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"Today's BDSM fail. Sub screaming delightfully as i fucked her. Turns out she had cramp in her foot. " I can relate | |||
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"Today's BDSM fail. Sub screaming delightfully as i fucked her. Turns out she had cramp in her foot. I can relate " Know the feeling. One of my stock negotiation questions covers body issues, joints, injuries etc. Along with do you like rope? Cuffs? Chain? Floggers? Canes? Leather? Thuddy or stingy?...... | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. " I know someone who could answer this for you | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. " I don't really "train" anyone. A new career perhaps. Create an NVQ in BDSM with modules in each of the acronym areas and specialist options! If I'm playing with someone new to BDSM because I'm attracted to them, I explore if they are happy to share knowledge and skills. There's usually something for both sides to learn. I played with someone once who was new to BDSM but was great with rope and knots due to an entirely vanilla occupation. | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. " I think training isn't the word I'd use. As a dominant you don't train a submissive to do what you want. You learn what makes the submissive tick and how best to use that for her enjoyment and yours. | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. " From my own experience it was to put to everything that I had done to one side. Now this may sound strange to many people but for me it was important for me to be lead in the beginning. I wanted my novice sub to experience things on her terms so she wouldnt be scared. Although I had some experience the trust needed to be built and as the trust built the walls started to come down. Communication and patience were key. As her Dom her wellbeing was the only thing that was important to me rather than any physical act or kink. My thought process behind it all was to make it as enjoyable as possible because if she enjoyed herself things would naturally grow. This is what I believe worked for us. If I had to give a simple piece of advice, it would be to respect the individual no matter what you have done and how much you know every person is unique and that is what should be treasured | |||
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" From my own experience it was to put to everything that I had ...... " I couldn’t agree more; allowing the novice to find themselves and learn through experience, starting from basic’s and growing naturally. The focus on wellbeing and welfare is also so important. I guess my use of the word “train” may not have been the best choice. | |||
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" From my own experience it was to put to everything that I had ...... I couldn’t agree more; allowing the novice to find themselves and learn through experience, starting from basic’s and growing naturally. The focus on wellbeing and welfare is also so important. I guess my use of the word “train” may not have been the best choice. " I don't know. I quite liked being 'trained'. I saw him as someone who could bring experiences I'd never had before. This did feel like some kind of training - although it was at my own pace with total control of how much I could take. I'm very lucky to have my lover and my dom all rolled into one. It didn't start out that way but we soon realised how compatible we were as a couple | |||
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"To me it’s a two way training at a D/s dynamic, you constant observe and learn from your subs needs, as she learns from your lead. It’s fliud, you push, they respond. What you learn from the response dictates where you take the learning next. To me that is why the sub has a control over the play. P" The sub only has control if the Dom stops when safewords are used | |||
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"To me it’s a two way training at a D/s dynamic, you constant observe and learn from your subs needs, as she learns from your lead. It’s fliud, you push, they respond. What you learn from the response dictates where you take the learning next. To me that is why the sub has a control over the play. P The sub only has control if the Dom stops when safewords are used " Of course it does, that is why clear communication is essential. | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. " I'm of the opinion that people don't need 'training'. You enjoy mesh together or you don't. Chemistry is there or it isn't. Some activities you might need a bit of a 'how to', but I wouldn't say that it requires training. | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. " However you want to word it introducing people to the scene and talking to others about it is something I very much enjoy and could probably be described as one of my kinks when regarding submissives. There is somethi g about helping somebody discover themselves that ticks a box for me Always happy to speak to other Dom/mes too. You never know what you may learn even with people new the scene. | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. However you want to word it introducing people to the scene and talking to others about it is something I very much enjoy and could probably be described as one of my kinks when regarding submissives. There is somethi g about helping somebody discover themselves that ticks a box for me Always happy to speak to other Dom/mes too. You never know what you may learn even with people new the scene." | |||
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"Quiet in here today " I think some people got forum bans for part of the discussion yesterday. | |||
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" The rules do seem to be getting tighter of late. " The rules are the same as they have been since Admin set up the forum rules | |||
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"I would luv to become a sub . Always wanted to try it out . " I love it xx never looked back x | |||
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"I would luv to become a sub . Always wanted to try it out . " Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say. Be warned though, you might never again return to how you are | |||
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"I was wondering what are people's favourite fetish clubs and or events?" Fairly new to it and been more of an observer than partaker. But attended a rope event which had freakers ball after it. I had no idea what it was or what to expect, but that was an experience in itself. Certainly opened my eyes | |||
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"I was wondering what are people's favourite fetish clubs and or events?" Some of the private parties hosted at The Facility are good fun. Those are the best events IMO. | |||
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"I’m keen to explore more in this area. I love the power exchange dynamic and pushing boundaries. Still lots to learn. Finding a kinky regular play partner is high on the priority list. Particularly enjoy controlling her orgasm while shes tied. Edging and not letting her cum for ages until she’s begging to be allowed to cum. Soo hot. " | |||
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"I am interested in trying new places but here are some that I have liked and like. I used to love Club Subversion at Crystals not only for being sociable but also as a non sexual play event as it had a very large dungeon area. Music was good too. I hear it may be starting up again. Subversion Noir at the Hoist was wonderfully sleazy like a German BDSM club of the darkest imagination and had a sex licence. It was only spoiled by too many of the zombie wanking squad appearing if hetero sex occurred. The club was full of industrial style nooks and crannies and fully inclusive of genders, sexuality and interests. I also liked Antichrist at Metalworkz as it was sociable and clubby and had a small but functional dungeon. When Metalworkz moved to Heat it lost something as it did not have a large indoor meeting place and Heat also allowed in tourists early in the morning. Twisted (VA) and Dark Cargo (Liberty Elite) I found good and chilled some good riggers at Twisted and fun kinksters at Dark Cargo. Both well run but unfortunately too far from Surrey. I also liked HDZ at Abfabs, people doing good things there and providing education. Having done a tour up to Townhouse I loved their facilities. I also have a soft spot for the Facility in Birmingham as I like dungeons that look like dungeons! LAM and BBB after parties are gentle entries into the non sexual fetish club world, and it only took me 2 years to discover LAM has a rope room! " A fantastic post and a brilliant idea to share feedback for play spaces. I have always used private play space so I will have to go to a few of these. Thanks for sharing Ozzz | |||
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"I am interested in trying new places but here are some that I have liked and like. I used to love Club Subversion at Crystals not only for being sociable but also as a non sexual play event as it had a very large dungeon area. Music was good too. I hear it may be starting up again. Subversion Noir at the Hoist was wonderfully sleazy like a German BDSM club of the darkest imagination and had a sex licence. It was only spoiled by too many of the zombie wanking squad appearing if hetero sex occurred. The club was full of industrial style nooks and crannies and fully inclusive of genders, sexuality and interests. I also liked Antichrist at Metalworkz as it was sociable and clubby and had a small but functional dungeon. When Metalworkz moved to Heat it lost something as it did not have a large indoor meeting place and Heat also allowed in tourists early in the morning. Twisted (VA) and Dark Cargo (Liberty Elite) I found good and chilled some good riggers at Twisted and fun kinksters at Dark Cargo. Both well run but unfortunately too far from Surrey. I also liked HDZ at Abfabs, people doing good things there and providing education. Having done a tour up to Townhouse I loved their facilities. I also have a soft spot for the Facility in Birmingham as I like dungeons that look like dungeons! LAM and BBB after parties are gentle entries into the non sexual fetish club world, and it only took me 2 years to discover LAM has a rope room! A fantastic post and a brilliant idea to share feedback for play spaces. I have always used private play space so I will have to go to a few of these. Thanks for sharing Ozzz" No problem I think play space comments would be a good contribution. As a single man I like to offer the opportunity to play privately or for the sub's protection in a public venue. My favourite place was Kestrels, it has a great dungeon plenty of equipment and places to use for rope for partial suspensions and the beds are good for groundwork. There is also space to swing a small whip or a dragon tail in some of the rooms. You can close the door on a room if you want privacy. I found Sunday afternoons in the Winter/Autumn and most Tuesday evenings quiet enough not to be disturbed. Then there are facilities for aftercare if required. What are other people's favourite away from home play spaces? | |||
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"I am interested in trying new places but here are some that I have liked and like. I used to love Club Subversion at Crystals not only for being sociable but also as a non sexual play event as it had a very large dungeon area. Music was good too. I hear it may be starting up again. Subversion Noir at the Hoist was wonderfully sleazy like a German BDSM club of the darkest imagination and had a sex licence. It was only spoiled by too many of the zombie wanking squad appearing if hetero sex occurred. The club was full of industrial style nooks and crannies and fully inclusive of genders, sexuality and interests. I also liked Antichrist at Metalworkz as it was sociable and clubby and had a small but functional dungeon. When Metalworkz moved to Heat it lost something as it did not have a large indoor meeting place and Heat also allowed in tourists early in the morning. Twisted (VA) and Dark Cargo (Liberty Elite) I found good and chilled some good riggers at Twisted and fun kinksters at Dark Cargo. Both well run but unfortunately too far from Surrey. I also liked HDZ at Abfabs, people doing good things there and providing education. Having done a tour up to Townhouse I loved their facilities. I also have a soft spot for the Facility in Birmingham as I like dungeons that look like dungeons! LAM and BBB after parties are gentle entries into the non sexual fetish club world, and it only took me 2 years to discover LAM has a rope room! A fantastic post and a brilliant idea to share feedback for play spaces. I have always used private play space so I will have to go to a few of these. Thanks for sharing Ozzz No problem I think play space comments would be a good contribution. As a single man I like to offer the opportunity to play privately or for the sub's protection in a public venue. My favourite place was Kestrels, it has a great dungeon plenty of equipment and places to use for rope for partial suspensions and the beds are good for groundwork. There is also space to swing a small whip or a dragon tail in some of the rooms. You can close the door on a room if you want privacy. I found Sunday afternoons in the Winter/Autumn and most Tuesday evenings quiet enough not to be disturbed. Then there are facilities for aftercare if required. What are other people's favourite away from home play spaces? " Pandora’s in Leeds, not only has it a well equipped main dungeon, it also has a couple of more private fet rooms. | |||
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"I am interested in trying new places but here are some that I have liked and like. I used to love Club Subversion at Crystals not only for being sociable but also as a non sexual play event as it had a very large dungeon area. Music was good too. I hear it may be starting up again. Subversion Noir at the Hoist was wonderfully sleazy like a German BDSM club of the darkest imagination and had a sex licence. It was only spoiled by too many of the zombie wanking squad appearing if hetero sex occurred. The club was full of industrial style nooks and crannies and fully inclusive of genders, sexuality and interests. I also liked Antichrist at Metalworkz as it was sociable and clubby and had a small but functional dungeon. When Metalworkz moved to Heat it lost something as it did not have a large indoor meeting place and Heat also allowed in tourists early in the morning. Twisted (VA) and Dark Cargo (Liberty Elite) I found good and chilled some good riggers at Twisted and fun kinksters at Dark Cargo. Both well run but unfortunately too far from Surrey. I also liked HDZ at Abfabs, people doing good things there and providing education. Having done a tour up to Townhouse I loved their facilities. I also have a soft spot for the Facility in Birmingham as I like dungeons that look like dungeons! LAM and BBB after parties are gentle entries into the non sexual fetish club world, and it only took me 2 years to discover LAM has a rope room! A fantastic post and a brilliant idea to share feedback for play spaces. I have always used private play space so I will have to go to a few of these. Thanks for sharing Ozzz No problem I think play space comments would be a good contribution. As a single man I like to offer the opportunity to play privately or for the sub's protection in a public venue. My favourite place was Kestrels, it has a great dungeon plenty of equipment and places to use for rope for partial suspensions and the beds are good for groundwork. There is also space to swing a small whip or a dragon tail in some of the rooms. You can close the door on a room if you want privacy. I found Sunday afternoons in the Winter/Autumn and most Tuesday evenings quiet enough not to be disturbed. Then there are facilities for aftercare if required. What are other people's favourite away from home play spaces? Pandora’s in Leeds, not only has it a well equipped main dungeon, it also has a couple of more private fet rooms." Hello Kinksters. This is a great chat! Thanks all. Ozz our paths have briefly crossed at HDZ. Great post! I have also found Abfabs on a Tuesday a good venue but they won’t accommodate anything ‘extreme’ and have noticed HDZ developing a good scene over the year with every night really quite varied. | |||
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"Il be following this thread with interest x" Me too | |||
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"I love being submissive. Two things I want to try in 2018: 1. Be sub for a male/female couple 2. Try my hand at being a dom " I think it’s good to switch roles. You learn from doing both. As you’ve been sub you’ve already got an idea of what turns a sub on and how you like to be treated by the dominant. As you know, a lot of it is mindplay. | |||
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"I love being submissive. Two things I want to try in 2018: 1. Be sub for a male/female couple 2. Try my hand at being a dom I think it’s good to switch roles. You learn from doing both. As you’ve been sub you’ve already got an idea of what turns a sub on and how you like to be treated by the dominant. As you know, a lot of it is mindplay." Odd, o couldn’t switch, not in me. | |||
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"I love being submissive. Two things I want to try in 2018: 1. Be sub for a male/female couple 2. Try my hand at being a dom I think it’s good to switch roles. You learn from doing both. As you’ve been sub you’ve already got an idea of what turns a sub on and how you like to be treated by the dominant. As you know, a lot of it is mindplay. Odd, o couldn’t switch, not in me." I'm learning slowly. I've always known that part is in me occasionally, and I usually know when my more dominant side is around I'll always have a mostly submissive side but it can be fun when you're both in a dominant mood | |||
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"I was wondering what are people's favourite fetish clubs and or events?" Mine is currently HDZ | |||
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"I like to switch but mainly Dome. Fun finding out people boundary's and pushing it a little hehe" Bd Ds or Sm? | |||
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"Good evening " Back at you | |||
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"I like to switch but mainly Dome. Fun finding out people boundary's and pushing it a little hehe" Pity you aren't closer as the male half and given the opportunity you could certainly push my boundaries | |||
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"Eeek I need to tell you about my exciting plans for full suspension (possibly) and stapled ribbons in a shape of a heart next month" Full suapension is great. Not so much when they spin you around though | |||
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"Eeek I need to tell you about my exciting plans for full suspension (possibly) and stapled ribbons in a shape of a heart next month Full suapension is great. Not so much when they spin you around though " I completely trust her, she will not do anything I’m not comfortable with. | |||
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"Eeek I need to tell you about my exciting plans for full suspension (possibly) and stapled ribbons in a shape of a heart next month Full suapension is great. Not so much when they spin you around though I completely trust her, she will not do anything I’m not comfortable with. " I did too but it was my first. I didnt realise until after that spinning in suspension makes me nautious | |||
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"Eeek I need to tell you about my exciting plans for full suspension (possibly) and stapled ribbons in a shape of a heart next month Full suapension is great. Not so much when they spin you around though I completely trust her, she will not do anything I’m not comfortable with. I did too but it was my first. I didnt realise until after that spinning in suspension makes me nautious " Hehe, no spinning please! And yes I know you can’t reply Miss! | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx" Tickling? I hate tickling | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx" The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios " Yeah I know lol but I’m a pleaser and the Domme stuff it being learnt so it doesn’t come easy to do something someone doesn’t enjoy. If someone liked pain I could do it. Wierd I know. Funishment sounds good? | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx Tickling? I hate tickling" ooo yeah I’ll try I not sure he is but I’ll have a go xx | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios Yeah I know lol but I’m a pleaser and the Domme stuff it being learnt so it doesn’t come easy to do something someone doesn’t enjoy. If someone liked pain I could do it. Wierd I know. Funishment sounds good? " I would like to give some thoughts. To my mind being a dom/me involves doing what you want to do to the sub and those acts are specifically agreed to and desired by the sub. This is against a background of trust, respect and an absence of abuse. From my own point I would never do an act including punishment that has not been agreed. As pointed out already punishment should have a purpose, which generally is to correct behaviour. If punishment is to be applied it should be discussed at the beginning of the relationship as well as the circumstance in which it will be applied and also the expected contrition. However, as suggested above possibly punishment is the wrong word and what you are asking is advice on different ways of doing scenes. In which case it is not a question of doms/sub or top /bottom but two people working out kinky scenarios that engages them both. To that end I would suggest he should be helping you work out what he wants. Also you need to consider your enjoyment as you too should be having fun. Good luck | |||
