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Single guy club experience
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Last night at CJ's I noticed the same thing, which is a shame. Why go to a club if not willing to socialize? For me, chatting and mingling with those present enhances the experience and give one greater odds at getting lucky. Didn't dwell on it much yesterday as I played with an incredibly sexy, mature lady
I think the best attitude is to have no specific expectations. Go with a good natured attitude and be prepared to chat. No one's going to kill you and some people are hesitant themselves and open up if talked to by someone friendly!
Anyway, that's my experience. I've read on forums that women and couples do generally enjoy going to clubs where single men are present, but i've seen them complain that more often than not, single guys are either too introverted or too pushy. Is this your experience in general?
Or can it vary wildly depending on the evening? Thoughts. | |||
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"Well done OP, I'm sure you'll be having fun in no time, what a refreshing change x" I already have. Hence, my natural high  | |||
"Well done OP, I'm sure you'll be having fun in no time, what a refreshing change x I already have. Hence, my natural high "Gotta love them, I get that from adrenaline sometimes! | |||
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"Sadly too many guys lurk in the background at clubs and yet have an expectation of playing. The OP has obviously worked it out well: don't go with any expectations, chat to folks and you'll usually have a great time."  | |||
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"Morning to all! I'm still riding a natural high and wished to share with you all some thoughts. I've read extensively here on how difficult, and sometimes daunting, it can be for single males to visit a club. More so if they've never been there and don't know anyone. I have been to infusions and decadence under these circumstances and though I didn't play, I went well dressed, put a real effort into mingling with those present, and met some lovely people. On both occasions, a good 75% of single guys would just mull about or sit in a corner and not socialize. In some instances, the look of discomfort on their face was such that i'd go over and chat to them. A couple of them looked at me as if thinking I was trying to hook up with them until I told them I was as hetero as they come!
Last night at CJ's I noticed the same thing, which is a shame. Why go to a club if not willing to socialize? For me, chatting and mingling with those present enhances the experience and give one greater odds at getting lucky. Didn't dwell on it much yesterday as I played with an incredibly sexy, mature lady
I think the best attitude is to have no specific expectations. Go with a good natured attitude and be prepared to chat. No one's going to kill you and some people are hesitant themselves and open up if talked to by someone friendly!
Anyway, that's my experience. I've read on forums that women and couples do generally enjoy going to clubs where single men are present, but i've seen them complain that more often than not, single guys are either too introverted or too pushy. Is this your experience in general?
Or can it vary wildly depending on the evening? Thoughts."Why lurk in a corner? Because every time I try to talk to someone I get blanked, sneered at or told to stop being pushy just for saying hello. | |||
"You sound like you have a decent approach in fairness to you OP. Unfortunatelly alot of single guys do silly stuff at clubs. Eg follow the ladies around like a dog on heat lol" I've seen some if that as well. Makes for a ridiculous looking sight... | |||
"I have visited one as a single guy, after being a little hesitant I found the women easier to talk to in general than the guys. I didn't play, or expect to. Overall I think it is an environment best for couples or to attend with a friend. Not returned, as yet." Some couples invite single men to clubs after meeting them from here. | |||
"Morning to all! I'm still riding a natural high and wished to share with you all some thoughts. I've read extensively here on how difficult, and sometimes daunting, it can be for single males to visit a club. More so if they've never been there and don't know anyone. I have been to infusions and decadence under these circumstances and though I didn't play, I went well dressed, put a real effort into mingling with those present, and met some lovely people. On both occasions, a good 75% of single guys would just mull about or sit in a corner and not socialize. In some instances, the look of discomfort on their face was such that i'd go over and chat to them. A couple of them looked at me as if thinking I was trying to hook up with them until I told them I was as hetero as they come!
Last night at CJ's I noticed the same thing, which is a shame. Why go to a club if not willing to socialize? For me, chatting and mingling with those present enhances the experience and give one greater odds at getting lucky. Didn't dwell on it much yesterday as I played with an incredibly sexy, mature lady
I think the best attitude is to have no specific expectations. Go with a good natured attitude and be prepared to chat. No one's going to kill you and some people are hesitant themselves and open up if talked to by someone friendly!
Anyway, that's my experience. I've read on forums that women and couples do generally enjoy going to clubs where single men are present, but i've seen them complain that more often than not, single guys are either too introverted or too pushy. Is this your experience in general?
Or can it vary wildly depending on the evening? Thoughts.
