FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > A Simple Request

A Simple Request

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

(Tongue in Cheek, unless you have somewhere else I can put it….?)

In the interest of me being lazy and in the time honoured tradition of single men everywhere I have devised a cunning plan! Aha I hear you cry, but what cunning plan is this? I do not message people directly (will you stop banging on about that Paul, we get it already). However I am suffering a deficit of attention (in effect I have attention deficit disorder, please note I am not hyperactive, I am unattractive, there is a difference, for reference youtube, Mad Lizzie for the former and a baboons arse for the latter, got it? Great, let’s move on).

As sending vast quantities of messages to anyone with a pulse is both time consuming and dull, I have decided to message said members (i.e. those with a pulse), on the forums to attract their attention. This plan will obviously succeed (it’s my plan, all my plans work, accept the one about cheese mining on the moon, transport costs were just too high).

So the message is quite simple

Fancy a Shag?

Now I am sure already the witty responses are building in your oh so delicate minds, and as such I have devised a list of responses I will not entertain (in other words I have read your minds, fear me, no really, fear me!)

1. “Yes but not with you” – Unacceptable, I am the only single man on the site, aren’t I?

2. “Yes, but we are nowhere near the coast” – Unacceptable, bird Jokes were banned 3 months ago by admin

3. “Yes, and afterwards can we do the Mash Potato” – Unacceptable, It’s “Strictly” season folks, let Bruce do the dance jokes

4. “Yes, do you have any rolling papers” – Unacceptable, Smoking is outlawed in public places in the UK , FAB is a designated non-smoking area

5. “Yes, but we could only afford nylon” – Unacceptable, I do not wish to hear your carpet based woes

So once again and for the hard of hearing (or slow of pulse),

“Would you perchance entertain the idea of a possible meeting to indulge in an act of sexual intercourse at a time convenient to you and in a location of mutual consent that could bring about such intense physical responses as to be describes as “mildly orgasmic”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

god loves a tryer ,

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Now then... if that was in my *ahem* inbox I might be drawn to giving it a 5 with a slight adjustment that we have a mixture of ceramic, laminate and 100% wool carpet (all separate rooms of course) throughout

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

ok i'm lost

got the fancy a shag bit so will answer that

yes

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"ok i'm lost

got the fancy a shag bit so will answer that

yes

Why is it that all the people that would like to shag me live in the Midlands?? Eh, whats going on its a conspiracy, if I move there, all the people in Devon will want to shag me..... You are doing this on purpose, tease the newbie, right?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Make some adjustments to No 4 and I might consider it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"ok i'm lost

got the fancy a shag bit so will answer that

yes

Not teasing

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By *ensualfire88Man over a year ago

Edinburgh

That's one helluva cock.

I've seen smaller beasts than that wearing a saddle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"ok i'm lost

got the fancy a shag bit so will answer that

yes

Not teasing

aw shucks

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By *elsh_lass74Woman over a year ago

South Wales

YES

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"YES

I have hit upon a system.....Yay me!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"YES

I have hit upon a system.....Yay me!

That's four yes's(so far) you are through to bootcamp. Location: The Midlands

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"YES

I have hit upon a system.....Yay me!

That's four yes's(so far) you are through to bootcamp. Location: The Midlands

Cor! can I bring my own duvet set? Thomas the tank engine gets lonely if I leaves him back in Devon

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"YES

I have hit upon a system.....Yay me!

That's four yes's(so far) you are through to bootcamp. Location: The Midlands

Cor! can I bring my own duvet set? Thomas the tank engine gets lonely if I leaves him back in Devon

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"YES

I have hit upon a system.....Yay me!

That's four yes's(so far) you are through to bootcamp. Location: The Midlands

Cor! can I bring my own duvet set? Thomas the tank engine gets lonely if I leaves him back in Devon"

Trust me, leaving that back in Devon is a good tip I have to give you

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"YES

I have hit upon a system.....Yay me!

That's four yes's(so far) you are through to bootcamp. Location: The Midlands

Cor! can I bring my own duvet set? Thomas the tank engine gets lonely if I leaves him back in Devon

Trust me, leaving that back in Devon is a good tip I have to give you

I've blown it haven't I?........sigh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"YES

I have hit upon a system.....Yay me!

That's four yes's(so far) you are through to bootcamp. Location: The Midlands

Cor! can I bring my own duvet set? Thomas the tank engine gets lonely if I leaves him back in Devon

Trust me, leaving that back in Devon is a good tip I have to give you

I've blown it haven't I?........sigh"

It's me that does the blowing

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

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By *lackboaWoman over a year ago

greenock

i live by the coast.....if thats any help....you could sail here

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"i live by the coast.....if thats any help....you could sail here

Use me duvet as a sail, now what can I use as a mast........

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

if you ever make it up north i'd be delighted to!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"if you ever make it up north i'd be delighted to!

Oh this is just too cruel.......I am so living in the worng part of the country.....(shakes fist at the sky) "Damn you Shags!"

P xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Howwah man, you've got Gonzo and the perfectly balanced nads and you STILL want more attention?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Howwah man, you've got Gonzo and the perfectly balanced nads and you STILL want more attention?

I have told you so many times, stay out of my threads....... Gonzo is private (as you well know) and the symmetry of my testicles is an accident of nature (and three long years with tiny lead weights), now move along isn't Eldon Square open?

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

My answer is yes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

arrr eh this isn't on! does this now mean i've got to share you?

we're going to have to draw up a rota at this rate

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Howwah man, you've got Gonzo and the perfectly balanced nads and you STILL want more attention?

Dunno Im watching the muppet show on telly.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Howwah man, you've got Gonzo and the perfectly balanced nads and you STILL want more attention?

Dunno Im watching the muppet show on telly.....

oh cheers now i've got the theme tune stuck in my head

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By *lackboaWoman over a year ago

greenock

bouncy......you can have my share...he'll never make it this far north with a duvet for a sail

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dunno Im watching the muppet show on telly.....

oh cheers now i've got the theme tune stuck in my head

fnaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr! Divvent sing it to Pauly he'll explode

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By *habsMan over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"ok i'm lost

got the fancy a shag bit so will answer that

yes

You're quite right there,

I was in London for 10+ years - can count the number of meets I ad on one hand (with fingers to spare,... and I could accomodate in alush 2-bed flat with own kitchen plus balcony and private parking).

Heard there were people just outside the M25, so I moved.... and my meet count dropped (as if it could get less) to 40% of what it was! In the meantime, there's been an influx of women in London gagging to explore this "swinging" malarky (I'm sure I could oblige as chaperon

)

So, I'm heading back in a few weeks to the confines of the M25... I bet they all upsticks and fuck off to somewhere like Cumbria,... or disappear altogther

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"bouncy......you can have my share...he'll never make it this far north with a duvet for a sail

why thankyou my dear

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dunno Im watching the muppet show on telly.....

oh cheers now i've got the theme tune stuck in my head

fnaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr! Divvent sing it to Pauly he'll explode

hmmmm an exploding pauly that could be a sight to behold

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago