FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Advice needed - when someone is too keen?
Advice needed - when someone is too keen?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Damn I deleted by accident.
How do you tell someone that you like, to stop being so keen without offending them?
It happens quite often on here (mainly due to me not liking closeness). I assume it must happen to a lot of other members too.
How do you deal with it, without damaging the friendship? |
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"By being honest from the outset of what you are looking for and not faltering from it  if that starts not working then it's time to have THAT talk honesty is always the best policy "
I agree with this. If terms and conditions for want of a better phrase are agreed from the start its much easier to say "I feel that we're overstepping the boundary we agreed on where x y or z is concerned can we talk about it".
There's no way to do it that won't leave the other person feeling a little bit miffed and you will need to be prepared to consider compromise. No relationship stays the same and if you want it to you will be disappointed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"By being honest from the outset of what you are looking for and not faltering from it if that starts not working then it's time to have THAT talk honesty is always the best policy "
I am honest right from the outset (not to mention that this site isn’t a dating site). But it still seems to happen.
You’re probably right about having the talk, It’s a shame because I like these people and would enjoy staying in touch. But I suppose I can’t have it both ways if they aren’t on the same page. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP how did you get into this situation? What behaviour from your friend is bothering you?
Mrs"
Well, it’s a few different situations but all happened the same way. Met on here, then met in person. And then after meeting in person suddenly the frequency of the messages increase and there seems a sudden urgency to everything. Which I find hard to deal with. It’s like dating, which is deffo not what I’m here for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP how did you get into this situation? What behaviour from your friend is bothering you?
Mrs
Well, it’s a few different situations but all happened the same way. Met on here, then met in person. And then after meeting in person suddenly the frequency of the messages increase and there seems a sudden urgency to everything. Which I find hard to deal with. It’s like dating, which is deffo not what I’m here for."
I guess she’s sort of ‘fallen’ for you. It happens. One day you might do the same for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. Try and pull back to keep it on an even keel. Give her a chance to keep her pride though. If that doesn’t work I guess you’ll have to tell her which could be awakened all round.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP how did you get into this situation? What behaviour from your friend is bothering you?
Mrs
Well, it’s a few different situations but all happened the same way. Met on here, then met in person. And then after meeting in person suddenly the frequency of the messages increase and there seems a sudden urgency to everything. Which I find hard to deal with. It’s like dating, which is deffo not what I’m here for."
Maybe just tell people you want to fuck and go?
Then everyone knows where they stand
Easy really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does this happen to others on here too?"
Yes both my husband and I have had people who are a bit too keen. And I’ve been guilty of being too keen to. We’re all only human. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP how did you get into this situation? What behaviour from your friend is bothering you?
Mrs
Well, it’s a few different situations but all happened the same way. Met on here, then met in person. And then after meeting in person suddenly the frequency of the messages increase and there seems a sudden urgency to everything. Which I find hard to deal with. It’s like dating, which is deffo not what I’m here for.
Maybe just tell people you want to fuck and go?
Then everyone knows where they stand
Easy really"
I think it’s nice to have a half-way house. That does mean there is a risk of emotions developing. We regard it as an occupational hazard, but worth it.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does this happen to others on here too?"
Yes, it's only natural that some people are going to have or develop different expectations.
In my experience as long as you've been honest throughout in what you actually say and the signals you send then you can usually find a way of backing it off without bruising someone. |
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I would suggest that you leave it some time to reply and hope that the delay shows where you want things to be at. I was going to say you could explain in your profile, but I see you say about being in a relationship so you’d think that would deter people.
Maybe you’re just an irresistible person and everyone wants a piece. I know I’m the same it’s such a burden  |
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Some can have sex and feel nothing for the other person, others can't. Some think they're stone cold and will never catch feelings, then fall head over heels for someone they thought was "just a bit of fun" completely unexpectedly, it happens. If you're the one without feelings, just make sure you're careful with theirs  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just tell them to back off emotionally mentally as it's getting suffocating. If they genuinely like you they won't get all bent out of shape and respect it.
