FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > "Slut" as a label - Discuss
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"Today I had the pleasure of being called a fucking slut by some guy simply because I didn't respond to his emails as quickly as he liked. It got me thinking, I see a lot of people talking about their "slutty wife" etc and I wonder how do you ladies feel about that label? Personally I hate it. Why? Because the idea is that if a man loves sex he his normal, yet if a woman acts the same way, she is somehow a "slut". A disparaging and offensive term thrown at women who are as sexually liberated as men. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fundementalist feminist, nor do I feel people should not be free to label themselves how they choose, I'm simply interested in how you ladies feel being routinely referred to as a slut." a sluts a slut whether its a guy or a woman its a derogatory expression and only people with no manners use that expression along with many others I'm afraid ,its all about choices I suppose but at least you found out before it went any further | |||
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"I regard myself as a slut, and I’m not ashamed of it. I don’t like it when the word is used abusively though. Mrs" Agree with the above and the pillow talk comment. So depends on the context, wouldn't appreciate being called a slut by someone outside of the lifestyle who was using it as an act of abuse. Sx | |||
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"If its pillow talk I'm all for it. " This | |||
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"For me, I hate the term. It may be reclaimed by a minority, but to the majority it is a derogatory term implying a females morals are weak because she enjoys the same sexual freedoms as a male. In that sense "slut" used in whatever context, reinforces the social oppression of females. " You have got yourself a bit mixed up here, and as a consequence you’ve come to a flawed conclusion. A term having a derogatory meaning for the majority does not preclude a minority from using the same term in a celebratory way, nor also enjoying subverting the term’s derogatory nature, or simply consensually enjoying its derogatory intent. So it does not ‘reinforce the social oppression of females in whatever context’. Context is, in fact, precisely what can prevent the term from being a tool of social oppression. | |||
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"Interesting... used as a derogatory term but personally if I fit the definition of slut then I'm gonna own it!! Not that I'd appreciate being called that day to day.. during sex however I like being called names " You be my kind of slut x | |||
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"I regard myself as a slut, and I’m not ashamed of it. I don’t like it when the word is used abusively though. Mrs" This. It depends on the context | |||
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"If a guy replied to me the way he did to you... I'd block and not have any contact with him again. Not sure why you need to ask the Q. " He has been blocked and reported. The question is asked out of curiosity not need. | |||
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"Guys often act like little kids and throw tantrums if they cant get what they want. Leave them to grow up and be the sexually liberated woman that you are!" | |||
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" A term having a derogatory meaning for the majority does not preclude a minority from using the same term in a celebratory way, nor also enjoying subverting the term’s derogatory nature, or simply consensually enjoying its derogatory intent. " That is a given as I said, everyone is free. However a minority is only a small part of wider society, and therefore it is the majorities use of the word that holds meaning from a social context. " So it does not ‘reinforce the social oppression of females in whatever context’. Context is, in fact, precisely what can prevent the term from being a tool of social oppression. " You're confusing a minority definition with societal definition. Also, the fact that a couple enjoy the derogatory and negative aspects of the word, does not disclude their use from reinforcing the mainstream societal meaning applied to the word. it just means they enjoy that meaning. In the end, a male is trained by social conditioning to be promiscuous and to enjoy that promiscuity. The more conquests he makes, the more of a "stud" he is. A term steeped in praise and veneration. A female is trained by social conditioning to be monogamous and to serve her (male) partner. The more "partners" she has, the more of a "slut" she is. A term steeped in disapproval and vilification. Slut, used in any context, even pleasurably between lovers, still reinforces the view that a sexually promiscuous female is morally inferior to a sexually promiscuous male. Personally, I never enjoy being slut shamed. Especially from a lover. | |||
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"I can be a complete slut in the bedroom. I don't particularly like strangers calling me a slut." You wouldn't expect it from the cashier at the local supermarket for example! | |||
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"Obviously in the throws of passion many women love you to talk really dirty and use terminology such as slut " I'm not sure that it is 'many' women | |||
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"Some of us men get called sluts too " Yeah but some of you men like it too. | |||
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"Some of us men get called sluts too Yeah but some of you men like it too. " All right who's been talking? | |||
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"Oxford dictionary defines slut as "A woman who has many casual sexual partners." Use that as your definition and there are quite a few sluts on fab. Just saying " Busted | |||
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"Oxford dictionary defines slut as "A woman who has many casual sexual partners." Use that as your definition and there are quite a few sluts on fab. Just saying Busted " Yes indeed! You are beyond redemption | |||
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"*slut" Slit was better | |||