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"I'm in xx" Anyone local to me? | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios Yeah I know lol but I’m a pleaser and the Domme stuff it being learnt so it doesn’t come easy to do something someone doesn’t enjoy. If someone liked pain I could do it. Wierd I know. Funishment sounds good? I would like to give some thoughts. To my mind being a dom/me involves doing what you want to do to the sub and those acts are specifically agreed to and desired by the sub. This is against a background of trust, respect and an absence of abuse. From my own point I would never do an act including punishment that has not been agreed. As pointed out already punishment should have a purpose, which generally is to correct behaviour. If punishment is to be applied it should be discussed at the beginning of the relationship as well as the circumstance in which it will be applied and also the expected contrition. However, as suggested above possibly punishment is the wrong word and what you are asking is advice on different ways of doing scenes. In which case it is not a question of doms/sub or top /bottom but two people working out kinky scenarios that engages them both. To that end I would suggest he should be helping you work out what he wants. Also you need to consider your enjoyment as you too should be having fun. Good luck" Thanks Ozz, this is why it’s difficult, I know his likes and dislikes and limits, punishment in the form of pain being one. He definitely wants Bondage and Domination which is fine. I guess when he does need punishment it’s hard to give other than I guess I could deny him my body until late on in the play (let’s face it a girl has needs, I don’t think I could deny him or myself completely). G x | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios Yeah I know lol but I’m a pleaser and the Domme stuff it being learnt so it doesn’t come easy to do something someone doesn’t enjoy. If someone liked pain I could do it. Wierd I know. Funishment sounds good? I would like to give some thoughts. To my mind being a dom/me involves doing what you want to do to the sub and those acts are specifically agreed to and desired by the sub. This is against a background of trust, respect and an absence of abuse. From my own point I would never do an act including punishment that has not been agreed. As pointed out already punishment should have a purpose, which generally is to correct behaviour. If punishment is to be applied it should be discussed at the beginning of the relationship as well as the circumstance in which it will be applied and also the expected contrition. However, as suggested above possibly punishment is the wrong word and what you are asking is advice on different ways of doing scenes. In which case it is not a question of doms/sub or top /bottom but two people working out kinky scenarios that engages them both. To that end I would suggest he should be helping you work out what he wants. Also you need to consider your enjoyment as you too should be having fun. Good luck Thanks Ozz, this is why it’s difficult, I know his likes and dislikes and limits, punishment in the form of pain being one. He definitely wants Bondage and Domination which is fine. I guess when he does need punishment it’s hard to give other than I guess I could deny him my body until late on in the play (let’s face it a girl has needs, I don’t think I could deny him or myself completely). G x " Body denial and orgasm denial are useful methods as are mandatory orgasm (I am not sure I can use the f word). Ox | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios Yeah I know lol but I’m a pleaser and the Domme stuff it being learnt so it doesn’t come easy to do something someone doesn’t enjoy. If someone liked pain I could do it. Wierd I know. Funishment sounds good? I would like to give some thoughts. To my mind being a dom/me involves doing what you want to do to the sub and those acts are specifically agreed to and desired by the sub. This is against a background of trust, respect and an absence of abuse. From my own point I would never do an act including punishment that has not been agreed. As pointed out already punishment should have a purpose, which generally is to correct behaviour. If punishment is to be applied it should be discussed at the beginning of the relationship as well as the circumstance in which it will be applied and also the expected contrition. However, as suggested above possibly punishment is the wrong word and what you are asking is advice on different ways of doing scenes. In which case it is not a question of doms/sub or top /bottom but two people working out kinky scenarios that engages them both. To that end I would suggest he should be helping you work out what he wants. Also you need to consider your enjoyment as you too should be having fun. Good luck Thanks Ozz, this is why it’s difficult, I know his likes and dislikes and limits, punishment in the form of pain being one. He definitely wants Bondage and Domination which is fine. I guess when he does need punishment it’s hard to give other than I guess I could deny him my body until late on in the play (let’s face it a girl has needs, I don’t think I could deny him or myself completely). G x Body denial and orgasm denial are useful methods as are mandatory orgasm (I am not sure I can use the f word). Ox " Thank you | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios " Not sure I completely agree with this. Punishment heightens the senses, in the play, okay it’s my world, you fractionate between pleasures and pain to create an euphoric state, a form of sexual trance where boundaries/extreme can be pushed. Now, perhaps I play different to some. | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios Not sure I completely agree with this. Punishment heightens the senses, in the play, okay it’s my world, you fractionate between pleasures and pain to create an euphoric state, a form of sexual trance where boundaries/extreme can be pushed. Now, perhaps I play different to some." And I don’t agree with this! Be very careful with fractionation especially if you don’t know someone well enough, understand their background history and have negotiated it and therefore have explicit consent, especially if it’s psychological play. Your fractionation made me ill and without knowing background that was a dangerous place to go. As for all punishment not being enjoyable, some people, like brats, may play up in order to get punishment. The trick is to work out what they like and what they don’t, and if they deserve a bit of fun punishment or if they’ve misbehaved so sometimes it’s just the denial of that nice thing they like is enough. Having to stand in a corner, denying them an orgasm, do something with feet if they hate feet. You tell us, what else doesn’t he like? | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios Not sure I completely agree with this. Punishment heightens the senses, in the play, okay it’s my world, you fractionate between pleasures and pain to create an euphoric state, a form of sexual trance where boundaries/extreme can be pushed. Now, perhaps I play different to some." No I get it abd understand but he’s had dommes before and heknows himself really well so I just think there’s no point in doing something he doesn’t want and enjoy. Plus as I said I’m a pleaser so I don’t have an urge to punish in that particular way so ko strong views on it. Was just looking for other ways of the obvious punishment | |||
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"Could I get some advice please about options for punishment. So a guy I play with hates pain and humiliation. I’m crap at thinking of stuff to do to him, what ideas do you have for punishment trying to consider he hates pain? Xx The point of punishment is that it is not enjoyable, it is after all to persuade someone to not do something again. I’m guessing your looking for funishment type scenarios Not sure I completely agree with this. Punishment heightens the senses, in the play, okay it’s my world, you fractionate between pleasures and pain to create an euphoric state, a form of sexual trance where boundaries/extreme can be pushed. Now, perhaps I play different to some. No I get it abd understand but he’s had dommes before and heknows himself really well so I just think there’s no point in doing something he doesn’t want and enjoy. Plus as I said I’m a pleaser so I don’t have an urge to punish in that particular way so ko strong views on it. Was just looking for other ways of the obvious punishment " Hey, sorry, it is just the way I play, equally I might lost a little in the interpretation | |||
