FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Sub or dom?
Sub or dom?
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"I'm Dom and OP I'd bend you over a peg you hard with a large 9 inch strap on!" If he backs out kate , can i fill the vacancy please 
Or do i need to get on all four's and beg?  x x | |||
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"I'm Dom and OP I'd bend you over a peg you hard with a large 9 inch strap on!" Break the lucky bigger in gently lol | |||
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'I'm looking for a dom'. Seems to me your looking for someone to dio all the work.
I'm not submissive at all. There's only one women I could have let her have my way with me, and she cleverly got in my head, and that's what it's about isn't. People are truly dominating, some are just playing a part. | |||
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"Aren't subs just people who are lazy during sex?
'I'm looking for a dom'. Seems to me your looking for someone to dio all the work.
I'm not submissive at all. There's only one women I could have let her have my way with me, and she cleverly got in my head, and that's what it's about isn't. People are truly dominating, some are just playing a part. "Lazy ?! Are you kidding ? Speaking as a sub I feel we’re anything BUT lazy. You could argue some lack imagination and therefore rely on a Domme to take all the initiative. But lazy ? Fuck no ! | |||
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"Neither. There seems such an obsession with these two traits nowadays. As though, this is all it comes down to with regard to sex. Porn has a lot to answer for. " Porn has nothing to answer, everyone knows that 50 Shades of Grey is to blame and not the easy access of information from the internet | |||
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"If OP doesn’t agree to that I’m definitely willing to step in..." Feel free to step on in my friend | |||
"Sub all the way "Then what are you waiting for. I expect you at mine in 2 hours | |||
"If OP doesn’t agree to that I’m definitely willing to step in... Feel free to step on in my friend" A true Dom wants to step in, on your friend.  | |||
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"Neither. There seems such an obsession with these two traits nowadays. As though, this is all it comes down to with regard to sex. Porn has a lot to answer for. " Some of us have evolved into such states. I find it erotic to be dominated. However, I'm naturally sub with very few men. | |||
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exploring as both have kinky / dirty minds. Also looking to explore this more with a cpl or dom fem | |||
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"S and I are both switches which makes it fun as we can play around with different scenarios! "My type of couple , perfect x x | |||
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"Depends who I'm with, the trust levels etc." This. To be submissive you need to have total trust in the person you're with. | |||
"BDSM, Domme top Vanilla, versatile As for you, I'd tie you up, lightly tease and scratch, then instruct you to please me to at least 5 orgasms" Who exactly would you like to tie up? X x | |||
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"I dont think i identify with either really at the moment. When i first joined here i was very attracted to take charge men and seemed to "play submissive" which whilst i enjoyed it was never natural to me. I have recently been exploring my take charge side but it's mental as well as physical and we seemed to just fall into this dynamic and its a lot of fun! "Willing sub | |||
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"I’m switch, I tend to change depending on my mood and who I’m with and what’s happening around me, sometimes I’ve been known to switch during a scene which can be fun with the right person but confusing with others " I would like this alot, | |||
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"I'm Dom and OP I'd bend you over a peg you hard with a large 9 inch strap on!" Ive just gone sub  | |||
"Oh I happily Top you...would love to see you on your knees begging.... "Id get on my knees and beg for you | |||
"Neither. There seems such an obsession with these two traits nowadays. As though, this is all it comes down to with regard to sex. Porn has a lot to answer for. " Agree 100%. Equality of power/pleasure for me. | |||
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"More sub with guys and dom with girls "What we waiting for | |||
"More sub with guys and dom with girls
What we waiting for "Haha good answer !  | |||