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"Guys often act like little kids and throw tantrums if they cant get what they want. Leave them to grow up and be the sexually liberated woman that you are!" Exactly this. Fab has too many guys either looking for relief from sexless unsatisfying relationships, or single guys who find it difficult to get laid in real life. They should look at the common denominator in their problem - Themselves. If they weren't such arseholes they wouldn't need to slime around Fab where, ironically, they stand as little chance as they do in real life. I stress not all men obviously. There are plenty of diamonds amongst the dust. | |||
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"Interesting... used as a derogatory term but personally if I fit the definition of slut then I'm gonna own it!! Not that I'd appreciate being called that day to day.. during sex however I like being called names " This It’s just a word, during sex is highly erotic any other time then they may know me well ....slutsrus - get liberated ...screw what anyone else says x | |||
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"*slut Slit was better " | |||
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"Interesting... used as a derogatory term but personally if I fit the definition of slut then I'm gonna own it!! Not that I'd appreciate being called that day to day.. during sex however I like being called names This It’s just a word, during sex is highly erotic any other time then they may know me well ....slutsrus - get liberated ...screw what anyone else says x " The problem for me, is I see it as a word that has been created to demean and shame women into behaving in a certain way. I don't find it a liberating word at all, regardless of whether someone owns it or not. I find it quite the opposite. The ultimate liberation would be if it were no longer an accepted term. I'm sure others will disagree, but that's my personal take on it | |||
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"Today I had the pleasure of being called a fucking slut by some guy simply because I didn't respond to his emails as quickly as he liked. It got me thinking, I see a lot of people talking about their "slutty wife" etc and I wonder how do you ladies feel about that label? Personally I hate it. Why? Because the idea is that if a man loves sex he his normal, yet if a woman acts the same way, she is somehow a "slut". A disparaging and offensive term thrown at women who are as sexually liberated as men. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fundementalist feminist, nor do I feel people should not be free to label themselves how they choose, I'm simply interested in how you ladies feel being routinely referred to as a slut." The word is used in two contexts . When it was used in hate as in your case it’s disgusting . But my wife is a sexy slut when we go out , and in this context we love it . | |||
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"Call my wife a slut in the bedroom and you'll be fine. Use it as a term of abuse and you'll need an ambulance!!" This. As someone already said, context is everything. I've recently embraced what I call my 'slut side,' and I'll now often refer to myself as a 'slut boy' if I'm feeling ultra-submissive... Likewise, I've always refered to myself as a 'cuddle-slut'... However, I've got no tolerance for people who throw the term at me without invitation; particularly wannabe 'Doms' who send me cock pics at 1am... | |||
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"Interesting... used as a derogatory term but personally if I fit the definition of slut then I'm gonna own it!! Not that I'd appreciate being called that day to day.. during sex however I like being called names This It’s just a word, during sex is highly erotic any other time then they may know me well ....slutsrus - get liberated ...screw what anyone else says x The problem for me, is I see it as a word that has been created to demean and shame women into behaving in a certain way. I don't find it a liberating word at all, regardless of whether someone owns it or not. I find it quite the opposite. The ultimate liberation would be if it were no longer an accepted term. I'm sure others will disagree, but that's my personal take on it " "The problem for me, is I see it as a word that has been create....." It's a problem for you but not a problem for others. People are different; and that's the bottom line. The context in which the word is used also important. It's neither right nor wrong; all depends on the individual and the context. | |||
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"Interesting... used as a derogatory term but personally if I fit the definition of slut then I'm gonna own it!! Not that I'd appreciate being called that day to day.. during sex however I like being called names This It’s just a word, during sex is highly erotic any other time then they may know me well ....slutsrus - get liberated ...screw what anyone else says x The problem for me, is I see it as a word that has been created to demean and shame women into behaving in a certain way. I don't find it a liberating word at all, regardless of whether someone owns it or not. I find it quite the opposite. The ultimate liberation would be if it were no longer an accepted term. I'm sure others will disagree, but that's my personal take on it "The problem for me, is I see it as a word that has been create....." It's a problem for you but not a problem for others. People are different; and that's the bottom line. The context in which the word is used also important. It's neither right nor wrong; all depends on the individual and the context. " That's why I put 'the problem for me | |||
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"Guys often act like little kids and throw tantrums if they cant get what they want. Leave them to grow up and be the sexually liberated woman that you are! Exactly this. Fab has too many guys either looking for relief from sexless unsatisfying relationships, or single guys who find it difficult to get laid in real life. They should look at the common denominator in their problem - Themselves. If they weren't such arseholes they wouldn't need to slime around Fab where, ironically, they stand as little chance as they do in real life. I stress not all men obviously. There are plenty of diamonds amongst the dust." | |||
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"Well I’ve just been made to feel like one and it doesn’t feel good played with a guy on Friday and we’d made plans to meet again today. Got a snotty message off him this morning saying I’d had enough fun - yesterday I went into chat on cam and got a cam veri from some kind people who indulged my passion for talking about cycling. Apparently getting a veri yesterday and assuming a previously arranged meet is going ahead is, in as many words, slutty. Not that I should have to, but not even a chance to explain. " Why would you want to explain anything to him? You've done nothing wrong. You know the truth. If he has such issues why would you want to meet him again? | |||
