FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > need advice please
need advice please
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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ok so i have been on here a while now and toying with the idea of bringing my gf into this. (i have never met anyone from here - only talked) ive been with gf about 7 years now so im wondering should i approach her or just leave things the way they are? obviously i want to stay with her but i like the idea of safe casual fun. any advice?  |
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"Does she know you're on here already. If not how will She react when she finds out you've been "swinging" without her for the past year. "
does just being on here without meeting anyone make you a swinger ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does she know you're on here already. If not how will She react when she finds out you've been "swinging" without her for the past year. does just being on here without meeting anyone make you a swinger ?"
Probably not, however having the intent to do so (as stated in the OPs profile) may present an issue to his partner. |
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Be straight with her. Tell her it's been a fantasy of yours for a while and you joined Fab to take a look and see if it was something you wanted to take further. Now that you've sussed it out, you want to open it up to her.
Give her full access to your account for a few days to take it all in and see what she thinks. If it's not for her and she's not left you then you obviously have the choice of either closing your account and hoping your relationship is still intact or carrying on without her blessing.
If you've not done anything beyond chatting then you still have the option of bailing out and closing your profile. Joining as a single male without your partners consent and actively soliciting sex with others is never a good look so I wish you well! |
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OP we don't know your GF so it is very difficult to give you advice. It is something you have to decide for yourself.
Has she ever shown any interest at all in bringing others into the bedroom? Do you talk openly about your fantasies?
If not then I would leave well alone as you may damage your relationship. She could also be very pissed off that you are on here without her knowledge even if you haven't met anyone. |
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I’d prepare for some questions and you’re going to have to work hard at convincing her you haven’t met anyone.
If you get past that I’d be wanting to know what possessed you during our 7 year relationship to have a secret online account on a swingers site. And how long? You won’t be able to prove that either btw.
If she’s still talking to you she’ll probably want to see messages you sent and received. If you delete them all the trust has gone down another level again. If you haven’t deleted what will it show her? I’m guessing at best exchanging pics and messages with other women and possible attempts to meet.
If you were my bf I’d have your balls extracted, glued and glittered and hung from the high branches of the xmas tree. How would you feel if she introduced you to same in reverse and would you believe her  |
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Sounds like you don’t have much of a relationship anyhow. Just tell her the truth and let fate take it’s course. I’d imagine if she had a secret profile on here and was supposedly not meeting anyone, you’d be pissed off. Time to man up and decide what you really want. Tough decisions ahead, good luck.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thanks for taking the time to share your thoughs everyone, mixed views obviously so thinking hat on haha our relationship is good for those that are curious, still lovey dovey, go out for meals, nights in etc, maybe it is just a fantasy so to say for me? I guess what im trying to say is that everyone likes sex so aslong as you are safe, why not have it with other people also, different sizes, different routines etc etc, she has always been open to suggestions and that sexual, this is just the 1st time ive thought about bringing in new people for both of us? i have never cheated on her either. i hope im making sense haha |
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Our opinion is that she might well be open to the idea of the swinging scene. However. when she reads your profile she's gonna hit the f'kin roof, then probably you, then the road. Your profile has been on over a year and it reads that you want to cheat on her and actively advertising the fact, not good, seriously. Add the fact that the truth will out in the end, means that at some point you're gonna be discovered, resulting in same outcome.
Solution? Delete this single profile and set up a new couples profile. Then broach the subject with her soon after 'hey someone told me about this site' and show her the newly set up page and it should be as if you're discovering it together. This is the approach you should have started with, but at the moment it's not too late to turn things around. Take it from experience, you need to deal with it one way or another, and it does help to clear your consience of it.
Doing it the right way together will probably mark a new chapter in your relationship.