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"I am Dom by personality but in bed it depends on womans choice how far that goes. Dominating a woman who does not enjoy it is abuse not pleasure. A lot of dangerious bullshit gets said about D/S activaty on here. If guys (mainly) dont actually understand the subject they really should avoid it and not try it without training first. Its a mental activaty not a physical one at its core." With the exception of the comment about abuse, with respect I entirely disagree with your comments. I am always wary of advice from 'natural doms'. The way people practise bdsm is entirely down to them. Some people prefer the physical element to the mental, others want purely mental. There is only individual preference and not an unwritten rule of the mix between physical and mental. BDSM can be dangerous if you indulge in physical activities without training. However most people practise bdsm without training. I doubt many people who you see in pictures on this site with a flogger have undergone training (e.g Kabunza' s workshop). As for the rope there are pictures in people's profiles with some dangerous knots, but most people muddle on without a problem, happy with what they doing. Also I find the continual knocking of stereotypes of male doms by other male 'doms' as some strange one upmanship. I went on a rope and psychology workshop which was enlightening. In my view it is more constructive to confront someone who is doing something wrong than criticising some vague stereotype. I find kink a learning process, I learn about myself and people everytime I engage in it. I wince when I think of the bondage I performed before I knew it was kinky and before I knew there was a structured and safe way to do bondage. I think that goes for subs as well not knowing the safe way. This is because unless one is lucky to have a good mentor or lucks into the right information it takes time to find out how to do things safely. Secondly OP assumes that no one likes what these stereotype doms. However even boy racers have their fans who appreciate them. So yes it should be safe, sane or risk aware, but I am not sure how many people who call themselves sub and dom are aware of all of the risks. Therefore provided it is consensual kink we should work to educate people on safety not criticise them. Otherwise let people enjoy themselves. It is about fun. | |||
"More sub with guys and dom with girls
What we waiting for
Haha good answer ! "I like to please.. | |||
"I’m dom for the most part, especially with my current playmate. I like to switch it up from time to time, I especially have a kink for being sub to a beautiful mature woman. Played sub with my playmate over the weekend but it always ends up with me being teased to the point I snap back control and ravage her. No complaints so far lol" Sounds perfect x | |||
"I am Dom by personality but in bed it depends on womans choice how far that goes. Dominating a woman who does not enjoy it is abuse not pleasure. A lot of dangerious bullshit gets said about D/S activaty on here. If guys (mainly) dont actually understand the subject they really should avoid it and not try it without training first. Its a mental activaty not a physical one at its core." Oh indeed! My playmate is the perfect Dom ....and yet he didn’t even really know how good he is lol....a natural....almost every single conversation we have has me melting into submission.....it is like he has some sort of mind control over me ha ha | |||
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"It would take a unique woman (who I hope to find one day) to make me truly sub. I don’t think I’ve truly felt like I have submitted to anyone. I wouldn’t call myself a natural dom, I just tend to get a bit animalistic in the throws of it with the right person and enjoy both people switching to and from as we get lost in an evening of enjoying eachothers bodies to the fullest..... Got lost in my thoughts there for a moment!" If you wish to find a woman to submit to....then you are not a natural Dom....you are merely dominant in your play ....or even switch..... but you will never be a natural Dom....that takes a totally different mindset x | |||
"I am Dom by personality but in bed it depends on womans choice how far that goes. Dominating a woman who does not enjoy it is abuse not pleasure. A lot of dangerious bullshit gets said about D/S activaty on here. If guys (mainly) dont actually understand the subject they really should avoid it and not try it without training first. Its a mental activaty not a physical one at its core. With the exception of the comment about abuse, with respect I entirely disagree with your comments. I am always wary of advice from 'natural doms'. The way people practise bdsm is entirely down to them. Some people prefer the physical element to the mental, others want purely mental. There is only individual preference and not an unwritten rule of the mix between physical and mental. BDSM can be dangerous if you indulge in physical activities without training. However most people practise bdsm without training. I doubt many people who you see in pictures on this site with a flogger have undergone training (e.g Kabunza' s workshop). As for the rope there are pictures in people's profiles with some dangerous knots, but most people muddle on without a problem, happy