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" A term having a derogatory meaning for the majority does not preclude a minority from using the same term in a celebratory way, nor also enjoying subverting the term’s derogatory nature, or simply consensually enjoying its derogatory intent. That is a given as I said, everyone is free. However a minority is only a small part of wider society, and therefore it is the majorities use of the word that holds meaning from a social context. So it does not ‘reinforce the social oppression of females in whatever context’. Context is, in fact, precisely what can prevent the term from being a tool of social oppression. You're confusing a minority definition with societal definition. Also, the fact that a couple enjoy the derogatory and negative aspects of the word, does not disclude their use from reinforcing the mainstream societal meaning applied to the word. it just means they enjoy that meaning. In the end, a male is trained by social conditioning to be promiscuous and to enjoy that promiscuity. The more conquests he makes, the more of a "stud" he is. A term steeped in praise and veneration. A female is trained by social conditioning to be monogamous and to serve her (male) partner. The more "partners" she has, the more of a "slut" she is. A term steeped in disapproval and vilification. Slut, used in any context, even pleasurably between lovers, still reinforces the view that a sexually promiscuous female is morally inferior to a sexually promiscuous male. Personally, I never enjoy being slut shamed. Especially from a lover." No, you are still confused, and explaining the obvious meaning of the word doesn’t change that. You seem to think because you don’t like a term, and it has an obvious negative and derogatory meaning and use in wide society, than it can never have any other meaning or use consensually in private. Its consensual use in private, no matter whatever the reason for that use, be it pleasurable shame or pleasurable celebration, makes no contribution to its negativity in a wider social context. In fact, it can only ever contribute to a diminishing of negative meaning. What you personally do or don’t enjoy is irrelevant to this point. | |||
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"nor me....but context is all....i can see the difference in using it knowing its turning someone on, and when its deliberately demeaning and disrespectful" Exactly this. | |||
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"I love being called a slut during sex. I haven't been called a slut in public but I think I would laugh hard, I'm hard to offend tbh. " That's my kind of girl ... loves the banter x N1ce | |||
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"It’s all about context for me; there’s a difference between someone saying ‘you’re a dirty slut’ to saying ‘you’re my dirty slut’. I’d be less inclined to kick someone in the shin for saying the latter! " Such a bad girl... badgirlj xx | |||
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"Obviously in the throws of passion many women love you to talk really dirty and use terminology such as slut I'm not sure that it is 'many' women " I've met a fair few that love it | |||
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"Well I’ve just been made to feel like one and it doesn’t feel good played with a guy on Friday and we’d made plans to meet again today. Got a snotty message off him this morning saying I’d had enough fun - yesterday I went into chat on cam and got a cam veri from some kind people who indulged my passion for talking about cycling. Apparently getting a veri yesterday and assuming a previously arranged meet is going ahead is, in as many words, slutty. Not that I should have to, but not even a chance to explain. Why would you want to explain anything to him? You've done nothing wrong. You know the truth. If he has such issues why would you want to meet him again?" Oh, I don’t - it’s more the frustration of being spoken to like I’m something he stepped in for something I haven’t done. Over it now! | |||
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"Obviously in the throws of passion many women love you to talk really dirty and use terminology such as slut I'm not sure that it is 'many' women I've met a fair few that love it " but I reiterate only in the throws of orgasmic passion | |||
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" You seem to think because you don’t like a term, and it has an obvious negative and derogatory meaning and use in wide society, than it can never have any other meaning or use consensually in private." Sorry but again you're confused as to my meaning. The use in private between lovers is not the issue. The wider societal meaning is. Private use, consensual or not, still relies upon the behaviour of the woman "acting like" a slut. In this sense, the willing partner is not being a slut, but is acting a slut. Whilst pleasurable for the willing, it does not alter the meaning of the word slut, NOR importantly, the associated negative connotations within society. In its use in the bedroom, the users are still contributing to the perception that a sexually active woman is morally inferior to a male with the same level of sexual activity. This was best summed up by Dark Angel when she wrote.. "The problem for me, is I see it as a word that has been created to demean and shame women into behaving in a certain way. I don't find it a liberating word at all, regardless of whether someone owns it or not. I find it quite the opposite. The ultimate liberation would be if it were no longer an accepted term." When you say... " Its consensual use in private, no matter whatever the reason for that use, be it pleasurable shame or pleasurable celebration, makes no contribution to its negativity in a wider social context. In fact, it can only ever contribute to a diminishing of negative meaning." I have to ask.. do you believe that acting out a fantasy within the bedroom somehow deminishes sexual assaults against women within wider society? Promoting the use of the word slut to define a sexually active woman does not diminish its negative meaning. It reinforces it in the same way that porn in which women are seen as simple objects of sexual gratification, has resulted in the increase incidents of sexual assault against females. What you and your lover(s) do in the bedroom is your business, but "acting a slut" doesn't change the words meaning, negative connotations or usage in wider society. The word "slut", designed specifically to shame sexually active women, should have no place within wider society. | |||