Best of luck |
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"thanks for taking the time to share your thoughs everyone, mixed views obviously so thinking hat on haha our relationship is good for those that are curious, still lovey dovey, go out for meals, nights in etc, maybe it is just a fantasy so to say for me? I guess what im trying to say is that everyone likes sex so aslong as you are safe, why not have it with other people also, different sizes, different routines etc etc, she has always been open to suggestions and that sexual, this is just the 1st time ive thought about bringing in new people for both of us? i have never cheated on her either. i hope im making sense haha "
Leave aside the fact that you already have a profile. Loads of men and women in otherwise satisfactory relationships do.
The only way you are going to find out if your partner is interested in swinging is to ask her. Tell her that you love her whatever her answer then say that it's always been a fantasy of yours and you'd love it if she would consider it. Answer any questions or worries she has openly and honestly. Allow dialogue instead of just saying "of course not" to any concerns she has. Even if she says no you might find that it opens up a new era of openess in your relationship.
Personally I suggest that you delete your profile and leave it deleted even if she says no but that's your call. |
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"Our opinion is that she might well be open to the idea of the swinging scene. However. when she reads your profile she's gonna hit the f'kin roof, then probably you, then the road. Your profile has been on over a year and it reads that you want to cheat on her and actively advertising the fact, not good, seriously. Add the fact that the truth will out in the end, means that at some point you're gonna be discovered, resulting in same outcome.
Solution? Delete this single profile and set up a new couples profile. Then broach the subject with her soon after 'hey someone told me about this site' and show her the newly set up page and it should be as if you're discovering it together. This is the approach you should have started with, but at the moment it's not too late to turn things around. Take it from experience, you need to deal with it one way or another, and it does help to clear your consience of it.
Doing it the right way together will probably mark a new chapter in your relationship.
Best of luck "
I wouldn't advocate setting up a couples profile without her knowledge. That could be extremely hurtful. |
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"Our opinion is that she might well be open to the idea of the swinging scene. However. when she reads your profile she's gonna hit the f'kin roof, then probably you, then the road. Your profile has been on over a year and it reads that you want to cheat on her and actively advertising the fact, not good, seriously. Add the fact that the truth will out in the end, means that at some point you're gonna be discovered, resulting in same outcome.
Solution? Delete this single profile and set up a new couples profile. Then broach the subject with her soon after 'hey someone told me about this site' and show her the newly set up page and it should be as if you're discovering it together. This is the approach you should have started with, but at the moment it's not too late to turn things around. Take it from experience, you need to deal with it one way or another, and it does help to clear your consience of it.
Doing it the right way together will probably mark a new chapter in your relationship.
Best of luck
I wouldn't advocate setting up a couples profile without her knowledge. That could be extremely hurtful."
I agree, it could also backfire on you.
I came to fab when a BF suggested it. He decided it wasn't for him and I decided to stay and set up a singles profile  |
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"Our opinion is that she might well be open to the idea of the swinging scene. However. when she reads your profile she's gonna hit the f'kin roof, then probably you, then the road. Your profile has been on over a year and it reads that you want to cheat on her and actively advertising the fact, not good, seriously. Add the fact that the truth will out in the end, means that at some point you're gonna be discovered, resulting in same outcome.
Solution? Delete this single profile and set up a new couples profile. Then broach the subject with her soon after 'hey someone told me about this site' and show her the newly set up page and it should be as if you're discovering it together. This is the approach you should have started with, but at the moment it's not too late to turn things around. Take it from experience, you need to deal with it one way or another, and it does help to clear your consience of it.
Doing it the right way together will probably mark a new chapter in your relationship.
Best of luck
I wouldn't advocate setting up a couples profile without her knowledge. That could be extremely hurtful."
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"Be straight with her. Tell her it's been a fantasy of yours for a while and you joined Fab to take a look and see if it was something you wanted to take further. Now that you've sussed it out, you want to open it up to her.
Give her full access to your account for a few days to take it all in and see what she thinks. If it's not for her and she's not left you then you obviously have the choice of either closing your account and hoping your relationship is still intact or carrying on without her blessing.