with what they doing. Also I find the continual knocking of stereotypes of male doms by other male 'doms' as some strange one upmanship. I went on a rope and psychology workshop which was enlightening. In my view it is more constructive to confront someone who is doing something wrong than criticising some vague stereotype. I find kink a learning process, I learn about myself and people everytime I engage in it. I wince when I think of the bondage I performed before I knew it was kinky and before I knew there was a structured and safe way to do bondage. I think that goes for subs as well not knowing the safe way. This is because unless one is lucky to have a good mentor or lucks into the right information it takes time to find out how to do things safely. Secondly OP assumes that no one likes what these stereotype doms. However even boy racers have their fans who appreciate them. So yes it should be safe, sane or risk aware, but I am not sure how many people who call themselves sub and dom are aware of all of the risks. Therefore provided it is consensual kink we should work to educate people on safety not criticise them. Otherwise let people enjoy themselves. It is about fun." Ok to clarify,as i completly accept and agree with the above. First i am Dom personality trate not a man born with a riding crop in his hand! Your point on critcism yes appologies its not fair to lump everyone together and yes people have to learn somehow.(porn is not likely the best place for that) Its born out of concern mind as you say i have seen and read some fairly hair rasing stuff on here and I am bold! BDSM and Sub/Dom are NOT the same things mind you and it is simply my oppinion that the mental element in sub/Dom is the more powerful. Finally yes Fun is the point and I stand by my statment about abuse mutuality is fun selfishness is oppression. | |||
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"I am Dom by personality but in bed it depends on womans choice how far that goes. Dominating a woman who does not enjoy it is abuse not pleasure. A lot of dangerious bullshit gets said about D/S activaty on here. If guys (mainly) dont actually understand the subject they really should avoid it and not try it without training first. Its a mental activaty not a physical one at its core. With the exception of the comment about abuse, with respect I entirely disagree with your comments. I am always wary of advice from 'natural doms'. The way people practise bdsm is entirely down to them. Some people prefer the physical element to the mental, others want purely mental. There is only individual preference and not an unwritten rule of the mix between physical and mental. BDSM can be dangerous if you indulge in physical activities without training. However most people practise bdsm without training. I doubt many people who you see in pictures on this site with a flogger have undergone training (e.g Kabunza' s workshop). As for the rope there are pictures in people's profiles with some dangerous knots, but most people muddle on without a problem, happy with what they doing. Also I find the continual knocking of stereotypes of male doms by other male 'doms' as some strange one upmanship. I went on a rope and psychology workshop which was enlightening. In my view it is more constructive to confront someone who is doing something wrong than criticising some vague stereotype. I find kink a learning process, I learn about myself and people everytime I engage in it. I wince when I think of the bondage I performed before I knew it was kinky and before I knew there was a structured and safe way to do bondage. I think that goes for subs as well not knowing the safe way. This is because unless one is lucky to have a good mentor or lucks into the right information it takes time to find out how to do things safely. Secondly OP assumes that no one likes what these stereotype doms. However even boy racers have their fans who appreciate them. So yes it should be safe, sane or risk aware, but I am not sure how many people who call themselves sub and dom are aware of all of the risks. Therefore provided it is consensual kink we should work to educate people on safety not criticise them. Otherwise let people enjoy themselves. It is about fun. Ok to clarify,as i completly accept and agree with the above. First i am Dom personality trate not a man born with a riding crop in his hand! Your point on critcism yes appologies its not fair to lump everyone together and yes people have to learn somehow.(porn is not likely the best place for that) Its born out of concern mind as you say i have seen and read some fairly hair rasing stuff on here and I am bold! BDSM and Sub/Dom are NOT the same things mind you and it is simply my oppinion that the mental element in sub/Dom is the more powerful. Finally yes Fun is the point and I stand by my statment about abuse mutuality is fun selfishness is oppression." Thank you for your polite, reasonable and reasoned response. I take on board the point about personality trait and being a natural. I agree with you in regard to abuse. Thank you for engaging positively. | |||