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"Some people put to much thought into things, its just a word... now where is my slut wife " I see that originality and creativity are strong aspects of your character... not so sure about your empathy | |||
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"Some people put to much thought into things, its just a word... now where is my slut wife I see that originality and creativity are strong aspects of your character... not so sure about your empathy " Well if you look a bit further up the thread you will see what mrs badcherry take on this is | |||
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"Painting attitudes then as oppressive is pointless 'cos it's just how things used to be,...." "Whilst things have changed, it puzzles me that this word still holds weight. it's backward and pathetic." "It's frustrating too that women give this term value by letting it have impact." Thanks for the intelligent reply. To the three points highlighted above... Its not "how things used to be.." the fact that the word is still used in a derogatory manner shows that things have not changed. As a post-op transsex female, I know from experience that my life as a female comes with none of the social privildges afforded to males. If a fuck freely, then society judges me to have lax morals. Yet as a man, the same behaviour is a mark of my male success. On your final point, the word has impact because it is misogynistic (woman hating) aggression. Females are verbally attacked simply for living the life you promote, and as in my case, because despite our percieved lax sexual morality, we still turned him down. It is a sense of male entitlement that SOME men hold toward women, and especially women they percieve as "sluts". | |||
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"Some people put to much thought into things, its just a word... now where is my slut wife I see that originality and creativity are strong aspects of your character... not so sure about your empathy Well if you look a bit further up the thread you will see what mrs badcherry take on this is " Your point being? D- Must try harder. The fact your partner has no issue being called a slut, as with others previous posts, doesn't deminish the negative social connotations or oppresive meaning of the word in wider society. | |||
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"It’s simple! If I call the Mrs a slut it’s ok!! Anyone else not ok The end " Its a discussion. Not an argument | |||
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"It’s all about context for me too. I have a word that is similar tattooed on my bum which I am very proud of and I am happy to show it to people that I know from the vanilla world! I have been called things like that during sex with different people and have really enjoyed it. !" I find that very sexy | |||
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"I would happily call a man a slut. I think it's a unisex term these days. Anyway probably best not to take things personally, I'm sure you will get worse messages, especially if your filters aren't on. " I haven't taken his words personally. I merely asked the question how do people feel about it. As for your belief that the term is unisex, I'd disagree. Males, in general, don't get sexually assaulted because society percieves them as sluts. Females do. Filters would not have stopped his message. he became offended because I didn't respond in the time or manner he wanted. As usual with men, he then became verbally aggresive using both transphobic and misogynistic insults. I just reported and blocked the dick. | |||
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"I haven't bothered to read every response to this read, my bad, but speaking from my own perspective the term 'slut' is absolutely fine because for me it represents the kind of label that describes someone's particular sexual tendencies. You can a male slut and a female slut, they are both in essence the same. In my mind there is nothing wrong with a slut. It's an expression of personal sexual freedom and *Confidence * much the same way being called gay was in the 1960's. Being called gay now is no longer offensive whether there is truth in it or not for either gender but back then it was a "family destroyer" of a term. In time society will learn to accept that sexual confidence is not something that should be discriminated against. Human beings are not genetically designed for monogamous relationships for life. It's that simple. I am all for a slut, or slutty behaviour. Doesn't have to be for my benefit at all, just be confident in ourselves and be safe in how we go about it. Who else can judge? " | |||
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"There is nothing wrong with the word slut in my opinion and there is nothing wrong if a lady accepts she is a slut, it's a great thing in my opinion. That said, any type of abusive or disrespectful behaviour for whatever reason is wrong, this helps us narrow down to the issue. Abusive or disrespectful behaviour of one person to another is the issue not the word slut. I am a male slut and I accept it, I have no issues if a lady called me a male slut." "Abusive or disrespectful behaviour of one person to another is the issue not the word slut." Spot on | |||
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"I would happily call a man a slut. I think it's a unisex term these days. Anyway probably best not to take things personally, I'm sure you will get worse messages, especially if your filters aren't on. I haven't taken his words personally. I merely asked the question how do people feel about it. As for your belief that the term is unisex, I'd disagree. Males, in general, don't get sexually assaulted because society percieves them as sluts. Females do. Filters would not have stopped his message. he became offended because I didn't respond in the time or manner he wanted. As usual with men, he then became verbally aggresive using both transphobic and misogynistic insults. I just reported and blocked the dick." "I just reported and blocked the dick" So calling a lady a slut is wrong in your opinion ; but it's OK to refer to a guy as a "dick" | |||