If you've not done anything beyond chatting then you still have the option of bailing out and closing your profile. Joining as a single male without your partners consent and actively soliciting sex with others is never a good look so I wish you well! "
Letting her on fab with all the fruit cakes on here would be the easiest way to put her off swinging. "Look babe, if you create a single female profile you'll get 500 dick pictures and 'hi' messages in a day".
No! Take her to a club would be the best starting point. No need to tell her it's a swinging club, she'll figure it out eventually. |
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"Our opinion is that she might well be open to the idea of the swinging scene. However. when she reads your profile she's gonna hit the f'kin roof, then probably you, then the road. Your profile has been on over a year and it reads that you want to cheat on her and actively advertising the fact, not good, seriously. Add the fact that the truth will out in the end, means that at some point you're gonna be discovered, resulting in same outcome.
Solution? Delete this single profile and set up a new couples profile. Then broach the subject with her soon after 'hey someone told me about this site' and show her the newly set up page and it should be as if you're discovering it together. This is the approach you should have started with, but at the moment it's not too late to turn things around. Take it from experience, you need to deal with it one way or another, and it does help to clear your consience of it.
Doing it the right way together will probably mark a new chapter in your relationship.
Best of luck
I wouldn't advocate setting up a couples profile without her knowledge. That could be extremely hurtful.
"
Guess you're completely missing the blindingly obvious point that he is in a 7 year relationship and has been advertising solo meets for over a year on a single profile, behind his GFs back we would suggest that you read his profile and ask which would be more hurtful to read, the current one or a new blank one that includes them both.
You need to make a profile to view the site which would explain having a profile, and obviously it would be a couples profile if he was to include his girlfriend and show her the site.
Thinking it through |
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"Our opinion is that she might well be open to the idea of the swinging scene. However. when she reads your profile she's gonna hit the f'kin roof, then probably you, then the road. Your profile has been on over a year and it reads that you want to cheat on her and actively advertising the fact, not good, seriously. Add the fact that the truth will out in the end, means that at some point you're gonna be discovered, resulting in same outcome.
Solution? Delete this single profile and set up a new couples profile. Then broach the subject with her soon after 'hey someone told me about this site' and show her the newly set up page and it should be as if you're discovering it together. This is the approach you should have started with, but at the moment it's not too late to turn things around. Take it from experience, you need to deal with it one way or another, and it does help to clear your consience of it.
Doing it the right way together will probably mark a new chapter in your relationship.
Best of luck
I wouldn't advocate setting up a couples profile without her knowledge. That could be extremely hurtful.
Guess you're completely missing the blindingly obvious point that he is in a 7 year relationship and has been advertising solo meets for over a year on a single profile, behind his GFs back we would suggest that you read his profile and ask which would be more hurtful to read, the current one or a new blank one that includes them both.
You need to make a profile to view the site which would explain having a profile, and obviously it would be a couples profile if he was to include his girlfriend and show her the site.
Thinking it through "
Nope, haven't missed it. I was advising on future actions not past. If you read my previous post I suggested he deleted his single profile. |
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"Does she know you're on here already. If not how will She react when she finds out you've been "swinging" without her for the past year.
does just being on here without meeting anyone make you a swinger ?"
My thoughts as well x |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"Our opinion is that she might well be open to the idea of the swinging scene. However. when she reads your profile she's gonna hit the f'kin roof, then probably you, then the road. Your profile has been on over a year and it reads that you want to cheat on her and actively advertising the fact, not good, seriously. Add the fact that the truth will out in the end, means that at some point you're gonna be discovered, resulting in same outcome.
Solution? Delete this single profile and set up a new couples profile. Then broach the subject with her soon after 'hey someone told me about this site' and show her the newly set up page and it should be as if you're discovering it together. This is the approach you should have started with, but at the moment it's not too late to turn things around. Take it from experience, you need to deal with it one way or another, and it does help to clear your consience of it.