"I don't really do the whole label thing. Im quite sexually agressive at times and I know exactly how to manipulate to get what I want. Even at times when I appear "submissive" Im in control. " I bet | |||
"It would take a unique woman (who I hope to find one day) to make me truly sub. I don’t think I’ve truly felt like I have submitted to anyone. I wouldn’t call myself a natural dom, I just tend to get a bit animalistic in the throws of it with the right person and enjoy both people switching to and from as we get lost in an evening of enjoying eachothers bodies to the fullest..... Got lost in my thoughts there for a moment! If you wish to find a woman to submit to....then you are not a natural Dom....you are merely dominant in your play ....or even switch..... but you will never be a natural Dom....that takes a totally different mindset x" That is what I was trying to express. I’m not truly either and would class my self as a switch. I like the idea of submitting to the right woman, but I couldn’t be a sub all the time. I know I’m not a natural dom but do have dom tendencies sometimes x | |||
"I'm Dom and OP I'd bend you over a peg you hard with a large 9 inch strap on!" Yes please | |||
"I am Dom by personality but in bed it depends on womans choice how far that goes. Dominating a woman who does not enjoy it is abuse not pleasure. A lot of dangerious bullshit gets said about D/S activaty on here. If guys (mainly) dont actually understand the subject they really should avoid it and not try it without training first. Its a mental activaty not a physical one at its core. With the exception of the comment about abuse, with respect I entirely disagree with your comments. I am always wary of advice from 'natural doms'. The way people practise bdsm is entirely down to them. Some people prefer the physical element to the mental, others want purely mental. There is only individual preference and not an unwritten rule of the mix between physical and mental. BDSM can be dangerous if you indulge in physical activities without training. However most people practise bdsm without training. I doubt many people who you see in pictures on this site with a flogger have undergone training (e.g Kabunza' s workshop). As for the rope there are pictures in people's profiles with some dangerous knots, but most people muddle on without a problem, happy with what they doing. Also I find the continual knocking of stereotypes of male doms by other male 'doms' as some strange one upmanship. I went on a rope and psychology workshop which was enlightening. In my view it is more constructive to confront someone who is doing something wrong than criticising some vague stereotype. I find kink a learning process, I learn about myself and people everytime I engage in it. I wince when I think of the bondage I performed before I knew it was kinky and before I knew there was a structured and safe way to do bondage. I think that goes for subs as well not knowing the safe way. This is because unless one is lucky to have a good mentor or lucks into the right information it takes time to find out how to do things safely. Secondly OP assumes that no one likes what these stereotype doms. However even boy racers have their fans who appreciate them. So yes it should be safe, sane or risk aware, but I am not sure how many people who call themselves sub and dom are aware of all of the risks. Therefore provided it is consensual kink we should work to educate people on safety not criticise them. Otherwise let people enjoy themselves. It is about fun. Ok to clarify,as i completly accept and agree with the above. First i am Dom personality trate not a man born with a riding crop in his hand! Your point on critcism yes appologies its not fair to lump everyone together and yes people have to learn somehow.(porn is not likely the best place for that) Its born out of concern mind as you say i have seen and read some fairly hair rasing stuff on here and I am bold! BDSM and Sub/Dom are NOT the same things mind you and it is simply my oppinion that the mental element in sub/Dom is the more powerful. Finally yes Fun is the point and I stand by my statment about abuse mutuality is fun selfishness is oppression. Thank you for your polite, reasonable and reasoned response. I take on board the point about personality trait and being a natural. I agree with you in regard to abuse. Thank you for engaging positively. " | |||
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"BDSM, Domme top Vanilla, versatile As for you, I'd tie you up, lightly tease and scratch, then instruct you to please me to at least 5 orgasms Who exactly would you like to tie up? X x" The OP, but you'll do | |||
"BDSM, Domme top Vanilla, versatile As for you, I'd tie you up, lightly tease and scratch, then instruct you to please me to at least 5 orgasms Who exactly would you like to tie up? X x The OP, but you'll do "Yes please miSTARess