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"I would happily call a man a slut. I think it's a unisex term these days. Anyway probably best not to take things personally, I'm sure you will get worse messages, especially if your filters aren't on. I haven't taken his words personally. I merely asked the question how do people feel about it. As for your belief that the term is unisex, I'd disagree. Males, in general, don't get sexually assaulted because society percieves them as sluts. Females do. Filters would not have stopped his message. he became offended because I didn't respond in the time or manner he wanted. As usual with men, he then became verbally aggresive using both transphobic and misogynistic insults. I just reported and blocked the dick. "I just reported and blocked the dick" So calling a lady a slut is wrong in your opinion ; but it's OK to refer to a guy as a "dick" " Haha well said | |||
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"There is nothing wrong with the word slut in my opinion and there is nothing wrong if a lady accepts she is a slut, it's a great thing in my opinion." "I am a male slut and I accept it, I have no issues if a lady called me a male slut." The problem with this opinion is that the word "slut", as defined in wider society is gender specific to women, and secondly a disparaging remark ie offensive. When men use the term toward others / themselves, there is an element of joviality / humour not found in the words use toward women. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/slut So, even if "..a lady accepts she is a slut.." i.e. “acts” a slut within the bedroom and / or context of her relationship, she is also accepting the negative social aspects i.e. her socially viewed lower moral standards. By dictionary definition, you can't have a male slut. | |||
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"So calling a lady a slut is wrong in your opinion ; but it's OK to refer to a guy as a "dick" " Again, NO, this is a discussion on the word slut. As I've stated many times, used in the bedroom between consenting adults it is acceptable.... on the proviso that the users understand that by doing so, they perpetuate antiquated and offensive views toward women i.e. that whilst male promiscuity, the male slut if you like, is fine; applied to a woman the word defines her as having lower moral standards in all aspects of her life. When a man has many lovers he’s called a stud, Casanova, ladies man etc... If he’s famous, it boosts his career. If a female acts the same way, she’s called a slut. If she’s famous, she’s slut shamed in the press and her career takes a battering. THAT is why the word is so offensive. It is no different to you using the "N" word with your mates. However if I or another Caucasian was to use that word, then despite our intent, an offensive meaning would be associated to it because of the history of white on black abuse. A similar thing exists with Tranny. If I use it, that's fine. If you call me a tranny, then an offensive meaning would be associated to it because of the history of cis abuse on transsex people. As regards my use of the word dick... Cambridge dictionary defines the word as "offensive: a stupid man" https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/dick I feel no need to apologise for calling him a dick, especially in response to him referring to me as a slut. I will say this though. Calling a guy a dick doesn't question his morality or even his intelligence. It simply states, in an offensive manner, that his behaviour at some moment was foolish. Dick is more akin to twat or cunt. There is no male equivalent for “slut”, only an alternative version again associated to females “slag”. | |||
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"Couldn't and wouldn't call a woman that even if she wanted to during sex." spot on | |||
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"So calling a lady a slut is wrong in your opinion ; but it's OK to refer to a guy as a "dick" Again, NO, this is a discussion on the word slut. As I've stated many times, used in the bedroom between consenting adults it is acceptable.... on the proviso that the users understand that by doing so, they perpetuate antiquated and offensive views toward women i.e. that whilst male promiscuity, the male slut if you like, is fine; applied to a woman the word defines her as having lower moral standards in all aspects of her life. When a man has many lovers he’s called a stud, Casanova, ladies man etc... If he’s famous, it boosts his career. If a female acts the same way, she’s called a slut. If she’s famous, she’s slut shamed in the press and her career takes a battering. THAT is why the word is so offensive. It is no different to you using the "N" word with your mates. However if I or another Caucasian was to use that word, then despite our intent, an offensive meaning would be associated to it because of the history of white on black abuse. A similar thing exists with Tranny. If I use it, that's fine. If you call me a tranny, then an offensive meaning would be associated to it because of the history of cis abuse on transsex people. As regards my use of the word dick... Cambridge dictionary defines the word as "offensive: a stupid man" https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/dick I feel no need to apologise for calling him a dick, especially in response to him referring to me as a slut. I will say this though. Calling a guy a dick doesn't question his morality or even his intelligence. It simply states, in an offensive manner, that his behaviour at some moment was foolish. Dick is more akin to twat or cunt. There is no male equivalent for “slut”, only an alternative version again associated to females “slag”." "I feel no need to apologise for calling him a dick" In which case there is no need for the guy to apologise for calling you a slut. | |||
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"Dick is more akin to twat or cunt. There is no male equivalent for “slut”" Without wishing to be pedantic: 'Lothario' - "a man who behaves selfishly and irresponsibly in his sexual relationships with women" I might also suggest 'Philanderer,' 'Lech' and 'Womaniser,' since they are usually employed to depict male promiscuity as predatory, exploitative or abusive... | |||
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"used in the bedroom between consenting adults it is acceptable.... on the proviso that the users understand that by doing so, they perpetuate antiquated and offensive views toward women i.e. that whilst male promiscuity, the male slut if you like, is fine; applied to a woman the word defines her as having lower moral standards in all aspects of her life." Even in the allegedly 'safe' environment of a consensual BDSM scene, I have never been comfortable using the term 'slut' in reference to a play partner...the idea of applying it to anyone other than myself makes me incredibly uncomfortable... | |||