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"You don’t need to be sorry x " Think he was apologising to me but in the wrong quote so it wasn’t obvious | |||
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"You don’t need to be sorry x Think he was apologising to me but in the wrong quote so it wasn’t obvious " Oh oops | |||
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"You don’t need to be sorry x Think he was apologising to me but in the wrong quote so it wasn’t obvious Oh oops " Don’t worry he replied to yours so you would think that | |||
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"I’m very interested in bdsm and find it difficult to find others really so this thread is great ..... good to see the kinks get a thread " Xtasia do great bdsm events, check them out | |||
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"You don’t need to be sorry x Think he was apologising to me but in the wrong quote so it wasn’t obvious " No | |||
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"You don’t need to be sorry x Think he was apologising to me but in the wrong quote so it wasn’t obvious No" | |||
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"This is a chat thread, maybe you both need the matchmaking thread? " | |||
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"I’m very interested in bdsm and find it difficult to find others really so this thread is great ..... good to see the kinks get a thread Xtasia do great bdsm events, check them out " | |||
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"I'm in xx Anyone local to me? " North Devon so not too far away from you | |||
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"There was a bdsm thread some months back, itnwasnmore of a petition for owners of fab to provide a dedicated bdsm forum page, it was well supported ... we never got to see what the outcome of the petition was or the reasons for not having such a forum page? " I think the reasons were that it would have been difficult to moderate, however we can create bdsm related threads as long as we post within the forum guidelines | |||
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"Just really posting this here for anyone who has been to Kage event in Bury. We’re quite new to the kink but looking to explore feel free to contact with advise thank you peeps xxx" I've only been to Kage on 3 occasions, twice solo and once with my sub. It's a very friendly club. Great atmosphere and fantastic facilities. There is a downstairs dungeon which is well equipped. A pool and hot tub. Various open and private rooms including a couples only room. I think the guests make a BDSM party and everytime i have attended i have been made to feel welcome and included and discovered some really delightful play partners. I would highly recommend. | |||
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"Looking for switch males 35 and under in north east area. Though will travel if the goodies are good " Damn it I’m too old! Lol | |||
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"Id like to ask a question about the difference between Doms and Dommes in the etiquette and expectation of sex during sessions. It seems accepted that Doms will fuck their subs however for Pro Dommes this is a big no no. Is it the Pro element that’s the difference ie a Pro Dom wouldn’t fuck his sub either? Thanks " Really interesting question and one I like to think about when looking at the differences between people and dynamics I see on the scene. Here’s my own personal experience as a switch. S side Bottom to a Male or female - I can bottom for people in a club for a particular kink but it’s not sexual. Sub to a man - I’ve had a D/s relationship and that absolutely was sexual. For me the D/s relationship that I’m seeking would be sexual. Sub to a woman - never found one capable but if it was an established relationship it would be sexual for me Sub to Pro Domme - I’ve been to a Pro Domme because I wanted a particular scene. She touched me sexually but not oral, she fucked me with a strap on but no sexual contact from me to her and none was expected or wanted. Sub to Pro Dom - only been to Pro doms for private tuition so can’t answer this D side Domme/Service Top to Male or female - My alter ego NotForSofties tops and Dommes a lot of people on the club scene and it’s not sexual. Occasionally if there’s a good connection and dynamic and I may tease and fuck about with someone but still no sex in this context D/s relationship - I have a couple of D/s dynamics with women and one isn’t sexual, one is a little but no sexual contact to me again. As Domme I’ve never had a D/s relationship with a man Pro Domme - I occasionally Pro Domme or double Domme with a pro friend. For me it’s not sexual and I don’t allow sexual contact with me. My friend however will do oral and facesitting but no sex. I’m a Domme not an escort or dominatrix so it’s a different type of ‘service’. It feels like a very different part of my head so my genitals are not involved! Obviously there might be a middle ground in some cases depending on the connection and dynamic so nothing is ever black and white. I’m way more likely to include sexual stuff if I’m sub side. Complicated but the short answer to your question OP is I suspect most dominant men include sex but most dominant women don’t. Would be interesting to know if it’s the same reason as me - Submissive men do nothing for me sexually, submissive ladies do | |||
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"I am a new submissive I have not meet a domme yet but have been talking to a mistress. With me I need to be able to trust the domme to give myself freely try everything if I don't like it then I would like the domme to understand maybe because I have a opinion i might not be a good submissive " Any Domme worth their while will listen x | |||
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"I am a new submissive I have not meet a domme yet but have been talking to a mistress. With me I need to be able to trust the domme to give myself freely try everything if I don't like it then I would like the domme to understand maybe because I have a opinion i might not be a good submissive " If you’re willing you won’t be a bad submissive. Sometimes new ones can’t communicate well. Try explaining what you like or want. I don’t know if I have it right but if you’re saying I’ll try anything/everything it would turn me off. Maybe not all Dommes but it would me. Good luck. (Domme profile NotForSofties) | |||
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"I am a new submissive I have not meet a domme yet but have been talking to a mistress. With me I need to be able to trust the domme to give myself freely try everything if I don't like it then I would like the domme to understand maybe because I have a opinion i might not be a good submissive " Trust and understanding is vital in D/S relationships even if it's just a one time thing. You both need to make sure that limits and boundaries are set, safe words established (maybe look at using the traffic light system) I don't think it's the kind of thing you can jump in to and be amazing at, you need to experience things to see what it is you like, what makes you tick etc. Same for her. | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. I think training isn't the word I'd use. As a dominant you don't train a submissive to do what you want. You learn what makes the submissive tick and how best to use that for her enjoyment and yours." Great answer ... | |||