I would like that x x x | |||
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"I am Dom by personality but in bed it depends on womans choice how far that goes. Dominating a woman who does not enjoy it is abuse not pleasure. A lot of dangerious bullshit gets said about D/S activaty on here. If guys (mainly) dont actually understand the subject they really should avoid it and not try it without training first. Its a mental activaty not a physical one at its core. With the exception of the comment about abuse, with respect I entirely disagree with your comments. I am always wary of advice from 'natural doms'. The way people practise bdsm is entirely down to them. Some people prefer the physical element to the mental, others want purely mental. There is only individual preference and not an unwritten rule of the mix between physical and mental. BDSM can be dangerous if you indulge in physical activities without training. However most people practise bdsm without training. I doubt many people who you see in pictures on this site with a flogger have undergone training (e.g Kabunza' s workshop). As for the rope there are pictures in people's profiles with some dangerous knots, but most people muddle on without a problem, happy with what they doing. Also I find the continual knocking of stereotypes of male doms by other male 'doms' as some strange one upmanship. I went on a rope and psychology workshop which was enlightening. In my view it is more constructive to confront someone who is doing something wrong than criticising some vague stereotype. I find kink a learning process, I learn about myself and people everytime I engage in it. I wince when I think of the bondage I performed before I knew it was kinky and before I knew there was a structured and safe way to do bondage. I think that goes for subs as well not knowing the safe way. This is because unless one is lucky to have a good mentor or lucks into the right information it takes time to find out how to do things safely. Secondly OP assumes that no one likes what these stereotype doms. However even boy racers have their fans who appreciate them. So yes it should be safe, sane or risk aware, but I am not sure how many people who call themselves sub and dom are aware of all of the risks. Therefore provided it is consensual kink we should work to educate people on safety not criticise them. Otherwise let people enjoy themselves. It is about fun." I like the way you are absolutely connected to your way of being dom and doing BDSM. I respect that. I also think you're wrong. Not wrong as in doing BDSM wrong, because only you and your partner know about that, but wrong as in putting training delivered by self elected experts at the head of your understanding of how to learn to do BDSM. There is no qualifications body overseeing who offers BDSM training; any charlatan who wants to can call themselves a BDSM guru, and they often do. Those who can do, and those who want to make a quick buck offer to teach. I'm no expert in BDSM - I know what works for me, and every time I go into a BDSM scene, I tell myself there are three rules - do no unwanted harm, don't kill anyone, and don't get arrested. If you need to go on a course to learn simple rules like that, your life has bigger issues than whether you're good at BDSM or not. I get that some people make mistakes with knots, or wield floggers badly. That's not unique to BDSM - straight sex has its own risk hierarchy too. Ultimately, whatever I say, people will have sex that resembles BDSM, driven by the same urges. Some of them will do it badly, or riskily. I'll just make sure they don't have that sex with me, and let them find their own ways. | |||
"Neither. There seems such an obsession with these two traits nowadays. As though, this is all it comes down to with regard to sex. Porn has a lot to answer for. " Hear, hear, this and many other themes as well. | |||
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"I am Dom by personality but in bed it depends on womans choice how far that goes. Dominating a woman who does not enjoy it is abuse not pleasure. A lot of dangerious bullshit gets said about D/S activaty on here. If guys (mainly) dont actually understand the subject they really should avoid it and not try it without training first. Its a mental activaty not a physical one at its core. With the exception of the comment about abuse, with respect I entirely disagree with your comments. I am always wary of advice from 'natural doms'. The way people practise bdsm is entirely down to them. Some people prefer the physical element to the mental, others want purely mental. There is only individual preference and not an unwritten rule of the mix between physical and mental. BDSM can be dangerous if you indulge in physical activities without training. However most people practise bdsm without training. I doubt many people who you see in pictures on this site with a flogger have undergone training (e.g Kabunza' s workshop). As for the rope there are pictures in people's