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"Some people put to much thought into things, its just a word... now where is my slut wife I see that originality and creativity are strong aspects of your character... not so sure about your empathy Well if you look a bit further up the thread you will see what mrs badcherry take on this is Your point being? D- Must try harder. The fact your partner has no issue being called a slut, as with others previous posts, doesn't deminish the negative social connotations or oppresive meaning of the word in wider society. " it is derrogotary but most sexual innuendo is but for some its a turn on ,its about the people concerned and the moment..........no means no right ? | |||
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"So calling a lady a slut is wrong in your opinion ; but it's OK to refer to a guy as a "dick" Again, NO, this is a discussion on the word slut. As I've stated many times, used in the bedroom between consenting adults it is acceptable.... on the proviso that the users understand that by doing so, they perpetuate antiquated and offensive views toward women i.e. that whilst male promiscuity, the male slut if you like, is fine; applied to a woman the word defines her as having lower moral standards in all aspects of her life. When a man has many lovers he’s called a stud, Casanova, ladies man etc... If he’s famous, it boosts his career. If a female acts the same way, she’s called a slut. If she’s famous, she’s slut shamed in the press and her career takes a battering. THAT is why the word is so offensive. It is no different to you using the "N" word with your mates. However if I or another Caucasian was to use that word, then despite our intent, an offensive meaning would be associated to it because of the history of white on black abuse. A similar thing exists with Tranny. If I use it, that's fine. If you call me a tranny, then an offensive meaning would be associated to it because of the history of cis abuse on transsex people. As regards my use of the word dick... Cambridge dictionary defines the word as "offensive: a stupid man" https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/dick I feel no need to apologise for calling him a dick, especially in response to him referring to me as a slut. I will say this though. Calling a guy a dick doesn't question his morality or even his intelligence. It simply states, in an offensive manner, that his behaviour at some moment was foolish. Dick is more akin to twat or cunt. There is no male equivalent for “slut”, only an alternative version again associated to females “slag”. "I feel no need to apologise for calling him a dick" In which case there is no need for the guy to apologise for calling you a slut." I haven't sought his apology. The point of the debate is the use of the word. D- must try harder | |||
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"Dick is more akin to twat or cunt. There is no male equivalent for “slut” Without wishing to be pedantic: 'Lothario' - "a man who behaves selfishly and irresponsibly in his sexual relationships with women" I might also suggest 'Philanderer,' 'Lech' and 'Womaniser,' since they are usually employed to depict male promiscuity as predatory, exploitative or abusive..." Good try, but none of those carry the same negative moral connotations. They only judge his behaviour toward women on sexual issues. They don't judge his morality on all aspects of his life, because he enjoys sex. I'd say they're more like pricked tease, golddigger etc. | |||
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"So calling a lady a slut is wrong in your opinion ; but it's OK to refer to a guy as a "dick" Again, NO, this is a discussion on the word slut. As I've stated many times, used in the bedroom between consenting adults it is acceptable.... on the proviso that the users understand that by doing so, they perpetuate antiquated and offensive views toward women i.e. that whilst male promiscuity, the male slut if you like, is fine; applied to a woman the word defines her as having lower moral standards in all aspects of her life. When a man has many lovers he’s called a stud, Casanova, ladies man etc... If he’s famous, it boosts his career. If a female acts the same way, she’s called a slut. If she’s famous, she’s slut shamed in the press and her career takes a battering. THAT is why the word is so offensive. It is no different to you using the "N" word with your mates. However if I or another Caucasian was to use that word, then despite our intent, an offensive meaning would be associated to it because of the history of white on black abuse. A similar thing exists with Tranny. If I use it, that's fine. If you call me a tranny, then an offensive meaning would be associated to it because of the history of cis abuse on transsex people. As regards my use of the word dick... Cambridge dictionary defines the word as "offensive: a stupid man" https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/dick I feel no need to apologise for calling him a dick, especially in response to him referring to me as a slut. I will say this though. Calling a guy a dick doesn't question his morality or even his intelligence. It simply states, in an offensive manner, that his behaviour at some moment was foolish. Dick is more akin to twat or cunt. There is no male equivalent for “slut”, only an alternative version again associated to females “slag”. "I feel no need to apologise for calling him a dick" In which case there is no need for the guy to apologise for calling you a slut. I haven't sought his apology. The point of the debate is the use of the word. D- must try harder" And regarding the use of the word; as I stated earlier: It's neither right nor wrong; all depends on the individual and the context in which it is used. | |||