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"I am a new submissive I have not meet a domme yet but have been talking to a mistress. With me I need to be able to trust the domme to give myself freely try everything if I don't like it then I would like the domme to understand maybe because I have a opinion i might not be a good submissive " It might help you to focus your mind on what you think you might like and want to experience if you complete an on-line BDSM questionnaire - there are a few about and they're basically a list of things that you indicate an interest level against - if nothing else it will give you something to communicate to a prospective Domme about where your main interests lie, rather than saying you want to try everything | |||
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"I am a new submissive I have not meet a domme yet but have been talking to a mistress. With me I need to be able to trust the domme to give myself freely try everything if I don't like it then I would like the domme to understand maybe because I have a opinion i might not be a good submissive " Having an opinion says nothing about you being submissive. Its how you communicate it. While im not the one making the decisions i can always talk about my concerns. A good Domme/Dom will listen. | |||
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"Random thread direction but I've been thinking about attraction and control. How much someone is in control of themselves and how attractive that can be. I think control and loss of control permeates a lot through most play I've seen and done. Even if it just looks like a simple spanking or flogging from the outside. " I think there is definitely an element of them being in control of themselves that is attractive but I’ve seen some people who are so controlled in themselves it’s anally retentive! What I find super sexy is how someone takes control of me - if they do that with certainty then that is very attractive. It can be the smallest things too that no one else would ever realise from the outside how it affects you | |||
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"I think there is definitely an element of them being in control of themselves that is attractive but I’ve seen some people who are so controlled in themselves it’s anally retentive! What I find super sexy is how someone takes control of me - if they do that with certainty then that is very attractive. It can be the smallest things too that no one else would ever realise from the outside how it affects you " Control that comes from a place of confidence and strength versus that which comes from insecurity and fragility. Although both can appear similar at first outset (if control is even visible). For me, it's about someone being able to safety take away my control. Which can be done by taking control of me or creating a space where I voluntarily give it up. Maybe setting a framework for the former - may be related to why protocols and rituals can work well for some. Oh yes, those little things which have the hugest impact...a look, a word, a way of doing things. | |||
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"Any sub males or Domme. pedestal in london Great event.. " Been Pedestal a lot when I lived in London. So many stunning Dom ladies! Would take me ages to pluck up the courage to ask permission to massage feet | |||
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"Everyone has gone quiet Im struggling with dominating guys who I don’t have a connection with. I thought I’d give it a go a couple of times now. One loved everything I did to him so that was good for him but I didn’t find it interested me sexually, I was interested to see the reaction I had on him but that’s it. When I dommed the second guy he liked parts of what I did and when he was turned on I was turned on but I couldn’t bring myself to do more with either guys. It all started because of my ex FB he loved it but I wasn’t confident then to take it as far as he wanted. I’m going to keep trying and any tips gratefully received but maybe I just need to carry it on people I’m really into. Thanks B x" When I Domme as NotForSofties I don’t allow anything sexual contact as it does nothing for me, it’s more cerebral and about power and control. It’s depends what type of Domme you are, some are sexual and some or not. Do what works for you. As a sub (I’m switch) it is sexual - masculine men turn me on but submissive men don’t. | |||
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"Any sub males or Domme. pedestal in london Great event.. Been Pedestal a lot when I lived in London. So many stunning Dom ladies! Would take me ages to pluck up the courage to ask permission to massage feet " Ask!!! The worst is they can decline but some say yes. Two men have recently waited and waited before asking me but I love tootsie time!! | |||
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"Everyone has gone quiet Im struggling with dominating guys who I don’t have a connection with. I thought I’d give it a go a couple of times now. One loved everything I did to him so that was good for him but I didn’t find it interested me sexually, I was interested to see the reaction I had on him but that’s it. When I dommed the second guy he liked parts of what I did and when he was turned on I was turned on but I couldn’t bring myself to do more with either guys. It all started because of my ex FB he loved it but I wasn’t confident then to take it as far as he wanted. I’m going to keep trying and any tips gratefully received but maybe I just need to carry it on people I’m really into. Thanks B x When I Domme as NotForSofties I don’t allow anything sexual contact as it does nothing for me, it’s more cerebral and about power and control. It’s depends what type of Domme you are, some are sexual and some or not. Do what works for you. As a sub (I’m switch) it is sexual - masculine men turn me on but submissive men don’t. " Aww thanks. Sexually i love big guys and I do like Dom guys as long as they are respectful and happy to do the sensual sex side too, I like their power more so than too much pain. I guess I’d happily Domme a guy Im attracted to if it started out that way from the beginning. I don’t mind submissive men if I’m attracted to them but I guess they are few and far between. I need someone I can practice on to understand what I enjoy most. Ahh well You say you don’t allow sexual contact is that them touching you? I assume (maybe wrongly) you’ll touch them sexually? | |||
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"Everyone has gone quiet Im struggling with dominating guys who I don’t have a connection with. I thought I’d give it a go a couple of times now. One loved everything I did to him so that was good for him but I didn’t find it interested me sexually, I was interested to see the reaction I had on him but that’s it. When I dommed the second guy he liked parts of what I did and when he was turned on I was turned on but I couldn’t bring myself to do more with either guys. It all started because of my ex FB he loved it but I wasn’t confident then to take it as far as he wanted. I’m going to keep trying and any tips gratefully received but maybe I just need to carry it on people I’m really into. Thanks B x When I Domme as NotForSofties I don’t allow anything sexual contact as it does nothing for me, it’s more cerebral and about power and control. It’s depends what type of Domme you are, some are sexual and some or not. Do what works for you. As a sub (I’m switch) it is sexual - masculine men turn me on but submissive men don’t. Aww thanks. Sexually i love big guys and I do like Dom guys as long as they are respectful and happy to do the sensual sex side too, I like their power more so than too much pain. I guess I’d happily Domme a guy Im attracted to if it started out that way from the beginning. I don’t mind submissive men if I’m attracted to them but I guess they are few and far between. I need someone I can practice on to understand what I enjoy most. Ahh well You say you don’t allow sexual contact is that them touching you? I assume (maybe wrongly) you’ll touch them sexually? " I may peg them if they deserve it or foot fetishists may be allowed to cum on my feet and lick it off but nothing else. CBT necessitates touching but that’s different While I’m switch I find it difficult to switch with the same person, except for one person so far. | |||