profiles with some dangerous knots, but most people muddle on without a problem, happy with what they doing. Also I find the continual knocking of stereotypes of male doms by other male 'doms' as some strange one upmanship. I went on a rope and psychology workshop which was enlightening. In my view it is more constructive to confront someone who is doing something wrong than criticising some vague stereotype. I find kink a learning process, I learn about myself and people everytime I engage in it. I wince when I think of the bondage I performed before I knew it was kinky and before I knew there was a structured and safe way to do bondage. I think that goes for subs as well not knowing the safe way. This is because unless one is lucky to have a good mentor or lucks into the right information it takes time to find out how to do things safely. Secondly OP assumes that no one likes what these stereotype doms. However even boy racers have their fans who appreciate them. So yes it should be safe, sane or risk aware, but I am not sure how many people who call themselves sub and dom are aware of all of the risks. Therefore provided it is consensual kink we should work to educate people on safety not criticise them. Otherwise let people enjoy themselves. It is about fun. I like the way you are absolutely connected to your way of being dom and doing BDSM. I respect that. I also think you're wrong. Not wrong as in doing BDSM wrong, because only you and your partner know about that, but wrong as in putting training delivered by self elected experts at the head of your understanding of how to learn to do BDSM. There is no qualifications body overseeing who offers BDSM training; any charlatan who wants to can call themselves a BDSM guru, and they often do. Those who can do, and those who want to make a quick buck offer to teach. I'm no expert in BDSM - I know what works for me, and every time I go into a BDSM scene, I tell myself there are three rules - do no unwanted harm, don't kill anyone, and don't get arrested. If you need to go on a course to learn simple rules like that, your life has bigger issues than whether you're good at BDSM or not. I get that some people make mistakes with knots, or wield floggers badly. That's not unique to BDSM - straight sex has its own risk hierarchy too. Ultimately, whatever I say, people will have sex that resembles BDSM, driven by the same urges. Some of them will do it badly, or riskily. I'll just make sure they don't have that sex with me, and let them find their own ways." Thank you for your comments but I would disagree with how you represented my thoughts. I was not saying that people need training to enjoy bdsm, in fact the point I was making was the opposite. A lot of people don't know what they are doing and still enjoy it. However I do believe training can help improve how a person performs physical acts on another. Particularly as I am not sure vanilla sex (except with the passing of disease) has the same ability to cause harm as a number of bdsm acts some of which can't be mentioned on Fab. I had friend who's shoulder was damaged by someone who had not been trained trying a rope suspension on her. The problem is that when starting out it is difficult to know who is safe person. Certainly from a rope perspective knowing someone has been trained by certain riggers can give an amount of comfort. The people I alluded to in regard to training are not self elected but have been asked by many local groups across the country to put on workshops. Last week as an example one of the people was invited to give a workshop at LAM. I could not say your view was wrong, but as my plans are to be able to suspend, flog, wax (and those are the ones I can mention on Fab) I am not learning it off a YouTube video (well maybe the waxing) but by attending munches and events and finding out who is skilled to teach these fun things. That way I aim to do very bad things in a safe way as part of the domination. But that's my choice, others may choose differently. I believe there is no true way of doing kink other than risk aware consensual kink or any of the other similar phrases. Good luck. | |||
"I don't really do the whole label thing. Im quite sexually agressive at times and I know exactly how to manipulate to get what I want. Even at times when I appear "submissive" Im in control. I bet " | |||