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" You seem to think because you don’t like a term, and it has an obvious negative and derogatory meaning and use in wide society, than it can never have any other meaning or use consensually in private. Sorry but again you're confused as to my meaning. The use in private between lovers is not the issue. The wider societal meaning is. Private use, consensual or not, still relies upon the behaviour of the woman "acting like" a slut. In this sense, the willing partner is not being a slut, but is acting a slut. Whilst pleasurable for the willing, it does not alter the meaning of the word slut, NOR importantly, the associated negative connotations within society. In its use in the bedroom, the users are still contributing to the perception that a sexually active woman is morally inferior to a male with the same level of sexual activity. This was best summed up by Dark Angel when she wrote..The problem for me, is I see it as a word that has been created to demean and shame women into behaving in a certain way. I don't find it a liberating word at all, regardless of whether someone owns it or not. I find it quite the opposite. The ultimate liberation would be if it were no longer an accepted term. When you say... Its consensual use in private, no matter whatever the reason for that use, be it pleasurable shame or pleasurable celebration, makes no contribution to its negativity in a wider social context. In fact, it can only ever contribute to a diminishing of negative meaning. I have to ask.. do you believe that acting out a fantasy within the bedroom somehow deminishes sexual assaults against women within wider society? Promoting the use of the word slut to define a sexually active woman does not diminish its negative meaning. It reinforces it in the same way that porn in which women are seen as simple objects of sexual gratification, has resulted in the increase incidents of sexual assault against females. What you and your lover(s) do in the bedroom is your business, but "acting a slut" doesn't change the words meaning, negative connotations or usage in wider society. The word "slut", designed specifically to shame sexually active women, should have no place within wider society." Then you need to try to decide what point it is you think you are making here. Abusive words should have no place in society - this is an obvious point. And yet they do, so in this regard ‘slut’ is no different from any other - including ‘dick’. A word’s original intent does not remain its definition in perpetuity - like all words, use changes meaning, and a dictionary definition only serves to record the last ‘official’ definition. They change with time. So a negative word being used positively can only serve to diminish the negative meaning, not reinforce that meaning, as you seem to believe, even if they play with those original negatives. Your question about sexual assaults doesn’t make any real sense, unless you make some wild leaps of logic - do you want to try to rephrase it? | |||
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"Today I had the pleasure of being called a fucking slut by some guy simply because I didn't respond to his emails as quickly as he liked. It got me thinking, I see a lot of people talking about their "slutty wife" etc and I wonder how do you ladies feel about that label? Personally I hate it. Why? Because the idea is that if a man loves sex he his normal, yet if a woman acts the same way, she is somehow a "slut". A disparaging and offensive term thrown at women who are as sexually liberated as men. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fundementalist feminist, nor do I feel people should not be free to label themselves how they choose, I'm simply interested in how you ladies feel being routinely referred to as a slut." I personally have never used the word Its derogatory to my thinking. Some ladies like the lable and I am ok with that But wouldn't use the word to describe any woman I am with | |||
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"I hate it.. words don’t usually bother me but I hate slut/slag .. hateful and disrespectful words " Yes I agree - abhorrent. | |||
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"Congrats to the OP for stringing this out to over 150 posts. Who would have thought one little word would cause such a spouting of intellectual hot air. Looks like I've stumbled into psueds corner on fab" Has she deliberately strung it out? Or are people just naturally enjoying the discussion? I’m sure people wouldn’t have contributed if they weren’t interested. Mrs | |||
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"Congrats to the OP for stringing this out to over 150 posts. Who would have thought one little word would cause such a spouting of intellectual hot air. Looks like I've stumbled into psueds corner on fab Has she deliberately strung it out? Or are people just naturally enjoying the discussion? I’m sure people wouldn’t have contributed if they weren’t interested. Mrs" Exactly...I mean...who'd have thought that people would actually DISAGREE about the implications of using the word 'slut' in a sexual context?! I mean...next you'll be telling me that some people on Fab are critical of certain aspects of BDSM... | |||
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"Looks like I've stumbled into psueds corner on fab" Classy and has avoid written all over it...we enjoyed reading the debate, where there are strongly held views. Why waste electrons with this negative, dismissive and, quite frankly, arrogant statement? | |||
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"Looks like I've stumbled into psueds corner on fab Classy and has avoid written all over it...we enjoyed reading the debate, where there are strongly held views. Why waste electrons with this negative, dismissive and, quite frankly, arrogant statement?" Well if we're being frank, I find it rather arrogant for individuals to take it upon themselves to state what society as a whole thinks of the word. | |||
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"its a horrid name to call some one" its an awful word .call me that and you'll lose your nuts | |||