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"Everyone has gone quiet Im struggling with dominating guys who I don’t have a connection with. I thought I’d give it a go a couple of times now. One loved everything I did to him so that was good for him but I didn’t find it interested me sexually, I was interested to see the reaction I had on him but that’s it. When I dommed the second guy he liked parts of what I did and when he was turned on I was turned on but I couldn’t bring myself to do more with either guys. It all started because of my ex FB he loved it but I wasn’t confident then to take it as far as he wanted. I’m going to keep trying and any tips gratefully received but maybe I just need to carry it on people I’m really into. Thanks B x When I Domme as NotForSofties I don’t allow anything sexual contact as it does nothing for me, it’s more cerebral and about power and control. It’s depends what type of Domme you are, some are sexual and some or not. Do what works for you. As a sub (I’m switch) it is sexual - masculine men turn me on but submissive men don’t. Aww thanks. Sexually i love big guys and I do like Dom guys as long as they are respectful and happy to do the sensual sex side too, I like their power more so than too much pain. I guess I’d happily Domme a guy Im attracted to if it started out that way from the beginning. I don’t mind submissive men if I’m attracted to them but I guess they are few and far between. I need someone I can practice on to understand what I enjoy most. Ahh well You say you don’t allow sexual contact is that them touching you? I assume (maybe wrongly) you’ll touch them sexually? I may peg them if they deserve it or foot fetishists may be allowed to cum on my feet and lick it off but nothing else. CBT necessitates touching but that’s different While I’m switch I find it difficult to switch with the same person, except for one person so far. " I found it hard to switch with the ex FWB because we started out with him in control, I think if id have started it would have been different, we will never know now I guess lol | |||
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"Pleased to see this thread get revived - always find them both interesting and informative " What do you think to my dilemma? | |||
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"Pleased to see this thread get revived - always find them both interesting and informative What do you think to my dilemma? " I think the key is in your second sentence: "I'm struggling with dominating guys who I don’t have a connection with" Maybe look for guys you do have a connection with - who you can discuss what you're both looking for freely and openly and find something that will stimulate both of you. The only "right" way to BDSM (apart from the safe, sane, consensual and informed givens) is the way that is agreed between two consenting adults - so think about what you want to get out of the dynamic and look for guys that want similar | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. From my own experience it was to put to everything that I had done to one side. Now this may sound strange to many people but for me it was important for me to be lead in the beginning. I wanted my novice sub to experience things on her terms so she wouldnt be scared. Although I had some experience the trust needed to be built and as the trust built the walls started to come down. Communication and patience were key. As her Dom her wellbeing was the only thing that was important to me rather than any physical act or kink. My thought process behind it all was to make it as enjoyable as possible because if she enjoyed herself things would naturally grow. This is what I believe worked for us. If I had to give a simple piece of advice, it would be to respect the individual no matter what you have done and how much you know every person is unique and that is what should be treasured " So well put and this was how my sir done things,it worked well for us and we went further than we ever thought | |||
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"A question for people to consider - what are your thoughts on training a novice? A question not only for experienced Dominants taking on novice submissive’s but experienced submissive’s taking on novice Dominants. From my own experience it was to put to everything that I had done to one side. Now this may sound strange to many people but for me it was important for me to be lead in the beginning. I wanted my novice sub to experience things on her terms so she wouldnt be scared. Although I had some experience the trust needed to be built and as the trust built the walls started to come down. Communication and patience were key. As her Dom her wellbeing was the only thing that was important to me rather than any physical act or kink. My thought process behind it all was to make it as enjoyable as possible because if she enjoyed herself things would naturally grow. This is what I believe worked for us. If I had to give a simple piece of advice, it would be to respect the individual no matter what you have done and how much you know every person is unique and that is what should be treasured So well put and this was how my sir done things,it worked well for us and we went further than we ever thought " Lovely. It’s what I had and seek again | |||
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"Pleased to see this thread get revived - always find them both interesting and informative What do you think to my dilemma? I think the key is in your second sentence: "I'm struggling with dominating guys who I don’t have a connection with" Maybe look for guys you do have a connection with - who you can discuss what you're both looking for freely and openly and find something that will stimulate both of you. The only "right" way to BDSM (apart from the safe, sane, consensual and informed givens) is the way that is agreed between two consenting adults - so think about what you want to get out of the dynamic and look for guys that want similar " Thanks Gemini | |||
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"Pleased to see this thread get revived - always find them both interesting and informative What do you think to my dilemma? I think the key is in your second sentence: "I'm struggling with dominating guys who I don’t have a connection with" Maybe look for guys you do have a connection with - who you can discuss what you're both looking for freely and openly and find something that will stimulate both of you. The only "right" way to BDSM (apart from the safe, sane, consensual and informed givens) is the way that is agreed between two consenting adults - so think about what you want to get out of the dynamic and look for guys that want similar Thanks Gemini " You're welcome - hope you find what you're looking for | |||