"I am Dom by personality but in bed it depends on womans choice how far that goes. Dominating a woman who does not enjoy it is abuse not pleasure. A lot of dangerious bullshit gets said about D/S activaty on here. If guys (mainly) dont actually understand the subject they really should avoid it and not try it without training first. Its a mental activaty not a physical one at its core. With the exception of the comment about abuse, with respect I entirely disagree with your comments. I am always wary of advice from 'natural doms'. The way people practise bdsm is entirely down to them. Some people prefer the physical element to the mental, others want purely mental. There is only individual preference and not an unwritten rule of the mix between physical and mental. BDSM can be dangerous if you indulge in physical activities without training. However most people practise bdsm without training. I doubt many people who you see in pictures on this site with a flogger have undergone training (e.g Kabunza' s workshop). As for the rope there are pictures in people's profiles with some dangerous knots, but most people muddle on without a problem, happy with what they doing. Also I find the continual knocking of stereotypes of male doms by other male 'doms' as some strange one upmanship. I went on a rope and psychology workshop which was enlightening. In my view it is more constructive to confront someone who is doing something wrong than criticising some vague stereotype. I find kink a learning process, I learn about myself and people everytime I engage in it. I wince when I think of the bondage I performed before I knew it was kinky and before I knew there was a structured and safe way to do bondage. I think that goes for subs as well not knowing the safe way. This is because unless one is lucky to have a good mentor or lucks into the right information it takes time to find out how to do things safely. Secondly OP assumes that no one likes what these stereotype doms. However even boy racers have their fans who appreciate them. So yes it should be safe, sane or risk aware, but I am not sure how many people who call themselves sub and dom are aware of all of the risks. Therefore provided it is consensual kink we should work to educate people on safety not criticise them. Otherwise let people enjoy themselves. It is about fun. Ok to clarify,as i completly accept and agree with the above. First i am Dom personality trate not a man born with a riding crop in his hand! Your point on critcism yes appologies its not fair to lump everyone together and yes people have to learn somehow.(porn is not likely the best place for that) Its born out of concern mind as you say i have seen and read some fairly hair rasing stuff on here and I am bold! BDSM and Sub/Dom are NOT the same things mind you and it is simply my oppinion that the mental element in sub/Dom is the more powerful. Finally yes Fun is the point and I stand by my statment about abuse mutuality is fun selfishness is oppression." Bdsm and sub / Dom. This was exactly what I was saying, but I always seem to get ignored on threads. They are 2 totally differant things. Being in the community we can spot a swinger sub / Dom to Ddsm kinksters a mile off. I am of the same opinion as you you regaurding mindset of Bdsm. I can have my ass whipped / spanked while in sceane. However a chap slapped my ass in a swingers club while I was stood chatting to others. I / my Dom - had a word and he was evicted from the club. Thats why there is the other well known site. We on both and quite clearly say here and there we are swingers but switch to Ddsm. It takes a lot of communacation effort and trust to form a proper Sub/ Dom relationship. | |||
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"Depends if you talking Bdsm or swinging Dom / Sub. We have a BDSM D/s kink. He is very much the Dom, Fem is the sub in this realationship. Although, fem won't sub to any other, she is a Domme in her own right but can't Domme him but she's no switch. " This is also pretty much us albeit we're only into light BDSM x | |||
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"I am Dom by personality but in bed it depends on womans choice how far that goes. Dominating a woman who does not enjoy it is abuse not pleasure. A lot of dangerious bullshit gets said about D/S activaty on here. If guys (mainly) dont actually understand the subject they really should avoid it and not try it without training first. Its a mental activaty not a physical one at its core. With the exception of the comment about abuse, with respect I entirely disagree with your comments. I am always wary of advice from 'natural doms'. The way people practise bdsm is entirely down to them. Some people prefer the physical element to the mental, others want purely mental. There is only individual preference and not an unwritten rule of the mix between physical and mental. BDSM can be dangerous if you indulge in physical activities without training. However most people practise bdsm without training. I doubt many people who you see in pictures on this site with a flogger have undergone training (e.g Kabunza' s workshop). As for the rope there are pictures in people's profiles with some dangerous knots, but most people muddle on without a problem, happy with what they doing. Also I find the continual knocking of stereotypes of male doms by other male 'doms' as some strange one upmanship. I went on a rope and psychology workshop which was enlightening. In my view it is more constructive to confront someone who is doing something wrong than criticising some vague stereotype. I find kink a learning process, I learn about myself and people everytime