Why lurk in a corner? Because every time I try to talk to someone I get blanked, sneered at or told to stop being pushy just for saying hello."I'm sorry if that has been your experience. Can't say i've experienced similar...maybe i've just been lucky so far? | |||
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"You sound like you have a decent approach in fairness to you OP. Unfortunatelly alot of single guys do silly stuff at clubs. Eg follow the ladies around like a dog on heat lol I've seen some if that as well. Makes for a ridiculous looking sight..." It is.... We have had some deliberately stop talking to the Mr when the Mrs had went off to get a drink and follow the Mrs blatantly. | |||
"I have visited one as a single guy, after being a little hesitant I found the women easier to talk to in general than the guys. I didn't play, or expect to. Overall I think it is an environment best for couples or to attend with a friend. Not returned, as yet. Some couples invite single men to clubs after meeting them from here. "Never say never | |||
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"I have visited one as a single guy, after being a little hesitant I found the women easier to talk to in general than the guys. I didn't play, or expect to. Overall I think it is an environment best for couples or to attend with a friend. Not returned, as yet. Some couples invite single men to clubs after meeting them from here.
Never say never " | |||
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"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try?" Agreed. I enjoy socializing and have an extroverted personality. From what i've seen, swinging isn't compatible with introverted, single guys. Please correct me if i'm wrong. | |||
"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try?" Because it's not an attitude, it's a certainty born of years of experience at multiple clubs. I'm not capable of the level of self-delusion needed to pretend otherwise. | |||
"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try? Because it's not an attitude, it's a certainty born of years of experience at multiple clubs. I'm not capable of the level of self-delusion needed to pretend otherwise. " Yet you still go to clubs. If you've had years of rejection at clubs, why are you still going? And if you're going because you enjoy going, why are you complaining? | |||
"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try? Because it's not an attitude, it's a certainty born of years of experience at multiple clubs. I'm not capable of the level of self-delusion needed to pretend otherwise. Yet you still go to clubs. If you've had years of rejection at clubs, why are you still going? And if you're going because you enjoy going, why are you complaining?" I'm not still going. I had to take a break from it earlier in the year when I got hit with a series of unplanned expenses, and I don't miss it enough to start again. | |||
"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try? Because it's not an attitude, it's a certainty born of years of experience at multiple clubs. I'm not capable of the level of self-delusion needed to pretend otherwise. Yet you still go to clubs. If you've had years of rejection at clubs, why are you still going? And if you're going because you enjoy going, why are you complaining? I'm not still going. I had to take a break from it earlier in the year when I got hit with a series of unplanned expenses, and I don't miss it enough to start again." Please don't think i'm bashing you in any way, but the swinging scene doesn't seem to be right for you. Focus your attention on something that gives you more enjoyment. | |||
"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try? Because it's not an attitude, it's a certainty born of years of experience at multiple clubs. I'm not capable of the level of self-delusion needed to pretend otherwise. Yet you still go to clubs. If you've had years of rejection at clubs, why are you still going? And if you're going because you enjoy going, why are you complaining? I'm not still going. I had to take a break from it earlier in the year when I got hit with a series of unplanned expenses, and I don't miss it enough to start again. Please don't think i'm bashing you in any way, but the swinging scene doesn't seem to be right for you. Focus your attention on something that gives you more enjoyment." I don't think I count as being in the scene these days anyway. I've been blacklisted from one social group, I've given up on clubs, I got hounded off a certain fetish site a couple of months ago and I'm alienating everyone I come into contact with. | |||
"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try? Because it's not an attitude, it's a certainty born of years of experience at multiple clubs. I'm not capable of the level of self-delusion needed to pretend otherwise. Yet you still go to clubs. If you've had years of rejection at clubs, why are you still going? And if you're going because you enjoy going, why are you complaining? I'm not still going. I had to take a break from it earlier in the year when I got hit with a series of unplanned expenses, and I don't miss it enough to start again. Please don't think i'm bashing you in any way, but the swinging scene doesn't seem to be right for you. Focus your attention on something that gives you more enjoyment. I don't think I count as being in the scene these days anyway. I've been blacklisted from one social group, I've given up on clubs, I got hounded off a certain fetish site a couple of months ago and I'm alienating everyone I come into contact with." I think you have some deeper issues in play here and should seek some help for this. Best of luck. | |||
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"Lovely to read a positive single males experience of a club. I understand how daunting it can be (I still get nervous and we've been doing it for years as a couple) but it's great to see you taking the bull by the horns in the situation. Xx" Thank you! Xx | |||
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"Well done mate, CJs is the friendliest club I've been to "I thought so as well. Tastefully decorated. I liked the doctor/nurses private room | |||