If they get all gnarly and stroppy then just ghost them completely as it's clear it will be a pain in the ass and stress not within dealing with in the long run .
That's my view anyway. |
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"Just tell them to back off emotionally mentally as it's getting suffocating. If they genuinely like you they won't get all bent out of shape and respect it.
If they get all gnarly and stroppy then just ghost them completely as it's clear it will be a pain in the ass and stress not within dealing with in the long run .
That's my view anyway. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some can have sex and feel nothing for the other person, others can't. Some think they're stone cold and will never catch feelings, then fall head over heels for someone they thought was "just a bit of fun" completely unexpectedly, it happens. If you're the one without feelings, just make sure you're careful with theirs "
That is so nice! And true |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would you feel the same way OP if you weren’t in a long term relationship?
Could you possibly be slightly reactive to anyone by thinking they want more...but maybe you’re just a little concerned about your partner finding out?
Are you sure it’s her and not you reacting?
MrsK |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have this problem sometimes. I try and make it clear from the start. If it still happens I just tell them the truth, if they don’t back off I send them a messaging explaining that I am not enjoying the attention, good luck on fab then block, seems to solve the problem x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you feel the same way OP if you weren’t in a long term relationship?
Could you possibly be slightly reactive to anyone by thinking they want more...but maybe you’re just a little concerned about your partner finding out?
Are you sure it’s her and not you reacting?
MrsK "
How can your questions to the OP help him in anyway? He was asking for advice, not the third degree on his relationship status. 
Our advice OP would be to be very honest but tactful. We hope she understands and you can still have a good relationship with her. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you feel the same way OP if you weren’t in a long term relationship?
Could you possibly be slightly reactive to anyone by thinking they want more...but maybe you’re just a little concerned about your partner finding out?
Are you sure it’s her and not you reacting?
MrsK
How can your questions to the OP help him in anyway? He was asking for advice, not the third degree on his relationship status.
Our advice OP would be to be very honest but tactful. We hope she understands and you can still have a good relationship with her. Good luck. "
It wasn’t the 3rd degree in anyway. I have no problem with his relationship everyone has their own reasons for being on here so please don’t assume I’m getting at him.
My simple question was is he sure that she’s getting too close or is he just being a little reactive, it could be that simple.
Honestly why would I judge his relationship status? but then I wouldn’t jump down someone’s neck for their post either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's hard not to be keen sometimes when you like someone. Whether it's just physical or as a fwb or more.
I've been over keen before as I'm sure some reading this will agree. 
It's part of being human and it's hard not to find lines blurring. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's only happened to me quite recently.
One Sunday I was with my family and he rung and text me 6 times within the space of 15 minutes and I had to turn my phone off.
Until I asked him to delete my number and only message me on here.
It got to a stage that if I didn't reply to his message quickly he'd message again and again and again.
I highlighted his behaviour and told him it was creepy and pushy and a massive off put then started ignoring him, which seems to have worked for the moment but it's so annoying when it happens.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you feel the same way OP if you weren’t in a long term relationship?
Could you possibly be slightly reactive to anyone by thinking they want more...but maybe you’re just a little concerned about your partner finding out?
Are you sure it’s her and not you reacting?
MrsK
How can your questions to the OP help him in anyway? He was asking for advice, not the third degree on his relationship status.
Our advice OP would be to be very honest but tactful. We hope she understands and you can still have a good relationship with her. Good luck.
It wasn’t the 3rd degree in anyway. I have no problem with his relationship everyone has their own reasons for being on here so please don’t assume I’m getting at him.
My simple question was is he sure that she’s getting too close or is he just being a little reactive, it could be that simple.
Honestly why would I judge his relationship status? but then I wouldn’t jump down someone’s neck for their post either."
Fair enough. We only very politely replied on how we read it. Everyone is different and opinions are open to different interpretation which can only be a good thing. It is what keeps the forums interesting  |
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