Doing it the right way together will probably mark a new chapter in your relationship.
Best of luck
I wouldn't advocate setting up a couples profile without her knowledge. That could be extremely hurtful.
Guess you're completely missing the blindingly obvious point that he is in a 7 year relationship and has been advertising solo meets for over a year on a single profile, behind his GFs back we would suggest that you read his profile and ask which would be more hurtful to read, the current one or a new blank one that includes them both.
You need to make a profile to view the site which would explain having a profile, and obviously it would be a couples profile if he was to include his girlfriend and show her the site.
Thinking it through "
This actually makes sense. A blank couples profile with no pictures and text saying "just having a look, will fill in later when we know what we want" will show the wife that you're just curious about something new. Still a lie but easier to swallow I think.
You've got to remember that the swinging world is based on trust. At a later time, you might experiment with blindfolds, being tied up or even supervising a gang bang. But if she can't trust you with something relatively small like telling her how you feel about something, I don't see how she'll be ok with the more "advanced" stuff.
One other thing is that you BOTH should enjoy any activities you take part in.
Good luck anyway, whatever you do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"again thanks for the comments/advice, taking some on board haha please dont get into arguments people, appreciate it "
On the forum people can argue for days about cream on jam, or jam on cream for scones!  |
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"thanks for taking the time to share your thoughs everyone, mixed views obviously so thinking hat on haha our relationship is good for those that are curious, still lovey dovey, go out for meals, nights in etc, maybe it is just a fantasy so to say for me? I guess what im trying to say is that everyone likes sex so aslong as you are safe, why not have it with other people also, different sizes, different routines etc etc, she has always been open to suggestions and that sexual, this is just the 1st time ive thought about bringing in new people for both of us? i have never cheated on her either. i hope im making sense haha "
Think of the worst that could happen your girlfriend loves it on here and dumps you or meets someone else. Still worth doing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks for taking the time to share your thoughs everyone, mixed views obviously so thinking hat on haha our relationship is good for those that are curious, still lovey dovey, go out for meals, nights in etc, maybe it is just a fantasy so to say for me? I guess what im trying to say is that everyone likes sex so aslong as you are safe, why not have it with other people also, different sizes, different routines etc etc, she has always been open to suggestions and that sexual, this is just the 1st time ive thought about bringing in new people for both of us? i have never cheated on her either. i hope im making sense haha
Think of the worst that could happen your girlfriend loves it on here and dumps you or meets someone else. Still worth doing?"
Surely that applies to all couples? |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"again thanks for the comments/advice, taking some on board haha please dont get into arguments people, appreciate it
On the forum people can argue for days about cream on jam, or jam on cream for scones! "
Always jam first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"again thanks for the comments/advice, taking some on board haha please dont get into arguments people, appreciate it
On the forum people can argue for days about cream on jam, or jam on cream for scones!
Always jam first. "
Pathetic, it's got to be cream......... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok so i have been on here a while now and toying with the idea of bringing my gf into this. (i have never met anyone from here - only talked) ive been with gf about 7 years now so im wondering should i approach her or just leave things the way they are? obviously i want to stay with her but i like the idea of safe casual fun. any advice? "
so how long have you been here and not met anyone ? |
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"thanks for taking the time to share your thoughs everyone, mixed views obviously so thinking hat on haha our relationship is good for those that are curious, still lovey dovey, go out for meals, nights in etc, maybe it is just a fantasy so to say for me? I guess what im trying to say is that everyone likes sex so aslong as you are safe, why not have it with other people also, different sizes, different routines etc etc, she has always been open to suggestions and that sexual, this is just the 1st time ive thought about bringing in new people for both of us? i have never cheated on her either. i hope im making sense haha
Think of the worst that could happen your girlfriend loves it on here and dumps you or meets someone else. Still worth doing?
Surely that applies to all couples?"
Of course it does. My partner got dumped cos he didn't like swinging after we joined. I stayed. |
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