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"I'm not ok with using terms like this either in everyday conversation or during sex. They come out of a culture that has objectified and shamed women simultaneously and it's actively a turn off to use those phrases and words in play for me. It's also a turn off to ear others using them within earshot for me." I agree 100% with this. So we see the words meaning doesn't change over time no matter how much it is "claimed" by a community. If that was the case, the N word would now be socially acceptable as the black community adopted the word at the very start of the race equality movement. Yet it is not. The comparison I made earlier to sexual assault stands. The act of role play in the bedroom between consenting adults, in no way eradicates the threat in public life. In that way, by using the word "slut", even in a consensual manner, the objectifying and shaming of women is perpetuated, as the participants are either excited by applying the label to their partner, or are excited about acting in a manner she knows is normally frowned upon. Why should a woman be negatively morally judged for enjoying an active sex life, when a male acting in the same manner is morally promoted? Real equality comes when a woman is free to enjoy sex like a man, without any moral judgements. As for those who have been rather aggressive in their defence of the use of the word "slut", I would ask this.... if the word is unisex or of little consequence in the 21st century, why do you all hide your sexual activities from wider society? Isn't it time you all came out the closet and where public about your swinging? Or is it that you're afraid that society will take a dim view. Not so much of you gents, but your female partners who you love to call your "slut" wife? Is it not the case that it is your fear of public shaming, which keeps you closeted and secretive about your activities? The fear both you and your female partners have of society looking on negatively to your activities, THAT is the power of "slut shaming", and THAT is why the word should never be socially acceptable. | |||
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"Looks like I've stumbled into psueds corner on fab Classy and has avoid written all over it...we enjoyed reading the debate, where there are strongly held views. Why waste electrons with this negative, dismissive and, quite frankly, arrogant statement? Well if we're being frank, I find it rather arrogant for individuals to take it upon themselves to state what society as a whole thinks of the word." Which word and who? | |||
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" This thread is a great filter *smug face*. " As is a comment of this style. I have no time for a man without the intellectual abilities to debate a topic without judgement upon the debator. The greatest sex organ is the mind. Not the genitalia. | |||
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"Looks like I've stumbled into psueds corner on fab Classy and has avoid written all over it...we enjoyed reading the debate, where there are strongly held views. Why waste electrons with this negative, dismissive and, quite frankly, arrogant statement? Well if we're being frank, I find it rather arrogant for individuals to take it upon themselves to state what society as a whole thinks of the word. Which word and who?" Well I thought it was still "slut" that was being discussed and various posters have stated how general society views the word. How do you view the use of wanker or cunt? Not that uncommon to hear them used in the wider society so what's your take on them? | |||
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"Well if we're being frank, I find it rather arrogant for individuals to take it upon themselves to state what society as a whole thinks of the word." It isn't arrogance. We know what society as a whole thinks of a word. Thanks to dictionaries. Why are you being aggressive simply because people choose to debate the use of the word "slut"? | |||
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"I prefer the French word “putain”...but that’s probably because my French is quite poor..." I thought it was "salope". However, my knowledge of French isn't much better. In my opinion, the German "schlampe" sounds much worse. | |||
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"How do you view the use of wanker or cunt? Not that uncommon to hear them used in the wider society so what's your take on them?" Neither the word wanker or cunt are gender specific in use, and neither word has a negative moral judgement attached to it that is specific to only one sex. There is no comparison with the word "slut" | |||
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"I prefer the French word “putain”...but that’s probably because my French is quite poor... I thought it was "salope". However, my knowledge of French isn't much better. In my opinion, the German "schlampe" sounds much worse. " Excellent riposte...putain is probably better translated as whore or possibly tart or somewhere in between ...BUT we’re discussing slut so let’s ignore this linguistic development...AND the accuracy or otherwise of our translations...back to the OP’s original intention. Yours from Pseud’s Corner, The Twatiest Twat | |||
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"How do you view the use of wanker or cunt? Not that uncommon to hear them used in the wider society so what's your take on them? Neither the word wanker or cunt are gender specific in use, and neither word has a negative moral judgement attached to it that is specific to only one sex. There is no comparison with the word "slut"" Actually if you look at Cambridge Dictionary it defines wanker as "a very stupid or unpleasant person, usually a man" so arguably it is gender specific. | |||
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"Congrats to the OP for stringing this out to over 150 posts. Who would have thought one little word would cause such a spouting of intellectual hot air. Looks like I've stumbled into psueds corner on fab Has she deliberately strung it out? Or are people just naturally enjoying the discussion? I’m sure people wouldn’t have contributed if they weren’t interested. Mrs Exactly...I mean...who'd have thought that people would actually DISAGREE about the implications of using the word 'slut' in a sexual context?! I mean...next you'll be telling me that some people on Fab are critical of certain aspects of BDSM... " Like my owned slut collar ? | |||
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"It’s simple! If I call the Mrs a slut it’s ok!! Anyone else not ok The end Its a discussion. Not an argument " Quite concerned you didn’t realise I was messing around | |||
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"It doesn’t bother me but I do prefer dirty bitch " | |||
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"In my view the word slut has more than the dictionary definition of a woman who has slept with a lot of men, it also commonly carries with it a broader derogatory sense - lack of class, badly dressed, indiscriminate in her choice of sexual partner, liable to intoxication, lacking in self-control, amoral in her promiscuity (cheating/adultery etc) the kind of woman who throws herself at other people's husbands ...all of that and more. It implies moral bankruptcy not simple sexual appetite! There is certainly nowhere near a male equivalent - womaniser is no comparison!" EXACTLY!!! | |||
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