no way in  | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. Call me Daddy slutface
I can feel my knicker elastic tightning up already. There'll be no way in "I could feel my own tightening when I said it Doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.. unless it's followed by howls of laughter | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. Call me Daddy slutface
I can feel my knicker elastic tightning up already. There'll be no way in
I could feel my own tightening when I said it Doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.. unless it's followed by howls of laughter" how about we try it the other way round. You can be kneeling and I'll pull at the tie round your neck whilst growling it at you.
(Would still be accompanied by howls of laughter )  | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. Call me Daddy slutface
I can feel my knicker elastic tightning up already. There'll be no way in
I could feel my own tightening when I said it Doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.. unless it's followed by howls of laughter
how about we try it the other way round. You can be kneeling and I'll pull at the tie round your neck whilst growling it at you.
(Would still be accompanied by howls of laughter ) "I'd have drawn the line at putting the tie on! I've got quite a thick neck so I could probably handle the pulling if I had to... but the second you started growling at me it's going one of two ways... I'd crumple into hysterics asking you WTF you're playing at (possibly concerned you're turning into a werewolf)... Or.. find it strangely arousing, if it were genuine.. I like a womanly grrrrowl. | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. Call me Daddy slutface
I can feel my knicker elastic tightning up already. There'll be no way in
I could feel my own tightening when I said it Doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.. unless it's followed by howls of laughter
how about we try it the other way round. You can be kneeling and I'll pull at the tie round your neck whilst growling it at you.
(Would still be accompanied by howls of laughter )
I'd have drawn the line at putting the tie on! I've got quite a thick neck so I could probably handle the pulling if I had to... but the second you started growling at me it's going one of two ways... I'd crumple into hysterics asking you WTF you're playing at (possibly concerned you're turning into a werewolf)... Or.. find it strangely arousing, if it were genuine.. I like a womanly grrrrowl. "It's ok, I'll be able to heave at your thick neck with my big hairy werewolf hands. Should I wear gloves | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. Call me Daddy slutface
I can feel my knicker elastic tightning up already. There'll be no way in
I could feel my own tightening when I said it Doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.. unless it's followed by howls of laughter
how about we try it the other way round. You can be kneeling and I'll pull at the tie round your neck whilst growling it at you.
(Would still be accompanied by howls of laughter )
I'd have drawn the line at putting the tie on! I've got quite a thick neck so I could probably handle the pulling if I had to... but the second you started growling at me it's going one of two ways... I'd crumple into hysterics asking you WTF you're playing at (possibly concerned you're turning into a werewolf)... Or.. find it strangely arousing, if it were genuine.. I like a womanly grrrrowl. "Joking aside.. I wouldn't put myself in a situation I couldn't get out of. I can switch it about, but I'm not really submissive in any way. I play act. I wouldnt let you handcuff me to something metal or hard wood.. but a soft wood headboard.. yes... because i know i can break the headboard and overpower you... if i had to, to protect myself. I don't do blindfolds either.. not unless I know the person very very well. | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. Call me Daddy slutface
I can feel my knicker elastic tightning up already. There'll be no way in
I could feel my own tightening when I said it Doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.. unless it's followed by howls of laughter
how about we try it the other way round. You can be kneeling and I'll pull at the tie round your neck whilst growling it at you.
(Would still be accompanied by howls of laughter )
I'd have drawn the line at putting the tie on! I've got quite a thick neck so I could probably handle the pulling if I had to... but the second you started growling at me it's going one of two ways... I'd crumple into hysterics asking you WTF you're playing at (possibly concerned you're turning into a werewolf)... Or.. find it strangely arousing, if it were genuine.. I like a womanly grrrrowl.
It's ok, I'll be able to heave at your thick neck with my big hairy werewolf hands. Should I wear gloves "Only if you plan on "Booping" Me Don't want your clawed hairy digits tearing up my virgin botty. | |||
"I find its the quiet, self assured gentlemanly types you need to watch. Not the big butch bloke that wants to bend you over his knee straight away. Call me Daddy slutface
I can feel my knicker elastic tightning up already. There'll be no way in
I could feel my own tightening when I said it Doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.. unless it's followed by howls of laughter
how about we try it the other way round. You can be kneeling and I'll pull at the tie round your neck whilst growling it at you.
(Would still be accompanied by howls of laughter )
I'd have drawn the line at putting the tie on! I've got quite a thick neck so I could probably handle the pulling if I had to... but the second you started growling at me it's going one of two ways... I'd crumple into hysterics asking you WTF you're playing at (possibly concerned you're turning into a werewolf)... Or.. find it strangely arousing, if it were genuine.. I like a womanly grrrrowl.
It's ok, I'll be able to heave at your thick neck with my big hairy werewolf hands. Should I wear gloves
Only if you plan on "Booping" Me Don't want your clawed hairy digits tearing up my virgin botty. " | |||