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"Pleased to see this thread get revived - always find them both interesting and informative What do you think to my dilemma? I think the key is in your second sentence: "I'm struggling with dominating guys who I don’t have a connection with" Maybe look for guys you do have a connection with - who you can discuss what you're both looking for freely and openly and find something that will stimulate both of you. The only "right" way to BDSM (apart from the safe, sane, consensual and informed givens) is the way that is agreed between two consenting adults - so think about what you want to get out of the dynamic and look for guys that want similar Thanks Gemini You're welcome - hope you find what you're looking for " Not holding my breath, never mind | |||
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"Pleased to see this thread get revived - always find them both interesting and informative What do you think to my dilemma? I think the key is in your second sentence: "I'm struggling with dominating guys who I don’t have a connection with" Maybe look for guys you do have a connection with - who you can discuss what you're both looking for freely and openly and find something that will stimulate both of you. The only "right" way to BDSM (apart from the safe, sane, consensual and informed givens) is the way that is agreed between two consenting adults - so think about what you want to get out of the dynamic and look for guys that want similar Thanks Gemini You're welcome - hope you find what you're looking for Not holding my breath, never mind " That’s a different kink entirely | |||
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"Looking for a very experienced person for some advise must breast Midland please message us" Breast | |||
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"Looking for a very experienced person for some advise must breast Midland please message us" You might want to state what advice your after. Experienced in what, breasts?! | |||
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"Gags - I’d like some advice please. I already have a ball gag with 3 different ball sizes can interchange and a bit gag. I would like to get another gag, but not sure what else is out there and best place to look. " Jossies kink store has a selection of different styles. I like the look of the ring gags | |||
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"Gags - I’d like some advice please. I already have a ball gag with 3 different ball sizes can interchange and a bit gag. I would like to get another gag, but not sure what else is out there and best place to look. " Would be looking at ring or spider gags in your position, keeps the mouth available for other uses..... | |||
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"So what is this thread about? I get its about BDSM but like is it a thread for BDSM lovers to contact each other for geberal chit chat? For Doms to "out dom" each other (as is usually the case) a thread for Doms and Dommes to find subs? A general advice thread on BDSM. We dabble in BDSM but im not a sub. I havnt read anything that would indicate anyones taken on bored theres more than subs out here? Im always the awkward one hahha. #justsaying " Last year there was a strong push by kinky fabsters to have a dedicated BDSM forum. Because there is a lot of ignorance about BDSM and people have genuine curiosity about it or want to discuss what they are doing. Fab ignored the requests. The general assumption being that Fab is paranoid of people discussing the darker arts of BDSM that could be deemed illegal. OP started this thread in the belief that adults would police themselves and ask for and get advice on matters without bordering into illegality. FYI there is both a BDSM dating thread and also a sexual kinksters thread floating around. | |||
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"So what is this thread about? I get its about BDSM but like is it a thread for BDSM lovers to contact each other for geberal chit chat? For Doms to "out dom" each other (as is usually the case) a thread for Doms and Dommes to find subs? A general advice thread on BDSM. We dabble in BDSM but im not a sub. I havnt read anything that would indicate anyones taken on bored theres more than subs out here? Im always the awkward one hahha. #justsaying Last year there was a strong push by kinky fabsters to have a dedicated BDSM forum. Because there is a lot of ignorance about BDSM and people have genuine curiosity about it or want to discuss what they are doing. Fab ignored the requests. The general assumption being that Fab is paranoid of people discussing the darker arts of BDSM that could be deemed illegal. OP started this thread in the belief that adults would police themselves and ask for and get advice on matters without bordering into illegality. FYI there is both a BDSM dating thread and also a sexual kinksters thread floating around. " Didn't you get the memo, we are all law breaking perverts who can't be trusted! | |||
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"So what is this thread about? I get its about BDSM but like is it a thread for BDSM lovers to contact each other for geberal chit chat? For Doms to "out dom" each other (as is usually the case) a thread for Doms and Dommes to find subs? A general advice thread on BDSM. We dabble in BDSM but im not a sub. I havnt read anything that would indicate anyones taken on bored theres more than subs out here? Im always the awkward one hahha. #justsaying Last year there was a strong push by kinky fabsters to have a dedicated BDSM forum. Because there is a lot of ignorance about BDSM and people have genuine curiosity about it or want to discuss what they are doing. Fab ignored the requests. The general assumption being that Fab is paranoid of people discussing the darker arts of BDSM that could be deemed illegal. OP started this thread in the belief that adults would police themselves and ask for and get advice on matters without bordering into illegality. FYI there is both a BDSM dating thread and also a sexual kinksters thread floating around. Didn't you get the memo, we are all law breaking perverts who can't be trusted!" Lol, I was too busy doing stuff that can't be mentioned on Fab to read it. Also infortunately my secretary was gagged and blindfolded when it arrived. | |||
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"So what is this thread about? I get its about BDSM but like is it a thread for BDSM lovers to contact each other for geberal chit chat? For Doms to "out dom" each other (as is usually the case) a thread for Doms and Dommes to find subs? A general advice thread on BDSM. We dabble in BDSM but im not a sub. I havnt read anything that would indicate anyones taken on bored theres more than subs out here? Im always the awkward one hahha. #justsaying Last year there was a strong push by kinky fabsters to have a dedicated BDSM forum. Because there is a lot of ignorance about BDSM and people have genuine curiosity about it or want to discuss what they are doing. Fab ignored the requests. The general assumption being that Fab is paranoid of people discussing the darker arts of BDSM that could be deemed illegal. OP started this thread in the belief that adults would police themselves and ask for and get advice on matters without bordering into illegality. FYI there is both a BDSM dating thread and also a sexual kinksters thread floating around. Didn't you get the memo, we are all law breaking perverts who can't be trusted! Lol, I was too busy doing stuff that can't be mentioned on Fab to read it. Also infortunately my secretary was gagged and blindfolded when it arrived. " Its people like you that give us a bad name | |||
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