I engage in it. I wince when I think of the bondage I performed before I knew it was kinky and before I knew there was a structured and safe way to do bondage. I think that goes for subs as well not knowing the safe way. This is because unless one is lucky to have a good mentor or lucks into the right information it takes time to find out how to do things safely. Secondly OP assumes that no one likes what these stereotype doms. However even boy racers have their fans who appreciate them. So yes it should be safe, sane or risk aware, but I am not sure how many people who call themselves sub and dom are aware of all of the risks. Therefore provided it is consensual kink we should work to educate people on safety not criticise them. Otherwise let people enjoy themselves. It is about fun. I like the way you are absolutely connected to your way of being dom and doing BDSM. I respect that. I also think you're wrong. Not wrong as in doing BDSM wrong, because only you and your partner know about that, but wrong as in putting training delivered by self elected experts at the head of your understanding of how to learn to do BDSM. There is no qualifications body overseeing who offers BDSM training; any charlatan who wants to can call themselves a BDSM guru, and they often do. Those who can do, and those who want to make a quick buck offer to teach. I'm no expert in BDSM - I know what works for me, and every time I go into a BDSM scene, I tell myself there are three rules - do no unwanted harm, don't kill anyone, and don't get arrested. If you need to go on a course to learn simple rules like that, your life has bigger issues than whether you're good at BDSM or not. I get that some people make mistakes with knots, or wield floggers badly. That's not unique to BDSM - straight sex has its own risk hierarchy too. Ultimately, whatever I say, people will have sex that resembles BDSM, driven by the same urges. Some of them will do it badly, or riskily. I'll just make sure they don't have that sex with me, and let them find their own ways. Thank you for your comments but I would disagree with how you represented my thoughts. I was not saying that people need training to enjoy bdsm, in fact the point I was making was the opposite. A lot of people don't know what they are doing and still enjoy it. However I do believe training can help improve how a person performs physical acts on another. Particularly as I am not sure vanilla sex (except with the passing of disease) has the same ability to cause harm as a number of bdsm acts some of which can't be mentioned on Fab. I had friend who's shoulder was damaged by someone who had not been trained trying a rope suspension on her. The problem is that when starting out it is difficult to know who is safe person. Certainly from a rope perspective knowing someone has been trained by certain riggers can give an amount of comfort. The people I alluded to in regard to training are not self elected but have been asked by many local groups across the country to put on workshops. Last week as an example one of the people was invited to give a workshop at LAM. I could not say your view was wrong, but as my plans are to be able to suspend, flog, wax (and those are the ones I can mention on Fab) I am not learning it off a YouTube video (well maybe the waxing) but by attending munches and events and finding out who is skilled to teach these fun things. That way I aim to do very bad things in a safe way as part of the domination. But that's my choice, others may choose differently. I believe there is no true way of doing kink other than risk aware consensual kink or any of the other similar phrases. Good luck. " Two thoughts come to mind. If I want to learn suspension, will I learn it from someone who's an expert in the groupthink of munches, and who has gained an audience in that somewhat narrow world, or from a climbing instructor and by working with specialist access contractors? One option is popular on the scene, the other is learning from people who have accredited, quality training in safety and risk. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the point. The notion of a true way is anathema to me. All too often it gets clouded with personal preferences, dogma and all manner of pseudo intellectual clutter. BDSM is no different to vanilla sex in terms of consent, bodily autonomy and risk management. Thinking it is is unhelpful to me. | |||
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"Im sub and like to be told what to do. A bi couple situation would be amazing with the female telling us what to do "I so want this, My Dom is Bi and I would love to see a male Sub to us both. X | |||
"Im sub and like to be told what to do. A bi couple situation would be amazing with the female telling us what to do
I so want this, My Dom is Bi and I would love to see a male Sub to us both. X"My ultimate fantasy. Being bi myself and male I would love this scenario and would gladly offer myself if you were nearer. And yes Tracey does know | |||