"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try? Because it's not an attitude, it's a certainty born of years of experience at multiple clubs. I'm not capable of the level of self-delusion needed to pretend otherwise. Yet you still go to clubs. If you've had years of rejection at clubs, why are you still going? And if you're going because you enjoy going, why are you complaining? I'm not still going. I had to take a break from it earlier in the year when I got hit with a series of unplanned expenses, and I don't miss it enough to start again. Please don't think i'm bashing you in any way, but the swinging scene doesn't seem to be right for you. Focus your attention on something that gives you more enjoyment. I don't think I count as being in the scene these days anyway. I've been blacklisted from one social group, I've given up on clubs, I got hounded off a certain fetish site a couple of months ago and I'm alienating everyone I come into contact with. I think you have some deeper issues in play here and should seek some help for this. Best of luck." I've got my issues. Being told I'm always the problem really doesn't help with any of them. | |||
"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try? Because it's not an attitude, it's a certainty born of years of experience at multiple clubs. I'm not capable of the level of self-delusion needed to pretend otherwise. Yet you still go to clubs. If you've had years of rejection at clubs, why are you still going? And if you're going because you enjoy going, why are you complaining? I'm not still going. I had to take a break from it earlier in the year when I got hit with a series of unplanned expenses, and I don't miss it enough to start again. Please don't think i'm bashing you in any way, but the swinging scene doesn't seem to be right for you. Focus your attention on something that gives you more enjoyment. I don't think I count as being in the scene these days anyway. I've been blacklisted from one social group, I've given up on clubs, I got hounded off a certain fetish site a couple of months ago and I'm alienating everyone I come into contact with. I think you have some deeper issues in play here and should seek some help for this. Best of luck. I've got my issues. Being told I'm always the problem really doesn't help with any of them." But if you could sort your issues, go back to the club scene, you will likely see it from a new aspect. At present you are blaming others when in reality you are using them as the (wrong) reason not to deal with your issue. No one is saying it is easy to deal with deep rooted problems, but until you can position yourself to do this your life will be difficult both emotionally and mentally. You sound like a decent chap, and I'm sure all posters want you to give it a go and solve what's bothering you! | |||
"As I said in a post earlier this week, its down to attitude. Go with the attitude you're going to be ignored and pushed away, then you will be. Go with the attitude that its going to be a fun night, with or without a shag, and people will notice and want to get to know you. Having attended swinger clubs for 20 years I can spot those who will be unsuccessful, and those who won't. I have so many tales of the single guy sat in the corner, glowering at people, as opposed to the single guy mingling and smiling, and getting to know people. But no matter how many times people on Fab say that the best way for men to be noticed at clubs is to join in, there are always men saying we're wrong. As I said on the other post, that's fine. But why not try? Because it's not an attitude, it's a certainty born of years of experience at multiple clubs. I'm not capable of the level of self-delusion needed to pretend otherwise. Yet you still go to clubs. If you've had years of rejection at clubs, why are you still going? And if you're going because you enjoy going, why are you complaining? I'm not still going. I had to take a break from it earlier in the year when I got hit with a series of unplanned expenses, and I don't miss it enough to start again. Please don't think i'm bashing you in any way, but the swinging scene doesn't seem to be right for you. Focus your attention on something that gives you more enjoyment. I don't think I count as being in the scene these days anyway. I've been blacklisted from one social group, I've given up on clubs, I got hounded off a certain fetish site a couple of months ago and I'm alienating everyone I come into contact with. I think you have some deeper issues in play here and should seek some help for this. Best of luck. I've got my issues. Being told I'm always the problem really doesn't help with any of them. But if you could sort your issues, go back to the club scene, you will likely see it from a new aspect. At present you are blaming others when in reality you are using them as the (wrong) reason not to deal with your issue. No one is saying it is easy to deal with deep rooted problems, but until you can position yourself to do this your life will be difficult both emotionally and mentally. You sound like a decent chap, and I'm sure all posters want you to give it a go and solve what's bothering you!" You asked for people's thoughts. I gave you mine. As usual, not conforming to the the views of the forum's Panglossian hive-mind hasn't gone down well. I know my attitude is the problem. I know I'm about as much fun as a paper cut on the scrotum. I'm not disputing that, nor am I blaming others for it, in spite of your opinion on the matter. What pisses me off is the way people expect me to just shrug it off and change my mindset. Since I started going to clubs I've been blanked, sneered at, actively avoided. I've had what I thought were friendly conversations with people only to find that I've been blocked when I get home. I've been publicly berated on these forums for not talking to people at a social, by people who blanked me at that very social, and then told I'm not welcome there in future because I've dared to say I didn't enjoy the evening. And at every turn I've had people reminding me that I'm the cause of it all and declaring that everyone, everywhere is friendly, welcoming and just wonderful. Of course I'm negative. Of course I've got fucking issues. I'd have to be delusional for it to be otherwise. | |||
